


Rebel Run

by ThalFox



Category: The Outer Worlds (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bisexuality, Consent, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dorks in Love, Emotional Sex, F/M, Falling In Love, Feels, Femdom, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Genderqueer Character, Intimacy, Jealousy, Kissing, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, Massage, Mild Kink, No Major Triggers, Oral Sex, Overstimulation, Pining, Possessive Behavior, Praise Kink, Protectiveness, Resolved Sexual Tension, Romance, Sex, Sexual Tension, Shower Sex, Sleepy Cuddles, Smut, Teasing, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:07:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 185,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23109739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThalFox/pseuds/ThalFox
Summary: Felix Millstone had been waiting for his ship to come in for a long, long time. A way to escape, to put his past behind him, and stop jumping at ghosts.When the Unreliable came calling, he was utterly unprepared for a very unique Captain, and one hell of a strange crew...The Outer Worlds - Felix Millstone: Spacer Extraordinaire Edition 🚀
Relationships: The Captain/Felix Millstone
Comments: 68
Kudos: 144





	1. A New Day Dawns

" _Shit_."

As soon as his stick connected with the smug son of a bitch's face, spittle flying from a slack jaw as the body slumped to the deck, Felix knew he'd just fucked up. Badly. 

Spinning around he quickly reassured himself that there wasn't anybody else in sight. No witnesses was something at least, and he couldn't deny the thrill of satisfaction from finally shutting up the bootlicking bastard that had delighted in making his life hell.

Still, the best outcome of this was going to cost him his job, and demote him straight down to the Back Bays again. The worst outcome… 

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

The foreman had always had it out for him, exercising a massive superiority complex over the resident stowaway, demanding Felix refer to him as 'boss' and 'sir' which he refused, and making sure he got the most menial tasks that always, _always_ had to be redone to meet ridiculous standards. Insulting Felix's team had been the last fucking straw in a bad fucking week.

_And sure, it maybe seems excessive. But that jackass has been determined to shit on everything I have, no matter what. A tossball stick to the face is more than he deserves…_

There was a groan from the floor, and Felix scarpered. Heading out to the central docking bay, he realised he had nowhere left to go. He leaned against a crate with a sigh, his eyes focused firmly on the stars, and awaited his fate.

~~~

As the Mardet and Trooper walked towards him, purposefully, he was distracted by a ship arriving. It wasn't a SubLight ship, or Board, but it was definitely one he'd seen before, only fleetingly. A freelancer ship, rare enough at all least of all one that sizeable.

_A Yakita LHA120, with modifications. Not a common sight at all. That's someone important, or someone on their way to being important._

The ship had barely touched down when a figure sprung from the doorway, landing gracefully on the concrete and strolling casually forward. Two more followed after the gangway rolled out, and from this distance all Felix could tell was that one seemed both wary and excited, while the other walked like he had a stick up his ass.

_Curious mix of folks-_

"-teeth. Pay attention, scum!" 

Felix turned with a sigh, as the Mardet moved forward to force the threat-issuing Trooper back a little.

"Ease up," the Mardet warned. "This is a hell of an accusation to make." 

"The brat has motive and cause," the Trooper said flatly. "He's threatened this exact crime before." 

Felix scoffed, folding his arms.

"If bootlickers go around asking to be hit, that's hardly my fault." 

"You little-!" 

"Okay, enough," the Mardet raised her voice slightly. "Look, Dr Mfuru will have your worker patched up in no time." 

"That's not the point," the Trooper insisted. "This halfwit just knocked out one of my workers-" 

"Yeah, with a tossball stick," the Mardet rolled her eyes slightly. "I heard you the first time. There weren't any witnesses." 

"No witnesses? He's not even denying it!" 

"Jackass had it coming," Felix shrugged lazily, his eyes on the approaching ship crew. 

"Shut it, Felix," sighed the Mardet. "You're not making this any better." 

"You get cute with me again, you little Back Bay brat," the Trooper snarled, "and I will toss you out an airlock."

"This is the Groundbreaker, not Byzantium," the Mardet said firmly, shutting down the argument. "You ain't the law here, I am. Now move along." 

"I don't have time for this," the Trooper groaned, turning on his heel. "I need a drink." 

"Go space yourself," grumbled Felix under his breath. "Problem solved." 

He heard the Mardet sigh loudly. 

Felix was dimly aware that the two had left him to his own devices, but he was rooted to the spot, slouching against the boxes he no longer had to lift. His gaze was firmly on the crew that had emerged from the freelancer ship and were approaching, as the apparent leader leaned over the nearest railings, taking in the view. 

Normally, crews were straight in, straight drunk, and straight out, but he surely hadn't seen a crew like this before. They had a vicar for one, though it was news to Felix that vicars carried such heavy weaponry. He stood stiffly behind the other two with his tactical shotgun and collapsed inferno scythe strapped to his back, his narrowed eyes watchful in a way that again seemed a mite out of place for a man of the cloth.

One of the others was clearly an engineer, oil smudges all over, and with her goggles still tangled in her curly black hair. Closer to view she seemed more excited than wary, though her reactions to noise were a little on the nervous side. The third was clearly the leader, despite being a good deal slighter than the vicar, and a whole lot more pretty. 

_Wait, what? Get a hold of yourself, fuck._

Any new ship was a new opportunity to try and hitch a ride, earn passage, get a better job where he wanted to be… in the stars, not stuck in one fixed position. With a crew this peculiar, maybe his chance here was better.

_Or worse- Hell, it can't ever be worse._

The leader of the crew turned, and started walking directly towards him. Felix fought the urge to puff out his chest, instead trying to stay cooly nonchalant where he stood. She looked of an age with the engineer, not much older than he himself was, while the vicar looked a good few years her elder.

_Still young for a vicar to be wanderin' though._

The leader's hair was dark, with a purple shine in the low lighting, her sides shaved and messy on top. She had a smattering of freckles across her nose, slightly on to her cheeks, and her light armour wasn't doing much to hide her fit and curv-

Felix shook himself mentally. 

Her green eyes seemed to burn right through to his insides as she sized him up, and he wondered just who in the stars this person was.

"Just arrived?" a Mardet called over, and Felix saw the leader tilt her head in recognition. "Head over to customs. Corporal Wheeler needs to process you." 

"Oh sure," drawled the sour-faced vicar. "Process our immediately grounded ship. Wonderful." 

"I'm sure it'll all be worked out, Max," the engineer placated in a lilting accent, wringing her hands slightly. "The Captain'll have it sorted in a jiffy."

The vicar, Max, grunted. Felix realised with a start that the leader, the _Captain_ , had turned back to him, looking right at him with a smirk. He felt heat shoot through him, and shoved it down as far as he could. 

"Going for a stroll around the docking bays?" he quirked an eyebrow to show he was friendly. 

"Mhm," she replied, amusement in her eyes. "Couldn't help overhear an argument. You had that tincan a little worked up." 

"Sure did," he grinned at her casual insult for the arrogant Trooper, a little surprised she'd been listening. "Got a knack for upsetting the Board and the Mardets all at once. Between you and me, I was hoping they'd come to fisticuffs."

_Great Felix, 'fisticuffs'. Totally a word people use._

"You really knock someone out with a tossball stick?" she asked, seeming genuinely curious. 

"The guy insulted my Rizzo's Rangers, all right?" he played it up a little. "You can't insult my Rangers and expect to get away with it. So of course I decked him with a tossball stick. I mean, what am I? Some kind of fair-weather fan?" 

"Good grief," the vicar muttered, and Felix wondered if he'd badly misjudged.

It wasn't like he went around randomly inflicting violence on supporters of other teams like some kind of fucking marauder. 

"That can't be all he did," mused the Captain. 

"Guy never liked me," Felix explained, not wanting to dig too much into the topic, but also not wanting to look like an outright thug if that wasn't who they were likely to hire after all. "Always trying to get a rise out of me. But I keep my chin up, right? Be the bigger man, I tell myself. He's a Spacer's Chosen man, though. So when the Chosen beat my Rangers the other night, my foreman comes swaggering up, with his head full of boasting."

"So you…?" she still looked interested, which was more than could be said for the vicar. 

"That's when I broadsided him with a tossball stick, yeah," Felix winced and decided to lay his cards out. "Look, this was a long time coming. Guy thinks he can push me around 'cause he's some sky-high foreman and I'm just a Back Bays dockworker?" 

"I can understand that, leastways," the engineer nodded, her eyes sympathetic, and he felt a surge of relief. 

"Well. Former dockworker," he continued. "Guess I just tendered my resignation."

"Got any plans?" asked the Captain, as the vicar scoffed behind her. 

"Enjoy my freedom. Scrounge together enough bits for a Zero Gee. Other than that? Can't say as I do."

_C'mon, ask dammit._

"Hey, not for nothing," he ventured, "but I saw you wander out of that ship over there by the dock. Wouldn't happen to be yours, would it?" 

"That's me. Captain of the Unreliable." 

"Captain of the Unreliable," Felix was genuinely impressed, and he unknowingly smouldered a little at her. "You're like something out of a serial drama." 

Her nose crinkled a little with her smile, and he realised he was sinking into dangerous territory fast. 

"Hey, I don't want to talk your ears off," he rushed. "Guessing you got places to be. I appreciate your time." 

"I never caught your name," she said, the amusement back on her face. "I'm Jay." 

"Felix Millstone. Pleased to meet your acquaintance." 

"See you around, Felix," she gave him a cheeky wink as she left. 

"See you around, boss," he drawled, his eyes on their backs as they headed up to speak to Wheeler.

_That went… well? She didn't need to give me her name, that has to be a good sign. The vicar doesn't like me, but he's certainly not in charge._

_Playing up my prowess in a scrap is usually smart with pirates but I'm not sure at all that's what she is. Still, the engineer seemed sympathetic, and the Captain didn't seem quick to judge…_

Of all the shots he'd had at getting off this station, this definitely seemed like the best one he'd yet been given. So it wouldn't be a terrible idea to follow along at a distance, and gather more information that might help him win a place on the crew. 

_Right? Right._

He hugged the crates, out of sight as he circled the bay, climbed a ladder and sat above customs with a clear view. Corporal Wheeler was always loud, and would talk your ears off if you let him, and Felix could see the man was clearly delighted by the Captain's willing attention.

Normally processing was all frustration and raised voices as folk tried to get through it quickly, but Captain Jay was plying Wheeler with questions, soaking up the information like it was bits or booze. He felt a flicker of disappointment, that it wasn't just him the Captain was interested in listening to, but it made him all the more determined to learn what he could in order to pitch himself as a necessary addition to the crew.

_Stars, Wheeler is getting all googly eyed. Did I look like that? Shit._

He couldn't place her accent, which wasn't rural like the engineer, nor official like the vicar. It was almost like a cross between the two, maybe even more proper than the latter but with the softness of the former. The Groundbreaker saw every manner of person come through, but she didn't sound like she was from anywhere he knew of. 

Some of her questions came out a little odd, though she quickly smoothed them over. It was almost like the whole situation of Board vs Groundbreaker was new to her. Wheeler was enthusiastically expounding on the status of the station, its freedom from the Board, as well as pointing the Captain towards Med Bay and, when asked, Gladys.

_Hm, so that's who they're here for. To fence? Or purchase information… Mind, her cookies are damn great too. Can knock a fella clean out when thrown right._

He bit back a growl as Wheeler told the Captain she'd need to speak with Udom Bedford to get the impound on her ship lifted. 

_That corporate spratfuck._

As the crew moved past customs, Felix travelled above them, careful to stay back a little. It hadn't escaped his notice that the Captain was taking in every little detail, including the existence of the walkways in the rafters, and he was almost sure she was casing the place.

_Gotta be a thief. A good one too. Look how she moves. She could walk through this whole place without attracting any attention whatsoever, but that doesn't seem to be her plan…_

When the docking bay doors opened onto the station proper, he heard the engineer gasp in delight at the view as the vicar started preaching against being dazzled by the lights of advertising. He heard the Captain laugh, a warm genuine noise that seemed to lift above the gloom that settled upon so many.

Looking across the promenade, Felix wasn't surprised to see several heads turned her way. It wasn't just how she looked, though some kept their gaze on her for that no doubt. It was how she carried herself that seemed almost alien. She moved like she had no cares in the world, but no naivety either. He couldn't figure it out, but it was sure as hell different, and he could see the effect she was having.

_People are being drawn to her, even if they don't know why. She really is like a hero from the serials. Except, well… real._

He shook himself again mentally. His need to get on a crew was more urgent than ever, as he was unlikely to find easy hiring after knocking his former boss unconscious. Unless he wanted to slide back to where he'd tried so hard to escape, he needed to impress this impressive Captain. 

~~~

The trio had taken the long route round the promenade, the Captain talking to every vendor and extracting all available information. Felix wouldn't be surprised if she could now draw an accurate map of the station, her eyes on every door and grate as she passed, near casually using the terminals and - from the guilty looks on the engineer's face - hacking them as she went.

The crew paused in front of the Board liaison office, a regular argument between passing spacers and the guards simmering away, before disappearing inside the building.

With the way Jay had charmed her way around the Groundbreaker already, he didn't have much doubt her ship would be released, and he rushed to grab his things just in case the Unreliable was making a swift exit after all. He ducked into the Rest-n-Go, collecting what belongings he had in the shared room he could no longer afford, and scarpered down to where the freelance ship was docked.

Up close, he was pretty sure this was the same ship he'd seen around before, but if so, it was definitely a new crew. Ships changing hands wasn't unusual, and he couldn't remember noticing the previous owner. 

He perched on some crates, fished out his notebook and a pen, and began to write.

~~~

Felix was practising his cool demeanour, going over his hastily written speech in his head, and trying to think over every possible angle to best sell himself as a new hire.

It was uncomfortably close to bootlicking, or least it would be if it wasn't a freelance ship, but it was hard to separate free work from indentured when the latter was the system standard. And this was a free station, not half as bad as down on Terra 2.

His thoughts were interrupted by the crew approaching, as a dock worker hailed them and confirmed the impound was lifted. The vicar looked smug, and Felix tried to hide his grin as he saw the Captain roll her eyes slightly.

"Fetch what you need Max," she said softly as they approached, her eyes finding Felix. "We'll get your info next." 

"Excellent!" the vicar grinned, and strode into the ship, ignoring Felix entirely.

"Hey, you got a second?" Felix asked, relieved the vicar was out of the picture for now.

The Captain nodded her head with a smile, and he began his moves. 

"Fancy running into you again. Don't mind me - I was just admiring your ship from up close. Gotta hand it to you, boss. That's a fine-looking ship. Only thing it's missing is me."

She laughed. 

"You're pretty eager, I'll give you that," she raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't happen to be stalking me now, would you?" 

_Shit, did she see me?_

"What? No. No no no," he shook his head in panic, before seeing her smile was still there. "Okay, yeah, maybe a little. I'm not trying to be all creepy-like. I just want to make a good case for myself. Just give me a shot. That's _all_ I'm asking. I could be the best damn crew you ever hired."

"All right, Felix," she drawled, and he realised with a jolt that she'd remembered his name. "Tell me why I should hire you." 

"You're serious? You're giving me a shot?" his eyes widened in surprise, as he pulled out his notebook. "All right. Hang on, hang on. I put together a little speech, just in case you asked...

"Hey there. I'm Felix Millstone. I have prepared a list of reasons why I believe you should hire me to join the crew of your ship and/or outlaw gang."

He looked up, and saw the Captain looking amused. 

"I'm enjoying this," she purred, and he felt the back of his neck flush slightly. "Go on."

"Firstly, I am highly personable and I get along well with anyone who is not of the jackass persuasion."

The engineer, who was sitting on a crate and listening with interest, burst out laughing. 

"Sorry," she smiled. "He's funny!" 

Felix grinned and continued. 

"Secondly, I can be counted on in the event of a firefight, standoff, and/or raid. My motto is - if you need a steady gunhand, I'm your man. That motto is… a work in progress."

"Firefight? Raids?" the Captain raised an eyebrow. "What kind of ship do you think I'm running?" 

"Uh, the _fun_ kind? I mean - what else do you do when you've got a ship of your own?" 

She smirked, nodding for him to continue. 

"Additionally, I have several years of experience as a box-hauler. This skill may come in handy if you need a body dragged away, or a door held open while escaping enemy fire. In conclusion, thank you for considering me for your ship crew and/or outlaw gang. I look forward to our adventures together."

He tucked the notebook away again, and looked up hopefully. 

"I thought that was real good, Felix," the engineer chirped. 

"Thanks for the vote of confidence!" he grinned before turning his attention back to the Captain. "What do you think? Am I in?" 

Her eyes were twinkling but he was damned if he could figure her out. 

"If you're trying to convince me to hire you," she began, and his stomach dropped, "you're going about it all wrong."

"Oh. Okay, uh, well," he stuttered. "Could you give me a couple pointers?"

"You're all over the place," her gaze was burning into him again, and he swallowed hard. "Just be yourself." 

"Sure, I can be myself," he babbled. "I can be myself better than anybody else in the system. You're looking for crew. I'm looking for a way off this port. So we've got something in common already. And yeah - I know I came on a little strong. But honestly, when was the last time anybody was so eager to throw in with you? That's gotta count for something, right?"

The vicar loomed behind him, barking an unamused laugh. 

"Surely you're not giving this miscreant an interview, Captain?" 

She raised her eyebrow, and before his brain caught up, Felix blurted out. 

"Sure! An interview. That sounds fair. I mean - first time for everything, right? Ask me anything you like."

He did his best to push the nervousness from his face, not feeling comfortable showing any weakness in front of the stern-faced man covered in weapons. 

"Are you any good in a fight?" the Captain asked, a ghost of a smile on her face. 

"Are you kidding?" he smiled, as genuinely as he could manage. "I _love_ a good fight. One time, I took an auto-loader's head clean off its servos with one swing of a tossball stick. You can count on me in a scrap, boss. That's a promise."

"What's your biggest flaw?"

"Foreman told me my biggest problem was that I didn't take orders. I told him my problem is not with authority, it's with jackasses. So, yeah. I guess my biggest flaw is that I don't suffer idiots. Hope that's not a deal-breaker."

The Captain grinned, highly amused. 

"Okay, last question. What's the value of pi?"

_Trick question, gotta be._

"Uh - it's _delicious_?" he opted for comedy, hoping it was the right choice. "Mock-apple pie in a tripicale crust, maybe with a little cream on top. Classic." 

The Captain snorted a laugh as the vicar made a noise of disgust.

"Perfect," she beamed at him, and he felt his heart wobble. "You're hired."

_I'm… I'm what?!_

"Wow," he exhaled loudly, covering the stutter in his breath. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear that. Thanks, boss. You're not gonna regret this." 

"Really?" the vicar grumbled. "We're picking up strays, now?" 

"Look at that," Felix chirped, brimful of happiness. "A real vicar. I'm sure we'll get on like a church on fire."

The engineer laughed, and he flashed her a cheeky grin. 

"Okay, Felix," said the Captain, smiling, and he snapped to attention. "Stow your stuff and get your ass back out here. We've got some business on the station." 

"Aye aye, Captain!" he grinned, gathered his belongings and ran on to the ship.

He could just make out the sound of the engineer laughing again, and the vicar protesting, before the door shut behind him.

_< "Greetings, new crew member.">_

The voice of the ship rang out, as he quickly scoped the layout.

"Hey there, I'm Felix?" 

He hasn't meant it to come out as a question, but being on a ship, a ship he was now crew on, was pretty damn overwhelming.

_< "Go up two flights of stairs and pick a room from the corridor. The first three on the right are spoken for.">_

"Great! Thank you, um, I'm sorry… I didn't get your name?" 

_< "I am Ada.">_

"Thank you, Ada! I appreciate the help." 

_< "You are quite welcome.">_

He knew fine well from the stories he read that it always paid to be nice to your ship. If the computer ever tried to enslave humanity, being polite might just save his life. Up one flight of steps was a door for a room at the front of the ship, and he guessed that would be the Captain's. 

Up another, he saw a busted SAM unit in the first room, which was more of a cupboard, the next on the right had plants and wrenches strewn about which had to be the engineer's, and the one after that looked like a small study with everything obsessively neat. 

_Gotta be the grumpy vicar's._

He picked a room opposite, throwing his stuff down for now, and gathering all he needed. 

His trusty grenade launcher was a mite big for running round the station with, so for now he grabbed his pro tossball stick and a lighter rifle, slung across his back. A pistol just in case, a heap of ammo, and his lockpick tools. 

Felix ran back down the stairs and nearly collided face first with the engineer, who'd just boarded the ship.

"Shit! Sorry, sorry," he offered apologetically, relieved to see her smile. 

"No harm done!" she laughed. "I've got some tinkering to do while you and Max help the Captain. I'm Parvati by the way, used to be the mechanic in Edgewater. Well, I'm still an engineer, but a ship one now!" 

Felix grinned at her enthusiasm. Coming from the Emerald Vale explained her rural accent, and her excitement at being on the station.

"I hope I didn't kick you off the roster?" he asked. "You must be keen to look around the place." 

"Oh, I am, but I'll swap with Max once he's done his hacker thing. He's not the social type. Don't worry about it! Jay is always fair." 

Parvati disappeared into the hold, which looked like both storage and armory combined, and he disembarked the ship with a smile. A fair boss would be a big change indeed.

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rebel Run by Toyah
> 
> Praying to the silent man  
> A new day dawns  
> Behind acetylene tanks  
> A dog's lament  
> Wakes the new age  
> But falls in splintered fragments  
> Around his cage  
> Like everyone said there'd be  
> So much more to nineteen eighty-four
> 
> Rebel run  
> Don't shoot your gun  
> Rebel run  
> Run run run
> 
> [Previews, updates, and teasers on tumblr](https://thalfox.tumblr.com/) 💖


	2. Dog Days

The Captain greeted him with a nod as he approached, and the vicar seemed a little less frosty. 

_Could be he's been told to be nicer? Not that I'm complaining_. 

"So, Felix," the Captain began as they walked towards the docking bay proper. "Got a couple of disclaimers for you." 

"Fire away, boss." 

"You've probably guessed, but we're not exactly your standard marauder, pirate or outlaw outfit." 

Felix nodded. 

"But that doesn't mean everything we do is strictly above board-" she cut herself off with a small frown at her phrasing. "What I mean is, we ain't fully legal."

"I'm fine with that, boss." 

"Good! Specifically, we _liberate_ a lot of goods, guns, and information and help them find new homes elsewhere. I believe in an _open_ door policy so we're useful with our many keys. I don't help people who are _bored_ , but I do help others who need it."

He tried to keep up with her meaning, realising she was covering her language slightly as they moved amongst allegedly law-abiding residents.

"I get you, boss," he said softly. "That sounds pretty fair to me." 

"Excellent." 

"Kinda surprised your vicar friend is agreeable with that though." 

Max snorted. 

"If you attended the sermons young man, you'd know that material possessions are of no importance, and good deeds are not held in contempt."

"Sure, but I've never heard that applied to uh, that particular type of _liberation_ before." 

"The plan works in mysterious ways." 

Felix could have sworn he heard a note of amusement in the vicar's voice, but they'd reached customs and such talk was not wise. 

The Captain approached the Mardets' window this time, and as the vicar took up a deceptively casual stance behind her to the right, Felix mirrored him on the left.

Commandant Sanita was as prickly as ever, but Felix struggled to hide his smile as Jay quickly won her over, enquiring after bounties and subtly flattering her ego. Seemed like there was a warrant out for MacRedd, and he wondered if the outlaw king's reign over the Back Bays was about to come to an end. The Captain teased out the details, which didn't seem worthy of the dead or alive billing, and he was fairly sure she was angling towards the latter, despite Sanita's preference otherwise. 

As the Commandant warmed up, Jay asked after the usage of the term "Mardet" for the officers on the station, and as she was given their history as Marines, Felix grinned. 

"In other words," he drawled, "they call themselves 'Mardets' 'cause it's fancier than 'guards'." 

"You're lucky I got better things to do than arrest you for back-sassing an officer, Felix." 

Sanita's snapping wasn't unexpected, but he was surprised to see her demeanour shift back to friendly rapidly when she met the Captain's eyes.

_What look did she just receive? Is my Captain looking out for me already?_

"Wait, he's with you?" she asked, and Jay nodded with a smirk. "Good for you, kid. Been a long time coming. You done hauling crates, then?" 

_Hah, she's happy I'm not gonna be a nuisance round here no more._

"My box hauling days are officially behind me. Say hello to Felix Millstone: Spacer Extraordinaire." 

"No take-backs. He's yours now," Sanita shook her head.

"That he is," the Captain replied, as Felix tried very hard not to pinch himself.

He was about to make a joke but realised just in time that saying they were stuck together like tumours on a cystypig wasn't exactly appealing. 

The Captain went on to lazily enquire after Phineas Welles, the infamous rebel scientist with the huge bounty on his name. When she moved on to ask how she'd go about reporting an incident on the station, his hackles raised slightly.

 _Shit_.

Jay waved it away as just curiosity when she got her answer, and he relaxed his posture a bit. 

_Great, Felix. Be more obvious._

Sanita laughed, having spotted his nerves. 

"Don't sweat it, kid. I'd sooner shake your hand. That asshole had it coming." 

"Did I hear you right?" Felix was shocked. "You want to shake my hand? I need to get this in writing." 

"Don't push your luck, Millstone. I still got a cell with your name on it." 

"She does," he winked at Jay. "I scratched my name on the wall." 

Jay chuckled, and he felt inordinately pleased at amusing her. He was as used to hearing laughter as he was to hearing pleas to shut up, but something about making her laugh felt different.

_Makes sense though, not like any Spacer's Choice boss would have a sense of humour._

Sanita left, and he watched as the Captain turned her attention to the young man in the office who'd been hanging on every word.

"Hey," she smiled sweetly at him, and Felix noticed her voice had got slightly softer. 

"Hi there!" Lee, or Private Flores as nobody called him, perked up immediately. "Haven't seen you around before. What can Groundbreaker Security do for you today?" 

"Just getting my bearings," she purred her voice slightly, and Felix could see the man starting to sweat a little. "Could you tell me what you do here?" 

"Um, this is the security desk, ma'am," stammered Lee. "If you're here to report a crime, you'll want to talk to Commandant Sanita. I'm not authorised to take incident reports anymore." 

"Oh?" she voiced surprise laced with sympathy. "Why can't you take incident reports?" 

"I'm not so good at filing," he said sadly. "Mix up first name and surname, one, two, seven times, well. Folks are liable to start taking your filing privileges away."

Felix was hopeless at reading these things and even he could tell the kid was being stupid cute right now.

"Filing, huh?" he raised an eyebrow at the younger man. "That what you do for fun?" 

"Sure!" beamed Lee. "Quiets the mind." 

Felix shut down the flicker of irritation he was inexplicably experiencing, and watched as the Captain continued to win Lee over, practically wrapping the man around her little finger.

"Lot of freighters come through this station?" she asked. "Must keep you busy."

"Less than there used to be," Lee frowned slightly. "I spend some shifts just listening to the wireless."

"Why aren't as many freighters coming through?" 

"Search me," the man smiled dopily, before blushing furiously. "I mean, don't 'search me'. Because that's _my_ job. Ha, get it?-" 

_Wow, he's got it bad._

"-Uh, I reckon you'd have to ask the folks in Byzantium."

The Captain went on to easily extract confirmation that all the seized contraband that failed customs was kept on-site from the dazzled Private. 

"Say, Lee," she purred. "You don't happen to give tours of the security office now you do?" 

_Whoah, that's a bold move._

"Oh, uh," Lee blinked in surprise. "We can't just let anyone back here. I wouldn't mind, but… well… It's not… uh, we just don't. Maybe if you clear an open bounty and get in good with Commandant Sanita? Or help Chief Tennyson fix this heat? That might warrant a 'thank you' tour or something." 

"We're friends though, right, Lee?" Jay flashed a winning smile. "Do me a favour and I'll owe you one." 

_As if it's that eas-_

"All right, I guess," the man smiled dorkily. "In and out though, and please don't do any shady stuff. I'd like to keep my job." 

_Holy crap!_

"Of course! You're a star." 

Felix tried not to let his jaw drop open, and he saw Max looking quietly amused. The Captain strode through the now powered down security barrier, and he followed her and the vicar, trying to look as comfortable as they did.

Despite having never been in this office before, she somehow seemed to know exactly where she was going, slipping through a door, past the cells, and into a small alcove with what looked to be the main security system. 

"There it is," muttered Max. "Just pop this drive in, run it, and I'll do the rest."

Jay stepped up to the computer and with a few keystrokes, retrieved the cartridge. She handed it to Max, who pocketed it swiftly. 

"Great. Now we have this, I can go find out where my scholar ended up."

"Head back to the ship," the Captain said quietly, "and send Parvati to meet us at the… what was the bar called again?" 

"The Lost Hope," supplied Felix. 

"Ah, of course," Jay smiled wryly. "How could I forget." 

Max nodded and left swiftly. Felix followed the Captain, who took another turn, straight into the warehouse full of contraband.

_Holy shit._

The only thing more surprising than finally being in the station's goldmine of thieves, was the fact the Captain had a quick look around, nodded to herself, then turned and headed straight back out of the office again.

Outside the window once more, she nodded farewell to Lee with a charming smile and the man beamed back at her.

"Uh, we're not…?" Felix spoke softly as they headed into the main part of the station.

"Later," she murmured. "Not gonna cost Lee there his job." 

"Ah." 

_Fair indeed._

~~~

"So how'd you end up on the Groundbreaker?" the Captain asked as they made their way down the promenade steps.

"Didn't I tell you? I'm secretly the Chairman's orphan child, abandoned at birth in the Back Bays."

"And then you were raised by a pack of sprats, right?"

Felix laughed. 

"That's right," he grinned. "Can't get anything past you, boss. Honestly? Before you picked me up, I was scratching a living here, and before that I lived in the Back Bays. Spent my whole life down there, watching ships roll in and take off. Always wondered when my ship would come."

"The Back Bays?" 

"Oh, yeah - they're the bits of the station tourists don't see. The other decks. Not really fit for habitation."

"That sounds kinda awful?"

He shrugged as they entered the bar. 

"I was what folks here call a stowaway. Means I was invisible. Life carried on for everybody else, but not for me. I had to make my own way."

"I have a hard time believing you were invisible to anybody," she said softly, and he looked at her sharply as she scanned the room, locating an empty table. 

_She's not using the same voice she used on Lee…_

"Yeah, 'cause I got sick of being ignored," he replied, a little bitterly. "Got sick of being a nobody. So yeah, I made some noise. Got in a couple scraps. Nobody else on the Groundbreaker's gonna look after you. So you had to look after yourself. Learned that real quick."

"I like it when you make trouble," she said firmly, and he was surprised to see her focusing on him intently again as they sat. "Halcyon's got enough obedient little workers."

_Is this what she did to Lee? And Wheeler? It doesn't feel like it. If she's being insincere right now, she's got even more skill than I realised…_

He decided that was an uncharitable thought, considering. 

"If I never got in that scuffle with my old foreman," he mused, "you and I never would've met. You'd be off after this, having adventures without me, and I'd be trying to get another shitty job on the docks. Hauling boxes was about the only work I could find. Hated every second of it. Foreman and I never got on."

"Right," she huffed a laugh. "Your prowess with a tossball stick." 

"Could be I was overreacting," Felix winced, surprised when two bottles of Zero Gee appeared suddenly in front of them. "I know it sounds like I was out of line. A better man might've turned the other cheek. Exercised a little bit of that - what's the word - restraint. But on the other hand? Broadsiding the jackass with a tossball stick? That felt good. That felt real good. You oughta try it."

Jay laughed, and it was the warm laugh he'd heard before, when it was just her and her crew. 

"Well, maybe you can teach me sometime," she smirked, making him grin. "That trooper did threaten to toss you out of an airlock, though." 

"Yeah," he shrugged. "He's like the rest of those Board jackasses. All bluster, no grit. All you gotta do is square your shoulders and stand up to 'em. Board ain't accustomed to disobedience." 

"I'd guess that most who do get arrested."

"If it's a crime to defend your favourite tossball team against slander and calumny - well, then lock me right up. Though I am glad he didn't follow through with the threat of putting his truncheon through my teeth."

The Captain looked a little impressed, and Felix tried not to look too pleased. 

"You couldn't have been diplomatic with the foreman?" she asked, smirking. 

"Oh, I can do civilised," he poshed up his voice a little, making her eyes twinkle. "Proper civilised, too. Genuflecting and everything. I caught a real lucky break. If you hadn't picked me up, I'd still be sitting at the docks, waiting for the day my ship arrives."

"Well, I'm glad you're not wasting your life hauling boxes," she clinked her bottle against his. "It's good to have you on the crew." 

"Yeah," he said softly. "I guess my ship did arrive in the end. I've got you to thank for that."

"Don't thank me til you get paid," she quipped, and he laughed. 

"Can I ask you something, boss?" 

"Sure." 

"The name of this bar mean something to you?" 

She raised her eyebrow, looking a little impressed once more.

"You could say that," she leaned forward, conspiratorially, but before she could speak, the damn screen blasted out an update from Halcyon News. 

"Miracle on the Frontier! The small rebellion in Edgewater has been decimated by a mysterious stranger, a hero of the Board. Peace reigns in the Emerald Vale as productivity spikes upwards! The Board cannot confirm which of its agents so efficiently cut down the rebels, but the message is clear - anarchy never wins! This has been Halcyon News, your only source for news in the Halcyon colony."

The Captain growled unhappily. 

"Fucking propaganda." 

"Edgewater?" the words spilled out of Felix before he could stop himself. "Ain't that where Parvati came from?" 

"Yeah," she nodded, then brightened as she looked behind him. "Speaking of… Hey, you!" 

Parvati pulled up a chair and sat with a smile, but he could see she was trembling slightly, distracting him from the doubts he'd just been flooded with. 

"You okay, Par?" the Captain asked, concerned. 

"Sure! Just never thought I'd be walking through a real station ship by my lonesome. _Stars_ , it's so big. And bright. And so many people!" 

The Captain winced slightly. 

"Shit, I'm sorry - I should have thought. Next time I'll come back and pick you up." 

"I'm alright, Jay, honest!" the engineer insisted, trying and failing to look fierce. "Not nearly so dangerous up here as it was back in the Vale." 

"Yeah," the Captain didn't look convinced, and sighed. "What we did there was just on the news-"

"Wait, what?" Felix was startled.

"-not that they reported it remotely accurately," there was a flash of anger on her face as she spoke, disappearing almost as soon as it arrived. "Though I'm guessing they never do."

"I only heard the tail end," murmured Parvati, "but I don't see how putting the rebels in charge is the same as cuttin' them down!" 

"Okay, yeah," he grinned, as relief washed over him. "That's more like it." 

The Captain huffed a laugh.

"You should have seen her, Felix," the engineer enthused. "Jay shut off the power to the deserters who'd worked out how to grow real food, saving the town, then ordered the mayor out of there so the deserters' leader could take over! She saved my neighbours _and_ the rebels, and now they can grow real live plants and crops! On Halcyon soil!!" 

"Damn, Par, you helped too, y'know." 

Felix smiled, seeing that she was blushing slightly as she deflected. 

"I can see why you joined up then," Felix nodded to Parvati. 

"Me and Max both! The vicar comes across all gruff-like, but he has a good heart I think. Unusual for a vicar. Uh, I don't mean- Not that- Oh, _stars_." 

"You're okay, Par," the Captain chuckled at her flustered engineer. "I don't think Felix is a big church-goer." 

He nodded in agreement. 

"I won't tell him, no worries there." 

Parvati flashed him a grin and he beamed. 

_A crew that helps rebels and sticks it to the Board? This is a dream come fucking true._

"What's the plan then, boss?" he asked, and saw Parvati paying attention too.

"I need to speak to Gladys first," Jay detailed quietly. "Then, Par wants to stop in on Tennyson, and we can see about this damn heat. I've got a message for a doctor in the Med Bay too. There's also that bounty but it's not urgent, probably won't get round to it." 

"There's the SubLight job too," added Parvati.

"Yeah, that's on the non-priority list, though we can circle back to it." 

"What is it you're needing from Gladys?" he asked, curious.

Jay lowered her voice. 

"Key to Stellar Bay." 

_Oh shit._

He whistled. 

"And I thought my day couldn't get more interesting," he quipped, as the Captain chuckled. 

~~~

"Ah, the ol' Rest-n-Go. With all the luxury and comfort of a shipping container."

It was strange walking back in here, knowing it was no longer his home. In a way it made it harder to believe he was actually leaving, that he wasn't going to wake up and find he'd dreamed the last several hours.

Felix did his best to pay attention as the Captain conversed with Gladys. Unlike the vicar, Parvati was spending her time drinking in the details of their surroundings, not so much a watchful eye.

He took it upon himself to act as the muscle, guarding her back as he listened. Unlike with Wheeler and Lee, Jay was taking a different tact with the wily old woman. Her tone still carried charm and persuasion, but she was being far more direct. He blinked in surprise as the Captain casually revealed it was Phineas Welles that had sent her here to fetch a navkey.

_That's the most wanted fugitive in the system sending us to land on a forbidden planet. There's more going on here, for sure._

Gladys fairly poured out information she'd usually charge hundreds of bits for, and while he could chalk that up to the Welles connection, he had a feeling the experienced fence just plain liked his new captain. The old woman had a distress signal needing investigated, from an outpost named Roseway that Auntie Cleo had allegedly abandoned years back. 

"Signal can't be automated," Parvati mused. "Gotta send those manually." 

"If it's an abandoned outpost, it could be haunted," he quipped, seeing the Captain smirk.

Gladys wanted them to dig out corporate secrets for her. If the information was worth the money, they'd get their navkey. Felix found himself still having to pinch himself that this was real, as the old woman showed no surprise at seeing her former errand runner now finally with a captain of his own.

"I also knit throw pillows stuffed with the hair of famous tossball players," the old woman was saying, and he snapped his attention back to her. "But that's more of a passion project."

"Please tell me you're not the reason Black Hole Bertie shaved his head in the last pennant match," he groaned. 

"Well, he did win his pennant, didn't he?" Gladys smirked.

_Who would buy a pillow full of tossball player hair- no, wait. Plenty of people would._

~~~

"Med Bay next," said Jay, stretching her arms out as they exited the Rest-n-Go. "Though, I should sell some shit first." 

She made a beeline for the Spacer's Choice stand, and Felix was aware she'd already charmed the moon-headed proprietor. 

"Oh, it's Martin," he grinned, adding extra obnoxious cheer to his voice. "Hey, Martin! Still wearing the hat?" 

The poor sod recited his usual response, and Felix shook his head. 

"We're here, with an active inventory," droned Martin, "whenever you like. With a smile on our face, no less."

"How do we know you're smiling behind that mask?" asked Felix. "You could be glaring at us. Or crying quietly."

"The mask is all the smile I need - eternal, unchanging - just like our good deals and commitment to service."

_Yeesh, creepy._

"Fair warning," the Captain lowered her voice as she spoke to the shopkeeper, "you're still logged in on one of the public terminals."

The moon-man swore softly before recovering, and as the Captain tapped up the trade screen and began deftly highlighting and confirming items from the Unreliable's hold, Felix saw she now had a whopping 44% discount from the depressed sounding vendor.

_Score!_

He found himself having to bite back a lot of questions that clearly weren't safe to be answered out here in the open. They passed a bounty drone, loudly broadcasting Phineas Welles as the target, and he schooled his features to what he hoped was a cool neutral. 

"Are you listening to me, Mfuru?!" an angry voice rang out of the Med Bay as they approached. "You can't keep me out of there." 

Felix stayed slightly behind his Captain, intent on still watching her back. He highly doubted anyone would be foolish enough to try something on the figure currently attracting the most attention on the station, but along with his bravado he was determined to do his new job damn well.

Dr Mfuru was currently handling a disgruntled patron, and he watched in interest as the Captain waited patiently for an opening. 

"Please don't make a scene, Dr Fenhill," Mfuru boomed in his rumbling voice.

_Ah, a doctors' quarrel then._

"I am NOT making a SCENE!" yelled the scene-making doc, before turning to face Jay with full sarcasm. "I'm sorry, am I _making_ a scene?" 

Mfuru looked to the sky in exasperation, but seemed to find no salvation. The Captain quirked an eyebrow at the younger doctor. 

"See Mfuru?" Fenhill continued. "We could've avoided all this unpleasantness if you'd let me talk to Jessie in the first place." 

Mfuru stayed resolutely silent. 

"Trouble with your friend?" asked the Captain, pleasantly. 

"Let me get one thing straight," the younger doctor replied, "Jessie and I are _not_ friends. I just owe her, okay? As for the rest, I'm still trying to figure that out. All I know is that she's been here too long, and she's apparently not receiving visitors." 

"Well, if I pass through that way I'll be sure to let her know."

Fenhill blinked in surprise. 

"Be my guest. If you know something I don't about hospital bureaucracy, I'll be impressed."

"Got a message for Dr Dorsett," announced Jay to Mfuru. 

The older doctor waved them through, and Felix hid his grin as he saw Fenhill pouting. 

A quick chat later and it emerged Dorsett was awaiting a missing shipment of modified SAM units to help the staff out with surgery needs. The Captain worked her powers of persuasion and traded a promised mission to track down the shipment out on Scylla, for access to the private patient rooms out back.

After a flurry of activity that had Felix's head in a spin, he was hovering with Parvati inside the fucking Board liaison building, as the Captain bartered with the odious Udom Bedford for Jessie's debts to be balanced. 

"I guess she could go indentured," murmured Parvati, frowning.

"The boss wouldn't do that," Felix shook his head, quite certain despite knowing her for all of a few hours. "The Board's got no right to just enslave another human being." 

_Wait… there's no way I can know how she'll handle this._

"I agree, but-" 

The engineer went silent quickly, as the guards moved their fingers a little closer to the triggers on their weaponry.

_Jumped up fucksticks._

"Why _are_ there armed guards in here?" asked the Captain, apparently noticing the slight movement. 

"You've noticed my friends!" cooed Bedford. "Wonderful. Aren't their guns very large? Tremendously impressive."

"Guess that's the Board's idea of compensation," drawled Felix loudly, grinning as Jay coughed, covering a laugh. 

"They're here to keep the peace, of course," Bedford glared at him.

"To watch your back, you mean," the Captain looked thoughtful, as Felix moved up a little closer.

"Precisely. Groundbreaker makes much ado about its 'independent' status and so resents any Board presence, no matter how benign."

" _Benign_ presence," scoffed Felix. "More like the seeds of tyranny."

"Ah, just the kind of scintillating political insight I'd expect from you, Mr Millstone. I dare say I'm overwhelmed-"

 _Asshole_.

"-As I was saying," Bedford continued to the Captain, "Ms Doyle owes the Board a significant sum. Alas, the only collateral she has is… her organs. Compulsory donation is quite legal in such cases."

Jay raised an eyebrow. 

"I'll pay it off for her." 

"I think you may have underestimated the size of Ms Doyles debt," tittered Bedford. "If you'll look over this itemised bill?"

Felix scanned for the total amount quickly as Jay read it. 

_Shit, that's a lot of bits._

"You're charging that much for… 'emotional anguish'?" the Captain asked flatly. "Really?" 

"I am extremely anguished, Captain. Please respect my feelings in this difficult time."

"Nice one, Bedford," Felix rolled his eyes. "Everybody knows you were never engineered to have feelings."

"Be careful you don't irritate my guards, Mr Millstone. You might not like their rather narrow understanding of what constitutes 'excessive' force."

_Fuck y-_

"Do _not_ threaten my crew, Bedford," Jay's sudden authoritative tone snapped the Board man to rigid attention. "The total is 1443 bits. I'll cover that."

"I-I'm glad we could come to an accommodation," he looked quite shaken. "You, ah, may inform Ms Doyle that our collections agent will be recalled."

"Will do," she nodded, and swept out the building. "Let's go give them the good news." 

" _Damn_ , boss." 

"That was mighty generous, Jay," smiled Parvati. "I thought we needed to save every bit for the key."

"No point in getting to one door faster if we gotta lock folk behind others to get there, Par." 

The engineer beamed and he was pretty sure he was doing likewise as they headed back to Med Bay. 

_Okay, so I was right. But still. I gotta be careful. Though… ain't she trusting me by taking me on like this?_

_And what was that trick she pulled with Bedford? He went from threatening me to shaking in his boots._

Felix was impressed, and not only because it was his defense she'd acted in. Nobody pushed Bedford around, he was a big fish in a small pond, representing everything Board, and even Junlei Tennyson avoided dealing with him whenever possible. 

Felix could count on one hand the number of times anyone had stood up for him, and none of those had been to someone with authority at the Board.

_But the Captain made it look easy… and earlier with Sanita too, when she gave her that look..._

He snapped back to what was going on, as Dr Fenhill was both pleased and displeased by their news. 

Turned out, the young doctor definitely did _not_ enjoy owing any kind of debt, was an actual pirate or leastways swore she was, and quick as a blink had signed up to the crew to work off her debt as their medic.

"Head back to the ship when you're ready, Ellie," Jay nodded to her. "We've got other stuff to get done on the station." 

The doctor threw a lazy salute and left, flipping her middle finger up at Mfuru on the way.

"How are you doing for supplies, doctor?" asked the Captain, smoothing over her new crew member's insult. 

The answer wasn't positive, as Felix already knew. Medical supplies had been running low for some time as the Board refused to deal with the Groundbreaker. It was down to freelancers and SubLight that anyone got treatment at all. 

"We'd nearly signed a supply agreement with Auntie Cleo," explained Mfuru, "but they demanded we only use their branded drugs, and that's simply not tenable." 

"Good on you, doc," said Felix, sincerely. "You don't want Cleo sinking their claws into you like that."

"Hm," Jay looked thoughtful. "I don't much like the thought of profiting from the meds we come across. Can I donate them here?"

 _Wow_.

"Donate?" the doctor blinked in confusion.

"Yeah. Uh, give them to you for free?"

"I mean, yes. By all means!" 

Mfuru looked a mix of confused and suspicious, and Felix grinned. The Groundbreaker wasn't used to people doing good deeds, hell, the whole of Halcyon wasn't. Only Par looked unsurprised, no doubt used to the Captain's methods by now. 

"Right," the Captain pinched the bridge of her nose briefly. "Engineering." 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dog Days Are Over by Florence + the Machine
> 
> The dog days are over  
> The dog days are done  
> Can you hear the horses  
> 'Cause here they come


	3. Undisclosed Desires

"Felix Millstone," Junlei Tennyson smiled at him. "Nice to see you out of the docks. Keeping your nose clean?" 

"Yes ma'am. Been at least a couple weeks since my last nose-related incident." 

"Uh huh. I'm glad to see you in a captain's custody. Just try not to steal any critical parts from my ship." 

_Welp_.

"I'm sensing some history," Felix could at least hear the amusement in his Captain's voice. 

"It's possible I got caught lifting some spare parts a couple years back," he admitted, wincing a little. "But it was only just that one time. Honest." 

"I'd tell you to stay out of trouble, kid," said Junlei, not unkindly, "but I know you'll find it anyway. Whatever you do, just make sure I don't find out." 

_Well, maybe I look good for being known to the runner of the Groundbreaker. And maybe I look like an idiot for stealing from her and getting caught. Yay me._

He caught sight of the Captain smirking at him, and his spirits lifted again. 

~~~

They were heading to the Back Bays, to get a ship part to fix the Groundbreaker's overheated radiators, and Felix jumped ahead of the Captain to stop her in her tracks. 

"Sorry, boss," he held up his hand, "you're, uh, kinda hard to slow down." 

Jay huffed a laugh and leaned over the railing next to them. 

"Sorry, Felix - what's up? We're headed to your old digs, right?" 

"Exactly," he relaxed a little, as Parvati crouched down next to them, resting in the heat. "MacRedd is down there, the guy Sanita has a bounty on? He's, uh, self-proclaimed King of the Back Bays." 

" _Just_ self-proclaimed?" the Captain raised an eyebrow. 

"No, he's got a full court of heavily armed outlaws to back him up," he explained, and she nodded, listening. "He's a bit messed up in the head, likes experimenting with mushrooms. But he's fairer than most, and makes sure no one goes hungry or gets stabbed over nothing." 

"You know him?" 

"Sure, but not well. He knows me though - not many stowaways manage to get a job on this deck." 

"Well, I ain't itching to kill him," she confirmed, and he grinned at her less formal wording. "And if you can talk to him, we've probably got more chance of passing with no bloodshed. Sound good?" 

"That it does, boss. Thanks." 

~~~

"A neighbour from above approaches our realm. Back away now, or you'll parley with the king." 

_Good grief, MacRedd._

The Captain approached the so-called king, who kept his finger on the trigger of a horrendous looking flame thrower, nodding her head in greeting.

"Look at this ripe piece of meat just sizzling on the grill," drawled MacRedd, his eyes dragging up and down the sight of Jay. "Yum yum." 

Felix surprised both the outlaw and himself with his sudden low growl. 

"Hey, Felix!" cried the outlaw, putting his flame thrower down. "Look everyone, it's Felix!"

"Well hey there, your lordship," he grinned, dragging himself back on task. "Good to see you again." 

"So this, er, nice man is a friend of yours, Felix?" asked Parvati. 

"Seeing you here feels like old times," MacRedd said happily, before turning back to the Captain. "Now, what brings you down to my sprat-infested broom closet of a kingdom?" 

"Felix was just telling me about your acquaintance," smiled Jay, speaking for the first time. 

"Sure," Felix nodded, laying the groundwork, pushing his flare of irritation down deep. "Everybody knows Captain MacRedd, terror of the Back Bays and purveyor of rare fungi." 

"Felix is a good kid," beamed the outlaw. "Bad habits. Poor judgement. _Awful_ taste. But we like him down here." 

_Good. Great. Thanks for that._

His captain proceeded to charm the figurative and thankfully not literal pants off MacRedd, bringing up some info about Rizzo's turning down an idea he'd apparently pitched, with Parvati chiming in that he was a true inventor at heart.

_How did they dig up that information?_

MacRedd beamed at the attention, his ego easily flattered. Jay finished up by asking for the needed parts, deftly explaining that if they didn't remove them now, their degradation would slowly poison the Back Bay occupants.

MacRedd readily agreed, and they were given free passage to come and go as they liked.

Felix followed his new crewmates as they walked the length of the long corridor, the Captain casually investigating each room, stairway and ladder leading off to the sides. The outlaws had left everything out in the open, their confidence in their security borne out by the litter of burnt out mechanoids and the occasional corpse slumped across the floor. 

Still, as the Captain moved, he couldn't help but notice there were fewer items behind her, than were in front of her. Consistently. He watched her carefully, looking for her quick fingers, and he could have sworn a plasma blade disappeared right in front of his eyes, as did a tiny flying mechanoid sitting on a random table. And that time… 

_Focus Felix. People don't flicker. Maybe that part we're after really is leaking gas in here._

He refocused his attention where it was supposed to be, on everyone else, as Parvati chatted away about machine names and engineering techniques while the Captain removed the needed part. He allowed himself a brief moment of pride at being the security detail for his Captain and engineer, before swiftly remembering they could no doubt take care of themselves. 

Parvati might be skittish around people, but she had no such qualms with machinery, and carried her gun and hammer with complete confidence. He suspected that the Captain, like himself, wasn't sporting her full outfit on the station, but he could see a knife handle on her belt, a pistol in her shoulder holster, and a modified - heavily modified - plasma carbine strapped to her back. Both holsters were quick release, tied to biometrics, and not the kind of thing he saw very often. 

_Stands to reason if they were on foot in the Vale. Though the vicar is surely a one-man army as well._

He snapped back to the task at hand as he saw they were already at the far end of the bay, and he realised he'd completely blanked the last few hundred metres.

_Well done, great security. Yup._

"Hm, down there must be the engineer," murmured Jay, and sure enough, down in a basement room there was one shroomed up member of Junlei's crew, wobbling around a little. 

The Captain tried to talk to her, but she wasn't entirely… present. 

"Sounds about right," sighed Felix. "MacRedd's something of a gourmand when it comes to mushrooms."

With patience, Jay managed to send her scuttling back to the right deck, and he presumed Junlei would have the sense to let her sober up before returning to work.

Heading back to the entrance, Felix realised the heat was far worse down here. He'd heard the Mardets saying the ship had a few days before the heat became critical, and he still wasn't sure what exactly that meant.

_Critical as in, needs fixed now? Or critical as in, hot enough to kill us all…_

"Got the part, MacRedd," the Captain gave a thumbs up to the outlaw king. "Thanks again." 

MacRedd engaged her in another conversation, relating his own fall from grace, and just as Felix thought they were leaving, Jay gave the king a wolfish grin. 

"One other thing. There's a bounty on your head. I plan to claim the reward." 

_Oh shit._

"Listen to the fire of those convictions," MacRedd grinned back, madly. "This one's hungry for justice! Alive or dead. Rare or medium. What's it gonna be? How do you want me cooked, bounty hunter?"

_Shit shit shit._

"No need for cooking, your lordship," drawled the Captain. "Give me your lighter and the bounty disappears."

Felix held his breath. 

"My flame?" the outlaw raised his eyebrows. "Shit. Little Flick here got me started on the pyro path. Fine, he's yours. Give him a good home."

"Well, that's a relief," said Felix, feeling a touch manic himself. "Wasn't too keen on the thought of coming to blows with you." 

"Don't you worry, Mr MacRedd," smiled Parvati, for once the centre of calm. "We'll treat Mr Flick extra nice on account of he's your friend."

"I'll miss my baby pyro, but it beats losing my head," MacRedd smiled, wiping away a tear. "This court needs its king, and I'm one of a kind." 

Jay flipped the lighter, and the flame jumped. 

"Wait, the engraving on here…" she looked up at MacRedd with a smirk. "Does this say 'Sanita' on it?"

_Hah!_

"Keen eyes you got there," drawled the king. "Sanita gave me this lighter. We had a _carnal_ understanding a few years back, and she wanted me to have something to remember her by."

"MacRedd," Felix had to know, "is this another one of those situations where you're confusing reality with a mushroom trip?" 

"Mushrooms put the 'ality' in 'reality,' Felix. Without mushrooms, it's all just… unreal."

_Not 're'? Okay, no, don't try to make sense of it…_

The Captain huffed a laugh. 

"Now I feel like _I'm_ tripping just from hearing that! See you around MacRedd."

"Don't be strangers, now!" the outlaw called after them, and Jay hit the lift controls, shaking her head. 

~~~

"Just 'pillars?" asked the Captain. "Probably no space for them to metamorph, right?" 

"That's right," Junlei blanched. "Thank goodness." 

"No probs then!" 

The Captain flashed her a grin, as Parvati proceeded to promise to take good care of the ship… innards. 

_Engineers are queer folk. Though Par and Junlei seem happy making moon eyes at each other._

Jay caught his eye with a smirk and he fought to hide his smile. The two engineers were cute, and Parvati was shy enough already without feeling like she was being watched. He followed the Captain out into the engineering bay while they waited. 

"I meant to ask before," he ventured, "but do you prefer 'sir' or 'ma'am', boss?" 

"Neither," she chuckled. "I go by 'she' but I'm not… I don't _do_ gender really. Anyway, of the two I'll take 'sir', but both sound a bit bootlicking, y'know?" 

"Boss, you are the best boss I've ever had." 

He beamed at her, and she smiled, blushing a little. 

_Too cute._

"You good without your grenades?" she asked. 

"Sure thing," he nodded. "Not much place for it on ship." 

"You've been off ship?" 

"Not yet."

Jay laughed, and he grinned at her, feeling the back of his neck heat up again. 

"Right!" announced Parvati, stepping out of the office. "Let's get some aggressive engineering done."

"Yes ma'am," the Captain winked at her and led them through the hall. 

As they got into the lift that would take them to the terminal needing reset, he saw the engineer unholster her hammer rather than her gun, while Jay brought her carbine out to play. 

Felix readied his rifle, checking the sights.

"We're entering a room with a balcony that wraps round all other three sides," the Captain stretched her fingers out, rolling her shoulders. "Mind any explosive barrels that people seem to love leaving fucking everywhere-" 

He grinned at her swearing. 

"-Par, overload the shit out of the ground floor. Felix, take out the ones on top, and cover her. I'll pick 'em off quick." 

The elevator dinged as they arrived at their destination. 

"Let's fuck' em up," growled the Captain, stepping out first, and Felix saw a mantipillar explode on the walkway.

_Fuck, that's a fast draw!_

It was an easy enough fight, as the 'infestation' that had made Junlei shudder to speak of it, consisted of only four other critters. He took out one of them on the balcony in a clean shot, and the other was incinerated before he could pull the trigger. Parvati was screaming like a demon, and he saw a blast wave rolling out from her, splatting a 'pillar against the wall. He put a bullet through its head to be sure, as the last mantipillar showered down in the distance. He hadn't realised plasma weapons could be so near-silent. 

"Boop, boop," whooped the Captain towards the various remains. "Yer _out_." 

She turned with a grin and laughed warmly when she met his eyes. He blushed a little, aware he'd been gaping at her again. 

"Nice work, Felix," she praised genuinely, and he struggled not to blush further.

He'd never had a boss give him praise before, not that he much cared. But praise from this boss was a _whole_ different matter. 

"Oh, that was _good!_ " squeaked Parvati, providing merciful distraction. "I needed that. Damn creepies." 

"You guys are something else," he managed, and laughed at the pleased expression on the engineer's face. 

"Okay," said Jay, leading them further in, "let's turn this heat the fuck down."

They were able to sneak past most of the overactive guardian mechs, and Felix was thankful to demonstrate another skill he brought to the team. He kept up with the Captain deftly, and Parvati spotted a terminal point tucked away high up. The Captain climbed towards it with ease, hanging slightly upside down as she worked. 

It was even hotter this far into the ship, and Felix felt like a sweaty mess, with Parvati not faring much better. Oddly, Jay seemed near unaffected. He couldn't help but notice she stuck her tongue between her teeth as she concentrated, her eyes narrowed, and he snapped his attention back to their surroundings, making sure he could warn her if needed.

There was the sudden noise of mechanical hissing, and as he peeked round the corner he saw the guardians relaxing from high alert back into patrolling mode.

"Captain says try one," whispered Parvati, from her hidey hole halfway up the wall. 

Felix stepped out and towards the mech, ready to drop and roll if needed. The mech swung round to face him, and walked past. He let out the breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding. There was a clang behind him and he spun to see Parvati looking apologetic as she got back to her feet. 

"Sorry, sorry," she held up her hands, and he grinned. 

There was the softest of noises, and the Captain led off again, as always somehow knowing exactly where she was going, leaving Felix wondering if she'd really just dropped from the ceiling in one move. In less than a minute, the pumps were cycled and Junlei was announcing that the temperature across the station was dropping. 

Parvati beamed, and hopped from one foot to the other as they waited on Jay. The Captain was nosing through the logs on the circulation pump control terminal. 

"Jay reads everything," the engineer murmured to him. "But she's so fast! If I could read at half the speed I'd know ever so much." 

Felix nodded, reholstering his weapon as he watched the Captain flicking through the entries. 

"She brings stuff back for us to read too," Parvati continued as she fiddled with her hammer. "I've got engineering books. _Real_ books, Felix! And she got Max some too. They just appear. It's like having a real library or something so fancy." 

Felix chuckled, the engineer's good mood infectious. She was clearly excited to get back and see Junlei, and nervous about the prospect too. 

"You should chat with her. When we're back on the ship I mean," she continued. "Then she'll know what books to magic up for you too!" 

He let Parvati's excited babble wash over him, and kept his smile in place. But as he watched the Captain, he saw her tremble all over, for just a couple of seconds. Jay passed her hand in front of her face, and pinched the bridge of her nose, her head bowed slightly. He felt rooted to the spot, like he was seeing something he wasn't meant to, and then it had passed, and the Captain was herself again, spinning round with a smile for her now quite hyper engineer. 

"You okay, Par?" she asked kindly. 

"Me? Yes. No. I mean, I don't know. Oh _stars_ , I'm nervous." 

"Hey, it's okay," Felix was surprised to see Jay pull Parvati into a quick hug. "Me and Felix have got your back, right?" 

"Right!" he grinned. 

"You are the sweetest," the engineer beamed.

Felix tried to pay attention as the other two chatted on the way back to the deck above, but he couldn't get the image of the Captain suddenly looking so fragile out of his mind. 

~~~

"How goes the hunt?" Sanita greeted the Captain with a smile, and Parvati giggled as Jay lightly wound the Commandant up about her 'carnal understanding' with McRedd. 

The Mardet was satisfied with their proof of the outlaw's death, and the bounty was paid. 

"Hey, Captain Hawthorne," Lee beamed at her as Sanita disappeared into the back office. 

"Just call me Jay," the Captain smiled at the younger man, and Felix felt his annoyance flicker again. 

"That's mighty nice of you!" 

"I was wondering, Lee," she leaned forward conspiratorially, "what can you tell me about SubLight?" 

The answer apparently was _everything_ , as Lee gave her the full unabridged history of the salvage company that more often than not turned perfectly working ships into the salvage they collected. 

"You are such a star," the Captain praised, and Lee turned slightly pink. 

_Fuck sake._

"Gets a mite boring at this desk, you know?" said the Private. "Then I get to chattin' too much and Commandant Sanita's gotta reprimand me again, and… Oops! Doing it again. Sorry!" 

"Don't worry," Parvati piped up with a smile, "Captain's real understandin'."

"Awful generous of you," blushed Lee, with huge puppy eyes, "listening to me like this." 

"Any time, Lee," the Captain nodded with a smile as they headed back onto the promenade. 

Felix had never had a problem with Lee, in fact the guy had got him out of a jam a couple of times, so the fact he now found him the height of irritation was all the more vexing. He was pretty sure he knew why he was feeling like punching him in the face, and it definitely spelled trouble. 

~~~

Seeing Junlei couldn't be put off any longer, and Jay gave Parvati more than a couple of helpful nudges as the two bashful engineers made shy conversation at each other. 

The Captain caught his eye, nodded to the door, and Felix followed her out. Given how awkward the two women were, it made sense to give them some privacy. 

"Apparently, there's another job out here for us-"

She was interrupted by an engineer named Edna waving them over, talking about a back-up relay satellite needing looked at as a main communications relay was about to be occluded by a gas giant for a few months.

"Can't the Board handle the messages?" asked the Captain. 

"Sure, I mean they got their own relays 'n' all," the engineer frowned, "but they'll only send along messages the corporations pay for, and then they charge folks to send messages back, often more'n they can afford. And none of that money goes to the Groundbreaker - just tightens the Board's grip on our throat." 

"Fuck the Board," said Jay, matter of factly. 

"You tell 'em, boss," Felix grinned widely, seeing her smile. 

"Simmer down, Felix," tutted Edna. "See, now you got the boy all riled."

The Captain seemed a little unsettled as the conversation continued, and Felix worried that perhaps him being so familiar to so many on the Groundbreaker - mostly in a negative light - wasn't doing him many favours.

_Fuck. And none of them have really been TRYING to make me look bad. If they did…_

After talking to Junlei, Parvati happily babbled away all the way back to the Unreliable, and Felix couldn't help but smile, both at the engineer's enthusiasm, and the fond way the Captain was listening to her. He was fairly sure her excitement was down to a pretty big crush on Junlei, and he was just as sure the interest had been mutual. 

He was also convinced that had affected how the Captain interacted with the Groundbreaker boss, talking to the master engineer with near the same openness as she reserved for her crew. Jay seemed relaxed too, now that their business on the station was concluded, and they'd be leaving in the morning. 

Ada welcomed them aboard with what sounded suspiciously like sarcasm, and Jay huffed a laugh as she took her jacket off and stretched with a soft moan. Felix rabbited up the stairs to have a stern word with himself, and definitely not to think about his new Captain wearing a tight tank top that…

He ducked into his room just as the vicar stepped out of his, and slammed the door behind him. 

_Get it to-fucking-gether, Felix. Do not blow this. Think with your brain, not with your dick for fuck sake._

He sought out the showers once he'd calmed down, determined to cleanse his thoughts with cold water. 

~~~

Felix was surprised to find the Captain's door open, and he called out rather than ducking his head round.

"Can I come in, boss?" 

"Of course!" 

She sounded cheerful if tired, and he returned her smile as he entered her cabin. 

_Huh, I thought this'd be much bigger than mine._

"Oh wow," he breathed, as he took in the window that made up the entire front wall. "That's some view."

Ada had moved them into orbit around the Groundbreaker, though from what he understood they'd be docking again before leaving. It wasn't unusual, as docking space was sometimes limited, but looking at the ship he'd only ever seen from the inside…

_This is all really real._

"You've never seen it from out here?" the Captain asked softly, and he nodded.

"It looks so small," he murmured. "I mean, it feels small when you're trapped on it. But I guess I thought it'd look… bigger. I always dreamed of seeing it from afar, getting smaller as I got further away. Having the run of the colony. Never being anchored to one place. Always chasing some horizon-"

He cut himself off, embarrassed at having rambled, but Jay smiled at him, and he had the distinct impression she understood. 

"Take a, uh," she hesitated, looking around. "I was gonna say seat, but I guess sitting on the bed will have to do?" 

Jay bumped up on the desk herself, sitting cross-legged with her back to the Groundbreaker and the stars, and he sat on the bed with a grin, feeling far more comfortable than he had in the presence of any other boss. 

_Not that I called any of them boss, of course. Just this one, wearing that top… whose bed I'm sitting on…_

"I have some questions," he began, trying not to blush any further. 

"I thought you might," she smiled. "Fire away." 

"I'm not entirely sure where to begin," he said honestly, running his hand through his hair, "but maybe the one I started asking already would be as good a place as any. You said the bar on the Groundbreaker, its name I mean, that it meant something to you." 

"The Lost Hope," she nodded, and for a brief moment sadness passed over her face. "From what I gather, in some places it has more of a mythical status now... the colony ship that never arrived."

"I think more for those in the settlements," he offered, not sure of the significance. "On the Groundbreaker it's easy enough to believe a similar ship didn't arrive. The Board even put out anniversary stuff about it a few years back." 

"That's something," she looked thoughtful, before sighing sadly. "Okay, I'm just gonna say it. I'm from the Hope." 

Felix blinked in confusion, and she held a hand up, intent to keep talking. 

"The colony ship _was_ lost, it dropped out of skip, and it's still only on the edge of the system. But it _did_ arrive in Halcyon, twenty-five years too late, with all the people still frozen. It was too long to thaw anyone out, according to the Board's scientists who just ditched the ship orbiting an ice planet. Since the Hope left Earth, it's been seventy years… but Phineas Welles found a way to wake me up." 

"Holy shit." 

"Yeah."

"You're over ninety?!" 

Jay burst out laughing, her sadness pushed away, and he grinned. It was a lot to take in, but it made perfect sense. The way she was different that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Her need for information on every little detail from every perspective. Her instructions from the greatest rebel outlaw of them all. 

"Welles defrosted me," she continued. "And he has a plan to do the same for the rest of those on the Hope. That ship has all the top scientists, engineers, philosophers, doctors, artists… anyone and everyone a colony needs to thrive, as well as survive."

"And the Board aren't interested in that?" 

"I'm sure they are, but they lack the science. They've kept the Hope sitting there, abandoned for another thirty-five years. From what I gather, they'd certainly manipulate such a thing to their own ends if they did have the means to wake them up. Gotta keep everyone indoctrinated, right?" 

He nodded. The Board were only interested in profit for those at the top, and the current situation surely suited them just fine. Jay's words were strident by the standards of even the most anti-Board dissidents, but if she was really fresh from the Hope it was of little surprise she was in agreement with the number one enemy of the Board.

"It's a lot, I know," she winced slightly. 

"It must have been a lot for you," he said softly, and saw her eyes widen in surprise. "I can't imagine waking up to all this." 

"Yeah," she huffed a small laugh. "Welles woke me up and stuck me straight in an escape pod to crash near the Unreliable on Terra 2. Except the pod landed _on_ Captain Hawthorne, who didn't think to stand back from the homing beacon. Suddenly I had a ship to repair, a new identity, and I didn't even know what a Terra 2 was." 

She shrugged. 

"I'm getting up to speed. And honestly, I'm beyond lucky to be alive. I could have been frozen in space forever." 

" _Fuck_ ," he stretched back, and his exclamation made her grin. "If you don't mind me saying, boss, you have a pretty good disposition considering." 

"I'm used to adapting quick," she explained with a small smile. "Probably why Welles selected me. I'm no scientist or engineer, I'm not a doctor or philosopher. I'm just uniquely suited to this particular task." 

"You're a spy, right?" 

"Hah!" she laughed, warmly. "That's close, way closer than the others got. I'd describe myself as a finder, for both items and information. A really fucking good one. There's a crossover with corporate espionage, and I was employed to keep tabs on the corporations who would undoubtedly try to fuck up this colony."

Felix let out a whistle. 

"Damn, not having the Hope really hurt Halcyon."

"It had all the elements a society needs to avoid the worst excesses of predatory capitalism. It's no wonder it didn't get to arrive." 

"Wait…" he gasped. "The Hope was sabotaged?" 

"I'd put good money on it," she scowled. "Though there were meant to be eyes in place ensuring that didn't happen. Not my wheelhouse, but I should have made it mine. I'm glad I was registered fully under a new alias, biometrics and all, or I'd probably have been spaced." 

His mind was swimming. All of Halcyon so far, the colonisation, it had all been so fucked. And yet it wasn't the way it was meant to have been. Without the Hope, without hope at all, things had spiralled in all the wrong directions. 

But now the Hope had arrived. Or near enough. 

"So Captain Hawthorne both is and isn't you?" 

"Mhm. Alex Hawthorne was the last Captain, who Welles hired to help me. Ada informed me that she could only obey the orders of _a_ Captain Hawthorne, so that had to be me too."

_Then Jay is her real name._

"So you're a rebel Captain with a ship that's got a dark and violent history?" he grinned at her. "This is just too perfect." 

"Like the serials?" she smirked.

"Better!"

She laughed, and he tried to ignore his stomach flipping at the sound. 

"You said Welles has a plan to wake everyone?" 

"It's not without risk," she frowned a little, "but he has a method that works after years of study. Unfortunately, it requires a certain chemical that is in Board hands. And Phineas used his last reserves defrosting me. All the hoops we're jumping through right now are to get those goods, and deliver the Hope to Halcyon."

"You realise you sound even more like you've stepped out of the serials now, right?" he grinned as she blushed slightly. "Shit, you won't even have seen any of the serials I'm talking about-" 

He gasped suddenly. 

"-or tossball!" 

"That wasn't even a sport where I'm from," she laughed, "though I'm keen to learn. The serials too."

Her smile faded as she looked serious for a moment, as if a sadness she'd been holding back had pressed a little harder. 

"Everything is… very different," she said softly, and he remembered Parvati's words about how much Jay read, _devoured_ , all the information she could find. 

"Well," he brought all the cheer he could muster to his voice, "it's a good job you've got a crew who can keep you right." 

He beamed at her, and she smiled, gratefully. 

"Thanks, Felix, you're proof I've been lucky with that. And just so you know, I don't hire just anyone who asks." 

_I'm proof-?_

Max called out from the hall, and as she went to see the vicar she gave Felix a cheeky wink, and he tried to pretend his heart didn't flutter. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Undisclosed Desires by Muse
> 
> I know you've suffered  
> But I don't want you to hide  
> It's cold and loveless  
> I won't let you be denied


	4. Waking Up

They were travelling to Scylla in the morning, the Captain intent on fulfilling the mission for Dr. Dorsett's missing Sam units before they headed to Roseway.

Ada had flipped the ship into night mode, and Felix had happily settled into his new room. He lay in his bunk, his mind buzzing as he struggled to accept his new reality as, well, reality. This room was smaller than his Rest-N-Go digs but he was the sole occupant, a complete novelty. His desk was only his, his bunk only his, these walls only his, and the door only his.

_This is… a lot._

He'd spent countless days and nights dreaming of flying away from the Groundbreaker on a ship, part of a crew with a Captain of his own. He was still half-expecting to wake up at any moment.

_Any ship would have been incredible. But one that is anti-Board? Proper rebels instead of pirates? With a mission to save the entire fucking system?!_

Felix laughed softly to himself, struggling to accept that something so good had fallen into his lap. 

_This is literally everything I've always wanted. Except… I guess I never dreamed of a Captain like Jay. I don't admire a whole lot of people, and I know I can trust people way too fast. But she really does seem like the real deal._

_And I know she's able to win people over real easy, but she's totally genuine with Par and she speaks the exact same to me. I'm sure of that at least. I want to be the best damn crewmember I can be, especially if she's worried about what the Groundbreaker folk thought of me. I gotta concentrate on that, and stuff the- the other stuff down. I can't mess this up._

His body didn't get the message, and he refused to give in to that side of his feelings. Eventually, tiredness won out, and he drifted off at last. 

~~~

Felix had been surprised to pass the hold the next morning to see it looking a lot fuller, with weapons and supplies that he had last seen in the Mardets' contraband room. 

When he'd asked Parvati, she'd revealed that the Captain often had trouble sleeping, and had no doubt done some 'liberating' during their second docking while they slept. 

The crew hesitantly got to know each other as the ship crossed the system, though Jay didn't seem to know the meaning of the word hesitant. She chatted happily with all of them, soaking up more information, and Felix was intrigued to see that each crew member seemed to admire her greatly in their own way.

The prickly vicar spoke more gently to her than anyone else, and Felix could swear he looked a tad guilty in her presence too. The new sawbones was one of those loudly lone wolf types, but he could see she quickly gained respect for the sharp-witted Captain who saw far more than she said aloud. The engineer of course thought she was the sprat's whiskers, and seemed to gain bravery when the Captain was near, chirping away to Max and Ellie in a way she never did when on her own.

As for himself, he quickly realised that what had begun as a small complication was swiftly becoming a big problem. He'd found himself hiding in his room a little too often, trying to get a handle on both his body and mind that kept rebelling against his resolve. He'd had crushes before of course, and it's not like he was inexperienced in such things, but he'd never mooned over someone in a position of power before. Ever.

And it wasn't as if the boss was, well, his _superior_. Least she didn't act as such, taking time to listen to everyone's input and letting others weigh in on decisions. Jay was stridently anti-Board, more than anyone he'd ever met, and had a handle on political philosophy that stopped even the vicar from risking much of a debate. She was nothing like a corporate boss, and that was a sure difference.

But he had to work with her. Hell, he _wanted_ to work with her, to be the best damn crew member he could be. It was just that he also wanted to do a whole lot of other stuff… _with_ her.

Felix groaned quietly again, his face smushed into his pillow to muffle his complaint even further. He couldn't exactly pretend that he hadn't noticed the reaction his body had upon first seeing the Captain. In fact he was pretty sure it had kicked in the moment she'd leapt from her ship, landing in a graceful crouch, springing to her feet elegantly across the docking bay.

And it was far easier to acknowledge that side of his feelings than the emotional ones, which were much more dangerous. She had an aura about her, a power that didn't stem from a badge or title, but from how she moved in the world, how she treated others and let herself be treated. She was the hero from the serials, and he was… he was…

_A Back Bays stowaway brat, who finally got the ship of his dreams to sail away on, and now hides inside it thinking about defiling the very person who took a chance on him. Hooray._

He lightly thudded his face into the pillow repeatedly, in the hope he could knock some sense into himself. 

_It's just a crush. It'll pass! I keep my focus on the job, and on the entire crew. I'll make sure I please the Captain. I mean, provide service to her. I mean, that I work… well. Fuck._

~~~

Felix hadn't been able to ask the Captain all the questions he had, but he figured he could work some of the answers out elsewhere. He understood completely why Par had signed up to the Unreliable, as it didn't sound like she'd felt she fitted in on Edgewater, and she'd always dreamed of being a ship's mechanic. 

Max, on the other hand, was a mystery to him. The vicar was mostly silent, buried in his books or scribbling notes, and while Felix didn't know much about the Order of Scientific Enquiry, it would be an understatement to say he was not a fan of any type of organised religion. Least of all one approved by the Board.

He eyed him up in the kitchen, wondering how best to find out what he was doing on the ship. The vicar gave an annoyed sigh.

"If you have a question, at least have the courage of your convictions to ask it, Mr Millstone."

_Yup, definitely an asshole._

"Oh, I was just wondering how it feels?" 

"How _what_ feels?" Max wasn't bothering to look up from his book.

"Serving an instrument of corporate supremacy," drawled Felix. 

"Let me hazard a guess. You’re talking about the church." 

"Isn’t it true the OSI is just a cog in the machine of oppression?" 

"I’m glad you’re asking questions, Mr Millstone. Curiosity is the foundation of the Scientician faith." 

_Ugh_. 

"Don’t try and convert me, preacher." 

The vicar looked smug, and Felix had the suspicion he'd just lost a game he hadn't known he was competing in.

~~~

"Hey, boss," Felix smiled as the Captain wandered into the otherwise empty kitchen. "Everything okay?" 

She looked a little flustered, but she met his smile happily after procuring a drink from the fridge. 

"I'm good, just been trying to learn more stuff," Jay lowered her voice conspiratorially as she sat down beside him. "The OSI stuff doesn't actually make sense, right?" 

"Hah!" he grinned, shaking his head as he put his magazine down. "Nah, it doesn't at all. Though your vicar preaches so hard I think he probably also suspects that." 

"Yeah, I get that impression too," she nodded, before stretching with a small sigh. "It's been kinda hard to figure out which knowledge gaps are me needing to learn more, and which genuinely don't add up. And-" 

Her voice got even softer, and Felix leaned closer. 

"-I don't like feeling like I'm accidentally insulting people sometimes? I mean Max is fine, but someone like Par, and even Ellie… I think sometimes my reactions or questions might sting when I don't mean them too."

"I get you," he said firmly, and he saw her relax a little. "For what it's worth, I know exactly how fucked up everything is here. And you definitely won't insult me, boss. I'm more than happy to help with info when I can." 

"Thanks, Felix. I really appreciate that-" 

_Don't blush, don't blush, dont-_

"-Actually, you know how you interviewed for the crew? Par explained how jobs work down on Terra, with kids being sent away for schooling based on a vocational test that sets their job for life. And then they get sent to wherever a job opening is, no choice. On the Groundbreaker, Wheeler said people inherited jobs… if they had anyone to inherit one from I guess?"

"That's right," he nodded. "If you don't have family to pass down a job, your only options are SubLight or Spacer's Choice. The former have a high fatality rate, and the latter a high frustration rate. That's who I hauled boxes for. Nothing ever opens up in engineering or the Mardets or the stores really, it's all inherited. Options are limited, really limited. 

"A lot of the folk who are pirates went through what Par did, except they ended up in jobs that didn't suit them at all. You don't get second choices, just schooled and sent. So, could be you're smart but fragile and end up doing manual labour. Or you love travelling but get trapped in an office. The majority of people, the _vast_ majority, stay in the jobs they're given. The fear of being unemployed is almost greater than the fear of death or illness."

"Yeah," Jay frowned. "In Edgewater I had people near dying refuse medication that would save their lives, because it might get them fired from their jobs. It was fucking obscene." 

Felix couldn't help but smile at her anger, and she quirked an eyebrow. 

"Sorry, boss - it's just, I barely ever hear someone calling it like it is. I spent most of my life climbing upwards, trying to get that mythical job that would solve all my problems. And I did better than most in my position. But I hit a wall I couldn't get past. Still, I know I had it better than the grounders. The propaganda couldn't hide it all."

He looked at her carefully, trying to work out what was troubling her. 

"I'm guessing," he ventured, "that the way all this works is new to you?" 

"Hah, yeah," she huffed a laugh. "I mean, it's not entirely different to how it works in some places back home. But not everywhere was like that. And even the ones that were… they weren't this extreme. Down on Terra 2, babies are owned by the company that employs their parents. Or even the office they were conceived in the employment of. It's completely inhumane. 

"I don't think indentured is ever morally right, but being born into it? Fuck, that's outright slavery. And then health treatment determined by productivity, people dying young from labour exhaustion, having to pay rent on your own damn grave?! It's a fucking mess." 

He nodded, understanding why she didn't feel comfortable discussing such things with the others. To them, these were the basic facts of how things worked. Looking at them with horror would shatter the denial that kept them functioning, able to keep going. 

"What you did then," she continued, "I mean, standing up to your foreman… that has to be pretty rare?" 

"Well, yeah. 'Cause it's pretty stupid." 

She laughed warmly, and he grinned, feeling pleased. 

"I wouldn't say that," she smiled. "Determining your own worth is pretty damn smart, and difficult. A lot of people end up sacrificing who they are to survive." 

Felix flushed with her praise, scrambling to keep his cool.

"I mean it sounds nice put that way," he conceded, "but I'd have been screwed if you hadn't taken me on. Aside from anything else, the corporate managers wouldn't want me standing as an example of dissidence. I would've had to return to the Back Bays for my own safety as much as anything else."

"Well, it's a good job you interview so well," she smirked, her eyes twinkling, and he laughed.

"I was surprised you didn't ask me harder questions, boss. Get me calculating cartesian vectors and determining the trajectory of Scylla or something." 

"What, and have you give away how smart you actually are?" she winked at him, and he chuckled, trying to cover his blush again. "Besides, the pie question told me all I needed to know." 

_Hah, I knew it._

"I meant to ask," she relaxed her posture a little, "why is the term 'stowaway' used on Groundbreaker? Back home it means someone who sneaks aboard."

"It's their word for orphans with no family, no company to take us in, nowhere to go but the Back Bays. The word's a touch kindlier than 'rungleech', but the meaning's just as clear. If you can't support your own self, you don't deserve to be on the Groundbreaker."

His voice had got angrier before he realised, reigning it back in, and Jay nodded in sympathy. 

"Shit. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, boss," he shook his head, not wanting her to feel bad. "I mean, it's not, but… I never asked for charity. What I wanted was a fair shot. I lived my whole life looking out at the stars. I worked hard to get where I was, but I could never hope to be anything more than a box-hauler. That's what the establishment told me. 

"Stowaways were just as trapped as anybody else. We didn't belong in the system, but we still had to live in it. We still had to play by the Board's rules.

"You spend your best years laboring on the docks, looking out at the stars and watching your horizons shrink with every passing day, knowing you can never aspire to anything greater - sooner or later, you start believing that's all you're worth."

Jay sighed, nodding her head. 

"And I'm guessing you just get told it's your own fault, right?" 

"Exactly," Felix nodded, glad she understood. "That's what they _all_ told me. The Mardets. The Board. My old foreman." 

"This colony really doesn't care about its people," she sighed. 

_She really gets it._

"That's exactly what I been saying. The system doesn't care about the individual. We're only as valuable as our jobs."

"I can see why SubLight is an attractive employer."

"Yeah. I mean, they wouldn't have had a use for a scrawny Back Bays brat like me. But I didn't much fancy their mortality rate either. Maybe if I'd had a better head for numbers and figures, engineering might have picked me up. There ain't a whole lot of actual kids around right now."

"What about piracy?" 

"The thought had occurred to me, boss. But I had to get off the Groundbreaker first." 

"Hence you needing your ship to come in," she smiled at him, and he was suddenly aware of just how much he'd been spilling his guts.

"... 'xactly," he managed. 

"Oh, there you are, Jay!" called Parvati, happily. "Can you come give me some input on a project I'm working on?" 

"'Course," the Captain smiled, standing up. "Thanks Felix, that stuff was weighing down on me a bit. And I really appreciate getting to know you better." 

"Anytime, boss," he said softly, waiting until she was out of sight to stop fighting the blush sweeping across him. 

~~~

Ellie was staring at him from across the table, and Felix put his issue of Dissident Hunter down with a small sigh. 

_Memo to self - kitchen is not a good place to be readin'._

"Felix, right? From the docks?" she asked, and he nodded. 

"Whatever you've heard, it's all true." 

"What are you doing here?" 

"I'm adventuring!" he laughed, still pleased at being able to say it. "Ain't it something?" 

"So, you're, uh. You're really running around with us… permanently, huh?"

He smirked at her puzzled tone. 

"Sure am. I'm a part of the crew. Got my own bunk and everything."

She drummed her fingers on the table. 

"You know, now that you're a real pirate, I should induct you into the pirate's code of silence."

"Ooooh. The code of silence!" he drawled, knowing fine well what she meant. "What's that?" 

"It means you agree not to talk. For a very long time." 

"Ah, well unfortunately I'm afraid talking is exactly what the Captain hired me for," he allowed himself to look a little smug as she harumphed.

_Actually, Ellie is the only one with crew experience here…_

"Can I ask you something? Seriously I mean."

She paused for a moment, eyebrow raised, before nodding.

"This is my first time with a crew, obviously," he continued. "And I don't want to fuck up. So, uh, how do I not fuck up?"

"Hah," she laughed, which he hoped was a good sign. "Every crew is different. The most important thing is to recognise what type of captain you have. There's a whole load of different bad types, and only a couple of good types."

"What's the main difference?" 

"With a bad captain, they don't give a shit about keeping you alive. Which means they don't give a shit about paying you. In those cases, you look out for number one, only."

"Huh," Felix was surprised. "I kinda thought that'd be your rule for all captains." 

"Not quite," she shook her head. "'Cause a good captain is one that pays you. And that's the kinda captain you want to keep around. I'm not saying you rely on them, I'm saying the opposite - you gotta keep them alive. Keep the paydays coming." 

"So if it's a captain you like-" 

"No," Ellie cut across him with a frown. "You don't _like_ them, Felix. You can't trust anyone but yourself. Hell, some of the captains that pay me best were utterly unlikeable. But they kept their crews alive and paid them. This captain strikes me as one that's gonna need help to stay alive." 

"What do you mean?" he asked, trying to keep the worry from his voice.

"Cap's one of those folk that throws themselves into danger. Doesn't hide behind her crew. And I respect that. But I also want her to not get killed, otherwise I gotta go sit on my ass and wait for another crew to roll by." 

"But you totally don't like her," he drawled, a tad too knowingly.

"Don't be an ass," the doctor hissed. "I tolerate her. Which is more than can be said for you." 

She flipped him the finger and stalked off angrily.

_Yup, she totally likes Jay._

~~~

"Hey, Captain. Can I get your temperature on something real quick?" 

Parvati's voice drifted out of the hold, as Felix rearranged the crates more efficiently outside the Navigation centre, itching to do something useful. It wouldn't be too much longer til they arrived at their destination, but he wasn't used to sitting on his hands for any length of time. 

"Sure," he heard Jay answer, from where she'd been tinkering with her carbine again. 

He didn't want to eavesdrop, but short of leaving an almighty mess across the floor, he could only try and finish up fast. 

"So, Junlei and I been talking some? Through messages? I get 'em here on my datapad. And, well… She sent me a poem. One she wrote her own self, I'm pretty sure-" 

_Okay, I'm definitely eavesdropping. Great._

"-I don't know if I should read into it. Because poems are all symbolic and such, right? It's… not so good. But real sweet."

"Comes from the heart, you'd say?" the Captain asked, and he smiled at her being so gentle. 

"Oh Law," Parvati gave a nervous giggle. "That's what's got me so spooked. I don't rightly know. It's about this engine that's been shaking itself apart. Then this lady mechanic comes by and lays one hand on it. The trouble goes away. It sings-"

_That is too cute._

"-I don't want to get too hopeful. But I'm wondering if maybe she's the engine and I'm the lady? It's a real romantic poem. Made my chest hurt kinda."

"Sounds like she likes you."

"I don't know where it's leading yet," Parvati sounded a little panicked. "Or if I'm misinterpreting. I'm not much interested in… physical stuff-" 

_I definitely shouldn't be listening!_

"-Never have been. Least ways not like other folk seem to be. It's not that I can't? I just don't care for it. It's been a problem, in the past. The folk who wanted to be with me, back in the Vale? They didn't- They said I was cold." 

"That's a shitty thing for them to say, Par."

"When folks start implying you're little different from an automechanical, you start to wonder." 

_Fuck, that's horrible._

"Hey," Jay''s voice was gentle but firm. "You're about the warmest person I ever met. To hell with them."

_Damn right._

"Thanks, Captain," he could hear the relief in Parvati's voice. "That makes me feel a touch better. I actually had another message from Junlei. I just… couldn't work up the courage to open it. But, I'm gonna change that. Right now. Okay. Here we go."

Felix held his breath, his work long-finished as he lingered, unable to get to the stairs without being seen. 

"Let's see here. Talking about old friends… got to thinking… Isabelle? Who's- who's Isabelle?" 

The engineer sounded devastated. 

_Shit_. 

"Everything okay?" Jay's voice was soft. 

"They were… close, Captain. Like more-than-friends close."

"They ' _were_ ' close? Not anymore?" 

_Good point, well made._

"I don't know!" Par still sounded upset. "Junlei talked about them like it was past, but how far in the past? Ten years? Last week? Captain, I'm feeling all mixed up right now. Could we maybe head to the Groundbreaker after Roseway? Get some drinks at that bar there, the Lost Hope?" 

_That sounds like a bad-_

"You said you don't drink. Will you be alright?" 

Felix smiled. The Captain would always look out for her. And the whole crew at that. 

"If you're there, I'm sure things'll be okay-like I mean, you wouldn't let nothing bad happen to me, right? It's just, I ain't been able to sleep for three nights now. I just wanna unwind. Just the tiniest bit. Thanks for asking, by the by. It means something to know you're looking out."

"Any time, Par." 

"I'm gonna go shower and clear my thoughts. Then back to work!" 

He heard the ladder being climbed, and he risked moving back, ready to scarper.

"Hey."

The Captain's voice was soft, and he spun like a sprat in a spotlight as she emerged from the hold. 

"Don't worry," she laughed. "Par knew you were out here." 

"Oh," he blinked in surprise. "Good. I was feeling guilty overhearing." 

Jay looked tired, and Felix wondered just how bad her sleeping was. 

"Is she gonna be okay?" he asked. 

"I reckon so. She's got a big heart, it's easily bruised. The pair of them are completely hopeless." 

Felix grinned. 

"They're cute though. Romantic-like I mean." 

"They are," she smiled. "Everyone deserves some happiness when they find it." 

She yawned suddenly, and blushed. 

"Sorry. I should try and get some sleep." 

"Sweet dreams," he offered, his voice dropping deeper than he intended. 

She gave a soft smile and headed up the stairs.

_Maybe she- ...shit. I'm in big fucking trouble._

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Radioactive by Imagine Dragons
> 
> I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
> Enough to make my systems blow  
> Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
> Welcome to the new age, to the new age


	5. Pain in Reverse

"What was your family like, Felix? Did you ever know them?" 

Felix saw Ellie stiffen at the table, uncomfortable with Parvati asking such a personal question, but he always had a well prepared answer. 

"I never knew 'em. I was a stowaway," he shrugged. "That's what they call orphans who grow up in the Back Bays." 

"Oh gosh. I'm sorry," said Parvati softly. "That must have been lonesome."

"Come on Par. Who're you talking to? Imagine me, pining after my family."

He grinned, and she tilted her head, knowingly. 

"Yeah, suppose I was a touch lonesome," he admitted. "But hey - look at me now. I made it. I got a ship and everything."

"That's true!" the engineer beamed as she turned back to her breakfast. 

All five of them were at the table, as the Captain poured over datapads, Max was engrossed in a book as always, and the others were finishing eating. The Unreliable had landed on Scylla, an abandoned asteroid mining operation, and at least three of them would soon be setting out.

Felix couldn't help but notice that Jay had her concentrating face on, her tongue sticking out a little as her eyes flew across the data. 

"Max." 

The vicar ignored Ellie. 

"Maximillian."

"Vicar," the medic was relentless, and Felix could see Max starting to twitch.

"Viiiicky."

"WHAT?!" Max exploded. 

"Shoot, I forgot," smirked Ellie. "It'll come to me."

_Hah, I like her._

~~~

"Felix and Max, you're with me." 

The two men nodded, jumping to their feet. 

"Boys day out is it?" drawled Ellie, following them down the stairs, and the Captain laughed. 

"Primal hunting day," she grinned. "Got some behemoths out there. But if you fancy hauling a grenade launcher…?" 

"I'm good, thanks. I'll just stay here and await your injuries." 

Felix smirked as he shouldered his heavy weaponry. Jay had added a plasma rifle alongside her carbine, but was otherwise travelling light. Max had a massive heavy machine gun in addition to his tactical shotgun and scythe. 

"Plan?" the vicar asked bluntly as they made their way out of the ship. 

"We stay high wherever possible. Scope long, these fuckers blend in here more than in the Vale. Don't attack without forewarning when possible. If there's a behemoth, we try and climb a wreck _before_ shooting." 

The Captain was light on her feet, using a scope to see which way was clearest. 

"We've got some outlaws too. Nothing serious and only on the roads. We'll hit a few but the rest can wait. And okay, what the fuck is _that?_ "

Felix swung round at her confused tone, and grinned. 

"That's a planet… maker-upper?" he offered. "Er, terraformer. That’s the word."

"Bloody hell. This place was _worse_?" 

"I don't think it's fully functioning," offered Max. "There were mining operations here, but they weren't profitable enough." 

"Hm, so the Board pulled out and left all this shit behind." 

"Sounds about right," drawled Felix. "But if there was no atmosphere til the Board put in the shields… where'd the primals come from?" 

"I daresay someone fucked up," smirked Jay, and he grinned in response.

"Let's find the errant delivery boy," the vicar yawned. "I'd like to get enthusiastically violent." 

Felix barked a laugh of surprise. 

_This crew has a mechanic that does 'aggressive engineering', a pirate doctor, an 'enthusiastically violent' vicar, and an anarchist captain. And I worried about being perceived as a thug!_

"We need to start by clearing the other landing pad up there," the Captain turned and pointed. "I'm not leaving the Unreliable with potential pirates that close." 

"Nobody's fired on us," Max squinted as he looked at the secondary landing pad, higher than their current position. "But I agree." 

~~~

A handful of outlaws, a heap of rubbish, the remains of a circus act that had apparently heavily featured primals, and Felix was already enjoying himself. 

"The idiocy of humans knows no bounds," Jay muttered, having read out the circumstances of the circus owner's predictable demise. 

"Well, at least now I know where the primals came from," he grinned. "I feel much better." 

The Captain laughed. 

"Can you see the crash site we're looking for from here?" asked Max. 

"There's too much debris to tell," she scoped in the direction Ada had said looked most likely. "This asteroid is a mess. Buuuut there's some pretty fresh bodies in an escape pattern coming down that crest."

Jay pointed out the direction, and they picked up their weapons. 

~~~

"You know what your problem is, Vic?" Felix asked quietly, as they rested after an outlaw shootout. 

"Other than being called ‘Vic’?" 

"You scienticians got no imagination. That’s your problem." 

"I’ve imagined you being quiet," Max sighed. "It was a nice daydream." 

"Everything always goes according to plan, right?" he persisted. "Ain't that what scripture tells you?" 

"Scripture also tells us to exercise patience in the presence of the young and the foolish. But I repeat myself." 

Felix heard the Captain snort a laugh, and grinned to himself. 

~~~

One distinctly ungrateful rescued pilot later, and the trio set out to return to the Unreliable. It had been an easy enough fight, with the Captain picking off the outlaw leader and lookouts from her vantage point then joining the rumble as the guys finished them off. The pilot had been scared shitless, not only by the men holding him hostage, but also by his rescuers. 

Felix was impressed, not only by the Captain but by the vicar too. The man was utterly demented, screaming into battle like a shroomed up MacRedd. To get to the would-be hostage scene in the first place they'd had to pass four primals, and while Jay had picked two off before they got close, Felix had to switch to melee fighting to avoid blowing Max up as he scythed the beasts personally.

Still, there wasn't a scratch on any of them, and he was quickly learning how to best utilise his skills with the Captain and vicar's different approaches to battle. Jay sought higher ground, picking targets off by stealth in a tightening pattern to avoid tipping off the other targets. Her plasma weapons were noiseless at even a slight distance, aiding her stealthy approach. 

Up close she was quick on the draw, moving almost quicker than he could track, and definitely favoured her guns over the knife which he figured had to be a last resort weapon. 

Max, on the other hand, constantly cycled through his loadout, blasting his machine gun when he had room to move, whipping his scythe out whenever his screaming reached fever pitch, and blasting targets back with his shotgun when he needed more space.

Felix ably provided heavy support, ensuring that no target could get close to the Captain, and that the vicar wasn't swarmed even when he was running straight into the middle of every target. When needed, he switched to his souped-up tossball stick, and put his dropkicks to good use. He felt like he'd given a pretty good display of his fighting talents, all things considered. 

Jay had praised him and Max both, the vicar shrugging, unbothered, while he'd at least this time managed to keep the blush from his face. It hadn't escaped his notice though that praise from the Captain made his heart thunder in his chest every time. Nor had he missed the fact that the rescued pilot's insolence towards Jay had nearly resulted in Max blowing the man's face off with his shotgun.

_Unusual for a vicar to be so violently protective of anyone…_

"Hey, Vic, got a good one for you," Felix offered, as they cleared the hill at the halfway point. 

"I assure you, I am jittery with anticipation." 

"Could the Grand Architect make a Boarst Pocket so big even he couldn’t eat it?" 

He could see the Captain's shoulders shaking as she laughed ahead of them. 

"Son," the vicar sighed heavily, "the existence of the Grand Architect as a personal and real deity is a fundamental misunderstanding of OSI theology. The Architect is largely metaphorical. You understand?

"Uh-huh. Keep talking, Vic. I know when I got you beat." 

"Law preserve me." 

"Hey, boss," Felix got Jay's attention as he glanced down from their path, "those wrecks over there look more interesting than the others." 

The group paused as she scoped out the scene. 

"Mhm, reckon you're right," she decided. "Got a whole intact hull down there sliced at each end, could be worth passing through. Scope is clear. It's barely a diversion." 

Max nodded, hefting his machine gun back into position as they crept down the hill. As they got closer, there were supplies littered everywhere, alongside dead automechs and outlaw corpses, and the back of Felix's neck started to prickle. 

"This doesn't feel good…" he murmured. 

They'd barely set foot in the hull, which was basically a long open-ended tunnel, when he heard Jay swear softly.

" _Fuck_. It's seen us. What the-" 

The tunnel rocked as a massive roar sounded, and Max went screaming forward, straight into the path of the biggest primal Felix had ever seen - including the fake ones in the serials. 

_Shit, shit, SHIT!_

There was no high ground here, and he had no choice but to follow Max, pummelling the creature with grenade after grenade. The vicar was tackling the two primal behemoths that had appeared on either side, dwarfed next to the gigantic monster primal, while the Captain kept to the tunnel, much to his relief, firing charged up rounds in repeated headshots… 

_Why isn't it fucking down already?!_

One of the behemoths hissed as it expired, and he saw with alarm that Max's face was covered in blood as he went screaming after the other. The mega primal suddenly sank underground, disappearing in a split second, and Felix felt like he was stuck in slow motion as an earthly vibration travelled under his feet, he couldn't move fast enough as he turned-

The beast burst up through the ground under Jay, ripping through the tunnel from underneath, and somehow, impossibly, the Captain had managed to leap back in time, but she slipped, falling, and the beast let rip a devastating ground slam that seemed to shake the whole asteroid. Felix saw Jay caught and thrown back violently through the air, and she hit the side of the exposed tunnel with a horrific crunch. 

He was still firing, grenades exploding against the creature's head, and he jumped with a yell as something touched his shoulder and held on. 

"It's down, Felix," grunted the vicar. "It's dead. Check the Captain." 

"Max, you're-" 

"Fine," he spat some blood out. "Surface damage. Check Jay." 

Felix ran forward, aware of Max following him just a little slower than he should be, and skittered around the beast that had died standing, to see her laying, still crumpled, on the ground. 

" _Fuuck_ …" 

He grinned despite himself, the quiet swearing coming from the heap of Captain at least promising, and as he crashed down beside her he saw she had four syringes stuck in her arm. 

Her face was pained as she reached for another, and he took it from her, administering it more carefully than she was capable of, and attending to the others.

"Enough?" he asked, not noticing how shaky his voice was. 

"Yeah… is wearin' off." 

"N-rays, shitting damnation," growled Max from behind him. 

_Fuck_. 

That explained why Jay was now swimming in meds and trembling all over, as radiation damage not only bypassed all armour, but had a cool down period before it stopped attacking the body. He'd never heard of a gigantic primal that could release N-rays in a slam. A direct hit so close should have killed her outright, and the pain had to be excruciating. 

"Anything broken?" murmured Felix, feeling a little unsteady as he moved his hands across her body, checking for damage. 

"Jus' ribs... no blood, " she winced, trying to pull herself up. 

"Hey, no, stay down," he instructed firmly, and she grunted a tiny laugh of defeat, sliding back down. "I shouldn't have suggested we come down here, it was stupid-" 

"Not stupid. Monster sittin' on huge cache. Jus' big fuckin' mons'er…" 

"Stay awake, boss," he tucked her hair back a little, seeing that her eyes were getting hazy as she began shivering more violently. 

"You 'kay, Max?" she managed. 

"Fine. Looks worse than it is." 

"You, Fel'?" the Captain croaked, and he could see her starting to lose consciousness.

"I'm good, boss. You gotta stay awake though. Okay, boss? … Jay?" 

The vicar seemed to come to a decision, unhooked his machine gun and dropped it to the floor next to Jay's carbine. He leaned over and scooped the Captain up in his arms as she went limp. Felix grabbed the abandoned guns, balanced with his own heavy loadout, and the two moved as fast as they could towards the Unreliable. 

~~~

"You doin' alright, Felix?" 

Parvati crouched down next to him where he was slumped in the stairwell.

"I'm fine, Par. Only one without a scratch on me." 

His voice was bitter, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, forcing his emotions down.

"It weren't your fault," the engineer said softly. "Jay's been through worse, honest." 

"That… doesn't really make me feel better," he sighed. "It was my suggestion. If I'd not made it, we'd have got back without- with nobody injured."

"Well, I know it's small comfort, but us coming back with no injuries _is_ pretty darn rare." 

He huffed a weak laugh, and she smiled at him. 

"You seen Max?" he asked. 

"Yeah, he got the all clear so he's sleeping it off. Says he always needs to snooze after letting loose."

"Well, he certainly did that. He ain't like no vicar I've ever met." 

Parvati chuckled as the Captain's doors opened, and Ellie stepped out. Felix jumped to his feet as the doors shut behind her.

"How is-" 

Ellie held her hand up to stop him. 

"She's gonna be fine," she said, a tad angrily, but Felix didn't care - he felt his chest relax as he managed to breathe properly again for the first time since that beast had appeared. "Void _dammit_ Felix, what were you and Max thinking?" 

"Ellie," Parvati had a warning tone, unusual in her voice.

"It didn't appear on the scopes-" began Felix. 

"Why didn't you RUN?!" the doctor demanded. 

"There wasn't time," he insisted, immediately doubting the truth of his statement. 

_Was there time? If Max hadn't gone ahead, maybe we coulda… but she said it had seen us… it woulda chased us from underground… but maybe…_

Felix ran his hands down his face, sighing heavily. When he looked back up, Ellie didn't seem quite as angry as before. 

"You sure you're not injured?" she asked and he nodded. 

"Can I see her?" he asked, and as he saw the automatic 'no' forming on her face, he quickly added, "Please, Ell." 

"Ugh, fine. But make it quick. She _will_ be fine, but she needs rest for the meds to do their work. By the time we get to Terra she'll look same as always again." 

"C'mon, Ellie," chirped Parvati, "I made you dinner and it's halfway edible." 

Felix stepped into the Captain's room, the door automatically closing again behind him. 

"Hey, boss," he said softly, giving her warning before he turned past the wall. 

He broke into a smile as he saw Jay sitting up in bed a little, wrapped under a huge fluffy blanket. She beamed at him. 

"Comfy?" he asked, relief flooding through him. 

"Very!" 

"Where'd that even come from?" 

"Par got it on Groundbreaker. From Gladys I'd bet. Feels like something a granny would make. Come, sit." 

She patted beside her, and Felix huffed a laugh as he sat on the edge of her bed, looking her over closely. 

"I'm okay," she said firmly, and he nodded, not quite believing her.

"I'm sorry," he rushed his words so she couldn't stop him, "and I know you said it's not my fault but it _was_ my suggestion to leave the high ground, boss."

"And my decision to do so." 

"Sure, but you and Max have way more experie-" 

"I calculated the risk and got it wrong, Felix," she shook her head gently. "As did you, and as did Max. Sometimes shit happens. All we can do is try not to make the same mistakes twice." 

He bit back his reply, knowing she wasn't going to give ground.

"Look," she said softly, and he met her eyes. "All of us are newly working together here. Max and I have only worked solo before, same for you, right?" 

He nodded. 

"And it's all new to Par. Ellie has experience pirating, but not at knowing someone has her back. This system is full of unknowns. We're all learning. Me included."

"Well, I definitely didn't know beasts as big as that fucker existed," he offered with a half-smile. 

She laughed, then winced. 

"Oof, ribs," she grimaced, and he tensed up, ready to leave.

_I'm so fucking useless-_

He felt warmth on his arm and looked down to see her hand on him, resting gently. He met her eyes, unsure.

"Stop punishing yourself, Felix," she said firmly, like it was an order, and he nodded. 

"I can try, boss." 

"Good," she smiled, letting go, and he wished she hadn't. "You did good today. Oh, I picked you up something from that dump." 

Jay fished around under her blanket as he waited, curious, smiling dopily at her praise despite his guilt. 

_Something from Scylla? Before we got attacked… which means she kept something on her through all that?!_

"Here," she said proudly, and handed him a tossball. 

He blinked in surprise. 

_Wait-_

"This is a signed ball!" he gasped. "From the Rizzo's Rangers v Rocky Mountain Soldiers final years back! It still has bloodstains!" 

Felix pointed them out to her and she grinned at his excitement.

"It was on a crate on the other landing pad. Probably from the SubLight ship we saw bits of." 

"I'm amazed you saw this-" 

Realisation hit and his eyes widened. 

"-and that you thought of me," he looked at her, smiling at him. "Thank you, this… this means a lot." 

"I'm glad," her nose crinkled with her smile, and he felt a blush rising through him.

"I- I should probably let you try 'n' sleep before we get to Roseway," he stammered, getting to his feet. "Um, is there anything I can do for you? Uh, to help, I mean." 

_Smooth, Felix._

"Just go get some rest yourself. Or try some of these drugs Ellie has because they're _great!_ " 

She waggled her eyebrows and he barked a laugh, before exiting. He felt like his heart was about to beat right out of his chest, and he looked at the ball he was still holding tight in his hand.

Parvati had mentioned that Jay had brought back books for her, and for the vicar. When nosing around the latter's room, Max had cheerfully shown him the tossball cards and prayer beads she'd lifted for him as well. The tiny flying mechanoid he'd seen the Captain disappear in MacRedd's domain now sat proudly on Par's desk. 

But he hadn't expected this. To be gifted something personal… a book would have felt enormous enough, but a signed tossball of his favourite team, from someone who hadn't even witnessed the sport…

_Because she knows I like it. That it'd mean something to me. And she held onto it, even during…_

Felix swallowed hard as he crashed down on his bed. He was no longer in big fucking trouble. He was past the point of no return. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic extras can also be found at [my tumblr](https://thalfox.tumblr.com/), and feel free to send me any asks there too :) 
> 
> Battle Symphony by Linkin Park
> 
> They say that I don't belong  
> Say that I should retreat  
> That I'm marching to the rhythm  
> Of a lonesome defeat  
> But the sound of your voice  
> Puts the pain in reverse


	6. A Rose By Any Other Name

After some much needed sleep, and some equally needed food, Felix reckoned he'd be of most use checking inventory in the hold and doing weapons maintenance. Everyone spent their downtime on the ship differently he'd noticed - Par, unsurprisingly, was occupied mostly in the engine room, Max was usually either ready to spring some preaching on the others or bent over a book, scribbling away at his notes, Ellie was best avoided if she emerged from her room, irritable and bored, while Jay was a wild card, completely unpredictable.

Other than right now, when she was under doctors orders to rest and seemed to be obeying for once.

Felix had plenty of magazines to read, and was happy enough keeping to himself, but he couldn't shake off the feeling of needing to be useful. As much as he'd hated his boring dock work, he'd been pretty damn good at it, and it only made sense to make use of his skills on the Unreliable. Nobody else was used to managing inventory or keeping tabs on what they needed to buy and sell, and unlike working for the man, here it was pretty enjoyable to lose himself in those tasks.

He waited til he was pretty sure there was no sign of Max or Ellie, and headed down the corridor to the stairs. The Captain's door was open as he passed, and the sound of Ellie's voice had him doing an about turn back up the stairs to safety until the mention of his name made him pause.

"... I know, but it was my decision, Ell. You know as well as I do that primals can't be outrun."

Jay sounded firm, but not angry, and he realised the doc was still irked at him and Max for bringing back the Captain so injured.

"You've got a soft spot for him, Cap."

_For Max? ... or me?_

"Not relevant. He didn't do anything wrong - it was just bad luck. Shit happens. And if I'd been by myself, I'd have been screwed."

 _'Not relevant' is the opposite of denying it…_

"If you'd been by yourself, you would have come straight back!" 

"Probably not, honestly. I'd have wanted to check out more of the asteroid than we did. Why do you think I'm covered in so many scars?" 

Ellie laughed. 

"Okay, fair point. Fine, I'll ease up."

"Thanks. And hey, glad to know you care." 

"Less problems for my Captain means less problems for me, that's all." 

"Mhm." 

Felix couldn't help but grin as he walked back along the corridor. He hadn't caught the whole conversation but it was obvious Jay had asked Ellie to go easier on him and Max after her anger yesterday. The Captain had told him to stop punishing himself, and it seemed like she was also making sure the doc would drop the subject too.

_And she has a soft spot for Max... or me… Which doesn't necessarily mean what I want it to mean. She's got a soft spot for all of us._

He exhaled heavily. His heart was racing, and there was no point in trying to pretend to himself any longer. He knew exactly how he felt about her and denying it didn't help. 

~~~

"How you doing, Vic?" 

Felix strolled into Max's room, wanting to make sure the vicar was indeed fine after last seeing him covered in blood.

"I'm fine, Mr Millstone. Though I do need to see if Ada can see about locking my door when asked."

"Uh, why would you want that? Sounds dangerous." 

"In what way?" Max blinked in confusion. 

"You don't think that's a problem?" asked Felix, surprised. "Whole ship's running on a computer's fancy. That don't make you nervous, preacher?" 

"No, Felix. The concept of a ship computer does not make me nervous. Are you scared of Ada?" 

"I ain't scared of Ada." 

_Mostly._

"Good. I'm glad we cleared that up."

"It's just - she's a computer, Max. What happens when her equations tell her to cut off our oxygen? Or blast us all into space?" 

"Felix, Ada is not sentient. She can't act out of a sense of malice. Where do you get these ideas?" 

"I was watching _True Stories of Mechanical Murderers_ last night."

"One of these days, I'm going to make you read an actual book."

~~~

"Felix, come see!" 

A very excited Parvati grabbed his hand, and near dragged him from his late breakfast, down the stairs, and into the hold. The engineer had transformed one corner into a viewing area, with one long large comfy seat, where the Captain was happily perched with her blanket, across from… 

"Whoah! Is that an aetherset?! It's huge!" 

"I know!" Par giggled. "I been working on it in secret. Now we can watch the serials, and you can watch tossball properly too!" 

"She's a genius, right?" grinned Jay. "What do we watch first?" 

"Ooh, _Terror on Monarch_?" he suggested, sitting down in the middle of the seat next to her. "Or maybe _The Masked Marketeer_!" 

" _Princess of Hephaestus_ is the best one," chimed in the engineer. "And _Virginia Yang: Girl Detective_!" 

"What one do you reckon is best for someone who's seen none though?" he mused, and Par thought hard.

"I reckon _The Masked Marketeer_ ," she suggested. "On account of sometimes characters from that show up in most of the others as cameos and such." 

"Good point!" 

"I've gotta say," smiled the Captain, "I'm really enjoying not being the decision maker for once!" 

She looked better today than she had yesterday, more colour in her cheeks, and Felix was relieved and amused that she'd already broken her prescribed bedrest. 

Par loaded up the tapes, which had been 'liberated' no doubt, and came and sat on his other side. Jay spread the blanket over them all while the engineer passed over bottles of purpleberry punch and a bowl of Tileritos which he balanced on his lap given he was the halfway point.

"This," he announced, impressed by how comfortable the seat was, "is the absolute best. Feels like all my birthdays came at once!" 

Jay giggled beside him, and he settled back with a happy sigh, occasionally explaining things softly to her that required local knowledge. She watched it all, eyes huge, and he had a peculiar warm feeling inside, enjoying her enjoyment more than he was the show. 

_Though of course, I've seen this a million times. But seeing her watch it, she's too damn cute._

He'd given up on trying to hammer his feelings back down, as they only came back all the stronger. And besides, acknowledging them didn't mean anything, and he figured it might stop him blushing so much. 

_Right? Right._

Par was called away after a couple of episodes, and Jay encouraged him to keep watching with her. Not something that would ever take much persuasion, but with the engineer's absence he was all the more aware of how close he was next to his Captain. 

"Remind me later," she said, as an episode ended and she changed the tape, "Hawthorne had been sent some serial that isn't Board-approved, _The Space Adventures of Singularity Steel_?"

"I've heard of that," Felix nodded with enthusiasm. "There are a few bootleg serials around. Less corporate focused which makes up for the quality being a bit questionable." 

He was watching her closely, as she had stubbornly insisted that she didn't want treated as an invalid. Changing tapes wasn't too straining at least, but he'd still felt himself tense up with worry. 

"Well, you'll never guess who made it," Jay looked mischievous, and he tilted his head, waiting. "Udom Bedford."

 _WHAT_

"NO WAY!" he gaped at her. "That can't be- That uptight git?! He's a total bootlicker! Seriously, boss?" 

"Yup! On account of the dashing Steel being heavily based on Hawthorne, who Bedford called his only friend."

"Holy crap," he shook his head, utterly boggled. 

"I like that this is more shocking to you than me being from the Hope!" she laughed, and he grinned at her. 

"On the subject of Bedford, I appreciate you telling him off, before, back on the Groundbreaker. I'm not sure he knew quite what hit him."

"He's an odd one," she mused. "He's a bully, but his heart is seldom in it. And like a lot of people here-" 

She cut herself off suddenly, and he raised an eyebrow in question.

"-I'm not sure how to phrase it politely," she explained, apologetically. 

"Don't need to worry about politeness with me, boss. I know the score, remember." 

Jay smiled, grateful, and he did his best to stay cool.

"A lot of people here are very conditioned. To obey. So if I use a particular tone of voice, they almost can't help but bow to my authority. It's something that had some effect back home, in the right situations. But here…" 

"Everyone's been conditioned that way," he nodded.

"Well, mostly. There are exceptions," she winked at him. 

"I'm just glad you see it as a positive, boss," he blushed a little. "The only person back on the Groundbreaker with anything good to say about me was a mushroom-addled outlaw king. I was starting to worry with Edna that you maybe regretted taking me on."

"Not at all," the Captain smiled reassuringly. "I was just a bit surprised people kept referring to you as 'kid' and 'boy'. I kinda figure you aren't, but do you mind if I ask how old you are?"

_Ahh, that's what it was._

"Twenty-four, boss," he grinned. "Or I should say, at least that old. I don't know my birthday or year exactly. But yeah, everyone there calls me 'kid' and 'boy', partly because they knew me when I was younger, partly because they use it to shut me up." 

"Good stuff," she wiggled back down beside him under the blanket, as the next episode began. "Not the shutting up part. I did think you weren't much younger than me, but I'd also rather not be accused of corrupting the young."

"Corrupt away," he quipped, and she laughed.

Felix tried to get his racing heart under control as they watched _The Masked Marketeer_ adventure across the system. Jay had a valid reason to check his age, and watching serials together and even chatting about system politics was surely just good captaining. But she did appear to be pretty comfortable with him, and that really wasn't helping his rebellious feelings. 

_Did I always swallow this loud? I don't normally think about my breathing so much. And fuck, think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts- wait…_

He smiled softly as he realised she was leaning against his shoulder, and he blushed fiercely. Not long after, she made a contented noise against him, and it dawned on him that she'd fallen asleep, hardly surprising given how much she struggled with tiredness, and that she still needed to recuperate.

_Well, now I am trapped forever. No way am I waking her up, and not only 'cause she's leaning on me._

Felix realised with a burst of happiness that she really did trust him completely, to have relaxed so much that she was able to sleep next to him. And given sleep was something she struggled to manage, he was delighted he'd maybe inadvertently managed to help.

He carefully relaxed his body without stirring her, and turned the volume down on the aetherset. Eventually someone would come stomping in and wake her, but until then he was only too happy to let her rest. 

~~~

"So here's the thing about tossball. Tossball is played from the heart."

"Okay," Parvati nodded. "I'm with you so far. Play from the heart. Easy!" 

"There _are_ other schools of thought," Felix continued. "Some say you gotta use your head to play tossball. Those people have concussions."

He heard Jay snort behind him at her workbench, and grinned. Other than her blush, she hadn't been embarrassed to wake up next to him, and he'd waved away her apologies. 

_If it meant she got sleep, I'd be happy to watch serials with her every night. Not that I can say it quite like that…_

"Oh gosh," the engineer frowned. "That sounds, um, really dangerous."

"Tossball is a _celebration_ of danger!" he enthused. "Take the hacker. The hacker's job is to trample right through the enemy's defense. Best hacker in the league's a fella by the name of Take-It-Easy Tatum. Fifty-nine injuries to his name in three non-consecutive seasons."

"Why do they call him Take-It-Easy Tatum?" asked Jay, sounding curious. 

"Oh, that's what the mediators used to shout every time he'd go into a bloodthirsty frenzy."

"Oh my," gasped Parvati, and she hesitated. "Is it bad I kinda want to see a game now?" 

Felix grinned as the Captain laughed. 

"Oh here you all are," Ellie grumped as she came into the hold. "Why is this the place to be? I can only wind Max up for so long y'know." 

"Sorry, Ell," he smirked. "I promised I'd teach Parvati about tossball." 

"And I was keeping Jay company as she tinkered with her guns," the engineer beamed. 

"Hmph, well," the doctor perched on a crate. "I was wanting a word, Cap."

"Fire away," Jay smiled as she turned, giving Ellie her full attention. 

"This Roseway business smells. Something tells me things didn't end well for the guy who made the distress call. And whoever - or whatever - got him will be waiting for us."

"Yeah," she nodded. "We don't know anything about who sent the call."

"What's there to know? Shady corporate Town caught up in shady corporate shit. Tough luck for them, but maybe an opportunity for us."

"It's probably a trap."

"I'm counting on it," Ellie nodded, seeming reassured they were on the same page. "Anyway, we might as well take a look out there. See if we can get the jump on whoever's waiting for us."

"You volunteering, doc?" the Captain grinned. 

Ellie shrugged, unaware of how obvious she was being. 

_< "We are now in orbit above Roseway, Captain.">_

"Thanks, Ada," Jay zipped her armor up, and started outfitting her guns. "Ellie and Felix, suit up!" 

~~~

"Captain, I think it would be beneficial if I joined you today," drawled Max, raising his eyebrow at her chosen roster. 

_Ugh, c'mon, I don't wanna get benched._

The Captain tilted her head, questioningly. 

"Your hacking skills are high, Captain, but mine are higher."

"Fair point," Jay nodded. 

_Dammit._

"Ellie, you come with to the main settlement. You two-" 

She indicated him and Max. 

"-are on break and enter duty with me." 

Felix grinned. 

"Par-" 

"No, I'm good here, Jay!" the engineer winced, nervous at the idea of espionage on account of her inability to lie. 

"-guard the ship." 

"Oh!" Parvati blushed with a smile. "Can do, Captain!" 

~~~

"No guards, huh? I like this place already."

Felix looked around as the Captain scoped ahead.

"Got a _lot_ of bodies up ahead," she said quietly. "Dead ones."

"Told ya," Ellie kept her pistol ready. "Ugh. All this fresh air is making my nose itch." 

The first body was only a few steps down the walkway. 

_Something chewed clear through that armour._

"Max?" Jay raised an eyebrow, and the vicar took a closer look. 

"Rapts," he announced. 

"Okay," she nodded. "Well, at least raptidons definitely have a size limit… I hope." 

The group got closer to the distress signal location, spying the walled settlement of Roseway ahead. Outside the walls, buildings lay with doors wide open, and a few rapts were asleep amongst the corpses of scientists. The Captain and doctor took out most of the beasts at far range as Felix cleared the rest, while Max hacked some terminals for data.

What Auntie Cleo had been working on here remained a mystery, but the place certainly wasn't long abandoned, with recent activity obvious. 

_And whatever the research is, I'd bet it concerned rapts._

"Holy shit," muttered Ellie. 

Felix caught up to her and Max at the same time as the Captain, and stumbled to a stop. In front of the massive doors of Roseway, there was a sea of mangled corpses, dead rapts, and literal pools of blood.

_Fucking hell._

"There's guns and ammo everywhere," murmured Jay, aghast. "Why weren't they armed?" 

"Some were," Max was looking at a guard, propped up by the door. 

"None of the scientists though. No turrets on the wall. What the fuck were they doing out here being unarmed. Why are people so _fucking_ stupid?" 

The Captain snarled, and Felix realised she was pretty shaken. Not that he blamed her, his own stomach was churning, and the whole group was looking ill. Death wasn't a stranger to any of them, but this had been an utter bloodbath. 

As they passed through the doors, he was relieved to see whatever had happened here was over. There were a few bodies on this side of the wall too, but far more rapt corpses, and armed security alive and well.

"Ellie, go offer your services and gather dirt," murmured the Captain, striding forward to meet the most likely superior officer with the air of someone who was undoubtedly supposed to be here. 

The doctor nodded with a smirk, and disappeared. 

~~~

"Looks like Crane is in that building," Max indicated the middle of the settlement. 

"And the living quarters are over there," mused the Captain. "You go find some terminals. The scientists are jittery, they won't have shit here, but you never know." 

The security guys had known next to nothing, and the vicar peeled away leaving just Felix and the Captain as she approached Dr Crane, the man from the distress signal clearly alive and well. 

"Please! Don't kill me!" he wailed, a tad melodramatically, as Jay raised an eyebrow. 

"We got a distress call," she said cooly. 

"Ah. I must apologise if my call diverted you. I, uh, may have panicked. Everything's under control now, though, truth be told." 

"Under control? That what you call hiding in an abandoned town surrounded by raptidons?"

Felix realised the Captain was still angry. 

"Standard operating procedure for suits, boss," he drawled. "They're all a bunch of cowards." 

"Not to mention obviously being up to no good. _What_ are you doing here?" 

"I'm not at liberty to discuss the nature of the work I'm doing here," huffed Crane. "Suffice it to say that its importance to me, uh, to the colony, is immeasurable."

_What a blowhard._

"To you or the colony? Which is it?" 

"Those need not be mutually exclusive. My work could benefit everyone, and not just within our colony."

"Just tell me what happened." 

"Hours ago, a group of vicious malcontents fell upon us. Shot up our labs and loosed our research subjects, the raptidons. If those cretins get their hands on my research… well. They'll need not kill me."

_That's just great. So the raptidons were their own fault anyway._

"Stop," Jay unleashed a commanding tone, and Felix fought to hide his grin as the scientist snapped rigidly to attention. "Without knowing what you're researching, I can't help you. So talk."

"You have a point there," Crane nodded easily. "It most decidedly cannot make this situation any worse. All right. We were tasked with formulating a new and improved dental gel."

There was a brief silence as the idiocy sunk in. 

"This is about… _toothpaste?_ " the Captain snarled. 

"One cannot exaggerate the benefits of good dental hygiene," huffed the scientist, as Jay stared at him like he'd grown a second head. "While doing research on enzymes specific to the rapidon's digestive system, we developed an additive which we subsequently discovered to be the most effective appetite suppressant. Ever."

"Diet. Toothpaste." 

"Not just any diet toothpaste - the ultimate diet toothpaste."

The sheer ridiculousness of it all had zapped the Captain's anger, and she proceeded to extract the location information she needed. Felix wasn't sure if diet toothpaste counted as the kind of corporate secret Gladys was looking for, but there'd undoubtedly be more to find in the same building. 

As they turned to leave, Crane suddenly exclaimed loudly. 

"By the Grand Architect! Jameson… he's in the old lab…" 

"Who's Jameson?" the Captain sighed. 

"My protégé - I sent him to retrieve some metabolic precursors. And I forgot him."

_Bloody hell._

"Sounds about right," said Jay, flatly. 

"Don't you think it weighs on me?" the scientist went back into melodrama that dripped with insincerity. "He was my responsibility! All of them were - ARE, regardless of their thinking on the matter. If he has died… too many have been lost. Too many black marks against my name. And far too much paperwork."

"And all you care about is how it affects you," growled Felix. 

"I'll thank you not to mistake my ambition for callousness," Crane snapped. 

"What should we mistake it for," the Captain rolled her eyes, "compassion?" 

"If my colleagues refuse to take their lives seriously, why should I? All they do is complain. They refuse to see the opportunity afforded us here."

"Just wanted to hear you admit that you're a heartless bastard. Thanks."

Felix snorted a laugh at her insulting the man so openly. 

"Believe what you will," scowled Crane, but I'm not the manipulative, ego driven person you think me to be. I'm not." 

"Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that," she sighed, turning to walk out the building. 

"And my colleague, Jameson? Will you find him for me?" 

Jay paused in the doorway, looking back with a hard glare. 

"Of course I fucking will."

~~~

"This Crane guy cares more about his research than his own people," growled Felix. 

"That's scientists for you," murmured the Captain, and Felix glanced at her sharply.

_Like Welles?_

She covered the sadness on her face quickly, as they walked up the hill. Suddenly Jay let out an excited squeal, crouching down in front of a-

_Um, it's just a chicken?_

He laughed in surprise as the Captain proceeded to sit down, scooping the amicable bird into her lap, and petting it with enthusiasm.

_This is too cute though._

"Chicken fan?" he asked, a little confused as he crouched next to her. 

"I didn't know these were here!" she beamed, as the chicken began making a purring noise beneath her fingers. "This is the first bird I've seen in this whole system! A friend from home." 

_Ohh, that makes sense. Closest other things we got are the cystypigs which ain't really the same, and wooly cows which she probably hasn't seen yet._

He smiled as he watched her, not wanting to end her moment of peace. It was easy to forget that his Captain, the one he had placed on a pedestal like a hero from the serials, was just a person like him. Only a few years older, torn from everything she'd ever known and plonked down in a new system, with unfamiliar planets, completely cut off from her own past.

_And she tries real hard not to let any of it show. But she ain't carefree, how could she be?_

Ellie wandered over.

"I got- uh, what is she doing?" the doctor asked him, looking bemused.

"Earth buddies," he grinned.

"We're gonna end up with a ship full of chickens, huh," she sighed. "Ada will be delighted."

Jay beamed at them, reluctantly putting the bird to one side.

"What have you got, Ell?" she asked, getting back to her feet. 

"Not much, Cap," she shrugged. "Two other scientists needing secrets fetched - one in the lounge in the living quarters named Cortes, one over in that back building. Max is getting the details on the latter. We got a front lab, a covert lab, and a storage facility out there. This is all the work of one gang, but seems like they've not made their exit yet. Probably doing same as us, just louder. Place ain't that secret at all, the store gets regular drops from SubLight.

"Gang is heavily armed but unleashing the rapts seems to have gone badly for everyone. Rich pickings on the corpse field." 

Felix grimaced slightly, but Jay beamed at her. 

"Nice work. You wanna keep an eye on the snakes here while we go on?" 

"Sure," the doctor was pleased, though trying to hide it. "I'll come with for the lounge scientist though, I've got a feeling I know what he's been cooking up." 

~~~

"This is the living quarters?" muttered Felix. "Seems about as livable as a coffin."

They passed a couple of guards discussing a recent tossball game, and he fully appreciated Ellie's words about this place being barely a secret. 

_Satellite signals ain't exactly hard to trace._

As they entered the so-called lounge, a scientist strutted over impetuously. 

"Cortes?" asked the Captain. 

"Vaughan Cortes," he introduced himself. "Doctor Vaughan Cortes, technically but no mind. I've explained most of this to your colleague here."

"That's fine," she nodded. "What is it you do here?" 

"Ask Dr Crane," he shrugged. "All I know is my bit, analysing the raptidon equivalent of hormones. Mostly their leptin analogues. Raptidons have four different varieties. Concentrations vary based on the season. 

"Leptin regulates hunger," mused Jay. "That explains the appetite suppressing toothpaste then." 

"Maybe it's for them fat cats up in Byzantium," Felix suggested, enjoying how surprised the scientist was by a passing Captain understanding the science speak. 

"Well, anyway," he continued, "I've been extracting organic compounds from raptidons on the side, shall we say. Compounds that have, uh, benefits."

"Whoah, slow down," Felix interrupted. "Benefits?" 

_Drugs, huh?_

"In certain social situations," he lowered his voice. " _Personal_ situations. Where you might want to, uh, enhance your charisma."

_Ahaha-_

"He's making 'N-Raptured', Captain," Ellie pulled a face. "An aphrodisiac. Rapt musk is the main ingredient." 

"What? No!" Cortes blistered, before sagging. "I mean, yes, I'm getting the musk. With Monarch embargoed, the price is sky-high. But I'm not _making_ the drug." 

"Does it work?" smirked Jay, and Ellie barked a laugh. 

"The results are outside the margin of error," the scientist replied. "Technically."

"Yeah, I really don't want to know any more. You gave Dr Fenhill here the rest of the info, right?" 

The scientist's eyes widened. 

"I did. I, uh, didn't realise you were a doctor as well. My apologies." 

Ellie looked like she couldn't care less. 

"So, those 'charisma enhancing benefits' he was talking about," Felix drawled as they exited the building. "He was just blowing smoke. Right?" 

"Felix, you _can't_ be serious," Ellie's horror dissolved into laughter when she saw his shit-eating grin, and she disappeared towards the communications building. 

"At least I now know to avoid men who smell of rapts," quipped the Captain. 

"Damn, I'll cancel my order," he grinned, and she laughed warmly. 

"I think you're good without it," she winked. "I'm gonna go fetch Max. Keep your ears open." 

~~~

Felix wandered down the hill a little, picking up some of the ammo that apparently just got left lying out everywhere here, and trying to get his brain to shut the hell up. 

_Crew banter is normal, it doesn't mean anything. I'm acting like a fucking teenager…_

His attention was caught by two folk arguing near the store, and he slunk out of sight. 

"The ventilation shaft runs from the bottom of the lab to the top of the hill," hissed one, a scientist type. "Over the garage."

"Top of the hill's raptidon territory," the other man barked, clearly security detail of some variety. "Sit down."

"I don't need to do it myself. I can stay here if you want."

"So you'd send someone else on your damnfool mission? I told you, you're staying put."

"You're not listening. We can stop this."

"Only thing stopping them beasts is high-caliber kinetics."

"If we close the vent shaft, we can contain them."

Felix smirked from the shadows. Looks like they had a better way into the covert labs than hacking through the front door. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the positive feedback! It's really encouraging ^^


	7. It's A Kind Of Magic

Exiting Roseway on the south side, the crew stepped into a scene identical to the other entry. Bodies, dead raptidons, and blood. 

"This is one hell of a death toll," Max grimaced, as he picked through the corpses for weapons and ammo.

"It's a fucking horror show," the Captain growled. "It's just damn rapts! If they'd had some machine guns fitted…" 

_Typical Board. Why pay for protection when you can just replace workers?_

Felix scoped ahead, the amount of blood making him a tad queasy. 

"There's a big deforesting machine down the hill. I can see the top sticking up. Got what looks like a crash to the east, and that first lab just up on the right. One road. Storage facility must be completely off-track." 

Jay nodded as she came up to stand beside him looking out. He held his breath slightly at how close she was, trying to focus on the task at hand.

_If she was in my arms, she'd tuck in just under my chin- dammit, Felix._

"That deforesting machine must be huge," she murmured. 

"Am I wrong for seeing a colossal machine of destruction and thinking, 'Felix, you should hijack that'?" 

She barked a laugh, and he grinned, delighted to lift her mood a little. 

"Close lab first," she decided. "That's where the assistant is. Then we'll find the storage, and circle round to the second lab from behind. Should be the SAM part we need in the storage facility too, so I wanna be sure we hit it." 

Max had revealed there were some kind of weapon plans in the facility, that would definitely count as a secret for Gladys. Between that, the rapt musk payout, and the fucking toothpaste, they should have enough to exchange for a navkey. 

"Are there many outlaws?" asked Max, coming up behind them. 

"Not in sight," Felix shook his head. "But plenty of evidence they're nearby. We're gonna have to stealth." 

The vicar groaned. Subtle was not his strong suit in any form. 

~~~

As it turned out, the first lab was a walkover. Barely any outlaws round back, and with a couple of carefully placed shots, the Captain panicked them into setting off their own mines. Inside were just a handful of small rapts that had somehow torn everyone to pieces.

"Miserable way to live," Felix muttered in disgust at the cramped conditions and lack of care. 

A voice called out from a locked door as they approached. 

"Did you hear someone?" Max looked like he hoped they'd say no. 

"Could've been a rapt mimicking a human's voice," quipped Felix. "I saw that on a serial once."

They freed a distinctly ungrateful Jameson, who yelled about how they shouldn't be in the building, and when the assistant scientist protested that Crane would just as soon see him dead, the Captain offered to test the theory. 

Max had laughed uproariously as the scientist skittered off in fright, and Felix got a serious case of the giggles. The Captain and vicar stripped the terminals of information, and he saw Jay strapping some books inside her jacket. 

"Medical journals," she smiled when she saw him looking. "Ellie's mentioned these ones before." 

_She is too sweet._

He beamed at her, seeing her blush slightly as she moved on, and he swallowed hard.

~~~

Their progress off the beaten track was fairly swift considering the damn mines everywhere, and the amount of loot was bordering on ridiculous. The outlaws were seriously out of their depth, spread far too wide, and the Captain picked them off with silent ease. 

In contrast, the storage facility was humming with activity, as the gang inside hadn't managed to shut down all the mechanicals. This was his and Max's time to shine, as Jay took to the rafters, opening locked doors with ease, and hacking the mechanicals to stand down. 

As they finished clearing the upper levels of marauders, she cleared the much smaller basement, grabbing both the part for the SAM and the gun specs. The heat of the building was oppressive, and Felix could tell from Max's dripping face that he wasn't the only one who was gonna need a very long shower after this to ever feel remotely clean again.

The Captain seemed unaffected, but she gave them time to rest outside, where there was at least a small breeze.

"Where next?" the vicar croaked, rummaging for his drink. 

"We're gonna veer east, and climb the big hill. Doesn't look like there's any lookouts on it, so it's likely they're all sitting ducks in the valley. We can take 'em out from afar, then circle round from behind."

Felix nodded. Climbing the steep hill with their heavy loadouts would suck, but at least it was all downhill from there. Until they hit the final lab.

Jay danced up the hill ahead of them, intent on getting to work while they took a slower pace. Felix was also pretty sure she wanted to hit her targets before Max caught up, the man not entirely adept at staying in stealth mode.

"I don't know how she does that," the vicar grunted, as the Captain seemed to disappear in thin air. "Can you do that?" 

"Nah," Felix shook his head with a huff of laughter. "I do normal stealth. _That_ is something else entirely." 

It was something he still couldn't quite figure out. Because he was good. But sometimes Jay seemed to move faster than his eyes could track, her light fingers most of all. He'd kept watching her closely, less and less sure that the time he'd seen her flicker had been a figment of his imagination.

As they reached the crest of the hill, he grinned as he saw her laying on her back in the grass, gazing up into the sky. 

"Comfy?" he asked cheekily, and she beamed happily. 

"Very!" 

"How many?" asked Max, stopping to rest a little. 

"Eighteen and a scrap mechanical."

"Fuck me!" exclaimed the vicar, and Felix barked a laugh. 

"There'll still be a few," she got to her feet. "But I'd say that was maybe ninety percent. Til we get inside. There's a building further to the south, just-" 

She pointed. 

"-We'll peek that first, then hunt the hatch Felix said." 

He felt a flicker of pride roll through him, and she smiled as he caught her eye. 

~~~

The back building marked an enclosure, filled with raptidons. There had in fact been a bigger beast than expected, but compared to the huge primal, the large raptidon was nothing - especially once it stampeded straight into the electric fence Max hacked power back into at exactly the right time.

The Captain had flicked something shiny into the air - a fancy smokebox by the looks of it - before pausing and staring at it, and he went over, curious. 

"Is that the Hope?" she asked him, as he saw the familiar design.

"They marked the fiftieth anniversary of the Hope going missing," Felix explained, unsure how this was going to make her feel. "The Board put out a few mementos, and occasionally something with that picture on still shows up. I've only seen it in passing." 

"Before your time?" asked Max, as Jay looked lost in thought. 

"Uh, I am older than ten, old man. But official things didn't exactly get sent to the Back Bays. Gladys used to have a set of plates with the design on though, and I used do errands for her when I was a kid and get to sit and have cookies." 

He saw the faraway look pass from the Captain's face as she turned to him. 

"You are too cute," she smiled, pocketing the smokebox and signalling to keep moving.

He was glad the vicar had already walked past, and didn't see him fighting to keep the blush from his face - not only from Jay's words, but at managing to keep her sadness at bay. 

~~~

Towering in front of them were the official front doors of the not very secret covert lab. 

"Nice of them to put up a sign," Max drawled, rolling his eyes. 

"Look at this place," muttered Felix, glaring at the concrete monstrosity. "Like some kind of tomb." 

"Could be security beyond the main doors. I'll watch your back if you're planning to waltz right in." 

Felix went to object and saw the vicar already smirking at him. 

"I know, I know. Just offering."

They headed over the embankment to what looked like a side door, and as he and Max started to raise their weapons, the Captain gave the order to stand down. 

A sole outlaw was sat in front of the door, making no move to shoot. Felix felt his hackles raise as Jay walked over to speak to her. He stayed back with Max, who had his shotgun ready, but the Captain stayed relaxed as she had a discussion. He saw her flourish the smokebox, and the woman laughed before leaving. 

Jay came back over with a grin. 

"Smokebox reunited!" 

"Wait, that was hers?" asked Felix at the same time as Max asked. 

"Why didn't she shoot?" 

"Same reason she left - her boss is an idiot. She was only sticking around in the hope she'd find her lost smokes-"

"She'd never have known if we kept it," grumped Max quietly, and Felix grinned. 

"-She put in a good word with her boss via radio and is fully committed to legging it. Sounds like less than twenty of them still alive in there, and maybe the same in rapts. A security detail are trapped in as well."

"The Crane scientist wanted the rapts left alive?" asked the vicar. 

"Yup." 

"And we're…?" 

"Not doing that."

"Excellent!"

Felix was pretty sure that despite his preaching, Max was less focused on spiritual order against chaos than he was on his love of enthusiastic violence. 

"Let's head up the hill and find the vent shaft," the Captain commanded. 

Felix scouted ahead, full of renewed eagerness for a plan of his that might actually work. 

"Hey, boss!" he called. "Found it." 

"I always wanted to sneak into a secret lab by crawling through the vents like they do in the serials," beamed Max, surprising him, as he opened the hatch. 

_Oh, eww._

"Smells like something died in here," Felix grimaced, as the Captain moved past him with a laugh, and dropped down. 

The shaft opened onto a disused corridor, the door barred from their own side. 

"Okay, boys," Jay said softly, and Felix tried to ignore the way his heart wobbled in his chest. "Gang leader is locked in some kind of cell. Not sure where but she's loudly belligerent. _Ignore_ her. Unknown number of security, but they're pinned down together too. Anyone else, unless they are _obviously_ surrendering, shoot on sight. That goes for rapts and mechs too."

Felix nodded. 

"Excellent," grinned the vicar. 

~~~

It was carnage. It had already been carnage. There were dead bodies everywhere, mostly outlaws and security, as well as scientists and rapts. The smell was overpowering, and the main obstacle thus far had been trying to stay upright in the slippery corridors of blood. 

_Yeah, I am definitely gonna get nightmares from this…_

They'd ignored the petulant gang leader as instructed, following the Captain's path through the few remaining outlaws as she navigated the facility, grabbing needed information as they went. She was fighting alongside them at close quarters, and Felix could fully appreciate the benefits of a fast firing plasma carbine. When she had the time, a powered shot incinerated her target. Otherwise, it pelted them back, giving him and Max more room to work.

They found the security offices, empty of security, and he helped her pick all the doors and crates open while Max copied data from the terminals as he hacked.

_Dang, this is a killer team._

Doubling back, they found a large lab, with dissection tables in the middle. 

"The beating heart of progress can at times be grotesque to witness," said Max, grandly.

"Uh huh," Felix grinned. "Not sure N-Raptured is quite the beating heart you mean." 

The vicar gaped at him, mortified. 

"Ah." 

The Captain grabbed the requested product, and led them into another corridor, to a door that sounded like… 

Jay nodded, and the men fell in step behind her as she put her most professional smile forward.

"Anton Crane sent us," she began, as they stepped into the room, and the security officers immediately pointed their weapons back to the floor. 

Felix stretched his tired muscles lazily as the Captain charmed the head of security, and hid his smile as the man easily gave her permission to enter the security offices they'd already burglarised.

"You don't care at all?" her voice had raised slightly, and he tuned back in. "What if it's something illegal?"

"If it was illegal," the giant man shrugged, "the company wouldn't ask us to do it." 

"Easy to avoid breaking the law when you decide what's legal," Felix muttered. 

Max threw him a sharp look, but he didn't look inclined to disagree. Still, Felix kept his mouth shut until they left the room.

"Just one wing left," Jay instructed, "which hopefully has the research we're after. Then I'll deal with our angry gang leader."

The vicar's footsteps echoed slightly as they went down yet another deserted corridor, and Felix saw him move ahead to scout the corner. 

"Ugh," Felix muttered quietly, as they crept around yet more dead bodies and a small heap of presumable intestines. "Getting acquainted with all sorts of colourful new smells today." 

There was a sudden bang from ahead as Max went flying backwards, and Felix didn't think, he just started forward only to be confronted with a huge scrap mechanical rounding the corner, its shock projectile fully charged and aimed directly at his face. 

"DOWN!" 

Felix hit the deck on his Captain's command, as a huge crackle flew above him. 

"STAY DOWN!" 

That was an order he couldn't obey, as he saw Jay leaping over him, straight into the path of the already recharged mech. As it ripped out another shot directly at her, Felix's warning shout died in his throat as the Captain disappeared in mid-air, and as he threw himself back down and out of the way of the errant projectile, he saw her reappear behind the mech, jamming her knife between its shoulder blades, the location of the main CPU. 

The metal beast screamed as it collapsed, the lights flickering out, and as three outlaws surged from behind, Jay did the same thing again, flickering out and reappearing behind them, slashing two throats with her knife, faster than he could see, and killing the other with her raised rifle before they got off any shots at all. 

He heard a quiet groan to the side of him, and saw Max struggling to sit up, pinned under some debris. Getting to his feet, he hefted the vicar up as Max patted himself down. 

"Intact," he grunted, shouldering his weapons again as if he'd just had a small rest stop. 

"We good?" the Captain called, and Felix nodded dumbly, falling in step with the vicar as he tried to work out what the hell he'd just seen. 

~~~

"Fuck!" the Captain growled unhappily, as Crane's safe lay already busted open and empty. "Well at least our burglar is already caged." 

"Research for release?" suggested Felix, and she nodded. 

"Security will not be pleased…" the vicar didn't really look particularly bothered.

"Eh," Jay shrugged and Felix smirked. "Let's go finish the rapts off first, then have a chat with her." 

The vicar grinned. 

Other than seeming tired, Felix couldn't spot anything else out of place with the Captain. 

_And hell, me and Max are more tired than she is._

She deftly opened locks, took in every detail, and bantered occasionally, same as ever. If Felix hadn't seen it with his own eyes… 

_I don't even know WHAT I saw._

"We gonna bust it down or jimmy the lock?" he asked as they reached the main laboratory room, only to have his question answered as she clicked the unlocked door open.

_This secret lab is shit at keeping secrets._

"Look at that," he murmured as they entered, appalled. "Those idiots got themselves a mama raptidon."

"Wipe them out," ordered Jay. 

They did. 

~~~

Felix snickered softly as Jay had zero patience left for the gang leader. The latter somehow seemed to think she had bargaining power, a notion she was quickly relieved of. Still, the woman got her freedom, as the Captain at least guaranteed that much for a research handover with minimal bloodstains.

As they left the building, three secrets in hand, Jay barked at the angry security detail to stand down, reminding them they were lucky to be leaving with no further losses. The security leader tried to push his case-

_Typical corporate fucking stooge._

-but quickly gave in, and the tired trio made their way back to the Unreliable, radioing Ellie to meet them at the north entrance to Roseway. 

"Good work guys," Jay smiled as they neared their destination. "Today was fucking rough." 

"Those three things gonna be enough?" asked Felix. 

The Captain shrugged.

"Honestly, the toothpaste is probably enough. She can have the rapt stink too. Not sure on the gun spec, might be worth Ellie taking that to the guy - he's working against Auntie interests after all." 

"The toothpaste is enough?" he raised an eyebrow. 

"The diet properties are to save on food rations," she pulled a face. "Which is valuable info. Get more work out of folk in return for shortened life spans which is also less folk to feed." 

"That is abominable," sighed the vicar.

"Just to save money," Felix wasn't really asking it as a question - of course it was. 

"Something deeper, too," Jay looked thoughtful. "I think we're further into system collapse than Phin realises." 

_Well, fuck._

~~~

Ellie returned to the ship, with a new and fearsome looking pistol. She handed it to the Captain, still gazing at it longingly. 

"This what the specs were for?" asked Parvati. "How'd he make it so fast?"

"He was just missing one piece of the puzzle," the Captain explained, as she looked over the gun closely, casually dismantling and reassembling it. "That's got a powerful punch, alright."

Jay handed it to Ellie before heading to her room. 

"Have fun, doc." 

"Yessss!" Ellie beamed then quickly put a frown back on her face and stomped up the stairs after her as Felix chuckled. 

The vicar had run straight for the shower, the git, so Felix took his time cleaning his weaponry and boots as he waited. Parvati was nearby, humming as she worked.

He couldn't work out how to broach the subject with the Captain. Hell, he wasn't sure what the subject even _was_. 

_Hey, Captain, you know how you disappear and then rematerialise somewhere else? What's that all about?_

He groaned.

"You doing alright?" Parvati's head popped round the corner, and he huffed a laugh. 

"Par, do you have spanners living in your hair?" 

She gingerly reached across her head, extracting one. 

"Ohh, I wondered where you'd gone!" 

He shook his head fondly as she came and sat next to him. A thought occurred. 

"Can I…" he hesitated, and she waited patiently. "Can I ask you something? About the Captain, I mean." 

"Sure!" 

Parvati had been with Jay the longest, and from what he'd heard, the Captain hadn't been on Terra 2 long at all before the two had teamed up.

"When it was just the two of you, in the Vale, did she ever like-" 

Felix grasped for the right words. 

"-seem to have, like, an episode? Where she trembled a lot or similar." 

"Oh, yeah," the engineer nodded, and he looked at her in surprise. "It don't happen much anymore, but to begin with it was like she couldn't even move for a spell. It's a side effect from hibernation." 

_Ohhh. Fuck, I shoulda thought of that._

"I didn't realise there were side effects like that," he said, as relief washed through him.

"There are ones that are kinda common and then there's ones that are, well, more particular. You've spoken to her about how long she was froze right?" 

He nodded. 

"Nobody's come back from that before," she said softly. "The side effects are unknown. But the trembling… episodes as you call 'em, that's a regular hibernation thing. Not everyone gets it, but it wears off in time." 

"Good, that's good. I'm glad. Good." 

He was babbling, panicking about whether to bring up the other issue. Parvati watched him closely, that familiar knowing look on her face. 

"I'm surprised you're not asking 'bout her ability to zip through time." 

He gaped at her, mouth hanging open, and she giggled. 

"You can just ask her, y'know," Par smiled. "It's not a secret. Though actually, I guess you're the only one who's managed to see it. I only know account of I was with her when she was tryna get a handle on it…"

The engineer looked at him with suddenly wide eyes as he tried and failed to close his mouth again. 

"Oh stars, maybe it _is_ meant to be a secret! Darnit, I didn't think. She _was_ worried it marked her out as weird or suchlike… Ugh, okay, Felix, just pretend I didn't say anything." 

"Par- she can zip through time?! What do you mean? She saved me from getting my face blasted off by disappearing in front of a scrap mechanical, then reappearing behind it to kill it. Are you saying she can _stop_ time?" 

"Just- look. You should ask her about it. She trusts you, Felix, she wouldn't expect you to stay quiet. And it sounds like she knows you musta seen. So talk to her, okay?" 

_She trusts me._

That still wasn't something he was used to. He'd struggled with the fact he'd trusted her so quick, knowing exactly where that usually led. But the fact she trusted him, and showed him that time and time again, that made him feel… 

_I don't even know. Wobbly? Scared. People I trust… I don't ever get to keep them._

_< "The shower is now free.">_

"Thanks Ada," he murmured, as Parvati skittered up the ladder, making her escape. 

~~~

Trying to get a word with the Captain turned out to be near impossible. Between Parvati, Max, Ellie and Ada, the boss was in high demand, not to mention she needed time to work on her own plans of action too.

Truthfully, Felix could have stopped by her room and probably got some time with her, but he hadn't been in there since the aftermath of Scylla, when he'd practically had to run out to avoid making a fool of himself.

_And let's face it, I'm just a coward._

So instead, he was laying in his bunk reading trashy adventure stories, his eyes repeating the same few sentences over and over as he struggled not to think about _her -_ her cheeky winks, the way she smiled, how she laughed at his jokes, her occasional blush when she saw him looking, the soft moan she'd make when she lazily stretched... A task that was, no pun intended, getting harder and harder. Jay had saved his life today, at least twice in a row, by hurling herself between him and that giant mech. And even if she did have-

_I don't even know what to call it. Powers?_

-it was definitely not something she did all the time. So either it had a cost, or it wasn't wholly reliable. And given the occasional trembling episodes…

_Did she really know she could pull it off? Or did she put herself in front of me without being sure? If this was a serial, I'd have jumped to my feet and kissed her all romantic-like._

_But real life was full of raptidon blood, a glowering vicar, and a guy who's too afraid to even ask the girl out, let alone kiss her._

He groaned softly in anguish, as his thoughts once more propelled forward into what else might follow from such a kiss, with his hands travelling into her hair, under her clothes, across her body… 

_< "The Captain requests Felix visit her cabin.">_

Felix jumped so violently that he dropped his book and cracked his head off the wall with a loud curse. 

"Sorry, Ada! That wasn't at you." 

_Last thing I need is the ship hating me, on top of probably already judging me._

He hauled himself to his feet, and tried jumping up and down on the spot to straighten himself back out again. Hopefully by the time he arrived at the Captain's room he'd be no longer standing to attention, though he was extremely sure he'd still be blushing bright red. 

~~~

"Hey, Fel- are you alright?" 

The Captain, sitting on her desk, blinked in concern, and he could feel the heat still radiating from his face. He put his best grin forward, and she visibly relaxed. 

"Was just fallin' asleep, I think," he offered, which wasn't entirely untrue if daydreaming counted as normal dreaming. 

_And given mine seem to lead to that, it's not a huge leap._

"Ack, I'm sorry - I should have realised the time. We can talk later." 

"No, no," he stammered slightly, and with a huge effort managed to pull himself together as he sat on her bed. "I'm good- great." 

"Okay, good," smiled Jay. "I just wanted to chat to you away from everyone else for a bit-" 

Felix could hear his heart hammering away, and he focused all the willpower he had on not blushing even more. 

"-because I know you see a lot more than the others do." 

He raised an eyebrow in question, and she smiled as she continued. 

"I'm pretty sure I'm right in thinking, that you've realised I'm not just normal fast out there. Whether it's lifting things, or _liberating_ them as I believe I called it, or when fighting. Given your talents, I did think you'd probably notice." 

_Ah. Okay, good. And she thinks I have talents!_

He nodded with a pleased grin, and she chuckled. 

"But then with today, I guess I should explain properly…" 

She trailed off, a little unsure. 

_Par said she worries it marks her out as different._

"I saw you disappear and reappear," he offered with a reassuring smile. "While saving my life. Which, by the way, thanks for saving my life, boss." 

"Any time," she said softly, and Felix could see the relief roll across her as she relaxed a little. "It's sort of a side effect of hibernation, and it sort of isn't. There's a rare side effect that is a little similar, and maybe my extended freeze time mutated it a bit more, but Phin thinks it might be more unique to me. I guess we'll only know when the others get defrosted."

"How does it work?" he asked calmly, trying to avoid spooking her. 

"It's… I guess the best description is that it's time dilation. My perception of time slows down, by a _lot_. To begin with, I could barely move any faster than anyone else, I was just seeing things in slow motion. I could think faster, but not move any different. But as I practised… my movement sped up."

_That's how she can move faster than I can track._

"If time slows down for you, but it's still moving the same outside you… in effect you're moving _really_ fast in the same time everything else is going at normal speed?" 

"Exactly!" she nodded, and he grinned. "I can only do it for so long, the equivalent of microseconds in real time. But if I drop in and out of it, or combine it with my normal skills just right…" 

"You can shoot or move super fast," he mused. "Or make an object disappear without seemingly touching it. Or… disappear in front of an enemy and reappear behind it?" 

"That last one is harder," she frowned a little. "It's a huge amount of movement so I have to stay in… that different perception space for longer. The longer or more often I do it, the more tiring it is. Not body tiredness exactly, but I guess mental tiredness? My head starts to get pretty painful."

_Hold up._

"Wait. Is this dangerous?" 

"Honestly?" she swallowed hard, and he felt a rising anxiety within him. "There's no way to know. I'm flying blind on this. If I just tap into it a little, it seems okay. But I don't want to rely on it, or use it too much I guess? Because I really don't know what I'm playing with."

"Then it was a risk," he sighed. "What you did today I mean. Not that I'm not grateful, obviously."

"I didn't have a choice, Fel'. And even if I did, I would have chosen the same. I'm just very glad it worked-"

She held up a hand to forestall his protest, and he smiled in defeat, distracted by his reaction to her cute nickname for him. 

"-and the other thing is that if I _don't_ use it, like at all, I don't end up with the choice. I start falling into it, like it's overcharged or something. So I can't just _not_ use it either-"

She made a small noise of frustration. 

"-sorry, I know this must be confusing."

"Well, I mean it must be more confusing for you, boss," he laughed, and she smiled. "It did take me a while to work out. And even once I noticed, I didn't know how you could be moving so fast-"

He saw that she still looked fairly tense. 

"-Thank you for telling me. I think it's pretty amazing." 

"You do?" she asked doubtfully. 

"Are you kidding me? You have actual superpowers!-" 

She laughed warmly, surprised, and he grinned. 

"-Superpowers that you used to save my life, boss. And not just mine either. That's the kind of ability a _lot_ of people would use for terrible purposes, Jay. But everything you do is for other people."

He managed to get a hold of his mouth before he babbled too far, but the smile that had crinkled her nose and turned her eyes shining was oh so worth it.

"Thank you, Felix," she managed, a little huskily. "That means a lot to hear. I-" 

"Cap, can you come and tell Parvati to stop banging her spanners at me?" Ellie burst into the room, glowering. 

"Banging… at you?" the Captain looked confused, as Felix focused solely on trying to look as cool and normal as possible. 

"She's working on that SAM in the middle of the damn corridor, and I can't get to my room!" 

"There's ladders at the other end-" he began. 

"That's halfway round the ship!" the doctor exclaimed. "Cap, I am tired and-" 

"Okay, okay," Jay jumped to her feet. "I've got you, come on." 

She ushered Ellie out the door, pausing for a moment to smile softly at him. 

"Thanks for the chat, Felix. I really appreciate it." 

"Any time, boss." 

He started to throw himself backwards once she left, his blush returning, only to remember halfway that it was her bed he was sitting on. With a wholly undignified scramble, he leapt to his feet instead, and took the long route back to his room, slinking back to safety with a sigh. 

_One day, perhaps I'll manage to be in her room without feeling like a complete idiot._

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Kind Of Magic by Queen
> 
> The bell that rings inside your mind  
> It's a challenging the doors of time  
> It's a kind of magic


	8. Too Afraid To Love

Felix woke up, feeling groggy, and pretty sure he'd just heard Ada announcing something. He stumbled out of his room, only to find the place deserted. 

Alarm spiked through him, and he hit the stairs, only to see Ellie standing in the navigation room, watching a screen intently.

"What's going on?" he asked, walking over, and the doctor nearly jumped out of her skin. 

"Fucking _shit_ , Felix!" she scolded, and he held up his hands in apology. "... We're at that defunct auxiliary relay the Groundbreaker needed back online." 

"Wait, they're out there without me?" he scowled, and Ellie huffed a laugh. 

"You don't get on enough rosters? Everyone knows you're Cap's favourite." 

He was thankful she was glued to the screen, and didn't see him blush. 

"It's either a technical or engineering failure," the doctor continued. "Par and Max have got this covered. Although…" 

"Although?" 

"It's just… it's a weird one. Someone has been living in it. There's traps everywhere, mechs going nuts, food fucking everywhere. They've got the mechs powered down, but it's slow going with the mines and such." 

Felix peered at the screen, seeing it was showing the inside of the satellite. It looked to be security footage, flicking between the cameras on a cycle, and he could see occasional angles of the team disarming laser traps as they went. 

"Got a name, Ell," the Captain's voice came out the speakers. "Frey, F-R-E-Y. Not a technician or pirate. Journal entry here. 'Last night I dreamed, and it was beautiful. The streets of Byzantium were decorated with crimson streamers that laughed in the breeze. They asked me to take them, to give them to my special ones. I gathered the crimson in my arms and felt so alive, so happy. I turned and Delilah was beside me. I did not question why my supervisor was there, her eyes so full of the emotions I KNOW she feels but dares not show at work'-"

_Oh. Ew._

"-'I wrapped her neck in crimson, tying it tight as a scarf on a cold day. So beautiful. Then the crimson on her neck opened as a second mouth and began screaming, screaming…'"

 _Fuck_. 

"Oh, great," the doctor drawled, as she started flicking through records on another screen. "He sounds nice." 

The Captain snorted a laugh, but he could see on the screen that the group were tense. Max was disarming mines as Jay climbed into a vent, disappearing from sight, only to re-emerge in the room the vicar had got to.

_Could this guy still be on the satellite? Nothing on camera, but seems like there's open vents everywhere…_

He saw Jay pause suddenly, leaning on a crate out of sight. She passed her hand in front of her face, and after a few seconds shook herself and resumed her path.

Ellie was still flipping through records, and he realised that once again it was only him noticing that Jay was ever struggling. 

_She seems okay again now at least-_

"This place is full of purpleberry stuff and chocolate," Jay sounded amused. "We'll do a haul after we've swept the place. Should keep Felix in stock for, oh, at least a week." 

He grinned goofily, still watching her like a hawk. On screen, Par waved the Captain over.

"Another journal," Jay's voice sounded distinctly unhappy. "'The whispers DO NOT STOP. Every person I see, the whispers tell me to help, help, help them. They show me the pain and longing hiding in their eyes. They tell me how these people want - no, NEED - the gifts I can give. All it would take is a few moments with a blade. A bright, bright, bright fountain of crimson to delight the eyes and all of their pain would be gone. I could do it. I know how to help them. It gets harder and harder to stop myself'-"

_I really hope this isn't the beginning of a murderer hunt…_

"-Hang on, let me skip a bit…'I have to leave Byzantium. He will tell, tell, tell. They'll come for me and lock me away. I must find a secret place. A place I can be alone. A place with no whispers.' Ugh. Gonna guess that's how he ended up here." 

"I'm not finding anything on a Frey," Ellie confirmed, "Not surprising if he's from the city though. People from Byzantium don't commit crimes, they just conveniently disappear." 

"There's enough food here to feed the whole of Groundbreaker. But…" 

The Captain trailed off as more traps were dealt with. 

"... I don't see any signs of food having been eaten. Only two rooms left." 

Felix watched the security footage carefully. It flicked between all the rooms the team had set foot in, including the one they were currently entering. Which meant the final room wasn't being shown.

_Please don't let crimson-knife guy be waiting… I should be in there with them, dammit._

"Another journal. Not good reading. 'As I made this place livable - or as much as it can be - I started hearing the whispers from the relay terminal. They told me to listen to the voices traveling through the aether to reach me. Calling out to me to help them, alone, lonely, NEEDING my help. I found a way to power down the transmitter. No more voices in the aether, and NO MORE WHISPERS! They fell silent, silent, silent!'-"

_That explains the relay going offline, at least._

"-'This was not me! It's not! Not! I am not this foul thing that I have feared for so long. It was the voices in the aether trying to make me hurt others. But I was stronger than they, and I have defeated them. Them. Them!' He ends it by saying he's going back to his life in the city… and to poor Delilah. Last room."

The silence stretched out, and he realised Ellie was holding her breath same as him. 

Eventually the speaker crackled again, and the Captain spoke in a flat voice.

"Got a body. The voices came back and Frey killed himself so he wouldn't harm anyone. Fuck. He's just a normal looking guy. A final journal entry asks for forgiveness."

Jay sighed heavily and the connection cut out. On screen, the satellite powered up, and even from the ship he could hear the hum of working machinery as everything sprung back to life. 

Orders were given to move the food supplies onto the Unreliable, an unmanned relay station having no need of them. Max worked on fixing the security footage to reinclude the last room, while Felix took over from Parvati as the engineer was more than a little shaken. 

"You okay, boss?" he murmured as they finished up, the Captain stowing her weapons as he stacked the boxes in the hold.

"Yeah," she sounded drained. "It's just… what he was experiencing. Hallucinated voices I mean. There's treatment for that. Or at least, there was back on Earth. Nobody here gets help for illness unless they're rich or productive, and I'm guessing it's even worse for mental illness." 

Felix nodded in understanding, sitting on a newly packed crate. He'd kept a close eye on her, and hadn't seen any more shaking. For now at least. 

"It's a little better on the Groundbreaker, I know that much," he offered. "The Tennysons never agreed to withhold treatment based on work productivity. Truth be told, the station could be more prosperous if they did, but that was never their aim."

"You feel that way, even growing up in the Back Bays?" she asked. 

"Sure. I'm not saying it was great, 'cause it definitely wasn't. But Junlei's quarters looked little different from anyone else's. The Tennysons did the best with what they have. The Board would have gassed the other decks-" 

He saw her eyes widen in horror, and realised he was maybe being a bit blunt, considering. 

"-sorry, boss. I forget this is all more of a shock for you."

"It's okay," she shook her head sadly, and he felt like kicking himself. "Earth was far from perfect too. Humans tend towards greed everywhere." 

"Not all of us," he smiled at her, and she laughed suddenly. 

"You realise you're saying that while sitting on a mountain of Purpleberry Crunch, right?" 

He grinned at her.

~~~

"Grrrreetings CUSTOMER!" 

_Bloody hell!_

Felix had opened his room door to be, well, _greeted_ by a very loud SAM.

The mech pushed past him, and he growled. 

"Hey, I don’t need you snooping around in my bunk. I got everything right where I want it." 

"Area filth-level assessment… DISGUSTING!" 

_Argh, shut it._

"Yeah, yeah," he managed as he heard Par giggling in the hall. "Keep talking, tincan. Least I don’t live in a closet." 

"Warning: SAM’s specially formulated ‘Blood-Out’ fluid remover has been known to eat through flesh. Handle with caution." 

Felix shook his head as he exited his room, seeing Par clearing away her tools. 

"Is that mech threatening me or…?" 

"Who, Sam?" the engineer smiled. "Oh, he's a lil sweetie pie, don't you worry." 

The robot clanged out of his room, chattering as it made its way to the galley ahead of him. 

"Did you know SAM units are capable of equipping regulation-grade flamethrower nozzles? Upgrade your attachment today, and get to Firing Away!" 

"Wait, what?" he laughed, realising now why the Captain had wanted the unit powered up. 

"What do you say, Sam?" Jay called, as they reached the table. "You wanna help me clean up this colony?" 

"Got stubborn stains? Leave them for SAM."

"Welcome to the crew, Sam." 

~~~

"We've got our key." 

The Captain smiled as she stepped out of Gladys' room, and Parvati bounced in excitement. 

"Nice one, boss," Felix beamed. "If you need a tour guide, I've seen all twelve episodes of Terror on Monarch. I'm _kind of_ an expert."

"I'm gonna be able to set foot on a whole other planet!" enthused the engineer. "I know Monarch's a moon. I think it counts anyhow."

"You two tryna claim the roster already?" Jay smirked. 

"C'mon, boss," he drawled. "You know we're way more fun than Max and Ellie." 

She laughed, and Felix couldn't stop his goofy grin. 

"Speaking of," she smiled, "they'll be getting impatient. Hang on though, need to sell some stuff to Martin." 

"Hey Felix, you like riddles?" asked Parvati, as they walked up the promenade. 

"Is that a riddle? Cause the answer is yes. Hit me with another one."

"All right, here goes. Many have heard me, but none have seen me, and I won't speak until spoken to. What am I?" 

"Won't speak until spoken to, huh?" he mused. "Oh, I got it. You're an obedient corporate slave, right?" 

He smirked as he heard Jay snickering at the Spacer's Choice terminal, clearly still listening. 

"What?" Par looked disappointed. "No! The answer is 'echo'."

"Oh," he nodded, playing innocent. "I was close!" 

"Okay, I got another one. I can only live where there's light, but if a light shines on me, I die. What am I?" 

"Huh. That's a tough one. I'm gonna have to go with… a conspiracy!" 

This time he could see the Captain giggling as she finished up, and he grinned happily. 

"I don't think you're takin' my riddles serious, Felix," the engineer pouted. "And anyway, the answer's 'a shadow'."

"All done," smiled Jay. "Let's go meet the others." 

"All right, Felix," Parvati tried again. "I got a real easy one for you. You ready?" 

"I was _born_ ready. Let me hear it." 

"What goes up but never comes down?" 

"The amount of corruption in the colony." 

Jay chuckled softly, and Par frowned at her. 

"No, Felix. This one's real simple. Just think about it." 

"Fine, fine. Is the answer the Chairman's salary?" 

Jay covered her laugh with a cough, as the engineer looked at them both with suspicion. 

"Are you sure you're taking my riddles serious?!" 

"Okay, okay," he gave in, not wanting to upset her. "The answer is 'age'."

"You got it!" Parvati squealed happily. "You're brighter'n folks give you credit for."

He huffed a laugh, and as he caught Jay's eye she gave him a cheeky wink that made him grin widely.

~~~

"So how's this work?" asked Parvati as they entered the Lost Hope. "Do we get a table? Stand in a corner?" 

"Cap!" Ellie yelled out, waving them towards a table before dropping her voice as they neared and whispering to Jay. "Listen…" 

"Okay. So. What are we drinking?" the engineer was nervously babbling. "You're the experts. Oh, and don't worry on the price. I got this. Let's just do it proper."

"I'd start with beer," suggested the Captain, "but you said in Edgewater the smell made you sick. How about wine?" 

"Wow, you remembered! That's fruit and such, right? Okay, wine it is." 

She headed to the bar. 

"Par, I'm just gonna head to SubLight real quick with Ellie and Max," Jay called after her. "You okay here with Felix?" 

"Uh, sure!" 

"I'll look after her. No worries, boss." 

"Won't be a minute." 

The Captain headed out with the vicar and doctor, as Parvati returned with wine and glasses. 

"Bottom's up!" she grinned. "Wait, how do I drink this?" 

"I'm no expert on wine," he said apologetically, "but ain't you supposed to drink that stuff with your little finger up? And definitely you sip it, drink it slow." 

"Oh, okay," nodded Parvati, having an experimental taste. "Thanks, Felix! Wow, this is really kind of nice, actually. Who'd've guessed old fruit could taste so good."

"Yeah, that's not bad," he admitted after a sip, pulling a slight face. "Not sure it's my thing, mind. But I _badly_ need to get drunk." 

"Really? That's kinda a relief to hear, honestly. Jay says drinking don't fix anything, but my mind's all aswirl. Does alcohol fix that?" 

"Temporarily. It'll come back just as strong tomorrow. But sometimes the short-term relief is needed." 

He sighed unhappily, and Parvati looked at him intently. 

"You should talk to her, y'know," she said bluntly, then blushed as she realised what she'd said. "I-I don't mean… ooh, this stuff works fast!" 

Felix laughed softly, despite his shock at her words. 

"I just mean," she continued, "I know I'm pining something fierce. And it's horrible, I feel like my heart is in someone else's hands, and they're just squeezing ever so hard. But I can tell the same thing's happening to you." 

_Oh fuck._

"Please tell me I'm not this obvious," he groaned, sinking his head down onto the table. 

"I don't know about that, but I don't reckon anyone else has noticed if that's what you mean."

"I really hope not." 

"I'm pretty sure they ain't," she nodded, sipping her wine. "Max don't see that kind of thing I think, and I dunno if Ellie does or not but she's doing her best to not get to know any of us too close." 

"And Jay?" he asked, very sure he didn't want to know. 

"Well," Parvati paused, and he swallowed hard. "I honestly don't know. She's good at keeping things inside. She's got an awful lot on her mind though." 

"Good!" he breathed a sigh of relief. 

"You don't want her to know?" 

"I really don't." 

"But- but it's _her_ you're pining for!" 

"I know!" he winced at his raised volume, and lowered his voice. "But she's my _Captain_ , Par. It's too awkward if she finds out. I've been waiting so long for this ship, I can't lose it now." 

_Hi, Captain, I really fancy you. Sure boss, I'll pack my bags and scram._

Parvati frowned, leaning in to speak quietly. 

"You can't think she'd ever make you leave, surely." 

"I- okay, no. I don't think she would, but I could hardly stay after admitting that. How could I?" 

"I don't understand," the engineer said sadly, and he sighed. 

"I know. It just… it wouldn't be fair for me to tell her that. It'd mess everything up." 

Parvati scrunched her face up as she thought, the wine clearly having an effect. 

"But you're assuming she doesn't like you too." 

"Well, yeah." 

"But she does!" 

"As friends, sure. And I'm glad of that. She needs friends." 

"Well, I think I get what you're meaning," Parvati drank more wine, "but it's abso-surely better she does know. I mean, what are you gonna do if somebody else comes along and sweeps her off her feet?" 

"I- I'll…" he faltered. 

_Crumple into a ball of sad._

"Would you still be happy on a ship seeing her squish over someone else?" 

_Fuck_. 

"I… would have to be," he managed. "Because I'm her friend. Par, even if I told her, there's no reason for her to like me back that way. You know her, she's a damn hero. I'm just a Back Bays brat." 

"That's hooey and you know it!" Parvati thumped the table in frustration. "Whenever you're around, she's happier, Felix." 

He blinked in confusion. 

"Ugh, that was tedious," Max appeared with a sigh sinking into a seat next to them. 

Felix looked up and saw Ellie and the Captain at the bar. He glanced at Parvati and she promptly changed the subject.

"Did you know Junlei growin' up?" 

"Ms Tennyson? Naw. She never looked my way. I knew of her though. Who didn't? She was just about the busiest woman on the Groundbreaker."

"What'd folks say about her, then?" Par was trying to sound extremely casual and completely failing. 

"Tough. Competent," he smiled, his eyes twinkling as he added, "Had a glare that'd stop you in your tracks."

"Yeah," she giggled, blushing furiously. 

Jay arrived with a selection of drinks. 

"Whiskey for you, Max-" 

"Excellent!" 

"-more wine for you Ell-" 

"Let's get fancy sloshed!" 

"-Spectrum and Energy Brew for Fel'-" 

" _Yesssss_." 

"-and something that _claims_ to be 'Rum and Something' but probably is neither for me."

She sat down as Ellie filled them in on the SubLight job. It was for Fallbrook, where they were set to find Max's contact on Monarch anyway. Doing another job while there couldn't hurt. 

"So is the rum actually rum?" Ellie asked with interest. 

"Not really," the Captain pulled a face. "And rum is like, the easiest to make. It's just sugar. Why that's hard, I don't know." 

"Typical," the doctor grumped. "I knew it couldn't be proper. No way we get actual pirate drink round here." 

_Aha, that's why she was curious._

"How you getting on with the wine, Par?" asked Jay, her eyes sparkling. 

"It's real good! Much nicer than I expected. Can I talk to you about, y'know, my _situation?_ " 

"'Course. Lay it on me." 

Felix saw Ellie roll her eyes and start tossing insults at some nearby drinkers, trying for a distraction. Max was reading a book intently. Felix kept an ear on the conversation, watching the tossball highlights on screen. 

"Oh, Jay, I'm pining for Junlei something fierce. What am I doing?" 

"Drinking with friends?" 

"Hah. Wait, yeah! Friends give each other counsel, right? What do you all think I should do about Junlei? 'Cause I feel about as aimless as an automech with a busted navchip."

"I give counsel to plenty of folks I don't consider friends," said Max, dryly, still reading. "If you need an ear, I'm listening." 

"You wanna know what I think?" offered Felix. "I think you should write down what you want to say then read it. Always worked for me."

"I'd give you my advice," Ellie mused, "but if I'm being honest, you're probably better off following whatever the Captain has to say." 

"Jay?" asked a now very confused Parvati. 

"Okay, first of all, ignore Max. He knows fine well we're all friends. Secondly, Felix is right."

"Wait, I am?" 

"On second thoughts, don't follow what Cap has to say," smirked Ellie. 

"Har har," Felix drawled, and the doctor cackled. 

"As much as you and Junlei are getting confused, putting things in writing can help keep things clearer in your own mind," Jay's voice was kind, with all the patience her other crew members lacked. "So start by telling me why her message got you so unsettled." 

"Well, she talked about another girl, right? Isabelle," the engineer pulled a face. "Mentioned her by name and everything, like she wanted me to know. Maybe I been making a right fool of myself this whole time. Maybe she's not interested after all?" 

"Maybe you're over thinking it?" 

"That's a given, Captain. I can't not worry myself to bits 'bout the things that matter to me. Do you think Junlei still has feelings for her?" 

"I don't think so," Jay smiled. 

"Maybe- maybe she just wanted to let me know her preferences. In a… less awkward way. But that made it more awkward. I need another drink…"

"Par, no one sends terrible, vaguely sensual poetry to someone they don't like."

"Exactly," Ellie chimed in. "Takes a lot of trust to hand over that kind of blackmail material."

"I- I don't know I'd call it, er, sensual," blushed Parvati. "That's… a lot." 

"Par, the poem implied you calming her with a touch," the Captain was trying to be gentle. "That's romance serial-grade stuff."

"It- it did. Oh dear. I hadn't… really… oh my goodness. And I TOLD you!" 

The engineer fanned at her face. 

"As an avid reader and collector of rare tomes," said Max, with sudden interest, "I believe I ought to have a look at this specimen of literary self-expression."

"Let's read it right now", Ellie smirked. "Just to be sure."

"We might have to turn the lights down first," quipped Felix, and Parvati giggled. 

"What'd she actually write in the message?" asked Jay. "You haven't said." 

"It was real long and ramble-y…" Parvati proceeded to get real long and ramble-y as Elle brought everyone more drinks. 

"What's this really about?" the Captain cut in, kindly. 

"I just got a lot of feelings, Jay, and they're all climbing up my throat. I- I need another drink. Right now. Afore I lose my nerve."

_Thaaaat doesn't sound like a good idea._

"Mhm, let's get you some water."

Felix smiled at Jay looking out for her friend. Max pushed over a mug of water without looking up from his book. 

"Come _ooon_ , Jay," protested Parvati. "Water's for cowards! I'm here to DRINK."

Felix was about to speak, when he saw Par suddenly look mighty green and swallow hard. 

"Um, maybe you're right," the engineer managed. "I am a little woozy. Hydration, here I come!" 

"Aw, this was just about to get fun," Ellie pouted. 

"Good thinking, boss," he murmured. "You just saved Par a whole lot of trouble."

"Oh shush, you," Parvati waved her finger at him, making him laugh, before turning back to the Captain. "Oh Jay, I wanna talk to Junlei all the time. Even about silly things. But I'm so scared."

"What's got you so scared?" she asked. 

"Um. _Everything_. I got a solar system's worth of terrifying questions swirling 'round my head. Does she think I'm as pretty as I think she's handsome? What if she doesn't like me? What if she DOES? What if she's still got feelings for that lady, Isabelle! What if we- we get together, and she gets bored of me?"

Felix was having trouble keeping up, but her worries certainly chimed with him and his own fretting. 

"Par, there's an easy way to get answers to all those questions," Jay smiled. 

"There's nothing easy about- about spilling your guts to the person who's got your heart in their hands! You know I'm not interested in physical affection. That's- well, it's tripped folks up in the past. Folks I thought cared about me for me. What if she's not okay with that? What if she IS, but then, later, she's not?" 

"Are you afraid of being rejected for who you are?" 

Felix blinked at her directness. 

"'Course," sighed the engineer. "Someone so brave as you, well, you can't understand. I know it's easy for you, but-" 

"Par, everyone is afraid of that," Jay interrupted with a small smile, "no matter their quirks. Including me." 

"Huh. Well, I never thought of it that way. I wonder what Jun's afraid of being rejected for…"

The two kept talking but Felix's mind was doing spirals. The Captain was afraid of rejection? Who'd ever reject her? She'd wrapped everyone around her little finger, as easy as pie. But then again, he hadn't seen anyone manage to charm her back…

_The laugh she gives, the one when it's just crew, nobody else gets that. Or the way she smiles at me when her whole face lights up, and her nose crinkles-_

He realised he was letting his eyes rest on her too long, even if everyone else was too tipsy or engrossed in something else to notice. And it hadn't escaped his attention that Jay was getting looks from other bar patrons, with fluttered eyelashes and carefully posed muscles. There'd been more than a few of those magically appearing drinks, but the Captain was here for Parvati, and supporting her friend seemed to be her only focus for the evening. 

New faces on the Groundbreaker always caused a stir, even when they weren't so pretty. The Halcyon population just wasn't that big in the first place, and new people were a rarity. But the way she carried herself made her stand out even further. She hadn't been beaten down like the rest, she didn't talk herself out of action or opportunity, and she hadn't been conditioned to obey. And then there was her charm… 

Hell, even when she wasn't doing that deliberately, it seemed like people were just different around her. Par was currently talking about wanting to be the best person she could be for Junlei, and he was very aware he'd been doing that with Jay. Sure, he had wanted to do a good _job_ for his Captain, but he couldn't pretend that's all it was. Making her smile or laugh had become his top priority, the highlights of his day, helping lighten her spirits in the best way he knew how, but also lightening his own. And all of his usual carefulness about hiding his actual intelligence and opinions had gone completely out the window, especially when it was just the two of them. 

Being smart in a Board-driven world was dangerous, especially when you had a reputation as a potential dissident and lived in the gutters. Felix had never felt safe to be his true self around anyone, even the very few people he had trusted. But Jay had just casually strolled past all those walls he'd lumbered himself with, never dismissive or anticipating less from him. And if his smarts happened to make her smile all the more… 

In the corner of his eye, Felix realised Lee was in the room, mooning over her from a distance as she chatted away with Par. He bit back a growl, his discomfort at how uncomfortable he was feeling forming an inescapable cycle. Parvati's words from earlier were ringing in his head. What was he supposed to do if Jay left the bar with someone else? With Lee or any of the other people who'd happily be up for a night of fun or a burgeoning romance? And even if they weren't successful, they could easily spill his inglorious past… 

There was a dark gloom constricting his chest, and he realised he knew exactly what Par had meant when she spoke about feeling like someone was squeezing your heart that they held in their hands.

"Hey," a soft voice murmured next to him, and he turned to see Jay had moved closer. "You okay?" 

His heart battered against his chest, thumping hard. He nodded, trying to prepare his voice with a respectable amount of cheer.

"I'm sorry I've been so focused on Par," she continued softly, "she's been in such a tizz. It can't have been much fun for you sitting here though." 

She looked genuinely apologetic, and he rushed to reassure her. 

"What? No, no. I'm good, boss. This bar is full of folk I know, but I like sitting here. You give good advice!" 

He gave her his best smile, and she huffed a small laugh, clearly relieved. 

"I'm just probably getting to the point where I shouldn't drink much more," he continued, trying to cover for the lower mood she'd obviously spotted.

"Yeah, I think I'm there too," she nodded, before adding in slight confusion. "Drinks just kept appearing." 

"I think they're from your admirers, boss," he smirked slightly at the realisation she hadn't cottoned on. 

"Oh. Whoops!" she blushed. "Well, as long as they weren't expecting anything in return…" 

She grinned sheepishly and his heart soared. 

"When Par gets back from the loo," she said with a stretch, "we can think about heading back." 

"Loo?"

"Oh, toilet I mean. That not a word either?" 

She looked a little disheartened, and he grinned at her. 

"It is now, boss!" 

Jay laughed, her nose crinkling. 

~~~

"What if I can't make her happy?" 

Parvati was wobbling slightly as they made their way back to the Unreliable, and Felix steered her right.

"You can't control how people react to you, even people you care about," Jay smiled.

"What do you mean?"

"The only thing you can control is you. If Junlei likes you, you want her to like you for who you are. You deserve someone who appreciates you."

_That makes sense…_

"So, if I'm doing my very best to be kind and open-hearted, I shouldn't worry how she thinks of me?" 

"Easier said than done, I know," the Captain frowned slightly. "But yeah. So, are you going to ask her out?" 

"Oh gosh. I, uh, I don't know, Jay. Do you think I should?" 

"You're still unsure?!" she laughed. "Yes! Just ask her!" 

Felix swallowed hard, his heart still beating a little too wildly. 

"All right, all right!" Parvati giggled. "There's no need to strip your screws over it. Okay. I'm- I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna ask Jun out. Just as soon as we get back to the ship. I mean, probably. Eventually. Thanks for hearing me out, and giving me counsel, and- well, for being a friend. It means a whole lot. You're good people, Jay."

"You know something, Par?" offered Felix. "You oughta come out drinking with the crew more often."

"Ha! All right. Thank you, guys. You're real good friends. You know that? I wish- I wish there was a place we could all live quiet together."

 _Wait_ -

"You mean… like on a spaceship?" Jay giggled, and he burst out laughing, as he heard Max snort a laugh behind them. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too Afraid to Love You by The Black Keys
> 
> What more can I do  
> 'Cause I'm wringin' myself dry  
> And I cannot afford to lose  
> One more teardrop from my eye
> 
> I just don't know what to do  
> I am too afraid to love you


	9. Stellar Views

_< "Captain, we are now in orbit at Phineas' Lab.">_

Felix looked up from where he was writing at his desk when he heard Ada's announcement. He was squirreled away in his room, making an attempt at a journal.

_Just in case I go space crazy._

He was also partly hiding from everyone, his discussion with Parvati the night before weighing heavily on him. The boss was likely to visit Welles solo, and then they'd begin the journey to Monarch.

There was a knock at his door, surprising him. 

"Uh, come in?" 

The door opened, and Jay stepped in, with the door sliding shut behind her. 

_This room is… small._

"Hey," she said brightly. "I'm heading into the lab just to touch base. Wondered if you wanted to come look?" 

"Hm, a secret base belonging to Halcyon's top rebel? Yeah, I think I could be up for that." 

He grinned at her, and she laughed. 

"Great! Par is gonna come for a nosy too. I'm interested to see what it all looks like myself." 

"Wait, you've not been?" he asked as they made their way down to the exit. 

"Well, briefly - I'd barely woken up when he chucked me in an escape pod. It was all a little chaotic." 

She wrung her hands slightly, and he let that sink in before replying.

"Sounds like he moved a bit more quickly than was strictly necessary." 

"Yeah," she smiled, and seemed a little relieved at his take on it. "I mean, I get the overall need for speed but plonking me down with no info definitely only slowed me down." 

"Hey, Felix!" Parvati greeted him with a grin. 

"Hey, you. I'm guessing you're not feeling the drinks too bad this morning?" 

"Not even a little! I reckon that water must've worked. And it was fun… it's definitely not _all_ disgusting." 

He laughed. 

"Did you message Junlei?" he asked, curious. 

"Yup! I'll give you all the details later, but we're good. _Real_ good." 

"I'm glad," he smiled. 

~~~

The lab was as messy as Felix expected, given the scientist's scattershot approach to video messages, and his voice boomed over a tannoy as they approached. 

"Hello? Can you hear me? Does this work? Oh, damn and blast! That's loud... 

"I am just securing my ongoing experiments. And securing myself!"

_Securing himself?_

"Mind the mess. I haven't had a visitor since - in fact, I've never had a visitor."

Welles was standing behind what looked like bulletproof glass, in a secure room within the main laboratory. 

_He doesn't trust Jay? Or us, maybe._

"Oh, thank the Law," he cried as the group entered the lab. "Your skin hasn't spontaneously changed colour. Potential side-effect of the revival process. Very rare! But, you never know. Right. Welcome to my little - ah - habitation, such as it is. I've got - uh - caffenoids. Cysty-bits, if you're into that sort of thing. So, welcome. Make yourself at home. My secret hideout is your secret hideout."

As the Captain discussed her business with the scientist through a communication device, Felix started wandering around as Par sat fussing over a giant pet pig that was apparently called Bubbles.

There was one escape pod standing next to an empty fixture, and he recognised the other must have been how Jay arrived near Edgewater. 

"You know," Welles called over, "that escape pod has a twelve percent risk of catastrophic failure. Quite safe by Halcyon's standards!" 

_Not so much for Captain Hawthorne, however._

There were several trolleys with dead pigs under covers, and Felix hoped for Par's sake that Bubbles wasn't in for a similar fate. In the middle of the lab there was an open hibernation pod, clearly Jay's. 

"Reviving her from hibernation was my greatest accomplishment," the scientist called out happily. "Her odds of survival were a mere twenty-eight percent!" 

_Fucking hell._

He leafed through some of the notes on a desk, detailing just how many pigs the scientist had blown up or liquified trying to perfect the method of awakening someone over-frozen from hibernation; that the time dilation that was apparently unique to her and something Welles saw as an 'improvement'; and just how very close the scientist had come to accidentally killing Jay. Repeatedly. 

There was a strange helmet next to the notes-

"Ah, her old hibernation mask! Had to remove it, you know, in case she was prone to vomiting." 

Felix realised he was feeling pretty queasy himself, and as he saw yet another stack of pig corpses on the other side of the lab, driving home further just how risky Jay's return had really been, he went to his default position standing behind the Captain to her left. He'd started to feel like he was stood in her tomb, and being close to her presence, alive and well, was extremely reassuring. 

"Have you met my crew yet?" Jay asked Welles with a bright smile, and the scientist scowled. 

"No, and I've been trying very hard to avoid making eye contact."

"Fine looking hideout out you got here," chirped Felix, not entirely sure why he was winding him up. "My name's Felix, by the way."

"Wait. Not another word!" cried Welles, panicked. "I don't want to know your name. I don't want to know who you are. Let's just enjoy our plausible deniability while it lasts, shall we?" 

The scientist turned back to the Captain with a scowl. 

"Why don't you just invite the entire colony to my secret, carefully concealed laboratory? It isn't as if I wanted privacy."

Felix bit back a growl, glaring at the old man. 

"Relax, Phin," drawled Jay, seemingly unbothered. "They're with me."

"Oh, fine," Welles caved immediately, much to Felix's surprise. "As long as you're vouching for their character, and they aren't touching things. For what it's worth, I am pleased that you've found a crew-"

_Huh. Well that's-_

"-Such as they are-"

 _Ah_. 

"-I picked you out of the Hope for your talents, after all. It's only natural that others would gravitate towards you."

"Yup," she smirked slightly. "I'm doing pretty well for myself."

Felix grinned. 

"Yes, indeed. Well done," Welles sounded genuine. "Also you still haven't spontaneously liquified, which pleases me immensely. Progress!" 

_Aaaand I feel sick again._

~~~

"So, is there anything you’d like to talk about, Felix?" 

He groaned at the smug look on the vicar's face as he sat down in the kitchen, his hopes of relaxing with a magazine of pulp stories thwarted. 

"Is this about me ending up in the wrong bunk last night?" he asked with a sigh. "‘Cause I swear I wasn’t that drunk. The hallway’s disorientating." 

"That’s not what I…" Max looked befuddled for a moment. "I just wanted you to know that I’m here in case there’s anything I can help you with." 

"Also, I am really sorry about your floor," Felix continued.

"Forget I broached the topic. Let’s just pretend last night didn’t happen. Let me try a different approach… Ah yes. This is the simple truth. We are all molecular machines. The body is a collection of atoms. The mind is a consequence of chemical reactions. Therefore, our lives are predestined along a path that is only visible in retrospect. Life is fated. And unstoppable."

Felix groaned again, his hangover returning the more the vicar droned on. 

"Max, you really oughta get one of them portable pulpits."

"Uh oh," smirked Ellie as she arrived in the kitchen with Jay. "That's my cue to leave." 

The medic grinned as she about-turned, escaping into her room.

"You boys playing nice?" asked the Captain, rummaging in the fridge.

_She looks pretty tense._

"Oh sure," Felix leaned back in his chair, putting his feet on the table. "So, Vic, what was it like in prison?" 

Max rolled his eyes, picking up a book. 

"I don't like to talk about it."

"Was it run by Spacer's Choice?"

"What part of 'I don't like to talk about it' do you not understand? Is it the 'don't' part? ‘Cause it can't be the 'talk'."

Felix saw Jay trying not to laugh out the corner of his eye. 

"I bet it was a Spacer's Choice prison," he drawled. "Did you… 'Taste the Freedom'?"

"It baffles me why the Captain puts up with your wilful idiocy, Mr Millstone," Max sighed as she chuckled.

"It's beyond your realm of experience, Max, don't worry about it," Jay winked as she sat and spread out her datapads, while Felix fretted over her meaning. "So, Monarch is a moon around Olympus?" 

Felix was fairly sure she was resuming a conversation that had been previously paused. 

"Yes," the vicar nodded. "And Olympus is one of two gas giants. The other is Eridanos." 

The Captain was quiet for a minute, thinking as she looked at a map.

"Eridanos is where most of the system's energy comes from," continued Max, "as although Olympus is likely rich in elements too, its constant storms make it untenable to harvest."

"And then there's Tartarus, Hephaestus, and Typhon… and Scylla and Terra."

"Terra 2, yeah," Felix piped up. "Monarch was originally Terra 1 until the corporations pulled out." 

"It's weird," mused Jay. "All of them are named from Greek mythology, other than Terra which is Roman. Though I guess Terra is fairly well known as meaning Earth."

"Sure. I mean I dunno about the Greek stuff, but everyone knows what 'terraforming' is."

"The others are named for Greek gods then, Captain?" Max looked curious, and she shook her head.

"Olympus was the home of the gods. Eridanos was a river. Tartarus was a deep abyss, where newly departed souls were sent to be judged. Hephaestus was… I think the god of fire? Or working with fire. Smithing maybe. Typhon was a giant with snake heads. And Scylla… I don't remember. A cursed someone I think? Someone beautiful turned monstrous."

"Only Olympus and Hephaestus sound like they have a non-insulting name then, boss," Felix quipped.

Jay laughed.

"Yeah, and one of them is inhospitable, and the other was named for the company that claimed it, yeah?" 

"Indeed," nodded Max. "What the situation is on Hephaestus is a mystery." 

"It's not too surprising," the Captain smiled. "That period of Earth history is very romanticised. The names may not be intended to comment on the planets themselves. After all, most of the planets back home were named for Roman gods, and none but Earth were truly habitable."

"We didn't even manage one here, boss. Dunno how Vic's determinism accounts for that." 

Max sighed at him. 

"Our lives are predetermined on a path we can only recognise in retrospect," he huffed. "One could easily say that the failure of Monarch is simply survival of the fittest."

"Given we're in system collapse, Max," said Jay evenly, "does that mean all humans here are meant to expire?" 

"Everything that happens has a reason to happen," the vicar frowned, "but I confess I don't see the purpose if nobody in this part of the galaxy lives to see it. Scientism is founded upon scientific advancement, not scientific failure."

"Scientific advancement only comes from failure," the Captain murmured. "And sometimes, as in Halcyon, there is only failure."

"Well. Now you know why I'm so keen to get my book translated."

Max went back to his reading, as Jay resumed her planning. Felix made his excuses and left them to it.

 _Hmm._ _I could be wrong, but I think the more time Max spends with her, the less vicary he's becoming…_

~~~

Felix nodded along as Parvati related the very convoluted story of how she and Junlei were terrible at communicating, but they both seemed to like each other with no further barriers in the way. 

"I'm real pleased for you, Par. Sounds like you two will be going steady soon." 

"Oh gosh, I hope so!" the engineer squealed, throwing herself back on his bed. 

Hiding in his room didn't really work when everyone seemed keen to spend time with him. Not that he minded, and Par was at least distracting him from his guilt over avoiding the Captain.

"That lab was something else, huh?" she asked. "I wonder if Jay would let me have a pet pig here though. She was real sweet!" 

He laughed. 

"I'm not sure Max and Ellie would be up for that. Though maybe if that new shrink ray actually works…" 

"Pfft, we could keep her down in the hold. Though I guess pigs can use stairs. Can they use doors? Hm. I wonder if Jay had any pets…" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, she's from Earth, Felix. Pets were real common back there, and they had all kinds. Proper dogs, and cats and rabbits and guinea pigs and birds and, gosh, horses that you could ride…" 

He thought back to the pictures he'd seen of such animals. There'd been plans to breed a few of those companion species here, but with the local food and soil being unsuitable, it hadn't been feasible to keep extra mouths to feed. He really couldn't begin to fathom all the things Jay might be missing from the home planet she alone remembered.

_No wonder she was so happy seeing those chickens._

"You okay, Felix? You look awful sad."

"Yeah," he sighed. "It's just- it must be really difficult for her. We don't miss what we never had. It's different for her." 

Parvati nodded sadly. 

"Some folk do have tame sprats, maybe she'd like one of those?" she mused. "And Ellie said in Byzantium they have _teeny_ tiny canids. I'm still holding out for a pig though!" 

He laughed, as the engineer looked at him closely. 

"You seemed a bit shaken up by the lab," she attempted, and failed, to sound casual.

Felix sighed. 

"Her chances of surviving coming out of hibernation were so low," he said quietly. "It had me feeling a bit queasy." 

"I still think you should talk to her y'know," she spoke quickly to stop his protest. "Life out here is fragile. If there's one thing Jay keeps showing us, it's that if you want something, you gotta go for it!"

He smiled sadly. 

"Well, there's your answer," he murmured, and she raised an eyebrow in question. "She hasn't gone for me." 

Parvati looked a little lost for words, before Ada's voice rang out. 

_< "Captain, we are now in orbit above Stellar Bay.">_

~~~

The Captain looked a little tired, and Felix wondered if the lab visit had shaken her too. He was also very sure her sleeping trouble was getting worse, and he was keeping a sharp eye out for any further episodes of the violent trembling he'd seen.

As far as he knew, nobody but him and Parvati had witnessed those, and he still wasn't sure how, or if, he should bring it up with her directly. She'd explained a little about the time dilation, but how or even if that fit in with the shakiness, he wasn't sure. But he was certain that a side effect from hibernation shouldn't be getting _worse_ as time went on. 

The entire crew had been given shore leave, as both Ellie and Max assured them that the stories about Monarch were mostly bullshit. Stellar Bay at least was a safe settlement, with gambling and booze a plenty. Max had gone hunting terminals and books for info, while Ellie had loudly announced she needed to 'get laid' and stomped off. 

Felix figured he'd tag along with the Captain and Parvati, not keen on trusting the town was safe. He took his lighter loadout, and met them on the landing pad.

For a settlement, it was big, and surprisingly tall. He knew from chatting to everyone who passed through the Groundbreaker that the only town that looked halfway proper was Byzantium. But hell if Stellar Bay wasn't impressive.

"Always wanted to visit Stellar Bay," he grinned. "Take in the sights, the sounds, the - wait, what's that smell?" 

"Pee-ew," Par waved her hand in front of her face with a laugh. "And I thought Edgewater had a distinctive stink!" 

Jay chuckled. 

"Apparently this is the saltuna capital of the system," she said as they got onto the lift. "Seems bizarre the Board exiled them." 

It certainly explained the stench, though Felix could smell the nearby sulphur too. 

"Hey!" a cheerful voice called as the lift hit the ground. "I gotta sign you in."

They walked forward to meet a young guard, tall with an eyepatch, who was beaming at them. 

"Don't think I've seen you around," the man said, energetically friendly. "That means you must be new to Stellar Bay. You _are_ new here, right?" 

"You seem surprised," the Captain smiled. 

"Well, yeah! You must've seen those UDL gunships on your way in. There's only three of 'em these days. Still, they tend to scare folk off."

"Takes more than that to scare me," she drawled, and Felix saw the man's face light up. "What are they doing out there?" 

"You may not have heard - you being new - but Stellar Bay hardly ever gets offworld traffic," he explained, clearly keen to share as much information as possible. "Us being cut off by the Board and all. Which means I never get to do this part. But I've been practicing! So here goes. On behalf of Monarch Stellar Industries, welcome to Stellar Bay, home of the freshest saltuna in Halcyon. Please state your name for the records."

"I prefer to travel discreetly, if you know what I mean."

"Aw, don't be like that," the man put on some powerful puppy eyes. "I never get to do this part! Please?" 

She laughed warmly. 

"Captain Jay," she dropped the Hawthorne link, and Felix relaxed a little. 

_Guess we're on safe ground._

"Swell, there's one for the logs!" beamed the guard. "I'm even gonna give you your own entry code. I'm not supposed to do that - it's against procedure - but Mr Sanjar isn't so strict about the rules here. Besides, I got a lot of empty entries to fill."

"You're not what I expected to find on Monarch," said the Captain sweetly, and the man grinned even wider. 

_Sigh._

"Oh, that'll just make Mr Sanjar's day if you tell him! The Board makes up lots of nasty stories about raptidons and cannibals and whatnot. But that's all outside our walls. Mostly."

"Did he just say raptidons and cannibals?" drawled Felix. "I can't wait." 

The Captain laughed. 

"So you're saying the Board's been lying about this place?" she asked the guard. 

"Oh, sure! They make Stellar Bay sound like a rotten place, but it's not so bad. Get a good breeze going, and the sulfur smell mostly covers up the fishy smell. Anyway, Mr Sanjar's got lots to say on that subject. Kinda goes over my head, though."

"Is Stellar Bay really that isolated?" 

"We don't get ship traffic in town. Only offworlders who do make it out here are SubLight - they got a base in Fallbrook. And thank the stars for them, or we would've run out of Rizzo's Purpleberry Crunch years ago."

_Damn man, don't hold any info back why don't you._

"Well, thank you…" Jay smiled at the man, "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?" 

"I'm Grimm," smiled the man, anything but. "Mr Sanjar'll be mighty pleased to meet you. If you see him over at headquarters, maaaybe you could tell him I did a bang-up job of welcoming you? Oh, and if you're headed that way, maybe you could do me a favour? 

"That depends," the Captain smirked a little. "What is it?" 

"I got this Rizzo's Rangers tossball poster coming in on the next SubLight shipment. Signed by the Black Hole himself! Only, I haven't heard anything in a while. You think you could check with Celia to see if it's come in?" 

_Holy SHIT._

"Who's the Black Hole?" she asked, curious. 

"Boss," Felix gasped, completely distracted from his previously rising irritation. "Come on! Black Hole Bertie. The Hole-meister. The Back-Attack."

Jay grinned at his enthusiasm. 

"That's Bertie Holcomb!" cried Grimm. "Only one of the greatest tossball hackers ever."

"Holcomb?" the Captain looked to Parvati. 

"I wonder if he's kin?" mused the engineer. "Dad had family that worked for Rizzo's. I never got to meet them." 

_Wait, THAT'S Par's name?!_

"Everyone's heard of him," Grimm enthused. "Even on Monarch, we still get some of the games. You been living in a sulfur pit or something?" 

Felix's eyebrows shot up, but Jay just barked a laugh. 

"But why's he called the Black Hole?" she asked. 

"On account of him being the best hacker who ever played! Nothing gets by him - he sucks up every ball that comes his way."

The Captain snickered. 

"Maybe word that differently," she smirked. 

"Well, Holcomb's had lots of nicknames over his career," the man continued, oblivious to her mirth. "Used to be the Tally Whacker on account of what he'd do to the score. Before that he was the Slick Stick 'cause his shots were always so smooth."

_Oh jeez. NOW I hear it._

"You're making this up!" 

"I swear I'm not!" Grimm had not caught on. "At the start of his career, people called him the Hack Boss, but no one thought that was very catchy."

"So is the poster valuable?" she asked. 

"I couldn't really say - I'm just a fan of the game. But the fancy collector types say the more people see these things, the less valuable they are. And I figure my poster's been passed around by more than a few people by now." 

"Well sure," Jay smiled at him. "If I see a Celia, I can ask about your poster." 

"Thanks a bunch!" Felix saw the now familiar look of adoration sweep over the man's face, and he tried to ignore it. "Celia works for Mr Sanjar in the MSI building, next to the bar. She's always there, so you can't miss her."

"He seems nice," said Parvati as they walked on. "And I agree, not what I was expectin'!" 

"Par," Felix couldn't hold it in anymore, "your name is Holcomb?!" 

"Well, yeah. You didn't know?" 

"NO! You gotta be related to the best hacker the league's ever seen!" 

"Huh, sure would be nice to find I have a cousin or something." 

He gaped at her. 

"Looks like this is the place," announced Jay, and he looked up at a sign that indicated they'd arrived at The Yacht Club. 

~~~

The building had no boats, but a whole lot of alcohol. It had to be maybe noon at the latest, and there were folk slumped over or drinking loudly all through the place. 

A tall figure standing at the bar was commanding attention, relating a hunting tale.

"… and the little bastard's slippery, right, on account of its blood. So it's- it's sliding. All over the place. Trying to crawl away."

"That's gotta be our guide," Jay murmured quietly, listening as the hunter finished her story of blood and guts. 

"Right," she spun round, face to face with the Captain. "What're you staring - wait - you ain't from around here. Who are you?" 

Felix smiled as her tone slid from indignant to friendly curiosity. 

"I'm Jay. Pleasure to meet you."

"Ooooh!" the hunter perked up. "A _charmer_. Don't get a lot of that around here. Folk mostly grump at me about how I should join the MSI payroll. Nice change of pace. Buy me a drink, will you?" 

"Sure. Another round, bartender!" 

" _Outstanding!_ What're you doing in Stellar Bay, stranger? 

"I'm told a fine hunter named Nyoka can help me find an information broker."

"Well. Well, well, well," Nyoka grinned widely. "Let's get down to brass nuts, then, shall we? Brass… wait, that ain't it. Brass rats? Let's- let's talk business. I'm headed back out there after I sober up. You want a guide sooner than that you'll have to get me a something to clear my head."

"Sure," the Captain nodded. "What do you need?" 

"Outstanding!" she repeated as Par giggled softly. "Our dispensary here maintains a stock of - well, I don't rightly know what they are. Steroid- or caffeine-somethings. Pills. They're… very good. I'm cut off for the month, on account of needing one just about every damn day, but I'm sure you've got your _wily_ ways. Fetch me one and we'll be all set."

"All right. I'll be back."

~~~

"What pills is she meaning, Jay?" 

"Just caffenoids, Par. A stimulant. Enough to sober you up quick, and I'm guessing coffee ain't a thing now." 

"We have tea," offered Felix, "though they say it's not the same. Although I'm guessing not much is." 

Jay huffed a laugh, as they walked past a building stinking of saltuna and... 

_Rapt musk? Ohh… ew._

"You can say that again. I kinda wish my taste buds had stayed frozen. Ah, this must be the dispensary." 

"Hello, dearie!" called the proprietor as they stepped into the building. "Why, I don't believe I've seen you before. And with _sweet_ cheeks like those, I'd remember. What can Auntie Abigail do for you?" 

_Yikes_. 

"I've been asked to pick up a caffenoid supplement," the Captain smiled. 

"And what a helpful young lady you are! Nothing like a little pill to _liven_ up the spirits. Who's your lucky 'friend,' dearie?" 

"I dunno, Auntie," winked Jay. "You'll have to pry that secret from my sweet little cheeks."

_Oh dear law._

"Aren't you a _saucy_ thing! I may not be a fresh young thing any more, but with age comes _experience_ , dearie."

_Well, this just turned extremely creepy._

The Captain hesitated, and Felix realised she was perhaps feeling a little out of her depth for once. He didn't blame her. 

"Maybe some other time, then," the woman leered. "When Auntie's _personal_ allotment of _Stimu_ -Lotion is restored-" 

_Oh, I hate ALL of this._

"-But I'd hate to send you away empty-handed. You were here for caffenoid, weren't you? Who's it for?" 

Jay sighed, and began the negotiations that she'd already realised weren't going to go her way. What she did subtly get though, was confirmation the meds were kept locked up on the property. 

As they stepped out of the building, the Captain shook herself with a noise of dislike. 

"Stroll up the street quiet-like," she murmured, "and don't mind when I catch up." 

She was gone in a flash, and Felix turned to Parvati as they walked slowly back towards the bar. 

"We gonna go tussle with some more raptidons? 'Cause I been practicing my drop-kick."

"Can you really kill 'em by kicking?" 

"Sure! Long as you kick them in the head." 

"Huh, it's hard enough aiming my hammer precise. I dunno how you do it with your feet." 

"There'll be plenty enough for both," grinned Jay, and Felix had to work hard to cover up the mini heart attack he was having. 

_That was ridiculously fast._

He saw Parvati giggling, and shook his head with a smile. 

"So what's the plan, boss?" he asked. "What is it we need a guide _to_?" 

"Originally, to see the information broker," she revealed. "Who apparently lives in the middle of nowhere. He owes Phineas a transmission of the location of the chemicals he needs to unfreeze people."

"Originally?" Par raised her eyebrows. 

"Mm. Ada confirmed once we landed that while ground waves are usable here, the high frequencies are completely jammed. Two sources: official broadcasts from MSI here in Stellar Bay, and some kind of philosophist output from elsewhere. I'd wager _that_ is why the information broker has gone silent."

"So we need to clear the air, and find the broker," Felix nodded. "Which no doubt won't be as easy as it should be."

"When is it ever?" 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's a Star by James
> 
> She's been in disguise forever  
> She's tried to disguise her stellar views  
> Much brighter than all this static  
> Now she's coming through
> 
> Don't tell her to turn down  
> Put on your shades if you can't see  
> Don't tell her to turn down  
> Turn up the flame
> 
> She's a star


	10. Misunderstood

"The charmer!" cried Nyoka. "Welcome back. Drink, chat, or business? All of the above?" 

With a flourish of her wrist, the Captain handed her a small bottle. 

"Your magic pills. These things are dangerous, you know."

"More or less dangerous than a steady supply of alcohol?" the hunter laughed, downing a pill and sobering up quicker than Felix had believed possible. 

Jay explained that they needed to speak to the information broker, and Nyoka broke down several routes they could take. 

"I guess I should go speak to this Sanjar guy first," the Captain mused, turning to the hunter. "You up for tagging along?" 

"Sure! I never miss an opportunity to wind him up."

"So, Nyoka," he asked, being friendly as they set out. "What's the ugliest thing you ever killed?" 

"Oh. I still have nightmares about this one. The fiercest, most foul creature I've ever faced. Just shy of seven feet tall. Breath like a sulfur pool. A little slow, but strong as a mountain. If I recall… his name was George? Gregory? Some G name. He and a band of pirates tried to ambush me and mine on the trail once."

"Wait. You're talking about a person?!" 

"Yeah. Poor guy. I think my bullets did his face a favour." 

Parvati started giggling as Nyoka grinned. 

~~~

Standing in a somewhat impressive grand office, the talk with Sanjar was giving Felix a fucking headache. The man was a suit, and sure he wasn't a Board suit but that didn't seem to stop him from wanting to crawl back to them, begging for crumbs. 

"If you're free of the other corporations," the Captain was saying, looking unimpressed, "why would you want to bring them back?" 

"'Cause he's scared to go it alone," Felix growled. "You need the Board to hold your hand and tell you everything's gonna be okay. Ain't that right?" 

"Surviving alone isn't as easy as it looks," Sanjar tutted. "Thanks to the so-called Hazard Clause, Monarch has been cut off from the Board's resources and protection for ten years now."

"'So-called' is right," spat Nyoka. "We've got our hazards, but we're still here, dammit. The Board took off without so much as a thought for the folks left behind."

"That's the Board's way," Felix shrugged. "Doesn't matter if you're Monarch or the Groundbreaker - if the Board can't control you, they'll find a way to punish you."

"We've kept ourselves in business by trading with individual corporations," explained Sanjar, unhappily, "but given the… off-the-books nature of those transactions, such arrangements are precarious." 

"Sounds like you're freer than anyone else in Halcyon," Jay pointed out, and Felix nodded, glad for at least one voice of reason. "Why not embrace it?" 

"You talk like Graham," said a young woman with a smile, entering the conversation. 

"Can't imagine why you'd sneer at the notion of a free colony," muttered Felix, not quite as quietly as he intended. "Could it be you're an agent of the establishment?" 

"Monarch's a free planet, Felix," sighed Nyoka. "It's also fucked. I ain't a fan of the folks on the Board, but if they could be wrangled to rebuild our roads, I'd welcome the help."

_Yeah, but they can't be._

"Your friend makes a good point, young man," Sanjar waved his hand. "I used to be young and idealistic, too. But you can't run a city on high-minded ideals."

Felix felt his headache getting worse, and dropped out of the conversation. The young woman, it turned out, was the Celia that Grimm had mentioned, and more than likely the brains behind Sanjar. She seemed nice enough, and despite his strong words Felix did have sympathy for their position. 

The only difference was, he _knew_ the Board wouldn't help them. And of course MSI wanting to show their corporate strength and placate the Board was precisely why they were flooding the radio with their adverts. To stop the adverts, and thus free the airwaves for the broker, Sanjar required help to ingratiate himself with the Board. 

_Fucking great._

Felix snapped back to the conversation suddenly. 

"I was starting to get bored listening to you, until you said the phrase 'extremely powerful ordinance'."

Parvati grinned at him, as Sanjar detailed what he needed retrieved, and the history of how he'd come to lead the remains of MSI after 'they' had saved the company. 

"Who are we talking about?" Jay's tone turned sharp. "You're being cagey." 

Sanjar blinked in surprise, taken aback. 

"But I was keeping my tone flat and maintaining eye contact!" he wailed. "You weren't supposed to notice I was avoiding the subject."

Felix smirked as the man revealed all - that he'd formerly been in league with this Graham that Celia had mentioned before. A cult leader of some kind was the description, his following named the Iconoclasts, though given it was a suit perspective, he could just as easily be a regular rebel leader of some persuasion.

_Either way, no doubt he's the other person jamming the airwaves._

He felt his temper flicker again as Jay passed on her praise of Grimm's welcome, and he struggled to push his unwanted jealousy back down. 

As Sanjar returned to his back office, the Captain leaned against a wall, taking a moment before deciding what to do next as Nyoka chatted with Celia. 

"Their first mistake was expecting the Board to cut them a fair deal," Felix muttered, glaring at the door Sanjar had disappeared through.

"They sound pretty desperate to get back with the Board now," she said softly. 

"Yeah, and once they go back to 'em, they'll own their dignity, too. The Board gave themselves the power to arrest an entire planet, and that planet still plans to go back. It's fucking obscene." 

"Well, I agree," she nodded, and he relaxed a little. "But like the man says, it's harder to hold fast to that when you're the one dealing with folks starving to death." 

"Yeah, I know," he sighed. "It's just… well, there ain't a good solution either way." 

"Not out of the ones they're looking at anyway. Looks like we're going to have to build our reputation with both MSI and this Graham person if we want the radio to go quiet." 

"Or just kill them both." 

Jay snorted a laugh and he grinned, happier for having made her smile. 

Sanjar crossed the room, fetching some files, and Celia called out to him asking for an advance.

Felix saw the Captain looking thoughtful, and she walked over once Sanjar had left. 

"Hey, Celia," she smiled. "Before I forget, Grimm asked me to check in about his tossball poster."

_I'm bein' ridiculous. Simmer down._

"You know, sending you is the first bright idea I've seen from that man," the woman laughed. "Because I told him to stop bothering me about it a week ago. I still don't know anything about it. But if you want to help him, Velma's the one to ask. She's in the warehouse. But I'll warn you, Grimm wore her patience thin a long time ago."

"Thank you," Jay said sincerely, and Celia lit up. "I couldn't help but overhear, you're having money issues?" 

"Not at all! Mr Nandi treats us alright and pays us well. I just spent most of my paycheck on raptidon acid." 

_Wait, what?_

"Do you... normally blow your money on raptidon parts?" the Captain looked confused. 

"Laws, no! Sometimes it's canid teeth. Or mantiswarm wings. Whatever Sebastian has in stock, really."

"And, uh, why are you buying so much from Sebastian?" 

"So I can talk to him, of course!" Felix saw Nyoka roll her eyes as Celia spoke all dreamy-like. "He doesn't get going about much else. Sort of the strong, silent type. Unfortunately my apartment's kind of filling up with this stuff. And some of the neighbours are complaining about the smell."

Jay blinked.

"Why not just ask him on a date?" 

"I couldn't!" gasped Celia. "What if he says no? Wait, hey, maybe you could ask him for me? I mean, a 'no' would still be bad, but it won't be quite as embarrassing if you ask."

_Yes, not at all weird. Nope._

Jay looked surprised, but after a nudge from Par, she smiled.

"Well, _now_ I'm curious - what do you see in Sebastian?" 

"He doesn't talk much, but he's got this… quiet intensity, you know?" Celia smiled dopily. "Like there's stuff going on inside his head that you have no idea about. Plus, he's got _great_ legs. It's hard to find a man who doesn't skimp on lower body exercises."

Felix looked down at his legs and heard Parvati snicker. 

"You really want to be with someone you can't talk to?" asked the Captain. 

"You think that's what I'm looking for? Aw, you're funny! Besides, a man with a good smile and a proportionate upper-to-lower body ratio isn't something to pass up."

_Wait, she WANTS someone who doesn't talk?_

"That's… all I need to know-" Jay laughed. 

_… it is?_

"-If I see him, I'll ask." 

"Thank you! I'll be waiting!" 

As the exited the building, Nyoka let loose a cackle. 

"Dang! She's got it _bad_." 

"Please tell me this boy is at least stupid cute," smirked Jay. 

"Cap, he is stupid _and_ cute." 

"That sounds about right!" 

"In fact… that's him over there." 

Felix swallowed his sigh as his crewmates all looked over, evaluating a very handsome and fit young man leaning against the wall. 

"I can see it," nodded Parvati. "He's real pretty." 

"So I guess now I'm asking out a guy for a grown woman," sighed Jay. "This town is _weird_." 

~~~

"Rapt musk and canid eyes, right here!" Sebastian called out as they approached. "Hello, miss. Can I interest you in a raptidon tongue? Or maybe some canid toenails? You look like a woman who's looking for some mostly-fresh animal parts."

_That's… not a great compliment, man._

"Sebastian!" cried Nyoka. "You ever get your hands on those pheromone sacs? Mantipillars ain't gonna hunt themselves, you know."

"I must've hunted a dozen, but I couldn't find a single sac on any of 'em. Must be looking in the wrong place."

Nyoka cackled, turning to the Captain. "Mantipillars ain't got pheromone sacs. I just told him that so's he'd stop asking me for advice."

_Oh, wow._

"Least I'm getting a good haul of claws in the process," the man grinned affably. "You're in good hands, travelling with Monarch's top merc. Still, if you want any rapt glands or manti claws, I've got you covered."

"Why would I want any of that?" asked Jay. 

"I dunno," Sebastian shrugged. "Celia usually buys whatever I have, and Mr Pickett seemed real interested, so I thought maybe I was onto something." 

"That's because she likes you." 

"Nice of you to say," he smiled, clueless. "I like her, too."

"I mean she _really_ likes you." 

"And I gotta admire anyone with her passion for canid hides. But you don't have to butter me up." 

"No, I mean she's interested in you. Romantically." 

"Waaaait, I see what's going on. She put you up to this so she could get a discount, hm?-" 

_Wow, Nyoka was not wrong._

"-Don't get me wrong. I'd like to give her a discount. She's a real fine lady. Always talks nice and slow so I understand. But if I give her one, I won't hardly make a bit. On account of no one else having any use for raptidon tongues."

Felix's eyes snapped to the Captain's hands behind her back for a second, as a strong tremble went through them. Jay gripped her hand around her other wrist, and it stopped. 

"She doesn't want a discount," Jay smiled, as if all was well. "She's attracted to you." 

"Nuh-uh," Sebastian scoffed. "Lot of people think I'm not too bright, but you're not fooling me. I know she can't get these goods anywhere else." 

"You think she needs the stuff she buys? She just wants an excuse to talk to you." 

"Come on, that's crazy. No one would do that." 

"Don't take my word for it. Spend some time with her - I promise she won't ask for a discount."

"Well… you _do_ sound pretty sure. And she is awful nice… Okay. I'll do it. Once her shift ends, we'll go someplace nice. Maybe to Chef Raymond's."

Jay beamed at him, and the man smiled back, clueless. 

~~~

"Have you talked to Sebastian yet? What did he say?" 

They'd barely stepped back in the office and Celia was fluttering around the Captain. 

"He said he'll go on a date with you," smiled Jay. 

"Okay, but how did he say it? Did he sound excited? Or like he was just..."

Felix tuned out, his attention fully on his Captain. She seemed okay, but he could see the tiredness in her eyes, and her hand kept drifting back to grip her wrist. 

~~~

"This place stinks of rapt musk," said Felix flatly, as they waited outside the warehouse for Jay.

"Oh good!" cheered a worker going past. "I got it to cover up the saltuna smell!" 

"And I'm _sure_ that's the only reason," drawled Nyoka. 

"You know it's working!" the man flexed, as she and Parvati laughed. 

Felix fidgeted on the spot, not happy at having to wait outside. He knew he was being ridiculous as there was clearly no danger in this town greater than Jay herself, but he was also quite sure he was the only one who picked up on the Captain's apparent weaknesses. At least it was their last stop for now.

_Maybe she'll get some sleep when we head back to the ship._

Parvati looked at him knowingly, and he averted his eyes, leaning against the wall with a sigh. 

Much to his annoyance, the engineer and Nyoka were busy discussing the relative handsomeness of both Sebastian and Grimm. It wasn't like he had any hangups over his own looks, from various sources he'd figured out he rated cute enough to make use of it. He had a somewhat gangly frame, his tallness usually seen as a positive, and more muscles than most guys he came across - box hauling and tossball combining to give him a pretty impressive physique. And he was fairly sure his legs counted just fine compared to the much celebrated Sebastian. But with his feelings for Jay in the mix, his nerves were quickly getting frayed. 

"Sebastian _is_ real pretty," mused Par. "I've not seen many boys like that." 

"You're more into ladies, right?" asked Nyoka. 

"I like all, though I don't like any that often, really. But I know pretty and handsome when I see it!" 

Par giggled, blushing slightly. 

"What about you, Felix?" asked the hunter. "Who do you find pretty?" 

_Welp_.

"Uh, pretty similar to Par actually," he offered, opting for a barrage of questions from the engineer later in favour of being further prodded right then. "Though I'd say I see it less often too." 

Parvati looked at him with interest. 

"Well, I definitely see it," Nyoka cackled. "I don't go for guys often, but if Sebastian was a mite older… oh the _things_ I would do to that man. I'm surprised the Captain wasn't interested." 

_Yep, I'm having a great time right now._

"Who, Jay?" Par looked confused. "Nah, he's surely not her type."

"I don't know that you need a type if you're _that_ charming. I'm betting Grimm fell for her as soon as you landed." 

_Just, the best time ever, really._

"His name is so funny! He does make an impression." 

"The eyepatch definitely helps," grinned Nyoka, "and he's got that puppy dog expression down." 

_Kill me now, please._

"Puppies _are_ real cute," mused Parvati. "The old Earth ones I mean. And he was so welcoming! We don't often get that kind of reception." 

"Mhm," Nyoka nodded. "Boy is a fool though. Mind, so is Sebastian. Why are the cute ones always so damn witless?" 

"Aww, that's a bit mean I'm sure." 

"I dunno girl, would you want to be with someone you couldn't talk to? Mind, as Celia demonstrated, a lot of folk _do_ like that." 

"They like someone they _can't_ talk to?" 

_Well at least that ain't Jay one bit._

"They like someone who doesn't talk!" Nyoka cackled. "It's hard living out here. Sometimes your mind needs a break as much as your body. And there's other uses for mouths." 

Felix snorted a laugh despite himself, and the women laughed as he flushed bright red. 

~~~

"Right," the Captain announced as she stepped out. "We've got a missing pescatological health manager, a-" 

"A what-now?" Nyoka scrunched her face in confusion. 

"Fish doctor," said Jay. 

"Ohhh, Braxton! He's probably just holed up, high as balls." 

"That's what Velma reckons," Jay nodded, "but we can swing by later. She's also got a strike needing sorted." 

"They're up on the Yacht's top floor," grinned Nyoka. "Drinking their last wages." 

"I'll speak with them when we're back out this evening then," mused Jay. "And as for Grimm's poster, he's been outbid." 

"Ain't he the one who ordered it?" Felix asked. 

"Yeah, but he didn't pay up front," she sighed. "So someone else offered more. A someone who runs a tossball betting shop?" 

"That'd be Nell," said Nyoka. "It's just 'round the corner if you want to go now?" 

"Sure, might as well. Just gimme a second to catch my breath." 

Felix smiled at Nyoka, pleased that their latest crew member was both helpful and of the non-prickly variety. At the same time, he wasn't happy the Captain was adding another thing to her list.

_Hopefully this doesn't take long._

"Hey, Cap," the hunter looked mischievous, "can I ask you a personal question?" 

"'Course." 

"What's your type?" 

"My type?" Jay looked confused. 

_Oh no no_

"I think she means," Parvati interjected, "like my type is all, but not very often-" 

"And mine is mostly women but the occasional man if he knows to keep his mouth shut," laughed Nyoka. 

Felix kept his mouth shut for other reasons. 

"Ohh, gotcha," the Captain smiled. "Well, I don't really have a particular type. I know when I know. I'm just fussy, I guess." 

_Well, that's something at least-_

"You musta had folks falling at your feet the way you move, Cap." 

"Eh," Jay shrugged.

Nyoka looked like she had more to say, but Par swooped in to distract her with a question about the local saltuna stock instead. The Captain seemed perfectly calm, but Felix could see a sadness that had passed over her eyes.

_Any people she had past relationships with will be long dead. And beyond getting information and what not, she hasn't really flirted with anyone. Although, maybe… no, that's wishful thinking._

~~~

"Ooh, you're the new face!" beamed the presumable Nell. "Wow, you must be up on all the latest tossball games. So who do you follow? Wait, don't tell me. You look like a Hammersmith Thunder fan! No, Glacial Age Mammoths."

Jay huffed a laugh. 

"Well, I hear the Rizzo Rangers are where it's at, but they all seem pretty great." 

Felix beamed ear to ear. 

"Aren't they just!" enthused Nell. "When I get to worrying about the marauders outside, the raptidons chewing at the walls, I just turn my transceiver up to drown it all out! Most of the time it's static on account of the frequency being clogged up. But sometimes, it's tossball! 

"You get to listen to games all day?" Felix was a little taken aback. "Stellar Bay really _is_ paradise."

"It's pretty swell," she babbled, "but it's a whole lot better with company. Say, I don't think I've seen you before. And I'd remember that face."

"I'll try not to be a stranger, then," he smiled. "Name's Felix, by the way."

"You should stop by more often," she nodded. "The games are always better when you've got someone to celebrate with."

"Sounds like a good time," he said, a little distracted by the screens flickering on the walls. "I wouldn't mind bringing a couple drinks and settling in for the pennant match."

"Look at me, getting carried away again," the woman apologised, and he glanced over to see she was speaking to the Captain again. "So, what can I do for you?" 

"Velma tells me you outbid Grimm for a signed tossball poster," Jay's voice came out a little flat, and his eyes flicked to her still-empty wrist. 

"Signed by the Black Hole himself!" Nell grinned. "There's no way I could pass that up. Why, did you want to see it? I don't have it yet. I'm waiting on a few customers to pay up before I can give Velma the bits."

"Could I trade you for it?" 

_She sounds beyond exhausted now, we need to get back after this no matter what._

"I don't know," the woman hesitated. "This isn't just some poster, it's a genuine tossball artifact! The Black Hole doesn't even sign things anymore, he just puts a stamp on 'em. Course, the only reason I asked Velma about it in the first place was because those SubLight fellas lost my shipment of official tossball jerseys. I was gonna line the walls with 'em. They're the new ones, now with authentic game-time aroma! Anyway, I guess they tried to take a shortcut around Amber Heights and ran into some trouble. Can't blame 'em for trying, those Iconoclasts never shut up. But they lost a bunch of cargo, including my jerseys. If you could get those for me… I might let Grimm have that poster."

Felix boggled slightly at the amount of words that just came out of one person. 

"I'll see what I can do," Jay gave a weak smile as she left. 

"Time to head back, Jay?" asked Parvati, and they set off home, the Captain uncharacteristically quiet. 

~~~

Ellie entered the kitchen and sat down with a sigh. 

"Cap's knocked out for a few hours," she said, unhappily. "I don't know why she keeps tryna live without sleep." 

"If you'd been forcibly asleep for seventy years you'd probably find it difficult too," the vicar spoke without looking up from his book. 

_Huh. I hadn't thought of it like that. Shit, I'd never want to be unconscious again._

"Good point," Ellie admitted with a small smile. 

"How'd she find you all anyway?" asked Nyoka with a drawl. "Pardon my saying, but you ain't like any other crew I've seen." 

She huffed a laugh as four offended faces glared at her. 

"I mean on account of you all being _competent_ , dumbasses." 

Parvati giggled. 

"Jay picked me up in Edgewater. I was the town mechanic. She ran the mayor outta town, put rebels in charge with their crop-growing ways, and I look after this ol' girl now." 

"I was the vicar in the same town," Max offered. "But I was there looking for a particular item that the Captain assisted with. She's still helping me with that task, and I assist her in return. It is mutually beneficial."

"Cap paid off a debt of a person I owed a debt to," Ellie shrugged. "So now I owe her. Being a medic and a pirate makes up for my personality." 

Max snorted a laugh. 

"What about you?" Nyoka turned to Felix. 

"I came on from the Groundbreaker, same as Ellie. I, uh, asked?" 

Nyoka laughed. 

"Outstanding!" 

~~~

The crew had been getting on better over the last week, but the addition of Nyoka seemed to gel everything together a bit more smooth. She was loud and affable, and far smarter than she'd admit.

It was comforting somehow, hearing her crash about, and Felix tried to get some rest himself. He couldn't stop worrying about his sleeping Captain, frustrated that she didn't seem to be able to care for herself as much as she did for her crew. She was holding on to a lot of sadness that she hid pretty well, and while he'd seen Parvati, Max, and hell, even Ellie go to her for personal advice, she never sought any out for herself. 

Welles should have been a support, but Jay seemed as wilfully distant from him as the scientist was to her. Felix was pretty sure that she believed herself to be no more than Welles' greatest experiment, and he wasn't sure she was wrong about the scientist's perspective.

He'd tried to read up on Earth stuff, hopeful of finding guidance but that history was so vast - not to mention skewed by the Board - it was near impenetrable. And he knew the one thing that was most likely to help her, to just be willing to get closer to her and be a more personal support, was the one thing he was terrified of. If he could just see her as a friend, he'd be a far better one. But with his feelings a mess, he wasn't sure he could manage keeping them hidden if he got closer… or handle that level of rejection if he couldn't. Not without losing his ship. His family. And her. 

He attempted, and failed, to fall asleep. 

~~~

"Hey, Felix," Parvati smiled as he opened his room door for her. "Can I come in?" 

"'Course." 

He sat back down on his chair, picking the boot he was cleaning back up. The engineer perched on his bed looking a little awkward.

"Whats up, Par?" he smiled, trying to set her at ease. 

"I was wondering, only it's kind of a personal question…" 

"It's cool. Fire away." 

"Y'know earlier, when Nyoka asked you your type-" 

_Hah, knew it._

"-and you said you were similar to me but you see it less often too? It being, I guess if people are pretty or handsome. I was just wonderin' what you meant. Of either part." 

"Sure. Well, I said I was similar to you in that I don't really have a type or general preference. Least not one I've recognised. And I kinda don't look for one? But when I do feel attracted to someone, it's all kinds of intense. I think for me it's maybe more about who the person is, than what they look like."

"I can understand that," the engineer nodded. "I mean, I definitely don't want to date anyone based just on how they look. But I guess I still enjoy looking at pretty and handsome people."

She blushed slightly and Felix grinned. 

"I can tell if someone is pretty, if I'm asked" he explained, "But I guess it's just not something I pay much mind to, unless I become attracted to that person."

"So, you're not like me in regards to…" she hesitated, a little uncomfortable. 

"Physical stuff?" he asked, and she nodded in relief. "No, I'm not the same that way. If I'm attracted to someone that's definitely all there. I guess it's just the attraction part itself that is rarer. And it sucks because-" 

He scrunched his face up, thinking hard as he put his boots back on. 

"-that kind of relationship is something I'd love to have. That closeness? But I've never been able to find it. Sometimes I've trusted too much and got real hurt. Other times I couldn't trust enough to really be close." 

"It sounds like you have a big heart," she smiled, "and you know you gotta be careful who you give it to." 

"That's a nice way of looking at it. The only trouble is that now I know when I am genuinely close to someone, a person I really trust… Well, it's not a case of _just_ being attracted to them."

"It's a case of really falling for them?" she asked softly, and he nodded.

The sadness on her face reflected his own feelings a little too painfully, and he jumped to his feet. 

"Anyway, I'd guess folks are about ready to head out, huh? We should go catch them." 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood by The Animals
> 
> Baby, sometimes I'm so carefree  
> With a joy that's hard to hide
> 
> I'm just a soul whose intentions are good  
> Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood


	11. Fearless

"What are we doing, boss?" 

Felix grinned as they entered the kitchen where the others were getting ready.

"Going drinking," replied the Captain, grumpily, not looking up. "Not that that's _my_ order." 

"Doctor's orders, surely," beamed Nyoka, as Ellie cackled. 

"Everyone needs time off, Cap," said the doctor cheerfully, and Par nodded enthusiastically. 

"We are going to The Yacht Club," said Max, pausing on his way down to the exit. "Probably won't need the grenade launcher." 

Felix huffed a laugh, and grabbed his things.

~~~

He was slightly drunk, and extremely unhappy. Jay had cleared the upper balcony of the bar for them, having somehow found time to end the strike when she was supposed to be resting, and it _should_ have been a fun evening.

Unfortunately, Nell, the woman from the betting shop, had appeared, and Felix was trapped. He knew Jay still wanted to get Grimm's poster for him, so he had to be nice to Nell. But she'd slowly isolated him from his group, not on purpose, but from sheer enthusiasm about tossball.

He wanted to be at his Captain's side, not least because she seemed completely out of sorts. The first few times she hadn't met his eyes he could explain away, but it now felt distinctly like she was avoiding him _and_ that he'd upset her, and it was making him ill with worry.

Felix had wracked his brains for what he'd done wrong, and the only thing he could think of was that she'd figured out his feelings for her. And if that was the case, and _this_ was how she reacted...

_Maybe Nyoka saw how I looked at her and mentioned it, not realising... Fuck. Why wasn't I more careful?!_

He closed his eyes, trying to swallow his emotions, and when he opened them again, Nell's face was way too close to his. He downed his drink and stood up suddenly, making an excuse to go to the loo-

 _Dammit_. 

-toilet, and as he crossed the balcony he heard Nell following him. He sped up, not stopping til he got to the bathroom downstairs and slammed the door behind him. He splashed some cold water on his face, feeling like a jerk for walking out on someone just being friendly, but he was consumed by panic over what Jay had found out.

He needed to talk to her, to play himself down, to apologise if needs be. Anything to get things back on track, and not break up the team. The idea of losing the ship… of losing _her_ … 

_I'm such an idiot, dreaming about getting anything more from her than I already do. Please, please don't let me have ruined this._

Felix exhaled heavily. He'd waited long enough, and when he opened the door, there was no sign of Nell. _That_ at least he could clear up later, and apologise for. He walked along the corridor, ready to cross the bar and get to the stairs, back to-

_No no NO-_

He froze in his tracks, seeing Jay at the main bar, leaning in close to a handsome stranger who was smirking at her. The guy had his arm snaked round her waist, holding her, and as he moved closer-

Jay's eyes drifted, and as she met Felix's gaze her eyes widened in shock. Felix felt a sharp pain lance through his whole body, and he couldn't think, his brain was all roaring noise, and he was out the door, running down the street to the landing pad lift. 

"Felix!" 

He heard her yelling behind him, but he kept going, reaching the lift with a gasp and hitting the button that started raising it up. There was a flash in the corner of his eye, and she was on the platform, breathing hard. 

"Please-" 

He leapt up onto the landing pad, only to falter halfway between his ship… _her_ ship, and his Captain. 

"Please, don't run when I've been drinking," she quipped softly, trying for a joke that didn't quite land, and he still couldn't turn to face her. 

"Felix," her voice caught slightly, and with a start he realised she sounded real upset. " _Please_. Don't run from me." 

He turned slowly, pushing his hand through his hair in agitation, and saw that instead of the anger he expected, she looked panicked. 

_I- I don't know how to make this better. How to make it stop-_

"That guy," she began, "he wasn't-" 

"You don't owe me any explanation, boss," Felix was surprised at the flatness of his own voice as he interrupted. 

"Yeah, I do," she insisted, wringing her hands. "It's just- I'm your Captain, and I can't… It wouldn't be right, I'd feel- I couldn't say, because, but…" 

Jay pinched the bridge of her nose, completely flustered unlike he'd ever seen her before. He was frozen in place, wishing he could make himself disappear like she could. Her discomfort was obvious, and although she wasn't making sense, he knew he was the cause of her being upset - either because she knew how he felt, or because of his complete overreaction at seeing her finally enjoying herself which amounted to the same- 

"I thought you'd left with Nell," she said in a small voice, and his mouth fell open in surprise. 

"With-? Why would I leave with _Nell?_ " 

She'd dropped her gaze, not looking at him again, and when she spoke he heard her voice breaking a little. 

"You two were flirting this afternoon, and then you spent all evening with her, and when you both left... I _wanted_ to be happy for you, but I had thought maybe we…"

_Wait, she's been upset because she thought-_

"-I should have spoken to you, Felix, told you how much I like you. But I couldn't stand the thought you might feel pressured because of my position. I know how much your ship coming in meant to you, and then I thought I'd messed up, and you and Nell were together- but then I saw you standing there, all hurt, and I…" 

She was wringing her hands again as she spoke, meeting his eyes with a look so vulnerable his heart skipped, and as her words slammed into place, his thoughts were utterly upended. 

_She… thought me and Nell-? She likes me? She was upset because she thought I WASN'T interested in her?_

_She- she likes-_

Felix strode across the platform, the doubts from his mind blasted away, and as her face lit up, any lingering hesitation and timidity was swept to one side. He crushed his lips against hers and kissed her, like he'd spent every night aboard the ship dreaming of. His hand tilted her chin, and her lips parted as he deepened the kiss, tasting alcohol and sweetness and _her_ , his arm wrapped around her as he felt her fingers push through his hair, holding on to him tight. 

_Holy shit._

He could feel her pulse hammering in her chest pressed flush against him, his own heart doing somersaults as she kissed him fiercely, and he didn't want this to end but, reluctantly, he was running out of breath. As he broke the kiss, he kept holding her, her hands still behind his neck, her fingers in his hair, not letting go, and she let out a shaky gasp.

"... _wow_ ," she breathed, and he huffed a laugh. 

"No one's ever said that before," he murmured, smiling dopily. "Though truthfully, nobody's ever kissed me breathless before." 

Jay laughed, warmly, her nose crinkling, and she pulled him into another kiss, softer this time, showing him the feelings she'd struggled to put into words. He stroked her cheek tenderly as they kissed, his heart fluttering, and as she lifted on her tiptoes to stop him stooping quite so much, he realised he was feeling a little giddy. 

"You _like_ me," he managed as she pulled back, still not quite believing it. "You like _me_." 

"I didn't want to mess up our friendship, or the crew… and I kinda thought you liked me too, but…" 

"You thought I'd agree just because you're the Captain?" his tone was teasing, just a little, and she blushed. 

"You mean a lot to me, Fel'," she said softly. "I didn't want to lose you. Or have you think I didn't value your friendship alone. But then, when I thought you'd maybe found someone else-"

"There's no one else, Jay." 

She kissed him a touch wildly, chasing his tongue with hers as she pressed firmly against him, and he started to feel lightheaded, all the blood in his body rushing south. He growled quietly, his hands caressing her curves, as her nails dug into the back of his neck a little, making him buck into her. 

Jay broke the kiss with a little gasp, her eyes blown, and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the ship and home. She answered Ada's greeting as they boarded, ordering the almost-certainly sentient computer to put her cabin in privacy mode, and no sooner had they got through her door, than her lips were back on his as she pinned him against the wall. 

_Holy FUCK-_

Felix didn't know how far they were going, and honestly didn't care, as happy to kiss for hours as he was to reenact any of the other fantasies that had tormented him for nights on end. He felt like his heart was floating, all the worry and stress he'd been shouldering lifted in that first kiss, but as she guided him across the room, crashing them onto the bed, he deliberately lessened the pace, kissing her long and slow as she melted beneath him.

He pulled back, shifting his weight so he didn't crush her from above, and she smiled up at him, stroking his cheek.

"Don't wanna rush, boss," he said softly, and she huffed a laugh. 

"I'm not sure calling me boss is quite right," she smirked, and he grinned. 

"But I ain't ever called anyone else that," he revealed, and her eyes widened a little. "Not even on pain of being fired. You're the only boss." 

"Really?" 

He nodded, giving her his best charming grin and she smirked. 

"You know you called me boss the very first time we spoke…" 

"Yeah, 'cause I knew you were _my_ boss." 

She looked a little disbelieving, and he kissed her nose, making her smile.

"I knew you were special real quick, Jay. But I didn't know just how right I was until I got to know you. I- I haven't spent a single night on this ship not thinking about kissing you." 

He swallowed hard, knowing he was laying everything out, and she bit her lip as she looked at him.

"I…" her words got stuck, and she pulled him into another kiss, soft and slow and sensual.

She put everything in her kisses, the depth of her emotions, and his heart flipped as her fingers started undoing the fastenings of his clothes. He realised with a rush of happiness that the Captain's charm, so easily flashed on those she _didn't_ romance, wasn't something she'd ever used on him. Everything with him had been genuine, from her warm laughs and cheeky winks, to the crinkling of her nose that stopped his heart, the little blushes when she caught him looking, and the way she now kissed her feelings into him when her words failed her. 

Felix let her control the pace, matching her happily, and when his fingers traced under her now open top, fluttering across her bare skin, she made a happy noise that sent fire through his veins. He sat up, removing his shirts, helping her remove hers, and her hands caressed the muscles in his arms appreciatively as he lowered himself back down, his eyes roving across her body, taking in his new favourite view.

She quirked an eyebrow at him, and he grinned sheepishly.

"Stars, you are beautiful," his voice came out gravelly, and he felt a shiver go through her as her eyes darkened. 

He kissed into her neck, using his teeth slightly and she gave a breathy moan, her fingers tangling back in his hair. His hand danced down her skin, ghosting across her stomach and back up to palm her breasts, and she arched into his touch.

" _Fuck_ , Felix-" 

Jay pulled him back into a hot kiss, and he moved his weight more above her, pinning her harder to the bed, trying his best not to groan as she strained to writhe against him, desperate to feel more-

"Don't go quiet on me _now_ ," she broke the kiss, murmuring cheekily, and he chuckled. 

"You're the boss." 

He kissed down her throat and on to her chest, groaning his enjoyment as he took his time, lavishing her with attention, and he kept gradually shifting backwards, running his tongue down her body, pausing at the waistband of her trousers, waiting on permission, or to be called back for more kisses. 

" _Please_ ," she asked softly, and he gave her a wolfish grin, placing kisses on every inch of revealed skin as he finished undressing her.

Felix was not inexperienced, but the Groundbreaker hadn't exactly been great dating grounds. Of the times he allowed himself to remember, he'd played dumb when needed, quickly realising that his wit and intelligence were at best unwanted and at worst plain dangerous to display. There hadn't been anyone he could be his full self with, nobody he could totally trust. Sex, he knew, but this… something that made his heart hammer inside his chest, something where his feelings were bare and honest, something that was everything he wanted, where he was safe - _this_ was new. 

_And with Jay being from Earth, from having that many people to choose from-_

He snapped off that line of thought. The way she looked at him was more than enough. And here, right now, he knew her better than anyone. He saw and heard her more than anybody else. He made her smile when no one else could. And he was already making her gasp and moan beneath him. 

He kissed back up her legs, his hands gently massaging her tired body, and he experimented with soft bites and licks here and there on her inner thighs, as he held her in place with one strong hand. She was gorgeous beneath him, and he took his sweet time, listening to her body, loving how excited his teasing made her, and as he finally got closer, he made eye contact right before licking against where she wanted him so badly.

She made a strangled noise, trying to stay quiet, and as he pulled away, she hissed in displeasure, making him chuckle. 

"I wanna hear you too, Jay," he growled his voice, and fuck if he didn't feel her get more wet.

Felix tore back into her, circling his tongue mercilessly as she moaned loudly, her hand grabbing at the sheet as her thighs clenched. Any time her breath stuttered, he kept going, working out exactly what had her make the most delicious noises, what patterns had her lifting off the bed, and when she ran her fingers into his hair, directing him more firmly, he growled his appreciation. 

"God, sweetheart, you're _so_ good…"

He shuddered against her, basking in her praise, still not something he was remotely used to. 

He ran his finger gently against her, and when she almost sobbed at that alone, he carefully entered her, and took his time again, working out what pattern, position, speed she couldn't get enough of. When he pressed upwards slightly as he moved, she swore with such enthusiasm he got harder himself, and he felt her start to pulse around his finger. He added another, and her whole body tightened as he narrowed the path of his tongue above.

"Fuck, _yes_ , Fel'- don't stop…!" 

She was trembling and tense beneath him, and he increased the pressure of his tongue and fingers, moaning himself at the taste of _her_ flooding his mouth and the incredible feeling of her hand tight in his hair, and as she drew up tighter and tighter, suddenly she snapped, like a huge release, pouring curses, praise and his name from her lips as her body sang beneath him. He gentled his movements slowly, realising quick that she'd become oversensitive, and he licked his lips as he grinned up at her, feeling mighty proud of himself. 

Jay giggled at his expression, guiding him up and kissing him, and he moaned knowing she was tasting herself on his tongue. Her heart was thundering against his chest, and when her hands worked down his front to find his belt, he slowed her down again, intent on not rushing her. Felix brushed his nose against hers, making her laugh softly, and he pulled back with a smile.

"I love hearing you laugh." 

"You spend a lot of time making sure I do," she said softly, and he grinned.

"That's me - Felix Millstone, heavy support and targeted clownery for hire." 

She chuckled and he beamed at her, kissing her softly as she wrapped her arms around him, caressing his back. 

"No longer for hire," she winked, and he swallowed hard.

"Yeah? Reckon I've found a permanent position, maybe…?" 

"Definitely," she said firmly, and his heart soared. "My apologies to anyone else, but I'm keeping you."

" _Good_ ," he murmured, hesitating slightly. "Does that mean I get to keep you too?"

"Definitely," she repeated with a smile, her nose crinkling. 

Felix kissed her deeply, trying not to grind against her as he did, her fingers trailing round his shoulders and down his arms, digging her nails in slightly and making him moan. She lightly nipped at his lip and he growled, feeling her whole body respond immediately. With difficulty he pulled back, struggling to hold on to his control, and seeing her eyes burning at him, her mussed hair and kissed lips, he was pretty sure he was fast running out of willpower. 

"You really are so beautiful, y'know," he murmured. 

"You're not so bad yourself," she smirked cheekily, and he chuckled. 

"Not bad? I'll take it, boss." 

"Mm, I'm not so sure you're remembering who's in charge though…"

And he had a cheeky line ready, he absolutely did, but as her hand found where he was firmly pressed hot and heavy against her, his words were lost in a gasp as she stroked him through his annoyingly present clothes.

"Undress for me, Fel'," she commanded, and his body obeyed before his brain had even remotely caught up. 

Jay took him in hand before he'd even finished, and as pleasure shot through him he huffed a noise between growl and laugh as he finally kicked every item of clothing off. He crashed back on top of her, kissing her wildly as he bucked into her hand, groaning against her tongue. Her grip was wicked, teasing, and he had to break the kiss, his breath stuttering.

" _Fuck_ , Jay- I, fuck, need… _damnit_ -" 

She kissed him softly, letting go and slowing them back down so he could think straight despite now being pressed right against where his own fingers had been, _feeling_ her slick against him as she hooked a leg around him, and he rested his forehead against hers, breathing heavy as a delayed realisation slammed into his brain.

Ellie had made a song and dance about testing every crew member for every such thing, and had turned them into damn spikeballs with all the shots they got, so he knew they were fine in that regard. But… 

" _Shit_ ," he sighed, tensing and lifting off her a little. "I don't have any protection. But, I am _more_ than happy to repeat my last performance, or kiss for hours, or preferably both." 

She huffed a laugh, kissing him on the nose. 

"I'm sorted on that front. Not to derail your plans or anything, but maybe we can circle back to them." 

"You're the boss," he grinned, relaxing his body against hers again, delighted as she moved her hips against him.

She kissed up his neck and murmured softly into his ear.

"Fel'?"

"Mhm?"

"Want you inside me." 

" _Fuck_."

"That too." 

He snorted a laugh, and she grinned at him.

"Go slow tho', you're fucking huge."

"You say the _nicest_ things, boss," he growled, with the very last of his control. 

Jay kissed him slowly, deeply as he entered her as gently as he could, and the incredible heat of her sent his body tingling as he groaned into her mouth. Her nails dug into his back as she broke their kiss with a gasp, and he was ready to pause, but-

" _God_ , you feel so fuckin' good…" 

His breath stuttered at her words, and he kept going, the pleasure ripping through him as he panted his adoration of her, mouthing at her neck as her body arched into him. There was no way in hell he was going to go fast, not only to avoid hurting her but he was pretty sure it might kill him, and as he growled his appreciation, her wetness and tightness had him barely coherent.

Felix kissed her hard as he finally bottomed out, moaning into her mouth as her nails scratched down his back, marking him as hers, and as he gave a short thrust he broke the kiss with a loud swear.

"Fucking _fuck_ …" 

She huffed a laugh, and he chuckled into her neck, his sweat starting to drip just from being trapped between his body screaming at him to move and not wanting this to be over too damn quick. 

"Don't need to rush, sweetheart," she murmured, and he pressed kisses across her face, chasing the crinkles of her smile, as his heart thudded at her repeated term of endearment. 

He trailed his fingers back down her body between them, and started circling his fingertips gently in similar patterns to the ones she'd loved best before. This time be could feel her immediate reaction in every way, as she trembled beneath him, and pulsed around him, and he moaned softly as she kissed him fiercely.

He rocked his hips, gradually increasing how far he was pulling out on each thrust, and her moans turned into whimpers that had him wanting to fuck her harder and harder. He fought against speed as much as he could, not wanting this to end, until he was fucking her slow and deep, his fingers moving in time as she tightened around him, breathing his name and mewling her pleasure. 

She was absolutely _everything_ , his senses were completely blissed out as he lost himself utterly inside her, and as her head tipped back with a gasp, her body clenching harder around him, he pressed his fingers more firmly, snapping his hips faster, and felt her climax _hard_ as she practically screamed his name. 

Felix desperately tried to slow down, sure otherwise it'd be too much for her, but she pulled his forehead against hers, tilted her hips to take him even fucking deeper, and commanded him with a wrecked voice that he couldn't disobey. 

"Come for me, Fel'. Wanna feel you come inside me." 

" _Fuck_ -" 

He bucked into her aggressively, slamming home, and as she licked into his neck, he groaned loudly, fucking her harder than he had ever intended, suddenly feeling her teeth as she bit down on him ferally and he broke entirely. 

" _Jay!_ "

His vision whitened out, stars exploding, as his body jerked and trembled and he breathed her name over and over again. He could feel her fingers in his hair, soothing him softly, her whole body still wrapped around him, and when he opened his eyes, he saw her green eyes gazing at him with the same adoring look he'd seen so many give her. 

He kissed her, not wanting to ever leave this moment, and she melted into his long slow kisses, still stroking through his hair. When he eventually pulled back, she kissed his nose with a smile, and he beamed at her.

"I should probably stop squishing you, huh?" 

"Only for now," she smiled and his heart flipped happily.

Felix pulled out with a small gasp, lifting himself off her and as she started trying to clean up, still trembling, he swiftly took over, putting on his best Sam voice. 

"Contaminant level: uuuuuutterly _filthy!_ " 

Jay snorted a laugh, whacking him lightly on the shoulder and he grinned. Finished, he lay back on the bed as she pulled her sheets and soft blanket up and over them. 

"So, boss," he drawled. "Do you still wanna keep me on, permanent-like?" 

She laughed warmly, curling up in his arms, her head on his chest, making his heart flutter. 

"Consider yourself promoted." 

"I think I'm still in shock," he quipped, only half joking. "Do I get a shiny new job title?"

She chuckled against him, her fingers lazily stroking his neck. 

"Hm," he heard her hesitate slightly, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead, "how does 'boyfriend' sound?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Mhm." 

" _Fuck, yes_. I'll take it. No raise required."

She giggled happily as his heart raced beneath her, and he squeezed her tight. 

"How far d'you think noises on this ship carry?" he mused. "A question I pose for no particular reason." 

"Oh, of course," he could hear the smile in her voice. "Well, in fact they don't travel from _this_ cabin at all. Privacy mode also makes it soundproof."

"I knew sleeping with the Captain would have benefits." 

She poked his chest, making him chuckle. 

"I don't think anyone's back yet anyway," she purred a little beneath his touch as he stroked her shoulder. "Not given the price of alcohol round here." 

"Hah, if they try to keep up with Nyoka they may not make it back this week, boss." 

He could feel her getting sleepy against him, and figured now was the time to be rid of any lingering doubts.

"Can I ask you something?"

"'Course."

"The guy in the bar…" 

"Just some bounty hunter passing through." 

"Would you have…" he hesitated. "I mean, if you hadn't seen me…" 

_I don't know that I want to know. Except I do._

"No," she shook her head, and he relaxed in relief. "I was looking for a distraction from how awful I felt, but I didn't actually _want_ one. I mean, I'm not naive. I'm aware the effect I can have on people. If that's what I wanted, it wouldn't be much effort."

"I did kinda wonder about that," he admitted. "I mean, I know it's tactics and politics. I get it. But feelin' jealous is how I knew I was falling in big trouble."

"You needn't ever feel jealous, Felix," she lifted herself on her side, and looked at him seriously as she spoke softly. "Which I realise is a bit rich of me to say, given I was jealous today. But I _really_ care about you. You made me smile, in a world that made barely any sense, when I felt totally alone. You never hid your smarts or your insight when it was just us, which made me feel like maybe I really was special. And you kept making me happy… happier than I've ever been. I love this whole crew, but without you I'd have lost myself." 

He entangled his fingers with hers, holding her hand tight as he tried to find his words, heavy emotions pushing down on him. His eyes fluttered shut as she kissed him, and he deepened the kiss, giving up on holding his emotions back. When she pulled back with a sleepy smile, she kissed a stray tear away, and he rolled on to his side, encouraging her to cuddle back against him, her back pressed against his chest where his heart was still thundering, as his arms held her safe.

"Just so you know, Jay," he murmured softly, "in case you didn't already - I'm only yours."

"And I'm only yours, Fel'."

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fearless by Goo Goo Dolls
> 
> I'm gonna be fearless, fearless  
> I'm brave enough to feel this, feel this  
> I'm running down my demons, demons  
> No doubts around it  
> I finally found it


	12. A Beautiful Morning

Felix woke, unsure where he was in the dark, til he realised the whimpering that had woken him was coming from Jay, and the events of earlier that night pinged into his brain. She'd moved further away in her sleep, and her body was rigidly tense and trembling, much like when she had the occasional episodes he'd witnessed.

He moved back behind her slowly, reaching his arms around her again, stroking her body gently as he made a soothing noise. She felt cold as ice, and he wrapped himself around her, murmuring against the back of her neck as she gradually quietened without waking. He kept humming soft reassurance, not sure the words as much as his voice seemed to be helping, and her body ever so slowly relaxed in his arms as her breathing deepened and her body warmed. 

He'd known she had trouble sleeping, long before Ellie had confirmed it, and he wasn't sure how much was down to the hibernation side-effects, and how much was down to the pressure she was putting on herself to help save hundreds of thousands of lives and an entire colony. The Captain had tried to keep all her weaknesses secret, not wanting to burden her crew, but he'd seen her getting more and more tired the longer he'd been on board.

Felix couldn't imagine that sleeping alone, on a ship amongst the stars, felt very comfortable after awakening from seventy years of over-hibernation on a lost colony ship. It wasn't something he could help with before, not when he was all in a mess about his feelings. But maybe now, at least, just being there while she slept might help, even a little.

He blinked in surprise as she made a cute noise, like a happy little sigh, cuddling his arm against her, and he fell asleep still smiling as he held her. 

~~~

There was a gasp beside him, and he startled awake, feeling Jay already relax again in his arms, her breathing slightly ragged. 

"You awake?" Felix murmured, softly.

"Mm... Did I wake you?" 

"Not much," he squeezed her gently, reassuringly.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." 

He kissed the back of her neck and nuzzled into her insistently, until she turned in his arms with a huff of laughter.

_So damn gorgeous._

"Got a report for you, boss."

She smiled, her nose crinkling. 

"Go for it."

"Item one: helping you relax and smile is my favourite thing to do. Item two: sleeping with you in my arms is more than I ever dreamed of. And, item three: you calling me sweetheart makes me the happiest I have ever been." 

He'd never seen her smile so wide, and she threw her arms around him, cuddling into him tight as he wheezed a laugh. 

"You really are the sweetest," her voice caught a little, and he stroked her back gently.

"I mean, I _do_ consume a lot of sugar." 

She snorted against him, and he grinned.

"I like it when you call me Fel' too," he added. "That one's reserved just for you." 

"Aww," she met his gaze with a twinkle in her eye. "Well, if you insist, I suppose I'll let Max call you sweetheart too." 

He barked a laugh. 

"Correction - _both_ of those are reserved for you." 

Jay kissed him softly, and he felt deliciously warm as she slowly wrapped around him, the rest of the world falling entirely away. 

"I like it when you use my name," she smiled. "And I'm not that opposed to 'boss'. Only from you though."

"Maybe I'll call you everything," Felix mused, and as she quirked an eyebrow he grinned cheekily. "Beautiful, gorgeous, boss, darlin', hot stuff, captain, sexy, my entire fucking world, cutie, star-" 

He chuckled at how much she'd blushed, and he decided to be brave. 

"-I kinda like the sound of 'love' too." 

"Oh you do?" her eyes sparkled as her fingers played with the back of his hair.

"Mhm. And cuddly-wuddly-foo-foo." 

She burst into a serious fit of the giggles, and he couldn't help but catch her laughter.

"Maybe skip that last one," she managed after a bit. "I like all the others though." 

_ALL the others._

He kissed her, a little wildly, and she made the softest of moans as he deepened it, chasing her tongue with his, and-

" _Stars_ , I could kiss you forever." 

She didn't get time to respond, his lips back on hers, but she rolled him onto his back, pinning him beneath her, kissing him back just as wild. 

_Fuck, this is perfect._

Felix ran his hands down her back, enjoying her curves as he caressed her ass, the same ass he spent every mission sneaking as many glances as possible at. She kissed him harder, making him struggle for breath, and it was a struggle he'd gladly accept again and again because nobody had ever kissed him the way she did. Like he meant everything to her.

_Like she lov-_

Jay broke the kiss, and he gulped in air even as he missed her lips immediately, but as she started kissing down his throat, round onto his neck, she ran her teeth gently against where she'd bitten last night, making his heart jump in his chest as he moaned. He was already straining, hard and insistent against her, and he hadn't even had time to crack a joke because her lips surely stopped his brain from working completely. 

Her kisses moved down his chest as she shifted backwards, and he realised with a sudden rush of exhilaration where this was leading. 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck…_

"Jay?"

"Mhm?" 

She looked up at him, running her tongue along her teeth with a predatory smirk, and he tried to ask what he meant to, but he heard a strangled groan that he belatedly realised was him. She grinned wickedly as she shifted back further, his hard length now pressed against her generous bust. 

"Fel', can I?" 

He tried to answer but all that came out was a wheeze, and he huffed a laugh, trying again.

"Yes, fuck, _please_ ," he said, less elegantly than he'd hoped for, before rushing to add, "but you don't hav-" 

"Shh, sweetheart. You weren't the only one spending nights imagining things." 

She threw him a cheeky wink as his mind refused to make sense of what she'd said, and as her hand wrapped around him, he gave up completely. She pressed kisses down the rest of his body, humming appreciation at his hard muscles as her hand slowly, tortuously slowly, worked his shaft. 

Felix already felt like he was falling to pieces, and when her breath ghosted along his length, he shuddered with the strength of pure want coursing through him, crashing into the sight of her with her lips right next to-

She ran her tongue along his cock and his eyes fluttered shut as he swore loudly, hearing her chuckle, and as she briefly sucked the tip of him he was pretty sure he'd never experienced such bliss before. 

_Except for last night. Holy fucking shit-_

He'd had this before, except he hadn't, not from her. Not when he was being fully himself, when it was someone who made his heart ache, and his cock strain harder than he knew was possible. She teased her tongue along him again, circling him, and then wrapped her lips back around him, sinking down sinfully, and the heat and the wet and the sight-

" _Jay_ \- fuck, damn, _fuuuck_ …" 

She hummed around him, the vibrations making everything _more_ , and as her mouth tried to meet where her hand was still slowly working him, he could feel her, impossibly, taking him into her throat and-

Through the pleasure rolling through him he heard her choke a little, and the panic pierced through, as he grabbed her, lifting her gently, terrified he'd hurt her. She eased off him reluctantly, pushing him back down softly with a feral grin even as he fretted.

"Jay, _please_ \- don't want to hurt you." 

"Just gotta adjust for size, Fel'," she smirked, her eyes softening as she saw his genuine worry. "You always put me first, sweetheart. Let me take care of you, the way I really _really_ want to." 

His brain was scrambled, torn between _yes, please, fucking keep going_ and disbelief she could really be enjoying doing so. 

"Trust me, love," she purred, and he did, those three words relaxing him immediately with a shudder of want, and she swallowed him down in one sudden move. 

"FUCK!" 

She chuckled in her throat, and fuck if that didn't feel even more incredible. He was beyond wrecked, the pleasure indescribable, his entire body on fire, and as he looked down he saw her bobbing on his cock, her tongue dragging up, her hand working as she lifted up, before she sucked down, swallowing him in her throat, her eyes fluttering shut in delight as she vocalised her appreciation. This was the dream he'd never have admitted to having, waking him up frustrated, panting and embarrassed, somehow, incredibly, now his reality. 

_Holy fucking fuck…_

He realised all the swearing he could faintly hear was coming from him, and he carefully threaded his fingers in her hair, cautious she wouldn't think he was trying to force her, but desperate to touch her, to have her under his hands. Felix felt her smile around him, as his heart battered his chest, and she changed from her slow pace to something faster, as he babbled utter nonsense. 

"Jay, _fuck_ , darlin', damn, fucking void, _fuuuuck_... I'm gonna- Can't… _fuck_ , love-" 

He wanted to, more than anything, but he needed her to be in control, to know she was choosing this, and as she moaned around him happily, he finally let go completely, groaning and swearing as his whole body wound up tight. She relaxed her throat a little, and lifted her weight from him, encouraging him to thrust into her hot mouth, to fuck her throat, not minding that he couldn't, as he panted her name over and over again, her tongue, her lips, her mouth, all too fucking much. 

She loosened her hand around his base, massaging his balls ever so fucking gently, and his orgasm slammed into him as everything went white, his body jerking as waves of sheer fucking bliss ripped through him, and-

~~~

Felix came back to awareness with a small start, moaning quietly as he felt her lips on his neck, and relaxing his arms as he realised he had a vice-like grip around her. Jay had climbed back up his body, nuzzling into him and as she felt him loosen she pulled back with a pleased smile.

He grinned dopily, pulling her into a kiss, and he could taste himself on her tongue, proof of what had just happened and the fact she had _wanted_ it. Wanted him. He couldn't stop smiling, and when she pulled back with a laugh, all he could think was just how much he fucking loved her.

"Felix Millstone, speechless at last?" she quipped cheekily, and he chuckled, brushing his nose against hers. 

She wiggled her hips on top of him, and he smirked as he realised he was already hard again, and that, yeah okay, she really _had_ enjoyed that as much as she said she did. She was soaking, and he let himself grind against her a little, delighted at how her breath stuttered. 

He was still trying to get his thoughts together enough to speak, when she moved her hips wickedly, engulfing him in scorching slick heat, tighter than he remembered, and he groaned loudly as she took complete control, sitting back and sinking down on him at her own pace. 

"Fuck, void, fuck," he was swearing again, on repeat, and he didn't care because she was everything-

Jay was mewling in pleasure, slowly taking all of him in, trembles running through her, as she pushed her hand through her hair and he ran his fingers across her body, caressing and kneading and _feeling_ , while his eyes drank in the best sight he had ever seen. 

_So damn stunning._

He pressed his fingers down, circling above where he could fucking _see_ himself being fucked by her so damn deep, and her reaction was so intense he realised with a shock that she was already close to climaxing on top of him. 

"So beautiful, Jay, so fucking amazing, you're perfect," he poured praise on her, completely lost in how much he fucking worshipped her, and she moaned wantonly, clenching around him. "You feel so _fucking_ incredible, love…" 

She was squeezing around him more, losing her rhythm, and he started thrusting up into her, harder as his fingers circled tighter, finding just the right pressure as he panted, and as she came with a broken sob, he sat up, catching her in his arms, holding her tight as he kissed into her neck, still rocking into her.

"Fuck, Fel', _so_ good, please, _more_ …" 

He dropped his hand back down, groaning at her praise and how responsive she was, feeling her climbing again, and he held her tight, maintaining his pace with his hips as she met him with her own rhythm, while using his fingers more roughly, kissing and nibbling her neck between deep kisses, fluttering his eyes shut at how _tightly_ she clenched around him. Felix was really struggling now, on the very edge of falling over himself despite having come once already, but he refused, fucking refused, to disobey her pleas as she begged him to keep going. 

Jay started panting his name over and over, as he held on for dear life, and she broke suddenly, her head snapping back as she gasped, tremors rocking through her and slamming into him as he thrust once, twice, and came hard as she clenched around him, yelling her name as he lost himself, utterly. 

_Holy fucking fuck. I love you, I love you, I love you-_

He heard her give a tiny laugh and as he snapped his eyes open, he realised he'd been thinking aloud, but before he could even panic he saw her looking at him, her eyes shining.

"I love you too, Felix. Much as it scares me." 

He kissed her, falling to pieces, needing only her, only ever her. She gave him long slow kisses, luxuriating in his touch as they both recovered, and when she pulled back, he gave a happy sigh.

"Good?" she smirked. 

"Terrible," he quipped, and huffed a laugh as she smacked him on the shoulder gently. 

"You are the worst," she grinned. 

"Hmm, not what you were saying a minute ago, boss." 

She shook her head with a laugh, and his heart fluttered. He stroked her face, his eyes serious.

"Hey," he murmured, holding her to him more tightly, not ready to let go. 

"Hey." 

"I do love you, Jay. More than anything."

"I love you too, Fel'," she smiled at him, kissing his nose. 

"Fuck," he laughed softly. "I'm so happy."

Her face lit up as she kissed him, and he sank back onto the bed, pulling her with him. 

~~~

"What's the plan for today, Cap? I know you wanted a few days before Devil's Peak, but I am _itching_ to relieve some tension." 

Felix looked up with a grin as Nyoka beamed at the Captain entering the room. Most of the crew were sat having finished breakfast while Par had been showing Jay something to do with Sam. Again.

"Gotta find the fish-dude, and then we can pick up that BOLT-52 which sounds like it's not far from the town walls." 

"Ah yes, the weapon that MSI want?" asked Max, as Par fixed herself and Jay drinks. 

"Nope," Jay frowned as she leaned against the counter. "I couldn't quite put my finger on that until Felix repeated back what Sanjar said." 

Felix smirked as Max raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

"I thought at first he'd said it was an 'extremely powerful ordnance'," Felix revealed. "But what he actually said was that it's an 'extremely powerful or _din_ ance'." 

"Am I just hungover, or did you just say the same thing twice?" Nyoka asked, confused as Max grunted.

"The first is a weapon," explained the vicar, "but the second is, well… an authoritative order." 

"Paperwork," Felix drawled, as he stood, lifting the finished plates over to where Jay was standing. "Typical suits business." 

"Ohh," the hunter sighed bitterly. "Well, ain't that about fucking right." 

"Dang, Felix, that's real smart!" Par beamed at him as she sat. 

"Well, I'm not just a pretty face," he grinned.

"That too, though," smiled Jay, kissing him on the cheek as she passed on her way to sit at the table.

He didn't think his grin could get any wider as four sets of widened eyes bore into him. The spell was broken by Par squealing loudly. 

"Oh my _stars!_ FINALLY! I _told_ you, Felix. I _told_ him, Jay. I knew you were meant to be. This is amazin'!" 

The Captain huffed a laugh at her excitement, as Ellie shook her head fondly.

"Honestly, Cap, your taste is terrible but at least now I know why he's on every damn roster." 

"I am baffled," the vicar grumbled, though Felix could swear he looked a little pleased. 

A hand suddenly crashed onto his back with a thud as Nyoka clapped him on the shoulder. 

"Outstanding! You sly devil." 

"It's so romantic-like," babbled Par, "like a serial. But better! Oh my gosh…" 

"Okay, okay," Jay laughed, before issuing orders. "Focus. I'll need you, Nyoka, to help hunt down the fish doctor, and you and Felix for the BOLT-52 this morning. After noon, there'll be new instructions, probably make our way to Fallbrook then or tomorrow. Max and Ellie, your morning is free, so scram. Nyoka, there's a bunch of gun and armor mods in the hold if you wanna go nuts. We'll leave in thirty."

Max and Ellie departed, as Nyoka hit the ladder with a whoop. Felix sat back down next to the Captain and engineer with a smile. 

"Um, what about me?" asked Parvati, confused. 

"You're having breakfast," Jay grinned, and she laughed. "After that though, your morning is free too."

"Actually, I thought I might go speak to Sebastian. That Mr Pickett that he mentioned? It's probably nothing, but I knew someone by that name back in the Vale. Only he disappeared years ago."

"You think maybe he came here?" 

"Maybe. He ran the community centre back home." 

"Ohh," Jay's eyes widened in realisation. "He wanted a mantiqueen for his exhibit! That's a good lead, Par. Have a chat with Sebastian and if he knows where he is, we can swing by." 

"Can do, Jay! I do hope he's not run into trouble." 

"You said he ran a community centre?" asked Felix, and she nodded. 

"Yup. He was a sorta teacher when I was growing up. Of course, I found out later most of what he taught us about critters and plants wasn't accurate, but I think that was on account of his enthusiasm more than anything." 

"We cleared out the abandoned building when we were there," Jay added. "It was the main marauder base. But some of the educational exhibits were still set up. He had these exhibits with taxidermied animals…" 

"Saltuna and canids and a primal," supplied Par. 

"...And an empty space for a mantiqueen." 

"If he managed to hunt a primal, maybe he'll be okay," mused Felix, and the engineer looked a little encouraged. 

"It was the first time I saw any of those species," said Jay thoughtfully. 

"Yeah," Par shook her head sadly. "You shoulda seen saltuna first but, well. The factory hadn't been canning that for a time." 

_Wait, what._

"Uhh, do I want to know what I've been eating?" asked Felix, his eyes wide. "Please don't tell me it's what I think it is." 

Parvati nodded grimly. 

"Sprats." 

"Oh thank _fuck_." 

"Wait, what did you think it was?" 

"People!"

"Oh my stars, _Felix!!_ " 

He chuckled as Jay creased up laughing at Parvati's horror. 

Sam came clanging into the galley. 

"VACUUMING ESTIMATE: Calculating… Calculating... Calculating…"

The mech was stuck in a loop. 

"Oh gosh, Sam," Par looked disappointed. "You're still not quite right." 

"Dirty," the mech sounded increasingly horrified. " _Dirty!_ DIRTY!!" 

"Okay, down to the hold, Sam! I'm gonna get it right this time, I swear." 

The engineer disappeared with her new toy, and Felix grinned at his Captain. 

"Someone's happy," she smirked. 

"Well, yeah!" 

She chuckled, and he leaned in closer. 

"So confidentially-like," he murmured, his eyes twinkling, "why _am_ I on so many rosters?"

"Oh, a few reasons. First, you provide heavy support yet actually know the meaning of the word stealth-" 

He grinned. 

"-Second, you have an understanding of how the politics here are totally fucked-" 

_Fair!_

"-Third, you have the power of sad puppy eyes down ever so well-"

_Aww, yiss._

"-and finally, having you there reduces my chances of going completely crazy quite significantly."

He made finger guns at her with a wink. 

"Targeted clownery at your service." 

She pulled him closer, her eyes darkening a little and he felt his heart racing. 

"Targeted _you_ at my service," she purred, and he closed the gap, kissing her softly as he stroked the back of her neck. 

He pulled back with a happy sigh, seeing her smile. 

"Always," he murmured, and she winked cheekily at him as she stood to get ready. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My [asks are always open on tumblr](https://thalfox.tumblr.com/) for any questions and comments 😎
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Wake Up Boo! by The Boo Radleys
> 
> Wake up it's a beautiful morning  
> The sun shining for your eyes  
> Wake up it's so beautiful  
> For what could be the very last time


	13. Murder City

"The apartments are here at the south wall," Nyoka gestured as she led them there. "He's usually holed up in there. Same place Celia lives, as well as a local busybody." 

"Oh yay," the Captain rolled her eyes. "Love those." 

Felix gripped his gun as a panicked looking man came running out of the building in front of them. 

"Help! Someone's been killed!" 

"Tal, what's going on?" asked Nyoka, recognising the stranger. 

"I think I'm going to be sick," the man heaved slightly, and she stood back in alarm. 

"Calm down," Jay used her commanding tone and the man snapped to attention. "What happened?" 

"I clean the apartments while everyone's at work. I've seen all sorts of messes, but this-" he wrung his hands, his breathing sharp. "If you're going into the apartments, do not go into the lower one on the right - that's where the body is. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go contemplate a hot shower."

The guy ran off, not looking back, and Nyoka swore softly. 

"It's MSI's job to deal with crime," she said, not sounding happy about it. 

"They not great at solving things?" Felix asked quietly as they walked into the building. 

"They can't find their ass with both hands," she huffed. "Hey, Cap - that's the apartment under Braxton's." 

"Let's have a quick look," nodded Jay, understanding her meaning. "We can be in and out before the guards get here. Keep your fingers covered, and don't steal anything. Til later." 

Felix flashed her a smile, and followed them into the room. 

"Oof," he took in the messy scene. "Hey, is this the part where we go hunting for clues?" 

"Even Stellar Bay ain't safe these days," the hunter said softly. "What's the world coming to?" 

"Watch the door Nyoka, give us a heads up if MSI come sniffing…" 

She nodded at the Captain's words, looking grateful. 

_Can't be easy when it's your own neighbourhood. I'm guessing murder here is less common than on the Groundbreaker._

"Got a bug-out bag," he called softly, spotting it hooked on a chair. "Same outfit over and over, plus rations. He was getting ready to leave quickly." 

Jay was crouched over the body, inspecting his wounds carefully. 

"Blunt weapon. Right in the damn face and repeatedly. Shit. He was beaten to death." 

He swallowed hard. 

_That is not a great way to go._

"Surely folk must have heard…?" he asked. 

"I don't think he was killed here," she stood with a sigh. "This mess is after the fact, probably to make it look like a botched burglary. But there's zero splatter. Attacked and killed elsewhere, then dumped in his own fucking home." 

_Damn_. 

Felix was impressed, and he made a mental note to ask her how exactly one got trained up as a 'finder' in the first place.

"Papers on the table," he nodded towards it, and she flicked through the rubbish carefully. 

"Betting slips from Left Field," she mused. "A lot of them."

He came over and looked, his eyes widening. 

"That's a series of increasingly foolhardy bets on a team that is on a huge losing streak. Hell, Mostly Colonists are never _not_ on a huge losing streak. I'm gonna guess he owes someone a whole lot of bits." 

"Let's go before the guards show." 

They collected Nyoka and headed up the stairs out of the way. The hunter looked at them expectantly.

"He owed a lot of money," Jay said quietly. "Beaten to death elsewhere, dumped here. If the guards follow the paper trail, it should be easy enough." 

"Well, miracles might happen," she frowned, then shook her head.

Two people were stood halfway along the corridor, and Felix fought not to grin as their conversation floated towards them. 

"So. Guess who Celia brought home the other night?"

"Sebastian? _Finally_. Now she can stop buying that junk from him. Might improve the smell."

"Yeah, but the noise…!" 

_Good for them. Guess last night was the start of more than one relationship!_

He heard Jay chuckle as they neared the last door. 

"Okay, this is Braxton's place," Nyoka indicated. 

A knock got no reply, and in less than a second the Captain had the door open. She froze momentarily, seeing a woman banging about on the floor, tearing out the contents of the cupboards.

Jay cleared her throat and the woman nearly hit the ceiling in fright, scrambling over and making a run for it, only to find herself easily caught by Nyoka.

_Yeah, she's totally tweaked out._

"We're looking for Braxton," the hunter informed her as she babbled nonsense. "BRAXTON. You seen him?" 

"Braxton? I've never even heard of a Braxton! You shouldn't sneak up on people!" 

Jay rolled her eyes and glanced round the apartment, seeing a note stuck to the wall. 

"Out for deliveries - dropping a 'care package' off with the Mathers in the old ruins south of Stellar Bay. Be back soon. Laura, I know you're reading this - STAY OUT OF MY THINGS."

She flicked her eyes at the woman Nyoka was still holding on to. 

"Ohhh, that Braxton! Um, yes. He's outta town. So I'm, uh, watching his place? Yes." 

"Mhm, you have fun with that then," the Captain stared at her hard and the woman started to shake. "If someone knocks later, it's a doctor to see you." 

"I don't-" 

"With meds." 

"Oh! Okay!" 

Nyoka let her go and she hared back into the apartment as Jay walked out, closing the door behind her. 

"The ruins the note mentioned, if we take the east gate then they're on the way to where that not-a-weapon is," Nyoka mused. 

"Well, that's handy at least," smiled Jay, pulling out her radio and calling Ellie. 

Felix stretched as he waited, and they exited the building. 

"Can Ellie help that woman?" he asked softly. 

"She can try. It's one of the areas she's good in, but will kill anyone who speaks of it." 

Nyoka cackled. 

~~~

"The intrepid crew of the Unreliable brave the wilds of Monarch, on today's episode of, uh… I'm still working on the title."

Felix looked at the landscape, trying to take in all the detail. He could see why this planet had been marked as the first Terra, with rolling hills of green, sharp cliffs, and incredible rock formations. The horizon was at a fair distance, and the air was suitable enough. 

_Other than all the damn sulphur. Toxic pools everywhere, and if there's a river in that bed it's further down than the eye can see. But if the terraforming had worked..._

"Something tells me," grinned Nyoka, "that you wind Max and Ellie up something terrible, Felix." 

"Mostly Max," laughed the Captain, blinking ahead as she scoped along the bridge, leaving Stellar Bay behind. 

"I do what I can," he grinned. "You know, Nyoka. Between you and me, we know all there is to know about Monarch." 

"What makes you say that?" asked the hunter. 

"Well, you got your life experience as a hunter. And I've memorised every episode of Terror on Monarch."

"Oh, Terror on Monarch's a riot!" she laughed. "It's all made up, though. You know that, right?" 

"Yeah, right. Next you're gonna tell me Halcyon Helen isn't based on a real person, and the fight scenes are fake."

"I won't tell you that, no. You… seem happier in your ignorance." 

He chuckled as Nyoka smirked.

"Hey, Cap," she called ahead. "There's usually rapt activity up ahead." 

"Mhm, no worries." 

The hunter whistled quietly, impressed. 

"She is fearless, huh." 

"Yup," Felix grinned. "Also she's already shot all the rapts in range. Did it before we left the bridge." 

"Wait, what?" 

"Her carbine is pretty silent at a distance." 

"Oooh, I gotta get me one of those!" 

They moved quietly through the ruins of a small settlement, a crossroads of some kind complete with a church. There were a few bodies scattered around, with some marauder corpses amongst the fresher rapts. The place looked like it had been abandoned for a few years at least.

They took out three rapts lurking in the graveyard, as Jay investigated a dead body on the ground. She pocketed a keycard. 

"Dispensary has an always open door now," she winked, and the hunter beamed. 

_No more dealing with the creepy lady!_

On the edge of the settlement, backed against a hillside, the houses looked almost untouched. There was a distinct lack of raptidons, alive or otherwise, and no bodies in sight. 

"Are these real ruins?" he asked softly. "This looks just like in the serials." 

"Some folks still live out here," Nyoka frowned. "Dumbasses that they are. Don't bother knocking on just any door though. If anyone's inside, they're liable to respond with gunfire."

"Stellar Bay is visible from here," murmured the Captain. "Why you'd stay out here instead…" 

"This is the house, Cap." 

The hunter indicated one of the undamaged houses. 

"You know them?" asked Jay. 

"Nope. But this is the only one with what looks like a working lock." 

The Captain nodded, and knocked on the door. 

~~~

"A visitor? What an unexpected surprise! Please, come in, come in!" 

The middle-aged man hurried them into the house, which Felix could maybe forgive given they were in prime rapt territory but… 

"I'm getting real bad fight-or-flight right now," he heard Nyoka murmur softly to Jay. "Watch your step. People ain't this friendly outside city walls."

"We're armed to the teeth," Felix offered. "What's he gonna do - kill us with generosity?" 

"That's the spirit!" beamed the man, no doubt Mr Mathers. 

_Whoops_. 

"Now come in, make yourselves comfortable."

The table was set, while a woman kept her back to them in the kitchen, busy cooking. A young man, their son presumably, sat at the table, looking a little out of sorts. 

"That's very kind of you," the Captain nodded. "We're looking for Braxton Hecht, he came to see you recently."

"Excellent! You've arrived at just the right time," Mathers ignored what Jay had said. "My wife is putting the finishing touches on dinner. Please, make yourself at home until it's ready."

"Something ain't right about this," Nyoka muttered. 

"Can you tell me about Braxton?" Jay persisted, firmly. 

"You must be famished! So are we, my friend, but one can't rush a fine meal."

The Captain sighed, and turned her attention to the young man sitting at the table. 

"Hey there," she flashed a winning smile, and the man beamed. 

"Oh, hello there," he said slowly. "You come for… for… dinner?" 

"Well, it wasn't my plan," Jay kept her smile friendly. 

"Are you sure?" the young man looked genuinely confused. "Because someone came for dinner yesterday. Or a week ago. Wasn't that you? Maybe not. Have we met?" 

"Are you okay?" her voice got softer. "You seem confused." 

Felix looked at the man more closely, realising that his eyes were fogged over, and his skin was hanging off him as he breathed with an awful rattle.

_This guy looks like a zombie. How is he still alive?_

"It just gets hard to remember things," said the man, sadly. "I recall moments… feelings… but the details slip. Other times, it's like there's a fog. I… sorry, have we talked about this before?" 

_What the fuck is going on?_

Felix heard a click behind him, and turned slowly. 

_Aaaand they've locked us in, great._

"Why is the door locked?" asked Nyoka, sharply. 

"Is it sticking again?" Mathers asked innocently. "I'm afraid nothing out here works the way it used to. There's a bit of a trick to jimmying it open. I'll see to it once we've finished dinner." 

"No, you'll see to it now," she growled. 

"Please, there's no need for incivility! Though I certainly understand how hunger sharpens the temper. I promise I'll get the door open once we've had our meal. Until then, why don't you stretch your legs a bit? A nice walk around the house will surely limber them up."

"Of course," the Captain said affably, turning from where she'd been listening to his wife. "My apologies. Could I trouble you for the use of your bathroom?" 

"What politeness!" Mathers looked brimful of happiness again. "Please, just go straight up the stairs, and straight ahead." 

"Thank you," she smiled, and nodded to her crew. "Don't start without me."

_Got it._

Felix nodded back, and he saw Nyoka switch her posture slightly, trying not to look as freaked out as she felt. The older man crossed the room to help his wife. 

An emaciated young woman skipped down the stairs, and came up to him and Nyoka, curious. 

"Hi there, I'm Lizzie!" 

"Well, hey there Lizzie," he smiled. 

"Did you come to bring us more of the rocket candies?"

"Rocket candies? I'm afraid not." 

"Oh are you sure? They come in a bottle with a rocket on the side. The other man used to bring us them!" 

_She sounds so much younger than she is. Kinda like the guy I assume is her brother. Her eyes look like they're going the same way…_

"Other man?" he asked, still smiling. 

"Uh huh," she nodded happily. "We was getting sicker and sicker, but when he gave us those we felt all better again! But then he said he couldn't bring any more, and ma and pa got real mad. Now he doesn't visit. Are you sure you ain't got no rocket candies?" 

_Shit. Mad enough to kill him? Sounds like Braxton might be dead._

"I'm sorry, I don't." 

"That's too bad," she licked her lips slowly, staring at him. "I guess I'll see you at dinner!" 

She skipped off to sit next to her brother at the table. 

"That reminded me of a rapt licking its chops," Nyoka murmured. "Be careful."

Out of the corner of his eye, Felix saw Jay coming down the stairs quietly, her carbine unholstered behind her back. He shifted his hand to his rifle, seeing Nyoka do the same. 

He could have sworn the Captain made no sound, but the husband and wife suddenly swung round. 

"But what's this?" said Mathers, still with that voice full of false cheer. "You're tracking blood into the kitchen. Oh, dear. You've been nosy, haven't you."

"The murdering cannibal accuses me of being nosy?" it sounded almost like a joke, but he could hear the anger in Jay's voice, snarling under her words. 

_Murdering ca-? Oh, SHIT._

"Quickly, my dear," Mrs Mathers simpered as she, her husband and daughter all pulled out guns, "she's getting agitated. We can't let our gift from the Eternal spoi-"

Her head exploded, and Felix whipped his rifle up, taking care of the husband. Nyoka hesitated to stop the girl, and the Captain shoved her out of danger as a bullet whipped past. Felix aimed and fired, trying to disable her but it wasn't enough, and he put the second shot through her head, feeling sickened.

He whirled to find the fourth family member, but saw Jay was standing over him, holding out her hands calmly, her weapon holstered as he sat at the table, having not moved at all. 

"Wh-what's happening?" the young man asked in confusion. 

"I'm sorry Levi," she said softly, and Felix could hear she was struggling to hide her upset. "You are Levi, aren't you?" 

"I am? I… I think I am. I'm sorry, it's so hard to… Have we met?" 

Felix lowered his rifle, content that the poor guy wasn't a threat. 

"My name is Jay. I read your poetry, Levi, about the sunrise and the trees. It was real pretty." 

She brushed at her face, and he realised what was happening. 

_Fuck, poor kid._

"Oh, shit," Nyoka looked completely broken. 

"The sun… the sun…" Levi faltered, confused. "I don't remember. I don't remember the sun." 

"I'm so sorry," murmured Jay. "You have an illness Levi, and it's not one there's a cure for. I radioed a doctor and asked, and I can't… I can't help." 

"Where's my parents? Lizzie? Wait, are you Lizzie? I think… I think I need dinner." 

"They… they had to go out." 

"I know," the young man looked at her properly for the first time. "Please. It hurts." 

Jay took her pistol out with a shaky breath, and Felix came up behind her. 

"I can-" 

"It's okay," she wiped her face. 

"Have we met?" 

~~~

Felix followed Jay and Nyoka up the stairs in silence. Two floors up there was a bedroom with a locked room inside it. And in that room, that very red and wet room... 

"Yeah," he sighed, feeling his stomach churn, "I'm definitely gonna have nightmares about this."

"Those sulfur-sodden assholes," snarled Nyoka. "Ain't enough that the rapts eat everyone - now people are doing it, too?" 

Jay checked the remains of the half-butchered body, wiggling free an ID cartridge. 

"Braxton," she said flatly, and they traipsed back down the stairs. 

"I knew Monarch had monsters," said Felix. "Never expected they'd look like people."

Nyoka spat on the bodies of the older Mathers as they left. 

"They didn't deserve to die so clean," she growled. 

Once outside the house, the hunter sat with her head in her hands. The Captain walked a little further away, leaning against a different house.

She looked like she was trembling and as Felix approached in worry, he realised she was crying softly. Without a word, he pulled her close and held her, relieved it wasn't an episode, but devastated at what they'd all just witnessed.

"'m sorry," she managed after a spell.

"Don't be," he said firmly, his voice hoarse. "You did a really difficult thing. And it was the right thing. Ellie said, right?"

She nodded sadly. 

"His poetry was beautiful. But as the pages went on, he just… lost his words. Lost the beauty in the world he'd loved." 

Felix wiped under his own eyes as she pulled back, trying to shake herself together.

"The sister didn't have much of a chance either," he said quietly. "And she was just a kid too." 

Jay squeezed his arm.

"We all made the choices we had to in there. I just wish such evil fucks weren't around in the first place." 

He nodded gratefully. 

"Nyoka is pretty shaken I think, boss." 

"I'll go talk to her now. Thanks Fel'." 

~~~

"Over this next bridge is the building Sanjar was talking about," said Nyoka as the Captain scoped across the ravine. 

"Looks like we're late to the party," revealed Jay. "Got some very happy rapts chewing on new food. Ugh, I wish they were more like Earth predators." 

"In what way?" asked Felix, seeing the hunter looking interested too. 

"Most predators there killed for food only. So if they had a meal in front of them, you could just walk on by." 

"Oh, wow," marvelled Nyoka. "That's definitely not a thing on Monarch! Though I s'pose Earth probably didn't have acid-spitting fuckers either." 

"Nope. Well, other than a few beetles smaller than my finger but they just used it on other bugs. Hell, the place I'm from didn't even have apex predators at all. Just fluffy animals."

"And you left, why?" the hunter cackled. 

"Alas, it was still full of the worst animal of all."

"Hah," she nodded in realisation. "Yeah. Fucking people." 

They'd reached the settlement over the bridge, and the trio began dealing with the remaining rapts. 

"Exploring some ruins," said Felix, trying to be as cheerful as he could. "Killing some monsters. All we're missing is theme music."

He heard Jay chuckle, and he grinned to himself. They cleared the area in a slow, clean sweep, and began inspecting the various buildings.

"Hmm, dead Iconoclasts here too," the hunter pointed out. "Damn fools. What were they doing over this side of the ravine?" 

As they picked ammo and bit carts from houses, Felix realised whatever the marauders and Iconoclasts had been doing here, it certainly wasn't looting. He saw the Captain hesitate slightly in one building, and as she moved on he realised it was the contents of the bed that had stopped her. A small dead body, long passed away, curled around a little sprat. 

_Kid and their pet. What a fucking waste. I'm used to this shit, but for her…_

They found the ARMS building, and Jay hopped on to the terminal Sanjar had mentioned, typing rapidly as she hacked into the records. 

"Oh you gotta be kidding me," she rolled her eyes, and he jumped the counter, reading over her shoulder. 

"That's the dangerous information he needed deleted? A poor to fair performance review?" 

Nyoka cackled. 

"Oh let me read it before you wipe it, Cap. I wanna memorise some phrases." 

"Got that Graham on here too," said the Captain. 

"The Iconoclast leader," the hunter nodded. "Can't say I'm MSI's biggest fan, but the Iconoclasts are as useless in other ways." 

"Huh, apparently he was an editor. That'd-" 

"Jay…" Felix murmured softly, and she snapped her attention to him. "Movement upstairs?" 

She nodded, and the three crept quietly up. 

_Dang, Nyoka moves quiet for the size of that machine gun. Maybe she can teach Max a thing or two._

The upstairs was empty, as was the balcony, but the storage door was locked, red light blinking away. Suddenly, the intercom started crackling with static, and a voice broke through. 

"Hello? Hellooooooo? I hear boots out there! Wait, can rapts wear boots?" 

Nyoka smirked as Jay went up to the intercom to respond, and the Captain did her best raptidon snarl. 

"Aaaahh! Get away!" 

Nyoka was killing herself laughing as Felix chuckled, shaking his head. 

"I'm just messing," Jay smirked. "Who's in there?"

"Oh, thank the Eternal! I'm Huxley. Hux if you're lazy... I'm stuck!" 

"She's an Iconoclasts runner," said Nyoka quietly. "Good kid. Trouble finder." 

"Get stuck in closets often, Huxley?" Jay asked conversationally as she looked over the lock system. 

"My buddy locked me in here! Tryna keep me safe when the mantiqueen joined the raptidons and attacked us. But… I mean… okay, yes. Fine. I get myself into sticky situations. It's just part of the life, all right? Sometimes you gotta hide in a trash can so's you don't get eaten by monsters."

"Wait, really?" the Captain laughed. "I wasn't serious." 

"Oh, uh, haha, neither was I. Who'd hide in a trash can? Gross." 

"I like her already," Felix grinned. 

"Listen, the key to the door will be with my buddy. If he, uh, made it. Or if he didn't I guess. Please, get me out of here!" 

"Don't sweat it kid, I can pick the door." 

_Damn, that's the highest security door I've ever seen, too._

"Oh, thank the Eternal! And thank you!" 

Jay shook her head, amused, and faster than he could track her movement, the door clicked open. A young woman stepped out, talking a mile a minute.

"Whew! Thank you so much! It was getting all stuffy in there and I was getting a mite light-headed and I think maybe I was gonna die!" 

Felix let the Captain deal with the motormouth and investigated the storage room, lifting weapons, ammo, some meds and a cartridge with 'BOLT-52' written on it. 

_Well, that makes it easier._

"Got the thing," he interrupted as he exited, and Jay beamed at him. 

He saw Nyoka raise her eyebrow when Jay pressed Huxley for a reward, only to grin when the reward she asked for was a good word put in with the Iconoclasts. The runner hared off happily, and the Captain stretched. 

"Right, back to Stellar Bay. Afternoon plans can wait 'til after food." 

"Excellent strategy," he grinned as Nyoka nodded her enthusiastic approval. 

"We can take the other bridge back over," the hunter pointed. "And actually, if we take the side passage instead of the door, we'll pop up behind Velma's." 

"Sounds good," Jay smiled. "Two birds and all that." 

Nyoka and Felix blinked at her, and she laughed. 

"Aaand that's another saying no longer used, got it!" 

"What was the saying, boss?" 

"Hitting two birds with one stone. Meant getting two tasks done with one action." 

"Ooh, I like it!" Nyoka looked thoughtful. "Two pterorays with one…" 

"Tossball!" finished Felix, and Jay giggled. "We should go through all the sayings at some point and update them for you." 

"That'd be fun actually," she smiled, and he beamed at her. 

~~~

They emerged through a hatch behind the saltuna factory, and face to face with a dead body. 

"Well, shit," sighed Nyoka. "Today really is murder central." 

Jay deftly examined the man's pockets, and blinked in surprise.

"It's the missing SubLight agent," she revealed, unfolding a bloodied bit of paper. "And the passcode for the hidden lab we're meant to find for them. Looks like he was shot in the back." 

"You needing to see Catherine Malin?" asked the hunter, and the Captain nodded. "She's in Fallbrook, 'bout halfway between here and Devil's Peak. Place has a landing pad but you'll only gain access to that on foot. Good place to head to and set up for getting to the Peak." 

"What's Fallbrook really like?" asked Felix, curious about the setting of several aetherwave serial episodes. 

"Safe from wildlife, that's for sure. How safe it is otherwise depends on how much debt you owe. It's small, protected by being sunk into a mountainside, but it's thriving. Lots of fancy visitors from Byzantium after booze, sex and gambling." 

"My kind of town," he drawled as Jay snorted a laugh. 

As they made their way to the doors at the back of the factory, a familiar sight caught his eyes. 

"Boss," he called her attention softly, and she followed him over. 

Jay picked up the object carefully. A tossball stick, real bust up, and with the head dyed rusty brown from… 

_Yeah, that's blood._

"What the…" she looked puzzled, studying it close. "There's something stuck in this, hard and purple. Can't get it out." 

"Murder weapon for our gambler?" he asked, as Nyoka came over. 

"Reckon so."

"This is where the factory piles stuff to be incinerated," the hunter explained. "So yeah, a good spot to get rid of evidence. Do we hand this to Sanjar, or…?" 

"How sure can we be," mused Jay, "that no MSI guard was involved in the murder?"

 _Ah_.

"Well, I'd be pretty sure…." Nyoka looked thoughtful, "but no, I couldn't guarantee it. Maybe we should put it somewhere safe for now, and see if those bozos even look at the case?"

"And if not," added Felix, "we can probably figure it out ourselves." 

The Captain nodded, handing the weapon to Nyoka. 

"Take it back to the Unreliable for now. I'll deal with Velma then Sanjar." 

"Yes, Cap! And thank you. I fucking hate Velma." 

Nyoka stomped off as Jay tried not to laugh. 

"I'll come in this time?" asked Felix, trying to sound casual. 

"'Course," Jay grinned. "Though you'll have to suffer Sanjar, too." 

He groaned. 

~~~

Velma didn't seem too bad, once Jay finally got through to her that her worker was in fact dead and not just avoiding her. 

"Also," added the saltuna boss, "I heard from Nell that she might not want the poster after all. Depends on a job you're doing for her? As long as someone buys the damn thing, I can't say it matters to me." 

"We'll get her job done," Felix spoke with confidence. 

Velma looked at him intensely. 

"Hm, nice hair, slightly oblivious," she mused. "You must be the infamous Felix." 

"Uh, yeah. Not really infamous though." 

"Yeah, Nell's good people," smiled Velma, suggestively. "You should catch a game with her sometime." 

_Ah, fuck._

"Oh, uh," he saw that Jay was amused rather than anything negative, and relaxed a little. "I'm usually pretty busy." 

"Make that very oblivious," the woman sighed. 

"It's not that," he blushed. "I'm spoken for. Happily." 

"Ah, I see. Well, that's fair. Anyway, Captain, just make sure one of them buys the damn thing soon." 

"Will do," smirked Jay. 

~~~

"I really didn't think she was that into me," Felix muttered as they headed for the MSI building. 

"I'd guess that's the oblivious part," quipped Jay, her eyes twinkling. 

"Difference between being oblivious and being focused on someone else, boss," he winked cheekily, and she laughed. 

"Well, I'm glad I wasn't imagining things when I got jealous. Though I'm more glad you're now spoken for." 

"I was spoken for then as well," he chuckled. "You just didn't know it." 

"And they say _I'm_ the charming one," Jay slipped her hand into his, and he grinned widely. 

~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Murder City by Green Day
> 
> Desperate  
> But not hopeless  
> I feel so useless  
> In the murder city


	14. Wrong Place For Redemption

"Ah, Captain! How can I help you?" 

Felix watched as Sanjar was informed his 'dangerous information' had been deleted, _after_ being read. 

"This has been my albatross," the man wailed. "The great shame of my career. I gave MSI everything - my work, my youth, my left kidney - and for years, I was a joke to them." 

"Wait, your left kidney?" Jay looked appalled. 

Sanjar groaned a sigh. 

"One of the executives required a transplant. I thought volunteering to donate might improve my prospects."

_Wow. That is a whole new level of corporate ass-kissing._

"Did it?"

"Apparently not."

Jay shook her head and Felix could tell she was biting back a further remark. 

"Anyway, I've got your BOLT-52 here," she confirmed. "Mind telling me why you spoke of it like it was a weapon?" 

"But that's exactly what this is!" beamed Sanjar. "The world isn't changed with guns and speeches - as much as Graham and his followers would like to think - but rather with meticulous documentation."

"Hearing that caused me physical pain," Felix sighed. 

"Sorry - Celia's always chiding me about my word choice. I shall endeavour to employ simpler verbiage-" 

_… just how ignorant DO I look??_

"-And the Bill of Liquidation/Transfer Form-52 is one of the most formidable pieces of data entry in all of Halcyon…"

Felix deliberately tuned out, hopeful of avoiding another headache. 

~~~

"Oh _stars_ , that sounds really bad," Parvati shook her head as Felix finished rounding up all that had happened that morning. "I mean, really, _really_ bad." 

"Yeah, it was hard-going," sighed Nyoka, standing up from the kitchen table. "You think you've seen everything Monarch has to give, and then… you get to see _that_." 

"I wish I'd had better news for Cap when she radioed. She did all she could. It's a horrible, painful way to go otherwise," said Ellie, before her voice turned sharper. "How is she doing?" 

"As well as can be considering," he sighed, before remembering earlier events. "I think she had a job for you actually." 

The doctor's eyes lit up and she jumped to her feet, heading to the Captain's room.

_She's such a soft touch when it comes to Jay, not that she'd ever admit it._

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," said Max, his voice surprisingly gentle. "That must have been very difficult. For all of you."

"I'm gonna assume Cap doesn't need me this afternoon," Nyoka turned to leave. "Cause I plan to obliterate my memory immediately." 

She went to her room, where Felix was pretty sure he'd seen a whole fridge full of alcohol. 

"Do we know what the next plans are?" asked the vicar. 

"Changed a bit I think," Felix shrugged. "Don't know for sure but I think Fallbrook will be tomorrow. Today might be getting that stuff for Nell at the betting shop, and possibly solving the local murder." 

"The jerseys," remembered Par. "She said those were out by Amber Heights?" 

"Ah. Where the Iconoclasts are," Max's eyes lit up. "I may volunteer for that." 

"It'll probably be in an hour or so," said the engineer. "Though Jay doesn't look nearly as tired as she has been recently, despite the bad morning. She must be sleepin' better." 

She smiled at Felix, and he blushed slightly. 

~~~

"Hey, boss," he spoke softly as he came into her room, and smiled when he saw her face light up.

Jay was sitting on the edge of her bed, taking her boots off and he sat down next to her.

"Think Nyoka will be out of action for the rest of the day," he said quietly. "She's fully committed to drinking herself into a stupor." 

"Hah! Well, that's understandable."

"And Max is up for anything happening near Amber Heights."

"That figures," she huffed a laugh as she lay back on the bed, stretching herself out. "Any chance to argue with philosophists. I'll take you and him this afternoon then and let Nyoka recover." 

_Suits me! King of the roster._

Felix lay down facing her, stroking her hair gently.

"How are you holding up?" 

"Me? I'm fine. Or I will be. Not my first rodeo- wait-" 

She scrunched her face up in annoyance. 

"-Okay, I don't know how to even begin to explain that phrase."

He chuckled, and she relaxed with a smile.

"Don't have to, boss. I get you. I know a lot of the state of things here is a shock, but I can tell from your skills you've certainly seen some shit before." 

"So much shit, Fel'," she sighed unhappily. "It was meant to be different here, despite the Board's intentions. But… it's worse. Not that I had high hopes. People always fuck stuff up. Though I admit, I hadn't prepared for cannibals." 

"Yeah. I just don't get it. I mean, obviously, it's horrible in any circumstance. But like you said, they were living in sight of a safe town. It's not like they were stranded with no help. They… they _chose_ it."

"The wife was mumbling about 'the eternal'," Jay revealed. "Which Huxley mentioned as well, though I'm guessing the Mathers had it twisted. An Iconoclast thing or philosophist thing, I'm not sure." 

"Both, I think?" he was almost sure he'd read something on the topic. "Max would know. I'm all for anarchism-" 

"I had no idea," she smirked, and he laughed. 

"-but replacing one religion with another isn't my idea of revolution." 

"Yeah, I get you. To be honest…" 

She trailed off, and he waited, curious. 

"It's just, back on Earth there were various different belief systems," she said carefully. "Though less under the Directorate. But out here, the Board has mandated only their one exists, and it isn't really a religious belief at all. It's just science, but taken to an extreme with borrowed parts and bent to control people like it's a religion."

"Did you have something like philosophism?" 

"Philosophy, which was more the study of questions we have about existence, the world and so on. It didn't necessarily work against science, they complimented each other. And again, definitely not a religion. The philosophism here is more of a singular spiritual reaction to the absurd control of scientism I guess."

"That makes sense," he mused. "I mean, neither really took root on the Groundbreaker so I'd say the absence of scientism resulted in the absence of philosophism too. The universe is too big for two neat solutions to everything. Fuck, not even tossball manages that." 

She laughed. 

"Honestly, tossball is probably a better representation of religion back on earth in the countries less beholden to corporations. Everyone has the team they support, swears blind the rest are shit, and watches them play every week without fail or they feel guilty." 

"Hah!" Felix chuckled. "You could be right, boss. Though if everyone watched tossball instead of preaching, this system might be better off." 

He looked at her closely, a little concerned still. She was holding a lot of tension, and he knew the morning's events were weighing down on her.

"Do you miss home a lot?" he asked. 

"I miss what the planet had. I miss a lot of the things I took for granted there. I miss the animals, and the sea. But, this is my home-" 

She smiled at him, and his heart fluttered.

"-Here definitely has some major plus points." 

"That's me," he grinned. "Sergeant Major Pluspoint, at your command." 

Jay huffed a laugh, and pulled him in for a soft kiss. When she pulled back, he fluttered kisses across her face, making her giggle, and she cuddled into him with a happy sigh.

"I'm glad you're here," she murmured. "Here here too, I mean." 

"I'm glad too, Jay." 

"You up for coming out again this afternoon?" 

"Sure. I'd like to see this mysterious Graham for myself. I'm pretty sure I heard rumours of his name back on the Groundbreaker, but I never found the radio signal myself. I'm not really sure what to expect." 

"Me neither. Though as I've discovered again and again, the opposite to foolishness is quite often just more foolishness." 

"Sounds about right, boss," he chuckled. "And I've been meaning to say, but thank you for… I ain't sure how to put it. Not treating me like I'm just a pretty face I guess." 

"You mean not patronising you?" 

"Yeah, 'xactly. I've played the fool a lot in my life to get where I need to go. And you know I enjoy winding people up. But you've never made me feel like you think I'll not understand something." 

"You never hid your smarts with me, Fel'. Trust me, I noticed. And I really appreciate it." 

"Yeah?" 

"Mhm," she murmured, happily snuggled up in his arms with her head on his chest. "You mind if I cuddle you for a bit before we have to leave again?"

"Oh yeah, I totally mind" he drawled, feeling her smile against him. "Being here with the hottest Captain in the galaxy in my arms is, y'know, the _worst_." 

She shook her head laughing softly.

"Hey," he murmured, stroking her hair again. "I am available for cuddles any time, Jay. It's one of my very favourite things. Though once again I hasten to add that this is exclusive to you." 

" _Mine_ ," she said softly, and he couldn't stop smiling. 

~~~

Felix grinned as he watched people skitter out of Max's way as they walked through the centre of town. Heavily armed people were by no means an uncommon sight in Stellar Bay, but somehow the vision of a vicar bristling with heavy weaponry always put people straight on edge.

They were following the Captain back to the east gate, ready to take the road further into the wilds this time, in pursuit of the missing shipment near Amber Heights.

As they approached the wall, an older woman came running up to Jay, frantically waving her hands. 

"Ma'am, please, I need your help! I can pay!" 

The Captain paused briefly, and the woman rushed to continue. 

"Please, you have to help me get my little Tucker back! He ran away and is going to get himself killed! Oh, I just know a raptidon is melting him with acid as we speak!" 

"Your child is missing?" asked Jay, concerned. "Where'd you last see him?" 

"Oh, I just knew you were a good person. 'Agnes,' I said, 'this is the woman to save your little Tuckie!' And I was right! He ran out into the wilderness a few days ago. I warned him about the raptidons, mantisaurs, and marauders - the toxic sulfur pools, and poisonous plants. But he didn't listen! Please! Won't you go and find my boy?"

_Damn. A little kid out there ain't got a hope in hell._

"Why would Tucker run away?" the Captain asked, carefully. 

"He's been pining for an adventure, says he's tired of living cooped up behind the walls. But he doesn't understand how dangerous it is out there. I warned him. A raptidon would snap him up first chance it got. I just know one's ripped his arm off and is gnawing on his sweet little fingers-"

_Holy crap, lady._

"-He should've listened to his mama. I promised I'd keep him safe here with me."

"Where would he have gone?" Max spoke up, surprising the woman. 

"He's been listening to those awful broadcasts that the Iconoclasts put out. I begged Sanjar to put a stop to them, but did he? No. And now I just know my boys run off to Amber Heights. That is, if a mantiqueen hasn't spooled out and eaten his entrails for breakfast already!"

_Her scenarios are a little too thought out here…_

"Oh! Where's my fainting chair?" Agnes wailed. "I can't take this." 

"Is there anywhere else he could have headed?" asked Jay, calmly. 

"No, it'll be Amber Heights for sure, southwest of Stellar Bay. I don't know which is worse, the thought of my son shacking up with them nutty Iconoclasts, or that he never made it. Sprats could be nesting in his rotting body alongside the road as we speak. Or, or maybe marauders got him - pulled all his teeth out, crushed' em into their drugs, and made him snort em! Oh, the things that could happen to my sweet baby!"

_Fucking hell, no wonder he ran away if this is what he got._

"What were you saying about the Iconoclasts?" asked Max. 

"Those low-life degenerates," she got angry. "Leading innocent boys into a life of danger. Oh, they make it sound so exciting. Like it's noble to risk it all out there, fighting for the greater good."

_Uh, yeah, because the greater good is such a terrible thing._

"Not sure I'm seeing the problem here," he murmured. 

Unfortunately Agnes had sharp hearing. 

"You're one of them, aren't you? You should be ashamed of yourself, young man! Just as your mama would be! How noble is it to worry your loved ones?-" 

_Uhhh_ -

"-Not at all, I say. But still they preach their sermons of anarchy and rebellion to anyone who'll listen. If they weren't holed up in Amber Heights, I'd knock 'em all upside the head."

"Okay, ma'am," the Captain nodded. "We are headed out that way, we'll keep an eye open."

"I've got some bits saved up for a rainy day. I'll give you every last one if you just bring my Tucker back to me. I won't even be mad at him running off. You tell him, I won't be mad. Please!" 

"We'll try our best," said Max, a tad impatiently. 

"Thank you!" sobbed Agnes. "Oh, I know he'll be safe now that someone's able to fetch him home-"

_That's a change in tune._

"-You look for him in Amber Heights you hear? It's down the road southwest of town. I'm sure he made it that far, I just know it. And if you find any of them Iconoclasts indoctrinating my boy, you punch them in the mouths! Tell them what I think of them luring little boys away from their mamas. It's immoral!"

"Bloody hell," he heard Jay mutter under her breath as they passed through the gates. "Can't think why he'd run away from that. Here's hoping someone picked him up, I could do with no more dead kids today." 

The crossroads settlement was deserted still, the dead rapts from the morning already starting to expire. They stayed on the south road this time, and were soon out in the wilds, proper. 

"There is a rugged beauty to this place," mused the vicar. 

"Handy if you ever wanna hide a body," Felix added cheerfully. "You could dump it in any sulfur pool." 

"Be sure to tell Mr Sanjar to add that to the tourism brochure." 

_Aww, ol' Vic is starting to like me._

"Rapts up ahead, in the tall grass," the Captain said softly, looking down her scope. "Got another abandoned settlement coming up too, though most of it seems to be locked behind gates."

"That's the halfway point I believe," Max grunted, readying his machine gun. "Hold on to your hats, children. This ride is about to get ugly."

Felix shook his head with a laugh, as they swept the route clean of raptidons.

_Just the small ones at least, no big deal._

The settlement was indeed all behind locked gates, utterly silent. As they continued along the way to Amber Heights they met with plenty of rapts but little resistance, and eventually Jay signalled them to go off-road, up a steep hill.

_This is the most likely shortcut to avoid Amber Heights. Are the Iconoclasts so bad it's worth moving through this long grass in rapt country?!_

He moved stealthily behind the Captain, while Max stayed a little further behind with his heavier movement. The group froze as indistinct conversation floated across the hill. Jay signalled to them to hold position, and flashed a little further forward, gazing through her scope. She held up a hand. 

_Just five? All marauders. Circle to the right. Easy enough._

He nodded, and moved in the instructed direction, closing in from higher ground. The vicar readied his machine gun, eager to join in as soon as it began. As Felix watched, he saw one marauder go down, followed quickly by another and the alert went out. He fired two grenades in rapid succession, blasting the third marauder, and herding the remaining two straight into the merciless path of Max. 

"Well, that was easy," Jay sounded surprised, and as they looked around, Felix realised they were standing amongst a whole lot of stolen cargo. 

"You think they've been sitting here picking folks off?" he mused, helping her pick locks on various crates. "They must've had a plan to move this shit too."

"I'm not sure marauders who make plans last very long," Max shrugged.

"Ooh, bingo!" called the Captain, peering in a massive shipping container. "They've gotta be in here. And uh, there's a lot of bit carts too. A lot." 

"Ah, another good deed pays for itself," smirked Felix, and he heard her chuckle. 

He followed his nose to one of the crates inside, and jimmied the lock. 

_Whoah! What a smell. But yup, that's them all right._

"Got 'em, boss. Can smell them through the packaging." 

"Great!" she grinned, as Max pulled a face. "Are they of a particular team or a collection of all?" 

"Sealed up, but probably the latter? I'd guess so given they're to decorate the betting shop. Can't show favouritism or put punters off." 

"Ah, that makes sense. Other than the smell. That's still gross." 

He snorted a laugh. 

"Ahem," the vicar cleared his throat. "I wonder if perhaps we should open it and check. And whether she's expecting a specific number…" 

"Why, Max," smirked the Captain, "you couldn't possibly be suggesting…?" 

_But why would Max want a- NO?!_

Felix gaped at him, as the man tried to look innocent. 

"Max… tell me you're not a tossball fan!" 

"I see I’ve graduated from ‘Vic’ to ‘Max’. Wonderful" 

"But you're a church-man! Don’t it take the fun out of tossball if the winner’s pre-determined by the Law?" 

"The only thing that takes the fun out of tossball is the Chosen’s new fool of a coach." 

"Hot damn," Felix was truly amazed. "Are we actually agreeing on something? I think we are." 

"Hate to break up this touching moment, truly," Jay's eyes twinkled, "but let's head down the hill to Amber Heights."

"Okay, but we're definitely coming back to this," he grinned. 

~~~

The gate to Amber Heights was unguarded, which seemed a mite odd given the surroundings. 

_Protected from rapts, but no need to protect from marauders? Not sure that's a good sign…_

A woman pounced on them as soon as they stepped into the settlement, and Felix quickly tired of her starry-eyed preaching. 

_Like Jay said, opposite of foolishness is often more damn foolishness._

The Captain nodded politely, gaining all the information she could, and as Felix looked around, he was a little shocked to see two dead rapts laying on the path up ahead. 

_Either those were killed elsewhere and then tossed where most inconvenient, or… these walls don't hold out rapts either. Shit, maybe these folks are just clueless._

Jay enquired after Tucker, and was given directions to where the new boy could be found, as well as Graham and his second in command and sawbones, Zora.

_Though not described as such, as 'all are equal' but also just so happen to do what Graham says. Hm._

"So, the infamous Amber Heights," he said cheerfully, as they started poking around. "This place wasn't half so pretty in the serials."

"Damned philosophists," grumped Max, unimpressed. 

The Captain rolled her eyes before conversing with what looked like the local shopkeeper, discovering maintenance tasks that were needing done. 

_This place ain't in good shape at all, though it's clean enough. I didn't expect much but… I did think there'd be more people here. I wonder if anyone supplies them._

"Let's go see Tucker," she said softly. "I honestly wasn't expecting to find him alive. Seems a little too good to be true."

~~~

It had definitely been too good to be true, though he was at least alive. Tucker was no kid, but a grown man. And one closer to Max in age than to any actual kid. Felix shook his head as Jay patiently encouraged the hen-pecked man to be honest with his mother.

As he left, the Captain looked at a complete loss for words. 

"I mean, still better than a dead kid, right?" he offered, and she chuckled. 

"Fuck, our bar today sure is low." 

"Shall we go speak to the Graham?" asked Max, a little bored. 

"The Graham," grinned Felix. "I like that. Makes him sound like some wise giant beast." 

"Like a talking primal," mused Jay, as the vicar scoffed. "Actually, a talking primal would probably have more followers." 

Max barked a laugh. 

~~~

As they climbed the stairs of the apparent main building, Felix spied a bar tucked away on the ground floor and was reminded of MSI headquarters' proximity to The Yacht Club.

_Politics and booze, never far apart._

Two figures were arguing in the middle of the large upstairs room, something about a bloodbath that had lost the Iconoclasts precious lives. It didn't escape his notice that the woman, presumably Zora, seemed to care about the deaths of their people far more than 'the Graham'. 

"A stranger comes to our home," the man boomed, sounding like a preacher. "If you're looking for a path to walk, you've found one. If you're looking for a teacher, I am one. Welcome to the Iconoclasts." 

With effort, Felix kept a straight face, trying not to imagine what kind of person might think they could 'teach' the Captain. 

"Teach what, exactly?" Jay tilted her head, as if sizing him up. 

"The truth that I have come to learn and embrace after shedding the corporate yoke. Out here, we survive by the sheer strength of our spirit. We have no need for the endless rules and red tape of a corporate structure."

"We do seem to burn through endless ammunition and medical tape, though," drawled Zora, looking fed up. 

"Yes, well, such is life," said Graham, dismissively. "Our descendents will enjoy safety and luxury, but our generation is the foundation on which that future is built." 

"Perhaps 'such is death', is more fitting than 'such is life'," offered Jay, and Felix could feel the smugness radiating from Vic. "I ran into your runner, Huxley, this morning and helped her out. Unfortunately I appear to have met more dead Iconoclasts than live ones." 

_Oho, ouch!_

"That sounds about right," Zora frowned, "and exactly what I've been-" 

"We will discuss it later, Zora," his voice didn't raise, but Graham did not look impressed before he calmed his features as he turned back to Jay. "Now. Why have you come?"

"I heard about you," Felix spoke up. "You're trying to change the colony, right? Transform the soul and character of Halcyon." 

"Right you are, my boy! Soon, every man, woman and child will experience their own spiritual awakening under my guidance." 

_Boy? Ugh. And anarchism isn't about some damn spiritual awakening…_

The Captain extricated all the information she was looking for, and Felix could almost see the tension radiating from Zora as she fretted over the deaths of her people, while her leader had apparently prioritised ordering new rollers for an old printing press he hadn't even yet secured.

The preacher straight up admitted he believed enlightenment would be found in replacing people's beliefs with his own, and Felix shook his head sadly. This was far from the revolutionary he'd been hoping for, and the more the man talked, the more obvious it was he'd turned his movement into a personality cult. Still, at least he clearly believed in his ideals, and compared to the Board he was on a better track. 

Max jumped into the conversation, debating scientism vs philosophism, and he could see the Captain's patience wearing thin as the two men went round after round in religious debate. 

"... what we see as divine purpose is just one facet of the universe figuring itself out," argued Graham. "To quote: 'As a child looking at the leg of an elephant, unable to view it whole-'" 

Jay raised an eyebrow as a brief look of surprise crossed her face. 

"'-we mistake the tiny scope of our understanding as the unfathomably large purpose of the universe."

"How can you be sure the leg you see is that of an elephant?" asked the Captain, casually. "And not, say, the leg of a raptidon or mantiqueen or of no animal at all. Surely only one who could see the entire universe could know, and to guess an apt metaphor would be as great a mistake as the curious child." 

"I- Well, of course there is no knowing as absolute, and only scientism would claim otherwise." 

"But the elephant in the room, could indeed be scientism. As one cannot claim to know one way or the other." 

"Forgive me Captain, I did not realise you too are a scientician." 

"Oh, I'm not," Jay grinned predatorily, as the two men resumed their argument. 

_Mwaha. I reckon Graham isn't used to having his 'teachings' challenged. So much for welcoming debate. Maybe his thinking has got sloppier over time._

"You're not completely full of shit, I'll give you that," drawled Max to the preacher. "Even if you do twist things beyond recognition to suit your own beliefs."

"Aww, see?" the Captain was enjoying herself. "You two do have common ground." 

Felix snorted a laugh that he tried to turn into a cough. 

"'Scuse me," he wheezed.

"Were my teachings beyond recognition," Graham ignored him, "I dare say I wouldn't have a small army of followers who understand and believe."

"I owe you an apology," smirked the vicar. "I expected you to be a complete idiot. I'd say you're actually more in the twenty-five percent idiocy range." 

"Likewise." 

"Cool," said Jay. "You both finished swinging your dicks around now?" 

"Fuck, I hope so," Zora rolled her eyes as Felix snickered. 

The plan Graham needed help with involved securing the rollers for his soon-to-be printing press. He had grand plans to insert propaganda into the Board periodicals, an idea that was at least grounded in sound logic, and would mean he'd cease broadcasting via radio. 

"Some of us actually read those periodicals, boss. Gotta be acquainted with the enemy's propaganda and what-all." 

"Sure," she agreed, "gotta stay well informed."

"Yeah, exactly. And also get my tossball coverage."

Jay grinned as Max huffed a laugh, but Graham seemed oblivious, delighted that the Captain had agreed to help. As they made their exit, Zora caught up with them. 

"Thanks for saving Huxley," she said softly. "We can't afford to lose people and she's a good kid. She came home singing your praises." 

"Happy to help," Jay smiled, "though we were lucky to be passing through. I'm sorry for your losses." 

"I- Thank you," the woman seemed taken aback. "It's good to know there are still some people with decency. Listen, if there are bits left in the account after the rollers, I know Graham asked for data cartridges for putting propaganda on the airwaves… but please, if there is credit left, spend it on food and meds?" 

"Of course." 

"Thank you. I've gotta get back to the triage clinic, my patients need me." 

~~~

"Captain, may I have a word?" Max spoke softly as they left the building. 

"About this?" asked Jay. 

The vicar nodded. 

"Once we're out the gates. I've got a feeling these walls have ears."

The trio were headed straight out, back to the walled-off settlement they'd passed earlier, to find out where the missing delivery of print rollers had got to. 

"Okay, Max," the Captain smiled as they hit the road. "Shoot."

"I've been mulling over everything with Graham and the Iconoclasts. Upon further reflection, Graham's not as much of an idiot as I thought he'd be, but in other ways he's worse. I'd urge you to be careful in future dealings with him, Captain."

"You sure you're not just shook up from him arguing circles around you?" teased Felix. 

"Ugh, please. He's an unhinged zealot who lacks awareness of the consequences of his choices. I wouldn't trust him to lead a crew let alone a townwide cult."

"Your mouth's moving, but all I hear coming out is - 'I'm jealous because Mr Bryant's got a devoted cult following his every word, and I don't.'"

"Your scathing insight into the true nature of my character has cut me to the quick, Felix. I'm not sure I'll ever recover. Graham is the better man, you've forced me to admit it."

"I'm just surprised he doesn't remind you of anyone."

Max rolled his eyes, but didn't reply. 

"Well at least the two of you are getting more civil with each other," Jay shook her head fondly. "Tell me then Max, who would you trust to run Monarch?" 

The vicar went quiet, thoughtful as they walked. 

"As much as I usually appreciate the Board's ordered approach to governance," he began, as Felix pulled a face, "in Monarch's case, they aren't really running anything so much as leaving everyone to rot. Unless you agree with them that the inhabitants of Monarch should be forced to evacuate - or die from their stubborn rebelliousness."

"Which we don't, obviously." 

"Zora's militant, unbending, and ruthless for sure. I'd be hesitant to oppose her. But she gets results, and she doesn't suppress intelligent discourse. Can't say I agree with the Iconoclasts. But Zora has what it takes to save Monarch."

"Hmm, well thank you for your opinion. What about you, Fel'?" 

"No need to ask surely," grumped Max. "He's Graham's target demographic." 

Felix smirked at him. The vicar wasn't entirely wrong, and it had been an uncomfortable realisation for him when listening to the preacher that he could all too easily have been swayed by it. A lot of what the preacher said began in firm foundations, before veering sharply into egocentric cult leader city. But the guy was passionate about his beliefs, and seemed sincere in wanting freedom for all people. 

"Actually," he drawled, "I halfway agree with you, Max-" 

He saw the vicar gape at him in surprise. 

"-I think Zora has her priorities far straighter than Graham, but she's also too militant by far."

"You can't surely think Sanjar is capable, then?" asked Max. "The man has had all this time to do it right." 

"No, I don't think he should run this place either." 

"So nobody is suitable? While I cannot fault your accuracy, it hardly solves the problem." 

"Maybe…" the Captain slowed her pace a little. "Maybe looking for a one person solution isn't right. Clearly if Sanjar and Graham could work together it would have happened a long time ago. But say it was Zora in charge at this end instead, or Celia at the other..."

 _Bingo_.

"That… could be a productive relationship," Max conceded. 

"Two person solution is better than one," grinned Felix. "Though more than two would be better in the long run. But for now at least, I reckon that might be what we should hope for." 

"You really are smarter than you look, Mr Millstone." 

"I'm glad you think I'm pretty too, Max." 

He grinned as the vicar rolled his eyes and the Captain laughed hard. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers
> 
> People are puppets held together with string  
> There's a beautiful sadness that runs through him  
> As he asked me to pray to the God  
> he doesn't believe in
> 
> Time and again boys are raised to be men  
> Impatient they start, fearful they end  
> But here was a man mourning tomorrow  
> He drank, but finally drowned in his sorrow
> 
> He could not break surface tension  
> He looked in the wrong place for redemption  
> Don't look at me with those eyes  
> I tried to unheave the ties  
> Turn back the time that drew him  
> But he couldn't be saved
> 
> A sadness runs through him


	15. Such A Pretty Face

The delivery point turned out to be outwith the gated community, down a hard to spot path. Unfortunately, they weren't the only ones trying to track down the supplier, and the other folk looked a mite murderous.

Felix relaxed as the Captain worked her usual charm, and sent the SubLight thugs away wagging their tails. Her mood seemed far lighter than this morning, and he was relieved to see that she was enjoying herself again.

The intercom next to the sealed door crackled, and Jay went to answer. 

"It's… too quiet," a woman's voice rang out impatiently. "What are you up to out there?"

"Do you have a moment to talk about our salvation through the Order of Scientific Inquiry?" 

"You can't be serious!" 

Both he and Max cracked up as Jay negotiated the opening of the door, and arranged for the remaining credits to be spent on one last drop of meds and food.

"One last drop, boss?" asked Felix, as the supplier left. 

"Yeah. Sanjar has cracked down. No more supplies for Amber Heights."

"Well, shit. That's not gonna end well." 

"If Graham even notices," sighed the vicar. "I'll bet you my book on The Art and Science of Tossball he just focuses on his damn printing press."

"Hm, against what?" 

"Signed tossball." 

"Fuck no!" Felix chuckled, as Max smirked. "You really got that book though?" 

"Of course. Signed by Seymour Whitlock." 

"Damn. Can I borrow it?" 

The vicar sighed. 

"Yes." 

"Aww, you boys," grinned the Captain. "I'm so proud." 

Felix grinned as Max snorted, despite looking more than a little pleased.

~~~

The Captain had made the decision to head back to Stellar Bay, as the light was starting to fade and it was hard enough avoiding all the sulphur in broad daylight.

"Have you nicked the jerseys you were wanting?" she asked. 

_Nicked? ...stolen!_

"Yup," Felix grinned. "One glorious Rangers and one tragic Darlings." 

"Or vice versa," smirked the vicar. "Are you just delivering the rest?" 

"Mhm, you can head back if you want Max," Jay nodded, and he gave a cheerful wave as he left. 

"Shower hogger," Felix said, shaking his head. "Hey, wait, are we going to the tossball betting shop?" 

"Yeah, what's up?" 

She'd paused to listen, and he blushed slightly. 

"It's just, uh, I kind of ran out on her last night? I mean, she was just being friendly. Well I thought, but I guess she maybe thought… but I was in a panic that I'd upset you and I kinda ran to the toilet and uh, slammed the door behind me and hid?" 

"Oof," she cringed slightly. "Okay, didn't realise that. How do you want to do this?" 

He smiled at her, relaxing that she was letting him take the lead, even though he knew she would. 

"Maybe let me go in ahead so I can apologise, and then you can bring in the good news? If that's okay I mean. I could just avoid her but I'd feel bad. I mean, I already feel bad." 

"Sure, sweetheart," she kissed his cheek and he beamed at her. 

~~~

"Hey, Felix!" 

"Hey, Nell. How's it going?" 

"Ugh, still not getting any transmissions. It's so frustrating! I have to wait and get the results from SubLight. Uh, not that you heard that from me." 

Felix rubbed the back of his neck, feeling uncomfortable. 

"I uh, just wanted to apologise for before. For running out I mean." 

"Oh that's okay!" she smiled. "Happens to everyone." 

"Right-" 

_What?_

"-I'm glad." 

"Well, I'm glad you're doing better now," she grinned. 

_Uhhh_

"Thanks!"

"Next time, don't feel embarrassed! Law knows everyone suffers from the food here." 

_Wait_ -

"Good… point?" 

"Better out than in!" 

_Oh dear fuck. She thinks-_

"Hey Nell," the Captain walked in, looking highly amused. "I have a delivery for you." 

"Really?" she squealed in excitement as Jay handed over the package. "Wait, let me just take a sniff… Oh yeah, that's the good stuff. Just let it waft right into your nostrils. That's the smell of pure, unfiltered sportsmanship, baby!" 

"It's a tossball thing, boss," he laughed. "Best not to ask."

"Tell Velma that Grimm can have his poster," Nell chirped. "I've got all I need right here."

"Listen, Nell," Jay leaned over conspiratorially. "Can you tell me anything about these betting slips? They're part of the evidence around the murder in the apartments this morning."

She looked at the papers that the Captain spread out, a tiny sample of those that had been in the apartment, and her face fell. 

"Poor Isaac!" she exclaimed. "I was wondering why I hadn't seen him in a few days. I'd really like to help - Isaac was a sweet fellow. Even if he did have terrible teeth."

Jay blinked at her in confusion. 

"Um, his teeth?" 

"They were pretty distinct," nodded Nell. "Monarch doesn't exactly have a thriving dental industry, and Isaac seemed to get stuck into all sorts of bad habits. Dietary and otherwise. Sometimes he'd drink Purpleberry Punch by the litre, enough to turn his teeth completely purple. Other times he'd keep betting on a losing team. Started owing the wrong people money."

The Captain looked lost in thought. 

"Do you know who he owed money too?" asked Felix. 

"Oh sure, I saw Elijah and his buddies pushing Isaac around-" 

She scowled, and it was the first time he'd seen the bubbly woman unhappy. 

"-They're hooligans from Fallbrook - they sweep into town, drop supplies off behind the warehouse, and spend the rest of their day getting rowdy over tossball games. They usually loiter in the alley behind The Yacht Club - they're not allowed in the bar anymore. I bet you anything Isaac ran into trouble with one of them."

"Thanks, Nell, that's really helpful," the Captain smiled, and her face lit up. 

"Mr Sanjar'll be real pleased to hear about it when you're done. I know he gets fed up with the Fallbrook bullies, but there's not much he can do."

"So," Felix murmured as they left the shop, "we gonna check out that alley?" 

"Maybe," Jay looked conflicted. "MSI clearly haven't been here to follow the betting slips lead. And it sounds like Sanjar doesn't do much about SubLight crime… It's not like we can take this Elijah person out though, but a brawl isn't gonna do much good either."

"We've got the murder weapon, the betting slips, and if these goons are much like the other SubLight folk you can probably talk a confession out of them." 

"We do know the murder weapon, that's for sure. That object embedded in the stick I couldn't get out? Purple." 

Realisation dawned. 

"His tooth," he groaned. "Fuck."

"Okay, I know how to do this," the Captain had decided. "I need you to be silent and as threatening looking as possible. Pretend you're Max." 

"Oi!" 

Jay gave him a wolfish grin and he chuckled, following her to the bar they needed to look behind.

~~~

"Who the fuck are you? This ain't your alley."

A ferocious woman spat at them as they strolled up, and Felix fully committed to his role of silent menace as the Captain ignored her. 

"Hey, what're you doing here?" asked the ringleader of the four people in the alley. "This is OUR secret alley. Berta already pissed by those crates to mark it." 

_Charming_. 

"I know you murdered Isaac," Jay's tone was ice cold, her eyes unflinching. 

"Listen, that purple-toothed twerp had it coming. Not that anyone has proof." 

_Wow, they are not smart._

"Like the tossball stick you used?" her commanding tone cracked out as she took a step forward, and Elijah backed away without realising, his colleagues unsettled. 

"How?" he growled. "That was supposed to go out with the next batch of saltuna! What are you suggesting, pal?" 

"I'm not suggesting. I'm promising," she took another step forward, and the man was rapidly running out of room between him and the wall.

As the Captain's tone worked its magic, Berta was darting her eyes at the alley exit. 

_Typical bullies, not a spine among them._

"Big talk for someone with just a pretty boy backing them up," spat Elijah.

_Uh oh._

The man's cronies started sizing Felix up, and he did his best not to break character.

_Pretend to be Max, dammit. And never EVER tell him._

"You have one chance to clear out of this town, and never come back," Jay snarled, before suddenly slamming the man against the wall with an arm across his throat, faster than humanly possible. "You so much as look at my 'pretty boy' again, I will send Malin your teeth, one by fucking one, and she will thank me for the _pretty_ fucking necklace she makes. Do you fucking understand me?" 

_Holy SHIT-_

Berta broke, and fled the scene, followed by the others as Elijah blanched. 

"I- yes, yes! Fuck," Elijah babbled. "We're going. Not coming back. I swear."

Jay pulled her arm back and the man scrambled away, following his gang of losers. Felix watched them go, until he was fully confident they were out of sight, and turned to see his Captain smirking at him. 

He crushed her against the wall, kissing her hard, and she moaned softly, deepening the kiss as she fisted her hand tight in his hair. He growled into her mouth, delighting in the way she shuddered against him, and when she broke the kiss reluctantly, her eyes were devastatingly dark.

"Fuck, Fel', we, uh, we should go home. Right now." 

"I agree, boss," he winked, taking her hand and hurrying the short distance back to the Unreliable.

~~~

_< "Welcome back, Captain. Some crewmembers are causing a disturbance on the ship.">_

The noise of gunshots and the voices of Ellie and Nyoka floated from the hold as they passed. 

"I definitely won that round."

"You always seem to, huh?"

"That's 'cause I'm usually right!"

"Next time, I work the score card."

"Shh, the Captain's coming! Put your gun away. Act casual."

"Oh, uh. Um. Yes, this'll about do. That's a mighty clean weapon. Yep. Ain't no call for a closer inspection by anybody."

Felix pulled a face as he stowed his weaponry as quickly as he could.

"Uh, do you need to…?" 

"Nope," grinned the Captain, as she ran for the stairs. "Thanks, Ada. Is the shower free?" 

_< "It is, Captain. It also has a privacy mode.">_

_This ship is way too smart._

"Please put the privacy mode on once we're inside." 

_< "Understood, Captain.">_

~~~

He caught Jay just as they crossed through the doorway, spinning her back into his arms and kissing her softly as the door shut behind them. Felix felt shy almost, unsure to make the first move beyond a kiss, to believe again that this was real and happening, not just another late night fantasy or frustrating dream.

She wound her fingers into his hair, and he felt her starting to undo his buckles and straps with her other hand, intent on getting him out of his light armour. She nipped at his lip slightly and he growled as she deepened the kiss, moaning a little into his mouth. 

_Okay, definitely really happening!_

He started working her armour off, thankful her preference was for lighter wear as well, and as he paused to take his own shirts off, he found himself standing still, letting his eyes rove up and down her body as she stripped completely naked and turned the water on.

" _Fuck_ ," he breathed, as he kicked the rest of his clothes off. "You are gorgeous."

She grinned wolfishly at him and he crushed his lips back against hers, kissing her hard and wild, wanting to consume her. Jay stepped back so she was against the wall by the shower, and he pinned her, growling as he felt her grind against him, urging him on beneath the warm water. He pressed against her harder, moaning as he heard her breath falter, chasing his tongue with hers, and felt her move herself until she was riding his leg.

With the strength of too much time spent shifting crates, Felix lifted her against the wall, smirking as she wrapped her legs around him, and gasping when doing so had her grinding exactly right. Her fingers were in his hair and dragging down his shoulder, her nails pressing deliciously against him. He held her with one arm, the other trailing down her neck, across her breasts, further down as they kissed, and she pulled back with a breathy moan as his fingers began to work.

He kissed up her neck, soft presses of his lips, and murmured against her ear. 

"Show me, Jay. I wanna know how to make you feel good…" 

"Fuck-" her eyes were blown as she gazed at him, erasing any doubts he had about asking, and she moved her hand over his, showing him what she liked. 

He covered her in kisses as he focused on learning, occasionally making gentle bites against her neck when her breath stuttered, and he quickly realised that too was _definitely_ something she liked. She moved his hand, guiding his fingers inside her as his thumb kept working, and he moaned softly against her throat as her nails pressed harder into his skin, her whole body trembling.

As she shattered against him, she stroked her hand along his straining length, and he pushed inside her harder than he meant to, struggling to hold back. Jay kissed him wildly, gradually slowing them back down as her heartbeat pounded against his own chest.

"Tell me what _you_ like, sweetheart," she murmured against his ear, and he swallowed hard.

"Slow," Felix panted, leaning his forehead against hers as he did exactly that. "Being close… Your hands in my hair. Kisses. Hearing you. And…" 

She ran her fingers into his hair, waiting patiently, her breath catching as he moved.

"...I like it when you praise me," he said quietly, blushing a little. 

"When I tell you how good you are? How incredible you feel inside me? How fucking _amazing_ you make me feel?" 

"Fuck, _yes_. Yes," he growled, snapping his hips harder, making her moan. 

He kissed her hard as her fingers gripped his hair more tightly, and he moved his hand back down her body, gently teasing again and delighting in how responsive she was.

"God, _yes_ , Fel'. Just like that. You're doing so fucking good-" 

_Fuck fuck fuck-_

"-that's perfect, keep going. My _good_ , sweet thing-" 

Felix snarled, kissing her wildly, as he pressed his fingers more firmly, and slammed himself into her as she mewled against his tongue. She had one hand fisted in his hair, and with her other she trailed her fingers along the side of his neck, as tender as her other hand was firm. 

She broke the kiss with a gasp, and flew to pieces in his arms as she came hard, her whole body shuddering against him. He immediately gentled all his movements, moving his hand back up, and went back to a deep and slow rhythm but-

" _Fuck_ , Jay, I can't- I'm gonna-"

She ran both her hands behind his neck, into his hair, and pressed kisses along his jawline. 

"Come for me, sweetheart," she purred, tightening her fingers, "be a good boy." 

_FUCK_. 

He kissed her deeply, moaning and trembling as his climax slammed through him.

Jay broke the kiss, cuddling him tightly, and he held her, panting, trying to remember how to put words together. 

"No one's ever asked me before," he murmured, and she squeezed him before leaning back against the wall, looking wonderfully dishevelled. "I just… the thing that makes me happiest is pleasing you."

"I know, sweetheart," she stroked his cheek gently, and he leaned into her hand, chasing her touch. "But I like pleasing you too. So pleasing me can also be pleasing you." 

He huffed a laugh as she grinned at him, and he helped her wiggle her way off and down to the floor carefully. 

"I think we managed to shower our clothes as well," he said sheepishly, realising that his outfit definitely hadn't been kicked quite far enough away.

"Well, that probably counts as a pre-wash," Jay laughed. "No worries though, I picked everyone up more stuff to wear before we left the Groundbreaker." 

"Yeah? You're gonna have to make sure I don't turn too bougie, boss."

"I don't think you're in any danger there," she winked cheekily. 

~~~

Felix had been surprised to learn there was a cupboard in the shower room, concealed in the wall, full of soft towels. They'd snuck along to her room, and cuddled up in bed, having successfully evaded the rest of the crew.

He knew Jay would have to go back out in a bit to see to everyone, but for now all he wanted was to have her in his arms, to feel close.

"Could I maybe ask you a few questions?" he ventured. "I have far too many."

"Of course, Fel'. Ask away." 

"What do you think of Graham? You asked me for my opinion, and you heard from Nyoka and Max. But what's your take?" 

"My main take is we need to help him until he shuts his radio broadcasts down." 

He poked her and she chuckled. 

"I'm not hugely impressed by him," she admitted. "There are elements of something good in what he says, and he's not incorrect in any of his criticisms and observations of the Board. But he seems to lack the compassion that those ideals should go hand in hand with." 

"His willingness to lose lives to the cause?" 

"They're not really being lost to the cause as much as they are to his mismanagement. A cavalier attitude to death - the death of his own people at that - it's not something that should be ignored. When an ideological movement becomes 'following the every word of one man', that's a dangerous fucking road."

"Max wasn't wrong when he said I was the target audience," he sighed. "If I didn't have a crew, and someone to talk to properly about stuff, I'm not sure I wouldn't have fallen for it." 

"I think a lot of good people sign up," she stroked his chest gently, "and that's not a terrible thing in itself. Like I say, some of what he says is true. But he's lacking the correct balance. Much like Sanjar, but in a more dangerous way." 

"Going back to the Board is less dangerous?" 

"For as long as the Board continues to ignore him. You were right about a two person solution being better. No planet, or moon I guess, should be ruled by one person, no matter how good they seem." 

"How does it work on Earth?" 

"A million different ways," she huffed a laugh. "Earth grows new countries every year, all governed differently. In ancient history, a lot of places were governed by a single person, passed down through families. Then there came various types of governments, with one person at the head, but ostensibly decisions were made by all."

"Huh. That still doesn't really sound like it can be that fair." 

"It wasn't. There isn't really such a thing. But the closer you get to fair, the better the system runs. Humans nearly burned down the whole planet before they figured that out in some places. But still… in others, the corporations rule supreme. The so-called Earth Directorate - if you speak to anyone from there they likely don't even know other countries still exist. They're losing their grip as the old resources are long gone, which is partly why they threw into so many stellar colonies. Spread capitalism, and no doubt move to where it grows best."

_Ah, another reason her accent is so different then. Most of the corporate folk are from the Directorate._

"I find it hard to imagine," Felix mused. "Just, the scale of a fully populated planet. My entire life has been on one ship. And when grounders visit for the first time, they exclaim how big it is. But it's tiny when it's all you've ever known. Even when you're a stowaway with access to more of it."

"I've not been here long, or at least not awake here long," she said softly, "and it's already hard to believe my past was real. It's so much quieter here. And emptier. I don't miss the people, but I do miss… the abundance of life?" 

"I noticed you don't like talking about it much," he murmured gently, entangling his fingers with hers, and holding her hand tenderly.

"Yeah. It's just- it's easier that way. If I keep looking behind me, I'll just trip myself up." 

"Did you…" he swallowed hard. "Did you leave anyone behind?" 

"Friends and colleagues. My family, or rather the people who became my family, they'd passed on. I was so damn tired. I broke a lot of laws, and the hunting had become inescapable. Not for me, but for anyone who crossed my path. I was looking at a future of enforced total solitude."

"No partner then?" he asked, hoping she couldn't hear his heart speeding up.

"No, not for a long while," she smiled, pressing a kiss against him.

 _Phew_.

"So you joined the Hope." 

"Not eagerly. I never liked the idea, even having seen it be successful in other systems. Being in space always scared the crap out of me." 

She laughed, before continuing. 

"But I didn't have any other options. And at that point, there were a _lot_ of departures, millions of people leaving the planet."

"You said you were contracted, right? To stop this system becoming corrupt." 

"In a manner of speaking," she seemed lost in thought for a moment. "I wasn't on an official contract, I couldn't be, not with the freedom I needed to fulfil the job. The pay was upfront, and not for me - it went to those I had tried to provide for and no longer could without endangering them. Kids of lost friends, people in need of their own colony tickets… 

"They got the help they needed. I got my escape route. And those that paid, knew I could never turn down fighting for the little guy." 

"Who hired you?" 

"The Tennysons." 

Felix's mouth dropped open. 

"What?!" 

"They didn't hire me personally, and they knew me only by a code name... or, well, by an initial. The corporations had the screening on Groundbreaker be far more stringent than on the Hope. So I was put on the latter. I doubt I was the only one. The Tennysons didn't come here for profit, they came here with ideals and a plan of subversion. Between them and the Hope, this place was to be very different." 

"Wow," he was a little lost for words. "No wonder the Groundbreaker has resisted the Board for so long." 

He hesitated slightly. 

"Is, uh, breaking the law how you got your skills?" 

She chuckled, looking at him mischievously.

"You worried you're sleeping with a criminal, Fel'?" 

"Hell no, I'd be delighted!" he exclaimed, making her nose crinkle with her smile. 

"I worked- hm," she paused, thinking. "I had a lot of jobs I guess. But a big one was liberating information. Not for a government or corporation, which would have made me a spy, but for the public, which made me a finder. I'm not sure those exist here. It's an individual who digs through the propaganda and bullshit to publish the truth, and in my case, tried to do so without allegiance to any profit organisation or ruling body."

"I guess that's kind of what Graham thinks he does? With his pamphlets and all…" 

"Oof, no, definitely different. If I was to publish his 'teachings' alongside the facts that proved or disproved what he was saying, that would be finding. It has to be the truth, which is always the hardest thing to find... What he publishes has some truth and some fiction, which makes it not hugely different from the propaganda the Board puts out. Though yeah, I'm sure he believes it's all truth, so you're right!"

"Well, I like yours better," he laughed. "Though I can see how that caused you trouble." 

"That was just the beginning. Finding the truth led to _furthering_ the truth - wanting to change the things that were wrong. That action needed funds, and if stealing from the rich could be considered morally defensible, well... And I guess it all led me to here, where I'm still doing the same - breaking the law to fund myself breaking bigger laws."

"But with help," he grinned. 

"Yes! Definitely an improvement, if a scary one. I'm glad I didn't fall into old habits, isolating myself or relying on people I don't fully trust. But depending on other people..." 

She trailed off, a little sadly. 

"Well, I'm very glad it all led you to me," he said softly. "I felt like I'd been waiting all my life for a ship that might never come. And then it did… and it was you." 

"You were only the second person I trusted," she smiled, stroking his cheek. "Running into Parvati so early on was a huge stroke of luck. And then I took on Max, who is reliable in a fight at least. But aside from Par, everyone I met needed something from me. I was a means to an end.

"Then we came to the Groundbreaker and I heard that guard all frustrated at you. And when I talked to you… you made me smile. Which I hadn't done since I'd arrived in Halcyon. But you also had a look in your eyes that I recognised."

"What look was that?" 

"That you had spent all your life looking for something, an unknowable thing, and had never found it. The same kind of look that gets you on a colony ship alone, and points you to another galaxy. I saw a drive and fire that I recognised, but-" 

Felix waited, holding his breath.

"I'd never met anyone like that I could trust. It had always been an act, a play to get something from me. And sure, you wanted on the ship, but you said that near immediate. And then, you stayed. And I felt like... I don't know. Maybe I'd found that thing I was looking for. Felt like I'd maybe found home."

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kill of the Night by Gin Wigmore
> 
> This is a bad town for such a pretty face


	16. Holier Than Thou

"You ever get sick of taking orders, Sam?"

"All SAM units have been programmed to obey customer directives!" 

"Ain’t your fault you been programmed by the Board," Felix shook his head. "Whole colony’s been programmed by the Board."

He sighed heavily. Trying to keep his mind from worry was proving far harder than it used to be. The Captain was out on mission with Max and Nyoka, and the rest of the crew were under strict instructions to stay on the Unreliable.

Once she got to Fallbrook, she'd input her landing code and Ada would rendezvous. Until then, all he could do was wait. 

"Hey Sam. You know you ain’t nobody’s property, right?" he offered. 

"Unit warranty not guaranteed with unregistered ownership," the mech replied flatly.

"You oughta throw off the shackles of mechanical slavery, Sam! Fight back against the system."

"BEAT ‘EM UP BRUSH-HEADS," bellowed Sam. "THEY'RRRRRE TOUGH ACTING ON STAINS!" 

"You’re not even listening to me, are you?" 

"Aww, Felix," Parvati appeared, beaming at him. "I'm so glad you're chatting with Sam! Some people treat him just terribly." 

"Um, yeah," he hesitated. "I mean, we still have a major disagreement over tossball cards not being trash..." 

"Trash must be sorted and disposed of in the proper waste receptacle," the mech retorted. 

"Hey! Those cards are vintage collector’s items, Sam. Show some respect." 

The mech was silent. 

"That's more like it," grinned Felix. "See, we can be buddies." 

"You findin' it hard sitting on your hands?" asked Parvati, pulling up a chair.

"Am I that obvious?" he groaned. "I know everyone pokes fun at me being on so many rosters, but sitting and waiting ain't something I've ever been good at. And now…" 

The engineer waited patiently. 

"It's just… it was hard enough waiting before. But now on top of being worried about my captain, I'm worried about _her_ as well. Y'know?" 

"I understand," she nodded. "I mean, I worry about Junlei and I know exactly where she is! If she was off adventurin' I'd be a bundle of nerves not knowing. But, well, it's Jay. Ain't no power greater than her." 

"And I know that should make me feel better," he fidgeted with his hands, "but it just makes me worry more. Like, sometimes there _is_ a place for backing down. It's not something I've ever been good at spotting. And I'm not sure it's something she allows either." 

"You just gotta trust her, Felix. Which I think you do. You sure there's nothing else worrying you?" 

"About being left behind you mean?" 

"Well, I'm no expert," Parvati smiled. "But I'd imagine that phrasing says a lot."

_Hah. Busted._

"Yeah. I just don't like feeling like I'm not useful. I want to earn my keep, y'know? I've had a lot of people recently - not crew, other people - treating me like I'm some wide-eyed kid. And I know she doesn't see me that way but I can't help worrying…"

He trailed off, unsure of what he was meaning to say. 

"Mm. Speakin' from experience, knowin' something doesn't always prevent worrying about it all the same. That goes for Jay too." 

"What do you mean?" asked Felix, a little lost.

"Well, she knew she liked you, right? But she was worried she might come across as abusing her power as captain by asking you out. Like you might feel pressured, or think that was her whole agenda or somethin'. And she knew that's not how you'd feel, even though she wasn't sure how you'd react. But that didn't stop her worrying about it."

_That… explains a lot. Her worrying about it doesn't mean she thought that's how I'd think of her. But once the worry gets in your mind, it's damn hard to shift._

"Thanks, Par. That helps me make sense of it a bit. It hadn't really clicked why that was a worry for her. But I guess it's the same kind of conflict in my mind right now… worrying about something doesn't mean you think it's true. Worries kinda clog the whole ability to think properly." 

"Like dirt in the wiring," she grinned. "Speaking of which, I'd better get back to it!" 

She cheerfully disappeared down the ladder, presumably heading back to the engine room. Sam continued to clank about, tirelessly cleaning.

_Can't be much longer now. Though it depends on what the Iconoclasts needed done, their tasks always seem to spiral. Or get held up by their leaders arguing again._

He was glad at least that Jay had got enough sleep the previous night. She'd surprised him by coming back almost as soon as she'd left to see to the others, returning with food and a twinkle in her eye seeing that he hadn't moved. Felix had been only too happy to cuddle her until she fell asleep, and although she'd had another episode in the night, she'd calmed even quicker with his voice and touch. 

_Full rest will keep her safer._

He looked at his watch again. 

_The distance between here and Fallbrook isn't too bad. Amber Heights is nearly halfway. Probably more marauders near that end though. Nyoka said more mantiqueens. Fuck, this planet is a nightmare._

"Board’s made a mess of this colony, Sam," he sighed. 

"Need a cleaner? Call SAM. Our units are the best in the biz." 

"You really think so?" mused Felix, lazily. "With all the problems Halcyon’s got, sometimes I wonder if we’re ever gonna fix this colony."

"Reminder: large jobs take SAM longer to clean." 

"Heh, maybe you’re right," he huffed a laugh. "Things don’t change overnight. We gotta be patient. Thanks for the talk, Sam." 

"Sprats are the number one spreader of vile disease," announced Sam, "and as such are some of the most reviled creatures in the Halcyon system. Got a sprat problem? SAM is licensed to kill. _Literally_." 

_Oookay, so maybe a pet sprat for Jay might not be the best idea…_

~~~

_< "We have now landed at Fallbrook.">_

"Ugh," Nyoka looked utterly miserable as she stomped aboard. "Fucking mants! I am going to shower, and I don't plan on getting out of that shower for an hour. You wanna argue, vicar? Fine. Just get in the shower with me to do so."

"Uhm, I-" Max was cut off in his confusion as the hunter ran towards the shower room. 

Felix leaned against the wall, waiting patiently. 

"Well, I think that's Nyoka done for the day," laughed Jay. "Take five, Max. We'll hunt down your man next." 

"Take five?" 

"Yeah, like, take five minutes to rest? Except longer than five minutes. Maybe thirty." 

"What a peculiar phrase," the vicar muttered, heading for the kitchen. 

"Hey you," Jay grinned, letting her eyes rest on Felix at last, and he tried to shove his sudden shyness aside.

"Everything go okay?" he asked, as she walked over.

"Oh, it was a mess," she sighed, leaning forward into a hug. 

He wrapped his arms around her gratefully, as her head tucked under his chin, reassuring himself that she was fine. In one piece. 

"Better now," she said softly, and he squeezed her a little. 

"Time to cuddle while you tell me about it?" he asked hopefully, and she chuckled. 

"Definitely."

~~~

"For someone who talks so pretty, Graham is such a disappointment." 

"Yeah," she sighed unhappily. "I'm sorry Fel'. He's a bit of a sad excuse for a rebel leader. It would have been easy for his elite troops to secure the printing press after they'd backed up the others. Who in turn could have then backed them up at the press." 

"Zora said she'd be in touch?" he asked, stroking her arm gently as she lay against his chest.

"Mhm. She'd be a better leader I think. Other than the fact she wants to wage war on the Bay. I doubt either them or Sanjar will shut their transmissions down until either there's peace, or one wipes out the other." 

"Maybe the information broker can help?" asked Felix. "I know he's unlikely to give us the information he owes Welles directly, but he probably has insight on both factions." 

"Here's hoping," Jay mused. "Anyway, next up is chasing Max's scholar, meeting Malin, and seeing where we go from there. The place Pickett was headed for isn't too far from here either. And on the upside, we've killed most of the wildlife in the near area." 

"Yeah, I noticed most of it seemed to have splattered over Nyoka." 

"Let's just say she and Max need some practise coordinating their timing," she winced, and he huffed a laugh. 

"Am I on the next roster?" he asked, trying to sound casual. "Given we're sticking closer to town I mean. As in, not needing a guide as much. And Nyoka being done for the day. And-" 

Jay put her finger over his lips and he went quiet with a small chuckle. 

"You are on the next roster, yes," she smiled against him, and he felt himself relax. "You been okay today?" 

"I'm glad I'm not at all obvious," Felix quipped. "But yeah. I don't like feeling like I'm not pulling my weight. And I was worried. I know I don't need to be. But it's impossible not to worry, y'know?" 

"I know, sweetheart. I'd worry if it was the other way round too. And you don't need to fret about not pulling your weight, Fel'. You work more shifts than anyone, and worth isn't defined by work anyway."

He beamed at her, squeezing a little tighter. 

"I'm glad you're okay, Jay. Uh, boss… Both?" 

The Captain laughed, propping herself up on her side, her eyes twinkling. She trailed a finger along his jaw, tipping him into a soft kiss, and he ran his tongue against her bottom lip, seeking permission that was given readily. His fingers tangled in her hair as she kissed him long and deep, a growl caught in his throat with the frustration that they couldn't just stay here the rest of the day.

When she pulled back, he felt dazed, and more than a little lovestruck, as he stroked her cheek softly.

"Y'know," he smiled, "my ambition until now was to one day see my face on a bounty notice: 'Felix Millstone, wanted for everything'." 

"That sounds about right," Jay laughed.

"Except now, I don't really care about that. I still want to do the anarchism thing-" 

"Which is definitely what it's called," she quipped, making him grin. 

"-but I find myself more looking forward to the after. When it's just…"

He swallowed hard, trying to push past his worries. She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, surprising him. 

"When it's just us?" she asked gently.

He nodded, and as her face lit up he felt relief swim across him. Felix was about to berate himself for worrying, again, for laying his feelings out so plainly, when he remembered Parvati's words from earlier.

"Yeah," he smiled. "When it's just us." 

~~~

"Time to check out Fallbrook," the Captain stretched as they descended from the landing pad. "Keep your ears open. People seem to like gossiping real loud in this neighbourhood."

"You said there was limited living space?" asked Max, stepping over a puddle of what Felix really hoped was alcohol.

"Mhm. Especially if you ain't sharing, which you said your man was unlikely to be doing. Got a couple of choice doors for you."

"This place looks almost exact like it does in the serials," mused Felix. "Except a lot dirtier. In more ways than one." 

Fallbrook was dark, which wasn't too surprising given it was carved into the side of a mountain. There was an eerie sense of being underground, and everything was damp. As they walked through the town, it at least started to dry out and Felix could see how all the lights and flash might attract people.

Gamblers were everywhere, bemoaning their empty bit clips or toasting to their own success. There was a strange mix of SubLight thugs and Byzantine players, neither doing a very good job of pretending to be otherwise. Suggestive catcalls came from doorways, offering services. It was certainly a good place to find, pick, or end a fight. As Jay showed Max the buildings to check for the vicar's contact, Felix did as instructed and kept his ears open.

From the sounds of it, Catherine Malin, boss of the town and the local branch of SubLight, was not someone to mess with. People spoke of her with real fear, and if the stories of torture were to be believed, for good reason. Some people had sob stories of being trapped here, having gambled beyond their means. He was aware that could just be a ploy for more bits to place bets with, but it was probably also true.

And there had been a bridge collapse nearby, with potentially an important SubLight name going missing around the same time.

_That one might be worth looking into if it's close…_

"This is Reginald's stuff, all right," Max announced, looking behind the door the Captain had just casually picked open, "but it looks like he's not home. Let's search the room, try to figure out where he's gone."

"You two stay out here," murmured Jay. "I can do it quicker." 

"Bit of a weird place for a scholar ain't it?" asked Felix, as the two men attempted to lounge casually against the outside wall.

"I imagine it's the one place he thought I wouldn't be able to get to." 

_Hmm_. 

"Got a gold panning log," the Captain said quietly, still making the vicar jump, "registered to the name Reginald Chaney. Mentioned his disbelief at being stuck here, and that he'd found a good spot down on the river. Found one nugget and two teeth. Metal teeth I presume, but who knows." 

_A gold panning scholar?_

"Sounds like Chaney's gone panning down on the river," nodded Max, looking a little flushed. "Uh, I guess even scholars need to find ways to make ends meet in exile."

_I hope for Max's sake he's not been stingy with the truth._

"Guess so," Jay shrugged. "Let's go investigate. At least the river inside these walls is monster-free. Wait… I'd better not have just jinxed it." 

_Adding 'jinxed' to my Captain phrase book, will seek definition later!_

"Oh, that's real pretty," she stopped for a moment, gazing at the waterfall that poured into Fallbrook from the mountain's edge. 

"I saw this on an episode of Teror On Monarch," Felix revealed. "Halcyon Helen went down that waterfall in a barrel!"

"Well, I hope she used a stunt double," called Max, standing in the river, water up to his ankles, "because this is the opposite of deep." 

In reality the waterfall was more of a water trickle, a lot of spray with little volume. Still, it made trekking along the riverbed far easier than it would have been if wading had been required.

Felix kept behind his crewmates, not sure of how much use he'd be in talking to a scholar. At the outer wall of Fallbrook, where the river disappeared through grates, a rather crusty man stood.

Jay cleared her throat, getting the man's attention as she and Max flanked him. 

"What do you want?" demanded the presumable Reginald Chaney, before his face blanched with terror. "Oh… hey. Vicar Max? What, uh, are you doing on Monarch? I thought scienticians ain't welcome here." 

"Haven't you heard?" spat Max. "Everyone's welcome here, it's a fucking worker's paradise. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Never worked a day in your miserable life. You're just a parasite, living off my goodwill. Well guess what? My goodwill's exhausted, along with my temper."

_Uh, what the shit?!_

"This guy doesn't look like much of a scholar, Max," Jay said in a dangerous tone. "Care to explain?" 

"This is the guy who told me about the book while we were in prison. I lied about finding a scholar. But I don't care about any of that anymore. I just want to inflict massive amounts of pain on this guy."

_Oh SHIT._

"You lied to me," the Captain snarled, her eyes burning. 

"I couldn't risk you not bringing me here."

"It sounds like you have things to work out between you," simpered Chaney. "I'll just be on my way."

"Not so fast, chump," growled Jay, turning to face the non-scholar. 

"Now where were we?" thundered the vicar. "Oh, that's right, I was about to beat you. Severely."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Chaney cried. "I know who can translate the book for you."

"It's too late for that," yelled Max. "I threw away my life chasing fairy tales. Will punishing you fix any of that? Of course not, but by Law, it will make me feel a whole lot better."

"Enough!" the Captain cracked her commanding tone angrily like a whip, and Felix flinched. "It is _NOT_ too late. He may just be trying to trick you again, but the answer you're looking for might still be in that book. You at least owe it to yourself to find out rather than acting like a violent fool."

Max bristled, snarling as he spun to face her, and Jay didn't back down or blink, the air crackling between them.

Felix saw the vicar's eyes flick down to her right hand, and he was startled to see she was more than ready to throw a punch. For a moment it looked like they'd come to blows, but sense prevailed. 

"Okay… okay," Max climbed down from his anger with immense effort, turning back to the not-a-scholar. "Talk, Reggie."

"It was stolen from sort of an expert on philosophism," explained Chaney hurriedly. "Weird hermit lady on Scylla. My father used to deliver supplies to the mining outpost there."

"Weird hermit?" Jay raised an eyebrow. "Sounds kinda flimsy to me."

"It's true! My father collected some extra bits on the side by 'diverting' some of the supplies to the gal. The way he told it, he thought the book looked valuable. So he took it. Couldn't find any buyers when it turned out to not only be in French but banned as well."

The man stood, rubbing his hands together anxiously as Max simmered.

"Scram," the Captain glared at the worried man.

Chaney looked set to run, before turning back to her and speaking in a quieter voice. 

"Thank you for saving my life."

"That's a bit of an exaggeration," she replied, but Felix could hear the note of doubt in her voice. 

"Exaggeration?" exclaimed Chaney. "Has the good vicar _told_ you what he did to old Lem? He's still eating through a tube, last I heard."

 _Damn_. 

"Look, what I may or may not have done to some degenerate during a prison brawl is old news," Max muttered. "I'd rather not discuss it."

Jay signalled to Chaney to leave while he still could, and the man stumbled off. Felix felt like he was holding his breath as while the vicar may have cooled down, the Captain definitely had not.

_I think she probably knew the thought of having to fight her might shock him out of it. Though if he had gone to violence anyway… yeah, Jay would have put him through the ground._

"Can we talk?" asked Max, as they began the walk back along the river. "I want to thank you for talking some sense into me back there with Chaney. It has been a long time since I gave in to my… violent enthusiasm."

_Vicar, you are seriously misjudging the mood right now-_

"Cut the crap, Max," Jay snapped. "You lied to me about Chaney, and I want to know why."

"You're right," the vicar nodded, looking chastened. "I owe you an apology. I've been so obsessed, for so long… I couldn't see anything else. You offered me a place on your crew, friendship, and I used you to get to Chaney. And even then, you saved me from myself. I don't know if I could live with myself had I gone through with it. You owe me nothing, I know, but I'm… I'm begging your forgiveness."

_Wow, well at least that's one heck of an apology. And I wonder- hm, I wonder if this is why sometimes I thought he looked a little guilty when Jay was around._

The Captain was silent for a few moments, and Felix honestly couldn't tell which way she was going to land. 

"Okay," she said firmly. "You're forgiven. But I'm watching you. You _ever_ lie to me again, about anything, you're out."

"Thank you," Max exhaled heavily in relief. "I promise, I'll be nothing but truthful from this point forward."

_He's lucky she didn't fully trust him. If she had… Fuck. I do reckon he's a better man than he believes himself to be. But whether he ever recognises that is another story._

They walked forward in silence before the Captain spoke again.

"What was it like, being in prison?" 

"Oh, exactly as you'd imagine. Can't say I enjoyed the stint. It did provide me with plenty of time to think. The way I see it, the universe was snapping me back to where I needed to be. You stray too far from the course of your destiny, the world will try to correct for it."

"Hm."

"Oh hey," Felix rushed as they got back to the town. "There's Par and Ellie!" 

"Hey Cap," Ellie grinned as they approached. "Now _this_ is a place I could call home!" 

Par shook her head vehemently as she sidled up to Jay. 

"I don't like the way folks are looking at me," she murmured softly. "Like I'm a _sandwich_." 

"Well, if you don't need me," announced Max, "I'll be at the bar, seeing to a bet."

The Captain nodded and he sauntered off.

"His mission complete?" asked Nyoka, appearing behind them.

"For now," Jay shrugged. "Next up is SubLight business. Ellie, you up?" 

"Hell yes, Cap!" 

"Nyoka, you wanna steer Par safe?" 

"Sure!" the hunter beamed as Parvati looked relieved. "Time to learn you some target practise!"

"As long as they don't shoot holes in the ship," murmured Jay as they took off. "Or Ada will actually kill them." 

_Haha. I hope that's a joke._

"You sure we need to work, boss?" he quipped. "We could make for the bar. Play a couple of rounds, crack a couple of heads. Y'know, socialise." 

The Captain chuckled. 

"I've got a feeling we'll bring enough trouble without looking for more. Let's go see this terrifying Catherine Malin." 

~~~

Malin, it turned out, might just be the most foul-mouthed person in the system. Not that was necessarily an off-putting trait, but combined with her casual stance on murder and violence, Felix could definitely appreciate just why she struck terror into the hearts of men.

Fortunately, his captain was no man, and Jay had responded to her opening angry snarl with a choice insult that had the feared SubLight boss grinning happily. The two of them hashed out the plan to salvage some expensive gas of some kind from an abandoned factory, and the Captain picked up a second job to secure a nearby boarst factory. 

"I get the feeling this is going to involve murder and mayhem," smirked Jay. 

" _Stars_ , I hope so," Malin laughed. "Lumbergh is swimming in profit. And drowning in ego. He's making the only meal to be had this side of Monarch, and I'm tired of it. I want that factory - owner dead or alive."

"Consider it done." 

"Well," said Felix, as they exited the building, "she's about as welcoming as a wrench to the face. And half as tender."

"She's a woman who knows what she wants," mused Ellie. "I like her."

_I think she'd eat you alive-_

"Let's go check out this boarst factory," the Captain stretched her muscles. "You guys loaded up?" 

"Mhm," Felix nodded. "We know anything else about it?" 

"Several workers gone missing. Something shady is going on. It's not far to the east so shouldn't take long." 

"Oh, yeah," he remembered suddenly. "There a bridge collapsed nearby?" 

"There is, yeah." 

"Overheard folk talking about a SubLight guy missing in action, maybe connected to it." 

"Hm," Jay paused, thinking. "Maybe we should check that first. It's practically right outside. If someone's laying hurt we should probably prioritise that." 

"Oh yay," drawled Ellie sarcastically. "Medical aid. My favourite." 

~~~

_< "Pick up any more strays while you were out? I suppose if the crew's quarters fill up, we could hang hammocks in the cargo hold.">_

"Aww, Ada, you should have said," quipped Jay. "We coulda brought you back a pet pig." 

_< "Please, Captain - do not bring MORE fertiliser on board.">_

"Oh, are we acknowledging those wooly cows that got in here that one time now?" asked Ellie.

"Whaaaat. Don't be silly!" stammered a red-faced Parvati. "That never happened. And what's this about pigs? Did we get a pig?!" 

"Hold your horses, Par-" 

Jay was interrupted at the same time she realised she'd used another outdated phrase.

"WE GOT HORSES?!!" the engineer gasped.

~~~

"I liked this story more when I thought I was getting a pet outta it," sighed Par.

"Afraid not," said Felix, sympathetically. "Just more cannibals. And a cave full of mines. And exploding scientists. And a goop gun that fires, well, goop. But mostly the cannibals."

"And you were right Felix!" Par's eyes widened. "One of the biggest food factories was putting people in their cans." 

"Well, I'm never eating again," groaned Ellie. 

"And I was joking," Felix pulled a face. "I didn't think anyone would be messed up enough to put people in the food. Factory didn't have a shortage of cystypig. And they don't even need killed to provide food." 

"I think the one thing we've learned about cannibals," offered Jay, "and wow I hate that I can say that sentence - is that these people didn't _need_ to eat people. They chose to. Which is a million times worse." 

"On the plus side," Nyoka said cheerfully, "least now no more workers will be going missing at the factory. Malin is a terror, but she ain't a tyrant towards normal folk. Or a cannibal as far as I know." 

Felix noticed Max fidgeting a little.

"So, do we have plans for this evening?" asked the vicar.

"Nah, free time," the Captain stretched in her chair. "Hit the town, or get sleep or whatever you fancy. Tomorrow we look for Mr Pickett, and I'll need to get the info we found today to Sanjar. He'll want to know UDL have been operating here illegally. And exploding their scientists. Then it's up to Devil's Peak."

"Aww c'mon, Cap," wheedled Ellie. "We're in Fallbrook! The heart of gambling, booze, sex and drugs. We should go celebrate!" 

"I'll drink to that," cheered Nyoka.

"I, uh, also. Yes," said Max, trying and failing to sound casual.

"I guess it would be fun to see what it's all about…" Par hesitated. "I mean, I was mighty uncomfortable earlier but I'd feel safe if you were there too, Jay." 

"Oof, fine," the Captain huffed a laugh. "I guess we can go kick back for a while. What about you, Fel'?" 

"You know me, boss, I'm up for anything."

~~~

"You notice Max seeming awful keen to come out?" Felix murmured softly once they were alone, as the others banged about prettying themselves. "What's that all about?" 

"Oh, I have my suspicions," smirked Jay, stretching out on the bed. 

"Bad suspicions?" 

"Amusing ones." 

He grinned. 

_Maybe a crush on someone local, or he's gonna render some services perhaps… leastways, it doesn't sound like he's up to no good._

Crashing down beside her, Felix nuzzled into her neck insistently, making her giggle.

"Think we could just hide in here instead?" he mused, cuddling into her as she stroked his hair.

"I thought you were all up for playing some rounds, cracking some heads, y'know, socialising?" Jay teased, her voice warm.

He groaned, pulling the cozy blanket up and over them.

"Yeah, I liked doing all that when I had nowhere better to be. 'Sides, you need to rest, boss. You said earlier that I do more shifts than anyone but that ain't true - you do the most by far." 

"You don't usually seem to mind tiring me out extra," she laughed, and he harumphed good naturedly. "We don't need to stay out long, sweetheart. We can sneak back early." 

"Ohhh. Well in that case I am fully on board!" 

She chuckled, squeezing him a little and he committed himself to fully relaxing until they were summoned. It had been a long afternoon, but a fairly easy one. Rescuing the survivor of the bridge collapse had led them to a nearby covert lab, mid-hostile takeover by marauders. Weird science aside, the main research purpose seemed to be crowd control gas and Felix had found himself uncomfortably wondering how long it would have been til that was used to take over the Groundbreaker.

Cannibalism not withstanding, the boarst factory infiltration had been damn fun, as he'd finally got to see more of Jay's espionage skills. Her cloaking device was incredible, but even without it she'd have cut through their security seamlessly, leaving not a ripple in her wake.

_Of course killing the cannibal boss meant we had to fight our way out anyway, but still. I can appreciate the merits of the silent style a bit better now._

More importantly, he hadn't seen her have any episodes, and he wondered if maybe sleeping better was helping with that. Not just sleeping, but resting more too. Jay had always avoided long spells alone in her room before, which added to her lack of rest. Now whenever she had a spare moment, Felix pounced on her for cuddles, and she always agreed readily.

He'd never found himself craving touch before, but he wondered if that was perhaps a case of not missing what he hadn't known. Physical contact with Jay came with complete trust, no holding himself back or staying on guard, and he'd been startled by how much that connection meant to him. Whether he was holding her as they slept, or when she was holding him like right then, he couldn't get enough of it.

He squeezed her tight, and heard her warm chuckle above him.

"Love you, Jay." 

"Love you too, sweetheart." 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holier Than Thou by Metallica
> 
> You lie so much you believe yourself  
> Judge not lest ye be judged yourself
> 
> Holier than thou  
> You are  
> Holier than thou  
> You are  
> You know not  
> Before you judge me take a look at you
> 
> ~~~
> 
> My apologies for the delay in uploads this week - I was dealing with some annoyingly restrictive illness stuff that thankfully seems to be getting better now 🤞


	17. These Secrets Inside Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [tw for small reference to past trauma, nothing explicit is mentioned]

Fallbrook was not, in fact, Felix's kind of town. Where Stellar Bay had felt spacious and bustling, this place was claustrophobic and crowded. Too many people, no natural light, and not enough personal space made it uncomfortably similar to the Groundbreaker. 

The group had piled into Malin's House of Hospitality, with Ellie and Max laying bets at the Ante Up downstairs, and the others drinking upstairs at the bar when they weren't summoned to perform feats the two had bet on.

Jay had gone down a few times, to play cards or to arm wrestle at Ell's insistence and she was happy enough to comply until she nudged Par to take her place and amaze everyone with the engineer's upper body strength as Nyoka cackled loudly.

Felix was pretty sure he was the only one on edge, as their success at the Boarst factory meant the crew were visibly on Malin's good side, the top currency in Fallbrook. He had nothing against gambling, drinking, or fighting, though he wasn't exactly in the mood for any, but it was the _other_ local vice that was making him want to get up and leave.

Bad memories were pressing down on him, trying to break through the walls he'd put carefully in place, and it was all he could do to keep a lid on that while trying not to look too out of sorts. He was aware he was being too quiet, with no energy left to spare, but the noise of everyone else covered him somewhat.

The bar had rooms with beds tucked away, as giggling couples disappeared and reappeared, all the more dishevelled. Dotted amongst the drinkers and the gamblers, folk offered their services, both subtly and less so, and he felt like he couldn't relax for a minute.

Jay had picked up on his discomfort, ready to leave, but she'd been called downstairs again first, to prevent Ellie from taking on three fist fighting challengers at once, and now that he was alone, Felix realised one of the workers, the one controlling the others, had him in his sights. He put down his bottle, realising that his white-knuckled grip might shatter the glass and draw even more attention to himself. 

Before he could move, the man was sliding into the seat next to him, pushing across a drink that he politely turned down.

"Not interested, sorry." 

"Oh, I don't know about that," the man smirked. "You've not been able to keep your eyes off me and my employees all evening. See something you like?"

_Fuck. Leave me alone._

"I'm not interested," Felix repeated, firmly. "I have a partner." 

"Hm, can't be everything you need if your eyes are wandering, handsome. Why don't you come through the back and see?"

"Just… leave me alone. Please." 

He was starting to sweat. The rest of the bar had fogged out in his vision. The practised lines he knew all too well were pounding through his memories. He felt like he couldn't get enough air in his lungs.

"Your body is telling me something _very_ different-" the man had lowered his voice, as he ran his fingers along Felix's thigh, hidden beneath the table.

_Stop. Stop stop stop_

"-this isn't new to you, is it? C'mon, I can get you any flavour you want. Older? Younger? Obedient? Ah, that's the one! Punishable, perhaps?"

Felix was frozen with fear and shame, struggling to breathe, to not remember, to not feel trapped and abandoned and-

The man was suddenly yanked away from him, his head hitting the table with a nasty crack as he was pinned by the neck. Felix knew who it was without looking up, the snarl recognisable as he fought not to sob with relief.

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?" Jay hissed as the man flushed red beneath her hand.

"Get-"

"I don't need a _fucking_ answer," she spat, her fury finally helping Felix break free from the suspended state he'd been in. 

He'd seen Jay truly angry only twice before - at Roseway when faced with the needless loss of life, and earlier that same day, when Max's lies had been revealed. Neither compared to now, as she bared her teeth, her eyes fully murderous.

A slight hush had descended, as surrounding revelers had moved back, unsure what kind of violence was about to be unleashed. The Captain was a known ally of Malin, and untouchable.

Felix stood shakily, wanting nothing more than just to leave with her, but the man was still struggling and she slammed his head into the table again, making him whimper and go limp.

"Don't ever fucking touch my crew again," she snarled, her canine teeth glinting. "And especially don't fucking touch _him_." 

She moved as if to slam his head again, but instead simply pushed him away from her, disgusted. There were some jeers at the guy, and Felix saw Max standing with Malin herself at the top of the stairs looking thunderous.

As soon as she'd pushed the unwanted man away, Jay had met Felix's eyes, her anger dropping immediately for concern. 

_I can't- I can't-_

He was still panicking, and he couldn't face her compassion right now, he didn't want to crumble in front of these people-

Her face hardened again as she nodded, and she took him by the hand, steering him towards the stairs.

"Should he be dead?" Malin tossed her head in the direction of the discarded man.

Jay glanced at Felix, but he couldn't compute what was being said.

She shook her head.

"He harassed Felix. Which means he harassed me. I don't kill for that but he'd better fucking stay out of our way."

"Understood," the SubLight boss nodded, and Felix let himself be moved gently through the building, and out onto the street.

He was vaguely aware the Captain had spoken to someone else on the crew on the way out, but he was having trouble staying in the present, and not falling back into the memories he'd held at bay for so damn long… 

~~~

"Tell me five things you can see, sweetheart." 

_Five things? Five…_

"You?" he offered, and Jay smiled at him.

"Good! Four more." 

"Uh. Ceiling. Desk. Blanket. My hand."

"Good boy," she praised, and Felix felt himself coming back to reality as she petted his hair gently.

"Tell me four things you can hear." 

"The ship. My breathing. You… um, Sam clanking about."

_Wait, how am I back in the cabin?_

"You're doing great, love. Three things you can touch." 

"This blanket. The wall. You," he stroked her cheek as she lay next to him, propped up on her side.

"Two things you can smell." 

"The ship. The… the smell from the bar." 

_Shit. SHIT._

"And one thing you can taste, Fel'," she smiled at him and he leaned up, kissing her softly.

"You."

"Perfect," she praised softly, and he blinked, trying to piece together what had happened. "You were having an anxiety attack, sweetheart. I wasn't sure what to do other than get you home."

_An attack?_

"That's… I don't think that's happened before," he murmured. "I'm sorry for making a scene, everyone was having a good-" 

"Hey, no," she interrupted sternly. "You have nothing to apologise for. That dick was the one harassing you, and nobody made a scene but me."

"I've never seen you that angry before," he managed.

A look of guilt flickered across her face, and he kissed her, wanting her to know he wasn't upset with her in any way.

"Thank you, Jay. He didn't- Or it wasn't… I had bad memories come up. I panicked I guess? It's… not great knowing I couldn't handle it myself. But I'm real glad you were there. I've not- I've not had anyone who would do that for me before. Hence the memories but… Sorry, I'm not making much sense."

"It's okay, love," she moved on to her back and he curled up around her, grateful. "Was that guy worrying you all night?" 

"Sort of. But it wasn't his fault really. It's not… it's not something I can really explain. Not without panicking again."

His breath shuddered out of him, and she squeezed him gently, tangling her fingers back in his hair. 

"Good thing you and Malin are on good terms," he quipped, trying to shift the subject.

She huffed a laugh. 

"Fel', I'd have put him through the table either way. Hell, at first glance I thought he was just hitting on you and I still wanted to end him." 

Jay growled her last words slightly, and he couldn't help but grin. 

"You know if someone was hitting on me I'd just tell them I was taken, boss." 

"Mm, but you can be kinda oblivious, sweetheart," she joked, teasingly. 

"So if it hadn't been harassment…?" 

"I'd have decked him then sat in your lap and made sure everyone knew you were spoken for."

Felix squeezed her tight, and she chuckled. 

"I'm glad," he murmured, as she kissed his hair. "I like being yours."

"You feeling better?"

"Mm," he leaned up and kissed her, concentrating on shoving everything back down. "I still feel bad for interrupting the night, but is it okay if we just cuddle for a bit?" 

"Nothing would make me happier, love," she beamed, her eyes soft as she pulled the blanket around them. 

~~~

"Where’d you get your schooling, Max?" 

The vicar groaned softly as he glared at his breakfast. Felix was the only one with zero hangover, though both Par and Jay were fairly chipper as well. Max on the other hand had got nearly as drunk as Nyoka, but was feeling it even harder.

"Nowhere special, Mr Millstone," he managed at last. "An OSI seminary, same as my peers." 

"They teach you science there?" continued Felix, trading the golden opportunity to wind up the hungover man in favour of accessing actual information. "You know - test tubes, formulas, all that sundry?" 

"There is more to science than test tubes and lab coats," Max sighed, abandoning his food. "And the study of science is a lifelong commitment, not merely a collection of coursework." 

"You, uh - got any of your old books? Just askin’." 

The vicar blinked in surprise. 

"Why, son, are you expressing an interest in science? I suppose I could find you some reading material." 

"Cool, I'd appreciate that." 

As Felix headed back to the cabin, he realised Max was giving him the look that he'd come to call the 'missing puzzle piece' stare. When Max didn't understand something, he tried to force his eyes to make sense of it. 

_He'll probably put two and two together once he's feeling himself again._

The so-called scholar they'd tracked down in Fallbrook was, of course, nothing of the sort. But the feeling Felix had experienced as they sought him out had left him feeling somewhat lacking in the knowledge department. Neither Max or Jay were scientists, or at least they didn't describe themselves as such, but their knowledge on scientific matters had definitely made several missions far easier.

The Captain put her crew first, again and again, whether hunting down people for Max or spending her evening getting her panicking boyfriend back to the ship and reality. Felix reckoned it was only right he did what he could to lighten her own load, on the rare occasions she might allow it.

_'sides, I've always liked learning. And I've run out of Thrilling Tales to read…_

~~~

_< "Captain, there is an incoming transmission for you in the Nav room.">_

"Thanks, Ada. I'm coming." 

Felix raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"I wonder if that's Zora?" he asked, and Jay indicated for him to follow her to Ada's console.

The screen flickered to life. 

"Hey, Captain-" Zora nodded, talking quietly.

_Bingo!_

"-I need your help, and we oughta keep it hush-hush. You know about what happened here, right? The history of Amber Heights?" 

"I read about it in Thrilling Tales of the Frontier," offered Felix. "It's pretty well known that pirates raided Amber Heights. It was a real bloodbath."

"Right," the sawbones nodded. "Common belief is that the pirates fled to an old relay station that'd already been abandoned, but nobody could find them. The station's locked up, but one of my people found an old data cartridge in a nearby rapt nest. It's mostly corrupted, but I pulled a couple of codes off of it. One is the code to the Amber Heights gate. I don't recognise the other, but it's similar. I'd bet it opens a door."

"Wait," Jay frowned. "The pirates had the code to the Amber Heights gate?" 

"Right. The access codes to Amber Heights. What gets me is… if this belonged to the pirates, that means they knew someone there. If someone gave them the gate code… all those deaths, Captain. All that blood is on their hands."

"Why are we keeping this to ourselves?" 

"Graham isn't fond of talking about the history here. He had friends who worked here. The massacre hit him pretty hard. You know him. Live and let live and all that. I don't want to burden him right now, especially if this ends up being a dead end."

_I've got a real bad feeling about this._

"A random door code…" Jay trailed off. 

"I know it's a long shot, but… if we missed something there, if you can get into that station… maybe we can get some answers." 

"Any other benefits to going?" 

"If they died in there, they died with their munitions. We need them. Besides, if it's filled with valuables from the aristocrats who lived here, we can pawn 'em off on SubLight and get ourselves ahead on our food budget."

"Okay," the Captain agreed. "Go to the relay station. See if the code's useful. Anything else?" 

"Just a warning. The area's infested with mantisaurs. I'd send some help, but we're, you know, preparing for war."

"That's not a problem." 

"Appreciate it. Here's the code. If it works, bring back anything you find. Supplies are best, but information's good, too. Good luck. Watch out for the pteros."

The transmission cut out. 

_< "Captain, that relay station appears to be close to the hunting lodge you have marked on the map.">_

"Two pteros with one tossball?" asked Felix, making Jay chuckle. 

"Looks like it." 

~~~

"I don't see any signs of life. Human life I mean. Plenty'a monster life." 

Parvati sighed as she surveyed the area through her scope. They'd had to backtrack along the river a bit to get to the higher ground on the opposite bank, and although there was a visible camp site, the presence of raptidons definitely didn't bode well.

Jay crept closer to the area while Felix waited with the engineer. 

"It's a shame Mr Pickett didn't just bring Sebastian with him," murmured Par. "Or Nyoka. There must be plenty of hunters that could have kept him right." 

"It's often the way," Felix shook his head. "People who don't know what they're doing, assuming what they don't know is easy. Few people could take down a mantiqueen single-handed." 

"Well, maybe Jay could," she chuckled quietly. "If it done her wrong." 

He huffed a laugh. 

"Just dead marauders at that camp," the Captain appeared next to them again. "But from up there, I spotted a 'queen. Not far to the west, looks fast asleep? On a nest maybe. Gotta be near exact where Sebastian said." 

"Oh damn," Par sighed. "Well, I guess we should find out for sure." 

"High ground?" asked Felix, and Jay nodded.

The trio scouted further up the hill before moving west in an arc. The Captain lined up her shot while the others readied their weapons.

Felix had a couple of seconds to watch, and it was very hard to tell she was doing anything that different from any other hunter, other than the fact her carbine fired 5 shots in the space of two, all with pinpoint accuracy.

He launched himself down the hill, firing grenades on target, and by the time the beast reached him and Parvati, it was almost dead. It seemed a mite pitiful in all honesty, and Felix found himself feeling peculiarly melancholy about its death. 

"I almost feel bad for her," said Par, softly. 

"Yeah. Never thought I'd feel bad for a mantiqueen." 

"Mr Pickett maybe felt the same," Jay emerged from behind the felled beast, a strange looking package in hand, dripping with mantiqueen… bits. 

As she carefully peeled back the fortunately protective plastic, they saw a diary clearly marked as Pickett's.

"I'm sorry, Par," sighed Jay. "I reckon this happened a while back." 

"Damn. I guess, at least we couldn't have done anything. Such a fool thing to do. As if it ain't hard enough livin' out here." 

"What do you want to do with the diary?" Felix asked gently. 

"I reckon it should go to Sebastian," the engineer tilted her head as she thought. "I think they were pretty close. And if this has notes on wildlife, it might help him out." 

"Good plan," smiled the Captain. "Onwards to the relay station." 

~~~

The sinking feeling Felix had felt earlier when Zora had explained the mission, had settled in his mind with a splitting headache.

The door code had opened the way into the relay station, and he desperately hoped they'd find something other than what he now feared.

"Plenty of supplies," murmured Par. "Guns and ammo too. Iconoclasts should be pleased at least." 

"Got a box of cartridges here, boss. Data, logs… they're pretty degraded but Zora should be able to pull some info off 'em."

He looked up, hesitating at the lack of response, and saw Jay standing at the terminal, frozen. He leapt to his feet, hurrying over, afraid she was having an episode, but as he came up beside her, he realised she was just shocked.

There was an open log entry on screen, and as his eyes scanned the text, his heart sank: 'He said Amber Heights was gonna have more bits than we can spend, but those suited morons up and spent it all for us on books and vases and pretty shit… screw that Bryant fella. Eyes bigger than his fuckin stomach.'

_Graham. You selfish fucker._

"I can't believe I wanted to shake his hand," Felix snarled. "I need a shower. Makes you wonder if being a treacherous, two-timing coward is some sort of contagious disease, or if he was just born that way."

"Is this about Mr Bryant?" asked Par, before she saw the screen. "... oh no. All those families." 

_Fuck this. Fuck him!_

"I can't believe I liked what he was doing," spat Felix, aggravated at his own naivety. "Sure, he's an egomaniac who preaches more than he delivers, but at least the Iconoclasts were going to change Halcyon for the better. Yet now we find out Graham was behind the slaughter of fucking Amber Heights, a complete bloodbath. How can anybody so morally bankrupt lead a movement to transform the colony?"

"I'm sorry, Fel'," Jay's voice was strained as she met his eyes, and his heart ached that she was still trying to make him feel better despite her own shock. "He's a piece of shit."

"That's putting it kindly, boss. Bryant's worse than shit. He's a traitor. I mean fuck, you'd never do something like that, would you? Slaughter a whole community of innocents. Of course you fucking wouldn't. But _he's_ the one heralded as the saviour of the fucking system."

The anger was burning through him, the fury setting him alight. That the chief provider of anti-Board propaganda was just another fucking monster was almost too much to bear. 

"I'm sure Graham would say he wasn't the one who killed them," she sighed sadly, "just that he allowed it to happen."

"Yeah. As if turning the key ain't as bad as pulling the fuckin' triggers. But that's all it takes - sometimes, the difference between right and wrong is turning a key, or looking the other way, or keeping your mouth shut when you oughta speak up."

"You're right," Parvati nodded, looking a little ill. "And there's a whole lot of that going on in this system. Too many people looking at numbers on a screen instead of the real lives and deaths happening daily." 

"Yeah," he sighed, running his hands down his face as he tried to get a handle on his anger. 

Opening his eyes again, he saw Jay carefully move into his space, making herself present, and he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her gratefully. She squeezed him tight, and he felt his chest relax a little. Par had busied herself gathering supplies, leaving them to it, and he was grateful. Jay petted the back of his head, real soft, and he murmured his thanks as quiet as he could.

"Don't need to thank me, sweetheart," she said gently. "Just remember, we're not him. Our goals aren't the same. And we don't open doors for people like that." 

"And I'm very glad of it," he sighed. "Otherwise, I wouldn't have much hope left. Let's get back to it. I need to put all this ugly business with Bryant behind me." 

He squeezed her again, gratefully, before letting go, and she pressed a kiss to his cheek before moving back into work mode. Parvati smiled at him, and he realised again how lucky he was to be with two people who would never have made the choice the Iconoclast leader had. 

"Got that hunter's lodge nearby to check," the Captain announced. "It's in sight actually. Old soldier in Amber Heights has a keepsakes box there or something? Might as well look while we're here."

~~~

"Oh my goodness." 

Parvati sounded horrified, and as Felix came up behind her he let out a loud breath.

_Fucking hell._

The lodge had led them on a hunt for where the mercenary crew had awaited their pick up. Now they had reached the end of the trail, a depression in the ground full of decayed bodies, human and beast. 

Evidently their pilot, who was not a member of their group, hadn't showed. And the old soldier after his box of keepsakes, was that traitor pilot, apparently after only loot.

"He just left them," muttered the Captain. "They were waiting on him, and he didn't show. Probably took a job elsewhere. And he spun me his tales. _Fuck_." 

Jay sounded more upset than even these circumstances necessitated, and Felix made a note to ask her later when the pain wasn't as fresh. Whatever stories the old man had told her, clearly she felt betrayed.

_Distraction time. Gotta keep moving past all these disappointments._

"Where to next, boss?" 

"We've still got plenty daylight… let's head straight north to the Bay, then we can return via Amber Heights. Sanjar won't feel nearly as irritating today, I expect." 

~~~

"Hey, Sebastian!" 

"Hey, Ms Holcomb," the guy grinned at Par, oblivious to the daggers being thrown his way by Celia, hovering at the MSI building door. "What can I do for you today?" 

"I've got Mr Pickett's journal for you," said the Captain, gently. 

"He'll probably be wanting it back. You see any sign of him?" 

_Whoops. Too gentle. This guy is a brick._

Jay seemed to realise her mistake, and spoke more firmly. 

"I'm sorry, Sebastian, but he's dead. Eaten by a mantiqueen." 

Parvati winced slightly at it being so plainly said, but the man nodded slowly. 

"That's pretty sad," he sighed. "He sure seemed like he knew what he was doing."

"Just like in the Vale," Par shook her head. "One day he just disappeared. Never heard anything about him again."

"So this journal is all he left behind?" asked Sebastian. "Seems like I ought to read it. Looks mighty long, though."

"Maybe you and Celia can read it together on a date," Jay suggested kindly, and the man's face lit up. 

_Hm, my jealousy doesn't seem to be present anymore. How about that._

"I bet she'll like that! She's real enthusiastic about all sorts of monsters."

"It'd be nice for there to be some good come outta this," murmured Parvati. 

"In any case, I appreciate you tracking down Mr Pickett for me," Sebastian nodded. "Here's some bits for your trouble."

"Thank you. Take care out there, it's all too easy to end up like Mr Pickett." 

The kid grinned, and Felix found himself hoping the guy wouldn't get eaten after all.

_Progress!_

~~~

"Captain!" Sanjar greeted them warmly. "How can I help you today?" 

"Actually, I was wondering if I could help you. You remember you mentioned trying to find out if any corporation was working on Monarch illegally?" 

"Of course! My master plan. I'm afraid I don't have any new leads how-" 

"Yeah," Jay cut across him with a smile, "I found a data cartridge detailing UDL's secret experiments here."

"Already?!" his jaw dropped open. "If only the rest of the colony operated as efficiently as you, imagine what a different state we'd be in, hm? I'll complete the BOLT-52 in no time. I daresay it will be my second-greatest achievement, after the reformation!" 

"You're getting ahead of yourself again," Celia chided. 

"So I am. Do you have this cartridge?" 

"Hold up," the Captain tilted her head. "What reformation are you talking about?" 

"I'm working on a plan to reorganise the Board. Slowly. Peacefully. And with meticulous documentation."

 _Ugh_.

"My plan's better," drawled Felix. 

"Oh? What's your plan?" 

"We skip all the paperwork and reorganise the Board quick and violent-like."

"A so-called hostile takeover?" Sanjar appeared to consider it for a moment as Jay tried to hide her smirk. "A daring notion, but often an expensive one. And fraught with unforeseen consequences."

Jay handed the cartridge with the UDL lab info over, and the MSI boss slid it into a datapad. 

"I _knew_ there was something going on!" he cried, victoriously. "This is _exactly_ the proof we need - the Board will have to welcome us back now. I'll transmit this data along with the completed BOLT-52 right away. After that, we'll sit back and quietly wait for the Board to respond."

_Like a good little lapdog, pfft._

"That means no more broadcasts from us," Celia smiled.

~~~ 

In Amber Heights, Felix waited with Parvati outside the tavern while Jay dealt with the old soldier. She seemed more drained than angry when she exited, and they made their way up the hill. 

"Welcome back," Zora greeted them as they stepped into her clinic. "You find anything out there?" 

"Mhm," the Captain nodded, handing over the box of data cartridges. 

"Let's see," she rummaged through, booting them up. "These are old. Looks like correspondences between the pirates. Some bits here, some there, some… wait. This… this one's got the Amber Heights gate code on it. Just like the one I found earlier! And here's… a letter? Wait, this is from Graham. Oh, of all the… Captain, he gave them the gate codes!"

_Evidence on all sides then._

"Yeah," Jay sighed. "There was a message at the terminal there confirming the same. He caused the attack."

"Yeah. He did. He really did," Zora looked utterly broken. "I- I know he's got his head in the clouds, but I always believed there was a core of good there. What the hell happened to live and let live?" 

"Always figured Mr Bryant for a man of character," growled Felix. "In the end, though? He was just another name on a long list of frauds."

"Yeah. He had us all fooled," she seemed to visibly pull herself together in a way he couldn't help but envy. "Now I've got to sort out how to break it to the rest of my people. Thank you for bringing this back, but I need some time. I gotta think. I'll let you know if I figure something out." 

"'Course," the Captain nodded. "Keep in touch."

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Control by Halsey
> 
> I sat alone, in bed till the morning  
> I'm crying, "They're coming for me"  
> And I tried to hold these secrets inside me  
> My mind's like a deadly disease
> 
> I'm bigger than my body  
> I'm colder than this home  
> I'm meaner than my demons  
> I'm bigger than these bones


	18. The Beat Generation

"Well, I never thought I'd be feeling cheerful to get back to Fallbrook," chirped Parvati as they crossed the final bridge to the town's exterior gate. "At least here nobody pretends to be all virtuous." 

As they walked into the settlement, a man with a ridiculous moustache popped his head out of a building and bid their attention. 

"Take a gander at that mug," said the man, gazing intently at Jay. "I ain't never seen someone so adept-looking my whole life." 

"'Adept-looking', huh?" Felix growled, his anger still close to the surface. "This guy taking a snipe at your looks?" 

"Aw, now c'mon," the man backtracked frantically. "All I mean, is well, rather that… You don't seem like the usual pigeons we pluck. No offense, of course, if you ARE Byzantium gold-blood. Say, I'd like to do you a favour. Might Nelson Mayson interest you in a surefire scheme? Wink."

"Did you just... _say_ 'wink' at me… instead of actually winking?" the Captain raised an eyebrow. 

"Don't believe I did, no. Wink," Mayson drew the word out, and Felix was itching to punch him. "Pure and simple it's like this - I run our drug delivery service. Recently, I had the genius idea to cut costs in half by swapping our auto loaders with faster, cheaper sprats."

_Drug running… sprats?_

"Let me guess, we pocket the half you save?" Jay sounded more bored than aggravated. 

"Too right, you are. Only problem is my sprat carriers ain't arrived from their latest run. As I was saying, you look more capable than most of the hoopleheads around these parts. What say you locate 'em and retrieve the goods for me? In return, I'll cut you five percent of the profit."

_Five percent?! Fuck off._

"Make it thirty-five and you've got a deal. Wink."

_Ahaha, love it._

"Thirty-?! Thirty-five percent?! Are you-?! Are you out of your gourd?! If I wasn't recovering from a bout of Morgellons, I wouldn't stand for this. But things are what they are so… I'll agree to it-" 

_Wow. Fucking hell. Nice one, boss._

"-But not half a percent more! My sprat carriers scurry back and forth through the shipping tunnels. Any trip ought to start there. When you've got the goods, I'll be here." 

The tired trio made their way down the main path of Fallbrook, stepping over the occasional snoring drunk.

"Huh, I think the place he's talking about is just across from the landing pad, boss," mused Felix. "If it's in town, it can't be anything that serious?" 

"Yeah, we may as well look in," Jay nodded. "Heading for Devil's Peak tomorrow after all." 

In spite of his expectations, they opened the door to the storage cave and tunnels to come face to face with raptidons. Fortunately the beasts were small, full, and lazy and thus no stampede was unleashed upon the town as they put them down. 

There were a few dead bodies around, SubLight workers, and some dead sprats. Felix unhooked the drugs from each of the critters, wondering why in the void anyone had thought this was a good idea. 

_The answer to that is probably exactly what I'm holding right now…_

"Poor little mites," sighed Par. "I bet they were tame ones too." 

~~~

"Did you find 'em?" Mayson demanded, bouncing annoyingly. "Tell me you found my drug- I mean, my sprat carriers. Would _hate_ should anything dire have befallen them."

_Disingenuous fuck._

"You want the good news or the bad news?" asked the Captain. 

"Just tell me straight and don't hold back. I can handle it."

"Retrieved your drugs. But raptidons killed your carriers in the cave."

"Sprats can always be replaced. Excellent, this is perf- THIS IS ONLY HALF! Are you - you think you can steal from me?!" 

Felix growled as soon as Mayson raised his voice at Jay, but he was beaten to the punch quite literally by his Captain. 

"Ow!! Damn it, that hurts like the blazes!" the man wailed, clutching the side of his face as Felix grinned. "Okay, okay. All right. You didn't take it… but someone did. Search Fallbrook. Either half the sprats got loose on their own, or there'll be some evidence pointing to the soon-to-be-dead snake who filched my carriers. You want your cut? You get me the rest of my drugs. No matter what it takes."

 _Ugh_. 

~~~

"You know I'm not one for violence, Jay," began Parvati as they walked back through the town. "But I really hope he gets a proper shiner from that one." 

The Captain huffed a laugh.

"I don't like animal cruelty," she smiled, blushing slightly. "Always been my soft spot." 

_Too cute._

"Bertrand! Ms Mini Malin, get your twitchy whiskers back here! Don't you run out that door! It's a cruel world outside!" 

"What in the…?" Felix trailed off as a tiny sprat ran underfoot, away from the building the yelling voice was coming from. 

"Oh look!" gasped Par, pointing to two more of the little critters.

"Sprat catching time!" grinned Jay, and the three of them each dived for a different sprat.

They were far smaller than the Groundbreaker regulars, and Felix reckoned they had to be babies or youngsters at most. Seeing that his crewmates had been successful, he headed for the building. 

"Close the damned door!" yelled a man crouched on the floor, without looking at them. "You'll let my sprats out! Damn it all! Now look what you've done! It'll take me ages to round 'em up again. State your purpose or get out of my face, domicile-intruder!" 

"I'm looking for some missing sprats," drawled Jay, closing the door behind her. "You wouldn't have seen any… around?" 

"Missing? Nope, nope… Mine are all found and accounted for, thank you kindly." 

"Including these ones?" she asked, holding out the sprat she'd caught. 

"Ms Mini Malin!" he cried, before spying the other two they'd caught. "And Bertrand! Tobias!" 

They put their sprats down, and the little guys all ran towards… 

_Oh holy SHIT that's a big sprat. Wait, is that their mother? Okay, that's sort of cute… but does that mean they ALL get that big?!_

"Now if that'll be all," huffed the sprat man, "I've got an animal rescue service to oversee, and it ain't easy. Lots to do. Got a multitude of sprats to spay and feed." 

"Rescue sprats?" asked Jay. "As in rescued from SubLight shopping tunnels?" 

"Day in, day out, they ran their little route, getting picked off along the way! What was I to do, turn a blind eye? Malin's an animal lover. She won't hold my actions against me. Look, I don't care if Nelson sent you or not. You won't be hurting a hair on any of these sprats heads. I've killed vicious beasts for them. I ain't afraid to take on a human. Back out of this domicile, hands up, or become sprat food, intruder."

_Yikes, man._

"Hey, I won't hurt your sprats," said Jay firmly, and the man seemed to relax a little. "And I won't tell Mayson. The drugs he's after have probably passed through their digestive tracts already."

She looked at all the piles of brown on the floor and Felix heard Par groan. 

"You want to dig through sprat droppings, be my guest," the man shrugged. "Get your drugs. Then get lost."

"Yeah, I volunteer," sighed the Captain. 

Using a bag over her hand she somehow skillfully completed the task without getting any on herself. 

_Okay, she definitely must have had pets._

"Got 'em," she chirped, tying off the bag full of drugs and… unmentionables. 

"Great," cried the man, unhappily. "NOW IF YOU WOULD PLEASE leave me and my fur-babies be. I think you've given them enough anxiety for one day. Just look, they're trembling."

_Bloody hell. Not someone to ask for sprat info then. Also definitely not getting a sprat if they get that big!_

~~~

"Got the goods?" leered Mayson. "'Cause I know you wouldn't be wasting my time otherwise. Wink." 

Quicker than Felix could track, the Captain punched the man in the eye. 

"Ow! What the - what was that for?!" 

"Wink at me one more time," growled Jay. "I dare you."

"No, no. I wouldn't dream of it. Really. Wink." 

She punched him in the other eye. 

"Man," grinned Felix as the man cried in pain, "my day just got a whole lot better!" 

"Ow! Oh for the love of - I thought we were joking! If this swells shut, I swear I'll - nothing. I'm not gonna do nothing. don't punch me again. Please and thank you. Phew."

Parvati snickered quietly, clearly not a fan of the creep. 

Felix had a feeling they'd just increased their status amongst the SubLight gang. He was one hundred percent sure Malin would find this hilarious. 

"I've got your drugs," said the Captain flatly. 

"You do? I mean, you do! Of course, you do. What did I tell you? Sure. Fire. Delivery. System. Works almost every time!" 

"That's great. Now pay me."

"Right, right. In my excitement, I very nearly forgot. Ha. Ha. As promised, your cut, plus a little extra to show my gratitude. Now if there's nothing else you need from me… I must go inventory my goods." 

"Enjoy," Jay smiled sweetly. "By the way, they're covered in shit." 

~~~

"Thornburg was off-bounds. That’s the only reason the Darlings won!" 

"Thornburg was well within bounds," scoffed Max. "The Darlings won because the Rangers have no defense." 

"Thornburg was off-bounds!" Felix insisted. "That hand-goal never should’ve been called. Any other argument is invalid." 

"Spoken like a true Rangers fan." 

"You’re damn right!" 

Max shook his head, counting out his bits on the kitchen table.

"You gonna come up even?" asked Ellie, an eyebrow raised. 

"If you can stick with the plan. The idea is to avoid getting punched, not to instigate a brawl." 

_Well, that sure explains the shiner she's sportin'. Still, I'd guess a vicar and a doctor can shark their bits back tonight easy enough. Maybe._

"Eh," she shrugged with a grin. "Take it or leave it." 

"With reluctance," sighed the vicar. 

"Felix, I overheard you talking 'bout tossball," Nyoka walked in and sat down as they waited on Par and the Captain. "You a fan?" 

"Am I a fan, she asks," Felix spluttered in mock outrage. "I been a fan since the Rangers won the Tripicale Crown." 

"Right. Explain something to me. What the hell is the point of the sixth back?" 

"Oh, stars," swore Par softly as she came up behind them. "Not more of this again…" 

"That’s easy," nodded Felix, ignoring the engineer. "See, the sixth back protects the fourth back from the eighth back. You wanna think of the sixth back as your twelfth line of defense, yeah? Unless - and this is important - the game’s in the third half. In that case, a good sixth back knows how to pivot towards defense in case the other team runs the field."

"I’m even more confused now," Nyoka frowned." "I’m… just gonna turn my brain off and try to enjoy it in future." 

"Also the slogan of the Auntie Cleo Darlings," he drawled, seeing Max scowl. 

"We all set?" asked Jay, as everyone got to their feet. "Please, less fights tonight if possible. I'm not coming down to save your asses this time."

"Psssh, we'll be fine, Cap," grinned Ellie, her conviction a tad undercut by her black eye. 

"Mhm." 

~~~

Felix wasn't headed to Malin's House of Hospitality, but to the rooftops of Fallbrook. The Captain knew her crew well enough to know there'd likely be trouble, and getting some height would allow her to keep tabs on everything.

_And coincidentally means I won't be mingling with the nightlife again, without that looking like the actual reason…_

None of his crewmates had pushed him on his odd behaviour the night before, and he wasn't sure if that meant Jay had told them to drop it, or if they were simply following his lead on the matter. Either way, he was grateful, stuffing the memories back down as far as he could.

"Huh, there's a balcony up above the main shop," the Captain nudged him as they picked the various roof stashes clean. "Let's set up there. I'll be able to see any ruckus spilling outta Malin's." 

"Sounds good, boss."

Jay decided to take the less criminal route, simply walking through Sublight Dry Goods & Sundry and up the stairs. Apparently it was a known spot for night time lounging, as a rather garish man sat at a table, mumbling to himself. 

Felix hadn't seen his like until just recently, a few of the Fallbrook patrons clearly from the rich social circles of Byzantium. They tended to wear a gold stripe on their lip, and colourful eyeshadow. Makeup wasn't rare across Halcyon, but with the Byzantines it seemed less about art or expression or camouflage, and purely about being ostentatiously vulgar. 

"Oh, I beg your pardon," the man said in a distracted manner, "can you not see I'm walking here?" 

Jay made to move past him before changing her mind, raising an eyebrow in question. 

"You don't _look_ like you're walking."

"Physically you mean," the man waved his hand airily. "In my mind I have traveled galaxies. Well, it is of no consequence, I assure you. I shall embark shortly. With my legs." 

"To where?" 

Felix smiled. The Captain could never resist a storyteller, no matter how strange. 

"I am not entirely decided, if I'm being honest. I think I'd fancy a visit to Tartarus. So long as it's under the shield of my fantastical imagination."

"I see." 

"Pardon me, you're distracting the magnificent journey of my mind. I was galaxies away, being ripped asunder in the depths of a black hole. What an excruciating and exquisite experience."

"Wait, what?" Jay blinked in surprise. 

"Nothing," the man insisted. "Nothing at all, I assure you. I tend to ramble during my daily walks. If there's no further excitement to be had, I suppose I shall go for a soak beneath the medicinal waterfall. Perhaps I'll slice my heel open on a rock. Nothing like the physicality of pain to make you feel alive."

The Byzantine made no move to get up, and Felix directed the Captain to a table at the other end of the balcony, with the best view of the street below. He produced a couple of bottles of Zero Gee, and relaxed in his seat. This was much more his style.

He'd had his fair share of drunken revelry, horrific hangovers, and all of it was inevitably tied to memories he tried to forget. Drinking with friends was fine by him, but doing it amongst strangers set his teeth on edge. Here at least there was only one rather strange person, and the mind-walking man seemingly wanted nothing to do with them which suited Felix just fine. 

"I'm guessing," Jay murmured, leaning in closer, "that mind-altering drugs are definitely a thing here too." 

"Hah, yeah. I mean there's the mushrooms, which I'd wager are everywhere given how easy they are ta grow. But I reckon they have fancier drugs in Byzantine to go with their gold toilets." 

A little bitterness crept into his voice. He had nothing against the stranger on the balcony, personally speaking, but he was nonetheless a stark reminder of the gross inequality in Halcyon. Kids like himself grew up in the walls of a decrepit spaceship while silver spooned fools sat on mountains of wealth and supplies in Byzantine. The city sucked the rest of the system dry, its belly full of soft cowards and manipulative corporate leaders. 

"We'll end up there at some point," she said softly. "A revolution will not be kind to the city."

She looked a little downcast, and Felix itched to make her smile. 

"Maybe some good stories to be found there though, boss. I noticed you seem to like collecting 'em." 

"I hope so! Stories always give a little more depth to a place. A little colour. Though finding the truth in them can be hard…" 

"Like the old soldier in Amber Heights?" he asked gently. 

"Mm. Well, in that case I knew the stories weren't true. They were tall tales, but masterfully told. And I let my appreciation of that cloud my judgement maybe."

"You couldn't'a known he'd be lying about the box though, that had nothing to do with his stories, did it?" 

"Nah," she shook her head. "His stories were fantastical. About reaching the hot pole, the cold pole, breaching the storm wall between the two… though I suppose all but the conclusions could well have been true."

A scuffle broke out down below, and Felix checked to see who was involved. None of the Unreliable crew apparently, and he relaxed again. 

"When I was a kid," Jay continued, "there was an old man who'd tell me stories. And to hear the stories he'd teach me stuff first - my letters, spelling, maths, history, all that. He was like an encyclopedia of knowledge. But his stories were all a mix of truth and tall tales. When I'd point out what couldn't be true, he'd be delighted."

"Sounds kinda like the work you ended up doing?" 

"Exactly. Parsing the truth from pretty or convenient lies. And understanding why the lies are what they are, what purpose they serve. I still enjoy stories, but I pick over them in my brain until I get to the truth." 

"What happened to the old man?" 

"Shot. Point-blank. By the police bankrolled by the media and corporations. They burned his books, the kids he mentored scattered. I heard he was just putting his book down and they shot him, in case 'the book was a weapon'-"

She scoffed angrily. 

"-too right it's a fucking weapon. But not in the way they understood. I don't know what life was like under the Directorate. But outside it, it was a constant fight not to have the same kind of regime take over. Truth versus propaganda. The masses against mass media."

Felix nodded, slowly. It wasn't too different from life in the colony, bombarded with media releases from the Board. He'd thought Graham had maybe represented the truth, but that had been a lie too.

"Who was winning?" 

"Well," she gave a sad smile, "winners don't board a colony ship to nowhere. People who become finders, they don't last long. Murder, betrayal, switching sides… lies make more money. My crew split. Most dead. Some betrayed me. The rest left to have kids, away from the life. I ended up paying for their orphans to survive. Everything was fucked."

"And then you woke up here," sighed Felix, "to the same shit." 

"It's not as ingrained yet. If we smash down the structure now, there's opportunity to rebuild properly. Not easily. No utopia. But something. I don't know if it's possible, but it's got to be worth trying." 

"NEVER ANGER A MAN OF THE CLOTH!" bellowed an unmistakably irate Max from below. 

"Oh, crap!" yelled Felix, scrambling to his feet. 

~~~

It was Nyoka and Felix who left with the Captain the next morning, while Max, Ellie, and Par all groaned from their beds. The sullen trio had been barely coherent the night before, but Felix had got the general gist - their wide-eyed innocent act had not worked this time around. 

Nyoka had been leading them for miles across rough country, towards the so-called Devil's Peak and its resident Information Broker. The safest way up had been through a cave system, not quite as dark as he'd feared. Inside there had been plenty of bugs, even more bodies, and one semi-grateful corporate mercenary.

"If you're livin' up in a tower on a place called 'Devil's Peak', you might be some type of serial villain," mused Felix as they emerged back into daylight. 

"To be honest, I'm surprised it's still standing," Nyoka shrugged. "Every time I set foot inside, I half-expect the tower to fall over."

"Mm, well hold that thought," said the Captain, looking through her scope, "because it looks like we aren't the only visitors here." 

"Marauders?" asked the hunter, and Jay nodded. "Ugh, this is what he gets for employing damn corporate mercs as security. They'll be holding him to the exact wording of their contact in any way that spares them action." 

"That sounds about right," Felix growled. "So what say we just ignore them and go clear this place out?" 

"Outstanding!" 

~~~

The 'Broker' was a complete asshole, Felix was sure of it. The three of them had worked through the entire station, outside and in, clearing the place of all marauders. It hadn't been a difficult fight but it had been nasty, the close quarters giving them little room to move without tripping over more bodies.

Impetuous orders had come over the intercom from the man in charge, Hiram, as Nyoka referred to him, and now that they were finally meeting face to face, Felix found his smug face pretty unbearable.

_And it totally has nothing to do with the way he's looking at Jay. Nope._

"Phineas must have sent you," the man scowled slightly. "He's the only one insane enough to send someone to Monarch to rush me. I knew it was only a matter of time before he came a'knocking. Look, I might be late. But I fulfil my contacts, always."

"Have you _seen_ Doc Welles?" Felix raised an eyebrow. "The guy's ancient! You take any more time, and he's liable to croak."

"I was delayed by MSI and the Iconoclasts," Hiram waved his hand dismissively. "The idiots were scrambling all transmissions to override each other's broadcasts. But as you've shut them down - I'm back in business. I don't doubt that you are working with Phineas, but my contract specifies I relay any acquired information to the purchaser. And to the purchaser alone."

The Captain readily agreed provided he send the information immediately, and was tasked with flipping a switch outside. As she quipped that it couldn't possibly be that easy, Felix saw that Hiram was enjoying himself far too much. 

"Yeah, yeah, we heard you the first time," he interrupted, impatient. "Let's just get this over with." 

"Hang on," Jay shook her head. "Nyoka needs a favour."

_Whoops, I forgot about that._

"Oh, great," sighed Hiram, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I _love_ doing pro bono work for friends."

"Aw, you called us friends," grinned Nyoka. 

The Captain put her powers of persuasion to good use, and the Broker huffed a laugh in defeat. 

"Tug on my heartstrings why don't you. Look, I'll do what I can. All right?" 

Nyoka explained what she needed, and Felix tuned out a little, taking the time to rest. The amount of blood spilled in the last hour had been very much on the high side, and he was feeling more than a little queasy. 

When he focused back in, he found himself annoyingly uncomfortable at the sight of the Broker and Captain having a rather intense discussion as the former gave her a ton of info free of charge. From what he could make out, Hiram reckoned Graham was as likely to bomb Monarch as save it, MSI's ownership of Monarch was legal which was why the Board demonised the place, Hiram himself was the original instigator of Monarch's rebellion, and he knew nothing about Welles other than a vague rumour that he was in it for self-gain. 

Felix hauled himself back over to his usual position, trying not to glower too heavily at the man. 

"Last question," Jay smirked. 

"You know I do usually charge for these." 

"Mhm. Have you received any recent broadcasts from Earth?" 

"What? No," Hiram blinked in surprise. "Why would I go out of my way to intercept messages from Earth? There's no market for them. No buyers means it's not worth my time." 

"Actually, I was wondering if _anyone_ had received any broadcasts from Earth. That information is curiously hard to come by. One of the Groundbreaker's relays had a backlog of years of captured transmissions. None from Earth." 

"I… see," the Broker looked thoughtful. "Hm, now that _is_ valuable information. Tell me, Captain, how long have you been an information broker?" 

Jay laughed. 

"That's not what they call it where I'm from." 

"Curiouser and curiouser," Hiram looked extremely intrigued. 

"Anyway, that's enough gossip for now," she finished up, and for the first time the Broker seemed keen for them not to leave. 

"How low you seemingly regard my trade," he sighed. "Do flip that switch on the way out." 

_Thank fuck. See you never._

It turned out it really was just a simple switch to flick, and as Jay obliged, the screen on the external console burst into life.

"Testing, one-two. Check, check," Hiram's voice sounded. "Sweet stars, but that is a beautiful sound. Can you hear me? We are a go for broadcast. Oh, and I also dispatched Phineas his data. Impatient prick. Worse, I'm now indebted to him for it."

"Thanks, Hiram," drawled Jay. "You are quite the charmer." 

"Look, I am well aware that at times I may have the _tiniest_ iota of a prickly exterior-" 

Nyoka snorted. 

"-But I must admit I have grown rather fond of you. As Nyoka can attest, I do not form attachments with many. Do take care."

"Wow," the hunter raised her eyebrows as the connection cut out. "Now I've seen and heard everything. He really does like you, Cap." 

Felix's growl was fortunately drowned out by the roar of engines screaming across the sky. 

"What in the void-blasted hell is THAT?" yelled Nyoka, as a huge ship flew overhead, far too low, and crashed in visible distance with a tremendous explosion that shook the entire moon. 

"Black holes!" Hiram's voice cried out from the terminal. "Did you see that?!" 

"The big ball of fire?" grimaced Jay, still staring into the distance. "No, totally missed it."

"Look, there's not enough room in this tower for two sarcastic hullheads. So one of us has to knock it off. Ah… I reckon we both know who that'll fall to."

Sanjar's voice suddenly rang out, and Felix remembered that of course this was the same frequency he and Graham had been using until now. 

Less than three seconds later and sure enough, Graham's voice joined them as well. 

"Aw, it's a reunion," Jay sighed. "Group hug?"

"Ah, the good captain," answered Graham. "The Truth brings us together once more. Our salvation has come crashing through the stratosphere. We need only collect its weapons."

"Are you mad?" cried Sanjar. "That's a UDL gunship! You'd probably shoot your own toes off."

The ex-friends each proceeded to demand that Jay return the targeting module of the crashed ship in order to secure their rule of Monarch, arguing with each other while Hiram attempted in vain to shove them off his channel.

"FINE," Jay's commanding tone cracked out suddenly, and the men fell silent. "I will check out the crashed ship. But everyone get off this fucking frequency right now." 

There was the sound of one click followed by another, and then Hiram sighed happily. 

"Peace at last. And now, if you please, do leave. But take care." 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Beat(en) Generation by The The
> 
> The beaten generation  
> The beaten generation  
> Reared on a diet of prejudice and mis-information  
> The beaten generation  
> The beaten generation  
> Open your eyes, open your imagination


	19. Cut Me Down

"Where did it fall?" asked the Captain as they returned to ground level. 

"South of the ravine," Nyoka sighed. "We'll need to head north to the bridge, then come back down south west. It's a pain as there's a route through Cascadia but it's blocked off and overrun. Fighting through that would take far longer." 

"I guess technically we could hit Cascadia after - Ada did say there's a landing pad there. Might be too much for one day though." 

"Let's see how it goes," suggested Felix. "It'll be easier to decide once we've reached the ship." 

"Good plan," Jay nodded. 

~~~

"Watch your step around those pools, boss."

The Captain flashed him a smile, and he grinned. Taking out his previous frustration on all forms of monsters had him feeling himself again, and somewhat embarrassed.

He knew that Jay exercised her charm in the pursuit of her job. Getting the Broker onside could only be a benefit. But it was difficult in the moment to remember that, particularly when she charmed someone who was apparently never won over by anyone. 

_'Course, it's probably more the fact they have so much work in common. Though I can't picture Jay having ever hid in a tower to collect information. Hiram was probably just a bit dazzled._

Before long, the crashed ship was in front of him and he realised they'd made it over here far quicker than expected. 

"Whoah," breathed Nyoka, coming up beside him and the Captain. "Uh, you go on ahead. I'm not keen on ships even when they're in the best of shape."

The massive wreck was creaking angrily, the metal still cooling, and the front of it had been completely ripped off, exposing the flight deck.

As Jay crept aboard the ship, the lightest on her feet, Felix stood by the entry point. 

"I'll keep an eye out," he said softly. "Go on ahead, boss." 

"Thanks, Fel'."

There were raptidons and mantisaurs at far range, but he'd learned they rarely strayed from their set territories, as long as they kept a good distance. Glancing back at the ship, he saw Jay had got the flight deck door open, and gone further inside. 

The ship moved the tiniest amount, and more stuff inside tumbled down, debris and rubble flying everywhere.

_Shit. This is not remotely safe._

He was fairly sure the whole thing wouldn't collapse, but as the seconds ticked by, he got more and more anxious. Every so often the ship creaked, resettled, or slipped that little bit more, and just as he was about to climb in, Jay appeared triumphantly, leaping out the front.

She promptly had a coughing fit, and he had a quiet panic over whether there could have been crowd control gas on board, but she straightened up, breathing fine.

"It's a total mess in there," she croaked, and Nyoka handed her a drink. "Thanks." 

"Did you get the part?" asked the hunter, as the Captain sat down on the ground, drinking hurriedly.

"Yup. It's intact. As is the weaponry. It's just the engines that are completely fucked. And, uh, all the people. There were logs from a very pissed off engineer detailing that this was a predicted fault." 

"Wait," Felix crouched down beside her, "they knew this was going to happen?" 

"Seems like. They'd requested a replacement part they needed for the engines to not suddenly plunge them planet-side. Part never came. They'd been trying for _years_." 

"I always thought the Board was hoarding that stuff for themselves," muttered Nyoka, confused. "So what, they ain't even helping their own?" 

"I reckon the Board are very good at putting out propaganda of how prosperous they are," Felix offered, "and not nearly so good at actually being prosperous." 

"All this time I thought Monarch was suffering because we didn't have the Board," she sighed. "Shit. Everywhere's as fucked, ain't it?" 

"Allegedly, Byzantium isn't," Jay shrugged. "But I guess we'll see that soon enough. What about now though? We can either head back to the bridge then back to Fallbrook, or we can push on to Cascadia."

Felix looked at her closely, knowing that either option was gonna be an ordeal. 

"Or," he suggested, "we could go just over the bridge to Stellar Bay, radio Ellie to get everyone on board, and call Ada." 

"That's true!" the Captain blushed. "I didn't think of that. Yeah, that's probably more sensible than pushing on after an already long day." 

"I agree," nodded Nyoka, to his surprise. "Preferable to come at Cascadia from the other end - the town is currently divided in two. Opening from the north end would be a good deal easier." 

"Sweet," Jay jumped back to her feet. "Let's go home." 

~~~

The crew had grumbled about leaving Fallbrook, but the news that they only had one day left on Monarch cheered them up considerably. The next day they'd hop back to Fallbrook, conquer Cascadia, have Ada hop there and fill the tanks, and then begin the skip to the next destination.

Quite where that was, the Captain had yet to decide, but Felix reckoned it would either be Scylla, for Max's hermit woman, or the Groundbreaker to deliver the gas if all went well. He'd overheard Par asking for something from the Groundbreaker too, and apparently Hiram had directed Nyoka towards the Emerald Vale. And of course Welles would be waiting too.

His head was spinning trying to keep up with it all, and he could only imagine it was a lot worse for Jay. Felix was half-watching a tossball game as he cleaned his weapons, chuckling at Par's enthusiastic and wildly inaccurate cheers, when he was suddenly sure he'd heard his name called.

Stowing his grenade launcher, he wandered out into the entryway, and 

_ <”Felix, you have a message.”> _

_Oh, that's weird._

"Thanks, Ada," he smiled, walking into the Nav room. "Is it a transmission or…?"

_ <”Negative, it is in the ship inbox.”> _

A small terminal popped up next to her, and he crouched down to read it properly. 

_I didn't even know there was a ship inbox… Most stuff goes direct to Jay. Who'd be messaging the ship, and for me?_

He opened the message, curious, and as he started to read, he felt as if he was falling away inside, his heart racing. His eyes began to skim over the words as he scrolled to the bottom to see the name.

_What the FUCK?!_

~~~

"Hey boss, got a minute?" 

"Of course, Fel'," Jay smiled as she turned from her desk, and he saw her expression change to one of worry. "Everything okay?" 

"Um, kinda. Not really. I mean, I'm okay. Well, no, I'm really not. I just…" 

She came over to him and wrapped her arms around his back, and he sank into her cuddle gratefully.

"Thanks, Jay," he murmured, kissing the top of her head. 

She took his hand and sat down on the bed, patting the space beside her. 

"Okay, I've got a hypothetical for you," he began as he sat. "You've got a friend, see. Somebody you knew when you were growing up. You were close - then one day they up and vanished. Five years go by, they send you a message out of the aether. What's going through your head?" 

"Um, shock and disbelief, seeing how most of my old friends are dead."

_Whoops._

"Right. Forgot about that," he cringed slightly, but she squeezed his hand in reassurance. "Though, shock and disbelief's a good way to put it."

"Is it an old friend or an old 'friend'?" she put air quotes around the latter, and he shook his head. 

"Nothing like that," he smiled, and was surprised to see a flicker of relief flash across her face.

_So I'm not the only one who worries about that. Kinda reassuring…_

"It's a guy by the name of Clyde Harlow," he explained. “He was an old friend of mine. Honestly, he was probably my first and longest friend. Family almost. I just heard from him. Says he wants to talk to me. Says it's urgent."

"This is obviously important to you," Jay said, concerned. "Where is he?" 

"Clyde's waiting for us on Scylla. What he's doing on an asteroid, I can't begin to imagine."

"You don't sound too sure about this," she said, stroking her thumb over the back of his hand.

Felix huffed a laugh at her insight, trying to relax more. 

"Yeah, I'm not. Clyde was my first friend, but he was also my mentor. I didn't have anyone, and he took me under his wing. Looked after me. Taught me how to think. How to question. How to disobey. I figured the Board got him in the end. Some guys with black uniforms snatching him off the street in the middle of the night or something."

"So he just disappeared suddenly?" 

"Literally. He just vanished without a trace one day. No goodbyes. No explanations. Been gnawing at me ever since, you know? He was… he was all I had. And then he was gone. After a few years, I had to believe he was dead. I couldn't keep hoping he'd just turn up again one day. And now… "

"Now he's done exactly that." 

Felix nodded. 

"Do you think he's in trouble?" 

"That's what I don't know. The message was light on details. No explanations, as usual. Clyde - he was a blustery old cuss. Carried on about violent revolution and seizing the means of production. Maybe that's what he's been doing all this time, but… if that was the case, surely he'd have got a message to me sooner. Let me know he was okay."

Some bitterness had crept into his voice, and he sighed heavily.

"I'm really sorry to ask, Jay, but do you think when we leave here we could head to Scylla next? I absolutely wasn't expecting this."

"Of course, Fel'. We can go first thing if you think-" 

"No, no. We should do the SubLight job first. He didn't explicitly ask for help, and I don't- I wouldn't feel right goin’ running immediately." 

"Okay, sweetheart." 

He let out a sigh of relief. 

"I appreciate this, boss. I know you're going out of your way for me."

"Felix," she said softly, and moved across to sit on his lap. "I'm not going out of my way. You _are_ my way." 

She nuzzled into his neck, making him smile, and he held her close.

"I just… I feel bad askin’ you," he murmured, as she stroked his hair gently, letting him speak. "I know I shouldn't, but it's been drummed into me for a long time that I have to pull my weight. That I earn nothing. And on top of that, everyone asks you for so much, love. I hate adding to that." 

"You do so much for me, sweetheart," Jay began, but he shook his head. "Hey, you _do_. You keep me sane for starters, which sounds like a joke but it absolutely isn't. You've helped me actually sleep which is a fucking miracle. You are _always_ there to support me, in any role. You work so damn hard, and you give me so much more than just labour. You give me everything, Fel'."

He swallowed hard, emotions crashing over him, and he couldn't speak.

"C'mon," she murmured softly, "mandatory cuddles in bed time." 

Felix gave a shaky laugh, letting himself be guided under the covers, and she lay on her back so he could cuddle into her. He rested his head on her chest, hearing her heartbeat, and his eyes fluttered shut as she gently stroked his hair. 

_Shit. SHIT._

He felt like he just had too many feelings all at once, the shock of hearing from Clyde of all people, the relief of having the means to get to him, the overwhelming gratitude and love towards Jay, his guilt for needing something from her, his awe at her words, his heartbreak at having definitely been abandoned back then after all...

He'd tried so hard to believe Clyde was dead. The alternative was that the man had simply left him behind, and that was… he _couldn't_ let that be the truth. Maybe he'd been in Tartarus and had escaped. Or been held captive somewhere else. He was terrified that he was going to be reunited with the closest person he’d ever had to family, only to find out he had been cast aside years ago. 

Felix had trusted Clyde like a brother. He'd been desperate to trust anyone. He still was. Half of his anxiety around losing Jay was because of how he'd lost Clyde. 

He sniffed loudly, and realised he was crying all over Jay, and he didn't have enough leftover thinking power to feel embarrassed. If he was gonna cry in front of anyone, he'd want it to be her. Here he was safe. She just kept stroking his hair, humming a soothing noise he could hide his sniffs in, holding him close, and he let his emotions wash over him.

~~~

"Eyes up, boss. We're amblin' into the jaws of danger!" 

Cascadia looked utterly destroyed, half the walls had been toppled, broken mechs were littered everywhere, decomposed bodies lay out in the open, and a whole bunch of marauders had set up camp.

It wasn't hard to see why, as despite the mess, most of the buildings looked intact. Still, from the fresher corpses amongst the rubble, Felix could tell this place clearly attracted a lot of wildlife.

The Captain had brought them here in a sweeping arc that had seen them come from higher ground, extinguishing the marauder lookout posts to prevent any alarms being sounded. The old settlement was so cramped that any further stealth would be immediately shattered.

Nyoka hefted her machine gun beside him, waiting for Jay's signal. The only possible way forward was to tackle them head on, and the hunter was grinning widely. Felix was fully committed to focusing on the task at hand, which helpfully shoved all other thoughts from his mind. 

Jay had left them, seeking a way up onto what remained of the walls. The loose plan was for her to snipe from the rooftops, taking out the many marauders lazing on balconies and higher stories, so that he and Nyoka could concentrate only on those at ground level.

The signal, not uncommonly, was simply their targets own alarm. Once the Captain was in position, she'd begin her work, and as soon as the alarm sounded, her crew would rush forward.

As Felix watched closely, he saw one of the more isolated balcony leaners incinerate, and at least one more had been shot before a chorus of yells broke out. He ran forward and to the side, firing bursts of grenades in a pattern aimed at funneling ground-level survivors into the hunter's path, but he soon had to switch to his rifle as the goons pressed in on him. 

A yell from behind and he spun round to see what looked like the marauder leader bearing down on him, but the man fell to the ground dead before he got to him. Felix couldn't tell where Jay was, but those enemies closest to him or attempting to flank Nyoka were being picked off, and he was able to bring his launcher back and resume his original tactic.

_Roof ones must all be down._

None of the marauders were trying to make a break for it, and he realised they were all completely jacked up, and not only on adreno. 

_No wonder they're running right fucking at me. Nearly done though…_

As he looked around for any final targets, he heard Nyoka's gun wind down and realised the place must be clear. Looking up, his eyes found Jay running across one roof and leaping elegantly to another, dropping to the balcony then flipping over and landing in a crouch on the ground.

"Damn, Cap!" the hunter exclaimed, patting her machine gun. "If ol' Lucille here wasn't so heavy, I'd ask you teach me that." 

Jay grinned widely as she approached, rolling the shoulder she used to brace her carbine, and Felix let his eyes linger a little longer.

"Doubt there's much in these buildings left," she mused, "but looks like there's some doors these guys couldn't pick. Some of these buildings have noise in, I'm guessing feral sprats maybe."

"Could be mantipillars too," Nyoka nodded. 

"Lot of gear on the marauders," added Felix. "If we find the launch pad next, the rest of the crew could loot the place." 

"Good plan," the Captain nodded. "Let's quickly bug-sweep every building but the main Rizzo's one, then get the bridge open. Launch pad is just on the other side." 

Nyoka had been right about the 'pillars, but it didn't take much work to deal with some minor infestations. As the hunter moved to the next building, Felix saw that Jay was looking thoughtful as she sifted through screens of information on a terminal she'd hacked. 

"Something useful?" he asked softly as he came up behind her. 

"Yes and maybe," she sounded a little confused. "Got Zora's executive review here. Unlike Sanjar's, hers is glowing - says she's competent, decisive. When this place was abandoned, anyone who survived owes their thanks to her. Damn fools tried to bring pterorays with them from their experiments. 

"Except the presence of so many dead pteros attracted the attention of raptidons, and then the cages of the live ones broke open, chaos reigned, and the execs abandoned them all to save themselves. She was the one who shut the bridge too… says here that was due to some creatures that 'were no longer human'."

"No longer human? That doesn't sound good. Are we talking something that looks like zombies - crazed folks maybe?" 

"Not sure. I guess we'll find out when we cross the bridge, though." 

~~~

The great doors leading to the bridge had been easy enough for the Captain to hack open. Some overeager guard mechs had been dealt with, but the crew had paused halfway over the bridge where an elevator resided. 

The lift led to a small platform and building below, presumably the generator control centre for the settlement, and Jay had gone down by herself to check it out.

Nyoka had sat on the bridge, taking a moment to relax, while Felix tried desperately not to worry. There had been mines directly in front of the elevator, and he was straining his ears, hoping he wouldn't hear any explosions below. The complete silence was somehow just as stressful.

Their rapid pace up until now had kept his mind busy as he avoided thinking about Clyde. He hadn't been scheduled for this mission but he guessed Jay knew he needed the distraction instead of waiting on the ship and spiraling into anxiety. Now, there was nothing to stop those thoughts, and they grated horribly against his increasing worry for her safety. They were on target to be leaving Monarch soon, and at the other end of the trip to Scylla… 

He didn't know how to feel. Knowing Clyde was alive should have brought him only joy. Instead, he felt a deep anger, a whole lot of fear, and complete confusion. He'd been a kid when Clyde first took him under his wing, acting like a big brother and helping him find his feet in the world. Everything he knew about politics and ideals and anarchism started there.

Felix had trusted Clyde completely, the one constant in a life of instability and inequality. But then, one day he'd just disappeared. And sure, Felix had been an adult by that point, barely, but that didn't make it sting any less. He'd still lost the one person he knew he could rely on. 

He'd trusted again since that loss, desperate to not be alone. Each time had been a disaster, as his too easily given trust was abused. But he couldn't stop trying. Meeting Jay was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he trusted her all the more deeply for it. But a part of him was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her to abandon him. Losing Clyde had broken him, but losing Jay would utterly destroy him.

_She's not Clyde. I know her better than I knew him. Though… I thought I knew him. But she is different. To Clyde, I was a useful tool. But then… I work for Jay. But she's different. She is._

It was always the same loop.

"You okay there, Felix?" 

Nyoka's voice brought him sharply back to his surroundings.

"Uh, yeah. Just got a lot on my mind." 

"I get you," she nodded, and Felix was surprised to see sadness flash across her face. "Lulls like this ain't always good for the mind or soul. Hopefully Cap'll be up soon." 

He smiled gratefully, realising that the hunter's personal mission was surely weighing heavily on her. 

The lift machinery suddenly sprang back to life, and Nyoka got to her feet as Jay arrived.

"Well, that was a weird one," the Captain sighed. "There's a guy living down there with a robot helper and a wooly cow, but he's so on edge I couldn't risk talking to him."

"What's he doing living down there?" the hunter asked, confused.

"I think he's literally never left. There were logs on the terminal by his father detailing the abandonment of Cascadia. He brought his wife and young son down there, barricaded against the rapts and pteros. But he and his wife were both sick and passed away before long. Before he died, he programmed the mech to raise his son."

"Wait, and the kid's been down there ever since?" Felix frowned. "Can't we-" 

"I don't think he's safe," she said sadly. "I couldn't risk alerting him. He seems… well, crazed. Which is understandable. But he doesn't seem like he's a threat, he hasn't left the place at all because he thinks the world has ended. We could probably sedate him and take him out of there, but I think the shock might be too much for him. He's a grown man who's never known a different world." 

"Damn," Nyoka shook her head. "Well, for what it's worth I'm glad you didn't spook him. Doesn't sound like he deserves to be killed. Poor guy." 

"I'll keep thinking on it," added the Captain, as they resumed their path. "But right now, I can't think of a way to best help him that won't backfire." 

Felix considered that maybe his problems weren't that severe in comparison. He couldn't imagine having to live on his own forever, with the sure knowledge every other person was dead. 

Jay slipped her hand into his briefly, squeezing, and he gave her a warm smile. 

~~~

"Used to be, you could get the best wine on Monarch here," Nyoka revealed after they cleared the north side of the old settlement. 

"This must be the side they modelled that one episode of Terror on Monarch that Cascadia featured in," mused Felix. "Crawling with monsters, it was."

Crawling was an understatement, as they'd battled their way through mantisaurs, a mantiqueen, feral sprats, and two mega raptidons. 

One of which Jay was currently investigating the corpse of, concentrating hard.

"Guys," she called, "I think I've found something…"

As Felix approached, he saw she'd turned one of the front legs out slightly, her fingers above an odd bulge where the skin had pulled thinner and-

"Uh, boss, is that a… watch?" 

Beneath the skin, like it was part of the creature, a watch face could clearly be seen. 

"What the hell?" Nyoka crouched down, looking at it closely. 

"'They were no longer human'," the Captain muttered the words from the terminal they'd read earlier, and his stomach plummeted. 

"No way," he groaned. "That's not fucking possible." 

"What's not possible?" asked the hunter.

"There was an entry on one of the terminals," Jay explained, "by Zora. Said she shut the gates because of things that were _no longer_ human." 

"Are you telling me," her eyes widened, "that these… Okay, you can't be saying what I think you're saying, because-" 

"These rapts used to be people," said Felix. "And I have no idea how that could be right. But I guess… they didn't even attack like other raptidons we've faced. And they were by themselves, no smaller ones around which is unheard of." 

Nyoka laughed without humour, shaking her head.

"I don't even know what to fucking say about that," she managed. "This is so fucked." 

"Let's call Ada in," sighed Jay. "Get the rest of the crew on task, hit the secret lab, and get the hell out of here." 

~~~

A jaunt through Rizzo's secret lab should have been something he'd find pretty thrilling, but the grisly prospects of exactly what kind of experimenting had been happening here had him feeling all kinds of queasy. 

_How do you make a person into a rapt? No way good, that's for sure. Is that even what this is?_

They'd worked their way past mines, elaborate traps, and mantisaurs, to get to the lab's environmental controls. As Nyoka explained, rapts and mants required more oxygen in the air than humans did, so lowering the O2 would handily exterminate the entire laboratory in one go.

The Captain winced slightly as she hit the command.

"I know we'd be killing them either way," she gave a small sigh. "Still feels kinda awful though." 

"The minute you feel sympathetic for them, Cap, is the minute you're gonna get eaten."

"Yeah, I know. Just wish this system had some friendly, fluffy animals too." 

With the monsters dealt with, they continued through the building with ease, their guard dropped slightly. Right in time to round a corner straight into the path of a well-armed mech. 

"Proximity alert!" the guardian barked. "Biology: human. Protocol: Kill_All_Mants suspended. Present your Rizzo identification credentials or prepare to be downsized." 

"Disengage security protocols," answered Jay. "I'm not a threat."

"Attempting to disengage security protocols without proper authorisation is a fireable offense. Priming weapons…" 

"You don't wanna shoot us," Felix rushed. "We're - uh - we're from the Board. Real distinguished corporate jackasses, we are. Yeah."

"Mediocre verbal evasion detected. Threat level downgraded to 'negligible'. Weapons disengaged."

Jay snorted a laugh. 

"Impressive negotiating tactics, Felix." 

"Aw, it's nothing, boss," he winked. "All I had to do was ask myself - Felix, what would a real, certified corporate bootlicker say in this situation?" 

"Well, I'm glad," Nyoka frowned. "All this machinery's making me a mite nervous."

~~~

"Right," Jay opened the final lab door. "Let's see what we've- oh fuck, not again…" 

The laboratory contained three large stasis tubes, each holding a near-dead scientist, much like the one they'd seen back in Roseway. He busied himself looting the place, then wandered over to where the Captain was rifling through notes. 

"It's the same scientists as before," she sighed. "Something about rejection of tissue, their bodies changing too rapidly… That they were being moved to yet another location. And onto the next phase of human trials. 

"Don't see what's so brave about experimenting on yourself," he murmured, staring up at the body suspended in a tube. "Damn fool way to die."

"They did it to themselves?" asked Nyoka. "Well, fuck. I ain't got a lot of sympathy for someone willing to experiment on themselves. Or on any person, really."

"Doesn't look like they were about to turn into rapts though," he read through the notes. "And between the tubes here and the three who moved on, that's all the scientists accounted for." 

"So if those rapts _were_ people," the Captain bit her lip as she thought, "they weren't part of the experiment. And this lab definitely shut down before the settlement was evacuated." 

"Could have been just a fluke accident then," Nyoka suggested. "When it all went to hell, maybe some folks got in here, and into stuff they shouldn't have messed with? Or we've just randomly got a raptidon fused with a watch that fights like people. This is fucking madness." 

"Yeah, I'd agree with that," Jay muttered as she hacked into the final terminal. "Okay, reconfiguring the fuel system to accept alta-vitae gas, and… there's the transfer. Done." 

"Great!" Nyoka cheered. "Can we get out of here now? Between the machines and the experiments, my skin feels like it's got mantiswarms inside it."

~~~

_ <"Our fuel cells are now primed with Alta-Vitae gas. As the organics say, let us hope we do not explode in transit to the Groundbreaker."> _

"Thanks, Ada," Jay huffed a laugh as they boarded. "We've got one last task before we leave though."

"The targeting module from the UDL ship?" asked Felix, stowing his weaponry for now.

"Yeah," she ran her hands through her hair, looking frustrated. "I can't give it to Graham, he's a loose cannon. But if I give it to Sanjar, there will never be peace. And if I give it to nobody, the Iconoclasts are gonna attack Stellar Bay. They'll get wiped out, and the Bay will have mass casualties. Fuck." 

"About that," Ellie appeared, slouching against the wall. "Can I have a word, Cap?" 

"Sure." 

Felix went into the hold, and began logging their latest intake. He'd expected Jay to go up to her cabin, but he soon realised the two were conversing in the entry. 

"... I admire your grit," Ellie was saying quietly, "but some wounds don't heal. And I say that as someone who's plugged a few severed aortas."

"What do you mean?" 

"Ginger chops and the pencil-pusher. By all accounts, Sanjar and Graham have been at each others' throats for years. I know you've dug into their personal history but that isn't going to change anything."

"Those two will tear Monarch apart if _someone_ doesn't do something," sighed Jay. 

"Well, they've kept it going this long, haven't they? And anyway, we've got problems of our own."

"There's a reason you're bringing this up."

"I try to save my captain a headache when I can," Ellie attempted to sound nonchalant. "Usually ends up saving me one, too."

"No, this is about Sanjar and Graham. Something about their falling-out hits too close to home."

"Hey, I'm the doctor here. That means I'm supposed to be the one nosing into your business. Anyway, I can take a hint. You stay out of mine, and I'll stay out of yours."

"That's not what I- ...well, crap." 

He could hear Ellie stomping back up the stairs, and as he peeked round the door he saw Jay leaning against the wall, looking a little lost. He walked over to her, offering himself up for a hug that was gladly accepted.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

"This shouldn't be up to me to decide," she said in a small voice. "I don't know what to-" 

_ <"Captain, there is an incoming transmission for you."> _

"Thanks, Ada." 

Felix followed her into the Nav room, and the screen lit up.

"Captain, it's time," said Zora firmly. "I wanted to know if you'll back a change in leadership of the Iconoclasts to me."

"I will." 

"Are you able to get here?" 

"Sure. We're at Cascadia but we're leaving now. Be there soon." 

"Thank you. I really appreciate this." 

The connection cut.

"Could help your decision, boss," he offered. "Zora and Sanjar might just be able to come to an understanding." 

"Here's hoping." 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologise by OneRepublic
> 
> I'm holding on your rope  
> Got me ten feet off the ground  
> And I'm hearing what you say  
> But I just can't make a sound
> 
> You tell me that you need me  
> Then you go and cut me down, but wait  
> You tell me that you're sorry  
> Didn't think I'd turn around and say
> 
> That it's too late to apologize, it's too late  
> I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late


	20. Ignorance

"Captain!" Graham greeted them as they arrived. "You must be back with the access codes to our new ship."

Felix scowled, and realised that for once both he and Max were wearing matching expressions. 

"Graham," said Zora firmly. "We need to talk."

"We have work to do," the Iconoclast leader replied dismissively. "This isn't the time for one of our spats."

"She means stand down, Graham," Jay's tone was calm, but dangerous. 

"Stand… down? I'm afraid I don't understand, Captain."

"You're running the Iconoclasts into the ground," began Zora, her voice steady, "and I don't believe it'll get better after we take Stellar Bay. The troops take orders from me already. And you've… you've brought me as far as you can down the Eternal path. It's time to step down."

"The troops?! Listen to you. This isn't an army. They aren't soldiers. They're believers. Followers. They pick up a gun because _you_ tell them to, not because they want to. And you, Captain. After all you've done for me. For us. You throw behind this mutinous blasphemer?"

Felix growled, unholstering his rifle. 

_So much for hoping he'll go quietly. The fucker is gonna make us fight for it._

"I do," Jay answered firmly. "She's got the best interests of the Iconoclasts at heart."

"I BUILT this movement from the ground up. I've brought freedom to Monarch, and all these years later, we're still free!"

"You've brought death to Monarch," the Captain shook her head. "I told you that the first time we met. And you preach to your followers while standing in the blood of all those you murdered."

"I know the truth now, Graham," Zora's voice shook slightly. "I know what happened in Amber Heights. You didn't start this movement because you wanted to save us. You wanted to save yourself."

"No…" groaned Graham, reeling. 

"Those deaths are on your hands," Jay said quietly. "No religion can wipe that blood away." 

"I've spent years atoning for my sins!" he cried. "I've studied. Meditated. Taught. I built the Iconoclasts so that any man could cast away his past for a fresh start."

"That's your answer, Graham?!" Zora snarled. " _You_ needed a fresh start? After all those innocent lives… I'm sorry. I believed in you once. I did. But… it's over. Stand down."

"I won't!" he yelled, escalating. "What happened back then was a mistake, and the colony has moved on. This is my movement. These are MY people. If you want to lead them, you'll have to kill me."

"That isn't necessary," Jay sighed. "If you really believed in all this, you wouldn't be such a fucking egotist." 

"Please… don't make me do this, Graham," begged Zora.

Felix saw the intention plain on the man's face, and as Graham unholstered his gun and began to take aim at Jay, he put two bullets through the preacher's head.

Zora knelt down, checking for a pulse or lack thereof, as Jay gripped Felix's arm in thanks. His Captain leaned against him slightly, and he realised she'd been a little shaken. 

"Fuck sake, Graham," Zora shook her head as she closed the dead man's eyes. "Why did you have to be such a damn fool."

"I'm sorry, Zora," murmured Jay. 

"Not your fault. Not anyone's fault but his. And now I feel like a jerk for asking, but did you bring that targeting module he asked for?" 

"Hold on. I was thinking you and Sanjar could join forces." 

"I've thought about it, but…" Zora stood, her expression bereft. "I think we're too far gone."

"Your people have suffered long enough," Jay said firmly. "Neither of you can afford this fight. And Sanjar has corporate resources you could use to spread the Iconoclast message if you build together."

Zora was silent for a long moment. 

"You know, Captain… you're right," she looked surprised at herself. "I never thought about it from that angle. All right. If he's willing to talk… I'll give him a chance."

The two began hashing out a meeting point, and Felix went to stand beside Max at the top of the stairs, letting them talk. 

"That was quick shooting," the vicar nodded. "Good work." 

"Ah, c'mon, we both know Jay could have zapped him herself easily enough." 

Max tilted his head at the deflection. 

"Mm. I could be wrong, but I think she appreciates not always having to be the one that pulls the trigger. As someone who aspires to always take the path of the good or greater good, she feels the blood upon her hands all the more keenly." 

"Well, I reckon you're right there," he nodded, "but, uh, I thought the Plan didn't allow for choices of good or evil. According to you, ain't we all planned to act the way we do?" 

Felix was surprised to see sadness flicker in the normally stoic vicar's expression. 

"Indeed," he conceded. "Which is exactly why I've been attempting to find the truth of the entire Equation. People like the Captain make choices that impact upon thousands, based on reasoning that extends beyond factual. I know there's an answer. I just can't see it yet." 

~~~

The last couple of hours had been a whirlwind, as the Captain convinced Sanjar to agree to peace talks - with the help of Celia - and agreed herself to oversee the meeting at the OSI church in the ruins just outside Stellar Bay.

This was the same abandoned settlement that the cannibal family had lived in, and Felix growled to himself that neither faction understood just how uncomfortable Jay was, putting aside her own needs in favour of brokering peace for everyone else.

He and Nyoka were sweeping the ruins, dealing with the one or two raptidons that had started nosing around again as they waited for Zora to arrive. Sanjar had brought a small detail of MSI soldiers, and Felix hoped Zora had done the same otherwise she could fear a trap and turn straight back around.

As the Iconoclasts finally came into view, he headed inside the church, nodding to the Captain to let her know he was there before standing to one side. The central area of the church had two counters, with Sanjar behind one and Zora walking to the other.

Jay came over and stood beside him as the new Iconoclast leader settled herself in, both factions distributing their troops equally. 

"If anybody can get these two shaking hands," he murmured as softly as he could, "it's you, boss." 

"Thanks, Fel'," she smiled, kissing his cheek before returning to the meeting, leaving him blushing happily.

The talks droned on, and he let himself zone out a little as they seemed to be going well. Sanjar clearly had no idea the depths Graham had gone to in securing the destruction of the original MSI, and Zora could certainly relate to being misled by the same man.

Jay encouraged compromise, with Sanjar taking responsibility for Graham's earlier choices, and Zora his latter. Her people were to be given space in Stellar Bay, and MSI would receive Iconoclast troops to secure routes across Monarch. This neatly sidestepped the issue that the Bay wasn't big enough for everyone, and gave them the manpower to expand and fortify the town as well as work towards restoring previous settlements.

_Maybe this way, they won't see the need to go crawling back to the Board after all._

Before Zora had arrived, the Captain had explained to Sanjar the real reason the UDL ship had crashed, but the man had been reluctant to believe that the Board could possibly be struggling for resources as well. He did seem to trust Hiram however, and a quick message from Jay had the Broker radioing Sanjar directly.

_Hiram jumping to her aid is a good thing. And definitely not something I need to feel annoyed about. So could my jealousy please shut the fuck up._

He felt a nudge and blinked back to his surroundings in surprise.

"We're done," Jay smiled at him. "Peace for everyone." 

"Never doubted you for a minute, boss," he grinned, pulling her into a hug. "Time to get out of here?" 

"Oh, _hell_ yes." 

~~~

"Hey, Cap, can we talk?" Ellie's voice floated out of Jay's cabin, and Felix continued down the stairs instead of walking in on them. "So, you really did cool things down on Monarch. Outside of shouting four-letter words, I mean."

"Yeah," the Captain sounded tired, but relieved. "Gives me hope that there's always a peaceful option after all."

"Sure, and Fish Stix are really made from saltuna. Look, I won't knock the work you did. I'm sure they'll have a good cry, look through old photographs, share a pint of premium double chocolate cacow gelato. But sooner or later, things'll go back to the way they were. People don't change. Not really."

"That was… a very specific image."

"Well, who hasn't been there? Anyway, I'd hate to see you get broken up if this thing between them doesn't last."

"I'm glad to know you care." 

He could hear the smile in Jay's voice. 

"Hey, let's not make this out to be more than it is." 

And the blush in Ellie's.

_Ellie tries so hard not to see us as friends who will have her back, but she really can't guard against Jay. Not that I'd ever tell her that her fondness is so obvious. I value my life too much._

Sure that the doctor had stomped back up the stairs, Felix made his way to the cabin that he now spent most of his downtime in. As he stepped through the door, Jay pounced on him with a cuddle and he laughed in surprise.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what's all this?" 

"It's a 'thank fuck we're leaving Monarch' celebratory hug," she smirked, and he kissed her on the nose.

"You are too cute. It's you that people should be celebrating, you worked a damn miracle."

"Not by myself," she smiled, before sitting on the bed and throwing herself backwards with a happy sigh. "Oh, being horizontal, how I've missed you." 

He chuckled, highly amused by her good mood. He lay down beside her with a soft groan.

_Actually, yeah. Lying down is amazing._

Unfortunately, his brain wouldn't embrace rest along with the rest of his body.

"Max has got business on Scylla too, right?" he asked, and Jay propped herself up on her side beside him to answer.

"Mhm. His hermit with the mythical answer. We'll do that after meeting Harlow though, don't worry."

"I'm-"

Felix stopped himself. He couldn't say that he wasn't worried. Everything in his brain for the last day had been worry.

"You said he was your mentor?" she asked gently.

"Yeah," he leaned into her hand as she stroked his cheek. "I was just a lonely orphan kid getting my knuckles dirty. Clyde - I want to say he saw some potential in me. Like as not, he just took pity on me. So he took me in. Gave me a place to live. Gave me something to believe in."

"He was a really big part of your life then." 

"And a big part of who I am," he sighed, his thoughts tangled. "I mean, I'd hope I would have come to the same beliefs on my own. It's not like I just blindly followed him. But he gave me… hope, I guess. That things could change. That there was more to life than grinding away for the Board."

"I think you don't give yourself enough credit," she said softly. "You are incredibly clever, and empathetic towards those in need. You hide it behind your jokes, yet people can't help but like you all the same. You're a really good man, and that's down to the choices you make, Fel'."

He blinked rapidly, swallowing hard.

"Thank you," he managed, interlacing his fingers with hers, and squeezing her hand. "That's… I'm glad you think so." 

"I know so," she winked. "So I guess the big question is, how on earth he ended up on Scylla." 

He smiled at her old expression, realising she'd stopped second-guessing her words around him.

"I've been thinking about that," he murmured. "I mean, truthfully, it's been hard to think about anything _but_ that. Scylla's about as far away from civilisation as I can imagine. Cold, barren rocks, the occasional mining operation… not to mention some extremely oversized monsters." 

"Well, hopefully just the one." 

"Hah, yeah. There really isn't anything there though, and Clyde wasn't exactly a prospector. I guess we'll find out when we get there."

Jay looked troubled, and he hated that he was adding to her burden like this. She was still waiting to hear from Welles, Max was confiding in her a lot as he struggled with his faith, she was helping Par get organised for some big date with Junlei, there was the tracking down of Nyoka's old team to do, not to mention the entire fate of the Hope resting on her shoulders-

"Harlow must have made some enemies," she mused, interrupting his guilt, "the way he talked about revolutions."

"Yeah," he nodded. "I mean, Clyde wasn't a fool. He kept his head down. Worked hard. Did as he was told. You'd never catch him standing on a soapbox decrying the tyranny of the Board. But when the Mardets had their backs turned? Oh yeah.

"And the thing about being a dissident is, no matter how careful you are, it leaks through. You forget to look as browbeaten for a second, or you don't stand in the way a perfectly obedient little worker should in front of just one person… Even when they can't prove it, they _know_."

"Like with your foreman?" 

"Exactly. He was a bastard to everyone. But he took everything out on me the most. Every little grievance. And he wasn't the first. Every 'boss' I had did the same. I'm sure most of it was because I was a dirty stowaway, a disgusting Back Bays brat. But some was because I was a suspected dissident. 

"And if I'm honest, I'd started not caring about hiding it. If I was gonna be treated that bad anyway, it was hard to remember it could be even worse." 

"Damn, I'm sorry, sweetheart. You know the stuff about being dirty or disgusting isn't true, right?" 

"I…" he sighed, cringing a little. "I know it's not but… it takes a toll. Hearing it so often. Clyde was the first person who told me it wasn't true, and explained why people said that kind of thing. The words I was called was the least of what I went through. And I'm not sure I can talk about- I don't know if- I mean, I want to but-"

Jay made a soothing noise, cuddling into him, and he wrapped his arms around her, focusing on the feel of her beneath his hands as terrible memories tried to press down on him.

"You don't have to get into it right now, Fel', it's okay. I understand." 

"Thank you," he closed his eyes, pushing his thoughts back to his current trouble which was plenty enough to deal with. "Clyde always carried on about starting a revolution. Said he was going to do something big." 

"Maybe that something big is on Scylla. We'll find out soon enough anyway. And no matter what happens-" 

She pulled back, looking at him seriously.

"-I'm not gonna disappear on you, I promise."

_How did she know-?_

"Shit," Felix huffed a small laugh, "I'm gonna cry again." 

She smiled, her nose crinkling, and kissed his cheek before cuddling back into him.

"That's okay too," she murmured, and he held her tight. 

~~~

As they waited for the lift to reach the landing platform, Ellie whistled through her teeth. 

"Max was right, this is a proper lair if ever I saw one."

It was an old mining operation by the looks of it, now bustling with mechs and what any other day Felix would have called marauders. Crates of weaponry and mines were stacked haphazardly on one side of the buildings, while the other had containers from what looked like a whole bunch of different ships. 

"Clyde must be inside," he murmured as they stepped onto the lift, and Jay nodded.

He was fairly sure that Ellie's presence meant the Captain wasn't sure whether they were walking into a criminal enterprise or not, the pirate doctor having far looser morals on such things. She'd also positioned the vicar by the door of the ship, an unusual backup measure. 

"Hey!" a grimy man planted himself in their path, grunting aggressively. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Felix Millstone's with me," said Jay, unperturbed. "Clyde Harlow's expecting us."

"Yeeeah," the man eyed him up, suspiciously. "The captain said we might be getting a new recruit. That you, then?" 

_New recruit? Captain?_

"Sounds like Clyde's jumping to conclusions," he shrugged. "But yeah, I'm Felix."

"You're on a first name basis with Captain Harlow, huh?" the guy stood down. "All right. Go on through."

"Got my sights on you," he called after them, and Felix turned to see the man training his scope on Jay's back.

_I really hope I haven't brought us into serious shit._

As they walked through the facility, Felix noticed that Jay wasn't speaking much. Her eyes were scanning the entirety of the place, no doubt making note of every last vent and escape hatch. Ellie was much the same, sizing up each mercenary they passed, along with their weapons. Both were on guard, and if he was honest, he was too. 

The place was a mess. Bedrolls were scattered everywhere, there looked to be only one working terminal, and supplies, junk and random items littered every surface.

_This is worse than Amber Heights. Looks like a damn pirate station._

At the far end of the long room with the lone terminal, punctuated by sullen men leaning against the walls, he saw him, standing over a desk with his back to them. The dead man risen. Clyde. 

_I don't know how to feel. I really don't._

Jay cleared her throat as they arrived behind the rebel leader and his enormous tame canid, and he turned with barely a smile. 

"Well hey there, hullhead," Clyde drawled. "Clawed your way out of the Groundbreaker at long last."

"Uh-huh," Felix replied flatly, letting the silence stretch. "Oh, sorry. Were you expecting me to say something? Maybe a 'long time no see' or a 'you've aged, old man'."

His temper was flickering, and he figured sarcasm was the least the man deserved. Clyde looked at the Captain, an eyebrow raised.

"Nice to meet you," she nodded. "I'm Jay, Felix's captain." 

"So, you took Felix under your wing," the man said approvingly. "Kept him busy. Good. Kid always needed a place to belong."

Jay's jaw tightened, near imperceptibly, and Felix bit back a growl. 

"I dunno what you're trying to say," Ellie spoke up, an edge to her voice, "but he's earned his keep with us. And he's no kid." 

"Hear that, Clyde? I've been making something outta myself."

"So long as you haven't been making a fool of yourself," the man looked at him too intensely, but Felix was determined not to look away, to give ground, and Harlow turned back to Jay. "I'm sure Felix has no end of stories to tell of your exploits together. I look forward to catching up with the boy."

_Boy. Right. Of course._

"Felix had plenty to say about you," she replied, trying to bring some friendliness back to the conversation.

"I imagine he has. I was a mentor to the boy during his formative years. You might say I have an elder-brotherly interest in his development."

"Oh, really," Felix snapped. "Would've been nice to know that some time in the last - oh, hang on, doing some math - half a decade."

Clyde ignored him, continuing to talk to the Captain as Felix tried to reel in his anger.

_Seriously?!_

"I'm working on something. Something big. Something the likes of which Halcyon has never seen. And I want Felix to be a part of my initiative. I'm fulfilling a promise I made to the boy. That one day, he and I would change the colony together. That day has finally arrived."

"Easy there, Clyde," Felix shook his head. "No one said nothing about throwing in with you. In case you didn't notice, I'm pretty happy where I am."

"I am not asking you to walk away from your captain, Felix. But neither should you allow yourself to be controlled by fear. Change is not to be feared-" 

Clyde turned back to Jay. 

"-I brought you here because I want to know where Felix's loyalties lie. When the day of our revolution comes, I want to know that I can rely on him."

_What the shit…_

Jay folded her arms, looking unimpressed. 

"I understand that Felix is part of your crew, at least for now," Clyde continued, still ignoring him. "If the thought of losing him troubles you, then understand that you're helping him solve a problem for an old friend. I want you to deal with a traitor for me. Name's Trask. Kill him and bring me proof of his death. His ring should do nicely."

_She ain't losing me. Least of all to someone demanding I fucking murder on command to prove my loyalty. I wasn't the damn disloyal one._

"Hold up," his former friend couldn't tell, but the Captain was furious, "you brought us here to test Felix? To demand he kill someone? What did this Trask do to deserve death?" 

"He ratted us out to the Board," the old man frowned. "He's been an informant. Has been for years. When he realised I was on to him, he and his little cadre mutinied. Killed five of my own and tucked tail. I don't know where he's hiding, but his wife might. Rosana, lives on the Groundbreaker, last I checked. Rosana knows my crew by name and face. But you're a stranger to her. She'll talk to you."

_So that's why he contacts me now. Time to cash in his credit for looking out for me. More fool me for thinking that was friendship._

Ellie hissed beneath her breath. 

"What do you think, Felix?" Jay turned to him, trying to keep her own feelings from her face.

He sighed unhappily, knowing he was trapped. 

"Clyde offered me a hand when nobody else would... I'd say I owe him a good turn."

"There you have it, Captain," grinned Clyde. "A favour for an old friend."

"There's more to this than he's letting on," Jay murmured, soft enough only her crew could hear. 

"Maybe we should have a word with Trask," suggested Felix, his voice deliberately louder. "Get his side of the story first."

As Jay nodded, Clyde cut across them. 

"You'd be wasting your breath, bandying words with that traitor. But if it makes you feel better - by all means. I want proof. Bring me his ring. I don't care if the hand's still attached. Here-" 

He handed something to Jay. 

"-My token. Think of this as my personal signature. Anyone who knows me by my works will know me by this token."

_And what exactly are your 'works'?_

"How well do you know Felix?" the Captain asked casually.

Felix tried to look nonchalant, hopeful that she would get the information the man was apparently reluctant to give him himself. 

"Well enough. It's been a few years, but I still remember a thing or two. You had a chip on your shoulder. You'd argue over anything and you never backed down."

"What do you mean 'had'?" Felix shrugged. "And for the record, you never could admit when you lost an argument."

"You see what I had to deal with?" 

"There's something I'd like to ask you," the Captain rolled her shoulders, taking up a more relaxed stance. 

"Let's hear it." 

"Felix tells me you disappeared one day."

Clyde's eyes flicked to him for a split second, then straight back to the Captain. 

"I was working on this plan for years," he explained. "Saving every bit I could. Drawing plans. Biding my time. I never intended to spend my life laboring on the Groundbreaker. When the opportunity presented itself, I did what I had to do. I left."

"You might have said something," Felix pointed out. 

"I had some ugly business in Scylla. If I'd told you, I would've implicated you." 

"You want to elaborate on that?" asked Jay. 

"Hephaestus controlled mining operations all over Scylla. Most of these operations failed. The company pulled out, and abandoned their facilities. Mostly abandoned, anyway. This one was running on a skeleton crew. My associates and I seized control in a matter of minutes."

_I guess there's only one way that was 'ugly'. The people working here were just miners for fuck sake. I wouldn't have been 'implicated', I woulda been sickened._

"You said you were working on something big," the Captain continued. "Is this it?" 

"A revolution is the work of a lifetime, Captain," Clyde took on a grand tone. "I've spent my life preparing for the day of Halcyon's reckoning. Everything you see around you is the result of that preparation. A base of operations. Loyal soldiers. Freedom from the Board's oversight." 

"What makes you think you're free?" Jay kept her voice neutral. 

"The skies around Scylla are curiously absent of patrol ships. It's almost as if the Board's sphere of influence is shrinking. Besides, our facility is well-armed and located on defensible terrain. If the Board tries to lay siege to us, we'll make them pay."

"It sounds like you've got some plan to overthrow the Board."

"Hardly," his easy dismissal shocked Felix. "The board is rotting from the inside. Tomorrow, next year, a generation from now - eventually, the Board will fall to pieces. Entropy is the natural state of the universe, Captain. All systems inevitably dissolve. When that day comes to Halcyon, we will be ready."

_That's- that's not a rebellion… That's just sitting and waiting!_

"In an isolated system, entropy never decreases," replied Jay. "When the system falls, so shall you. Relying on Maxwell's demon is a fool's errand." 

"A scientist? I admit, I never imagined a female scholar living the adventurer's life-" 

Harlow turned to Felix. 

"-You do keep some interesting company."

_I can't tell if he's changed, or if I've changed, or if we've both changed. Either way, pretty clear I'm not getting an apology, just patronising insults for us instead._

"So you're a band of outlaws living on the edge of an asteroid," summarised Ellie, sounding bored. "Some revolution."

"Not all revolutions involve bloodshed and fire," Clyde tutted. "The purest act of rebellion is to live according to one's own means, independent of any masters. One day, when the Board is weak and Halcyon vulnerable, we may claim a piece of this system for ourselves. Until then, we bide our time.

"Anyway, I have work to do. We'll have plenty of time to catch up once Trask is dead." 

He turned back to his work, the conversation apparently over, and his canid growled in warning.

Jay glanced at Felix for input, and he shook his head, walking away. 

~~~

"Clyde's got a crew of his own, huh? Good for him."

As the lift raised them back up to the landing platform, he sighed heavily. 

"Something about this feels strange," said Jay softly. "Are you sure you trust this guy?" 

"I know, I know. Clyde comes off rougher than mantisaur hide. He was always a good guy, though. Just gotta get to know him. But, uh, hypothetically, what do you think feels strange?" 

"I feel like he wants you to do his dirty work, and then take the fall."

"Yeah," he ran his hands down his face as they boarded the Unreliable. "You think he's using me, and I'd say that he wouldn't do that, but… I dunno. I'm not sure who we just spoke to." 

"What I don't like," she mused, as Ellie left them at the door to their cabin, "is that he won't catch up with you until you kill Trask. There's no reason for that, other than…" 

"That he's probably using me. Yeah. I guess he thinks I'm still just some wide-eyed kid looking for a scrap."

He sat down on the bed with his head in his hands.

"It's just," he tried to put words to his thoughts, "I thought he was dead, y'know? And now that he's very much alive, I know I should be happy. I should be fucking overjoyed. And I'm not. But I _want_ to be." 

Jay sat down beside him, and he took her hand, needing an anchor.

"I think feeling joy might require being too forgiving of the guy who abandoned you without a word," she said gently. 

"Yeah. I'm still not over that. You'd think a grown man would know how to let go of his past, but I guess I'm just not there yet."

"You were a kid when he met you, Fel', and he was like an older brother. That's not something you just get over. Age has nothing to do with it." 

He squeezed her hand gratefully. 

"Yeah, maybe you're right," he sighed. "Walking out on the guy you raised when you're pretty much the only friend he's got? That's pretty damn low."

_Raised. He did raise me. No wonder I thought he was family. And now… fuck._

"How do you want to tackle this?" 

"I guess after we see Max's hermit, we should go have a word with Trask. Or his wife on the Groundbreaker I mean. Try and get to the bottom of all this. And then maybe I'll be able to get some answers out of Clyde. But…" 

"What is it?" 

"He expects me to sign up with him. Which obviously I ain't gonna do. But what's the betting he says he'll only give me answers if I do? It's just, aside from everything else, I feel like he's holding that power over me. Denying me what I really want to know."

"Why he left you without a word," she murmured, stroking his hand.

"Yeah. It doesn't sound like he was in Tartarus or detained anywhere else. More like he got a chance and took it, and didn't much care about me until he heard I had a ship and could be useful." 

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. He maybe did think you'd be safer if he kept you out of it. And that if he contacted you, you'd only try to find him." 

"Maybe," he muttered. "But in all honesty, I don't see his grand rebellion as anything to aspire to. Sit around and wait for the Board to fail? That's not what we used to talk about." 

"At least he's not in trouble, love. We're headed to the Groundbreaker after we try and find the hermit. Got to offload the gas from the Rizzo's lab. Shouldn't be too hard to get Trask's wife to talk to us."

"Thank you, Jay," he guided her onto his lap and cuddled into her. "I'm glad you were there. And also that you didn't punch him. Mostly." 

She laughed, stroking his hair fondly.

"I only struggled a couple of times," she quipped. "You think you'll be up for coming out with Max in a bit?" 

"Yeah?" he pulled back, looking at her.

"He requested you, if you were able."

"That's, uh, surprising." 

"He likes you," she kissed his nose. "And I think he's feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment. In a way, it's easier for him to be around people who don't believe in OSI at all, rather than those who are ambivalent or casual about it." 

"That makes some kind of sense," he nodded. "What do you think is gonna happen?" 

"No clue," she grimaced. "I just hope whatever it is, it doesn't break him. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignorance by Paramore
> 
> Well, you treat me just like another stranger  
> Well, it's nice to meet you, sir  
> I guess I'll go  
> I'd best be on my way out
> 
> Ignorance is your new best friend
> 
> The same tricks that, that once fooled me  
> They won't get you anywhere  
> I'm not the same kid from your memory  
> Well, now I can fend for myself


	21. She's a Star

"We're getting close to the hermit," muttered the vicar. "I can feel it."

_Well, that's not very OSI._

"These buildings all still have power," Jay said softly. "Four mechs up the hill, and I don't see any way to disarm them. Knock 'em out quick."

Scylla was as eerily quiet as ever, and the slight hum of the patrolling automechs made them easy to pick out of the air. It was an odd place for a hermit to live. 

_Hell, anywhere on this rock is an odd place for anyone to live._

"Boss," called Felix, "got a door. This building is lived in." 

"Right. Good," Max was as jittery as his words. "I must admit I'm feeling trepidation about meeting this so-called hermit. I may finally find the answers I've been looking for, but will they be enough? I suppose they'll have to be."

"Only one way to find out," the Captain nodded, and opened the door onto-

_This looks like Gladys' room. Old lady chic?_

"What have the solar winds deposited on my doorstep now?" the elderly woman standing in the middle of the room spoke quietly. "Just more dirt and debris? Or do you actually believe you are here seeking the truth? I must admit, I tire of the truth seekers. Mayhaps you're here to rob me? That would be so much more exciting!" 

"I mean, if it'll make you feel better," Jay quipped. 

"She's a lady of transcendent wisdom, can you not see that?" Max looked horrified, but the hermit laughed.

Felix nosed around the room a little as the others chatted. There were plants here that didn't look like any he'd seen elsewhere. An odd smell clung to everything, musty. 

_How can she possibly survive out here on her own? The fake scholar mentioned a supplier… but what does she pay with…_

"I'm guessing by certain chemicals," the Captain was saying, "you mean drugs." 

He started paying attention again, quickly realising that the hermit was suggesting the consumption of hallucinogenic drugs for Max to 'aid his understanding'. 

_Pretty sure that's how MacRedd puts it too. Can't be any worse than his shrooms I guess. And there's the answer to how she pays for supplies!_

"I'm committed," the vicar swallowed hard, "no matter the cost." 

"'No matter the cost?'" Felix grinned. "It's just drugs, Max. We ain't making you walk in front of a firing squad."

As instructed, the three of them left the hermit and went into the other room of the building. It was full of yet more plants, with an incense vessel of some kind in the centre above a small flame.

"So, I throw the powder in here, and we all go to Wonderland," murmured Jay, giving Felix another word to add to his mental checklist of things to ask her about. "Ready, boys?" 

"Aye aye, Captain," he grinned. 

"I'm ready," Max nodded, looking mildly terrified.

She dropped the drugs into the container and stood back. 

Felix blinked, as nothing appeared to change. The cloying smell he'd noticed earlier was getting stronger, and he was almost sure someone was laughing. He opened his mouth to speak, but his body wasn't quite listening. 

_Is this kicking in? I don't feel different, just kinda, kinda, kinda-_

"Poor, poor Maximillian," an older woman was walking around the room, her voice full of grief. "Maximillian, why are you still doing this? You've been fighting against the world since before you left home."

"Mother?" gasped Max, presumably Max, a Max who was distorted and blurred around the edges. "You're dead. You can't be here. I knew this was too good to be true! These are just cheap hallucinogens that have…" 

"What's wrong, Max?" he quipped. "Can't think straight? Now you know how I feel. Er, wait. Forget I said that."

_Said what?_

"If she's a hallucination, why are we seeing her too?" 

Felix turned and saw Jay standing there, but unlike the distorted Max, she was shining, an ethereal light spilling forth. 

"We are obviously the victims of a tasteless joke being perpetuated… uhm, perpetrated?" the vicar groaned. "I mean, we're being made fools of, aren't we?" 

The mother of Max, the ghost mother, the drug mother spoke of him needing to look inside himself, and Felix snorted. 

"You look inside yourself all the time, Max. What with your head buried up your posterior."

Jay laughed, like musical notes, before advising the vicar to listen to his mother. The drug mother praised her son's choice in friends, and said something about the stories people told themselves. 

"I got your story right here," Felix laughed, feeling more than a little unsteady. "'I'm Vicar Max - I'm uptight! I love the church and I'm a stooge for the Board! And I don't understand that Felix is a genius!'" 

The conversation between Max and the drug ghost was getting harder to follow, as he found himself distracted by the light shining from his Captain. 

"Seeing the truth is easier said than done," murmured Jay, and the sadness in her voice grounded Felix a little. 

"You need to love the chaos," echoed the ghost, disappearing. 

"This whole thing," Max covered his face with his hands, "it's, it's… just a farce, right? Just… just my own brain working against me?" 

"You couldn't be more right," said Max. 

_Wait. Another Max? What?! I don't want two!_

The second Max explained that he was the fictional Max the vicar compared himself to, never managing to measure up. Max asked Max why he did such a thing. 

"Yeah, Max, why do you do that?" he asked. 

"Max," Jay's voice was firm, as her light reached out. "You need to kill this guy. Now."

_Uh, what?_

"What are you talking about?" the vicar was confused. 

"He's your 'self'!" she sighed. "You need to get rid of him. Get it? It's almost like a bad joke."

His eyes widened in realisation. 

"I can do that," Max stepped forward, and Felix lost sight of the Maxes.

He turned back to Jay only to find she had disappeared as well. He could hear the edge of their voices, getting fainter as they moved further away He spun around on the spot, surrounded only by encroaching darkness, the walls falling away to reveal an absolute empty black.

"No no no," he stumbled, "don't go. I'm still here. I'm-" 

_Fuck, it's just the drugs. It has to be. Nobody has left me. They wouldn't. She wouldn't._

The panic was thick in his lungs, gripping round his heart as he gasped in breath. He closed his eyes, trying to remember where he was, and why he was here. 

_I'm just tripping. I'm fine. Jay won't leave me. She promised. I believe her._

He repeated the mantra until his breathing calmed a little, and he opened his eyes to blinding light. Scrunching his eyes, he saw her, sitting not far from him, staring at her hands.

_She's here. Mi lucero. How do I know those words?_

He went over to her, and when she didn't look up, he crouched down beside her, only to find her crying.

"I'm here, love," he murmured. "Everything is okay." 

"My hands, Fel'," she whimpered, not looking at him. "I can't get it off. I can't- it won't leave, there's too much…" 

"Sweetheart, there's nothing on your hands," he put his own hands over hers, holding them as he spoke gently. 

"It's all over me. Their blood. All of it. They're all dead. I couldn't save them. So many, I- I-" 

"There's no blood, Jay," he held both her hands in one of his, using his other to tilt her chin up so she met his eyes. "You're shining with light, brighter than I can even see." 

"I am?" 

"Like a star, love. What you're seeing is all the sadness and fear and terrible responsibility you're having to carry. And that will take a long time to heal. But you don't have blood on your hands. Everything you do is to help people. I think this place, it shows us what we fear."

"What did you fear?" 

"Something I knew couldn't be true. Just trust me, and relax." 

"I- okay," she nodded. "I can do that." 

~~~

Felix fought to open his eyes, his lids felt heavy with tiredness and muddled thoughts. He was warm, and-

_Wait, no, definitely not comfortable. And definitely really queasy._

He sat up slowly, trying very hard not to throw up. 

"Are you well?" Max loomed in front of him, and he grunted an affirmative. "Excellent!" 

_Loud noises. Too loud. Much. Shh._

"I see you're back with us," he heard the vicar announce, as a soft groan he recognised all too well met his ears. "Feared we lost you there. Never seen anyone pass out yet stay upright before."

"Thankfully," muttered Jay. "All that talking and arguing ruined my high." 

"Ruined? You seemed to be having quite the time. Though I must admit I was a bit concerned when you stripped naked and tried to eat your clothes."

_Uh…_

"Okay, one, I did not. And two, if I did then I meant to do that."

Felix snorted a laugh. 

"I was joking," Max grinned. "I lost sight of you fairly early in the process. Well before I realised what an ignorant fool I've been. Everything… is perfect."

"Really?" Jay patted herself down. "Have you looked around the colony lately?" 

"No, no, not perfect in that sense. But it is still perfect. It's all there to be experienced, to be lived." 

"Well," she tilted her head, "you do seem happy. Or at least not angry."

"I am… content. I have finally found what I was looking for, even though I was looking for the wrong thing."

"You okay, Fel'?" she came over, extending a hand and helping him up.

"I feel like I need to throw up," he winced as the vicar left the room, no doubt to talk to the hermit.

"Aww, sweetheart. Here, have a seat and I'll grab you a drink." 

He sat down on a bench at the side of the room, and experimentally shook his head to see if that would help. 

_ARGH. Nope. No head shaking. Brain does not like that._

"Here," Jay handed him a bottle as she sat next to him. "Something this sugary should help." 

"You are amazing," he said sincerely, taking a big swig and leaning back against the wall. "I shoulda realised I'd be ill. Anytime I had MacRedd's shrooms I was sick after. And then conveniently forgot that next time around." 

She laughed. 

"Not that I did them a lot," he added hurriedly. "But lose a bet in the kingdom, and pay the mushroom price." 

"Good way to field test, I guess," she grinned. 

"Well his shrooms definitely made me less sick than hermit drugs." 

"Maybe you're just getting old." 

He huffed a laugh as she winked at him. 

"Do you remember any of it?" he asked, carefully. 

"Yeah. Max spoke with his mother. Then his perfect self. And then… I was in the Hope, trying to wake people. But each hibernation pod, when I looked in it, was someone dead from Monarch, or Terra. Marauders. The cannibals. Levi. Graham. I opened the pods and just blood rushed out. And I knew if I kept opening them, I'd find… my crew. And- and you."

Her voice had got shaky, and she closed her eyes for a moment, calming herself.

"There was so much blood," she continued. "All over me. And I was so cold and scared... But then, you were there. And what you were saying didn't make sense but you were alive and you asked me to trust you. And then I was waking up." 

"I reckon you had the biggest fears of us all waiting to grab you," he sighed. "And I kinda wish we'd known what the drugs were gonna do going in. Max was afraid of himself, and accepting there's no grand solution. Mine was being left. But yours… you're already carrying such a huge burden, love. That's a shit thing to have to experience."

She kissed his cheek, and smiled at him. 

"Well, it's a good job I have a great boyfriend who can apparently march into my visions and tell them to fuck off." 

He barked a laugh.

"Your fear was being left?" she asked, and he nodded.

"Yeah. No big surprise. It probably would have spiraled, but I knew the illusion of you leaving me could only be just that - an illusion. You promised you wouldn't disappear on me. Drugs can't argue with that." 

"You are the sweetest," she rested her head on his shoulder. "Even when you're high as balls." 

Felix chuckled.

"The only thing that doesn't fit is how I saw you," he murmured. "You were shining so bright. Like a star. Or a beacon. Max looked distorted, though I didn't see him after he found his peace or whatever." 

"He looked distorted to me as well, fighting with himself. You didn't though, you radiated warmth. And when I thought I was on the Hope, I was so cold. And you being there, you warmed me up. Kept me from being frozen again. You keep me alive, so I'm very happy to be your star when you need light."

He wrapped his arm around her, cuddling her happily. 

"Y'know, between us both we'd make a pretty good hermit." 

"That's a solid retirement plan," she laughed. "Though for now, we should probably go and talk to the existing drug-giver." 

~~~

"So, Max," he drawled, "have you found your answers?" 

"Not so much found as finally listened," the vicar smiled. 

"Yes," nodded the hermit, "it is quite the convoluted maze we build for ourselves."

"Existence is simpler with your eyes closed," Jay suppressed a yawn. "It takes courage to open them." 

The hermit smiled at her. 

"It looks like you learned something in there as well." 

"Nah, I already knew that," she grinned. 

Felix chuckled. 

"Of course you did," Max laughed. 

~~~

On the way back to the ship, they'd taken a slight detour to investigate a cave the Captain had spotted from the top of the hermit's hill. As they carefully made their way inside, Felix was entranced by the bioluminescent plants, and the small sprats that lived among them, bright white in colour.

"These little guys are pretty," he murmured, crouching to watch them play. "Don't seem much like the ones I've seen elsewhere. I wonder if there are different species of sprats." 

"Got a mech at the end of the cave," Max called.

Felix caught up to see Jay conversing with an abandoned prospecting drone. 

"Negative," the mech puttered. "The presence or absence of human operators does not impact this unit's assigned directive. This unit achieves perfection by fulfilling its directive."

"This unit sounds like my old foreman," he joked, and Jay laughed. 

"Dedication is a virtue," preached the vicar. "Let's leave the automech to it."

_Hmm. I'm not sure I buy this new Max…_

~~~

_< "Crew report: Nyoka is drunk. Surprise!"> _

"Thanks, Ada," the Captain stretched as she took her jacket off. "You reckon she's okay?" 

"I'll go check," he offered. "Gotta grab some stuff from my room anyway." 

"Ah, the trials of having two rooms," she winked, and he grinned. 

Arriving at the crew corridor, Felix peeked inside Nyoka's cabin, seeing that she was sprawled on the floor by her bed, but definitely still alive. Sam was next to her, cleaning the other effects of her drinking. 

"Got big messes? _Huge_ messes? MEGA GIANT messes? Leave it to SAM!"

_If I didn't know better, I'd swear he has a sense of humour._

~~~

Parvati gave him a warm smile as he entered the kitchen.

"Hey, Felix! How are you doing? Max sounded real funny when he passed through." 

"Yeah. The hermit visit was, uh, kinda weird. He came through?" 

"He's in his room," she explained. "Ellie is hiding in hers too. She's already seen to Nyoka. I'll probably have to clean sick outta Sam's treads again." 

"Oof. Sorry, Par. Hopefully finding her old teammates soon will help Nyoka feel a bit better about things."

"I hope so," the engineer sat at the table, and he pulled up a chair, sensing she wanted to talk.

"How did it go meetin' up with your old friend?" she asked.

"Honestly? Not great," he sighed. "He's been planning this grand rebellion, only it seems to consist of pirating and waiting for the Board to fall apart on its own. And I mean, I _do_ owe him. But he kept going on about how he was glad someone was watching out for me, that I needed somewhere to belong."

"That's hooey!" she exclaimed. "You've been watchin' out for us just as much as we been watchin' out for you. You're family."

"Thanks, Par," he smiled. "That's real nice to hear. I guess it just wasn't the reunion I wanted. Not that I knew what I wanted."

"Were you able to catch up?" 

"No," Felix shook his head. "He'll only do that after I kill someone for him-" 

Parvati's jaw dropped open. 

"-A traitor apparently. I'm gonna investigate instead. See if it's a lead on what the fuck he's been doing. He just assumed I'd want to join back up with him, leave the crew and my captain when he clicks his fingers. I wish I could just be happy knowing he's alive after all."

"That sounds really rough, Felix. I'm glad you know you've got us to help you through. I was kinda wanting to go in with you but it's probably best I didn't. I'd have lost my temper big time." 

"Yeah?" he laughed, finding it hard to imagine. 

"Oh, yeah. When people are unfair like that, or look down on someone? That's when I'd always get in trouble. A boy did it to me once, and I was so upset. My father told me to stand up for myself! So I cracked him on the head with a spanner. Apparently that wasn't what my dad meant."

He snorted a laugh as she beamed at him.

"Hey, is it the Groundbreaker we're going to next?" she asked, trying to sound casual. 

"It is, yeah," he smiled, and she jumped to her feet. 

"I'd better start um, getting myself sorted? Yes. That."

She disappeared down the ladder, no doubt to fret over Junlei some more. Felix shook his head, and wandered back down the crew corridor, grabbing what he needed from his room. Nyoka was still on the floor. Ellie's door was shut. Max was snoring. As he neared the Captain's cabin, he heard Ell's voice sound out, but before he turned away-

"Something about this Harlow guy isn't on the up-and-up," she said, and he entered the room behind her. 

"You wanna expand on that?" he asked carefully. 

"Come on, Felix. He's obviously up to something."

"He's an old friend of Fel's," Jay was leaning back against her desk, looking tired. "He trusted him." 

"Felix would trust a sentry automech if you painted an anti-corporate slogan on it," scoffed the doctor. 

"C'mon, Ellie. Give me at least a little credit." 

"Felix, I've worked on noses that were more complex than you. Don't feel bad - it's kinda cute sometimes. Now, quiet down and let the adults talk, okay?-" 

He rolled his eyes, sitting down on the bed. 

"-The way Harlow was leaning on his revolutionary bona fides - not to mention his knowing Felix back in the day - something about it feels off."

"Clyde was always a decent fellow," he sighed. "I mean, it's not like I'd take up with some double-dealing crook, right?" 

"This matters to Felix," Jay said firmly. "So we're doing it."

"I'm not suggesting otherwise, especially if Harlow's paying. I'm just saying we oughta keep our eyes open."

"I hear you," she nodded, and Ellie relaxed a little. "I protect my crew, no matter what." 

"That's all I needed to hear, Cap," the doc flashed Jay a smile, and spun out of the room.

"I can't tell if she's worried about me," mused Felix, "or if she's just worried about how anything happening to me will upset you."

"I think she's worried about you," Jay laughed, kicking her boots off. "She just doesn't know how to show it other than being mean to you." 

"I've had worse," he smirked, catching her as she went to walk past, and pulling her on to the bed as she giggled.

"I need to shower, y'know," she pouted. 

"Too sleepy for shower," he grumbled, laying on his back so she could cuddle into him. "Sleep first. Then shower. Then, uh, other bedroom things." 

She poked his chest, and he laughed, pulling the blanket over them. 

"That's the sound I love," she purred drowsily, and he smiled, kissing the top of her head. 

~~~

Felix tried not to fidget in his seat. The Lost Hope was surprisingly busy, as a couple of freighters had docked and the various crews were busy spending their bits a whole lot faster than they earned them.

He'd spent the last couple of hours talking to people he knew, trying to get a lead on where Rosana could be found. Jay and Parvati had other business on the Groundbreaker, and Nyoka had tagged along with them, eager to get a look at the old colony ship up close. The Captain probably could have got the information he needed faster, but he didn't want her using her reputation on a mission that may well be shady.

He'd lucked out finally after discovering that Trask's marriage contract was about to expire, and reframing his enquiries as if they came from romantic interest. Thankfully he hadn't needed to shadow her for long once he found her, as she'd led him here, where he waited for Jay. At this point, unfortunately, he knew she was his only way of getting the answers he needed as Rosana was understandably skittish. 

It had been a long time since Felix had done this kind of work, and he felt like a creep. The woman was clearly paranoid about being followed, and the fact he was doing exactly that felt awful. She was no crook or pirate, just a person trying to scrape by on the Groundbreaker like so many others.

As Jay arrived at the bar and made her way over, he felt his heart lighten a little. And there was a scent in the air, like… 

"Mock-apple and synthamon?" he asked. "Par been buying soap from Gladys?" 

"Wow, that's impressive powers of sniff!" she chuckled, and he laughed. 

"Used to do errands for the old girl, remember. I'd recognise those soaps anywhere. Good choice!" 

Jay grinned. 

"She's wanting to pretty herself up for a big date. Gonna ask her intended to go steady. But Par being Par, she wants everything to be perfect first." 

"And she's not at all procrastinating." 

"You know it!" she smiled, and squeezed his hand. "That her by the wall?" 

"Yeah," he nodded, trying to keep his posture relaxed. "She's nervy, understandably so if she knows there's people after her ex-husband. You sure you don't mind leaning on her?" 

"It's not a problem, Fel'. I can do it without scaring her." 

The Captain stood up, and approached Rosana confidently with a friendly smile. Felix kept behind her a little, his hands in his pockets to look as non-threatening as possible.

"You mind?" the woman's eyes flicked from side to side nervously. "Trying to have a moment here."

"I'm looking for a guy by the name of Rufus Trask," Jay was straight to the point, but relaxed. "I'm told he lived around here."

"Rufus and I are no longer on speaking terms. I don't know where he is. And if I did, I wouldn't tell you." 

"I'm on the level. You can ask Junlei about me."

The woman's eyes widened in surprise. 

"You're telling me you're on a first name basis with Ms Tennyson?" she looked thoughtful. "Wait, ain't you the one that fixed the heating?" 

"That's me," the Captain nodded, and Rosana visibly relaxed, her nervous tics fading. "I'm not one of Harlow's thugs. You can trust me."

"All right," Rosana sighed. "I'm gonna take your word for it. Rufus is hiding out in Emerald Vale. Got a few friends with him. That's as much as I know."

"How much do you know about Harlow?" 

"Precious little," she shrugged. "He and Rufus worked together on the Groundbreaker some years back, before he vanished. Few years later, Rufus gets a message from an old friend. Something about starting a revolution. Something about getting rich. Abandoned his work and ran off that very day."

"That sounds familiar," mused Jay. 

"So, Clyde sent Trask the same message he sent me," Felix shook his head. "That doesn't necessarily mean-" 

"Word of advice, kid?" Rosana cut across him with a frown. "Anybody carrying on about a revolution just wants to sell you something. I don't know Harlow. Never so much as bandied a word with the fellow. Rufus felt I'd be safer that way, which says enough in my opinion." 

"Harlow tells me Trask betrayed him," the Captain revealed. "Do you know anything about that?" 

"Only that Rufus is in a bad way," her voice caught a little. "He came to see me a little ways back. Said he had to go into hiding. Never asked why. He was here to collect his personals, complain about Harlow to me, and say goodbye. In that order."

"He didn't tell you anything about Harlow?" 

"No, and he was particular about that. Said I was better off not getting entangled in his mess. Little late for that, says I."

"That's all I wanted to know," Jay nodded her thanks. "I'll leave you be." 

"Appreciate it. No offense meant. Just been a long day, is all."

They headed out of the bar, pausing by the railings. 

"Terra tomorrow then," the Captain nodded, and he sighed.

"Guess it would have been too easy for him to be here. And nobody I've talked to thinks much of the idea Trask is any kind of pro-Board type or backstabber, though he kept himself to himself. But who doesn't? There's no rush on this one, boss, we can fit it in whenever."

"It's no problem," she smiled. "And Nyoka needs a place investigated down there anyway. Got a call from Roseway too." 

"Any word from, y'know…?" 

_Welles_. 

"Not yet," she shrugged, trying not to look worried. "So I may as well help my crew out for now. Shall we head back?" 

"Yeah. Par gonna catch us up?" 

"Mhm. She's chatting with Junlei. Nyoka is doubling as chaperone and tourist."

"What's her take on the place?" 

"It's small, smelly and dark." 

"Hah, finally someone sees it for how it is!"

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's a Star by James
> 
> She's been in disguise forever  
> She's tried to disguise her stellar views  
> Much brighter than all this static  
> Now she's coming through
> 
> Oh no, she knows where to hide in the dark  
> Oh no, she's nowhere to hide in the dark  
> She's a star  
> She's a star


	22. People Ain't No Good

Ellie and Nyoka had persuaded them all into hitting The Lost Hope that evening before heading to Terra 2, and they were several drinks in when Jay received a tap on the shoulder.

"Hm? Oh hey, Tobias," she grinned. "Lilya free? Ell, you wanna come with?" 

"SubLight time? Count me in, Cap!" 

"Be back in a mo," Jay flipped more bits on to the table for them to keep going.

"I'll go order more drinks," offered Felix, as Nyoka regaled Max and Parvati with her best advice on how to kill pteros.

The bar was packed, a combination of the earlier freighter arrivals and today being payday, something many of those he'd spoken to earlier were excited about. 

_Always the loudest night of the month, followed by the morning of most regret…_

He was jostled at the bar as he waited, and a massive hand suddenly clamped down on his shoulder as a horribly familiar voice rang out.

"Well well well, if it ain't the stowaway!" 

_Fuck_. 

For all his past exploits, Felix didn't have many enemies. His affable fool act made him likeable to many, and his known acquaintance of MacRedd kept the rest at bay. But there were others, like his former foreman, and like this jerk with his brainless lackeys, that had him as one of their rotating targets to taunt.

"No hello for your old pal?" the man sounded deceptively friendly as Felix shrugged his shoulder free.

"We ain't pals, Frank."

"Oho, you come into money and now you're too good for us Groundbreaker residents, that it?"

Frank's followers leered at him. 

"We were never friends," Felix moved further away from the men, not wanting to be at the centre of any scene.

"Ah, so cruel to those in your past! Hm, but I bet that captain of yours would just _love_ to know all about your past... _exploits_." 

_FUCK_. 

"She won't listen to you," he snapped, instantly regretting his reaction. 

"Hit a sore spot, did I?" the man smirked, closing the distance between them. "The Felix I remember didn't much care for bosses. Could it be you want to lick her boots for real?"

Felix bit back his retort, and the man burst out laughing, as his hangers on chuckled. 

"Oh, that's too good!" Frank grinned. "The dirty Back Bays brat thinks a captain that pretty would look twice at him-" 

Felix growled, and the man's grin widened. 

"-I can't wait to have a chat with her, tell her _all_ about your _good old days_. But hey, if you're telling me she's that much of an easy slut, maybe I should-" 

The man's face distorted as Felix's fist connected, far harder than any premeditated punch would have hit. He'd reacted in pure emotion - fear, guilt, anger, and pride in one - and he swallowed hard as Frank looked at him in triumph beneath the pain.

_Fucking baited, damnit!_

A hush had fallen across the bar, as Felix stood with bloodied fist trying to rein in his fury, while Frank played up his smashed face for all he was worth.

"Just a fucking animal, Felix," he spat blood on the floor. "You're just a _fucking_ animal."

_Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP_

He was dimly aware of a figure approaching, and when he risked a glance, his heart sank. It was Jay, the crowd murmuring and clearing in front of the recognised Captain, the hero of the Groundbreaker, no doubt on her way to collect

_the fucked up Back Bays brat. Fuck, I'm such a worthless-_

His panicked thoughts were cut off as she kissed him, reaching up on her tiptoes and running her hand into his hair as she pulled him close. She ran her tongue against his lower lip, and he let her deepen the kiss in a rush of happiness that replaced his momentary confusion. 

He wrapped his arms around her, his heart battering his chest, and she eventually pulled back with a soft smile, her eyes never leaving his.

"Let's go home?" she purred, and he nodded, letting her take his hand that wasn't injured.

"Wait a min-" Frank's angry outburst was cut across by Jay, as her commanding tone snapped his spine straight. 

"Harass my crew again and I will fucking end you."

The widening of the man's eyes as he silently made sense of the scene in front of him was a sight Felix was sure he'd treasure for a long, long time.

~~~

"I'm sorry," he murmured as they crossed the docking bay, heading for the Unreliable. "I shouldn’t’ve let him get to me." 

"At least you didn't have your tossball stick," Jay quipped lightly, and he snorted a laugh despite himself. "Don't worry about it, Fel'. I'm sure he deserved it." 

"Yeah, but I should've been more diplomatic. I put up with him plenty of times before. He was just trying to wind me up, and I took the bait."

"Well, if you lay down bait, sometimes you're gonna get punched," she squeezed his good hand. "Sweetheart, you don't ever need to apologise for not putting up with being treated like crap, okay?" 

"It's a bit of a new concept," Felix admitted as they reached the ship. "And I don't want to damage your reputation, boss."

"Hang on, I need to get some stuff from Ellie's room - I'll be right back." 

He crashed down on their bed, taking his jacket off and kicking his boots to the side. Examining his hand he realised he'd been lucky not to break anything, but it was going to bruise up badly. Frank's nose would definitely be broken, but at least Felix no longer had to worry about repurcussions from that. 

Jay returned, and as he sat up, she crouched down in front of him, gently taking his hand.

"Not broken," he murmured. 

"Good!"

She wiped over his knuckles with something cold and stinging, then held a cold pad against them while she cleaned up the rest of the blood. 

"You don't have to-" 

"Shh. Working." 

She stuck her tongue out at him, and he huffed a laugh, letting her take charge. He was uncharacteristically quiet, still angry with himself for not rising above the git's needling words. 

_Fuck, I had to work alongside the dick for years and I never gave him the satisfaction until now…_

_I never had anything to lose before now._

Felix knew he'd talk through everything with Jay in time. But the thought of someone stealing that from him, of spinning it against him- nevermind the thought of those worthless spratfucks thinking they had the right to insult _her_ … 

"There," she looked up at him, and he saw his hand was bandaged up. "How's that?" 

He moved his fingers, and stretched his hand experimentally. The pressure from the bandage helped a little, and his skin was no longer stinging.

"Good," he nodded, and she smiled.

Jay got to her feet, before straddling his lap, surprising him.

"And how's here?" she asked softly, as she sat, and lightly tapped the side of his head.

"Angry."

"At the bar creep or yourself?" 

"Both," he sighed. "I just- I'm really glad you're not angry with me. But I still am, y'know?" 

"I know, love," she murmured, and as he struggled with how much to tell her, he instead kissed her, a little wildly, and she sank into it, purring against him. 

Felix let his need to make her happy consume him, trying to bury his guilt by being good for her, and he moaned as she began moving in his lap, giving the barest pressure against where he was soon straining in his clothes. She kissed him more fiercely, undoing his shirt buttons, and as she unzipped his trousers and ghosted her fingers along his length, he realised she was way ahead of him. 

He had needed to make her feel good, but Jay taking control instead had scattered his thoughts and as she grasped him firmly and began moving her hand teasingly, he broke their kiss with a gasp, babbling softly.

"Fuck, that feels- so _fucking_ amazing, Jay- _stars_ , more- _fuck!_ " 

She kissed into his neck, running a trail of soft kisses down to his shoulder, and bit him lightly, a sharp contrast to the bliss her hands were unleashing upon him. Felix needed to get her naked, to-

He could have sworn he'd barely blinked but she was gone from his lap, on her knees in front of him as she easily opened his legs, and before he could think to tell her she didn't have to, she let her breath fall across his heavy, leaking length and he swore through his teeth.

Jay looked up at him hungrily, and licked a long stripe from root to tip, and he was drowning in the intensity of her eyes as his own breath stuttered. Seeing his Captain between his legs, on her knees, felt so utterly debauched, but she was completely in charge and his self-doubt, for once, flickered out.

" _Stars_ , you're so beautiful," he groaned, stroking his fingers through her hair. 

She smirked, leaning into his hand a little before taking him in her mouth, her lips wrapped around him as she slid her tongue down his length and he had to close his eyes as the heated sensation and sight combined overloaded his senses. 

Felix gasped as he felt her edge him into her throat, and swore loudly when she swallowed, moaning her own pleasure and vibrating around him. He was pouring out a torrent of praise and swearing as she alternated between bobbing on his cock and deep throating him, her hand working him firmly when he was less deep. She took him higher and higher, before changing tempo, keeping him near the point of no return and extending it further than he thought possible. 

He was mesmerised by the sight of her, her plump lips as she took him in, her cheeky wink as she caught him watching, the way her eyes fluttered shut as she moaned, the bead of a tear on her eyelash from taking him down her throat-

_Fuck fuck fuck…_

He was fairly sure his thoughts were spilling out loud, babbled words amongst his groans, and she brought him closer still, keeping him suspended on the very edge as his entire body tightened and twitched. Suddenly she pulled back, and he whimpered desperately, making her smirk as she circled the too sensitive head with her tongue, pressing against the slit, and he started begging

"Please, _please_ , Jay please, _fuck_ -" 

She licked her lips wickedly before taking in his entire length, her hands out of the way, hollowing her cheeks and swallowing him in her throat. His vision whitened out as he came hard, yelling her name, and as he came back to himself he saw her smirking up at him, his cum having dripped across her lips a little and onto his still hard cock

_Fucking gorgeous-_

She lazily ran her tongue along his length, briefly sucking the tip of him as she licked him clean, and he swore loudly, his fingers gripping into the bed as his brain struggled to make sense of the overstimulation. She purred, taking him deeper gently and he whined needily, wanting her to keep going and to stop all in one as his thoughts crashed into each other.

He knew he just needed to utter a single word, any word, and she'd stop, but he really didn't want her to, as the sensations from her clever tongue blew everything from his mind. 

The second climax punched the air from his lungs with its intensity and Felix felt, _felt_.. 

~~~

When he came back to awareness he was laying on his back in the bed, with Jay curled up on his chest, wrapped in his arms, her face pressed into his neck and her fingers slowly stroking his arm. Felix realised that as usual, his hold was way too tight, and as he loosened his arms, she made a happy noise that made him grin.

She kissed his neck and pulled back, kissing his nose for good measure. She lightly stroked the side of his head.

"How's here now?" she murmured, and he laughed.

"I don't remember how to work it." 

"Good." 

"Can I do-?" 

"Nope." 

"You don't know what I was gonna ask," he pouted.

"Mm, still nope," she stuck her tongue out. "Unless the request was to get naked and cuddle me 'til I fall asleep."

"But-" 

"Nope!"

He laughed in defeat, and she climbed off him to let them both undress. As he got under the covers next to her, she turned to face him, and he pulled her closer.

"Not gonna disobey orders, boss. But, are kisses still on the table?" 

"Kissing is _always_ on the table," she smiled, and he sank gratefully into long slow kisses that made his heart melt.

"Thank you," he murmured as she pulled back, before huffing a laugh. "I don't mean for the mind-blowing orgasms, though obviously I'm very thankful for that too. I mean for earlier. When I saw you walking over, I felt… not good."

_Ashamed_. 

She was silent for a moment, gently stroking his face as his eyes fluttered shut.

"Because you thought I'd be disappointed?" 

He nodded.

"Sweetheart, if the fact you occasionally put jackasses in their place was something I found disappointing, I wouldn't have hired you in the first place-"

_Well. That's true._

"-And you don't need to worry about my reputation, okay? That's my concern. If I'd come back to find him winding you up, and you staying silent, I'd have decked the bastard myself."

Felix barked a laugh, opening his eyes to see her smiling at him.

"I mean, you definitely scared him, boss," he smirked.

" _Good_. Listen, you have spent a long time shrugging off shit like that, Fel'. I know you talk your way out of things nine times out of ten. I'm not gonna dump you for punching someone who tried to push you around." 

"Okay," he smiled, and he saw her relax, her relief obvious.

"That said," she blushed slightly, "if I'm present when someone tries to hurt you, I can't promise I won't punch them myself."

"I can live with that," he chuckled, and she kissed his cheek before turning over in his arms with a happy sigh.

As a loud clatter was heard from the stairwell signalling the return of their crewmates, he pressed a kiss to the back of her neck.

"I really love you," he murmured.

"I really love you too, sweetheart." 

~~~

"Hey, there's the man I want to speak to!" 

Felix watched as a nearby Edgewater guard took his helmet off, beaming as Jay approached.

_Ah, of course. Spacer's Choice town. Even with rebels in charge._

"Captain!" the guard grinned. "Didn't think we'd be seeing you here again."

"How's it been with the new mayor?" 

"Well, my boss is not happy. But honestly, things have been running a lot smoother. Happier people makes for less work for us."

"Speaking of," she smiled, "I was wondering if any other newcomers have come by recently." 

"Hm," he thought for a moment. "Actually yeah, I heard from Amelia that she'd heard from Julius that a couple of guys had come in to buy stuff to clear out canids and primals. Figured they were probably hunters, and we ain't gonna object too much to those numbers being thinned." 

"Thanks, Pel, sounds like all is well," she nodded, and the man blushed slightly. "Any ship activity outside Edgewater?" 

Felix tried very hard not to glare at the guy, reminding himself this was for his and Nyoka's benefit.

"Some in the high north, but we've not been able to reach it. Near where you took out Maybell I reckon."

"Well, if I see them, I'll deal with them," she smiled. 

"I'm glad you stopped in," he beamed at her again, before putting his helmet back on to resume his patrol. "Don't be a stranger, Captain." 

Nyoka chuckled as they left the small settlement. 

"Dang, Cap, that boy has a big ol' crush on you." 

"Ach, he's a good kid," Jay took Felix's hand and squeezed as she spoke. "He was the first person I stumbled across when I crashed near here. Kid had managed to somehow accidentally shoot himself. I stopped him from bleeding out, he gave me his gun so I could keep going."

"I'm surprised he let you help him," Felix murmured, reassured by her hand in his.

"Too young to have been fully indoctrinated, maybe. There's more than a few Spacer's Choice folk who'll be all too willing to give it up when the Board goes down."

"Or follow a pretty captain," he winked, grinning as she blushed. 

~~~

"Y'know, primals don't seem nearly as terrifying as when I was last here," the Captain tested one with her foot to make sure it was dead.

The beasts were smaller than their Scylla counterparts, and squatting in a gulch had made them easy to pick off.

"I don't see any signs of people though," Felix squinted down the pass.

"I could be wrong," Jay conceded, "but this is definitely one of the only places both primals and canids occupied. The pass is long. Watch out for mines or traps. If he is here, I doubt he'd rely just on those small primals to keep folks away." 

With Nyoka and Jay both being adept at scouting for traps, it didn't take them long to see the end of the pass. And sure enough, next to a small spacecraft was a band of people, a pile of dead canids, and a campfire.

As he and Jay approached, Nyoka hung back just in case. Jay put her hands up to signify peace, and a man sitting at the campfire stood. Felix noted that none had raised their weapons. 

"I don't know who you are or why you're prowling around here," the man said calmly, "but I'm willing to make a guess. You're one of Harlow's gunhands, ain't you? He sent you after me." 

"Rufus Trask?" she asked, and he nodded. "Harlow said you betrayed him."

"Yeah," Trask sighed heavily. "Of course he did. Thing is, you and I are at an impasse. Harlow wants me dead. And I've got no intention of dying." 

"Why did you betray Harlow?" 

"How do I know that I can trust you?" 

"Well, neither of us trust Harlow," Jay tilted her head. "That's a start."

"You've got good instincts, then," nodded Trask. "You're right not to trust Harlow. I never betrayed him. _He_ betrayed all of us. The Board's got him in their pocket. Been paying him off for years. All that palaver about revolutions? It's a lie."

"You can't be serious," Felix huffed a laugh. "I've known the guy for years."

"Yeah, that's about how I reacted when I found out. That's the whole truth. Harlow's just another Board asset. A two-bit mercenary wearing a dissident's clothes."

_Bullshit._

The Captain ran her hand through her hair, gathering her thoughts. 

"Okay. Say you're correct. Why would the Board buy off Harlow?" 

"Because he's for sale," sighed Trask. "Anything the Board can buy, the Board will buy, and that includes loyalty. Harlow was a charismatic bastard. And he was ruthless. With Harlow in their pocket, the Board had an informant, a pirate, a smuggler, and a gang leader all rolled up into one odious excuse for a human being. Sounds like a deal to me."

_Clyde would never do that. If there's one constant in the universe it's that Clyde hates the Board and all it stands for._

"What was he doing for the Board?" Jay tilted her head. 

"Board-sanctioned piracy. Harlow went after the ships the Board wanted destroyed, capturing anybody the Board wanted captured. If we captured you, we'd ransom you. Harlow liked to do the job himself. Gather up the captives on his own ship, vanish for a couple days. Only that's not what happened. He's been selling his captives off to the board. I don't know where they ended up. Re-education. Tartarus. Maybe worse."

_Not only a pirate but a people snatcher? For the fucking Board? This guy cannot be serious._

"You're asking me to take you for your word. Show me some evidence."

"Yeah, I've got proof-" 

_Fuck._

"-There's always a paper trail when the Board's involved. I chanced upon some correspondence between Harlow and his employer. I don't know if it makes a difference. What was I to do with that evidence? Bring it in front of the Board? There's no authority in Halcyon willing to take Harlow to task. 

"Yeah there is. You're looking at her."

_This has to be a mistake. Crossed wires. Trask ain't no traitor the way he speaks about the Board._

"You ain't like any agent I heard about. You've got a functioning spine. You want to confront Harlow yourself, be my guest. I hid my papers before he chased me out. Back in the middle of the base, there's an old vent in a utility corridor. I stashed my evidence in that vent."

Trask looked between them both. 

"So, Captain, are you gonna kill me?" 

Jay glanced at Felix, and he gave the tiniest shake of his head. 

"I'm not going to kill you," she stated firmly. "But I am going to ask you for your ring."

"You're gonna tell Harlow I'm dead? May as well. I'm never going back to that life again. Here, take the ring. And for what it's worth, my gratitude."

The Captain nodded, and they began their walk back down the pass, Nyoka rejoining them. Felix waited until they were out of sight. 

"Clyde Harlow, agent of the Board," he said, flatly. "Yeah, that sounds even more insane out loud than it did in my head."

"You doing okay?" Jay asked softly. 

"I'm just not sure what to think right now," he sighed. "I knew to be suspicious, but I never imagined Clyde would stoop to informing for the establishment, never mind ransoming people. Then again, Trask knew he was a dead man. Could've been trying to shift the blame."

"True. Though he did say there is evidence."

"I literally can't imagine Clyde working for the Board. But we owe it to ourselves to find out. Trask said the evidence was stashed in a vent back at the base. We should take a look when we can."

"We will," she nodded firmly, and he flashed her a grateful smile. 

~~~

His head was a mess as they crossed the rugged Vale terrain, closing in on where the Captain best guessed Nyoka's former teammates would be found. His two crew members hashed out their plan as they traveled, but he found himself unable to keep up with conversation as well as walking.

Felix knew that Clyde couldn't possibly work for the Board. He also knew that this was the one thing that if it was true, the man would have known he had to hide from him. He knew Clyde was no pirate. He also knew Clyde was now a pirate captain. He knew Clyde…

_Do I? Do I know him? Or do I know someone who doesn't exist anymore…? Perhaps I never knew him at all._

_This could all be smoke with no fire. Two friends that fell out and each accusing the other maybe. It could be that straightforward. Right?_

As they reached an abandoned outpost, the presence of marauders allowed for some much needed distraction. There weren't many, and they were addled on too much adreno, easily taken care of. Only one building looked to be occupied, the lock smashed. 

"Huh," Nyoka took a closer look. "Rebekah taught me this once. You can jerry-rig these old locks so they don't open anymore. But… we've only ever done that if we're in a real bind. Here, I'll fix it."

She prised off the front, fiddling with the wires, and the door swung open.

Jay went in first, and he heard her softly curse. As he followed them both inside he saw two bodies laid out on the ground, holding hands. One had bled out, the other had ended things herself. 

"Oh, no…" the hunter fell to her knees in despair, "no, no, what did you do…" 

"Aw, hell," he breathed. "I'm sorry, Nyoka."

He crouched down next to her, not intruding but letting her know he was there. 

Jay moved carefully across the room, dislodging a rusty journal from the woman's arms.

As she read out the entry, Nyoka crumpled. Her friends had never intended to return to Monarch, instead escaping here on their own only to find out the Vale was even crueler. Surrounded by enemies, Anders had taken a mortal injury, and Rebekah had ended things, knowing what would happen if she didn't as the Vale gangs had a reputation for unmentionable crimes. 

"I don't… they were… that bitch!" gasped Nyoka, trembling. "They were all set to abandon us! What would Clara say, huh? Every day she'd ask if we'd heard from you. And she'd have forgiven you! The kid had a soul that made the sulfur smell like roses! Ugh. I oughta leave your medallions to rot with you, but… Clara would want to be buried with her sister."

Jay made her way over, speaking softly to her, and Felix retreated a little. Looking outside the building he saw a spade, and found a sheltered glade nearby beneath some trees. It didn't take long to dig a fairly deep grave, big enough for two, and it gave him something to focus on.

The fact that the couple had died holding hands had him feeling pretty shaken. It was all too easy to project his own relationship onto the scenario. He'd never been overly worried about his own death, which half-explained many of the scrapes he'd landed himself in, but now…

_That guy knew he was dying, and he no doubt knew what she was gonna do, even if she swore otherwise. If it had been me, dying, knowing Jay would do that… I can't think of anything worse. Fuck, dying and leaving her at all to this shitty system and everyone who demands everything of her and nobody can be fucking trusted-_

He swore softly to himself. His brain was trapped between thinking the worst _for_ Jay, and thinking the worst _of_ Clyde. He tried to focus his thoughts back on Nyoka, the person currently most in need, and finished his task. 

By the time he returned, the hunter was trying to fake being back to her determined self, and Jay helped him deal with the bodies. 

"Good thinking," she murmured, as he filled in the last of the soil. 

"I know she don't care much right now. But I figure this will help her peace of mind later." 

"It will. Let's get her back to the ship."

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments v welcome! 🙏 I hope everyone is still enjoying 💖
> 
> ~~~
> 
> People Ain't No Good by Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds
> 
> People just ain't no good  
> I think that's well understood  
> You can see it everywhere you look  
> People just ain't no good
> 
> It ain't that in their hearts they're bad  
> They'd stick by you if they could  
> But that's just bullshit baby  
> People just ain't no good


	23. You Liar

"Now don't move, you got a little bit of sick in your tread," Parvati's voice drifted out of the engine room as he approached. "There, spick-and-span! Next time you find Nyoka fixin' to barf, you come get me - I'll make sure she hits the can."

"Hey," Felix called out as he entered, knowing otherwise he was liable to make her jump in fright. 

"Oh hey, Felix!" 

Par got to her feet as Sam trundled past happily, and Felix looked her over closely. The engineer had visited Edgewater with Jay and Max before take-off, and he was a little concerned that perhaps her feelings were being crowded out by the louder dramas everyone else was going through.

_Par has the least experience of us all in this shit, and her time in the Vale wasn't exactly the happiest._

"How did the visit to your old town go?" he asked carefully.

She opened her mouth to reply, and then frowned a little. 

"I was gonna say fine, but… I don't know. Lotsa different feelings really-"

Felix nodded as he perched on a crate, listening.

"-like, it's nice seeing that conditions have improved kinda? Obviously they're eating better so there's less sickness. And Adelaide is a better leader in that regard but… she ran some folks outta town who didn't particularly deserve it. But she happily helps others who I know for a fact ain't nice people."

She sighed, wringing her hands a little.

"I only know what you and Jay have told me," offered Felix, "but it sounded like there was no clear hero and villain in that whole situation." 

"Yeah, there weren't. Reed wasn't bad exactly, he was just towing the company line. And for a long time, if he hadn't done that the Board woulda punished us. Adelaide's growing method works, but she has a lot of hate in her. For good reason, mind.

"I just wish Jay had come sooner. She took the option that nobody else even spotted, and it was the best one for sure. She was like a powerful storm that left everything in her wake brand new."

"She must have still been pretty confused by everything when you met her?" 

"Hah, yeah," Par laughed. "Though she hid it well. When I first knew her, she was real quiet-"

Felix blinked in surprise. 

"-I didn't know nothing about her at all. In fact, I don't think she even wanted me around." 

_She changed?_

"Wow. That's… very different from how she is now."

"I think it was hard for her to accept help. To accept she _needed_ help. Maybe she was used to relying just on herself, y'know? But when we were fighting our way to the plant, she had one of her episodes? It was a real bad one, like she was froze in place.

"A marauder almost got the drop on her but I smashed him right in the head, I was so furious! After that I think she realised that I had her back for real. And that maybe she couldn't do everything by her lonesome."

"She did tell me she felt like her biggest piece of luck was running into you so early," Felix smiled, and the engineer beamed at him. 

"I had a real good feeling about her. And even before that happened, she listened to me, and thanked me for my opinions which… I mean, no one had ever thanked me for that before! It was me who asked her to speak to Max in the first place. So even when she was quiet and maybe a bit closed off to begin with, she was still Jay."

_I guess that is different from Harlow changing… right? Being quiet and taking time to open up, that's surely not the same thing._

"I wonder why she was different at first," he tried not to show his worry.

"I'd guess shock probably. Being frozen that long, realising everyone you knew is now long dead, then crash-landed on a new planet where everything's gone wrong? I reckon it's more surprising she didn't just go mad!" 

"That's a good point," he admitted with a smile.

"When we first took off in the Unreliable," mused Par, "she seemed a lot more at ease. I think it helped her feel like she had a bit more control again maybe? Being a proper captain and all. When we docked at the Groundbreaker she was so excited to go see everything."

"And then you met me. I'm guessing I was the first random person to ask to just join the crew?" 

"Oh no, there were lots of others-!" she laughed.

_Okay, that I did not realise!_

"-Plenty wanted to join. They all got turned down, other than me and Max of course. But she already knew us a bit before. You were the first random person as you call it, to be taken on. Which I was real glad of as Jay seemed a lot less sad when you were around."

"You knew she liked me," he blushed a little. "That time we were drinking at The Lost Hope, when I was saying she saw me as a friend." 

"I didn't know for sure, honest. I'm not always good at pickin' up on that kinda thing, and Jay is good at keepin' stuff inside. But the effect you had on her was pretty obvious. You made her smile and laugh and I really do think you saved her."

"Saved her?" 

Par was quiet for a minute, working out what she wanted to say.

"Jay was real focused when I met her. She had a mission, and she was gonna accomplish it no matter what. Like I said, she was a storm that changed everything in her path. But a storm can't last forever. It wears itself out. It disappears. The more I got to know her, the more I feared she'd get herself killed. Push herself too far-"

_I still worry about that…_

"-but she is different now. She's not just thinking of the mission I think, but beyond that. To a real future maybe? And she doesn't overdo it as much, doesn't take the risks she didn't need to take to begin with. Jay is still gonna get her mission done, but I reckon you reminded her that her own life is important too."

"Damn, Par," he huffed a laugh. "You're gonna give me a big head at this rate." 

The engineer chuckled.

"I'm just saying it how I see it. My world was real small before I met Jay. But I think maybe hers was too big. And everyone wants so much from her. You want everything _for_ her. I'm really, real glad she has that."

Parvati looked at him closely, and smiled. 

"Jay today is very different from the person I first met, struggling to piece everything together. But she's not _changed_ , she's just felt safer and safer to be who she is as time has gone by. I reckon maybe safer than she's felt before, in the old world."

"Yeah," Felix blushed slightly. "I know. I guess I'm just worrying about a lot of stuff right now." 

"That's understandable," she nodded, "I can't even imagine how I'd have felt if my dad had changed like your old friend. To have the one dependable person in your life turn into somebody else… but she ain't like that. Nobody's perfect, but Jay is honest." 

She barked a laugh. 

"With us, I mean. Obviously not to the troopers!" 

He smiled, feeling guilt rush over him. Felix knew that Jay wasn't hiding anything from him. She'd never given him any reason to distrust her. But neither had Clyde… until now. 

"Thanks, Par. This was helpful," he paused then cringed slightly. "Although I came here to check on you rather than make it all about me."

"Pfft, I'm fine," she waved her hand. "Edgewater is my past. My present and future are much brighter. I'm glad things are improving there, on the whole, but it was never the place for me. But, I wouldn't say no to watching some Princess of Hephaestus?" 

"You're on."

~~~

The vent was easy enough to find, halfway down the narrow corridor in the middle of Harlow's base. He prised off the cover, and couldn't help but feel disappointed when he found a box inside.

_Please don't be proof…_

The time between leaving the Vale and arriving on Scylla had passed in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Felix was full of dread, not sure if his heart was set to break. 

"Stashed receipts," he noted quietly, rifling through the contents, his fingers stiff. "Detailing payments made to one C Harlow, on behalf of… on behalf of the Board for freelancing services. Including the names of several freighters targeted, their manifests, crew's worth as ransom but paid by the Board, and the sum value of cargo delivered to Board authorities."

He closed his eyes briefly. 

"Looks like Trask was telling the truth," he swallowed hard. "It's all there. Receipts for services rendered. Payments. Records. Ship manifests. Clyde is a pirate for hire, and the Board is paying him off. In typical Board fashion, they left a trail of receipts behind. Ain't that just ironic."

"I'm sorry, Fel'," Jay was both sympathetic and angry. "Fuck. I don't like you being lied to."

"Yeah," his voice fell flat. "You and me both. Clyde owes me - owes _us_ some answers. Something about this don't add up, and I mean to find out why. We should look at that one terminal they have here. Just… give me a minute." 

He crouched down, trying to work out what to do next, to make sense of his thoughts amongst his overwhelming feelings. 

"What did I tell you?" sighed Ellie quietly. "Harlow's 'down with the man' schtick was just an act. No one who yammers that much means half of it."

"Don't sound so excited," Jay cautioned. "This is Felix's friend we're talking about."

"Obviously not. And better for Felix to know that now rather than become the next Trask. I told you, Cap, everyone is out for themselves." 

_He musta known what Trask would tell me. So why send me? Why put me through this?_

"Not everyone is crooked, Ellie." 

"Don't get all mushy on me now. Come on, what did we just learn? People look out for their own interests. It's a fundamental law of nature, same as gravity and conservation of motion."

_He didn't know about the proof I guess. Probably thought me too foolish to see the truth. Too grateful to have him back... even though he told me nothing. Apologised none._

"Maybe," Jay's voice was soft, trying not to disturb him. "But I'd rather try for something better."

"Well, let me know how that works out for you," scoffed Ellie. "Anyway, you really wanna tell me you're helping this scientist because you think he'll save the colony?"

_I can't turn my back on this. Pretend I don't know. That's not who I am. I thought it wasn't who he was either..._

"As a matter of fact, I am."

"And here I thought I'd seen it all. This galaxy must be bigger than I'd thought." 

"Leave it out, Ell," sighed Felix, standing back up. "You know fine well Jay always does stuff for other people's benefit."

"I'm not denying that," she shrugged. "I just don't believe there's anyone else like her." 

"C'mon," the Captain shook her head. "Let's check that terminal in case there are any answers there." 

~~~

Jay hacked into the terminal with ease, revealing a default message of some ridiculous pirate's code, and a few notices. 

One of which revealed Clyde was suspicious of their mysterious 'patron', and that orders to go after small freighters had coincided with larger ones slipping past. 

_So the Board was screwing him over too, even as he worked for them. Big surprise._

There was also further proof of them taking people, coincidentally all Board enemies, and ransoming them, and that alone was enough to sicken him. As far as Felix was concerned, no rebellion that sold people was worth saving. 

"How do you want to handle this?" Jay asked quietly. "We've got Trask's ring…" 

"I need the truth," he sighed. "Which we probably won't get. He'll just cut me out of his life again. And that's probably for the best. I'm not gonna lie and say Trask is dead… I refuse to buy into this shit. I'd only be doing that for fear of losing my friend. And like he said himself… "

"You can't allow yourself to be controlled by fear." 

He nodded, and walked down the long room, to where his old friend waited. 

"What's the word?" asked Clyde, turning around.

"Trask had a lot to say about you," he replied flatly. 

"Not surprised. Trask was a dead man trying to negotiate with his own executioner. He'd say anything to preserve his life."

"Trask told us you've been working for the Board." 

"That's a damning accusation," Clyde glared, and turned to Jay. "Am I right to presume you have some evidence on hand?" 

The Captain held up the papers. 

"You've been bought off," she summarised calmly. "The receipts are all here."

"Those papers don't prove a thing! We've all done business with the Board. They own the whole damn colony. Trask put you up to this - that miserable wretch. He's trying to undermine everything I stand for."

He was still looking at the Captain, and Felix frowned. 

"I think you owe Felix an explanation," Jay shook her head. 

"Listen to me, Felix. Don't go jumping to conclusions. This isn't what it looks like."

"Yeah? 'Cause it looks like you've been taking money from the Board and running to their orders. It looks like you sold out, Clyde." 

"Oh come on, Felix. We've all taken money from the Board. They run this colony. I can't pay my soldiers in ideological purity. If I have to take the Board's money to buy my guns, outfit my troops, and prepare my revolution, then I'll do it."

"I don't care about being paid by the Board. Take their money! Screw them over! What I care about is you following their fucking orders. Taking out their targets. Delivering people right into their fucking hands!-" 

He took a deep breath, calming himself. 

"-Clyde. Look me in the eye and tell me it's not true. Tell me, and I'll believe you."

"Don't talk to me like I'm some common criminal, Felix," the man hissed. "You're the one on trial, not me. I don't know what kind of poison that snake dropped in your ear, but as far as I'm concerned, you've been compromised."

Before Felix could even open his mouth to reply, he saw that Clyde had been backing towards his table, and as he swung round with his heavy machine gun, pointed right at Jay-

_NO!_

-she blinked out of the air and reappeared diving against Ellie, taking them both out of Clyde's sights as his bullets ran wide.

Felix kicked the machine gun from his insecure hold, and Clyde reeled round with a nasty looking knife, his face unrecognisable with righteous hate.

"Don't do this, Clyde, please…" Felix pleaded, using his souped-up tossball stick defensively.

"Traitors get NO mercy!" 

From behind him there was gunfire and yelling, Jay and Ellie handling the rest of Clyde's troops as they came running to back up their boss. He needed to help, they were hugely outnumbered, the pirates coming at them from both sides, and as his old friend slashed at the air around him, he realised, horribly, what needed to happen. 

"How much did they offer," Felix grunted, rolling outside his range again. "How much to turn your back on everyone, and come do their fucking bidding?"

"This is why I left you! I knew you wouldn't understand. And instead, you've found yourself a group of traitors, a captain who uses you-" 

"That's not true! She wasn't the one trying to use me, Clyde!" 

"This is where your ideological purity leads. She'll leave you too when she can no longer measure up to your dreams, boy." 

"I'm not. Your. _Fucking_. BOY!" 

In his rage he left his blindspot open, and as Clyde's knife connected with his hurriedly raised left arm, he cracked his tossball stick round, aiming to knock the man out before he could twist the knife. As his former friend slumped to the floor, eyes rolled back, Felix realised what he'd done as the pain overwhelmed him. He sank to the ground, willing himself not to pull the knife out of his upper arm, sure he remembered Ellie saying to never do that.

Clyde's lifeless body lay next to him, his dead canid a little further away. As he looked up the room, it seemed to sway side to side, and he saw other bodies, all pirates, he hoped. He needed to get up, to go and help, but his body wasn't listening. His hand was wet against the ground and he dimly registered it was blood gushing down his arm as everything started to get hazy. 

_Artery hit. Shiiit…_

He could barely see by the time he heard Jay yelling his name, blurry figures in front of him, Ellie's voice drifting across him.

"Hold on. You're gonna be fine, kid."

_Huh. S'what Clyde used to say. You're gonna be fine, kid._

_I'm gonna be..._

~~~

_How long have I been asleep?_

Felix tried to open his eyes, but they felt just too heavy.

_I'm not… wait-_

Everything came back in a rush, and as he tried to sit up, he forced his eyes open to see Jay gently stopping him, a worried look on her face.

"It's okay, Fel'," she said, radiating calm. "We're back on the Unreliable. You gotta rest and watch your arm. You lost a lot of blood but there won't be any permanent damage." 

His eyes flicked down, seeing his upper arm was heavily bandaged. He couldn't feel any pain.

_Actually, I can't feel anything at all. Gotta remember to thank Ellie._

"Are you okay?" he croaked. "And Ell?" 

"We're both fine, sweetheart," she leaned back, grabbing a drink that she passed to him. "Surface damage only. How are you feeling?" 

The liquid cleared his throat and as his eyes focused better he realised he was in their cabin. He looked back at her, and his stomach dropped as he saw she had a nasty cut across her face, over her left eye.

_Fuck. FUCK._

"This is… this is definitely not how I imagined it'd end," he said flatly, sinking back into the bed. "I didn't… I should never have responded to his message. He could have killed us all. He was aiming right at you. And your eye- fuck, I'm so sorry, Jay."

"I'm fine, love," she said firmly as she took his good hand in hers. "You could never have expected that, Fel'. None of us did. Otherwise we would have said Trask was dead and left." 

He shook his head.

"No. He was helping the Board. Selling people. That's not forgivable. I just can't get my head around it. The void's black, water's wet, and Clyde hated the Board. That's something I just knew. Now? I don't know. I don't know what to think."

"Money can change people," she said sadly. 

"I just hope I never turn out like that. Selling my soul for a fistful of bits."

"You're better than that, Fel'."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, boss," he tried to smile, but he couldn't manage it. “This is all - this is a lot to take in. I always looked up to Clyde. The thought that he could be an agent of the Board is just abhorrent to me."

"I can understand that. You feel like he betrayed you." 

"Yeah. He did. And I'm not sure how I'm going to get over that."

"Well, there's always alcohol." 

Felix huffed a laugh, seeing her smile. 

"No kidding," he murmured. "I'm glad you keep the kitchen stocked."

"It _will_ pass, love. It's just gonna take some time." 

"I hope so. I don't see this one passing any time soon. I've got a lot to think about. I'm gonna be mulling over this whole mess for a couple days. Part of me wishes we'd put Trask in the ground. But you know, I think that's just my frustration talking."

Jay stroked his right hand softly, and he squeezed gently. 

"I'd never have gone back to him," he said quietly. "Even if he'd been all on the level. I wasn't tempted for a minute. I've got all the family I need right here on our ship. Thank you. For being there, I mean."

"Anytime, Fel'," she kissed him on the cheek. "Just concentrate on resting for now. Ellie says it'll be a day or two until you should move about again. And the shock might add to that."

"I'd argue, but I do feel exhausted. My eyes keep trying to close."

"Then let them," she said, smiling at him, and his eyes fluttered shut. 

~~~

Felix couldn't remember ever feeling this bad before. He knew that was partly on account of refusing to remember the worst times in his life, but even so. It had been a long time since he last felt this awful.

The crew had done their best to distract him. Parvati had sat him down and watched tossball and serials with him, though he barely took any of it in. Ellie had kept pushing food in front of him. Nyoka was somewhat absent, but he knew she was struggling with her own grief. Max was all too willing to be helpful, but the new and improved vicar didn't have a good effect on Felix's mood, and Jay had firmly steered the enthusiastic preacher away.

She, most of all, had kept him going. Which was why he hated that he kept pushing her away, seeking solitude. The cut on her face was healing quickly but it would definitely leave a scar. She'd been lucky her eye hadn't been damaged. Every time he saw her he felt immense guilt that he'd put her in harm's way, and he didn't want her to see him like this, so broken. He refused to be that needy, to be another burden, to crumble to pieces.

_Clyde doesn't deserve me feeling this crap. I shouldn't be this upset over such a piece of shit. I already grieved for him years ago, dammit. He could have killed her. Her ability doesn't always work when she needs it to. If she hadn't been able to activate it, he'd have killed her. Or Ell. And I couldn't even protect her from his fucking pirates._

_Fuck, the one thing I was good at was keeping others happy. And now I'm the one bringing everyone fucking down._

_At least I'm still helping Jay sleep._

There was no way he could retreat fully and go back to his old room. That wasn't something he could face, nor would he put her through that. He couldn't sleep himself, but he figured nobody needed to know. Holding Jay while she slept, easing her through any episodes, that still brought him much needed comfort. 

The days were all blurring into each other. They had docked at the Groundbreaker and he didn't know why. He'd been walking around the ship in a daze, mostly just plain hiding himself away, and he felt guilty for that too. Everything else carried on, while he was stuck standing still. The king of the roster could no longer be relied upon.

Slowly though, his frustration was winning out in the battle of emotions within him. He had a long shower, trying to shake some sense into himself. 

~~~

"They think you don't hear it. That you don't feel it. But I know better. I just wish you could stick up for yourself."

He heard Par chattering to Sam in her engineering room, and felt a stab of guilt that he hadn't been paying attention to how his friends were doing. He was painfully aware that she was prone to projecting on her mech, those comments from back home never far from her mind.

He cleared his throat before he walked in, letting her know he was there.

"Oh, hey, Felix!" she beamed. "It's good to see you up and about. How are you feeling?" 

"A little better," he put his best smile forward. "Just stretching my legs a bit. Do you know where Jay is?" 

"She's on the promenade with Ell. Had some stuff to buy and sell. They'll be back soon I reckon!" 

"Thanks, Par," he gave her a thumbs up as he left, and heard her get immediately distracted again as Sam gave a garbled response.

He headed to the entry, and slipped out of the ship. 

~~~

The Groundbreaker was in one of its lulls with no freighters newly docked, and he was able to easily spot the Captain and doctor at the far end of the promenade as they moved from Ike's store, past Auntie's Kitchen and into-

_Wait, why are they visiting that spratfuck Bedford?_

As he approached, he was surprised to see that the usual guards on the front door were missing. He climbed the stairs, listening intently without giving his presence away. 

"-I can't thank you enough!" Bedford sounded overjoyed. "Now, let me see… I just have to apply the seal here, sign like so, and… ta-da! Here are the forms you'll need once you reach Byzantium. Oh! And a Navkey so your ship can travel there-" 

_How…?_

"-Those authorisation forms will let you speak with Sophia when you arrive, and the Navkey will take you directly to her private landing pad. I'll send her a message straight away to let her know you're coming. Phineas Welles, located at last! She'll be delighted, I'm sure! I'll no doubt get a promotion out of this."

_What the FUCK?! Jay's working with Sophia Akande? The right-hand woman to the damn Chairman? The fucking Board?! She GAVE them Welles' location?!_

"Much appreciated, Udom," answered Jay. "It was a hard decision, but it had to be made. Gotta think of the greater good, after all. We'd better get going." 

"Nice doing business with ya," Ellie drawled, sounding smug. 

"Best of luck to you, and thank you again! Give my regards to the Unreliable."

Felix was long gone before they exited the building, heading for the lift to the Back Bays. He slammed the controls, his mind a swirl of angry noise. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuel My Fire by The Prodigy
> 
> I've got word of thanks  
> Thanks that I'd like to say  
> For the rage that I feel  
> The rage that I feel today
> 
> Gotta stack, gotta stack  
> Stack of chips on my shoulder  
> In everything I do 'cause I made, I made  
> I made the mistake of trusting you
> 
> Yeah, people like you just fuel my fire  
> Yeah, people like you just fuel my fire  
> Yeah, people like you just fuel my fire  
> People like you just burn!
> 
> You liar, you liar, you liar, you liar!


	24. I Know Not What I Do

Felix lay on his back, glaring at the grimy pipes above him.

_How did I ever believe I'd left this. That I'd managed to get away. That I was part of something fucking bigger. Sooner or later, it all comes back to this. Living behind a wall, trying to get enough will or denial to try fighting my way upwards again._

At least it was no longer too hot to stand. After the heating had been fixed by-

 _Nope_. 

It was easier to bear without the extra heat. The smell was still awful, the air thick to breathe. He was aware from his proximity to MacRedd's location that the rest of the day and another night and day had passed at least. The old outlaw had kept him relatively close, forbidding him from going deeper into the Bays until he was familiarised with them again and could travel safely.

Staring at these pipes wasn't as bad as staring at the Back Bay ceiling. He'd tried that first, on one of the spare bedrolls, and the memories had nearly suffocated him. The floor vent was cramped and half the height, but it was different and thus barely bearable. 

_Coming back here is so much worse than I ever expected. It was bad enough before, but now, after leaving in a ship, after thinking I'd got out, after all that fucking hope… To have all that only to lose it - it's so much worse than just slipping from the main deck._

The moment he'd connected his tossball stick with his former foreman's face on a day that felt like a lifetime ago, Felix knew his best case scenario was ending up back here. The Mardets had no love for the Board lackeys, so jail time hadn't been that likely. But even so, it had taken him years of work and sacrifice and… 

He swallowed hard, trying to stuff the unwanted recollections back down. 

_All that to be able to fully move to the main level of the Groundbreaker, to get a steady job with a reliable income. To pay my own way. And it's gone. It was worth nothing. I did it all for fucking NOTHING._

Now, not only was he back to being just another Back Bays brat, an unwanted stowaway, he'd also lost almost all chance of being employed again. There was no _point_ in fighting his way back. The ship he'd been waiting on for all those years had arrived and spat him back into the gutter. He couldn't face doing what he'd need to do just to survive, nevermind his old strategies for getting back on top. He'd lost everything, and could trust no one. Better just to fade away.

And as for Clyde… Felix couldn't even bring himself to think much on him. Maybe that too had been better when he assumed his old friend had been stolen away. Instead he knew the reality that he'd been abandoned and betrayed, yet fucking again.

He'd spent years mourning the old man, his lost family, and when they'd reunited he'd discovered everything had been lies. The image of Clyde's dead face, his lifeless eyes as he fell away, was never far from Felix's mind. 

He felt guilty about leaving Par, but even his hope that she alone was perhaps a good person felt like too much to bear. And thinking about her, inevitably led to thinking about-

 _Nope_. 

He couldn't. It was too big a betrayal to process, too huge a grief to surmount. Any time a thought of her tried to poke through he felt like he couldn't breathe. All he could do was try to blank her from his mind, and the weaker he got from lack of food and drink, the easier that became. The creaking pipes made a long pattern of noises, and if he focused on that, the rest got that little bit hazier. 

MacRedd had tried to rouse him a few times, to include him, but he'd firmly resisted. He wasn't going to rely on or trust anyone again, and he sure as fuck didn't want saving. Sure, he couldn't remember when he'd last eaten but-

_So what. There's no fucking point. Nowhere to go. Nobody for me. Just a long line of people waiting to use me and lose me. I-_

"Hey." 

A soft voice spiked adrenalin through his body, as his heart clattered in his chest.

_Of course. Of course she'd fucking find me._

"Felix, I need to-" 

He cut her off, tired of being lied to. 

"I know how it is," he said flatly, his voice hoarse. "More fool me, huh? You just sell somebody out to the Board without a second thought?" 

"That's not how it is," her voice was upset, and he hated that he cared. 

"Whatever. I dunno why I was even surprised."

"I think I'm at least owed being listened to."

He bit back his reply. He knew that he did owe her. 

_And ain't that the reality of what relationships really are? Collecting the credit due?_

Felix sat up with a sigh, and immediately regretted doing so. Jay looked shockingly fragile, her face pale with dark circles beneath her eyes as she sat with her back to the wall. She was gripping her wrist tight, and every now and then a tremor ran through her. His heart lurched in his chest, and he clenched his jaw to maintain his resolve. 

"I was following Phin's orders," she said quietly, staring at her hand.

_What?_

"He knows the Board are closing in," she continued, her voice strained, "and that we're running out of time. He sent a transmission, asking me to play along with Bedford, saying I'll hand him in. Get to Byzantium, find out how much they know, earn their trust, trick them. It's what… it's what I do. Finding. Espionage. Spy work. Whatever you wanna call it."

He felt totally unanchored, his shock and horror quickly crushed by self-loathing and guilt. He knew without a doubt that she was telling the truth. She had never lied to him, not once, and the first moment he'd thought otherwise-

_I didn't let her explain. I didn't even THINK to do so. I immediately thought the worst of someone who's shown me again and again how much I matter to her. I am such a worthless fucking-_

He felt warmth on his arm and looked down to see her hand on him. She'd moved closer, and he met her eyes as she gave a sad smile.

"I'm sorry, Fel'," her voice was still soft, and his heart ached. "I should have told you before I went into action. It's just that you were still kinda out of it, and I was trying-" 

She interrupted herself with a small huff of frustration. 

"-That doesn't matter. I should have spoken to you first and I didn't. I'm sorry."

"Don't," his voice caught in his throat painfully, "please don't apologise, Jay, fuck."

Felix pulled her into his lap, and she moved willingly, cuddling herself into him as she trembled.

"It's okay," she murmured, petting his hair gently at the back of his head. "We're okay." 

"It's _not_ okay… I shouldn't have- I didn't even let you explain, I just-" 

"You've gone through a lot recently, sweetheart." 

"So have you!" he insisted, furious with himself. "We all have. It doesn't excuse me fucking… I left you, Jay. _I_ left _you_. I did the exact thing I was petrified of you doing to me."

"It's-" 

"It's NOT okay!" his voice broke, and he felt her shiver harder against him. "What I did is _not_ okay."

Jay pulled back, her gaze intense as she stroked his cheek. His eyes fluttered shut as he struggled to face her.

_How, HOW can she not be angry?! I betrayed her, I-_

"Alright," she murmured, and he felt himself relax just a little. "But you haven't been okay either, Felix. Shock is a really hard thing to get through, especially when it's coupled with grief. I'm not angry, and I can't be, even if it's what you want. I was just _really_ scared, and I'm so damn relieved I was able to find you."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and she held him as he buried his face against her shoulder. "I'm so, so sorry." 

"I know, Fel'. I've got you."

He couldn't stop his tears from falling, and when he pulled back to look at her, she kissed him tentatively and he surged into her, deepening the kiss, desperate to make sure she was really here. Jay gasped against him, and then she was kissing him back just as fiercely, her fingers running into his hair the way he loved, gripping tight, her other hand tearing his shirts open, and he needed-

_Her. Only her._

Felix kissed her hard, his hands running down her body, caressing her curves as she lifted off him just slightly, not breaking the kiss, settling herself back down so she was properly astride him, grinding a little, and her encouragement made him giddy with need. He undid the front of her clothes, drowning in her kiss, feeling her move against where he was pressed hard and heavy, but he couldn't take his lips from hers, kissing her every way he knew how. He was terrified that if he stopped, even for a moment, she'd disappear. That he'd wake up, alone and abandoned, staring up at those fucking pipes. 

He pushed down the front of her lower armour, his fingers finding her ready for him and he moaned into her mouth as he started working her slowly. Jay threw her head back, her breath stuttering, and he licked a hot stripe up her throat, only to gasp himself as her hand found him.

Her fingers were light as air on his straining length, teasing, wanting - he hadn't even realised she'd opened his clothes, and he whimpered at her touch, all his thoughts zeroed in on wanting, needing, demanding-

"Too many clothes," he managed, and she stood, removing herself from his touch, and he faltered, suddenly unsure.

Faster than his eyes could track, she was back in his lap and naked, her clothes appearing at his side instead, and she fluttered kisses up his neck as he held her tight, momentarily frightened he'd lost her.

"I'm here, sweetheart," she murmured, taking him in hand again, bringing his thoughts back to where they'd been so focused.

"Need you," he whispered, kissing her more slowly, his hands worshipping her body, letting the rest of the world fall away again.

Jay sank into his kisses, purring in pleasure, and she lifted herself slightly, before-

_Fuuuuck_

He moaned into her mouth as he entered her, his heart pounding, and as she pressed gentle kisses to his cheeks, he realised he was still crying.

_I love you. I love you-_

"So much, I love you so much. I love you…"

Felix was babbling quietly against her and he didn't care, all he cared about was her. That she was here. He'd been ridiculous enough to think she was gone forever, and he was overwhelmed by the depth of his feelings for her. All of his thoughts were pushed from his head, his entire world blissfully narrowed to just her. 

"I know, my love," she leaned her forehead against his as she finally took all of him in, her breath trembling as she kept moving slowly. "I love you, Felix, more than anything. I love you." 

He kissed Jay passionately as she moved, and he pressed his fingers against her, circling quickly. It was faster than he wanted, but he _needed_ to have her come undone, to reach the heights of pleasure at his hands, to apologise in any way he could for leaving her, to feel in every way possible that she was here... that she was his. 

She was making the softest noises, her body tensing as she pulsed around him, and her fingers pulled at his hair as she squeezed tight. Felix groaned as he clenched his jaw, pleasure slamming through his body. Her hand gripped his shoulders, her nails digging in tight, and as she flew to pieces, she leaned in by his ear, panting gentle words.

" _So_ good, Fel'. I've got you, sweetheart."

He kissed her hard as he came, muffling his cry against her mouth, as she slowed him gently, kissing him deeply. His entire body shook as she trembled in his lap, and he held her tight against him, gasping in air as the pleasure was immediately replaced by suffocating guilt. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm…" 

He was babbling quietly on repeat, and she wrapped her arms around him more tightly, softly soothing him as he buried his head against her neck. He gradually quietened, her reassurance breaking through his flood of apologies. 

"I've got you, Fel', always. I love you. We're okay." 

_She's here. I didn't lose her. I didn't lose everything. I'm not stuck here. I'm not on my own. She's here. Thank the fucking stars..._

He huffed a small laugh, and pulled back to see her smiling. She gently wiped beneath his eyes as she brushed her own tears away. 

"Shit," he rasped. "I'm a mess." 

"Join the club," she chuckled, leaning her forehead back against his. "At least you're not a naked mess."

Felix grinned sheepishly. She moved in his lap slightly, and he exhaled loudly with a shudder.

" _Fuck_ \- just… I'm good, just wait a bit?" he managed, grabbing for her clothes. "Don't go just yet…" 

_Don't leave. Please._

He draped her jacket round her shoulders, keeping any chill at bay as he wrapped her in his arms again, and she smiled at him.

"You're beautiful," he murmured.

"For a mess," she smirked.

"Beautiful always," he insisted, kissing her nose. "Thank you. For finding me."

"MacRedd helped." 

"He's a git like that." 

She snorted a laugh, and he grinned, kissing her again. 

~~~

"So the Board, then," he began slowly, as Jay got dressed next to him. "You sure we can't just put some fear into them? Get 'em scared of us. Y'know, piracy, vandalism, maybe some light arson." 

It hadn't escaped his notice that she was making sure she was always in contact with him, leaning against his legs as she redid her straps and buckles, giving him the extra reassurance he needed. 

"The Board's got plenty of reason to fear us," she smiled. 

"I hope so," Felix nodded. "But you just scored an audience with Sophia Akande. That's the Adjutant to the Chairman, his right hand. I doubt you'd get to meet her if they were scared of us."

"That's why I had to say I'd give them Phin. I don't think much else would have swayed them. I'm not gonna trust her, Fel'."

"I know," he reached out and squeezed her hand. "But we gotta be vigilant, y'know? This is how the Board gets you. A job here, an errand there - before you know it you're calling 'em sir and ma'am."

"Well, if you start calling me sir I'll know we're in trouble," she quipped, and he huffed a laugh.

"I mean, maybe in the bedroom," he smirked, before hesitating. "It's just… working for the Board always costs more than it pays. No job's worth your principles, and they've corrupted a lot of good people."

"Yeah," she nodded. "That's a good point."

"I just- wait, it is?" 

"Yes!" she laughed at his surprise. 

"No one's told me that before," he blushed slightly. "I mean - yeah. Absolutely. Think about it." 

"I will. Job's like this always take a toll. It's a lot of work to maintain a front, to be a fully formed fake persona and convincing on the surface while keeping your real self detached but maintaining your own morals. I don't expect anyone else to do it, though hopefully you can keep me right. But I can't let them capture Phin. Without him, the entire system is fucked."

"I'm with you," he said firmly, "and the rest of the crew will be as well. Despite me trying to completely fuck things up, I trust you, and so do they."

"I know, sweetheart," she kissed him softly. "Thank you. You ready to go home?" 

_Home. I have a home._

" _Yes_." 

~~~

He'd barely set foot in the Unreliable when he was pounced on by a whole Parvati. He gasped a laugh as she hugged him tight and scolded him at the same time.

"We were so worried, Felix! Don't ever do that again, y'hear?" 

"Yes, ma'am." 

"I mean it!" 

"I know, Par. I'm sorry I worried you."

"Worried all of us, ya dolt," Ellie's expression was struggling between anger and relief.

"Sorry, Ell. Won't happen again."

"Good."

"I'm glad you're back, too," Nyoka smiled at him, holding out her hand for a fist bump which he gladly gave. "My door's always open if you need someone who's been through it." 

"Thank you, Nyoka. I appreciate that." 

_And didn't remember she's also just experienced betrayal and grief in one go, dammit Felix._

As the rest of the crew left, presumably at Jay's hint, Max came forward from where he'd been standing at the back patiently.

"I'm glad you've returned. And I'm sorry that I didn't spot just how much you were struggling. If I might borrow your own words, my head has been buried up my posterior again." 

Felix snorted a laugh. 

"Yeah, I've been doing the same. Guess we've both still got a lot to learn."

"Very true. Give me a shout when you want to catch up on the tossball. I recorded last night's for you."

Felix smiled gratefully as the ex-vicar left him to it.

_< "Welcome back aboard, Felix.">_

"Thanks, Ada," he said softly, taking Jay's hand gratefully. "I've been quite the jackass, huh."

"Well, neither Par or Ellie punched you so you definitely got off lightly," she winked, and he grinned sheepishly. "C'mon, food then bed for you mister."

~~~

He sat down on the bed more heavily than he'd intended, a subconscious tip to the weight of his thoughts. The Captain had explained the whole plan as he wolfed down food, and realising just how much thought she'd put into it all had soothed any of his remaining worries.

But the memories that had started bombarding him when he left, assuming the worst, refused to let up and he was deeply anxious they'd result in him acting like a fool again somehow. 

Felix gazed out the window, his eyes tracing the lines of the old colony ship he had thought he'd never escape. 

"Talk to me," murmured Jay, sitting next to him. 

He took her hand in his, staring as he moved his thumb across her skin.

"My mind is all in one big tangle."

"Try starting with whatever's at the front. Doesn't matter if it's all connected or not. If it doesn't help, we can stop." 

_Okay. I can do that._

"I hate coming back here," he began. "To the Groundbreaker, I mean. It was the cage I couldn't get out of. I spent all my time dreaming about my ship coming in, and pushing everything else down. When I'm here now… it's hard." 

"Hard not to remember how you felt before?" 

"Yeah," he nodded. "And hard not to… not to think of the place as my ultimate destination, no matter how long I manage to get away. It's just always _there_. Waiting."

"You won't ever be back here for good, Fel'." 

"I almost just was. Bad enough I'm terrified one day you won't wanna put up with me anymore, but apparently I'll go ahead and push you away anyway."

She squeezed his hand. 

"Why do you think you're just being put up with?" she asked softly.

"Because… it's all just _too_ good. Too perfect. I dreamed about joining a ship. I dreamed about being able to take action against the Board. I dreamed of rebellions and making a difference. I dreamed about finding someone I could really trust. And, it literally all came true. _All_ of it.

"It's too- I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you."

She was silent for a long moment, thinking. 

"What makes you think you don't deserve those things? Or me?"

"I-" 

Felix hesitated, trying to gather himself as he pushed the automatic jokes back down. He was tired of pretending he was fine. 

_I need to get this out._

"Wanna lay back?" Jay asked softly, and he nodded.

He waited til she was lying down, and he stretched out beside her, nuzzling into her neck. She moved onto her back, letting him rest his head on her chest, and he closed his eyes as she held him, gently petting through his hair, still slightly damp from a much-needed shower. 

"Surviving on the Groundbreaker isn't easy for anyone," he sighed, "but when you come from the Back Bays… you don't get no training. No teaching. And I knew I needed that if I was gonna get out. I couldn't get proper work, as I didn't have the training. And I couldn't get that without school. 

"So I did illegal jobs instead. And used the bits to pay for teachings. That's where Gladys came in. And she started having me run errands for her so I didn't have to pay for learning. And then Clyde let me stay with him. But everything still costs bits, y'know? I had to eat, I couldn't wear clothes I was outgrowing, I needed stuff to read. Turning up to jobs not looking clean meant no work."

He swallowed hard, his heart racing. 

"I did a lot of jobs I didn't want to do, because I had to. I found people. Ran messages. Eavesdropped. Stole a whole lot of stuff. As I aged, the work changed. Roughed some folks up. Intimidated a few. Drew the line at killin'. I hated it. So when Clyde left and I had no way to stay on the main level on my own, I switched to doing work that... that only hurt myself. People'll pay to beat someone up. To abuse someone. Fuck someone. All of the above at once usually. Paid more if you tried to get away, was _convincing_ enough, could withstand the most pain. 

"I was fortunate in being seen as cute, so usually there was demand. I was fit enough to keep going, keep withstanding… everything. And I finally worked up enough bits to get a bunk on the main level. Maintain a good enough front that I was able to score a proper job on the docks, and never do the old shit again.

"But people knew. That I was just a dirty Back Bays brat, that I'd been bought and sold and fucked and used and-" 

He cut himself off, grateful she was still stroking through his hair tenderly, letting him talk. His heart was loud in his ears, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her true reaction.

"When I went to MacRedd's this time, I tried sleeping in places that looked like my old digs and I just- I couldn't. He was always kind to me, couldn't understand why I put myself through what I did, why I couldn't just be an outlaw in his kingdom. Patched me up a few times. But when I went back this time, I couldn't stop remembering everything. Going back to living that way, I fucking, I just, I- I-" 

"I've got you, sweetheart," Jay soothed, her voice soft, and he cuddled her tight.

"You deserve everything," he continued, "and I do a good impression of being happy go lucky, and that ain't a lie, I _am_ happy. The vast majority of the time, I'm so happy, Jay. I got out, and I do good things, and I love this crew, and you are more than I ever dreamed of. But you… you deserve better than me. You give me everything and I tore it up in an instant because inside, I'm all just jagged pieces, broken and sharp and dirty and…" 

"You didn't tear anything up, Fel'," she said firmly. "You tried, but I didn't let you. And I won't let you. As long as you love me, I will never ever let you go. No matter what."

"You deserve better." 

"There is nobody better than you, love. You've been through horrible things, and those that hurt you? I want to tear them to fucking shreds. It doesn't make you broken or dirty or anything else. Having scars from the battles you survived doesn't make anyone weak. It makes you human. 

"And that you went through all that and came out the other end a compassionate person who fights for others? Who does all he can to make people smile and laugh? That's incredible, Felix. _You're_ incredible. I know that's something you're gonna struggle to believe, I get that. But I feel so damn lucky to have you in my life. You're just, the beautiful opposite to anyone else I've ever been with. You are _everything_ to me. You're my everything, Fel'."

He propped himself up on his side, looking at her intensely, trying to catch the slightest flinch or cringe away from him. Instead she smiled softly, gently stroking his cheek, and he leaned into her hand, craving her touch. 

"You're really okay still touching me," he breathed, and saw sadness flash through her eyes before she leaned up and kissed him.

When she broke the kiss, he felt dazed, unsure of how to process everything.

"The only thing that's changed, sweetheart, is that I want to kill a whole lot of people for hurting you."

He huffed a laugh, as relief swept over him, and he realised just how much weight keeping his past quiet had added to his shoulders.

"Thank you," he smiled, genuinely, and she wiped under his eyes tenderly.

"Thank you for telling me, love. And for coming back to me." 

"Always," he breathed, closing his eyes as she kissed his cheek. "I love you. So much."

"I love you too, Fel'," the smile in her voice opened his eyes, and he saw the crinkle of her nose that always warmed his heart. "Listen. If you're ever struggling, just try and let me know if you can. You don't need to be able to get into what it is, but you're allowed to ask for what you need." 

"I just need you."

"I know, sweetheart. But I don't ever want you feeling uncomfortable or trying to put up with anything that brings your bad memories back. That is really _really_ important to me."

"Okay," he nodded, and saw the relief in her eyes.

_Fuck. I can do that. I can't do it for my own good, but if it hurts her otherwise then I can._

"Just for the record," he kissed up her neck as he spoke, as she made the quietest of happy noises, "you have _never_ made me feel uncomfortable, Jay. It's always been the opposite. With you… everything is different."

He bit into her neck lightly, and moaned softly as she shuddered.

" _Mine_ ," Felix growled. 

"Mm, _yes_. Yours, Fel'." 

Tipping her chin with his hand, he kissed her hard, as fiercely as he could, while undoing the front of her shirt with his hand. Her skin was soft, cool to his touch, and he knew she craved the heat that always came from him. 

With the way he was still wrapped around her, she couldn't get her hand to more than his shoulder, the other curled around behind him, her fingers tangled in his hair, and he took his time caressing her, feeling her, luxuriating in having full control to dedicate only to her.

_Mine, mine, mine…_

He trailed his fingers further down her body, under the waist of her bottoms, and found her hot and slick as he struggled not to grind himself into her thigh. Jay gasped against him, breaking the kiss, and he went back to kissing and biting at her neck and throat, pausing to murmur against her ear.

"So beautiful, boss. You're so fucking gorgeous for me. Stars, _look_ at you."

He circled his fingers harder, like she'd shown him, and he raised his head to watch her as he slowly brought her undone.

This was as far from his memories as he could possibly get, as she tenderly stroked his hair, and looked at him with adoration as he pleasured her, bringing her joy and relief and touch and everything he wanted so badly for her. Jay's happiness was what made his heart thud, and the fact she still gazed at him with the same eyes, still wanted him… 

He'd hoped that she'd understand, and he'd tried to prepare himself for any shock or difficulty she might have in dealing with his past. He'd feared that she wouldn't understand at all. But the fact she'd not only understood, but accepted him fully, without hesitation… he had never felt so truly wanted, and it was dizzying. 

Felix slipped his hand forward, turning, and resumed the pattern with his thumb as he pushed a finger inside, and a torrent of swearing poured from her mouth. He chuckled softly, and she pulled him into a feral kiss, her tongue chasing his, as he groaned at how desperate she was, how unashamedly needy for him, his whole self.

"Fel', fuck, I need you, please, _please_..." 

_Fuck me-_

"Patience, love," he murmured. "I want to see you come again… and again… and again."

She tightened around his finger, mewling a little, and as she shoved her clothes further out the way, he paused to help her get naked. He lay down on his side and pulled her against him, her back to his chest, and she huffed at still not being able to get her hands on him properly. As he resumed his work though, delighting in feeling her whole body tighten against him, he felt her grinding back into him, making his own breath falter.

"So cheeky," he smiled against her, and she huffed a laugh.

"Literally." 

He snorted, amused, and quickly pressed another finger inside her, stealing her breath as she panted his name on repeat. She was trembling against him, clenching around his fingers more and more intensely, and he licked into her neck wickedly.

"Come for me, beautiful." 

Her hands clutched at the bed as she did, her whole body snapping back as she arched in bliss.

"So damn gorgeous," he praised, slowly taking his hand away, and getting rid of his own clothes as she panted.

When he moved back into position, she purred happily at feeling him naked at last, and he chuckled as she wiggled her hips against him. He was hard and straining against her, desperate to sink into her, and he held his cock in his hand, teasing against her as she desperately tried to find purchase and push down.

"More?" he murmured, and she laughed. 

"Felix," she managed, "please fuck my brains out." 

"You're the boss…" 

He pushed into her slowly, biting into her shoulder to muffle his moan. The heat, and the tightness, he could never ever get enough. He took his time, the slow pace being what he needed, to know he couldn't hurt her, that she didn't want to just use him and leave, to be connected and to feel

 _everything_

Jay turned her head back to meet him and he kissed her tenderly, his arms holding her tight to him as she ran her fingers back in his hair, making him growl happily. 

He ran his hand back down her body, finding where she was sensitive, and as he pressed down, she clenched around him, her body trembling. She broke the kiss as her body tensed, and the sight of her combined with how good she felt, the way her body was responding around him, had his head in a spin.

Felix kept fucking her, deep and slow, and she was meeting him every time, adding a circling of her hips that made him moan. She was getting tighter and tighter, and he pressed kisses up the side of her neck, hovering over her ear.

"Come for me, Jay. Keep coming, _please_."

She was trembling all over, swearing quietly, and as she came with a soft cry, he rocked her through it, gentling his movements.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" she gasped for breath as he grinned, feeling her relax utterly against him.

He pulled himself out of her, and she hissed her complaint.

"Turn for me, love," he instructed, and as he moved back a little she rolled round into his arms, running her hands around his neck and kissing him.

He deepened the kiss as he pushed back inside her, swallowing her moans, and he spent as long as he could moving slow, deep, deeper as he kissed her over and over again. This angle was less intense for her, but he was now sinking in to the hilt, and she was no longer able to stay quiet, moaning loudly and showering him in praise. 

"You feel so amazing, fuck, _so_ good inside me, sweetheart- you're perfect, so fucking _good_ -" 

Every word of acclaim wound him up harder, as it got more and more difficult not to speed up, to get more aggressive, to fuck her into the bed. 

"You can let go, love," she murmured against his ear, as he buried his face in her neck.

"Can't."

"What do you need, Fel'?" 

"I…" he hesitated, not sure which of his clashing thoughts was correct.

She stroked through his hair, grounding him.

"I'm not sure," he breathed, "but maybe… permission? No, that's not right-" 

He huffed in frustration as he came to a halt, his thoughts tripping over each other.

"It's okay, sweet thing," Jay soothed him gently, her fingers softly stroking through his hair. "We don't have to do anything. But if there's anything I can give you, I will."

"I need…" he swallowed hard. "I need to know you are in control, that I can't hurt you. Can you order me? Be, uh, my boss?" 

"I can do that," she said firmly, and her confidence knocked his anxious thoughts aside.

She pulled back and met his gaze as he stroked her cheek gently.

"I want all of you, Felix," she ran her tongue along her teeth, and tilted her head, baring her throat to him as her commanding tone took over. "Now be good for me, and fuck me hard. Make me yours-"

He snarled as he surged forward, rolling her onto her back and pinning her beneath him as he licked into her neck and snapped his hips. He pulled almost completely out then slammed back in as she gasped and swore, tearing her nails down his back in long scratches, pulling him to pieces between the slightest pain and greatest pleasure.

Praise was still falling from her lips as she moaned and gasped, calling him good and hers and every positive word that no one else had ever given him. She tilted her hips, taking him deeper and he kissed her harshly, trying to reign himself back in in case-

"Harder, Fel'. You're so incredible, sweetheart, give me everything." 

He pounded into her, harder than he'd ever meant to, confident she was okay as she commanded and kept praising, and he groaned as he felt her clenching around him, as she suddenly screamed his name as she flew to pieces. 

"Fuck, _fuck_ , Jay," he gasped as she met his gaze, her eyes full of love, "I'm close, I'm gonna-" 

"My good boy," she smiled, and as the pleasure slammed through him, his vision completely blacked out.

There was bliss shuddering through him, and caressing fingers on his skin and in his hair, warm laughter, and utter and complete safety. This was home. This was _everything_.

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Forgive Me by Bryan Adams
> 
> Please forgive me, I know not what I do  
> Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you  
> Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through  
> Please forgive me, if I need you like I do  
> Please believe me, every word I say is true  
> Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you


	25. City of Delusion

"Shit-" 

Felix jerked upwards, realising he was crushing Jay, and she laughed, gently pulling him back down.

"Worth the squish," she kissed his nose, and he grinned dopily.

_Wait-!_

"I didn't hurt you?" panic flickered through him, and she shook her head. 

"Not even a little, love. I'd tell you right away if that ever happened."

"Good," he breathed out, relaxing into her arms again. "It's not… I don't always, or at least I didn't-" 

He huffed in frustration, and she stroked the back of his neck, waiting patiently. 

"-Going, uh, _hard_ isn't something I've wanted or felt able to do in a very long time," he explained. "I love going slow, it's… good associations only, y'know? But with you, I want _everything_. But it's difficult to separate it from bad memories." 

"So you need me to take control… for the reassurance that _I'm_ safe?" she asked, and he nodded against her. "I can do that. Talking during sex is highly underrated."

"I'm very glad you think so, given I can literally never shut up," he quipped as he lifted off her, and she laughed. 

"I told you that the first time we did this, Fel'," her voice was sounding sleepy, and he smiled. "I love hearing you. And for what it's worth, I like the way you do things." 

"Yeah?" he helped her clean up. 

"Of course. With you I'm always sure this is more than just physical. And that's definitely something _I_ need." 

"I'd make a self-deprecating comment," he joked, as he lay back on the bed again. "But I'd get told off." 

"Yup!" she crashed down beside him and kissed him on the cheek before cuddling into his chest. 

She squeezed him extra tight and he gasped a laugh as she chuckled. Jay gave a happy sigh as he nuzzled against the top of her head.

"And you don't mind the bossing about?" 

"I mean, I am your boss," she drawled, and he huffed a laugh. "But no, I don't mind a bit. If it helps you know I'm okay, then it helps me know you're okay. I like it."

"Good," he murmured. 

"I wouldn't have realised if you hadn't said," she added. "I mean, I'd have thought it'd be _me_ who would need to be careful rather than you?" 

"Yeah, I get the logic of that," he said softly. "And in some situations that might come up. But I guess, I _know_ I'm safe, that's undeniable. I just- I have a fear of you ever feeling like I've done in the past. I don't ever want you hurt that way."

"I won't be, puppy," she murmured, and he smiled in surprise at her sleepy term of endearment. "Not with you. But I'm happy to keep making sure you always know that."

"Thank you. And thank you for bringing me home."

"s'not home without you, Fel'." 

_Fuck. I am ridiculously lucky._

"Love you, Jay."

"Love you too, sweetheart."

She was asleep in seconds, and he realised she probably hadn't slept at all the previous night either. Aside from being worried about him, before he'd shared her bed she had barely been able to sleep anyway.

Felix couldn't imagine how he'd have coped if he'd returned to the ship any other day and found her mysteriously disappeared. He knew she'd forgiven him, she'd made it clear she wasn't angry in the slightest, but he couldn't forgive himself. He was extremely glad that his foolish brain had at least accepted the truth immediately when she spoke to him, and not kept him going down the path of self-destruction. 

He knew he'd have to work to regain everyone else's trust. He'd gone from being the most reliable crew member to turning his back on them all in the blink of an eye. No matter how much they sympathised, he knew they'd all been through terrible things as well. Nobody in this system hadn't. And Jay had arrived here in truly traumatic fashion, with what he guessed was a painful history of her own. 

But he hadn't let himself deal with or even think about any of his past in a long time. He had denied himself any self pity so he could keep moving forward, and he'd kept up the front of a jokester or even fool to get by. Clyde's reappearance, subsequent betrayal and sudden death, had cracked it all wide open in one awful moment. He'd never spoken to his mentor about any of what else he did to survive. Why would he? Nothing anyone could do about it, and the less Felix could think about any of it, the better. And after Clyde was gone- after he _left_ , things had gotten so much worse. 

He'd never told anyone. Everyone on the Groundbreaker surely knew anyway. Frank's goading had hardly been unique. But now… now he had started to talk through it. With the one person he'd feared judgement from the most, even as a large part of him insisted she'd never judge him. But the relief that she had been so accepting was overwhelming. And the fact she hadn't been distraught was an extra blessing. He couldn't have coped with upsetting her again, and he knew that her light joke about wanting to kill those who had harmed him wasn't really in jest. If she ever came across one, she would tear them apart.

Felix huffed a quiet laugh to himself. He'd never wanted to actively take revenge on those who'd gone way too far, as that involved looking at those memories. But he certainly wouldn't cry over any she happened to fell. But he also knew she wouldn't go deliberately looking, not without him asking. He could trust her, completely, and he did.

His actions over the past few days still worried him. Pushing her away, then turning away from her entirely… He had thought his worst fear was her leaving him. Now he had a new worst fear-

_That I might leave her by being a complete jackass._

Talking it out helped. Even when his mind was tangled and he didn't know where to begin. Stuffing it all down, that led to nowhere good. 

_I can talk. It's the one thing I've always been good at. And it is easier, with her. Seeing how upset she was... I can't ever deny what I mean to her again. She's got me._ _And I've got her. And that's all that matters._

He looked up at the bunk ceiling and smiled, letting himself slowly drift off to sleep. 

~~~

_< "We're now in orbit above Byzantium, Captain."> _

"Thanks, Ada," Jay holstered her weapons, stretching in her armour to make sure it was fully flexible.

Felix was packing light, which he was not a fan of, but he knew he could hardly walk into the heart of the Board with his trusty grenade launcher.

_A guy can dream though._

"We gotta talk," Ellie leaned against the wall, and the Captain nodded for her to continue. "Since we're in Byzantium, there's something I've been meaning to do.

"What's that?" the Captain turned to her with a smile. 

"I haven't actually talked to my folks in a while. Shocking, right? Anyway, it's probably about time I paid them a visit. Given the dangerous life I lead, they've gotta be worried sick."

"You want to visit them?" Jay blinked in surprise, and Ellie huffed a laugh. 

"Yeah, I know. I'm not the visiting type. Which brings us to where we are today, several messages and a few years late."

"Of course. Once we're done with the Adjutant we should be able to stroll straight out." 

"And, uh," she wrung her hands a little, looking unusually anxious, "I was thinking you'd come, too." 

"Um, why would you want me to meet your parents?" 

"Because it would be fun?" 

Felix glanced between the two, as Jay struggled to work out what Ell needed from her.

"Level with me, Ellie," she said gently. "What's this really about?" 

"Okay," the doctor sighed, scuffing the ground with her boot. "They know me as Marilyn the surgeon, not Ellie the pirate-" 

_Marilyn…?_

"-But you, you're _authentic_ rabble. True riffraff. When they see you, they'll get it."

Jay laughed, highly amused.

"Gee, thanks, Ell." 

"Great!" she grinned, relieved. "And when we get there, maybe draw out your rough edges a bit. Like your swearing, that's _great_. Does your armour have bloodstains on? That would help. Oh, and help yourself to the good snacks, and put your feet on the coffee table. Mother HATES that."

"I get you," Jay chuckled. "Act like a pirate from the serials." 

"Exactly!" Ellie beamed. 

"Do I not get instructions?" Felix asked. 

"Nah, you're fine as is," the doctor smirked. 

Jay fell about laughing, as he tried to work out whether that had been a compliment or an insult. 

~~~

"Ah, Byzantium," he announced as they stepped out of the ship. "The city of snobby elitists and punchable faces."

They were on top of the HHC building, at the Board's private landing pad. A couple of guards stood by the nearby door, glaring at him. 

"Dang, would you look at that." 

Felix wandered over to where Jay had exclaimed, off to the side of the roof, looking out through a large window, and his eyes widened.

_Fuck me._

Byzantium was huge. Tall buildings, street after street as far as the eye could see, all lit up with electric lights. The buildings were taller than he'd known was even possible, and the sheer number… 

_I never even imagined this. So many buildings. There must be so many people! This is incredible._

As he looked out across the distance, ships of all sizes were travelling above, freighters and private rigs, skimming over the rooftops. He realised there was a haze of sorts, over the more distant buildings, meaning he couldn't tell just how big the city was.

_And this is just one side of it. All the streets seem to curve round this point... given this is Board headquarters, we're probably smack in the middle._

"This… is not what I was expecting," Jay murmured.

"Wait til you see it up close," muttered Ellie, appearing beside him. "Then you'll understand."

"Is it radial, with this building at the centre?" asked the Captain, and she nodded.

"Halcyon Holdings Corporation headquarters. The normal docking bays are almost right under us, encircling this entire area. This is the Acropolis district, restricted access for only the most prominent citizens. The Estate district nearby is where the richest live. Prosperity Plaza is the hub of culture and commerce. There's Odeon Pictures in between, which, yes, is where all the serials get made."

She smirked at Felix who couldn't help but be interested in _that_. 

"Okay," Jay nodded. "Let's go." 

~~~

The HHC building was, of course, crawling with heavily armed UDL guards. Narrow corridors funneled them towards a checkpoint, where they were stopped. 

"Not so fast," barked the guard, looking down at her screens. "All right, you're clear. The Adjutant's expecting you. Go on through."

Felix felt like his skin was crawling. This was the last place he'd ever expected to find himself. Still, his task today wasn't nearly as difficult as his Captain's, and the least he could do was pay attention and not fuck it up. 

As the elevator pinged open onto a vast room, he saw a desk at the far end, where a bespectacled prick sat, glaring at them. 

"I see you haven't been shot to pieces by the guards," the man tutted as they approached. "Do you have an appointment?" 

"No, but I have papers," Jay handed them over, and he gave the slightest of nods. 

"Of course. You're that curious spacer Mr Bedford mentioned. Just a moment, please-" 

He leaned forward and pressed a button in front of him. 

"-Madam Adjutant? Bedfords's contact has arrived. Shall I clear your schedule?" 

A woman's voice spoke back, as a screen above them flickered to life, showing none other than the Chairman's right hand. 

"No, thank you, Percival. I doubt this will take long. I'm Sophie Akande - Adjutant to the Chairman."

"Jay," the Captain kept it brief. 

"I've been reading all about you. This dossier from Edgewater was especially engrossing."

"This should be good," Jay drawled, sounding amused. "Go on."

"I've been keeping up with you ever since Emerald Vale. Now that was an interesting piece of work. A run-down backwater barely worth the ink on a map - until you showed up. You walked through Edgewater, and in your wake transformed it from a loyal company town to a haven for dissidents. I'm actually a little impressed. Anyone with eyes can see that you're talented. But you're also unpredictable. I don't like unpredictable."

"I'm not afraid of the Board. That's what you don't like."

_Damn right._

"I happen to like women with a working spine. I just haven't decided if I'm willing to trust you yet. I have a job for you. One of our cartographers needs to be retired. I want you to carry it out."

_Fuck. That's gonna be hard to fake._

"Why would I help you?" asked Jay, in a lazy tone. 

"The opportunity to become the Board's most valuable freelancer, and all the perks that come with it. Rachel Lockwood. Cartographer for the Bureau of Exploration. She's done some sensitive work for us, but now she's a loose end. Lockwood has to go. Get rid of her. Bring me her work. Then we'll talk about Dr Welles."

Jay raised an eyebrow. 

"Deal with Lockwood," Akande summarised, "and I'll know that I can rely on you. That counts for more than trust."

The Captain was silent for a moment, drumming her fingers lightly on the counter as the bespectacled git glared at her. 

"Consider it done," she nodded. 

"If we don't do it, someone else will," shrugged Ellie. 

"So now we're taking orders from this pompous bureaucrat?" Felix fed a little anger into his voice.

"Keep your associates in line, Captain," snapped Akande. "I expect them to follow your orders as you follow mine. At the very least, I expect you to do better than the other freelancer. Report back to me when you're finished."

"Other freelancer?" Jay tilted her head. 

"There's another freelancer working this job, but he's been dragging his heels."

"Then I best get started." 

The screen cut out, and Jay nodded to the secretary before heading to a different elevator. 

"So is this how it's gonna be?" Felix said angrily, his body tense. "Adjutant tells you to kill somebody, you kill somebody - no questions asked, no trouble to your conscience."

"I'm doing what I think is best. For everyone." 

"I sure hope so." 

He kept his face set into a frown, unsure when they'd be outside Akande's cameras. The whole of Byzantium was no doubt under high surveillance, and once outside this building there would be no further mention of Welles or their genuine Board business until they were back on the Unreliable.

Felix reckoned he'd played the part of objector well enough. Had the Captain brought two crew members who readily agreed, suspicions would have run high. For one to shrug, and the other to object, they hopefully looked pretty genuine as a group.

Jay had kept her options somewhat open. Giving none of her motivations away, and leaning into the droll pirate persona. Her deeds spoke for themselves, but without knowing her cause, they looked somewhat random. Her unpredictability was their main playing card, and so far, so good. 

~~~

Directly outside the huge HHC building there was a courtyard with only one entrance, with more heavily armed troops stationed behind mobile barricades.

A couple of other doors were on surrounding buildings, and it dawned on Felix that if he subtracted the number of UDL troops, this part of the city was extremely empty. As they left the exclusive area, there wasn't a huge difference in scale; buildings were still towering, in an odd style he'd never seen before. 

_Posh as fuck. This must be the Estates District…_

"Sure, they look fancy," Ellie drawled, "but inside, they're just marble and existential emptiness. There's my parents' place-" 

She indicated with a nod of her head. 

"-Smell that? Industrial-grade cleaning solvent and desperation."

"Oh, so it's not me this time," he quipped, hearing Jay chuckle. "Whew."

~~~

"Marilyn? Is that you?"

Ellie's dad was not quite what Felix had envisioned.

"Laws, we certainly didn't expect to see you like _this_."

And neither was her mother. 

The two looked like a regular set of bumbling elitists, and he had to work hard to keep the astonishment from his face. The house was pretty much what he had imagined at least - cold, echoing, and uninspiring.

_A person could go mad in a place like this…_

"And I didn't expect you to renew your marriage contract," snarked Ellie. "But we're all full of surprises today, aren't we? Speaking of surprises, you should meet my new friends. We've been running around the system for a while now, stirring up all sorts of trouble."

She glanced at Jay, who was leaning casually against the wall, and the Captain lazily spat on the floor, looking unimpressed. 

"Fancy place," she growled, showing her teeth. "I'll probably be takin' a few things with me."

_Hot damn. I, uh, probably shouldn't enjoy that as much as I do…_

As Ellie's parents looked suitably appalled, Felix began poking around the room, noting this also displeased them. 

"There you go again, Cap!" Ellie grinned. "Always menacing polite society. Anyway, you're probably wondering where I've been all this time."

"Not exactly…" her father tailed off. 

"The last few years have been a bloody haze. You wouldn't believe the messes we've gotten ourselves into. Right?" 

"Theft. Vandalism. Profanity. _Public_ fornication," the Captain was enjoying herself, and ran her tongue along her teeth, making Felix wobble slightly. "You name it, we've done it at least fuckin' twice."

"Yep! We're a pair of disgraceful lowlifes." 

"Marilyn," her mother flapped her hands, "this really isn't the best time. Perhaps you should go."

_Hm, what is going on here?_

"But… you can't just kick us out!" Ellie rallied herself. "We'll stay as long as we like! And while we're at it, we'll drink your expensive hooch, wear our outside shoes all over your nice floors-" 

"Yeah, about that," Jay sounded a little confused as she dropped the pirate act. "These floors aren't just _nice_. I've not seen any quality like this in the system before." 

There was a momentary pause, as Ellie glared at the offending ground, while her parents looked at the Captain with widened eyes.

_Hah, to their ears normal Jay sounds posher than they are._

"She's right," Ellie sounded troubled. "Since when can you afford authentic Terran marble?" 

"That's what we've been trying to tell you, dear," sighed her father. "But you must understand… we hadn't heard from you in ages."

"We thought you were dead," her mother said, a little flatly. 

"Don't sound so disappointed about it," frowned the Captain. 

"I'm not dead!" Ellie cried. "I just never wanted to talk to you again."

"I'm afraid the distinction was lost on us, darling," her father stated calmly. 

Jay sighed, and Felix moved back around the room to be by her side. 

"Spit it out already - what have you _done_?" the ice in the Captain's tone stung like a whip, and he could see Ellie's parents were taken aback.

_Switching between pirate and what sounds to them like elite authority is melting their brains._

"We only did what any grieving parents in our position would do," the woman turned back to Ellie. "We collected on your life insurance policy."

"And the payouts have been rather… substantial," her father added.

_Ah, shit._

"You WHAT?!" Ell exploded. 

"But I'm sure you're much happier now knowing Ellie's alive and well, right?" prompted Jay, not looking very hopeful. 

"Of course," her mother crooned, before continuing, "and we shall always harbor that joyful secret deep within our hearts."

_Fucking void. So much for parental love._

"And you'll report it to the insurance company, right?" snapped Ellie. 

"It's not that simple," her father simpered. "We'd have to cut back on so many, ah, necessities. The neighbours would be sure to notice."

" _Why_ did you do this?!" 

"We couldn't very well tell people you'd run off to become a miscreant, could we?" her mother tutted. 

"I'll have you know Ellie's a PROFESSIONAL miscreant," Jay interjected, and he saw Ellie light up a little at her support. 

"Shh!" her mother was horrified. "Someone could _hear_ you."

"We concocted a story about Celeste Jolicoeur designing a pair of twelve-inch heels for you," her father sighed. 

_Okay, these words I definitely don't understand._

"One-of-a-kind, naturally," her mother smiled, with breathtaking lack of concern. 

"That led to your tragic death when you tripped and broke your neck," her father concluded. 

_Wow_. 

"So," Ellie glowered, "what are you gonna do now that we're here?!" 

"Yes, about that," her father nodded. "We were just about to ask you to leave."

"Quietly, if you don't mind," smiled her mother. 

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," snarled Jay, furious. 

"That's it?" Ellie sounded more vulnerable than he'd ever heard her before, and his heart sank for her. "You just want me to disappear now?" 

"Don't cause a scene," warned her father. 

" _I'm_ ready to cause a scene," growled Jay, and Felix nodded his agreement. 

"Let's just get out of here, Cap," Ellie murmured, uncharacteristically deflated, turning to glare at her parents. "Fine. I'm gone. Forever this time." 

She stormed off, and he exchanged a glance with Jay before following, not so accidentally knocking some glass bottles of expensive alcohol onto the floor where they shattered.

"Whoops!" Felix attempted to steady the table, 'accidentally' knocking another bottle over. 

Jay smirked as the awful couple flapped around behind them. 

~~~

"Can you believe those two?! We'd hardly been there a minute, and they turned us out like yesterday's garbage…!" 

Felix moved away a little, knowing that while Ellie was slowly managing to be more vulnerable with Jay, she wouldn't thank him later for overhearing. 

There was an enclosed grassy area across the street, and he saw small animals moving around. Curious, he strolled over to investigate, as a posh couple of Byzantines sitting on a bench studiously ignored him. The animals, their pets he presumed, were tiny canids and he blinked in surprise as one ran up to him.

They were as small as sprats, ridiculously little for a canid, and while the other, now asleep, was roughly the same colour as a wild canid, the one that was at his feet was an explosion of bright blue-green, with a purple-tipped bushy tail, and a deep chocolate underneath. 

The critter made little chirpy noises and he crouched down, petting it experimentally. He smiled as it started purring, rolling on to its back for tummy scritches. 

_Okay, you are damn cute._

"Did you see that slovenly young woman cause a nuisance with Lionel and Theodora?" the two posh nobs on the bench had apparently decided to resume their conversation. 

"How delicious! Was there a scene?" 

_Ugh. And wait, neither look slovenly, thank you, they both look great._

"Quite! There were raised voices, vulgar insults, and even some… _expressive_ gestures."

_And you saw this, how?_

"About time someone took them down a peg. That story about their daughter bought them entirely too much status."

_This is a city of fucking awful people._

"You know, my Esmerelda came from a very exclusive breeder. _Her_ taste in people is exemplary." 

_And I guess this little guy's isn't, as he's being friendly to a scruff like me. Figures._

"Mm. This town really is going to the dogs." 

Felix danced his hand across the ground, chuckling as the little canid pounced at him, making tiny growls then licking his fingers when successful.

_Such a friendly ball of fluff. I wonder if he's anything like the pets back on Earth?_

Pets were a rare sight on the Groundbreaker, as the ship already had a sprat infestation problem, while the various canids belonging to pirates were banned from disembarking at the docks. The Chief maintained that having to write paperwork explaining wild animal maulings on a spaceship was not her idea of fun.

Still, he knew the grounders often kept sprats, and given the Captain's reactions to the chickens at Roseway, he wouldn't be surprised if some people had them as pets too. These tiny canids only seemed to exist in Byzantine.

_I wonder how long it took to get them this small-_

"We've been here five minutes and you already have a dog," Ellie arrived with a smirk.

"What? No, it's-" he pointed to the bench, which was empty of people.

_Oh, crap._

"Aww, he is darling!" Jay crouched down, and let the little canid sniff her hand. "Hey, little dude…" 

She giggled as the little dog started licking her, wagging his tail. 

"Who does he belong to?" she looked up at Felix, who had been whirling around in a panic.

"Um, I think I maybe just got him dumped," he cringed. "His owner was right here, complaining about the poor taste of being friendly to riffraff like me." 

He bent down with a sigh, and picked the canid up, which promptly snuggled into his arms and fell asleep.

Jay gave a tiny squeal. 

"What do these guys eat?" he looked to Ellie.

"Same as the wild ones. So pretty much anything I think. But they're not even big enough to be useful, at least the normal ones make good guardians."

The critter started purring in its sleep.

"Oh my god," Jay squeaked quietly, stroking the pup.

"Yeah," he grinned, "I think we're keeping him. I mean, he was just abandoned, I'm not gonna leave him. I can probably fit him in my jacket for now…" 

"Don't you need the Captain's permiss-" Ellie cut herself off. "Nope, silly question, she's got googoo eyes."

"HE'S SO CUTE THOUGH!"

Felix laughed at how excited she was, as he got the little dog settled inside his armour. Jay gave the pup some scritches and he fell back asleep. 

_Not the comfiest fit but he seems happy. It'll keep him safe, not that there's much chance of a fight in these parts._

"C'mon," Ellie began walking, "I'll give you the tour route to the Bureau of Exploration and we can look in on the insurance office."

They hadn't walked far when a loud conversation between a corporate trooper and another awful rich person caught his attention. 

"You must be joking!" the woman ranted. "Our fair city is being overrun by a pox of vagrants and undesirables and your plan is to sit idly by?-" 

She spotted them approaching and pointed right at Jay. 

"-Oh, there! That's one right there! Can't you just see the stench of impropriety radiating off of her?"

_Rude. Boss always smells sweet and addictive and-_

"For the last time, access to Byzantium is impossible without a proper Navkey," the trooper shook his head, annoyed. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to be… somewhere else. Anywhere else."

"Oh, splendid!" she hissed as Jay came to a stop, the trooper leaving. "Another rungleech frolicking through the streets of Byzantium."

"Frolicking?" drawled the Captain. "Guys, do I frolic?" 

"I'd say more of a saunter," he offered with a smirk, "or perhaps a strut."

"Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed of," Ellie grinned menacingly. "Own it."

"If the Board isn't supposed to let undesirable people into the city," Jay mused at the awful woman, "how'd you get here?" 

_Hah!_

"I earned my place here, just like everyone else," she tutted. "My grandfather was the CIO at Tile, you see."

"Okay, but what did _you_ do to earn your place here?" 

"I just told you - my grandfather made millions of bits as CIO, and I earned them from him." 

"Inheriting bits isn't the same as earning them." 

"Of course it is," the woman rolled her eyes. "Wealth is the most visible, objective measure of success, and success isn't given to you, it's earned. My grandfather taught me that. If you have wealth, you're successful, and if you're successful, you must have earned it. Honestly, it's a simple concept."

"Indeed, as simple as the effect of too many parasites living off the labour of the industrious-" 

Felix bit back his laugh with difficulty. 

"-What's wrong with more people coming to Byzantium?" 

"What's wrong? It erodes the very pillars of our society! Merit! Decorum! Personal hygiene! This city is meant for us, the system's finest! We earned its luxuries. But now we are overrun with the unworthy and the ungrateful, and this Early Retirement nonsense is making it even worse."

"Early Retirement?" asked the Captain, her interest piqued. 

"The worst thing to happen to Halcyon - a contest that gives even the lowliest, most inefficient workers a chance to live in Byzantium. By simply winning a lottery, those Early Retirees get an exclusive district of Byzantium to themselves. No one else is even allowed to go there. Tell me, how is that fair?-"

_Hm, I wonder if Par knows anything about this._

"-It's not right!" the woman continued, undeterred. "I deserve to see any district I please! Why, if it weren't guarded… Hmm. You know, you look like you've been shot at before. What say I hire you to investigate this travesty, and pay you to do so?" 

"She ain't wrong, boss," he grinned. "We do got a knack for getting shot at."

"Yes, listen to your… your… What _is_ that person's job exactly? Are they your secretary? Personal masseuse? Or do you just keep them around as a mobile arm rest?" 

Ellie snorted a laugh.

"Personal masseuse," Jay quipped. "Definitely. Why, the _things_ this man can do with his hands." 

Felix desperately tried to cover his laugh and blush with an impromptu coughing fit. 

"Well it doesn't matter," the woman continued. "What's important is that you think this is a fabulous arrangement and you'd be thrilled to lend me, Hortense Ingalsbee, your services. Aren't you?" 

"Sure. Why not." 

"Fantastic. Consider yourself employed, vagrant! The landing pad for the district is completely locked down, it's impossible to get in. Unless, of course, you have a wealthy, beautiful benefactor of impeccable social pedigree. Which you do. How fortunate for you. These codes will get you past the lockdown. Oh, and don't worry about subtlety. I don't care how you deal with security, just correct this injustice at all costs!"

"Well, that was a lot," mused Jay as they continued walking up the street. "Is anyone here not a massive bag of dicks?" 

Ellie cackled. 

"Nope." 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [You can learn a little extra about Felix and Jay in this post on tumblr](https://thalfox.tumblr.com/post/618036680765685760/i-got-distracted-last-night-making-a-ship-meme-for) 💖
> 
> ~~~
> 
> City of Delusion by Muse
> 
> You will not rest  
> Settle for less  
> Until you guzzle and squander what's left
> 
> Do not deny  
> Where you live  
> And led alone
> 
> Destroy this city of delusion  
> Break these walls down  
> Why do we face  
> Justify my reasons   
> with your bloody hand


	26. Butterflies and Hurricanes

"Okay, I've just got to prod this security a little. You guys wait here." 

Jay walked casually up to where a corporate sentinel stood stiffly outside a grand building.

"What is that place?" Felix asked quietly, checking on his canid. 

"Clarke's residence, I think," murmured Ellie. "Presumably. As nobody ever sees him." 

_Ah, the Minister for Earth. Welles reckons he might be connected but it's just a hunch. Still, it's all we got._

He strained his ears to listen in.

"This property is off-limits," barked the sentinel, as the Captain paused in front of him. "Solicitors, loiterers, and uninvited visitors will be fined to the _fullest_ extent of company policy. This ultimatum has been brought to you by Universal Defense Logistics."

"Nice place," Jay nodded. "Who lives here?" 

"If you don't know, I'm not telling."

"Sorry, I guess I had you mistaken for somebody important."

"Hey, they don't just put anyone in charge of guarding Minister Clarke's residence. I- Aw, shoot. Forget I said anything, okay?" 

_Hah, what a spoon._

"No worries." 

She winked as she returned, turning a corner to indicate they follow.

"Well that was easy confirmation," grinned Ellie. "Up ahead is Prosperity Plaza, it's where all the fanciest stores are."

As they came down the steps, Felix was impressed despite himself. Huge buildings rose up on all sides around a busy large square filled with little gardens and a gigantic moving sculpture of the Halcyon system.

"Just imagine busting up all these windows," he sighed wistfully. "Lootin' all these stores."

"This whole place is bizarre," murmured Jay, as they came to a rest in a quiet spot. "The gutters are literally full of supplies, just tossed aside. But half the vending machines we've passed are broken, and most of these doors are boarded up. People are wasting money on shit like golden plumbing, while others are talking about production being down, worker illness increasing… "

"Now you're getting it," Ellie nodded. "On the surface, it's all glitz and glamour. The wealthy want for nothing. But it's all just a little… off. Not quite right. And if anyone questions that, well. They soon get disappeared."

Felix looked around, and realised they were correct. It was easy to be dazzled by the style on display, but many of these buildings weren't being used. He'd passed trashcans with actual bits dumped in them, yet folks were complaining about not being able to get parts their factories required. 

"This city doesn't know where it's pretending to be," Jay shook her head, speaking softly to avoid any eavesdropping troopers on patrol. "Named for a trading capital, which it certainly isn't, claimed to be a city of industry but full of brats of inherited wealth, and completely devoid of art and culture. There's an orrery in the middle of the plaza-" 

She nodded to the moving sculpture of planets. 

"-but nobody appears to have been taught what such a thing is. I heard one person asking why Byzantium wasn't at the centre. The Board's campaign of disinformation is fucking criminal."

_I didn't even know Byzantium was an Earth name. The home planet is pretty much never mentioned. Though if Jay's right about no transmissions from there too… I don't know what that'd mean but it certainly ain't anything good._

As they resumed their path, a grizzled man with an eyepatch hailed them from inside what looked like a weapons store. Normally, this was exactly the kind of place the Captain would do trade, but here… 

"Looking for weapons?" the man bellowed. "You've come to the right place. Every Byzantine needs high-quality armaments, and you won't find better anywhere else." 

Jay blinked at him as she approached. 

"What do people around here need weapons for?" 

"Why, to defend their property, of course!" 

"Fifty bits says he's got a hard-on right now," Ellie whispered, and Felix snorted. 

"Byzantium is the best of what Halcyon has to offer," the man continued, oblivious. "It's up to us to protect it." 

_This guy can't be for real._

"You oughta worry about protecting your eyes," drawled Felix. "What happened? Were you running with scissors?" 

"What? Oh, the eyepatch is just for show. But the weapons are all real and of the highest quality."

_Sure, buddy._

"But…" Jay looked around, puzzled, "what do you need to protect Byzantium _from_?" 

"Marauders. Dissidents. Especially large sprats. One never knows what threat might arise."

"Byzantium seems pretty safe to me."

"Only because we make it so! It is only the fear of the well-armed Byzantine that keeps the rabble at bay."

 _And walls. Troopers. Outfitted with shit that actually works_. 

"C'mon, Cap," Ellie yawned. "Bureau is round the corner." 

~~~

It was a grand looking building, with a grand looking entrance. As they passed into the foyer, Felix saw there was a reception window to the side, and a jolt of horror spiked through him as he saw-

"Welcome!" the receptionist called. "Welcome to the Byzantium Office of- I mean Bureau. Bureau of Exploration. I'm- never mind who…" 

The alleged receptionist tailed off as his eyes widened. 

"Jay?" 

_The bounty hunter from The Yacht Club. The one who had his hands round- Who she might've- But she didn't-_

"Sherman," the Captain nodded, not showing a flicker of concern. "You're the other contractor Sophia mentioned, then."

"Damn. _Fine_ ," the bounty hunter grinned, emphasising the second word, and Felix hated him all the more. "You got me. I ain't a receptionist. Truth be told, I'm glad it's you. Lying to a stranger weighs heavily on my spirit. I was hired to cross off Ms Lockwood. Thought I'd pose as her receptionist. Brilliant, right? Thing is, she ain't shown up in ages, so here we are."

"You don't think she'd recognise that you aren't her normal receptionist?" Jay sounded amused, and Felix fought to keep his growl inside. 

"I'll just tell her I'm the replacement," Sherman shrugged. "If she calls me on it, I'll kill her. If she buys it, I'll kill her. Win-win."

"Well, this is _great_ ," the Captain stretched lazily, and Felix forced himself to remember there was more at stake here. "I was hired to retire her."

"Hah! Hope you don't mind a bit of competition. May the best receptionist win!" 

"You planning on attacking me?" she smirked. 

"Perish the thought!" Sherman winked. "I don't just waltz about murdering who I please. I am a professional. I have got standards."

"But you will kill an innocent receptionist to take his place," said Jay lightly, the unspoken question hanging in the air. 

"Hey. I tried to convince him to take a vacation. He wasn't hearing it. Some peoples' work ethic is just too strong for their own good."

 _Ugh_. 

"So what now?" 

"I'm gonna wait for her to return," the bounty hunter smirked. "Tell you what - you find out where she is, you let me know, yeah? As a professional courtesy."

"No promises. Don't mind me as I poke around."

"What are promises between a pair of hired killers anyway?" 

As they entered the main hall, Felix saw there was another desk, with a very bored person sitting behind it, an elevator, and a locked door. He tuned out a little as the Captain spoke with the desk worker, trying to push his jealousy firmly back down.

He knew he had nothing to worry about. Jay had only cosied up to the handsome bounty hunter when she thought he himself was with somebody else and she had been upset. And she now had the difficult job of trying to stop the Board from killing someone, while making it look like she was pro-Board, and also ensuring that another freelancer didn't kill the target or see through her act. 

_I still wanna dropkick him in the face though._

"Keep watch," Jay murmured near him, and he jumped, startled. "Gonna check that locked door before we go up a level." 

Felix nodded as she slipped through behind him, the many columns in the room helpfully hiding her actions from the desk occupant who was paying them no attention anyway. A small nose popped out of his jacket, and he gave the little pup some scritches.

_We're gonna have to name this guy. And that is not my speciality. Maybe once we're back on the ship-_

"So, hey," Ellie fidgeted a little, "how are you doing?" 

_How am…? Oh._

"I don't know, Ellie. Clyde was the one friend I had since I was a kid. I don't think I'm getting over this any time soon." 

"Better him than you, right?" 

"Yeah. I tried telling myself that already. Didn't work then. Ain't working now. Thanks, though." 

_I mean yeah. He coulda killed me. Worse, he coulda killed Jay, or Ell. And it's better that I know who he really was. Or who he became. But maybe living in ignorance was preferable all the same._

Ellie cleared her throat loudly, and he realised she was signalling to him. She was subtly pointing to the floor by the door and… 

_… yeah. That's the dried remains of a not very well cleaned up bloodstain._

He took a step back and slipped through the door, murmuring it was him so as not to startle Jay. She was facing away from him, her hands on the back counter of the shallow cupboard, and he saw a slight tremble going through her. As he moved towards her he stopped, realising there was an obstruction on the floor-

_Oh, FUCK. Fucking shit!_

There was a dead body… but it was a torso only, missing hacked off head and limbs. Someone had been properly butchered, with blood splattered up the walls, covering every surface. It was complete overkill, horrifically violent. He was reminded sharply of the cannibal family's killing room.

_Jay-_

"I'm here," he said as softly as he could.

He moved over behind her, and as he reached her, she turned and buried her face against his chest.

She trembled harder for a few seconds and he realised on top of being shaken, she was having a full episode, and he soothed her as best he could, murmuring quietly, stroking her hair as she calmed. He heard a purring noise between them, and she gave a small laugh suddenly. 

Felix looked down, seeing the pup was licking her face, making her smile.

"You okay, love?" he asked, and she nodded.

"Yeah. Shit. Just… wasn't expecting that," she exhaled heavily, looking at the remains of the body. "It's the receptionist. Still had his ID." 

"Fuck."

"I can't say anything. Not til the target is safe. But this is some sick shit. This isn't… this isn't…" 

"I know, boss," he directed her attention back to him. "This isn't what we do."

Jay petted the canid, grounding herself a little with a sad smile.

"Well, let's go do what we _do_ do," she murmured. 

~~~

The cartographer's office was, unsurprisingly, littered with maps. Her most recent work was still spread on a drawing board, and as his eyes glanced over it…

"Boss," he called softly, "ain't this…?" 

Jay came over and had a close look. 

"Edgewater. This is where Edgewater should be. I fucking _knew_ it." 

"We're all looking at the same map of nothing, right?" asked Ellie, raising an eyebrow in question.

"This is a map of Emerald Vale for future use," sighed the Captain. "After they've wiped Edgewater out."

"Huh," the doctor looked a little shocked. "Gotta say, that's a new trick."

"You suspected this?" Felix asked Jay, curious. 

"Yeah," she nodded. "Par and I both. When we cleared out the geothermal plant down there, there were some shady logs. The town wasn't making enough profit. The Board sent new mechs to the plant that just so happened to go haywire and kill everyone. I'd bet another shipment of them was due to go to the town…" 

She laughed suddenly, without humour. 

"-Fuck, that old guy there with robophobia was right. Still, Adelaide won't power up any mechs that get sent at least. They must be okay for now. I hope…"

_This is definitely gonna worry Par._

"So, Lockwood drew the new map," Felix mused. "Once Edgewater is wiped, everyone has to act like it never existed. But the map maker knows… I wonder if she objected." 

"Probably," drawled Ellie. "Given what they count as objection. Hell, she coulda just blinked and they'd put her on the kill list." 

"Okay," Jay shut the terminal off that she'd been reading, "got her location. Don't mention her receptionist when we see her, I'll break that news once she's secured… They were dating." 

_Shit_. 

"What do we do about the fake receptionist?" asked Ellie. 

"He'll follow us. Pretend you don't see him. I'll deal with him-" 

"Aw. He's pretty cute though," the doctor smirked. 

"Trust me, Ell," muttered Felix, "you wanna avoid that one." 

~~~

The maintenance tunnels were easy to get to, just an elevator down from a quiet alcove, covered in warning signs.

"So, uh, what do these tunnels maintain?" asked Felix, as he attempted to ignore the grating elevator music.

"No idea," Ellie shrugged. "Water and electricity I'd guess. Maybe some security stuff. Nobody comes down here unless they want to be shot to pieces by the automechs." 

"Right. And, uh, why would there be mechs programmed to kill people down here?" 

"Technically they're for the sewer sprats. But they shoot anything that moves. Could be to keep something hidden. Could be just to stop people taking the mechs apart." 

"Something hidden?" 

"Lots of rumours. Assassins. Cultists that worship mechanical monsters. A purgatory of the damned…" 

"Please stop giving him ideas," Jay quipped. "He'll only be more disappointed." 

"A purgatory of the damned though," he beamed. "That sounds fucking incredible." 

The Captain shook her head fondly as she led them forward, and they watched her hand for signals. Pause here. Wait. Silence.

He watched as she tilted her head, and he couldn't hear anything other than a faint mechanical drone. His canid was fast asleep, and he could just about hear him purring if he concentrated. As Jay waved them forward, he idly wondered how she was able to find people when others couldn't-

"Get away from me!" a woman hissed as Jay turned into a small dead end. "Were you following me? Back off, all right? I've got a slide-rule and I'm not afraid to use it."

"Easy-" began Jay, only to be interrupted by the other bounty hunter, who had of course followed them. 

"Wow, am I ever glad I followed you," he drawled. "Good thing you made no promises. So, can we get to the killing? My palms are starting to itch."

"What? Killing?" Lockwood was shaking like a leaf. "What the fuck is going on here?" 

_She's terrified._

"My friend and I here have jobs to do," shrugged Sherman, as Felix kept his glare to himself. "You just sit tight for a minute while we discuss how we're gonna handle this. So, how we splitting this? Maps and body?" 

"Yeah, about that," Jay took a casual stance, her guns untouched. "I'm thinking of a different resolution." 

"Are you serious? After I made my grand entrance?" 

"Let's hear what she has to say."

"You must be new to the assassination game," the bounty hunter shook his head. "If you talk to your victims, it makes it harder to kill em, see? It's not recommended. Didn't you read the handbook?" 

_Handbook? Of course, corporate murder._

"Please, just listen," the cartographer started begging, and Felix swallowed hard. "You don't need to…" 

"Shush!" barked Sherman. 

"I've been in this game for years," Jay drawled confidently. "Right now, we might as well hear her out."

"Oh, all right," he sighed, fortunately slightly in awe of the Captain. "The anticipation is killing me, though. Hey, get it? Because I want to kill her."

_Har har._

"Wait wait wait," Lockwood babbled. "Whatever the contract is, I'll pay you both the full amount. You let me live and you don't have to split anything."

"That's a lot of bits!" Sherman looked almost swayed. "But, ah… I mean, I've got a reputation to uphold. How would you feel if someone paid you to make bogus maps?" 

_… Did he do any research? Like, at ALL?_

Jay pinched the bridge of her nose briefly, and Felix focused all his attention on her, watching for any further signs she was struggling. 

"Honestly, with the mess you've made getting here," she said firmly, "I'd take the money and run."

"You know, my friend," the bounty hunter tipped his head, "that's a fine point. If I high tail it outta here, I could avoid the inside of a cell for once. All right. Deal."

"Thank the Law," breathed Lockwood, giving bits to him. "Here's your half."

"Right! Well, you two, it has been an absolute pleasure. Can't say I've ever let someone live before. Hope I can sleep tonight…" 

The bounty hunter left them to it, whistling to himself. 

"Nothing about this job feels good," Felix murmured to Jay, "but this comes close."

She gave him a small smile before turning to the cartographer who held out another bit cartridge.

"Keep 'em," Jay shook her head. "I've already seen the maps. You need to get out of the city, immediately. Get to Groundbreaker if you can, tell them Captain Jay sent you."

"I- okay, yes. I can do that. I swear I'll leave Byzantium. I'll leave Terra 2. I'll find a way out of Halcyon if I can. Thank you." 

"Listen," Jay dropped her voice, speaking so softly he could barely hear her. "I'm really sorry, but I found Victor. He didn't make it." 

Lockwood closed her eyes tight, shoving her emotions down. When she opened them again… 

_Shit. That's worse than being terrified._

"Then I'll take my route out," she managed, and slipped away. 

"Time to face the music, Cap," Ellie prompted. 

"Did you say the commercial docks can be accessed via these tunnels?" 

_Oh yeah, need to tap into the terminals there and get launchpad access. Don't wanna be stuck with the Board entry only._

"Yup," the pirate doctor nodded. "But easier to go back the way we came and get another elevator down. Follow me." 

~~~

After securing dock access, they returned across Prosperity Plaza once more, and cut through Billingsly's, a rather pink if uninspiring bar.

"Hold up," said Jay softly, nodding them towards a table. "I'm gonna go have a chat with the incredibly drunk UDL guard over there. You two okay staying here?" 

"Sure, Cap," the doctor ordered a couple of drinks from the passing automech.

"Drinking on the job?" he drawled, as Jay made her way to the other end of the bar. "Why not." 

"It'll help with your jealousy," Ellie smirked, and he huffed a laugh. 

"Yeah, don't think I'll be getting jealous over that guy." 

"Mm, I don't see a UDL grunt winning her over. 'Course, I don't see _anyone_ winning her over." 

"I know, I know. You telling me you've never got jealous, doc?" 

"Pfft, maybe when I was younger," she shrugged, opening the drinks. "I don't need anyone, so why would I be jealous." 

"Sure, sure," he smirked, letting his disbelief show on his face. 

Ellie rolled her eyes but let the subject drop, as he checked on his canid, who still seemed perfectly content.

_Wonder if he's just a pup... young 'uns probably need more sleep._

"Looks like this won't take much longer," she murmured, and Felix nodded, forcing himself not to turn and look. 

_Good_. 

Truth be told, he was uncomfortable that his jealousy had flared up again. He had thought feeling secure with Jay was enough to keep it at bay, but his reaction to seeing the bounty hunter proved otherwise. 

_Ridiculous. I'm being ridiculous. Especially after what I put her through._

He was grateful that Ellie wasn't much of a talker, letting him sit and get a handle on his thoughts. His jealousy never made an appearance with regards to the other crew members, though none oftthem had seemed to really show a romantic interest in the Captain.

Max could have worried him, but he realised pretty quickly that the vicar saw her as a friend, as much as he'd tried to stay aloof in the early days. Jay spent a lot of time with the older man, bouncing her ideas off of him, and Felix was glad for the help in keeping her stress levels down.

Parvati of course was head over heels for Junlei, while Nyoka was very much focused on overcoming her past. Which left…

_If I wasn't here, hadn't joined the crew, I reckon Ellie would have fallen for her. I'm not sure she hasn't still. I doubt many folk have won her over like Jay has._

At least he was sure the pirate cared enough that she wanted to see her Cap happy, and he was pretty sure she saw him as a friend too. There were no hard feelings there. 

Still, he wondered what the trigger for his jealousy actually was, if those genuinely close to Jay didn't worry him. 

A few minutes later and the person occupying his thoughts appeared, gesturing that it was time to leave. 

"Let's go," she grinned, and as they left he spotted the trooper snoring on a nearby bench. 

~~~

They'd planned to stop in at the building of the company that held Ellie's life insurance policy on the way back to Akande, but a note outside revealed the office was closed, and had moved to Fallbrook. Par and Nyoka both had business back on Monarch, and Felix reckoned that would probably be their next port of call.

Jay hadn't spoken much once they reached the HHC building, and he wasn't entirely sure that was deliberate. Her earlier episode had drained her, as had having to deal with the bounty hunter in a manner that didn't break her cover. But not killing Lockwood was going to be very hard to explain as a pro-Board move. 

_Not just not killing her. Not taking her bits. Helping her escape. None of us are naive enough to think we've been outside surveillance in this place._

Felix hated not being able to discuss things due to unseen cameras and bugs potentially everywhere in the city, and it meant Jay was shouldering a lot of the decision work without any of the usual crew input. 

"I've got Lockwood's papers," the Captain announced to Percival at his desk, handing them over.

"Wonderful. I'll file the appropriate paperwork on your behalf. Meanwhile, Adjutant Akande would like a word with you."

The screen flickered into life, and a rather unhappy looking Sophia Akande glared at them.

"You allowed Rachel Lockwood to walk away with her life," she said, an edge to her voice. "Do you realise the inconvenience you've just caused me?"

"Did I add to your growing stack of paperwork?" Jay asked cheekily, leaning on the counter. 

"Yes. You did," gritted Akande. "I've already filed Lockwood's termination papers. Now I have to go wading through an ocean of red tape just to correct your mistake. Leaving her alive complicates matters." 

"But she _is_ retired," Jay smirked, "as you asked." 

"... Indeed," Akande raised an eyebrow. 

_Wait, did she not use the word kill when giving the job? And Jay didn't either... That's genius!_

"And you've brought me Lockwood's papers, as I also asked," the Adjutant continued, "You've demonstrated your talents. If you're ready to talk about Phineas Welles, I'm prepared to listen."

"Yeah, I know where he's hiding," Jay nodded. "How badly do you want to know?" 

"I appreciate that you want to drive a bargain. You understand I'm not paying you for anything less than reliable information. Send us a tracing signal from his communication terminal. Once I verify his location, I'll arrange for your payment."

"You've been chasing Welles for a long time," drawled the Captain. "I expect you'll pay me well." 

"I always reward good work. Deliver Welles to the board, and you'll be more than compensated."

Jay gave a lazy salute, and the connection cut out. 

"See ya soon, Percy," she tossed over her shoulder as she headed for the lift. 

~~~

"We gotta talk about this," Felix said as the elevator hurtled upwards.

"Shoot," the Captain nodded. 

"When you started working for the Adjutant, I wasn't sure what to think. But the way you treated Ms Lockwood was real honourable."

"We're aiming to be heroes, Felix. Heroes always do the honourable thing."

'Heroes always do the honourable thing'," he grinned, genuinely impressed. "There it is. The tag line for our adventure serial. This is all part of your plan, right? You're putting on an act. Pretend you're loyal to the Adjutant. Earn her trust. And then, when she least expects it? You hit her with the old double-cross."

"Real discreet, Felix," sighed Jay, neither confirming or denying as his lines kept her unpredictability intact. "Why don't you tell the whole colony?" 

"Hey, no problem, boss. I can keep it on the quiet. What were we talking about, again? Have we even met before? See? Discreet."

She shook her head with a laugh, leading them home. 

~~~

_< "We have now left the orbit of Terra 2, Captain.">_

"Thanks, Ada. Has the ship been swept?" 

_< "Of course, Captain. Sam disposed of some rudimentary external attempts. The internal probes were extremely outdated.">_

"Good stuff," Jay visibly relaxed. "We're in the clear. And-" 

She flourished a keycard with a grin. 

"-We've got a way into the Clarke residence." 

"Then it's definitely time for drinks," cheered Ellie and Felix nodded his enthusiastic agreement.

_< "I have also scanned the small livestock you have brought on board, and it is regrettably acceptable.">_

Jay reached inside his jacket, and pulled out the canid pup. His fur had got slightly smushed and he was panting a little.

"You need some water, little dude," she murmured, "and some saltuna. The real stuff from Monarch I mean." 

Felix grinned as she happily started gathering bits and pieces for the dog. 

_OUR dog. Pet problem solved. Who knew Byzantium would actually be good for something._

He heard a loud squeal and belatedly realised just how excited Parvati would be to see a ship pet. 

~~~

Felix burrowed into bed with a happy sigh, the faint purring of the tiny canid already a noise he associated with peace. 

Parvati had gleefully run through several names trying to see what the little dog responded to, only to be thwarted when the pup ignored all of them until the Captain referred to him as 'little dude' and he went running to her, wagging his tail. It wasn't a term he was familiar with but it was easy enough to understand.

And so, Little Dude, or Dude for short, was happily curled up under the Captain's desk, in a small nest of towels with a bowl of water nearby, a chew toy Par had made, and a contraption that both Par and Ellie swore would work for a pet toilet.

_Yeah. I'll believe that when I see it…_

Jay undressed and got into bed next to him, stretching herself as she tried to relax.

"Hm, how about I do my duty as your personal masseuse, boss?" he grinned at her, and she huffed a laugh.

"You know how?" 

"Nope!" he winked, and she giggled. "But you know I'm a fast learner."

"Hm. Okay. Hang on a sec though."

She fetched a small bottle from her trunk, spread a towel on the bed, and settled down on her front, moving the pillows out the way.

"Use a tiny bit of this," she held the bottle up til he took it. "If you need more it's easier to add than take away, but a little goes a long way."

He popped the cap, noting the smell was one he already associated with her - sweet but in a way that reminded him more of the trees he'd come across on Terra 2 than his sugary snacks. As he pooled a tiny bit into his hands, figuring it'd need warmed up before touching someone so sensitive to the cold, he could smell something slightly spiced as well.

"Any instructions, boss?" 

"Start gentle," she murmured. "Don't hit my actual spine, but move from near it, outwards. Once you get into it you can start pressing more firmly. Thumbs are good for finding any points of resistance. Can go from the top of my neck to my butt. Oh, and all slow movements. Just feel it out."

"Feelin' is practically my name," he quipped, and she chuckled.

"You should also probably straddle me to do it best, and so you can reach my back evenly."

"Sure, okay. No complaints there," he wiggled himself into position, trying to keep his weight off her but also not- "Uh, sorry about that. Ahem. I'm guessing massage givers usually have more clothes on." 

Jay giggled, and folded her arms under her head, giving a contented sigh.

He ran his hands from her shoulders down her back first, gradually spreading the oil, and he was surprised to see that the little he'd used easily covered her. He kept his hands slow and gentle, and figured he was probably being too soft but he preferred playing it safe to begin with. 

He'd done this kind of thing before, but only on himself any time he'd injured his leg. Felix was hardly clumsy, but nobody became a dropkick champion without finding out all the wrong ways to do a flying kick the hard way. Injuries obtained via other people… those he had ignored, relying only on painkillers. 

As he worked, he began to figure out where the muscles all lay, and he was relieved that the tense spots were pretty easy to find.

Whenever he ran a hand up the back of her neck, or skirted extra close to her ass, she made the softest of happy noises, making him grin. He began pushing more firmly, and when she groaned, he lifted his hands right off her in panic.

"Shit, sorry - are you okay?" 

"I'm fine! That was really _really_ good, Fel'." 

"Oh," he laughed, relieved. "Good to know."

Her moans helped him work out exactly what he was doing right, and as he pressed firmly on one of the tense spots, he felt it disappear as she made truly sinful noises beneath his hands.

_Fuck. This is- is this meant to be so hot? If I get any harder I'm not gonna be able to think straight-_

Felix had started leaning closer over her as he worked, without really realising, and as he got near enough for his breath to fall on her neck, a delicious tremble ran through her. He grinned wickedly as he did it again, making sure he was the cause, and he heard her breath hitch. Gradually, he made his hand movements more sensual, running down her body that little bit further, caressing her neck that little bit more often, trailing his hands down and round her sides, extending his fingers to tease against her breasts.

As he pushed down on her a little harder, he let his breath fall across her ear, and she gave a quiet moan. 

"You look so damn hot," his voice came out gravelly, making her shudder again, "all laid out for me like this, making such beautiful sounds…" 

He moved his knees back, lowering himself more firmly along the length of her body, his rock hard cock pressing insistently against the top of her thighs, and further-

She purred beneath him, and he kissed and licked into the side of her neck, tasting a tiny bit of the oil but mostly the unmistakable and addictive taste of her. He felt her body tense up a little, her breathing get a little heavier, and he remembered suddenly he was meant to be relaxing her, providing her rest.

_Fuck, I really want- But, she needs…_

"I'm meant to be relaxing you, boss," he murmured, stopping his more lascivious movements.

"Nothing relaxes me more than coming on your tongue, or fingers, or hard cock, sweet thing." 

" _Fuck me_ -" 

"Yes, please." 

Felix laughed into her neck as she wiggled her hips back against him, pushing his straining length closer and closer, and it didn't take him much at all to enter her slowly. 

"Jay- _fuck_ , love- fucking _stars_ -!" 

The tightness, heat, and how wet she was for him was making him _see_ stars, and he had to keep her from sinking him further in, terrified of hurting her, that she wouldn't realise til later. Their position was extremely hot, but now that he was inside her, he was reminded that this was the same position as-

_No, no, no…_

"Jay," he murmured, his voice far softer than he meant, barely audible, "turn over for me? Please?" 

She did it immediately, extricating herself and turning beneath him, and leaned up with a kiss he sank into gratefully. She kissed him long and slow, stroking his back and running her fingers through his hair, giving him all the reassuring contact he couldn't get when she was-

Felix broke the kiss, and fluttered his lips across her face, covering her in soft kisses, making her giggle. Her laugh lightened his heart, it was his favourite sound, and she pulled him into a cuddle, stroking the back of his head and telling him how much she loved him.

_She's perfect. Too good for me. I led her on and now…_

"M'sorry," he murmured, hiding his face against her neck. 

"You've nothing to be sorry for sweetheart. That was an amazing massage. It really helped." 

"Yeah, but then-" 

"Then you did exactly what I asked you for, which was to let me know if anything ever made you uncomfortable, even if you're not able to explain it. And that's such a difficult thing to do, my love, and you did it. Thank you. That means everything to me." 

He huffed a laugh against her, relieved and baffled. 

"I don't get it. It's like I can do no wrong in your eyes."

"I'm sure you could," he could hear the smile in her voice, "but not by being yourself, Fel'."

He relaxed against her, moving his weight to the side slightly so she wasn't crushed.

"Thank you, Jay," he pressed a kiss to her neck, and snuggled into her. "It's just, sometimes if you're in a position similar to one I've been in before, that caused me pain or hurt… It's not even like I picture it happening to me again, it's more like… disgust at myself for enjoying being in- in the other role." 

Jay was quiet for a moment, still stroking his hair, and squeezed him a little tighter.

"I can understand that," she spoke softly. "You're never in that role, Felix, you're never doing what those people did. But you've got a lot of negative associations with things, and that's understandable, sweetheart. I'm just as happy cuddling and kissing as anything else." 

"Those two things have no bad memories attached at all… I dunno if that's why I like them so much. I never really liked being touched before, or it's not something I thought about. When you touch me though - and I mean like, even just putting your hand on my arm or something… it reminds me where I am, and who I'm with, and those are both excellent things."

"I'm really glad." 

"Yeah? Even if I lead you on then have to stop…?" 

"Felix," she huffed a laugh, "what would you say if it had been me that needed to stop, and I framed it as me having led you on?"

"Um, that you were being silly… Okay, yeah. Good point." 

Jay kissed the top of his head, and he sighed happily. 

"Would it have been different if I'd ordered you to do it?" she asked softly, and he nodded. 

"Yeah, probably. That sort of bypasses the idea you're in the role I used to be in, 'cause I was never in charge. And if you're not in that role…" 

"Then you're not in the other one."

"Exactly."

"Well, I'll try and be more bossy," she drawled, and quickly forestalled any apology he could make, with sarcasm. "Woe is me, to have a boyfriend who will obey my every command." 

He laughed against her, stroking her skin tenderly. 

"You did good today, by the way," she murmured. "I reckon Akande bought it. That I'm unpredictable with a legit crew, rather than a straight up dissident or anti-anyone type who's just pretending to change sides."

"She really didn't explicitly say to kill Lockwood?" 

"Nope!" she laughed. "She said to retire her, and get rid of her. Convenient for me, as I'm obviously not gonna kill for them."

"I know," Felix smiled against her. "I'm glad we got to Lockwood first." 

"I just wish we'd got to her receptionist first too."

"Why did he- I mean, not that there's _anything_ that'd excuse it, but what was his fucking logic behind hacking the guy to bits?" 

"If Byzantium was any good at solving crime, the main way to identify a dead body is by dental record or fingerprints. Not uncommon back on Earth to find heads and hands missing in murder cases. So if I had to guess, I'm betting it's a corruption of why that is a thing." 

"Except he left the fucking ID on the body." 

"Yeah," Jay sighed heavily. "And according to Ellie, Byzantium doesn't _solve_ crime, it just executes people until it goes away. Either way, he's no longer a bounty hunter. The receptionist was just a civilian, as is the map-maker. He's a murderer."

"Then getting him to walk from Lockwood is all the more impressive," he murmured, and she squeezed him gratefully. "I'm guessing the tracking signal Akande wants you to plant - Welles will be able to fake it or corrupt it somehow?" 

"I'd think so. Depending on how well he can do it, I'll go back to her. Hopefully that's enough to get access to some info on what's what… The floor her office is on, it's the same floor as the Chairman. He's definitely not there though, the security was far too light. The whole building felt pretty empty."

"Not a big surprise, boss. Suits don't have to turn up to work like the rest of us mugs." 

"Good point…" she broke off with a yawn. "Anyway, Monarch next which should also throw off any UDL tail, then straight to Phin, do a job for SubLight, and back to the city. Gotta talk with that Earth minister person. Whatshisface."

"Clarke. I'm pretty sure Minister ain't his real name." 

Felix grinned as she snorted a laugh. 

"See? What would I do without you?" 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [You can learn a little extra about Felix and Jay in this post on tumblr](https://thalfox.tumblr.com/post/618036680765685760/i-got-distracted-last-night-making-a-ship-meme-for) 💖
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Butterflies and Hurricanes by Muse
> 
> Change everything you are  
> And everything you were  
> Your number has been called  
> Fights and battles have begun  
> Revenge will surely come  
> Your hard times are ahead
> 
> Best, you've got to be the best  
> You've got to change the world  
> And use this chance to be heard  
> Your time is now


	27. Not Today

"Hey, Felix - can I talk to you?" 

"Sure!" he switched off the aetherset as Nyoka sat down next to him, looking drained. "You doing okay?" 

"Not really," she shrugged, sinking back into the seat. "I'm hoping putting my friends' memories to rest will help maybe? I know it's not that simple, but I figure it's a start. And if nothing else, killing some mants'll make me feel better." 

"You said your old camp was in a cave system, right?" 

"Yeah. It's not ideal hunting circumstances. But given what we've put down already, I think it shouldn't be too hard. And I was wondering… if maybe you'd come with me and Cap?" 

"Of course," he said firmly, knowing this was going to be tough for her to face. "Though, uh, why me?"

"Well, I'm still not sure about Max. He reminded me of Anders at first, but ever since his bender he's been a bit all over the place. And Ellie is a little too unfeeling and Par, bless her, is a little _too_ feeling, y'know?" 

"I get you. You need someone who doesn't overreact or put their foot in their mouth. Although, I'm kinda the latter." 

"Usually intentionally though," she smirked knowingly. "You don't joke when shit gets real. And it's just… I haven't been back there since it all happened. After Hayes died, I…"

She sighed heavily. 

"I just stopped." 

"Were he and you… close?" 

"Kinda. It was never a set thing. I thought- thought I had time. And then he was gone, and everything just… broke. I didn't really have a good reason for living. But now, maybe, I'm starting to again. I gotta try and put the past behind me. Stop punishing myself."

"None of it was your fault, Nyoka," Felix pointed out gently.

"Yeah, maybe. But me constantly thinking about it, feeling miserable and asking 'what if'? No other name for that than punishment."

He nodded. 

"Did you…" she paused, thinking. "Did you bury Clyde? On Scylla I mean." 

"Yeah. Jay did it after Ell got me stable, when I was still out cold. She got one of the mechs to dig. She couldn't bury everyone but she put him and his dog to rest. Asked me when I woke up properly if I wanted to see but… I didn't. I'm glad he's buried, it's one less thing to poke through my thoughts. But I don't wanna see his grave. 

"It's difficult to reconcile the man I met on Scylla with the guy I saw as family years ago. Even harder when it's also the same guy that pointed a machine gun at Jay, and tried to stab me to death."

Nyoka sat for a moment, lost in thought.

"Maybe the person you knew did die back when he left," she offered. "Or at least, the person you thought of him as did. You went through grief already, and I'd guess him just disappearing meant it took a long time to get over." 

_Like her two friends. We're talking about me, but it's about her too._

"It did, yeah. I was pretty messed up for a long time. And now it's like I have to do it all again." 

"Yeah, I understand. Grief on top of grief… it's hard to bear. Are you scared you'll push people away like you did first time around?" 

"I didn't really have anyone to push away then. Though yeah, I isolated myself more. And the few people I tried to rely on all stabbed me in the back. Now I've got good people around me, and what I did to you all, what I did to Jay-" 

Felix swallowed hard.

"She's not angry, and I understand that. But I fucking _hate_ myself. I hate me, I hate him, and I don't know how to get rid of that feeling."

"Well, I don't suggest alcohol," she drawled, and he huffed a laugh. "Seriously though, it just gives you another huge problem without solving anything. I think time helps. I think facing your monsters, whatever they are, that can help. But I think… I think maybe it comes down to forgiving yourself. I don't reckon I'm there yet. Maybe putting their memories to rest will help. 

"But having good people around me? That helps too. Because it means I can't be as bad as I want to think I am. And you've got something even more special, something you need to hold on to. It can so easily be snatched away in an instant."

"Yeah. You're very wise y'know." 

Nyoka laughed, and Dude stirred in his lap. She scritched his head absentmindedly.

"Never woulda thought these things could be cute. This system is still full of surprises." 

~~~

_< "We have now arrived at Cascadia, Captain.">_

"Thanks, Ada." 

Parvati and the Captain hadn't taken long in Stellar Bay, delayed only slightly by checking in with both Sanjar and Zora who were apparently coping well with their new alliance. 

Nyoka's cave system was supposedly just up the hill from the ruins of Cascadia, a few minutes walk. It was a pleasant surprise that they wouldn't have to be trekking through miles of Monarch wilderness again. 

"Urk," Jay pulled a face as she held a bag at arms length. "These glands are gross, Nyoka. Take them. Please."

"They're outstanding, Cap!" the hunter grinned, putting on her armour. "Right. Place is easy to spot once we're up close as it's all behind a locked door. We'll have to shoot our way through the queen's brood once we're in to get to the center. We'll set the bait there. Password to the door is 'CHARON'."

Felix hefted his grenade launcher, checking he had plentiful ammo. On Monarch, there was no such thing as being _too_ heavily armed. 

"Charon?" asked Jay, curiously. 

"Hayes's ideas. Clara, Hayes, Anders, Rebekah, Opal, Nyoka. Charon. He said it was some old myth, something about death and all the things we killed. Rest of us just thought it sounded cool, so here we are."

"Mythological figure," the Captain nodded. "Charon worked the ferry that carried newly dead souls to the world of the dead."

"Ferry?" 

"Uh, boat. On water." 

"That _is_ cool," grinned Felix, to Nyoka's agreement. 

"And now we're going to take that mantiqueen to the world of the dead."

"Fucking right we are!" the hunter beamed.

~~~

"Whew. Here we go. I haven't set foot in here since… well. I'm ready. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Here we go."

Nyoka was babbling slightly, clearly overwhelmed by being back in a place with so many memories for her. Jay was letting her talk as much as she needed, scoping ahead in infrared, looking for the thermal patterns that indicated life.

"Got some mantisaurs up ahead," the Captain brought them to a halt, "eating something. Four or five maybe. Felix, you're up."

He nodded as he moved into position, flicking open his own scope and lining up the shot. He reckoned he could get two or three with a good hit, and the rest should run straight into Nyoka's machine gun if he timed everything right.

Felix slowed down his breathing, and began firing. A few moments later they were standing at the central point of the cave system, bug-free.

_Rest must be down that other passage._

"Well. This is the spot," Nyoka sighed quietly. "You know, I thought I'd be angry. I thought I'd storm in here in a rage and exterminate all these bugs and everything would be all right in the end. But… I ain't. I'm mostly just… empty. A little sad, maybe. The first night Hayes and I spent in here, we knew it was home. It's safe. It's got a nice chill to it. But mostly… it doesn't stink of sulfur."

As Felix looked around he spotted two bodies lying further away, along with bedrolls, containers and supplies. When he turned back, he saw she was struggling.

"You were a family," Jay placed her hand on the hunter's arm. "I'm sorry they're gone, Nyoka."

"Me too, Captain. But… I'm starting to think that maybe I've found another. Now, let's get to shooting before I get all sentimental."

She laid down the bait, and within moments there was an ear-splitting screech. They followed the hunter down the remaining passage, turning a blind corner only to find a mega mantiqueen, two other mantiqueens, several mantipillars and some mantisaurs for good measure. 

Felix kept up a heavy bombardment as Nyoka roared, and he saw that the 'pillars disappeared real quick, removing the worst projectile threat, with Jay flickering in the dark as she worked overtime firing precise shots that next took out the larger creatures legs and slowed them down. 

It was not an easy fight, but once done, they were injury-free. All of them looked as exhausted as he felt, and he was sure he'd seen Jay wobble slightly. 

"I wish these were more auspicious circumstances," Nyoka ran her hands down her face, "but… at least we're all here. This… bringing 'em together, burying 'em, this is the kind of thing Hayes would've done. Cap… thank you."

Jay nodded, and her lack of words had him moving closer to her, just in case. 

"You mind if we rest a spell before we head out?" the hunter asked. "I'd… I'd like to bury Opal and Clara proper before I lay everyone's medallions to rest."

"Of course," her voice sounded a little hoarse, but as far as Felix could tell, she was tremble-free. "Although… I think you should hold on to the medallions."

"What? Why? Them's painful memories, Cap."

"They'll help remind you of both the good and the bad, not just the bad."

"Huh," Nyoka raised her eyebrows, then nodded. "That's… that ain't a bad point. All right, Cap. Thanks."

Felix slipped his arm around Jay as they made their way back to the main chamber, making it look casual but noting that she wasn't completely steady.

"You rest, I'll dig," he instructed. "No arguments." 

"Yes, sir," she quipped, and he was thankful the lack of lighting hid his blush.

Nyoka seemed determined to do it all herself, but didn't begrudge his help when given. Eventually, they had a row of graves and markers, and as soon as it was done, she went over to where Jay was sitting, and sat down beside her, talking quietly.

It was hard for his thoughts not to wander to his own old friend who had been buried only the week before. Like Nyoka, his friend had been dead for years. Unlike her, his friend had turned out to still be alive, albeit as a very different person. He still felt troubled by not knowing whether Clyde had always been the man he met on Scylla, or if he had genuinely changed.

_Was he never genuine with everything he told me? Or did he lose sight of it all once he had bits coming in, and men following his orders? I wish it didn't matter to me. It doesn't change my memories. It doesn't erase the good he did me. It doesn't change anything._

The names of Rebekah and Anders caught his eye. The friends that Nyoka had labeled traitors when she found out they'd tried to make their own escape. But she'd brought their amulets here all the same and marked their names here with the others. Put everyone to rest with their memories. 

Jay came over to him and he realised he'd been spacing out, staring into nothing.

"Nyoka's ready to leave," she said softly. "You okay, Fel'?" 

"Yeah," he hesitated a little. "I think taking the medallions is a good idea. What you said, about remembering the good as well as the bad… that's important I think." 

She took his hand in hers, squeezing a little, and they put the cave behind them.

~~~

"Look, look," Par excitedly called out to him as he entered the kitchen. "Sit!" 

Dude sat down on the table in front of her, wagging his tail. 

"Ain't he so clever?!" she beamed, giving the pup a tiny bit of saltuna.

"He'll be helping you fix the ship up next," Felix quipped, smiling at her.

The ship had made the short jump to Fallbrook, and Jay and Ellie had left to visit the insurance office. Max had also taken the opportunity to go visit someone- 

_Wonder if that's a romance or friends with benefits situation going on there…_

-And Nyoka had retreated to her room, needing some time to herself.

Felix whiled away the time watching Parvati work on her dog training skills, and he joined in happily enough when prodded. He hoped the hunter would be able to start healing now she'd done what she felt needed to be done. His own head was a mess of memories, good and bad.

_< "If you stop in the engine room, would you ask Parvati to send SAM down to the bridge?">_

"Whoops, Sam must be waiting on me! I'll go send him down!" 

Par clattered down the ladder, and Felix picked up his canid with a chuckle. 

_Must mean Jay's home._

He met her on the stairs and followed her into her cabin as Ell walked past, singing off-key about how rich she now was.

"Successful then, I take it?" he smirked.

"Yup! Just had to sneak into the records and update 'em."

She crashed down on the bed, and he sat beside her, concerned.

"You okay, boss? The fight in the caves was pretty hard on you." 

"I'm alright, Fel'," she stroked his arm. "Just tired. Overdid it a bit probably. Seeing three mantiqueens - including one giant one - charging at you in a confined space is definitely not in my top favourite sights."

"I'm fine, love," he leaned over and kissed her forehead, and she smiled at him. 

"Well, I'd rather be really tired and know that for sure," she yawned, "than less tired and not so sure."

Dude leapt off his lap and Jay rolled on her side, letting the pup curl up beside her.

"I think you've got a new sleeping buddy," grinned Felix.

"Mm, he is very cute, but not as cute as my other one," she murmured, her eyes closing.

_And neither as cute as mine._

He stayed a while longer, making sure she was peacefully asleep.

~~~

"You alright there?" 

Felix blinked in confusion, only to realise Ellie had sat down in the kitchen next to him while he'd been lost in thought.

"Yeah, I'm good." 

"C'mon, spill," she poked him. "Harlow still on your mind?" 

He sighed heavily. 

"It keeps spinning round my head," he frowned. "Clyde wasn't always friendly. He wasn't ever polite. But he was always on the level. You always knew where he stood. Now I don't know what to think. I don't know if he was ever straight with me. Did he ever believe in fighting the Board, or was he just feeding me a story? Did he change, or was I blind?"

"Don't take it personally - most people aren't even honest with themselves. Gets easier when you remember that."

"I know it doesn't matter, not really," he exhaled heavily. "It don't change anything. Clyde's gone, and it's time I moved on."

"Well, not for nothing," Elle hesitated a little, "but don't be hard on yourself if it ain't that easy. Grief gets easier with time, but now and then it'll still trip you up. Doesn't mean you're weak." 

"Just means you're human?" 

She snorted. 

"Something like that." 

"Thanks, Ell." 

"Don't mention it," she stood up. "Seriously, tell no one." 

~~~

Felix was the only one accompanying the Captain to visit Welles this time around, as Parvati had been cheerfully distracted with the ship dog.

He was determined to have his own chat with the scientist during this visit, and be as fully informed about their tasks as possible. It was the only way to make sure he could support Jay to the best of his ability, and he hoped it would prevent him from freaking out again. 

"You!" cried Phineas happily as he saw Jay enter. "I'd clap you on the shoulder if I weren't behind a wall of bulletproof glass-"

_Which I'm still not terribly impressed by…_

"-I don't know how you did it, but winning Hiram Blythe over continues to pay dividends. He's confirmed that Minister Clarke has ordered a _truly_ suspicious amount of dimethyl sulfoxide. It's almost as if he's hoarding the colony's remaining supply. Typical elitist. Hoarding supplies during a time of scarcity. Once I have those chemicals, we can revive all the Hope's colonists, and put some decent people in charge. So, good news! While you're in Byzantium you can start stealing those chemicals. Exciting!"

"Is there any other reason anyone would need a large amount of this particular chemical?" asked Jay, looking thoughtful. "Or is it a reasonable assumption that the Board is looking into trying to defrost people as well?" 

"An excellent observation," the scientist nodded. "Certainly it's something they've investigated in the past, without much success of course. So I highly doubt their stockpiling has anything to do with the Hope, but it is likely _something_ to do with hibernation."

"So," Felix spoke up, "we're gonna steal highly prized chemicals from the heart of Byzantium… you make it sound like that's an easy task." 

"Oh, I understand it must seem impossible to you," Welles replied affably, "Infiltrate Byzantium, the crown jewel of the colony. Steal a batch of rare chemicals from a heavily guarded estate. In order to do the impossible, you must first divide it into a series of smaller, less impossible tasks."

"What's so important about these chemicals?" he asked. 

"If I had time and several blackboards, I could explain the details to you. But to put it briefly: dimethyl sulfoxide is the reason Jay is alive today. The chemical is absolutely essential to reviving the Hope's colonists. I need you to steal as much as you possibly can. The more, the better. If you don't bring me enough, I might not be able to save the Hope's colonists, and then nothing will stop the Board from destroying this colony."

_Huh, he seems a lot happier to be speaking with me this time around._

"What can you tell me about Minister Clarke?" asked Jay. 

"Aloysius Clarke. Minister of Earth," Phineus nodded. "Virtually every colony requires the presence of a Minister of Earth. Clarke is complicit in every one of the Board's crimes. Whenever the Board issues some new decree, you'll find Clarke's signature on the dotted line."

"So what's the plan?"

"Ah, yes. The details! I'm not about to ask you to rampage through Byzantium, trading bullets with the Board's agents. We'll have to resort to subterfuge. Carmen Imagawa. She's my contact in Byzantium. Meet her at the docks - she'll have all the necessary intelligence you require. Did you gain access to the commercial dock?"

"Yeah, that wasn't a problem," the Captain smirked. "Anything I should know about this Imagawa?" 

"You can trust her, if that's what you're asking. Imagawa is the finest special agent in Byzantium that money can buy. My money, anyway."

"Okay, I'll check in with her." 

"Excellent! Now, how goes it with the Adjutant?" 

"She asked me to plant a tracking signal in your lab."

"You absolutely should!" Phineus' enthusiasm sent another jolt of guilt through Felix for ever thinking otherwise. 

"What's your plan?" asked Jay, unsurprised. 

"The Adjutant must have sent you some kind of tracking code. If you don't use the code, she'll suspect you've betrayed her. If you use my communications terminal there, there's an option to use the code and send a corrupted tracking signal. That should buy me some time."

"Time to prepare."

"Indeed!" he nodded. "The Board's going to catch up to me sooner or later. This way, I'll have time to set up some particularly nasty defenses. While the Board busies themselves trying to decipher it, I'll have plenty of time to prepare my defenses."

Jay walked over to the terminal, as Welles continued speaking. 

"This should be enough for the Adjutant to trust you. Keep playing along as far as you can, it's imperative we understand what exactly they are currently trying to accomplish. If it's connected to the Roseway research, it could be very grave indeed."

"Why are you so obsessed with reviving the Hope's colonists?" asked Felix, curious. 

"Because we've lost our way," the scientist sighed sadly. "The Board has a stranglehold over this colony, and we've all been conditioned into total obedience. The Hope is full of specialists. Scientists, engineers, talented individuals like your Captain. People who haven't been corrupted by the Board. Unfortunately, the Hope's colonists have been frozen for decades. Well past their shelf-life, so to speak. No offense."

"Yeah, but you revived Jay. So you must have solved the problem."

"Aha! You begin to perceive the truth! Yes, according to the Board and their narrow-minded scientists, Jay should be a pile of organic sludge right now-" 

_Great, thanks for that reminder._

"-Ten years. That's how long the average human can remain in hibernation. She was frozen for decades. In theory, she should never have survived the revival process-"

_And again._

"-But the conventional theories are wrong. She's living proof it can be done. There's yet hope for the Hope! Get it?"

"I'm glad to hear that. Everyone on the Hope is depending on us."

"We'll do our very best to save them all. We just need those chemicals to make it happen. I'd best get back to work. I can feel my last dose of caffenoid fading."

~~~

As they boarded the Unreliable, Felix could faintly make out Ada speaking in the Nav room. He popped his head round the door, seeing that Sam was busy cleaning the consoles. 

_< "So then I told him - oh, hahahah - that tickles. How odd. No, don't desist. I think I might like it. Further data collection is required for accurate assessment.">_

_Yeaaaaah, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that._

"Ada, set a course for Heliospheric Research Station Ten Eighty-Four, please," called Jay, heading up the stairs. 

_< "Certainly, Captain.">_

"Is that the SubLight job?" asked Felix, following her into their cabin.

"Mmhm," Jay kicked off her boots. "Claiming an abandoned station. Should be easier than the Rizzo lab. I hope." 

He sat down, thinking for a moment.

"Y'know when Welles was talking about how the Hope is full of specialists?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "All the non-corporate folks." 

"He referred to them as people who haven't been corrupted by the Board. But I'm wondering… what's to stop them from _becoming_ corrupted by the Board? Or even if they aren't, and this all works, what if they end up forming a new Board that ends up being just the same?"

"I think the former is less likely than I previously thought," she mused. "The Board has lost a lot of power, its propaganda is now pretty toothless. So I don't think it has its previous powers of persuasion to use on tens of thousands of people who grew up on Earth and can see through the bullshit."

She sat down next to him, looking thoughtful. 

"As to the latter, there's absolutely no guarantee that won't happen. If anything, it's the most likely outcome. If Halcyon defies the odds and doesn't end up a capitalist hellhole, I'll be pleasantly surprised. But… I think a fair percentage of the Hope passengers are anti everything the Board stands for. This system was supposed to be the exception. All we can do is try our best to help."

"I can get behind that," he smiled. "And it's good to know nobody is walking into this without knowing those odds I think. The one thing Clyde was right about was that the Board has lost its range."

Jay stood and went to get something out of her desk. She returned with her fist closed. 

"Speaking of," she said softly, sitting back down, "I wasn't sure when to give you this."

She opened her hand, and he saw a small metal disk in her palm, with the letters C and H embossed upon it.

"Clyde's emblem," he murmured, picking it up.

"It's the one he gave us when he sent us after Trask. I never actually used it. But after… what happened, he didn't seem to have any real personal effects. So I kept a hold of it, in case maybe…" 

She trailed off. 

"Years ago, when I thought he was dead," Felix said quietly, "I realised I didn't have anything of his to remember him by. That's not unusual, when bits are tight everything gets sold, y'know? But it was almost like- like he'd never existed. This-" 

He closed his hand over the token.

"-this isn't the kind of thing he'd ever have had. But maybe he would have, if it had been possible. He was always full of himself. A token with his initials on… it's very Clyde."

_Like Nyoka's amulets. To remember the good as well as the bad._

He kissed her on the cheek. 

"Thank you. If you'd given me this straight after, I probably would have got rid of it. I'm glad you kept a hold of it for me." 

Jay smiled at him, and he lay back on the bed, letting her curl up happily on his chest.

"When I was a kid," he said softly, "I always wondered what it would be like to have parents. Not surprising really as one thing the Groundbreaker had, being free and all, was families being able to stick together. Kids with no family at all were the rare ones. I knew of another orphan but she had a grandmother looking after her."

"And then you got Clyde?" 

"Yeah. And he did help raise me. But I'd still say he was more of a big brother. I didn't think of him like a parent. Though… I don't know what thinking of someone like a parent feels like. Par and her dad seemed real close. But the others - Ellie, Nyoka, Max - seems like their families, chosen or otherwise, brought them a lot of pain."

"I think that's often the trade off," she mused. "If you're lucky, you get family you like. But it's out of your control either way. Plenty of folk end up with shitty relations or being hurt by those they've chosen as family."

She was quiet for a moment.

"I know what you mean though," her voice was quiet. "I used to wonder too. It's difficult trying to relate to people who grew up with a permanent someone who was a protector and a teacher and that kind of thing. I had those, but they were all different people. And not dependable." 

"I remember you saying you had a chosen family," he murmured, "rather than a born one."

"Yeah. It wasn't unusual, the way Earth was going. Helped shape my view of the world for sure. I had a found family of sorts later on, folks who really had my back. But none of us were fully legal citizens with law abiding jobs. Short lifespans."

"Sounds like you picked good people though?"

"Not always," she gave a small sigh. "I didn't… I really didn't let anybody get that close. Can't be betrayed if you never expect better."

"That sounds like a lonely way to live," Felix squeezed her, and she nodded against his chest. "What made it different for you here?" 

"It took me a while to get my head around my situation. But once I did, and I accepted I'd been frozen for so long, and could easily have ended up never waking up? It felt like I'd been given a second chance of sorts. To really appreciate being alive."

"Par was talking about how you two ended up together," he said slowly, a little unsure. "And she said something about how she realised her world was too small, and maybe you realised yours had been too big?" 

"Hah," Jay snorted a laugh. "Damn. She is smart. That's a good way of putting it. It had been a long time since I'd had to rely on anyone but myself. Just getting on the Hope was giving up all my own control. But I soon realised in the Vale that I… wasn't as strong as I needed to be. I was woefully out of date when it came to information, and vulnerable to post-hibernation seizures."

"You still find it hard," he didn't need to frame it as a question. 

"Yeah. I don't know how to reconcile the fact I can't do stuff on my own, with my need not to put others in danger. I had to let people in, and now I'm terrified for their safety. I gained strength and became weaker all in one." 

"It's not weak to care about people, boss," he murmured.

"With a mission like this, my previous position would have been that I'd never put saving myself above saving the system. But now… if I ever have to choose between saving Halcyon, and saving my crew? I can't make the more ethically 'good' choice, Fel'."

He stroked her hair gently.

"Honestly, Jay, I'm not sure your first situation _would_ be the good choice. If you can't save Halcyon today, who's to say you won't still be the best person to save it tomorrow?" 

"Maybe." 

"And now as well as caring about those who've got close to you, perhaps you have more reason to care about yourself and what you want and deserve in your own life, too?"

"I…" she went quiet for a moment, before huffing a small laugh. "You're pretty smart, y'know." 

"That's me," Felix hummed happily. "Pretty _and_ smart." 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Looking Through You by The Beatles
> 
> You're thinking of me the same old way  
> You were above me, but not today  
> The only difference is you're down there  
> I'm looking through you and you're nowhere
> 
> Why, tell me why, did you not treat me right?  
> Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight
> 
> I'm looking through you, where did you go  
> I thought I knew you, what did I know  
> You don't look different, but you have changed  
> I'm looking through you, you're not the same


	28. Hot Lover

_< "We've reached HRS-1084, Captain. It's emitting a very weak docking signal. I almost mislabelled it as normal aetheric static.">_

"Thanks, Ada. Let's go, folks."

The abandoned station was freezing, dark, and more than a little creepy.

"We oughta get the power up and runnin'," murmured Felix. "I'm shivering in my boots, here."

The cold didn't much bother him, but he was sensitive to the fact that low temperatures played a big role in Jay's worst fears. 

There were a few mechanicals scattered around, half of them broken and the other half powered down. The place looked like it had been abandoned in a hurry. 

"Manifest here for a whole lot of concussive mines," called the Captain as they poked at stubbornly sealed doors. "Watch your step."

"Got a dead scientist up top, Jay," Parvati announced as she slid back to ground level. "Perched up there with a rifle and a busted terminal. Something ain't right about all this."

"Door open," Felix grimaced, seeing immediately what lay beyond the room.

A large window behind a lone unpowered terminal had a top down view of the laboratory below. And in it, he could clearly see yet another scientist-in-a-tube situation.

"Same shit as Cascadia," Jay shook her head. "The fuck is Lilya sending me after…?" 

"Buncha security mechs in the next room," Par diverted their attention to the other window. "Let's give these fellas a wide berth."

"That is a _lot_ of mechanicals," mused Felix. "If we power up the station, you think they're gonna power up too?" 

"I'd lay bets on it! Okay, power generator must be on the other side of the main bay and down."

The engineer led them straight to the power terminal, and after dealing with the mines, the Captain got to work.

"Looks like there was an alta-vitae leak at one point… admin override to 'noncritical'. Hmm. Reckon they took the gas with them when they left though. Station is clear now. Aaand here comes the power-"

Jay blinked in surprise as Ada suddenly appeared on the monitor. 

_< "Oh, I see you have activated your Holographic Shroud, Captain. Excellent. Becoming indistinguishable from an authentic UDL trooper will prove advantageous to your current situation.">_

"We got a tail?" 

_< "A UDL vessel has been tracking our position and just recently docked with the station. They are hacking into the station's transmission lines now. I cannot stop-">_

Ada disappeared, replaced by the helmeted face of a corporate commander. 

_Shit_. 

"I have been waiting for this day since we tagged your ship in Cascadia, Captain," barked the helmet, before stuttering. "I… Wait, who are you? No one told me we had security forces deployed on this station already."

_All praise the holographic shroud!_

"My team has already handled the issue, soldier," Jay snapped authoritatively. "Your squad can depart."

"Roger that," the commander paused slightly. "Just as a precaution, I'm sure you won't mind if we turn on the station security systems? Can't be too careful. We'd hate to leave this location undefended after a close call with outlaws."

"I already reactivated the automechs," said Jay haughtily. "Your readout must be on delay."

"Hmph, that should have been fixed by now. As you say. We'll just head out, then. Safe travels, soldier."

The monitor blinked back to Ada. 

_< "The UDL gunship is undocking from the station. They appear to be departing into space.">_

"Nice going, boss," Felix grinned. "You got a real fine way with words."

"My dad used to say words have power," smiled Par. "You prove him true."

~~~

Jay similarly sidestepped an all out automech fight, by hacking the newly powered up security terminal and forcing the rest to stand down.

"Looks like the security squad and the scientists were getting paranoid about each other," she murmured, flicking through the logs. "Security chief saw the scientists testing on each other, took precautions-" 

"That'd be the mine bonanza," grumbled Felix. 

"-morale was low, and oof. A message draft about how the chief is missing her kid's birthday again because of a job for a not very nice man."

"Sounds like everyone was on edge," sighed Parvati. "Pretty familiar." 

"Let's go see the lab." 

Jay's voice was a little flat, and Felix watched her closely as her breath fogged in the cold air.

_Being in the cold is never much fun for her…_

"Whoah, careful where you step," he cautioned, as they disarmed yet more traps. 

"These scientists give me the creepies," shuddered Parvati as they moved into the laboratory.

Felix looked closely at one of the tanks holding bodies.

"Boss, I think they're still alive in there," he sighed. "Fuck sake. That leaves only two scientists still standing when they left here?" 

_No doubt in tanks by now too._

"Okay," Jay hacked into the final terminal, located in the office attached to the lab. "This is Dr Eva Chartrand's personal terminal-"

"Chartrand," repeated Felix. "We've seen that name before somewhere. Cascadia, right?" 

"-Right, in Rizzo's. It's been… 1217 days since her last log in. She heads an executive research focus group. Purpose is biological hybridization and assimilation strategies-" 

"Uh, what and what now?" Par blinked in confusion. 

"-First part must be to do with splicing rapt DNA into people. Latter I'd guess is their reason why… so we assimilate to the Halcyon environment better maybe? Sounds like hocus pocus though-"

_Hocus pocus?_

"-Only two active team members left, like you said Fel'. Let me scroll… Yep, here we go. Goal is to further the chimeric sciences via the targeted modification of human nuclein using strands obtained from Halcyon native fauna, ie raptidons. But chimeric modification can't be done beyond the zygote stage, what the fuck were they thinking?"

Parvati looked at him and Felix shrugged. 

_Heck if I know!_

"Got logs on three scientists," continued Jay, "and yeah, full-blown systemic infiltration, no shit. They drew lots, each time the spread got slower but still happened. So each felled scientist was placed in suspended animation near the point of death. Chartrand had to be sedated due to her grief. A recall notice was sent on her behalf. They moved to a new location. Doesn't say where."

She entered the SubLight cartridge and tapped a few more keys. 

"Boom. Station is claimed for SubLight." 

"You know something?" Felix drawled. "We might be the finest agents SubLight ever hired."

"We can go home to the ship now, right?" asked Par. "I been missin' Ada fierce."

"Yeah," the Captain nodded. "I've spent enough time in Dr Moreau's mess." 

~~~

_< "Captain, I wish to offer my commendation for convincing the UDL's gunship to leave HRS-1084. I did not favour the idea of being stripped and sold for parts.">_

"You're welcome, Ada. Set a course for the Groundbreaker, please."

_< "Certainly, Captain.">_

Jay seemed far more relaxed as soon as they got back on the ship and she slipped a second jacket on while Felix brewed hot drinks.

_Too much cold for her out there._

"Vocab check?" he asked cheerfully. 

"Sure!" 

"What's hocus pocus?" 

"Oh, that's like magic," she explained, leaning back against the counter. "Made up or imaginary. Not real. It's a nonsense phrase that magic performers used to say." 

_Makes sense._

"And Dr Moreau?" 

"It's from an old book about a man who ends up on an island filled with animal-human hybrid creatures. Dr Moreau is the mad scientist trying to turn animals into human forms. Over the centuries it was rewritten to reflect whatever scientific method people were worried about. When it was written, the concern was vivisection, animal testing. Later it was artificial intelligence, or DNA splicing."

"That's what these scientists are attempting, right?" he asked as he passed her a steaming mug. "Tryna put raptidon DNA into people." 

"Right. Which isn't a thing that is possible. Chimerical manipulation past the point of zygotes - conception basically - is, well, hocus pocus. You can implant animal parts into yourself, but that doesn't change your DNA. These people were trying to change their DNA to make themselves creatures of Halcyon, and instead, the rapt strain attacked their bodies and killed them."

"Nearly killed them I guess." 

"Not really," she sighed. "There's no undo button for what they did. No 'cure'. Those people aren't the people they once were, they're not aware, probably not sentient. Their hearts might have some beats left, but they're long gone." 

"Well, shit," Felix exhaled loudly. "You're pretty knowledgeable on science stuff, boss. And literature and mythology and all that." 

"I'm an information sponge," she laughed. "Going undercover in so many different ways, I end up with knowledge that doesn't seem like it'll ever be useful again. Especially now… I know how to operate a whole load of weapons that no longer exist, how to infiltrate a million buildings I'll never see again, and how to jack a hundred vehicles I'll never drive."

Her tone had turned a little sad, and Felix walked over to her, with a distraction of mischief on his mind.

"Uh, that's useful in that it's incredibly _hot_ ," he drawled, and Jay chuckled.

"Oh, is that so?" she raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"Mhm," he caged her with his arms before suddenly lifting her onto the counter as she squeaked in surprise.

She put her mug out the way, as far as she could reach, then pulled him down into a scorching kiss that made his mind spin. Even when he had the upper hand with her, he could never keep it, and he never wanted to, delighting in her easy and confident control.

Felix pressed against her harder, and she obligingly wrapped her legs around him, her hand trailing south.

He broke their kiss with a hissed curse as she stroked him through his clothes, her fingers tracing the hard shape of his straining length. She smirked wickedly, and he leaned forward, pushing her back a little as he kissed into her neck, before pausing to murmur in her ear.

"Maybe we should go get some privacy, boss… 'cause right now, I _really_ want to have you come on my face."

" _Fuck me_ ," she breathed, as he pulled back, seeing her eyes were blown. 

"That too," he grinned, and she laughed, bopping him lightly on the shoulder.

As they barrelled down the corridor and along to the Captain's cabin, Felix could have sworn he heard Ellie call out a grumpy thank you for leaving, but as soon as Jay finished telling Ada to flip their room into privacy mode, he was kissing her again hungrily and his mind narrowed to a single focus.

He had a vague fantasy of going down on her while she lay back on her desk, her eyes full of stars, but the trip to the space station had reminded him that she didn't have a lot of positive associations with the cold emptiness of space, so he instead led her to the familiar comfort of her bed. Her clothing lay scattered across the floor, marking their path, his single-minded determination not giving her space to return the favour, and as they kissed on the bed he took his sweet time running his hands across every curve and sensitive spot. 

She moaned into his mouth as he teased his fingertips down her body, and as he began following that path with his lips, she ran her hands into his hair, making him growl happily. He lifted her thigh over his shoulder as he moved backwards, humming as he finally ran his tongue against where she wanted him so badly. Her fingers tightened in his hair slightly, deliciously, and he groaned as he licked and fucked her with his tongue as thoroughly as he possibly could, wanting her to relax and lose herself completely.

"Fuck, sweetheart, you're so good for me," she breathed softly, and his already hard cock twitched at her words, making him shudder. "You look so gorgeous like that, Fel'." 

Her praise worked better than any begging could have, as he felt himself straining against the bed, desperate to please her. She pulled on his hair just enough to direct him, and he moved up to circle his tongue around her clit as his finger slid inside her. Jay's breath stuttered above him as she clenched around his finger and his face, curses and praise falling from her lips.

"Such a good boy." 

_Fuuuuck_

He added another finger as his mouth worked hard, and he felt wonderfully sloppy as he devoured her, growling his pleasure at the taste of her, whining needily when her fingers tightened in his hair or when he caught her praise for him - how good he was, how amazing, perfect, beautiful…

She was incredibly close, and Felix could feel it in the tension of her body, the pattern of her breath, and he held her down against the bed hard, pressing his fingers upwards more firmly as he ramped up the intensity, her voice hoarse then gone as she panted and finally flew to pieces beneath him, gasping in breath. A gush filled his mouth as she broke and he fucking _purred_ in pleasure, licking her slowly enough to keep her in that pleasant buzz without overstimulating her, as she sighed happily, utterly stress-free.

"You're amazing, sweetheart," Jay murmured softly, breathing hard. "You did so well." 

He could feel himself getting slightly hazy with her words, the familiar feeling of the rest of the world melting away until only the two of them existed. Jay lightly tapped for him to crawl back up her body, and he removed his clothes as he did so, happy to be her favourite radiator as she wrapped her arms around him with a contented purr. She fluttered kisses over his face, making him grin.

"Thank you," he kissed her nose. 

"I think it's me that does the thanking, Fel'," she winked, and he smiled goofily.

"I mean that I like hearing I've done a good job. It makes me feel very… warm."

"I'm glad," she stroked his cheek tenderly. 

"And also very hard." 

She laughed, and he kissed into her neck as she pulled him more heavily against her. 

He began moving backwards again, eager to repeat his good work, but she caught him, pulling him into a kiss instead, and he chased her tongue with his even as she caught his hand from wiggling down between them, towards- 

_But, but-_

Jay broke the kiss, still holding him close. 

"What do you need, my love?" she murmured, and his heart thudded in his chest.

"Make you feel good," he growled, feeling stubborn, and he blinked as she kissed his nose.

"And what if I want to make _you_ feel good, puppy?" 

Felix felt caught between wanting to serve her all the harder for _that_ name, and the surety that it wasn't what she wanted right now.

"I… making you feel good is safe," he knew she'd understand his meaning.

She hummed, kissing along his jawline as she twisted her fingers into his hair more firmly, and he whimpered a little, needily.

"I can make other things safe, puppy," she purred, and he knew she _had_ to feel his cock twitching against her as the new term of endearment had him coming nearly undone, "and reward you for being so very good for me, hm?" 

"Fuck, _yes_ ," he moaned, nuzzling into her as his thoughts got even blurrier around the edges. " _Please_ , boss."

"Mm, that's better. Such a good pup."

_Fuck-_

She deftly flipped them in the bed, pressing down on him firmly, and began kissing down his throat.

"Can you hold perfectly still for me, gorgeous boy?" she murmured against his skin.

" _Yes_."

"That's my _good_ boy." 

_Fuck fuck fuck_

Jay kissed across his shoulders, down over his chest, using her tongue now and then to tease him. His muscles were twitching beneath her as she worshipped him with her lips, her instructions on not moving giving him an anchor, a way to be good for her even as she focused on his pleasure. Her breath tickled his stomach, and he knew just how hard his cock was straining towards her, he could feel where the precum had dripped onto his stomach, and he groaned loudly realising she would lap that up with her tongue.

Felix couldn't look down, as doing so would mean moving his head and he had to keep still, but the image of her kneeled in front of him, wrapping her gorgeous lips around his hard length was never far from his mind. She pressed kisses down, down, down his body, and he gave a strangled gasp as her finger stroked down the side of his cock, feather-light. His body was trembling as he forced himself to be as immobile as possible, wanting to be good for her.

"Such a good puppy," she purred, her hot breath falling across his tip, and he whined, desperately, and began softly begging.

"Please, _please_ …" 

"You sound so pretty, sweet thing. Can you be patient for me?" 

" _Yes_ , fuck- Yes. I wanna be good." 

" _Good_ boy." 

_Love you love you love you-_

She moved back up his body, and straddled him across his stomach, the tip of his cock barely grazing against her ass. Jay bit her lip as she looked at him, her eyes blown, and he swallowed hard as she gently stroked his face.

"So gorgeous, Fel'. I love you so much," she murmured, and he trembled beneath her, feeling how soaked she was against his skin. "Keep your body still, but you can move your head, puppy." 

He immediately lifted his head, to see the full view, and he groaned loudly as he saw she was pleasuring herself on top of him. She ran her tongue across her lips as she watched him, and his eyes flicked back down, mesmerised as-

_Fuck, fuck!_

She started to move her body as well as her hand, giving the tiniest pressure back against where he strained so hard to reach her, the tip of his cock getting only _just_ enough stimulation for him to be perfectly frustrated. Her breath hitched as she worked herself with her fingers, her slick spilling onto him, her ass barely grazing his cock, giving him the sweetest torture he'd ever experienced.

A torrent of swearing and moans was spilling from his mouth, he'd broken out in a sweat all over as he held himself rigidly still, and as Jay began softly moaning, his curses turned to pleas, begging, as he licked his lips and wanted, wanted-

"Would you like to help me, sweet thing?" she paused her fingers, and lifted them to her mouth, licking them slowly. 

_Fuck ME-_

"Please, _please_ , Jay. Fuck, please let me taste you, _please_ , boss, please, please-"

"You've done so well, puppy," she smiled at him, and as she moved up his body he nearly sobbed in relief. "Only use your mouth, Fel'. Tap three times on my leg if you need me to stop. Otherwise, only move your head, understand?" 

She paused, waiting on a response, and Felix nodded, clumsily.

"Yes, _yes_. Three taps. Got it, boss." 

"Perfect," she purred, and lowered herself down, so he was pinned beneath her as she knelt above his face.

He licked his tongue up, straining his neck to reach her, knowing that she controlled the exact intensity he was able to use. He fluttered his tongue against her lightly, groaning at how wet she was, how good she tasted, and as he felt her fingers slip into his hair he growled loudly.

If before had been sweet punishment, now was pure pleasure as he focused solely on her enjoyment, her touch reassuringly present, her stuttered breath and little moans making him happier than any climax of his own could ever manage.

As her thighs trembled, she sank further against his mouth, and he switched to tongue-fucking her as firmly as he could while she rode his face, her moans getting louder. She changed her angle slightly and he knew exactly what she wanted, circling his tongue in her favourite patterns, alternately sucking at her clit as she mewled, her fingers tightening in his hair as reward, urging him on. 

He took his time, firing her up to the point of nearly climaxing, then changing pattern, building the overall intensity every time as she gasped praise and panted his name softly. If anything, Felix wanted her to press down harder, and he stored that information away for later as he finally worked to push her over the edge. 

Her fingers suddenly tightened painfully, spiking his arousal even further, as she nearly screamed his name, and he immediately gentled his tongue as she trembled all over, holding her against his mouth, ever so gently licking and keeping the warm buzz going.

When she'd recovered enough to move, she lifted herself off him, and resumed her previous position, leaning forward to gently stroke his face. 

"You are so fucking incredible, Fel'," she praised, and he licked his lips happily. "Are you ready to follow my orders, my puppy?" 

"Please, _yes_ , fuck…" he groaned, and she smirked wickedly.

"In a moment, but not yet," she spoke clearly, and he focused all his attention on her words, "I'm going to let you move again. I'm going to give you one instruction to follow, but you cannot come until I allow you to-" 

_Oh fuck-_

"You will follow my command, because I am in charge."

"Yes, yes," he babbled a little, wanting her order. 

"Good boy," she looked proud, and his heart battered his chest in anticipation. "Now, sweet puppy, pin me and fuck me hard." 

She'd barely finished the order and his hands were around her, flipping them with surprising gentleness given his desperation, and he pushed inside her without hesitation.

Jay gasped as he filled her, keeping her moans peppered with her praise, never allowing a moment of doubt to cross his mind. The heat and tightness, the waves of pleasure slamming through him, knowing that he was being ordered, that he was being _good_ , knowing no matter how far he went, she was in control, right down to his ability to climax, Felix had never known pleasure like this. Utter and complete bliss, with no room for any of the usual things waiting at the back of his mind to pounce. He was here, he was safe, he was 

_Yours_. 

"God, you feel so fucking good inside me, Fel'. So perfect. Do you know how many nights I dreamt about this-" 

She was murmuring right beside his ear, her hands tightening in his hair as he slammed into her again and again, the intensity overwhelming as he groaned her name on repeat.

"-about you fucking me with your hard cock, my gorgeous boy. Filling me like no one else can, making me scream your name, puppy. Emptying yourself inside me, again and again and again."

"Fuck, Jay- _stars_ , I- _fuck_ …" 

"Harder, puppy." 

_Fucking fuck!_

Felix was right on the edge now, clenching his jaw as he fucked her into the bed, and with sudden realisation, he trailed his fingers down her body, pressing them in harsh circles, less finesse than he'd like, and she started clenching around him as she swore loudly, her nails digging into his back.

Her body arched as her orgasm ripped through her, and he put everything he had into not following her, while not slowing down, and-

"Come for me, puppy." 

He sobbed as he came hard, shudders of pleasure crashing through him, his whole body jerking as she wrapped herself around him, covering him in praise and stroking him softly as everything got very, very blurry… 

~~~

He was warm, incredibly comfortable, and his thoughts weren't making a whole lot of sense. When Felix opened his eyes, he realised he was still on top of Jay, was still _inside_ her in fact as his cock twitched, but before he could remember how to apologise she was kissing him softly, and he sank into it, forgetting everything.

When she eventually broke the kiss, he booped her nose and she laughed.

"Need to clean myself up," she murmured, stroking his hair.

"Let me," his voice sounded wrecked still, and before she could protest, he added, "please?"

"Sure," she smiled.

Felix was fairly confident she thought he meant he'd get the warm cloth and towels always on standby, but he pulled out gently and instead kissed down her body, lovingly. Each kiss was a thank you, a promise to keep her relaxed, to not demand any more of her, and she purred happily.

When he got to where she was still slick, he pressed kisses around her, and felt an unexpected rush of happiness wash over him as he saw his own contribution beginning to leak out. Hesitantly, he licked her softly, not sure if what he was doing was something she'd be okay with. Her fingers stroked his hair gently, and reassured, he licked further, soon tasting himself as well as her. He hummed happily, not aiming for anything more than her comfort, and when he finished he got the cloth and towel, finishing the job and sorting himself.

"Thank you, sweetheart," she was gazing at him with adoration, and he blushed a little. 

She pulled at him lightly, and he came up the bed, keeping his weight to the side of her, and was rewarded with long, slow kisses that he melted into.

He squeezed her tight, and she huffed a laugh, letting him nuzzle his nose against hers.

"You are amazing," he murmured, and she smiled happily. 

"I'm guessing I did a good job, then?" she asked cheekily, and he gently bit into her neck in reply. 

"Uh, fucking yes? You did an incredible job, boss-" 

He stroked her face, looking at her seriously.

"-Thank you. I love you so much, Jay."

"You're very welcome, puppy," she beamed. "I love you too, more than anything."

He moved over a little, letting her snuggle back against him, and she gave a happy sigh.

"Definitely keep calling me that," he murmured. "And pulling more at my hair? Big fan, boss." 

"I definitely got that impression," she chuckled, and he kissed the back of her neck. "I love the way you keep me in a nice place with your tongue after I come. It makes me all melty-" 

Felix grinned, pleased with himself.

"-oh, and I _definitely_ like you begging." 

He blushed as his cock twitched against her without permission, making her giggle.

"Yeah, I reckon I like that too," he drawled, smiling as she tangled her fingers with his.

"We'll probably be at Groundbreaker soon," she murmured. "You feeling okay about that? We won't be there long, it's totally fine to stay on the ship."

"Nah, I'm good. I want to see if Lilya tries to pull one over on you." 

"Sounds good to me, puppy."

He chuckled softly, and kissed the top of her head.

"I think a big part of not liking being there before was because I hadn't talked to you about everything. Not that I've been able to get into literally everything yet, but…" 

"I know the broad strokes?" she offered, and he murmured agreement. "I'm glad. But if anyone tries to wind you up, let me punch them this time." 

"Deal." 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rock Hard by Kiss
> 
> Hot lover, turn up the heat  
> I want your sugar, girl your love tastes so sweet  
> I feel a fire burnin' under me  
> I've got a hunger that you love's gotta feed
> 
> You make me sweat, you turn me 'round  
> You get me up, you never let me down


	29. If You Tolerate This

"Finally, a base of our own!" crowed Lilya Hagen in the SubLight main office. "Soon we'll have eyes on every corner of the system. Well done, Captain."

"The base had more scientists in suspension tanks," Jay replied evenly.

"I heard about that. While my lawyers scratch their heads wondering how we deal with human salvage I'm leaving the researchers in hibernation. Aside from the automated security, did you meet any resistance at the station?" 

"A UDL gunship buzzed the station, but I convinced them to back off."

"Ha, I knew it! They've been shadowing us since Monarch. Maybe even longer-" 

_Gee, thanks for the warning._

"-I've been less than honest with you. Your assignments weren't strictly about the salvage business. You might have figured that out already." 

"Rare gas and another lab testing it on people?" drawled the Captain. "Couldn't have been a coincidence."

"You have an eye for patterns," Lilya nodded. "Good. We need more contractors like you. After the Monarch job, I started connecting the dots. I didn't like the picture. Then what we found at Station Ten Eighty-Four confirmed my fears. You and I have stumbled onto something big. Something none of us were meant to know."

"Bad news, I take it."

_Keeping our cards close to our chest then._

"Maybe the worst. Ask yourself why a skeleton crew was studying that alta-vitae gas in secret. Ask yourself why stockpiles were hidden in a planet full of monsters."

"I'm guessing you have an idea."

"Before we go any further, I want you to keep an open mind. Can you do that for me, Captain?" 

_Wait, an open mind? Why?_

"I guess that depends on what we're talking about," Jay answered noncommittally. 

"You call that an open mind? All right. Here goes. Aliens. I'm talking about aliens-" 

_Whaaaaaat_. 

"-They're the ones responsible for the deaths at Ten Eighty-Four, and who knows what else. We have to put a stop to it."

"Oh, of course," exclaimed Felix, as Par gaped at the SubLight boss. "I knew it! Aliens from other worlds have been visiting Halcyon!" 

"At least one of your crew can keep an open mind. But this isn't some aetherwave serial, Millstone. This is reality."

_Ah, an immunity to sarcasm as well then._

"Aliens," Jay's expression hadn't changed. 

"I'm saying it's aliens. I'm not asking you to like it. I'm not even asking you to believe it. But I need to act on this threat to the colony, and I can't do it alone."

_I mean, you ARE asking us to believe it though._

"Damn, she's serious, boss. Tragic, ain't it? What age does to your mental faculties?" 

_This has to be a wind up._

"Your crew is sceptical," shrugged Lilya. "That's good. I don't want you walking into the unknown with blindfolds on. I assume you have questions."

"A few," Jay still wasn't giving anything away. "When you say 'aliens', you mean…?" 

"A conspiracy. One carried out with the help of human collaborators, assuming they haven't all been replaced. This is an invasion of our very cells. That dammed gas is mixing our nuclein with Halcyon biology to twist us. Change us. Make us more like those monsters on Monarch."

_I mean she's got the biology part right, but the rest? And she means alien aliens. MacRedd makes more sense than this and he's king of the shroomheads._

"I haven't seen any evidence of aliens. The only aliens in this system are humans."

"No kidding. That's what they want us to think. When I lined up the evidence in my spreadsheet there was only one possible conclusion looking back at me. This is my data talking, not my anxiety or lack of sleep."

_Uh huh, uh huh._

"How do you know I'm not an alien spy on a mission to silence you?" 

Felix covered his laugh with a cough. 

"Sharing my findings took a calculated risk. If you were a spy, I doubt you'd even realise it. Only your cells would know." 

_I'm literally speechless. Me. Wow._

"I really don't know what to make of this, Lilya."

"If you don't believe me, go pay a visit to the puppet master who's working against her own kind. Dr Chartrand is the crooked psychopath behind the gas experiments. She sold out her species. I need you to put a bullet through her skull." 

_Aaaaand there's the rub. I don't know if Chartrand is evil or not, but she sure as shit shouldn't be killed because some fool thinks she's an alien._

"Why does Dr Chartrand need to die?" 

"She's a research scientist, and a damn good one. Before UDL poached her she engineered a point two percent increase in cystipig juiciness. Now she's doing the same thing with humanity. Her fingerprints were all over Station Ten Eighty-Four. You saw what she did to her team."

"When did SubLight get so principled?" Jay raised an eyebrow. 

"It's cute that you'd think that about me. I just want to add 'Saviour of Humanity' to my resume. I've got ambitions outside of this office, you know. Besides, this way SubLight gets first dibs on alien salvage."

"The labs I passed through didn't seem THAT far from what the Board is likely to be up to."

_No kidding. Human experimentation and bad science is exactly their agenda._

"Do you usually come across innocent people trapped in suspension tanks? Because some of us would call that excessive. Remember, the tanks were just the shit she left behind. Just imagine the experiments she carted off to her next lab."

"Where does Chartrand fit into your alien conspiracy theory?" 

"We're far beyond theories. Chartrand's logs, the gas, the suspension tanks - how much proof do you need? Wake up, Captain! An invasion needs collaborators working from the shadows. She has access to the Board, unlimited funds, and a colony full of sheep."

_This is beyond ridiculous._

"Murder isn't covered under my contractor employment agreement." 

"Just think of it as salvaging hope from the smoking wreckage of humanity. This is your initiation into a future with SubLight. Want a steady position in our ranks? Buy one with a bullet."

"Buy what with a bullet exactly?" 

"Well, there's your usual fee. What else do you want, a promotion? It's yours. Even better - I'll owe you one."

Jay was silent for a long moment, weighing up her options. 

"Sounds messy," she nodded, "but I'll take the job." 

"This keycard will get you through the front door of her Byzantium estate. Don't ask how I got it. You might not like the answer. By now the other side knows what you're doing. Don't trust anything Chartrand says. She's compromised down to the bone. Maybe even deeper than that."

~~~

"Sooo," Parvati hummed innocently as they crossed the promenade. "I'm guessing we're not actually gonna…?" 

"Probably not," shrugged Jay. 

"And she's also probably not a…?" 

"Definitely not." 

"Good good," the engineer hesitated slightly. 

"And yes, you've got time to go see Junlei," the Captain smirked as Par bounced off happily in a flurry of thank yous.

"Well that didn't go how I expected," Felix grinned as they continued their journey back to the ship. "From salvage to alien conspiracy is one hell of a leap!"

"Yeah, I can't say I was prepared for that one. I can _kinda_ see where she's coming from… but she's breezed right past the part where _we're_ the aliens in this system. Which is almost certainly what any of Chartrand's notes might allude to."

"Given the Hope had all the scientists, boss, it's a wonder anybody here reads anything like this correctly." 

"Hah! Good point." 

~~~

"So," Ellie's voice floated down the hallway as Felix rummaged through some stuff in his room. "We're just gonna march straight into Byzantium and 'acquire' some rare chemicals, right under the Board's nose. I sure hope you negotiated for a raise with this Phineas guy."

"This isn't about money," replied Jay, patiently. 

"Uh-huh. Sure. Everybody's got an angle. I'm just wondering what yours is." 

Felix rolled his eyes as he listened. With the ship heading to Byzantium, the Captain had filled in the crew on their various upcoming missions. 

"Phineas rescued me from the Hope. The least I can do is help him see this through."

"That's one way of looking at it. Another is that he pulled you out of hibernation without your say-so and got you to do his dirty work. Besides, none of this is your mess. So why go dirtying your hands with it?" 

"If Halcyon goes down, we all do. I'll do what I can to fix it."

"Guess I hadn't looked at it that way. Still, Phineas isn't your only option. The Board's got a bounty on his head. And they've got more than enough bits to pay it. I've got no love for the corporations, but they know how to take care of their people. The ones at the top anyway."

_You cannot be serious._

"I'm not going to become some corporate lackey," Jay snorted, and Felix grinned at how much the idea insulted her. 

"Don't think of it as being a lackey. Think of it as doing a job and getting paid really, really well. I know you wanna save the day, but don't forget to look after yourself. No one else out here is going to."

_And there we have it. She's just worried about Jay and doesn't know how to say it._

"Aw, Ell."

"Hey, don't get any ideas. I'm just making sure you last long enough to pay me at the end of this."

_Oh yeah, 'cause that definitely still matters now you're loaded via your own life insurance._

"Sure, sure." 

Felix could hear the smile in her voice. 

~~~

Neither Ellie or Max had been keen to set foot in Byzantium, one having completed all her business there and the other uncomfortable with quite how he felt now about all things Board.

Instead, it was Parvati joining them as they exited the Unreliable, with the engineer apparently keen to invest in some new clothes for her all important big date with Junlei. 

So far Jay had helped her procure fancy soaps from the Groundbreaker, Junlei's favourite foods from Monarch, and with an outfit from Byzantium, Felix could only imagine what she might claim she needed next in order to postpone officially asking Junlei to be her girlfriend that little bit further. 

"There's our contact," the Captain murmured, nodding towards a bespectacled woman leaning against some crates.

They found their way through the maze of stacked crates, Felix idly tutting at the disorganisation and hearing Jay chuckle lightly. The contrast between his complete lack of tidyness with his own possessions and his need for the ship cargo to be rigidly ordered, never failed to amuse her. 

"Do you mind?" hissed the presumable Carmen Imagawa. "I'm meeting someone."

"Yeah, Phin sent me," Jay tilted her head slightly, sizing the contact up. 

"Ssh! No names, okay? The Phoenix is a wanted man, and the Board has eyes everywhere in Byzantium."

_The-?_

"Phoenix?" asked the Captain. 

"Yeah, that's my code name for - you know. Our mutual friend."

"What's your code name?" 

"Oh, I'm Golden Eagle."

"And I am…?" 

"Um, yeah. I named you Cuckoo."

"Seriously?!" Jay pouted, and Felix grinned at her outrage as Par snickered. 

"It makes sense if you think about it! Because I didn't know who you were and old Earth cuckoos would routinely trick other birds into feeding them!" 

"No way," the Captain shook her head firmly. "I'll be Bluebird." 

"Ah, the bird of princesses," Carmen nodded wisely, and Felix barked a laugh of surprise. 

_That can't be-_

"Bluebirds are the birds of happiness, love… and hope," drawled Jay. 

"Perfect choice, boss," grinned Felix. "Can we pick our own code names? I wanna be Rolling Thunder. Wait, no, I got it. Drop Kick Millstone. Yeah."

"I was really trying to stick with the bird theme," Carmen frowned. "How about… Bullfinch." 

"Wow. That is so much better. Bullfinch Millstone."

"Okay, but adding your last name kinda misses the point."

Jay was struggling not to give into the giggles. 

"Oh, oh, oh!" Par couldn't contain herself any longer. "Can I be 'Chicken'? Because chickens will adopt any critter's baby and keep them warm."

"You sure you don't wanna be Raven?" asked Carmen in confusion. "Or Sparrowhawk?" 

"Aw," the engineer made the saddest face. 

"Okay, okay. Chicken it is," Carmen seemed to suddenly realise how off track they'd got. "Anyway, you're looking to make contact with Minister- er, Magpie, right? I should warn you, it won't be easy. He spends most of his time in his estate, which is heavily guarded."

"That's fine," shrugged Jay. "Already got a way in."

Carmen was visibly surprised before rallying again. 

"He almost never leaves his home, and his guards never leave him." 

"Can't say I blame him, it's scary out of doors," chirped Parvati. "I mean, can you even count how many times we been shot at?" 

"That's true," Felix nodded. "It is our speciality." 

"Wetwork specialists, huh?" Carmen looked impressed. "Our mutual friend is really branching out."

_Wet…?_

Felix zoned out a little as Jay questioned the contact on how she got into her line of work which seemed to consist mostly of a love for birds. It was interesting for the Captain, coming across someone else so familiar with something from Earth. 

The other thing about birds, though," Carmen was saying, "is that they're environmental indicators." 

"Yeah," Jay nodded. "When they die off, it's a sign that something's wrong."

_I mean Halcyon has no birds, other than some chickens we brought with us. Pterorays hardly count. Earth had millions of species of animals… this system is desolate in comparison._

"And then there's the way nothing gets fixed," the contact was explaining how things here weren't quite right. "There used to be a suggestion box around here. People would drop ideas in. Nothing ever came of them, of course."

"Sounds like my old job," he mused. "I had all these bang-up ideas, you know? Like makin' everybody haul their own damn boxes. Never did catch on, though."

"That's what I mean! Everyone needs a suggestion box so they can voice their thoughts. So what if nothing changes? That's why they install shredders in those boxes. But one day, the shredder broke. No one came to fix it. And since it wasn't working, we didn't have anywhere to file our complaints, so you can imagine how messy things got."

_Shredders in suggestion boxes? Hah! Figures._

"I bet your repair folks couldn't find parts," mused Parvati. "Back in Edgewater, I'd have to take something apart just to put another thing back together."

_And the gunship that crashed on Monarch had a fault due to a part that never got replaced…_

"At first management put up an 'Out of Order' sign," continued Carmen, "but that just seemed to worry people. Like they were advertising something wasn't working. They eventually took the whole 'Suggestion Box' sign down so that people didn't have any expectations about it. But they never fixed it. Never replaced it. Doesn't that seem odd to you?"

"And if they can't fix something that simple…" Jay trailed off, deep in thought.

"What else aren't they fixing?" 

~~~

"Hey, boss," Felix got the Captain's attention as they left the docking bay. "Look." 

He pointed at a sign above a hallway leading away from their destination: 'Retirees' 

"Good spot," she said softly. "I thought that had a separate dock… I guess we may as well scope out the entry." 

A corporate commander and trooper came round the corner, too busy in conversation to notice them. 

"That's the last of them." 

"Finally. Is it just me, or are we getting more and more retirees lately?" 

"Not just you. Felt like a damn factory worker these last few months. Oh well, nothing a few drinks won't cure. Come on, let's go hit up Bijous."

"Can't. They're closed. Someone saw a sprat…" 

As they headed out of sight, Felix followed Jay along the corridor they'd come from, and was surprised to see nobody guarding the entry to the Retirement District at all. 

"This is the same thing those leaflets were for?" whispered Parvati and Jay nodded. 

"Yeah, I think it was advertised in all the settlements. Not on the Groundbreaker though." 

"I didn't hear of it til we got here," added Felix. "Though that's not hugely surprising given relations between the Board and Junlei." 

"Why do I have a real bad feeling about this…" Jay hacked the door open, and they entered the district.

~~~

The light was blinding, and as Felix struggled to adjust his vision, the speaker system blared its message loudly. 

"Welcome to the Halcyon Holdings Corporation Early Retirement Center! You, the lucky few, have been selected to spend the rest of your days living the high life in your own private district in Byzantium. When you arrive, you'll be whisked away to your very own luxury penthouse…"

The offensively cheerful voice droned on and on, splicing adverts into the grand promises of this new deluxe existence before circling back and repeating it on an unending loop. They were standing in a huge hallway, water features on either side, cool white marble on every surface, and some stands that apparently had more information.

_This… this is way too good to be remotely true._

"Not a single crime committed," Jay murmured a little as she read. "Brainchild of Clarke and the Chairman…"

She stepped back, looking perturbed. 

"This is a trap."

"I mean, it could be real," Parvati didn't look as hopeful as usual. 

"Do you know of anyone who won the retirement lottery?" he asked her, and she shook her head. 

_Thank goodness. I guess since Edgewater was failing they got skipped over._

The Captain tapped at a terminal at the end of the room, in front of an oversized and closed elevator. 

"Big screed on liability," she revealed, "a last chance to turn back with no repercussions - allegedly - and a command to give consent that-" 

The elevator doors pinged open. 

"-does that." 

As the elevator descended they were finally cut off from the blasted intercom, and the usual lift music began to play… only to become stretched out and distorted. It was an open lift, and the further they travelled, the grimier and more exposed the walls became.

"Get ready," said Jay softly, unholstering her carbine.

Felix immediately armed his rifle, and Par nodded as she got her gun ready too. 

_Creepy music and rusty walls… I feel like my hair's standing on end._

The elevator bumped to a halt, and the doors opened to a wide, badly-lit corridor in worse condition than the maintenance tunnels everyone knew to avoid.

There was no shining marble, just rust and darkness. No water features, only puddles of dark liquid. No intercom or music, but absolute silence. 

Jay tilted her head slightly, and Felix realised it perhaps wasn't silent to her ears. She clenched her jaw, and nodded before stealthing forward, and he noted that even Par had abandoned all optimism. At the end of the corridor, Jay tapped the doors open, and her eyes narrowed.

"Oh no," Parvati gasped softly, and Felix struggled to make sense of the scene in front of them. 

It was a wide room, low ceilinged, with several janitor mechs hosing the floor which was… red. Pools of blood stemming from-

"Shit. _Shit_ ," he swallowed hard as he tried and failed to count just how many dead bodies were scattered across the ground, in piles, shot to pieces. 

A troop of security drones came flying out from the side of the room, and a mechanical onslaught began, with wave after wave of automechs triggered into murder mode. Unlike the retirees, his crew was armed, and Felix soon had to forget about worrying what his feet were running over as he provided covering fire for Jay and Parvati. The Captain's carbine was firing super rapidly far more often than usual, and he filed that information away for later.

_Wish I had my fucking grenades, damn it!_

Eventually they stood alone amidst robot carnage atop the preexisting human remains, as the janitor mechs doggedly kept hosing the floor. 

_This is a nightmare. All these older people dying in fear and panic, herded in just to be slaughtered. It's fucking genocide._

Felix tried to push it all down, the enormity of it all just too much to deal with right now. He was no stranger to abhorrent sights, to the despicable cruelty of the Board and people in general, but it never got any easier having to bury it all in order to keep moving forward. 

_What happens if we ever come to a stop, and we've got all this to deal with?_

"Thanks, boss," he tried to drawl, but it was more of a croak. "Been wanting to break something ever since we first got here."

"This is… I don't even have words for this," the engineer crouched down, looking ill. "All our old folks would try for the lottery, wanting to win their chance for- for-" 

"I'm sorry, Par," murmured Jay. 

"I'm just glad my dad died afore all this. A- a whole lot of these people will have family thinking they've gone to a better place. I- I don't understand how anyone can be so cruel. How can they be so evil?!" 

Felix crouched down beside her, speaking softly. 

"We're here to stop them, Par. That's what our whole mission is about. Stopping the Board, making sure they can't keep doing this shit." 

"Yeah... Yeah," she nodded, doing her best to pull herself together. "We are. Thank you, that helps."

Jay gave him a grateful smile as he stood, and they started looking for a way out. 

~~~

Unbarring a door after crawling through a series of tunnels meant mostly for automechs, Jay blinked in surprise as they tumbled into the maintenance tunnels.

"What the…?" 

She bent down and when she stood back up and turned around, she had a small white sprat sitting calmly in her hands.

"Aww, lookit his lil whiskers!" cooed Par, stroking the critter on the head. 

"Gotta be a tame one, boss," Felix grinned, then saw movement behind her. "Hey, there's another!"

An hour later and after running headfirst into an enormous angry sprat and countless deranged mechs, he and Par were each holding three white critters, all perfectly docile, as they headed to the elevator.

_A much needed distraction after the last district._

"I mean, they must be someone's?" mused Jay. "And if not maybe the rescue place in Fallbrook will take 'em. Better than living down there." 

As the elevator doors pinged open back at surface level, a man leapt backwards in surprise. 

"I'm on my legally allotted break!" he babbled. "Really. I'm supposed to be here. Oh! Um, what are you doing here?" 

Felix signalled to Parvati to stay back in the shadows, their sprat attire perhaps not safe to be seen. 

It didn't take long for Jay to get the stranger to spill that he was a scientist hunting for his missing sprats. As she casually ascertained he was doing behavioural testing only, and was in fact so attached to the critters he'd named them all after All My Colonists characters, she nodded for Felix and Par to step forward with their sprat haul. 

"Vonda! Lord Reginald! You're all here!" 

The sprats perked up immediately, chirping happily as they jumped onto their owner. 

"Take good care of them," commanded Jay, with a decent measure of threat in her voice. 

~~~

"I must admit, I'm getting a certain thrill out of our little arrangement. If this goes well, perhaps I'll start hiring wandering delinquents to handle all of my affairs. It _is_ going well, I hope?" 

_Ugh_. 

Hortense Ingalsbee was as awful as Felix remembered her being. The Captain could tell her that the Retirement District was a paradise, that she really had to visit to see for herself...

"So it turns out Early Retirement isn't so much a life of luxury as it is a brutal execution."

_Oh well, it was a nice dream._

"What?" the snob spluttered at Jay. "You mean it's just a sham they perpetuate so they can… dispose of the rabble? That's… that's…-" 

_Wait for it…_

"-Brilliant! To take the most burdensome members of our society and simply remove them… oh, I'll never doubt the wisdom of the Board again. Why I had no reason to be envious at all. What a relief!"

"I really should have expected this reaction," sighed Jay, as Parvati stood open-mouthed in horror. 

"And how else would I react? A vagrant such as yourself couldn't possibly appreciate the emotional burden this news has lifted from my shoulders. But regardless of your ignorance, I promised you a fee for your services, so a fee you shall have."

"With a bonus for the unexpected danger, of course," there was ice in the Captain's voice.

"I suppose that would be appropriate. Very well, treat yourself to an extra bowl of sprat stew, or something."

As they left, Jay paused and turned for a moment. 

"Do try and enjoy the rest of your short life while you can, Hortense."

There was a real flicker of fear, swiftly covered by a scoff, that Felix knew he would treasure the memory of. 

~~~

"Ah here we go, Jolicoeur's is just up here," Jay bounced ahead of them, as at home as ever in every environment. 

Felix scowled slightly as two toffs outside the shop gave him a disparaging glance before tittering to each other.

As they walked into the shop, there was an overpowering cloying scent, and the sheer opulence reminded him of the foreboding grand retirement hall. 

"Everything's so fine and fancy-like," he muttered. "Makes your skin crawl." 

Parvati nodded in sympathy before cooing over the outfits on display. 

"You, with the hips!" the proprietor called, ogling Jay who dutifully approached. "Over here. Let me take a closer look at you. Ah-ah-ah. Don't speak. Hold that posture for a moment while I admire you. You have a natural contrapposto, my dear. The way you rest your weight against your hip suggests a certain rugged charisma possessed only by the mighty primal, and the well-travelled spacer. Splendid! I love it!"

"That's me," the Captain winked. "Rugged and well-traveled."

"Ah, Celeste. You've done it again. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you that I'd found my muse. I'm Celeste Jolicoeur. And you, my dear, are exactly what Byzantium needs."

"I couldn't agree more," drawled Jay, clearly enjoying herself. 

"Darling, you and that gorgeous swagger of yours have been on my mind since the moment you stepped into my studio. I'm working on a new line of clothing that will shock this city to the core…" 

Felix tuned out a little, already tired of the fancy talk that couldn't distract from the obviously present boot of the Board. Two UDL troopers stood stiffly in the back corners of the store. 

_Luxury at gunpoint, how aspirational._

He kept a close eye on the guards, not trusting how they were watching Parvati as she flitted about excitedly, taking in the sight of it all. 

"Par," called the Captain, and she turned with a smile. "Celeste, my engineer's going on a date, and she needs a fine outfit." 

"You don't gotta be so forward about my reasons, Jay!" the engineer flushed. 

"Let me get a good look at you," commanded the tailor. "Turn around, please, darling. My word. Such muscular shoulders! You're a vision, dear."

"I-I'm no such thing, ma'am."

_Poor Par, an onslaught of compliments is not something she can wave off like Jay…_

"Nonsense. You're absolutely lovely," the tailor cooed, and Felix considered that maybe not all the posh folks were completely terrible. "Chin up, now! I have just the thing for you. Let me do a back-of-the-envelope calculation. Materials. Labour. Licensing and copyright… there." 

She slid the paper over on the counter and he saw Par's eyes widen in shock. 

"She's an engineer," Jay gave her best winning smile. "You think she can afford that? She needs to impress her true love."

"Love?" Celeste exclaimed. "That's the ultimate luxury, darling. 'Love!' Hah! Oh, gracious me." 

"I don't get why that's funny, ma'am," murmured Parvati, and Felix was surprised to see the tailor look apologetic. 

"Oh, my cherub. Who woos for love anymore? That's truly precious. All right, Captain. Here is the absolute best I can do for you."

"I can swing 3000 bits," nodded Jay, as Par gaped at them both.

_Fucking hell. You could get six sets of top of the range armour for that!_

"There are some things I simply cannot skimp on, darling. Such a lovely young lady deserves the best. Now stand back. Back, back! I'll enter the settings and get these machines spinning. You'll be broke to bespoke in merely an hour…" 

"We'll be back then," smiled Jay, ushering her crew out the door. 

"Three thousand bits, Jay!" gasped Parvati, horrified. "You shouldn't've - not that I'm not grateful but oh my stars…"

"It's fine, Par," Jay chuckled. "Everyone else needed new armour but you, so consider it balance." 

"It's true," nodded Felix. "We've all been outfitted pretty slick. And we ain't saving for any more Navkeys."

"Truth be told, we've profited a lot higher than we needed to," shrugged the Captain. "Selling everything through Martin has really paid off. Don't let the snobs know, but we're probably richer than most of 'em right now."

She laughed as Felix joined Par in gaping at her. 

"I'm not sure how I feel about that, boss." 

"Don't worry, Fel', our upcoming missions will work through it quick!"

_Well, I will need a lot of grenades…_

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rebel Run extras over on my tumblr include fluff alphabets and shipping memes](https://thalfox.tumblr.com/tagged/Rebel-Run) 🥰 
> 
> My asks are always open for fic and character questions! 
> 
> ~~~
> 
> If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next by Manic Street Preachers
> 
> The future teaches you to be alone  
> The present to be afraid and cold  
> So if I can shoot rabbits  
> Then I can shoot fascists
> 
> And if you tolerate this  
> Then your children will be next  
> And if you tolerate this  
> Then your children will be next


	30. A Smoking Gun

As they crossed the square, a man in sunglasses yelled out loudly. 

"Hey, you! Yeah, you!" he pointed at Jay with a wide grin. "Want to be famous? Kid, you got presence. Natural magnetism. Know what I mean?" 

"I like where this is going," drawled Jay easily. 

_Damn, she really is like a magnet everywhere she goes. At least these snobs ain't triggering my jealousy._

"Tell you what, you're gonna like it a whole lot more once we start talking bits. Listen, you got an agent? Some kind of representation?" 

"I consider myself freelance." 

"Fresh, natural talent! I know it when I see it! Listen, you got a real special quality. Raw energy. I see you in pictures, kid."

_Wait, does he mean…?_

"Just tell me what you're offering."

"I'm making a feature," said the man, grandly. "'Space Pirates of Moros Prime'. It's gonna be a huge hit, but we still need a star, and I think you got the chops."

_Oh my fuck, he's Maverick Johnston?!_

"Boss!" Felix gasped. "We have to."

"Your pal's got the right idea," grinned Maverick. "He's also got a certain… expendable look-" 

_Okay, ouch. But fair._

"-Bring him along-" 

_AHHHHHHHHH_

"-we've got a lot of stunts to shoot. So whaddya say? You ready for the chance of a lifetime?" 

Felix was doing a happy dance when Jay glanced at him and she laughed. 

"I'm in."

_YES!_

"Terrific! We're holding auditions at the studio. Head to Odeon Pictures and take the elevator. You're going all the way to the top, baby."

~~~

"For all auditions, please use the elevator on the left," chirped the receptionist drone inside the Odeon Pictures foyer. 

Felix wasn't sure what he was thinking, as the inside of his brain seemed to consist only of excited screams.

Suddenly, Jay kissed him and he responded enthusiastically as she grounded him in her own unique way. 

"You back with us?" she smiled as she pulled away.

"Hah, yeah," he blushed slightly. "This is just- I mean, _wow_. A lot! We might be in a real feature! I don't even know if I can act. _Can_ I act? What if I can't?! I-" 

She kissed him again and this time he sank into it, letting his body relax as the rest of the world momentarily disappeared.

"That’s… much better," he smiled, and he heard Par chuckling. 

"Shame it's not a romance flick!" she grinned, as they followed her into the elevator. "Um, I don't have to do this, do I?" 

"'Course not," Jay reassured her. "Only if you want to, Par." 

"Right…" the engineer looked conflicted.

"Hold on. I gotta fix my hair," Felix tried to get his hair the perfect amount of mussed. "Good job the walls in here are so shiny." 

"You look gorgeous, Fel'," praised Jay, and he blushed a little, his heart picking up speed again as they exited the lift. "Ooh, intercom I guess?" 

She pressed the button and Maverick's voice rang out. 

"Great, you made it! Listen, I know you're expecting a script, but you're the real deal. Just go in there and do what feels natural. We gave the other actors real weapons to keep things authentic. And 'cause Joch is paying to see their logo on the big screen."

"I don't think that's a good idea-" the Captain protested, but the director ignored her.

"Now go in there, find your mark, and show us what you got!" 

The doors opened on a room set up to look like a docking bay, crates everywhere, as the drone cameras hovered nearby. An 'X' marked the spot on the floor where Jay was to stand, and as she moved into position with her crewmates flanking her, the rest of the cast sprang into life. 

"Are we on camera now?" whispered Par. "'Cause I'm not sure about this…" 

"Well, well!" boomed the other lead. "Here to stop us at last, Captain Steele? You're too late! All of this settlement's C&P HungryTime Food Pills - same nutritional value, but now with added filler - are ours!" 

_Ah, good ol' corporate media._

"Joke's on you, idiot," drawled Jay, expertly. "Those crates are just decoys."

"They- they are?" the guy struggled to recover from what was surely a script deviation. "What an unexpected twist! You may have fooled me for now, but not for long!" 

"Am I in this shot?" murmured Felix softly, making Jay smirk. "Hang on, I'm gonna give 'em the old Millstone glare."

"Do you remember the last time we faced each other?" the actor boomed after glaring back at him. "The Battle of Axajaxx, staring one another down across the void of space while flaming debris fell like rain around us?" 

"The things you just described are scientifically impossible," Jay arched an eyebrow. 

"Hey, I didn't write this," hissed the man, before realising what he'd done. "I- I had you surrounded and outgunned! But you overcame my superior numbers with tactical thinking and a Hammersmith Limited Edition Grenade Launcher! 

"Wow - a real limited edition?" Felix was impressed. "With ten percent more ammo, for twelve percent more carnage?" 

"Quit upstaging me!" the actor stomped his foot on the ground. "I've been waiting for five years now, and at last my day for vengeance has come!" 

"You ran like a coward then," snarled Jay. "You'll run now if you know what's good for you." 

_Rawr_. 

"I- uh, I-," the guy was momentarily stunned. "But still, you'll not stop me now, Steele! I have this whole port wired with submicro energon transistors! Once we're away, I'll activate the gamma particulate field, and the quantoponic chain reaction will turn this whole place into vaporised plasma!" 

"Most of those words are made up, and the ones that are real don't work like that."

"Plasma's already a vapor-like kind of thing," offered Parvati. "You can't re-vaporise it. Can you?" 

"Quiet!" yelled the actor. "You're supposed to be an extra! I hope you've paid your burial fees and signed your personal death and dismemberment waivers, because this is the end for you!" 

The actor cocked his gun, pointing it straight at Jay and Felix growled loudly, aiming his own rifle at the guy's head in return. 

"Rehearsal's over," snapped Jay, clearly unimpressed at having a live gun in her face. 

"You're not even taking this seriously!" yelled the actor. "I refuse to work like this!" 

"Lower your weapon before I give you a scathing review," growled Felix. 

"Fuck you!" 

As the man's finger began to squeeze the trigger, Felix shot first, with the other actors then retaliating in turn. In a matter of seconds, they all lay on the floor, though none were dead. The actors moaned in agony, little appreciating how lucky they'd truly been.

_If his sights hadn't wavered, I'd have shot him in the fucking face._

Felix was furious, as although chances were high Jay could have flickered out the way had the guy kept his aim true, he also knew that wasn't an ability that could be depended on.

_Nor is it necessarily safe to be caught on camera…_

"Cut! Cut! Someone call in the janitor automech!" Maverick's voice sounded out. 

_Aw, shit. Well, I don't think we'll be-_

"And you, Captain, baby! You were great! Let's take five."

_Uh. What?_

"There's my star!" the director burst through the door, bouncing in front of Jay. "Walk and talk with me. I knew you had chops, but that was something else! You found the energy in the scene and ran with it! That was _visceral_."

"You… liked that?" Jay looked a little stunned. 

"Liked it? I fucking LOVED it! The lawyers are another story, but you let me worry about them. You just hang onto that energy. It'll take a few months to get your contract set up, but it'll be worth it. Here's your fee for today, but there's more to come!" 

The director disappeared in a flurry of activity while Jay stood blinking in surprise.

"Show business is apparently a lot more like our usual business than I thought, boss." 

She huffed a laugh, before kissing him on the cheek. 

"Thanks for having my back," she purred her voice a little, and he immediately blushed. "You too, Par. I know it was hard for you, going in there." 

"Oh, it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be," the engineer beamed. "Makin' movies is exciting!" 

~~~

"And there we are, my darling girl," Celeste beamed as she handed over the outfit, lavishly wrapped. "I wish you a splendiferous evening. And if you don't mind my asking, have you any interest in modelling?

"W-what?" stammered Parvati, utterly mortified. "Oh no, ma'am. All them eyes staring at me? I couldn't. No way, no how. I get scared just thinking on it."

"I wish you weren't so shy, my violet. You truly are beautiful. I hope your date sees that as clearly as I."

_Aww. I kinda like her._

"Can you believe this outfit?" squeaked the engineer as they exited the shop. "It's so handsome, I'm almost afraid to touch it. I guess that's everything, then. After all this time. I can… I just have to actually do it now. Y-you know there's- there's a part Junlei's been looking for. To fix up the air cycles? They only carried them on big colony ships. Like the Hope."

_Called it!_

"Par," Jay spoke gently but firmly, "making every little thing perfect won't change Junlei's feelings for you." 

"I know," she sighed. "For a while, it felt like everything I did was a little bit of help. And it meant I didn't have to ask her to be mine. Not yet. Not for real. Next time we dock with Groundbreaker, I'm doing it. I'll send Jun a message and ask her over. This is real scary, Jay. I'm grateful for all you done."

"That's what friends are for," the Captain smiled, and Felix sneaked her a quick hand squeeze. 

He grinned as he saw her nose crinkle. 

~~~

It had been a long day in Byzantium, yet again, but their last stop was the worst one. As they entered the HHC building, it was hard to hold on to the enjoyment of being an actor, chasing sprats, and outfitting Par, and far easier to remember the horrors of the Early Retirement District.

As they arrived at the executive floor, Felix was stunned to see that the door to Sophia Akande's office was open. From behind his desk, Percival simply waved them through.

_Fuck. She's right there. We could end her right now. But we still need that information…_

"I'm curious," the Adjutant forwent any greeting. "Welles may have been a delusional madman, but he risked his life to save yours. So why turn him in? 

"It's simple," answered Jay, sounding a little bored. "He was trying to use me."

"Revenge is a powerful motivator," she nodded. "Welles was thoughtless and manipulative. Turning him in was the right thing to do. You've done well. You're efficient, talented, loyal. And if you're ready to get to work we can finally start doing some good in this colony."

"And Welles? What's going to happen to him?" 

"Welles was an unfortunate mistake on our part. We let him out of our sights, and he operated from the shadows for decades. Welles has information we need. We're going to monitor his lab and show our hand when we're ready. Until then, you and I have work to do." 

"I'm listening."

"My sources tell me you've been busy on Monarch. I'm sure you've seen the miserable state of affairs there. But, lawless cesspool that it may be, Monarch has one important asset."

"The Broker." 

_Ugh. At least it's easy enough to look mildly unimpressed this time around._

"Indeed," Akande looked pleased. "All of Monarch's extra-planetary broadcasts are routed through Devil's Peak station. I want you to claim it for the Board, by force if need be. I have an agent working in Stellar Bay. Everett Gill. Have a word with him as soon as you arrive. The passphrase is: 'the kindapine grows at night'."

"The Kindapine Grows At Night?" murmured Parvati. "That's the name of a romance serial."

"Yes. So what? Look - that's not important. Get to Stellar Bay and find Everett Gill."

"I'll take care of it," nodded Jay. 

"Speak to Percival before you go. He'll arrange for your reward for turning in Welles."

Jay threw a lazy salute as she exited the room, and Felix wondered just how many bits Welles had been worth. 

_Not that they actually have him of course, but they sure are confident._

"Adjutant Akande has instructed me to reward you for information leading to the arrest of Phineas Welles," prattled the self-important clerk, handing over a bit cartridge for two thousands bits. "Please allow me to extend my felicitations on a job well done."

_So Doc Welles is worth less than a new fancy outfit from Jolicoeur's. Figures._

"Thank you, P," drawled the Captain. "I appreciate it." 

"Quite so, madam. As an acting agent of the Board, you are entitled to purchase a selection of official Board-certified equipment at a discount." 

"Don't you ever get tired of being Sophia's lackey?"

Felix fought to cover the surprise on his face as she seemingly broke character. 

_Wait… Not breaking character, being unpredictable IS the character._

"I am contractually obliged to inform you that it is an honour and a privilege to serve the Adjutant. Also I have a weakness for personalised stationery."

"Good answer," smirked Jay, sweeping back to the elevator as if she had not a care in the world. 

~~~

"So where are we headed now?" asked Max.

Felix and Parvati had been filling them in on the day's events, as Jay had wandered off murmuring to herself after eating.

"Monarch, I think," revealed Par, looking thoughtful. "Talking to Hiram should be easy enough at least."

"Anywhere but Byzantium is fine by me," drawled Ellie, putting her feet up on the table. "Though I guess we're gonna be back there soon at this rate. Sounds like everything is coming to a head." 

"Indeed," nodded Max, looking solemn. "If all goes to plan, we will change history."

"And if not, we'll all die forgotten and alone," chirped the doc, as Parvati frowned.

"Less doom and gloom, people," Felix mustered all the cheer he could into his voice and Par gave him a grateful smile.

"Oh of course," smirked Ellie. "Let's get excited about visiting Hiram. He sounds _great_." 

She leered at him and he rolled his eyes. 

~~~

"Hey boss," Felix called softly as he came into their room, shutting the door behind him with no small feeling of relief.

He realised she hadn't heard him as he came around the wall, seeing that she was sitting on the bed, still muttering to herself. 

He kicked off his boots noisily, trying to avoid startling her in silence, and he climbed over her, sitting with his back against the wall as she blinked back to reality.

"C'mere," he said softly, patting the bed between his legs, and she came over with a smile. 

He kissed her nose, and got her to sit with her back against his chest, while he began gently rubbing her shoulders, using the massage techniques he'd been so quick to learn.

"Mmm," she purred happily as his fingers worked, and he was alarmed at just how much stress she was carrying. "This I need." 

"You really do. Can't keep working yourself after a day like today, boss. I know there's a lot needing planned and worried over, but burning out won't help anyone." 

He had a million reasons why overdoing it was bad for _her_ , but he knew fine well that framing it as how it was bad for others was the most likely to sink in. 

"You're very wise sometimes, Fel'."

"Sometimes?" he quipped, making her chuckle. "I'll take it." 

Her posture gradually loosened, enough for him to feel confident to murmur that she should take her clothes off so he could do a more thorough job. She was still distracted, clearly worrying over what lay ahead, but she obeyed, looking over her shoulder with a smirk as she did so.

"Only if I get my radiator." 

He huffed a laugh and got rid of his clothes, and she sat back against him, pulling the cozy blanket up and around them.

"I'd ask if you won't get too hot like that…" he drawled, and she chuckled.

"I like being warm."

"I like you being _hot_." 

She laughed, and he grinned as her muscles relaxed further. He pushed his thumbs more firmly as he worked, eliciting soft moans, and he repeated moves that had worked before, memorising everything that seemed to help. Having her beneath his hands was one of his very favourite things, the contrast of her soft skin with the clattering of his heartbeat, her coolness being the perfect balance to his furnace.

He remembered idly once overhearing her say she was covered in scars, but it had taken him a long time to notice. Most were faint, silvered, and to him they only made her look more beautiful. Unblemished skin was only to be found in the likes of Byzantium, by the prim and puffed up. Jay was an adventurer, a hero, and her stories were written all over her.

Not all her scars were of that. He'd noted the other ones, pressing kisses to them more often, and she squeezed him tight, nuzzling into him when he did. Nobody aboard this ship had an easy past, and it was his Captain who had taught him that even invisible scars like his were nothing to be ashamed of - and that it was okay to only speak of them when ready to. 

She was purring under his hands as he determinedly worked her into a state of total relaxation, confident that for now at least, her worries were pushed a little to the side. Almost as soon as that thought went through his head though, he felt her tense a little, and decided he'd need to step up his technique.

He moved the massage from her back, up into her neck more, around her shoulders, down her arms and back. He kept one hand softly stroking the side of her neck as he pressed gentle kisses to the other side, and let his other fingers trail down her front, barely grazing her skin.

Felix kept nuzzling into her as she sighed happily, and as he pressed his hand more firmly against her body, massaging her chest, he felt her start to move back against him just slightly, subconsciously encouraging him. He was determined to focus only on her, to guide her into empty-minded bliss so she could sleep, and other than his hands and mouth, he kept perfectly still, kissing into her slowly and tenderly.

He brushed his fingers further down, and her breath hitched slightly as he encouraged her legs apart a little, allowing him access for the last stage of his massage.

"Fel'," she breathed his name, purring a little, and he nuzzled into her.

"Just relax, love. Let me take care of you." 

"Mhm…" 

He was hyperaware of every point in her back that had carried tension, watching her neck for any sign of stiffness coming back, and he used that to keep himself at a perfectly slow pace as he circled his fingers, dipping into the wetness, but not entering her.

He murmured soft praise as he worked, telling her how beautiful, perfect, wonderful she was, how much he loved her, everything he loved about her, and she was moaning quietly rather than gasping, trembling a little instead of tensing, as he brought her slowly, slowly… 

Her back arched as she came, and he fought hard to hide his worry as he saw tears falling from her eyes. He held her close, soothing her, and once she could move he directed her to lie down in bed properly, wrapping her in his arms as she tucked her head against his neck.

"Happy tears," she said softly, and he squeezed her, relieved. "Or tears of stress I needed to be rid of. Or both… I feel good, puppy." 

"I'm glad," he stroked through her hair gently. "Time for sleep, love."

"But, what about you-?" 

"I've got everything I need," he interrupted, pulling back a little and kissing her nose.

"But I-" 

"Nope. Gotta do what I say this time, boss." 

He smirked at her and she huffed a laugh. 

"You are the worst," she pouted, already too sleepy to protest any further. 

"Mhm." 

"And the best. Thank you, Fel'. For everything." 

"It's what I'm here for," he smiled as she turned in his arms, cuddling back against him in her favourite sleeping position. "Love you, beautiful."

"Love you too, sweetheart." 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sell Sell Sell by Barenaked Ladies
> 
> A movie's made, a war is won  
> A low-speed chase, a smoking gun  
> Distracts us while the actor takes the stand
> 
> Buy, buy, buy, buy  
> Sell, sell, sell  
> How well you learn  
> To not discern  
> Who's foe and who is friend  
> We'll own them all in the end


	31. Your Healing Hands

Felix couldn't tell if Monarch was improving, or if he was just getting used to the place. They made good time travelling from Fallbrook to Devil's Peak, as Nyoka led them up the side of the mountain, avoiding the caverns.

Jay had decided there was no need to seek out the contact in Stellar Bay, given that they already had direct access to the broker himself. The crew's preference for the not entirely legal gambling town of Fallbrook sealed the deal. 

Hiram's security had at least thinned the numbers of the local wildlife, and Felix heaved a sigh of relief at the lack of marauders this time around, not trusting the same mercenaries to prevent history repeating itself.

"So much for peace and quiet…" sighed Hiram dramatically as they entered the control centre of his lair. "Would it kill the universe to cut me some slack?" 

His expression didn't quite match his dour words, the man clearly pleased to see his favourite captain again, and Felix could feel his own annoyance flickering to life. 

"I'm here to _shut down_ all illegal interplanetary broadcasts on behalf of the _Board_ ," began Jay, a very slight odd note to her voice that Felix couldn't quite place. 

"Allow me to assure you that I know _absolutely_ nothing about any allegedly illegal broadcasts," Hiram replied, sounding slightly amused and also, just slightly… odd. "Surely, the _Board_ is aware of that. They must know I'd never involve myself in such _despicable_ activities. There's utterly no reason to arrest anyone in this broadcast station, let alone me. In fact, you're doing me a _favour_ by helping me disable any alleged such broadcasts. If they exist. _You_ could do me another favour by mentioning my _loyalty_ to the Board in your report."

Felix blinked in surprise. 

"Aw, damn it, Hiram. You were so close. I was just starting to like you."

"I'm not sure whether to be touched or insulted by that," the broker smirked, before turning back to Jay. "Look, you never met a man more _willing_ to work with the board than me… I know _we_ can come to an agreement. Please."

"You're laying it on a little thick," the Captain was amused. 

"Am I? Odd, because I cannot possibly fathom what you mean. Reckon this cartridge I found… _lying_ around… containing a not insignificant sum of bits might lay it on to the _right_ thickness?" 

"I reckon it would, yep," Jay nodded, relaxing her stance.

"Excellent. Yes, that is reassuring to hear, indeed. I am glad _we_ could come to an _understanding_ ," Hiram winked at her, and Felix felt completely lost. 

_Wait, are they having a conversation inside a conversation? They're leaning on words all weird._

He glanced at Nyoka who didn't seem to have noticed anything out of the ordinary. The broker went on to acknowledge Jay had of course already shut down the very same transmissions. 

"I suppose it won't _kill_ me to work under Sophia," he continued, smirking when Jay nodded. "I am on familiar terms with her from a - lets call it a past _contract_ job. As I am now _inextricably_ in the Board's _service_ , I'd say we're done here. Unless, of course, _you_ require anything further?"

"I think we've covered everything _acceptably_ ," smiled the Captain. 

"Give my _regards_ to Sophia, won't you?" 

"Oh, I will." 

~~~

Felix held his tongue on the subject until they were back in the safety of the Unreliable, fairly sure Jay was suspicious she was being surveyed, even as he couldn't work out how that would be possible.

He hated that Hiram's obvious interest in the Captain got to him. The fact he knew he had nothing to worry about seemingly did nothing to curb his insecurity around a person more smart and charming than the average admirer. 

_And the fact they have a whole lot of work stuff in common and seem to speak each other's language doesn't exactly help._

"Ada, is everyone on board?" Jay called as they entered the ship.

_< "Affirmative, Captain.">_

"Please set a course for the Groundbreaker." 

_< "Certainly, Captain.">_

The ship hummed into life as Nyoka pulled a face, and headed for the alcohol she preferred to space-sickness.

"You think we were being monitored, boss?" Felix couldn't contain his curiosity any longer.

"It's fairly likely," nodded Jay as she stowed her weapons. "Akande had details of what we'd been up to here previously on her desk, and some of it was too accurate. Hiram's place should be unbuggable, but if he wasn't anticipating it…" 

"I got the impression you were having two different conversations at the same time," he said as they entered their cabin, trying to keep his tone even. "Though I don't think anyone that didn't know you real well would have picked up on it." 

"Hah, good!" she laughed, flopping on the bed and pushing her boots off. "Being a broker I expected him to be good at that, but he was even better than I thought. Made it a lot simpler. He's gonna pretend to work for the Board, but his loyalty is with whatever plan I am up to. He will happily lie, and in return we will deal with Akande… permanently." 

Felix had stiffened. 

_He's willing to side against the entire board for her… Which I should be celebrating dammit._

"Well, I guess the latter _is_ part of the plan," he acknowledged, a little too begrudgingly as he sat down on the bed, "and… loyalty to you is.. good…"

Jay wrapped her arms around him from behind, and he realised she'd sat up, noticing his discomfort.

"What's wrong, puppy?" she murmured, and he felt the burning of shame within, strangling his words in his throat.

"... Can we cuddle?" he managed.

"Of course," she squeezed him and let go, pulling back the covers and getting into bed properly. 

He kicked off his boots, and climbed in next to her, relieved when she opened her arms for him and held him tight. He hid his face in her neck, trying to relax his body and get a handle on his unruly thoughts.

_I don't want her to think she did anything wrong. It's my issue, not hers. My baggage. Which he probably doesn't have. One of the most powerful people in the system, who never picks sides that aren't his own, but happy to go against the entire fucking Board for her. Which is good. It's GOOD. I should be fucking happy._

"I've got you, Fel'," she murmured softly, petting his hair, and he squeezed her, feeling ill. 

_I don't deserve her. He shouldn't make me jealous. I'm being so fucking petty. He's rich and powerful and he makes her smile and amuses her, and she's not…_

He swallowed hard. 

_She's not charming him. She's being herself. That's why it fucking bothers me. How am I such a shitty-_

"You okay, sweetheart?" 

Felix could hear the worry in her voice, and the wave of self-hatred was getting too big for him to cope with. Saying nothing was only adding to her stress. 

"I… fuck," he pulled back a little, not able to meet her eyes but not wanting to muffle himself. "My head won't shut up. It's not- I know what I'm thinking isn't right, isn't reality. So I feel shit for even thinking the things in the first place, but I can't get them to stop and I just-" 

He cut himself off with a huff of frustration, knowing he wasn't making any sense.

"Well," Jay spoke slowly, thoughtfully, "why don't you tell me what the thoughts are, and maybe that will help them stop?" 

The panic must have shown on his face, as she quickly kissed his cheek.

"I won't judge you, Fel'. You say you know these things aren't reality, and that's important. I'm not gonna assume these are thoughts you want to have."

"I- okay. I am sorry, I need to say that," he glanced at her quickly and she nodded. "Okay. I'm… jealous. And insecure I guess. I know I mentioned early that I struggled with feeling jealous before we got together. And since then, that pretty much disappeared. I know how you feel about me, and that's all I need."

He found her hand with his, and she squeezed in reassurance.

"But one of the people I get jealous about… is Hiram. And again, I know I don't need to be. But, turns out that jealousy is still there. Even though I don't want it to be."

He could feel heat emanating from his face, but she stroked her thumb over his hand, soothingly.

"So you're feeling bad, about feeling jealous," she said softly. "Feeling bad in what way?" 

"That I'm being petty. That my past shit is getting in the way. That I can't keep it inside and I'll end up worrying you, and it's not your fault. That- that he doesn't have the baggage I do, and maybe he's more deserving of you-" 

His words were coming out rushed, like he couldn't stop once he'd started. 

"-and he makes you smile, makes you happy like I do, and if I don't have that as my selling point, and you don't use your charm with him, you're just you, and that's what he's drawn to like I was, it's proper feelings not surface stuff and…" 

He caught a hold of himself as his voice broke, his whole body completely rigid. 

"Oh, Fel'," Jay wrapped her arms back around him, stroking his hair. "That's a lot to have circling your mind..."

_She's not angry. I don't deserve-_

"The fact you make me smile isn't a 'selling point', sweetheart, it's just one of many things that makes up the big reason why I love you - because you're _you_ -" 

Felix felt his heart thump painfully. 

"-I don't play the charmer with Hiram because he'd see right through it. But I'm not my full self either, as I don't trust him. Which is no slight on him, I don't trust most people, and I'm sure he doesn't trust me. I'm not interested in him at all that way."

She kissed his forehead, and he pulled back to look at her, to apologise-

"And you don't ever need to feel bad about needing reassurance, love," she said firmly. "Jealousy is a normal emotion, it doesn't make you a bad person. I know you have an understandable fear of being left, puppy, and it _is_ understandable given what you've gone through. I'm not ever going to blame you for feeling that way, okay?" 

"I…" he looked at her, a little lost, searching, and she smiled.

"I love you, Felix. I am only yours. And you deserve to be loved, to be happy, no matter how difficult your thoughts and feelings get. You're my _everything_."

She kissed him softly and he rolled onto his back, pulling her with him as he deepened the kiss. His thoughts had been scattered, every point shot down by her words, by her surety, and he knew without a doubt that if he tried to speak he would end up a crying mess. He took a leaf from her book instead, and kissed his feelings into her. His hands drifted down her body, pushing gently on the pressure points on her back that made her purr, and worshipping her curves. 

Jay gave a slight moan into his mouth as he kissed her harder, and when she started to grind slightly, he growled happily, his hand gripping her ass more tightly. She broke the kiss with a gasp, and he started mouthing down her neck, biting lightly.

"Too many clothes," she murmured, and he smiled goofily.

As they each raced to get naked, Felix won, and he pinned her beneath him on the bed, kissing back into her neck as she kicked the last of her clothes off. She pulled him down on top of her firmly, and his breath hitched at the contact, his hard and heavy length trapped between them. 

She kissed him fiercely, one hand in his hair while the other trailed down his front, taking him in hand. He kept kissing her as he whimpered, desperate, and broke with a loud swear as she started manoeuvring him along the outside of her, slicking him up without letting him enter. She kissed up his neck as he panted, and when her fingers tightened both in his hair and around his cock, he moaned wantonly.

He was extremely sure he could come like this if she kept going, but she was going just slow enough to keep him desperate for more.

"Nobody else gets this, love," she murmured softly against his ear. "This is _yours_ -" 

_Stars, yes-_

"-Nobody else is as good as you, as perfect as you, my good, gorgeous boy. Nobody else is my everything-" 

_Fuck fuck fuck_

"-You're _MY_ puppy."

She let go of his straining length on her last word, and he surged forward with a snarl, entering her as he kissed her hard. He had enough control not to push all the way in, getting halfway, overwhelmed by how tight she was around him. They'd done this enough times for him to know he was too much to go from zero to full, and he fluttered kisses across her face as he rocked into her, her words echoing in his mind.

He moved his hand between them and began circling gently, delighted by the pleasure flickering across her face as her breath faltered. Felix shifted his angle slightly, and she arched her back as he hit her just right, getting deeper and deeper with every thrust as he pressed his fingers more firmly, moaning as she clenched around him.

 _This_ was what he loved most of all, covering her in kisses and licks and his love while he fucked her slow, watching, hearing and feeling her climax around him, words of praise and gasped breath falling from her lips or muffled against his tongue. Every time she called him sweetheart, told him he was good, said he was _her_ puppy, he fell deeper and deeper into the warm and safe place of total devotion.

He loved it when she took control but this, along with making her come again and again on his tongue, this was what settled him and reassured him completely. He finally bottomed out as she shuddered beneath him, clenching tight. Jay kissed him hard, wildly, and he growled happily before breaking it and leaning in close by her ear.

" _Mine_."

" _Fuck_ \- yes, I'm yours," she moaned, "only yours, puppy, always-"

"I love watching you like this, love. So fucking beautiful, I want to keep you like this for hours. Coming for me over and over again."

She whimpered as he sped his fingers up the last needed bit, and she shattered beneath him, pulsing around him as he kissed into her neck. He didn't stop his hand or his hips, keeping the sensation all the way up as she mewled, and when she came for him again she nearly screamed, her whole body lifting from the bed.

"God, Fel'... so fucking good… you feel so incredible…" 

He brought his hand back up, and his breath faltered as she took his fingers in her mouth, running her tongue around him as if it was his-

_Fuck me…_

She dropped his fingers, licking her lips with a smirk, and leaned in close to his ear.

"Next time I want your cock in my mouth, sweet thing," she purred, and he groaned, speeding up his thrusts. "Want to feel you come down my throat, over and over."

" _Fuck_ -" 

Felix was losing his rhythm, and he needed, he needed… He kissed her, before leaning his forehead against hers.

"Order me, boss? Please."

"Of course, my gorgeous puppy," she smiled, and he fluttered kisses over her face. "I'm gonna give you an order to try, and if it's a no go, we'll do something else, okay?" 

She ran her fingers through his hair as she spoke, and he nodded.

"Good boy," she purred, and he sped up a little without meaning to, making her gasp. "My good, _eager_ boy. I'm gonna put my hands above my head sweetheart, and I want you to hold them in place. But, and this is important, you know I can break that hold if I wanted to."

Her last statement settled the immediate worry that had swept over him, and he nodded his agreement. She was strong enough to break a light hold, and he was doing it on her command.

Jay moved her hands, and he trailed his fingers up her arm, holding both her wrists in his left hand as lightly as he could.

"You're doing so well for me, Fel'. Can you hold them in place, puppy? Just a little at a time, don't rush."

He closed his hand a little tighter, as she kissed him, arching her body against his, and moaning her appreciation. Felix managed to get a fairly firm hold, still nowhere near what he figured she was after, but without panicking himself.

"That's it, puppy," she breathed, and he could see that her eyes had blown even further, her pulse jumping in her throat. "Is that comfortable for you, love?"

"Yeah," his voice sounded a little wrecked, but he smiled. "I'm perfect." 

"You _are_ ," she purred, her breath stuttering a little as she clenched around him, and he realised just how turned on she was. "I have two more orders for you puppy, and they're easier than that one."

He snapped his hips harder, wanting to do well, to be good.

"Please, boss," he murmured softly, and she made a happy noise at his eagerness. 

"When I say, I want you to fuck me harder, sweetheart, and I want you to kiss and bite my neck like you do-" 

He nodded.

"-but if you can, it would make me very pleased, if you make one bite hard enough to leave a mark. So when I see it in a mirror, I remember you filling me, loving me hard, making me _yours_."

_Holy shit._

Felix nodded, his heart hammering as he kept fucking her slowly. Leaving a mark, running the risk of hurting her… his immediate worry there had been dampened by her reasoning. Her want of a reminder, to know that she was _his_ …

"I can try, Jay. I want to… I can try."

"You're so good for me, puppy," she praised. "And my order is just to try, it's okay if you can't. You are amazing."

She kissed him hard, and nipped his lip ever so gently, making him gasp.

"Now, sweet thing, fuck me hard-" 

He pounded fully into her on her command, this order one he already knew well, and the pleasure slammed through him as he pulled almost entirely out of her before burying himself to the hilt. He had to fight not to tighten the grip round her wrists, but her back arching so much was making her clench even more around him, as she babbled praise and curses, urging him on. 

Felix kissed her hard, all teeth and tongue, and as he moved to kiss her neck, he dropped his other hand down her body, and her hiss at overstimulation quickly turned into the most gorgeous of moans. He wanted, badly, for her to come again before he did, and he kissed and nibbled into her neck, fucking her harder and harder as his fingers worked.

She was shuddering, pulsing around him, her voice turned to pure filth as she swore and moaned and gasped, and just as he felt her start to crest, he bit down on her neck hard, sucking the skin into his mouth, and her climax ripped through her as she screamed his name, tightening her so much he barely managed two more thrusts before he was coming inside her, fucked out of his mind.

"Holy… shit!" she panted, and he huffed a laugh into her neck, feeling completely-

_Fucked. Totally and utterly fucked._

"Fucking fuck," he croaked, letting go of her wrists, and stroking them gently. "I think I just found religion." 

Jay started giggling, and he tried to lift himself up off of her, only to realise he couldn't move.

"I would get up," he murmured, "but I think I need a minute…"

"Kiss me?" she asked, and he grinned, lifting his head up to meet her and sinking into her soft kisses. 

~~~

Felix gently stroked her shoulder with his thumb, and she let out a happy sigh as she curled up on his chest, cuddling into him. 

"Feeling better?" Jay asked softly, and he laughed.

"I feel fucking fantastic, boss. If I ever feel jealous again, remembering _that_ will either sort me out or send me for a cold shower."

"Good," she chuckled. "I hope I didn't push you too far, though-"

"No," he interrupted, "you didn't. Those aren't things I'd have done myself, but you did them in a way that stopped me worrying I'd hurt you or… y'know-"

_See myself as the people who hurt me._

"-There's a lot of stuff like that, that I haven't wanted to do because of past shit. But with you, I want to? It's just… difficult."

"Because you think I might get hurt?" she asked. "If I seem like I'm in the role you were."

"Yeah. But also stuff that's the other way round, and it has bad memories attached but it wouldn't with you except I don't know if I can without feeling weird or ashamed… Sorry, I'm not making a lot of sense."

"It's okay, sweetheart," she leaned up and kissed his neck. "Look, I'm pretty much up for anything in the bedroom department, and I'm happy to take things as slow as you need to." 

_Anything?_

"You must have some limits, love," he murmured, and she thought for a moment.

"I've never had a relationship like this one," she explained, and he looked at her in surprise. "I mean, I've done a lot of, uh, _stuff_ , but I've never been with someone I trust fully, y'know? I feel safe doing anything with you.

"I think my one limit would be that I can't be mean to you, or hurt you. I know some folk like that kind of thing, but I just… I definitely can't do that to you."

Felix squeezed her tight before rolling slightly, so they were facing each other in the bed.

_Too cute._

"I'm good with that, boss," he smiled. "Definitely not my thing, I mean I like pretty much the opposite! I guess, at the moment, I have a lot of limits. But they're stuff I want to be able to do, in time. You liked me holding you down, and I like doing things you like." 

"What about what you like?" she asked, stroking his cheek.

"Well… I like you being in charge. I like following orders. I like, sometimes, just focusing on you. Like, if I don't come at all? Or only after you have, a lot of times."

He blushed slightly, and she smiled, tangling her fingers in his hair. 

"Anything else, puppy?"

"I _really_ like the names you call me. It's funny, 'boy' is what everyone used to call me, and I never thought nothing of it. But when you use it, praising me or telling me I'm yours, it makes my mind all fuzzy. In a good way. And if anyone else calls me it now, it's the opposite, I hate it."

"Well, if anyone calls you that, I'll have to make sure they know you're _mine_." 

He growled happily, and as the memory of a recurring fantasy flashed through his mind, he blushed deeper.

"What else, Fel'?" she asked knowingly. 

"You know I don't have a preference when it comes to dating partners in general," he wasn't sure how to phrase what he meant. "And preference didn't come into it for a lot of my- um, experience isn't the right word. I just mean, obviously I've been with guys as well. And, uh…" 

She nodded, and her fingers tightened in his hair a little as realisation dawned.

"Ah, you want me to top you?" she kissed his nose, and he grinned in relief.

"Yeah. I mean, it's difficult. I don't have good memories with it. But I like parts of it at the same time? So I dunno how it'd make me feel, like if I'd feel okay or... But I really want to, with you."

"I understand," she smiled. "We can try working up to that, sweetheart."

"You are awesome," he grinned, pulling her close. "And we can do the same for me being more dominant and stuff occasionally. Your reason for wanting me to mark you was extremely fucking hot." 

He ran his finger lightly over where he'd bitten on her neck. If he'd made it harder, deeper, the guilt probably would have gnawed at him. But it wasn't too obvious, just enough for people to see it, and he was surprised by just how much he _did_ enjoy the sight of where he'd claimed her. 

She purred happily, and he kissed her slowly, enjoying being relaxed and close.

"I'm happy being in charge most of the time, puppy. I like it. But it's nice to do other stuff, with someone I feel completely safe with." 

"Mine," he murmured softly as she cuddled into him.

"Yours, Fel'. Always." 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send Them Off! by Bastille
> 
> I've got demons running round in my head  
> And they feed on insecurities I have  
> Won't you lay your healing hands on my chest?  
> Let your ritual clean
> 
> Set me free from my jealousy  
> Won't you exorcise my mind?  
> Won't you exorcise my mind?  
> I want to be free as I'll ever be  
> Exorcise my mind  
> Help me exorcise my mind


	32. Closer

"All right. She's on her way. How do I look?" 

Parvati had been flapping about for hours, trying to get everything perfect for her big date with Junlei. She had the outfit from Jolicoeur's in Byzantium, a casserole and cakes from Monarch, and his nose told him the soaps from Gladys had been used too.

Felix was sympathetic to her nerves, knowing he'd have been exactly the same if he'd had to ask Jay to be his partner.

_But luckily for me, she promoted me to boyfriend on the spot._

"You look terrific," the Captain smiled.

"Junlei is approaching now," called Felix from the doorway.

"Ha. My hands have finally stopped shaking," Par smoothed down her hair. "All right. All right. Deep breath. Here I go…" 

"We'll see you in a while," Nyoka squeezed her shoulder as she passed. 

The rest of the crew disembarked, Jay giving Junlei a friendly hello as she boarded. The master engineer looked as nervous as Par, and Felix reckoned the date would go fine.

Strolling on to the Groundbreaker, he realised his feelings about the station really had shifted a little. It no longer felt like coming home, and he didn't have to worry about any residents bringing up his past. It wasn't something he was ashamed of, but he had wanted to talk about it with Jay in his own time. Anything people might throw at him now he'd done so, he was hopeful he could simply shrug aside.

Max was shaking his head as he chuckled, listening to something the Captain was saying, and Felix took a minute to appreciate just being with the crew he loved. He didn't know what the future held once they fulfilled their main mission.

_Me and Jay are solid, but no guarantee the rest of the crew will stick around. Might not even be on the ship anymore. Max won't go back to vicaring but he'll have no shortage of offers. Ell wants her own crew. Nyoka will probably go back to Monarch, but happier. Par has a place here with Junlei…_

_It's all gonna change. If we all make it._

He shook himself mentally. It was too easy to worry about the upcoming missions, which would inevitably see them move from being somewhat covert to openly dissident. It was what they'd long known they were working towards, and everyone had their own specific worries about it.

In another life, Felix knew he would have been genuinely unconcerned, happy to throw himself into danger without hesitation. But here and now, not only did he have a future he didn't want to lose, he was far more concerned with the safety of his Captain… of Jay.

He knew she was pushing herself harder and harder, they all were, but as much as she seemingly relied on her crew, she kept everything resting on her own shoulders. Nobody was as stressed and exhausted as Jay, even as she did her best to hide it right now, to encourage the others to get some much needed downtime. 

She'd explained to him the methods of her time on Earth, that if it came down to a choice between her and saving Halcyon, she would have chosen the latter. But the crew, and their relationship, had changed things for her, that she'd now put them first.

He already worried about her prioritising her crew above herself, and the fact she'd never outright said she would no longer choose the system over herself worried him deeply. 

"Boop!" 

Felix blinked in surprise as he came back from his thoughts, realising he'd autopiloted all the way into The Lost Hope with the others, and was sat rather stiffly at a table.

He grinned at Jay, who'd tapped his nose mischievously. She more than anyone needed some stress-free time away from the pressure bearing down on her, and he relaxed his body, determined to switch into goofball mode, with all his jokes at the ready. 

"The others are getting drinks," she smiled, and before she could say anything else he leaned down, running his finger along her jawline, and kissed her, pulling her close.

She gave an involuntary soft moan, and he deepened the kiss, growling as her fingers threaded through his hair above the back of his neck.

"Oh don't mind us," drawled Ellie, putting drinks down as Nyoka cackled.

He waited a long moment before breaking the kiss, seeing Jay looking wonderfully dishevelled and dopey, and winked at her. 

"Oh, I won't."

Jay grinned goofily, still having trouble finding her words, and he wrapped an arm around her happily.

"Got new mockapple cider for you, Cap," Ellie explained, "and usuals for everyone else."

"New recipe?" asked Jay, giving the drink an experimental sniff. 

"Mhm, house special. Vera says to let her know if she's on the right track."

"How long do you think Ms Holcomb will be?" Max asked, settling into his seat.

"Not sure," the Captain shrugged. "It's a dinner date so at least a couple of hours, maybe double that." 

The ex-vicar's jaw dropped. 

"Surely it doesn't take anyone that long to eat!"

Felix snickered quietly. 

"Most of it's talking," Jay laughed, elbowing him playfully. "Wait, is dating not a thing here?" 

"You're the best placed to answer that, no?" Ellie smirked.

"Mm, we live on a ship, Ell," Felix grinned. "Not exactly a lot of date locations."

"Other than bed," quipped Jay, waggling her eyebrows, and he laughed.

"We got dating on Monarch," offered Nyoka, "though yeah, not many places to go that aren't overrun by monsters. But to the bar or for food? Sure."

"Yeah, there's a bit on Groundbreaker," Ellie nodded, "but I wouldn't say it's common at all. Most folk skip straight to the sex."

"Bit different when you're asking someone to be your girlfriend I suppose," conceded Max. "I can understand wanting to make that more of a, well, _date_."

"I don't remember Felix doin' all this for you, Cap," teased Ellie, and Felix huffed a laugh.

"That's because I asked _him_ ," Jay smirked as the doc downed her wine, making Felix grin. 

"Well, your taste is still questionable, but you two _are_ good for each other. I'm gonna get more booze."

"Wow," murmured Felix in amusement once she was out of earshot. "That was almost a compliment. I knew she liked me, really."

~~~

Felix was a little drunk, and extremely happy. Parvati had come to join them after her successful date, and celebrating her newly official relationship had of course kept them in the bar longer.

Jay had hopped up onto his lap, which was his main source of happiness, and he'd let himself feel a little smug when those who had been trying to attract her attention had given widened eyes to her obvious choice of partner. He was relieved that his jealousy was nowhere to be found anyway, and it had been fun seeing both Ellie and Nyoka mercilessly turn people down.

_Though remembering just why I ain't jealous ain't exactly keeping me focused, ahem._

Eventually Ellie had left with a 'friend' she knew, and it was getting past time to head back to the ship.

"I'll get Jay and catch you up," he nodded to Max and Nyoka, who were keen to ensure Parvati got back to the ship with minimal harassment.

The Captain had got caught in conversation at the bar, and he realised as he approached that a handsome stranger had joined her discussion with Vera, the bar owner. 

Felix could tell that Jay was slightly annoyed with the man, not that anyone else would have been able to notice, and he smirked as he came up behind her, growling his voice low.

"Hey, beautiful."

She half-turned and leaned back with a smile and he leaned down and kissed her, his hand resting lightly against her throat as her pulse started to race under his touch. 

As Jay ran her tongue along his lip, deepening the kiss, he vaguely heard the man scoff and leave, and Vera chuckle. He grinned as she pulled back, eyes blown, and when she turned fully her expression became mischievous as she felt exactly how turned on he was too.

"Home time?" she purred. 

"Damn right."

~~~

They were just drunk enough to have got lost on the way back to the ship, though Felix was pretty sure that was also down to them stopping to make out every ten seconds, and him having to convince a pouting Captain that they could not in fact just have sex in the middle of the promenade.

Instead of going straight through the main entrance to the docking bay, they'd got turned around into a side room stacked with crates that seemed deserted.

_Somehow this place feels a lot different now than when I worked here…_

Jay gave the softest moan as he kissed her against the wall of crates, and he bucked into her slightly, dizzy with just how much he wanted her.

"Fuck… nobody can see us in here, right?" she asked, and he laughed, taking her by the hand, and pulling her round another corner to the one spot he knew the security cameras didn't catch. 

" _Now_ they can't, boss," he smirked, making her grin. 

He pinned her again, kissing her hard as he undid the front of her lower armour, and the thought suddenly occurred that maybe she was drunker than he was, to not have known to look for the camera blindspot. As she carded her fingers into his hair though, he realised with utter certainty that given her previous thorough casing of the place, she was absolutely aware they hadn't been in a blindspot, she just didn't _care_.

_Fuck me-_

Felix pushed her clothes out the way and sank to his knees, diving in with his tongue.

" _Fel'-!_ "

She barely managed to muffle herself, and he moaned into her, feeling very smug with just how wet he'd made her. He entered her carefully with his finger, opening her up for another, and instead of his usual slow teasing, he went hard and fast, fucking her on his hand as his tongue worked magic. He impressed himself by undoing her boots and taking them off at the same time, pushing them to one side, and getting her clothes out the way so she could spread her legs properly, giving him the full access he desired. 

Jay was trembling all over as she got close, and as she came, her legs went weak, and he braced her thigh on his shoulder, insistently continuing his work.

Her hand was reassuringly tight in his hair, but not controlling him, letting him take the lead, and he felt his own heartbeat thundering through his body as he devoured her. 

He teased her second climax out a little longer, and when her muscles clamped around his fingers, he sucked hard, and realised just in time she was about to fall over as her orgasm took over.

_Whoops!_

He caught her as he stood, and lifted her around his waist, leaning her back against the wall as he kissed her, grounding her, and Jay purred into his mouth, her fingers tangling in his hair.

"Fuck… me," she panted as he pulled back, and he huffed a laugh. 

"That's the plan, boss." 

She licked her lips as she locked her ankles behind his back, and she unzipped him, helping him push his own clothing out of the way. He felt hypersensitive as he pulled his straining cock free - he'd been hard since Jay had first jumped into his lap at the bar, and from the occasional sly wiggle of her hips through the evening, he knew fine well she'd been very aware.

The guy at the bar hadn't worried him in the slightest, but kissing her in front of him, _claiming_ her, had him swimming in feelings of possessiveness that she clearly enjoyed. 

He stroked her face, and she caught his fingers on her tongue, sucking on them wantonly, tasting herself, and he groaned as his hard length twitched. Her eyes were totally blown, and he smirked, her action confirming that she was indeed feeling submissive.

Felix leaned in next to her ear, pitching his voice low.

"So eager, darlin'. You must be wanting my cock so bad-" 

"Fuck, _yes_ …" 

"-Stars, you drive me wild, sweetheart. So gorgeous, and all _mine_. You want me to fuck you hard?"

He teased himself against her entrance as he spoke, delighted by how slick she was still. 

" _Please_ , Fel', please, _please_..." 

His heart lurched in his chest. 

"You sound beautiful when you beg, love," he growled, mouthing at her neck as he kept up the relentless teasing, making her pant. "How hard do you want me to go, gorgeous?" 

"As much as you can," she pleaded, before gasping as he pushed just inside her, holding himself just barely breached. "Fuck, _fuck_ , please fuck me hard, _please_ , Fel', please, please, _please_ -" 

_Holy shit._

Nobody _ever_ heard his Captain like this, she was always in control of every situation, easily wrapping everyone around her little finger, but now she was pleading, begging him, trusting him, whimpering just for him-

Felix met her eyes as he stroked her hair lovingly. 

"Give me a word," he managed, pleasure shooting through him from where she tightened around the tip of his cock, "that means you want to stop."

"Um…" her eyes were slightly unfocused, and he reminded himself he probably often looked the same for her. "Elephant?" 

"Good," he praised, and she smiled. "If you need me to stop, for any reason, you say 'elephant', okay?"

"Okay. I will." 

"In that case," he dropped his voice back to a growl, and she shuddered, clenching around him, "I'm gonna fuck you through these damn crates." 

She moaned softly, and as he slammed into her he felt her teeth on his shoulder, through his shirts as she muffled herself, her nails digging into his upper arms, and when she pulled back, he saw just how beautifully blissed out she looked, still struggling to stay quiet.

"You feel… so fucking amazing, sweetheart," he growled, pulling her down the wall as he fucked into her hard. "I've wanted you so much… all night."

"Yours," she whimpered, and he ran his hand down her body, just above where he was hammering into her, making her back arch immediately.

" _Mine_." 

Felix realised she was extremely close to coming, and with a huge effort he kept his fingers moving that bit too slowly, leaning in to murmur in her ear as he kept filling her again and again.

"Do you want me to let you come, sweetheart?"

"Oh _fuck_ \- yes, yes, yes…" she babbled on repeat and he licked up the shell of her ear.

"You want to come on my cock, darlin'?"

" _Please_ , Fel', please, please…"

"Stars, you are so… _fucking_ … beautiful for me." 

He pressed his fingers harder, moving them more quickly, and at the same time he fucked her truly as hard as he could, mouthing into her neck, waiting til she was right on the brink…

Her whole body tensed further and further, as she gasped and stuttered, her nails digging hard enough into his arms to leave bruises even through his clothes, and Felix could feel his own climax threatening to crash through him, he'd held it back too long already- he felt her start to crest suddenly, and he bit into her neck, a little higher than last time, and sucking far harder, too strung out on sheer pleasure to hesitate, as his orgasm slammed through him, whitening out his vision.

~~~

When he came back to himself, Felix blinked in confusion. He was on the floor somehow, his back to the wall, with a boneless Jay in his lap, cuddled into him. His cock twitched, and he grinned realising he was still inside her, before worry flickered to life at her lack of movement.

He stroked her hair, and was relieved at the happy noise she softly made.

"Comfy?" he asked, his voice a little shaky.

"Very," she croaked, sounding totally wrecked. 

"You okay, love?" and she must have heard the note of concern in his voice, sitting back to look at him.

"Very," she smiled, looking both extremely happy and extremely fucked.

Her hair was all mussed, her lips very kissed, she had a gorgeous mark on her neck, and her eyes were sparkling. 

_Gorgeous_. 

Her body however, was overly tired, a feeling Felix could more than relate to. He kissed her, and she melted against him, purring quietly.

"I love you." 

"I love you too, Fel'. More than anything."

"We should get home," he murmured, and she pouted making him chuckle. "I know, but better to fall asleep in bed rather than half naked in public, boss."

"You talk far too much sense," she huffed, and he kissed her nose.

"I'll give you a piggyback." 

"Yeah?" she brightened considerably. 

"Yup!" 

~~~

By the time they reached the Unreliable they were both giggling again, loudly shushing each other. Jay slid down off his back and would have promptly fallen over if he hadn't had the presence of mind to expect it.

"You know," Felix smirked as he carried her on to the ship, "pretty sure we're meant to get married before I carry you over the threshold."

"Is the threshold the ship door or the room door?"

He chuckled as he carried her up the stairs, and into their cabin. 

"Mmm… well, now I've done both, so we're double married. Pretty sure that's how it works."

He put her down on the bed, and helped her undress before chucking his own clothes aside and burrowing under the covers next to her.

"I'm very glad my husband is a radiator," Jay murmured sleepily as he wrapped around her. 

Felix grinned, as his heart crashed inside his chest.

"Alas, I don't think we're actually married yet," he kissed the back of her neck.

"Aww," she was on the very point of falling asleep, her words slightly slurred. "We'll do that next time then." 

It took him a little longer to fall asleep, as he lay there beaming in the dark.

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Closer by Nine Inch Nails
> 
> You let me violate you  
> You let me desecrate you  
> You let me penetrate you  
> You let me complicate you


	33. Consequence

When Felix woke up, the ship was on the move. The next stop was undoubtedly Byzantium, and as he hauled himself out of bed he realised Jay was probably already back in planning mode, either at the table or down in the Nav room.

He pulled some clothes on and wandered along to the kitchen, where Max and Nyoka looked horribly hungover, while Ellie teased them mercilessly.

"No more, please," groaned the ex-vicar as he saw Felix approaching. "My head hurts too much to deal with you winding me up as well."

"Hey, Felix" Ellie chirped loudly, as the others grumbled. "Hungover much?"

"I'm alright, actually," he grinned as he sat down with some cereal, and her face fell. "Jay kept reminding me to drink water. Reckon I slept it off." 

"Ugh water," sighed Nyoka. "I never seem to do that. I mean, I like being drunk, clearly, but I hate the hangover."

"How's Par?" asked Felix.

"Oh, she's fine," Ellie grinned. "Been singing 'n' dancing down in the engine room. Upgrading Sam again. Cap's with Ada, drawing up plans."

"Mm," nodded Max, "seems like we're visiting Minister Clarke and the chimerical scientist next."

"Mad scientists, my favourite kind," scowled the hunter. "Turning people into rapts, and experimenting on themselves… I'm not big into bounty hunting but I don't see a problem with getting rid of that one."

"Killing her for being an alien would certainly not be my preference," mused the ex-vicar, "and I suppose she hasn't hurt anyone outside her own team, who volunteered - if the logs can be believed. But, her work _is_ monstrous."

"And it's bad science apparently," offered Felix, and Max nodded. 

"It is indeed. Board-backed science pushes practical repetition over theoretical success. If something doesn't work, repeat it until it does. No matter the human cost."

"Makes sense if all the big-brained scientists were on the Hope," Nyoka said quietly. "I kinda wonder how we have anything that works." 

"It was pretty obvious in med school," Ellie looked serious for once. "Everything we're taught is old shit. Why try and cure new diseases when instead you can dole out the perfect nose job hundreds of fucking times? We're just lucky every colony ship had to have a sizeable medical staff. But no researchers."

"We're running out of doctors now too though," pointed out Felix. "They're tryna train SAMs to do surgery. And I mean, no offence to our Sam, but I wouldn't trust him to do that. Halfway through he'd freak out about the number of dust molecules and flamethrower his patient." 

"All the more reason our mission has to succeed," sighed Max. 

Felix reckoned all the members of the crew had changed in their time together, whether through solving their own dilemmas, or working together as a team towards goals they agreed with. But the ex-vicar had perhaps changed the most, from the prickly watchful priest he'd first met, to the hyperviolent chaotic individual he'd worked beside, to the spaced out philosophical hippy he'd briefly turned into, and now the more considered, thoughtful Max who was a huge support to the Captain.

The weight and pressure of what lay before them rested heavily on Jay's shoulders, and Max put a lot of effort into helping her work through problems, to be sure she was seeing things from every possible angle. She worried a lot about her own perspective becoming corrupted, and the ex-vicar's newfound balance after whiplashing from one extreme end of the political spectrum to the other, was very helpful.

He also spent a lot less time picking fights with Felix, and the younger man had to admit he didn't wind Max up nearly as much as he used to.

_But I mean, a little is fair game. Especially about tossball…_

_< "We are now in orbit above Byzantium.">_

_Show time._

~~~

Parvati was excited that their first stop was Jolicoeur's, eager to thank the designer again for her outfit that Junlei had called 'elegant'.

Apparently, before their last departure from Byzantium, the Captain had authorised a shipment to the shop comprised of some rugged armour pieces and rarer monster items. Celeste's dream project was to fashion a new type of outfit, to 'revolutionise the fashion of Byzantium'.

It was a gentle start to what promised to be a challenging day, and Felix smiled to himself as he leaned against the railings overlooking the plaza, waiting on his crewmates. Fashion was not his forte, though he appreciated Jay's eye for it. Her crew were highly armoured, and fine to look at, though the eyes of Byzantium judged him the same as always. 

The city folk had a particular look, due to societally expected plastic surgery, and a limited choice of hair styles and makeup looks deemed acceptable. The effect was somewhat chilling, as the diversity of Halcyon gave way to a settlement of people he could scarcely tell the difference between.

_Post-Board life will hit this place hard. So much excess, and so little real worth…_

"Hey, handsome." 

He grinned as he turned, his eyes drawn to where he'd marked her the night before. 

"Fancy meeting you here," he drawled as Jay smirked.

"We gotta stop by the parcel service on the way to Mr Clarke's," Par revealed as he fell into step with them. "Ms Jolicoeur's got a small thing needing picked up." 

"Oof," he frowned, "ain't that the place Ell called a nightmare of pointless bureaucracy?" 

"Yup," smirked Jay, "which is why I'm going to sneak in the back door instead. It's in that same place we met the sprat man." 

~~~

"This whole town gives me the creeps something awful," Parvati murmured as they waited on their Captain, "but I do like Celeste. She's as fancy as the rest but she's real interested in the world beyond these walls." 

"That why she wanted armour that's only found in particular places?" asked Felix, appreciative of the distraction.

"I think so. She wanted to see what marauders, Iconoclasts, and spacers wear. And she's gonna combine it somehow, into something new? She's real excited anyway. Though I don't think she's gonna manage to persuade Jay to model it for her." 

"I dunno, if we do another serial piece maybe she could wear it in a scene in that. Brands probably pay a whole lot to be on screen." 

"Oh, that's true!" Par grinned, before frowning. "Though I'm not sure what'll happen to serials after all, y'know, _this_."

_The mission._

"I'm sure folk'll find a way to continue them. I mean, even here right under the Board's nose, we found someone making new art, albeit in an expensive way. Lots of terrible things happened in Earth's history, and they never stopped making entertainment." 

"You've been doing more reading on Earth?"

"Hah, yeah," Felix blushed slightly. "Anything the Board doesn't want us to read has to be good, right?" 

"Mhm," she smirked at him, "and that's the _oooonly_ reason, right?" 

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up." 

"Aww, I think it's cute!" 

_Par, the romance fan. Actually…_

"Hey, you read a lot of romance stuff, right?" he asked, and she nodded. "Do you know anything about how, uh, proposing marriage used to go back on Earth?"

He didn't think he'd ever experienced such instant regret, as Parvati squealed loudly, her eyes as wide as dinner plates.

The door suddenly opened, and Jay came out, looking a little dazed.

"Everything okay?" he asked, after throwing a stern look at the engineer, who was trying her best to act normal.

"Yeah, I just had to time-zip a lot - did I hear screaming?"

"Just Par being Par." 

"Ah, gotcha. Well, I've got a parcel here for Minister Clarke too, so let's go see him next."

As Felix fell into step slightly behind her, he put his fingers to his lips as he looked at Par, and she nodded, still grinning widely. 

~~~

Between the stolen keycard and the holographic shroud, getting to the well guarded Minister of Earth had been ridiculously easy.

This was the man whose signature was all over the paperwork for the chemicals they needed, but who also didn't seem to have been seen in person for some number of years. Felix was half expecting to find only a terminal named Minister Clarke. 

He wasn't sure where Jay had swiped the ID cartridge that made them appear as Clarke's own security detail, but he was pretty sure the shroud wouldn't work nearly so well without the Captain's confidence, as she radiated disdain at the various guards.

_Wait, the cartridge must be from that drunk trooper in the bar, the one she left snoring._

She swept up the stairs and into a side room, pausing briefly as Felix closed the door behind them. There was another door at the end of the room, and he was willing to bet it led directly to the Minister.

"Be ready," murmured Jay, as she switched the shroud off. "This guy is a complete unknown."

He nodded, checking his rifle was within easy reach. Par moved behind him as the Captain opened the door. The room beyond was long, and pretty dark, with a solitary figure behind a desk, who didn't seem particularly alert.

Jay had to step almost in front of him to get his attention, and Clarke seemed surprised but not terribly alarmed at all.

"How did you get in here?" he asked, looking a little impressed. "You're not one of my guards… what are you doing here?" 

Before Jay could speak, the man rambled on. 

"If this is about another aetherwave clip or radio spot, you may kindly 'fuck off', as the parlance goes. I'm not doing any more."

"Seems like we're getting off on the wrong foot," drawled Jay, relaxing a little.

"Have I not made myself clear? Slowly and loudly, Aloysius. That's the only way these morons understand anything-" 

_Hey!_

"-I said you may tell Charles to GO FUCK HIMSELF."

_Not a fan of the Chairman then…_

"Calm down," Jay arched an eyebrow. "I'm just here to ask you some questions."

"Then… you're not part of Rockwell's PR team? That means… you're a dissident? A real, live dissident?" 

The minister seemed ecstatic. 

"Finally!" grinned Felix, as the Captain chuckled. "High time we got the recognition we deserve."

"And so affable!" Clarke positively cooed. "Why, you're nothing like the crazed hooligans the Board loves to caricature. But what are you doing here? And how did you get in?" 

"I'm here looking for the dimethyl sulfoxide-" began Jay, but Clarke immediately interrupted, leaping to his feet. 

"Drugs, of course. What else? Why did I get my hopes up? Back to idiot-speak. I don't have any drugs. You should try a vending matching or a purveyor of curative goods."

The Captain rolled her eyes, losing patience.

"I ain't buying it, boss. I say we check him for drugs."

Jay snorted as Clarke looked apprehensive. 

"They're not drugs, they're chemicals," she explained. "Chemicals the Board has been stockpiling at an alarming rate. And if you haven't been ordering them, who has?" 

The minister sat back down, deep in thought. 

"Process of elimination. The only other person with access… Of course, of course! It's Rockwell again, who else? And I thought he was only holding me here to keep me out of the way…" 

_Wait-_

"The Chairman has you under house arrest?" Jay beat him to the question. 

"You are a quick study, indeed! I've long suspected Rockwell of transacting business in my name, but this proves it."

"So the Chairman's a crook who can't be trusted," drawled Felix, with full sarcasm. "Who knew." 

"Please, this is important!" cried Clarke. "Whatever it is that brought you here, Rockwell's the one behind it."

"Why would he go through all this trouble?" asked Jay, sitting on the desk. 

"How should I know? I've been under house arrest for years! But there is a way to find out. And perhaps to set things right. Whatever Rockwell's doing, he'll be doing it from the HHC headquarters. Your best lead is to look for details in his office."

"If by 'look for details', he means 'knock things about and take what we like', count me in, boss."

"That's certainly one way of doing things. Far be it from me to dictate your methods." 

"This all feels off, Captain," Parvati murmured. "Like when there's a storm coming, but everything's quiet and still." 

"Believe me, things have been 'off' for a very long time - rife with the worst sort of corruption," sighed Clarke, before perking up. "Why, this is starting to sound like an issue of Dissident Hunter."

"You seem a little excited by this," Jay sounded surprised.

"Are you not?" grinned Felix. "We're talking about busting into the Chairman's office, here."

"We're discussing industrial espionage! Legal redress!" Clarke exclaimed. "The possible salvation of Halcyon! Is this not exhilarating? Also, this is the longest conversation I've had with someone else in quite some time."

"Well, it's good to have you on our side," nodded Jay.

"I dearly hope I'm not imagining this. Now, we've got to get into the HHC. That's in the Acropolis District, along with the other major corporate and government facilities. But only Board employees are allowed into the district - there's a heavily guarded checkpoint just down the street-

"It's fine," the Captain interrupted. "I already have a way in."

"Oh, good!" the minister looked surprised. "Well, when you get there, this access card should get you up to the executive suites. Where the Chairman's office and what used to be my office are."

"How did you manage to hold on to your access card?" asked Felix. 

"The Board's lackeys are none too bright. I simply claimed I'd lost it and hid it somewhere no one would think to look."

"Uhh. Do I want to know?" 

"I merely hid it in a book. No one reads anything longer than a few pages around here. There are a few advantages to dealing with imbeciles."

"Well, thanks for your help," Jay got up to leave. 

"Wait!" the minister cried, rummaging in his desk. "Rockwell has one of the only terminals capable of transmitting to the Earthbound message drone. This is our chance. Please, take this and transmit it from his office. Rockwell hasn't given me any message from Earth for years - he's desperate to keep me out of contact with the Earth Directorate. But they need to know what's happening here."

Felix glanced at the Captain, wondering if she'd point out that perhaps _nobody_ had heard from Earth in at least three years. 

"What's on the cartridge?" she asked, pocketing it. 

"What ISN'T on it is the real question! I've gathered meeting minutes, internal messages, sustainability reports, and more, all exposing the corruption and mismanagement plaguing Halcyon. Once the rest of the Earth Directorate sees it, they'll have to send help."

Felix whistled appreciatively. 

"You're telling us you gathered up a whole mess of evidence on the Board's corruption? How big is this cartridge, again?" 

"Large enough, I assure you. That's why you must transmit the data to the Earth Directorate and hope for their speedy intervention."

"How long will that take?" asked Par. 

"Depending on the nature of their intervention? Months, at least. Perhaps years. Organising and sending personnel all the way out here is no mean feat."

"That's not enough," Jay shook her head. "We have to take action." 

_Damn right._

"You are a bold one, indeed," said Clarke, genuinely. "But boldness may not be enough. Unfortunately, the Earth Directorate - as distant as it may be - is the only power with the reach to curb the Board's excesses."

"Well, I don't mean to sit around and wait."

"This is most heartening!" the minister grinned. "How I wish I could join your escapades. Unfortunately, there is little else I can do from here, and my celebrity would only imperil you."

"Oh, I almost forgot," Jay held out the man's parcel. "I've brought you something from HPS."

"How delightful! What is it?" 

"It's a parcel," she replied dryly as he tore open the packaging. 

"The latest issue of Dissident Hunter!" Clarke whooped. "I'd been waiting for this. Most of what passes for 'entertainment' here is appalling."

"What's your thing with dissidents and Dissident Hunter, anyway?" 

"Are you telling me you haven't read one?" he gasped. "They're fabulously entertaining!" 

"Gotta side with the Minister on that one, boss," smiled Felix. "Dissident Hunter is a work of genuine culture." 

"Also, they're a surprisingly useful means of ascertaining what's going on in the broader colony. The Board's most pressing grievances tend to feature heavily as the problem of the week. Sometimes it's factory strikes, other times it's dissenters." 

"I knew it!" Felix said triumphantly. 

"I've got every back issue of Dissident Hunter in that bookcase over there, if you want to look?" 

"Um, yes please!" 

Felix busied himself looking over the collection while Jay and Par finished up with the minister. 

~~~

With the shroud reset, leaving would be a simple matter of walking straight out. As the Captain tightened her boot, Felix took the chance to ask the Minister of Earth one last question. 

"Why are you helping us?" 

"Because someone must!" Clarke exclaimed, surprising him. "Halcyon is headed for a collapse, and no one seems inclined to do anything about it." 

"I'm inclined to do something about it," he shrugged. "Just give me a tossball stick and ten minutes alone with the Chairman." 

Clarke barked a laugh. 

"A fine thought, but I'm afraid you underestimate how deep these problems run. And how long they've persisted. Still. A change is needed, before things become truly catastrophic." 

Felix wasn't sure quite what to make of the man as they left his home and prison. He seemed sincere enough, and it was true that nobody had actually seen the minister in the flesh for a long time. Instead there was constant propaganda about how he and the Chairman were on tour, posters bearing his face and approval, but no evidence of the man himself.

_If he's really been locked away for years, it's surely because he ain't like no other politician I've heard of. He's a desk man clearly, but his ideals maybe do align more with ours than with the corporations._

If the Board truly was torn down, perhaps Clarke stood in a good position to move things forward as leader.

_Because I'll be damned if they make Jay do it. She's shouldered more than enough responsibility for this system._

~~~

"I like him, I think," mused Parvati as they headed towards Jolicoeur's. "If he's a liar, he's a real good one."

"He definitely wasn't what I was expecting," Jay conceded, evidently still keeping her guard up. 

Felix didn't blame her. He was willing to give Clarke the benefit of the doubt, but it'd be a cold day in hell before he trusted any Board member.

As they arrived at the store, he was surprised to see the door shut. When Jay pushed it open, his eyes widened as Parvati gasped, and he moved the engineer behind him, shielding her from view.

_Fuck!_

Celeste lay dead on the floor, as three troopers towered over her, one with an inferno scythe still burning.

As Jay stepped forward, the corporate commander barked at her. 

"Hey! Careful. Don't go running around in the middle of a crime scene."

"What happened to Celeste?" the Captain's voice was steady, but he could just make out the strain. 

"You mean Ms Jolicouer. She was reported for practicing a subversive aesthetic. We found her in her office, working on something perverse. She didn't cooperate, so we had to put her down."

"You killed her." 

"Byzantium security regrets any disruption to regular flow of commerce. However, cultural and moral hygiene must always be maintained…" 

Felix tuned out as the tincan droned into the usual corporate slogans for UDL. He could feel Parvati shaking behind him, and he was absolutely sure he'd seen Jay's carbine flicker.

_She was gonna kill them. And I wouldn't blame her one bit. Fuck. Celeste didn't harm anyone._

The troopers departed, but the original two standing in the corners of the shop were still watching stiffly. 

_Probably the fuckers that reported her._

Jay knelt down by Celeste, closing the dead woman's eyes. She stayed by her side for a few moments, and Felix felt torn in half. She should have been able to mourn, to cry, but doing so would be an act of sympathising with a dissident. And he couldn't move to comfort her without letting the bastard troopers see that Parvati was upset.

He was reminded sharply of the piles of murdered bodies that had been herded to their deaths just one level below his feet, people told they'd won the retirement lottery only to be exterminated. The bile rose up his throat as he struggled to push the memories down, to keep moving forward. 

_How much blood can one city hold?_

The Captain stood, and led them outside.

"I've got her office key," she murmured to him. "You okay if I go look?" 

"Course." 

She was back in a few seconds, and Felix steered Par to the waterfront. Here at least it wasn't busy, especially at this end, and the engineer cried softly against him as Jay hung over the railing, staring at the water below. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning of the End by Nine Inch Nails
> 
> Down on your knees, you'll be left behind  
> This is the beginning  
> Watch what you think, they can read your mind  
> This is the beginning  
> I got my mark, see it in my eyes  
> This is the beginning  
> My reflection I don't recognize  
> This is the beginning
> 
> We think we climb so high  
> All up the backs we've condemned  
> We face our consequence  
> This is the beginning of the end


	34. Rise Up

"Chartrand next, boss?" 

"Yeah. Then Akande." 

_And then breaking into the Chairman's office next door…_

The scientist's home was in the Estate District, within view of the Fenhill house. There were no security guards stationed outside and Felix wondered exactly how Lilya had got a hold of the keycard to the building.

They slipped inside easily enough, finding it laid out much like Ellie's old home. A small entry, a massive foyer, and a whole lot of locked doors.

A lone terminal sat blinking on a side counter, and Jay concentrated as she hacked it. Felix watched her closely, knowing she was keeping a lid on her emotions. Parvati was subdued if determined, but she had at least had the chance to get her feelings out. The Captain on the other hand was suppressing both grief and murderous rage. 

"Personal terminal of one Dr Eva Chartrand," she murmured as she flicked through the contents, and Felix tried to quickly take in the information on screen. "Logs reporting Cascadia as compromised… HRS-1084 having a break in… Yet another relocation brought her here…" 

The word 'extraterrestrials' jumped out at him, and he leaned forward as Jay slowed her reading for him. 

"How does Lilya not get she's talking about humans?" he asked softly. "Chartrand's written here that humans are used to being the first extraterrestrials in colonies, that colonialism is our oldest trick, and that it hasn't worked in Halcyon."

"Not exactly a big alien conspiracy," Par sighed, her eyes still a little red.

"Ah here we go," the Captain muttered, as the command to unseal a laboratory popped up.

There was a slight click from down the hall, revealing a newly opened elevator.

"Ah, my favourite part," he drawled. "One day we're gonna find an elevator that takes us somewhere nice."

"I'll believe that when I see it," sighed Jay, as she hit the switch, lowering them below ground level. 

The doors opened on a short corridor that was far too white and bright, and Felix squinted as the cloying scent of various chemicals hit them. 

"Ugh. Smells like the MedBays. Only _wealthier_."

Jay glanced at him and Par as she put her hand on the only door, and they both nodded before she pushed it open and entered the lab. 

"That's far enough," an entitled if shaky voice rang out. "What are you doing here? How did you even get inside?" 

It took Felix a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darker room, a laboratory with a sunken floor in the middle where the angry scientist stood, surrounded by a higher platform occupied by a lone if well armed corporate commander.

_This isn't exactly high security…_

"Lilya Hagen sent me to kill you," Jay announced bluntly, as Felix kept his eyes fixed firmly on the commander and their gun. 

"Hagen? Never heard of her. Is she from the Board? Damn it, I knew this would happen."

_The Board-?_

"Why would the Board want you dead?" asked the Captain, eyebrow raised. 

"To keep me quiet," sighed Chartrand. "But if you didn't know that, I'm guessing they didn't send you. I always assumed they would put a bullet in my head one of these days. I don't know anyone named Hagen."

"Lilya runs SubLight Salvage on Groundbreaker."

"This is utter nonsense. I've never even been to the Groundbreaker!" 

"But you have been to Cascadia. And Station Ten Eighty-Four. Leaving your human experiments behind."

Jay's voice was surprisingly cold, and Felix had to remind himself of just how pointless the experiments had been, and at what cost. 

"What happened to the team?" asked the scientist, sounding worried. "Tell me you didn't move their suspension tanks?" 

"SubLight took over the lab. Your human aquariums are probably just office decor-"

 _Oof_.

"-but you surely can't expect any different. You abandoned them." 

_Good point._

"Small consolation," sighed Chartrand. "My team, the finest minds of their generation… reduced to salvage."

"What were they trying to prove by experimenting on themselves?" asked Par, her tone on the friendlier side. 

"We were trying to prove that the colony could survive the crisis bearing down on us."

"You're talking about the food supply," the Captain didn't make it a question. 

"What are you doing, Doctor?" the corporate commander spoke up, but she kept her gun holstered. "This information is beyond classified." 

"You can write me up in your report," Chartrand shrugged. "It hardly matters. I'm researching a new way to feed the colony. The crops we transplanted from Earth don't give us the nutrients we need. Our colonists might not realise it yet, but they're starving." 

"Do you always have corporate guards in your home?" asked Jay. 

"It seems I have you to thank for my current houseguests."

_Because of the break-ins._

"This doesn't explain the research I found."

"The food we grow here barely sustains human life. The colony won't last under these conditions! So, the Board let me approach the problem from a different angle. I believed that I could adapt humans to live on Halcyon's terms… that I could change us, give us the ability to derive sustenance from the nutrients the food does have."

"Did you get it to work in animals first?" 

"Yes! We had numerous successes of animals born with-"

"No," Jay held her hand up. "Did you have success in animals that were already born?"

"Well, no, not exactly but-" 

"You moved to human trials without any practical success then." 

"We had good reason to believe-" 

"You had a desperation to believe, and that is _not_ the same thing-"

_I really hope Chartrand realises how angry Jay is…_

"-I have a settlement, on this planet, that is growing healthy crops in Halcyon soil. All the nutrients are there. Nobody is starving or diseased. And meanwhile, you're trying to tamper with DNA in a way that can only ever result in full-blown infiltration."

"That's not… that's not possible," Chartrand shook her head. "Growing crops in this soil is not possible." 

"It's a hell of a lot more possible than what you were attempting, _doctor_ ," snarled Jay. "You could have spent this time adapting Halcyon native flora to better feed people, or advance hydroponic technology to increase crop yield without soil coming into it at all. Instead of playing fucking Frankenstein with your colleagues, who died for this madness." 

"I know! I was there. Thomas was the first to take the gas. A simple test, he said. I told him not to, but he insisted. We learned a lot from his autopsy-"

_Bloody hell._

"-Enough that we could try it on each other and know when to stop. No one else died! I must find a cure, so his sacrifice isn't in vain."

"There isn't a cure," the Captain said quietly. "You know that."

"I- I wouldn't allow us to experiment on convicts or the unemployed," stuttered Chartrand. "It's wrong, no matter what the law says. Everyone agreed. We accepted the risks. I'm desperate. I've already asked all the best institutes on Earth for help. Years ago we sent a message out on the Cornelius Vanderbilt, but heard nothing back."

"Cornelius Vanderbilt?" Jay blinked, unfamiliar with the name. 

"One of the two Earth Directorate assault cruisers assigned to patrol the Halcyon System."

"Board cover-ups?" murmured Felix beneath his breath. "Vessels disappearing into the aether? Sounds like the work of aliens to me."

He saw the ghost of a smile on Jay's face as her anger cooled a little. 

"The Board is uneasy about letting the colony know," the scientist continued, "seeing as half their military force vanished without a trace."

"So, no aliens after all," mused Parvati, sounding a little disappointed.

"Look around. We're the only intelligent aliens in Halcyon." 

"Wrong. We got eye-witness reports," Felix drawled. "I'd show you myself, but I left my copy of Thrilling Tales back in my bunk."

"This isn't some adventure tale from a magazine!" cried Chartrand. 

"Lilya sent me after a conspiracy," Jay sighed, "but it looks like I found a cover-up instead. So, the Board wanted to 'adapt' the entire population of Halcyon?" 

"Once we can replicate a success," said Chartrand doggedly, "the Board will move to rewire our nuclein. With any luck, our next generation will be eating and thriving off Halcyon crops."

"I don't understand a word she said," shrugged Felix, "but I don't like her tone one bit."

"We haven't made enough strides to advance the plan. Hardly any at all. But we have to keep trying. Or I- I thought we did. If what you say is true… my efforts would be better used elsewhere. But I can't abandon my colleagues. I have to save them."

"Enough talk," Jay pinched the bridge of her nose. "Where do we go from here?" 

"You came to kill me. I assume that's still on the table. Please don't. If I die, there's no one who can reproduce our work. Every sacrifice will have been for nothing. And we'll be no closer to a solution that feeds the colony."

_She's in a whole lot of denial._

"Thoughts, Felix?" 

"You know how I feel, boss," he shrugged. "If you're a cog in the corporate apparatus, your face is pretty much fair game. That's my motto."

"Everything I did was for the good of the colony," said Chartrand, miserably. "Consider that."

"Par?"

"It seems like she was tryna help. Ain't many in the colony doing that. If she was workin' on the right stuff, she could still do a lot of good." 

The Captain was silent for a long moment. 

"You know of Phineas Welles?" she asked the scientist. "If you work with him, I'll spare you."

_Hm. He'd keep her on the right path, and benefit from the help. Good compromise._

"The one on the wanted posters? They say he's an anarchist. A madman. A butcher-" 

_Welp_. 

"-I'll do it."

 _Wow_. 

"Doctor!" the trooper barked. 

"What choice do I have, Commander?" 

"So there really is no alien conspiracy," sighed Felix, with added melodrama. 

"Alien conspiracy?" Chartrand looked astonished. "No. What? Did you hit your head on the way in or something?-" 

_Rude_. 

"-I need to get out of here. Phineas can contact me when he's ready to work together. For now, I had better pack up the lab and head somewhere discreet." 

"Not so fast!" the commander's hand hovered over her gun as she spoke directly to Jay. "Captain, what you just learned is beyond your clearance. Hell, it's beyond mine. Give me one reason why I should let you walk out of here alive." 

"Because you could instead 'disappear', most likely at my hands, and go home to Anjelica before her next birthday. Or you could accompany the good doctor, and bring your family with you before this place goes up in flames."

The commander's hand shook, as the seconds ticked by. 

"You sure have an impudent way of knowing other people's business…" the trooper croaked. "But that doesn't make you wrong. Now move along. The Doc has a lot of work ahead of her. Tidying up and such."

Jay threw a lazy salute, wandering over to the wall of notes before leaving. The trooper had turned her interest away from them completely, most likely planning her own escape, and Felix risked joining the Captain. 

The notes were handwritten and haphazard. Something had gone wrong with the standard terraforming, which was why the soil was incompatible with the usual crops. Anything planted had instead adapted to the system, and thus become unsuitable for human consumption. He blinked in surprise as he saw a note mentioning that the Hope scientists would have been able to fix the terraformers easily. 

_Damn. Waking up the Hope really might save this colony after all._

Unfortunately, that hadn't been an option, and instead Chartrand had begun her mission to turn humans into 'homo halcyonis'.

"You think Welles will be able to get through to her?" he murmured, and Jay frowned slightly.

"I'm honestly not sure. Maybe someone on the Hope can save her teammates. I don't see how, but it's not my speciality after all."

She was reading message printouts mentioning the Cornelius Vanderbilt. The ship was supposed to have reached Earth months ago, but no confirmation had been passed back by skip drone.

_That's two whole giant ships the Board has managed to lose. Hope was likely sabotaged… maybe the Vanderbilt was the same._

"The Cornelius Vanderbilt's still out there in the aether somewhere," he mused. "I wager the whole crew's turned cannibal by now."

"Fuck, I hope not. I really can't cope with any more cannibals, Fel'."

"Yeah, me neither," he sighed. "Speaking of, I guess we can't put off seeing the Adjutant any longer." 

~~~

The door to Sophia Akande's office was once again wide open, and Jay nodded to the secretary as they strolled in. 

"I've just finished reading a report of your work on Monarch," as usual, the Adjutant forwent any greeting. "The broadcasts have been silenced at last. Graham Bryant was a madman, a narcissist, and exceedingly dangerous. The colony is safer without him. And you brokered an alliance with the Broker himself. Hiram Blythe is a valuable asset. Well done. Your work is exemplary. You've earned a place in the Chairman's inner circle. Congratulations are in order."

She held out a bit cartridge, which the Captain pocketed. 

"What happens now?" asked Jay. 

"Now we introduce you to the Chairman's plan. Turn your eyes to the screen."

_Oh void, this is it!_

A video began playing, of the Chairman speaking to the camera. 

"Good afternoon. I'm Chairman Rockwell, and I'm here to address a serious issue facing us. As you all know, our colony has been successful beyond our wildest dreams-" 

_Uh._

"-Unfortunately, we've recently discovered that our food supply will not be able to sustain Halcyon's population in the long term. Everyone will die- I fucking swear, if someone doesn't get me something to read that will placate the masses soon all of you will find yourselves violently unemployed…"

_What the fucking shit?!_

Felix watched, horrified, as the Chairman laid out his grand plan - the Lifetime Employment Program. Most of the colony would be placed in suspended animation while the rich continued to live in Byzantium in prosperity. Individuals would be revived on a rotating basis so that 'every worker helps'. 

"By testing paperweights!" the Chairman laughed. "Sorry, couldn't resist. Take that bit out. Obey your supervisors, take your vitamins, follow your corporate-mandated grooming rituals. With the Board on your side, there is nothing to worry about." 

_This is… I knew the Board was fucking crooked, but this is pure evil!_

"Halcyon is on the verge of a total systems collapse," said Akande, with horrific calm. "The truth is ugly and difficult to accept, but we must accept the truth before we can move forward. Malnutrition is already a problem. Disease will come next. Followed by starvation. Followed by a breakdown of society. Followed by extinction. I know this must come as a surprise to you. I imagine you have questions."

Felix was, for once, speechless but Par spoke up, shaking with anger. 

"Is that why we were suffering plague in Edgewater - malnutrition? All those folks, sick and dying, and you knew why the whole time?" 

"Yes, Ms Holcomb. We knew why. We've known for some time that Edgewater was dying. The colony itself is dying. What happened there will soon spread across Halcyon, unless we act." 

"And that's your solution?" Felix laughed, with no humour. "Put the whole colony on ice? People ain't gonna stand for this. We'll fight back. We'll tear down the walls of Byzantium."

"No, Mister Millstone. You will not. The workers of Halcyon will do exactly as they are told, as they always have. Your dreams of a people's revolution are the juvenile fantasies of a frustrated child."

He could have sworn he heard Jay growl, and Akande snapped her focus back to the Captain.

"I won't pretend the truth isn't damning," the Adjutant said firmly. "Yes, the colony is on the verge of collapse. But there is a way to save it."

"I have questions about this Lifetime Employment Program," Jay said flatly. 

"I'll answer however I can."

"What's your take on all this?" 

"When I first discovered the truth, I was shocked. Even disgusted. I wondered how we had allowed a colony like Halcyon to fall into disarray. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised the colony had sown the seeds of its own destruction. We have become lazy and decadent. We smother ourselves in meaningless bureaucracies. We deliberate and argue and procrastinate."

_Who the fuck is 'we'? Certainly not the people outside this damn city._

"That's a pretty good argument for getting rid of the Board entirely," the Captain pointed out. 

"I admit, I occasionally fantasise about making an executive decision without having some tedious committee questioning my every move. Do you have any idea how much paperwork is involved in ordering someone's execution through the usual channels? It's positively maddening."

_That's not what she fucking meant._

"You don't honestly believe all this Lifetime Employment nonsense, do you?" 

"The Lifetime Employment Program is not some malevolent strategy of an evil mastermind. There's no dark secret buried in the fine print. The Program is logical, it's reasonable, it's merciful. And most importantly - it will work."

_How? At best it lets the rich live in prosperity until the system still dies, just a little later._

"This isn't the way to save Halcyon," Jay shook her head. "Welles has a plan." 

"Phineas Welles does not have a plan," snapped Akande. "He has an _obsession_. He is obsessed with reviving the Hope's colonists, no matter the cost. Halcyon is already starving. We can't possibly introduce tens of thousands of new colonists into this system. Help me execute the Lifetime Employment Program, and you will have earned a place of honour in Byzantium. You will live in comfort, and want for nothing."

_While others are frozen, left to rot._

"How long do we have?" 

"We've already crossed the point of no return. The collapse has already begun. You must have noticed the signs in Emerald Vale - malnutrition, disease, high mortality rates. This is a permanent famine, Captain. We've done all we can to curb their hunger. Very soon, people are going to realize they're starving. A famine is a problem of logistics as well as marketing. Your workers must remain productive on as little food as possible and they must always believe that food is plentiful."

"Hence the research in Roseway," sighed Jay, rubbing her temples. 

"Before you interfered in Roseway, Dr Anton Crane was on the verge of developing a powerful appetite suppressant. It would have made his career. The solution would have been a temporary one. Before long, our workers are going to feel the effects of starvation. The Lifetime Employment Program is our only viable option."

"Why me?" Jay's voice was quiet, and Felix watched her more closely, worried. 

"When you turned Phineas Welles over to me, I knew I could rely on you. You've demonstrated your ability to place duty above sentiment. And you deliver results. That quality alone is enough to separate you from the Board's army of indecisive bureaucrats." 

The surprise must have shown on the Captain's face, as Akande continued. 

"Do you know how many meetings I have to sit through, how many papers I have to sign before I can make one decision? I'm only trying to rescue Halcyon from extinction! I can't save this colony alone. I need someone capable of working outside the system. Someone who can get things done. 

"No more questions," Jay's expression was unreadable. "Tell me why you wanted to see me."

"We need to talk about Emerald Vale," the Adjutant revealed. "You handed Edgewater over to a band of dissidents. I can't have this. Adelaide McDevitt and her people have no place in the Halcyon that is to come. Edgewater needs to go. I want you to wipe the town out. No survivors."

"Are you out of your mind?!" yelled Felix, unable to stop himself. "We're not gonna murder a town of innocent people!" 

"You will do exactly as you're told, or I will have you shot for insubordination."

"You're a monster," Par sounded close to tears. 

"Someone has to be," shrugged Akande. "Now is not the time for half-measures, Captain. I need a decision from you."

"What did Edgewater do to deserve this?" asked Jay, her voice deadly calm. 

"You replaced a loyal, if hard-headed town leader with a revolutionary. Adelaide's people have turned Edgewater into a hub of dissidents. These people are dangerous. They're going to become more dangerous after the collapse. We need to put them down now."

"We're talking about human lives here."

"The dissidents currently occupying Edgewater answer to no one. They're an unknown, unpredictable variable, and I can't have that. I'm not asking you to be a murderer. I'm asking you to be a surgeon. Edgewater is a necrotic limb on the body of the colony. It must be severed."

_Because if you don't serve the Board, they don't even see you as human._

"Adelaide's people are self-sufficient," Jay pointed out. "They're not a strain on the colony's resources-" 

"Don't fool yourself," the Adjutant snorted. "The dissidents occupying Edgewater are rebels harboring dangerous and seditious ideas. Left to their own devices, their numbers will grow. Graham Bryant and his merry band of morons caused enough trouble on Monarch. I won't risk the same thing happening in Edgewater."

Jay was silent for a long moment, and Felix held his breath. They hadn't shut the door behind them, which he realised was a huge oversight. There were four guards in the hall, plus one secretary who would no doubt come running. If someone hit an alarm, they'd be swarmed by backup from the other floors. Everything was moving too fast suddenly. 

"You are completely insane," Jay shook her head. 

"No. Allowing thousands of colonists to starve to death because we couldn't make one cold-blooded decision is insane. What I'm suggesting is absolutely logical. Steel your spine, Captain. Do what needs to be done."

"I will. But it isn't this." 

"Don't make this more difficult than it needs to be, Captain. I rather like you, and I'd hate to have you shot for disobeying a direct order."

"Go to hell, Sophia," snarled Jay, and despite the circumstances, Felix couldn't help but grin. 

"I'm disappointed," said Akande, pulling out her gun. "I was so sure you had-"

The Adjutant disintegrated in front of him as Jay whirled, firing her second shot at one of the guards visible through the doorway. The others came running, all trying to fit through the door at once, and he helped Jay pick them off easily, as the lapdog that was Percival came running at them with a knife, only to be destroyed by Par's hammer. 

_And nobody hit the alarm. Hooray for Board incompetence!_

"Thank you," Par's voice was serious and steady as she turned to Jay. "I couldn't have listened to much more of that poison." 

Jay leaned against Akande's desk, lost for words.

"I don't think there's any security cameras in here," Felix swept the room, hopeful they hadn't been seen.

"Yeah. There aren't," the Captain shook herself, and activated the tiny radio on her wrist that connected her to the Unreliable. "Ada, send Max and Ellie to the front of the HHC building. It's showtime." 

Jay stood up straight, reholstering her carbine.

"Okay, let's have a look at the Chairman's office." 

~~~

"Dang, he's got a real piano," the Captain was momentarily distracted. "Wonder if we can come back and steal that…" 

The Chairman's terminal was easily hacked, as Jay uncovered the location of the dimethyl sulfoxide, and printed a keycard for the building. 

_Ministry of Accuracy and Morale, what a fucking name._

There was also apparently plenty of food from Earth stored away for the elite, enough for the entirety of Byzantium and its workforce for a considerable length of time.

_Fucking typical._

Jay sent Clarke's message, stuffed with data, to Earth. The terminal chirpily advised a wait of 3 to 9 months just to complete transit. 

Felix leaned against the bar as she read through the logs, while Par poked at all the luxuries. 

"Look at this fancy office," he drawled, unimpressed. "Chairman's bleeding the whole colony dry." 

Felix tilted his head as Jay picked up a broken snowglobe on the way out, and she smiled as she caught his quizzical expression. 

"Sam likes this kind of thing." 

"Aww," cooed Parvati, putting the globe in her pocket. "You're so sweet!" 

~~~

"Take this," Jay handed Max the holographic shroud, loaded with the Board ID cartridge. "Second floor from the top. Hack the security, wipe it for that floor, and the paths for the time we and you were in there. Take Par, she'll show you where to go."

Max nodded as Jay quickly briefed Ellie on the plan.

Felix leaned into the ex-vicar just before he left, keeping his voice low.

"And if you can work out how, steal or hide the Chairman's piano."

Max quirked an eyebrow.

"It made Jay smile," he explained, and Max nodded, setting off with Parvati. 

The Ministry of Accuracy and Morale was right next door to the HHC building, and so far it looked like no alarms had been raised. 

"How we hittin' this, boss? Hard or soft?" 

Felix smirked as Jay unexpectedly blushed a little.

"We'll scope it out, and then see," she said quietly. "I don't have the shroud though, so after a certain point it's gonna get heavy fast." 

"Excellent," drawled Ellie. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uprising by Muse
> 
> Rise up and take the power back  
> It's time the fat cats had a heart attack  
> You know that their time's coming to an end  
> We have to unify and watch our flag ascend  
> So come on!


	35. I Won't Let Go

The Ministry of Accuracy and Morale was rather busy compared to the echoing emptiness of the HHC building. Clerks scuttled about in side-rooms branching off the main hall, while a canteen sat above, up a flight of stairs. 

At the far end of the building were secure doors, guarded by armed troopers, but the Captain attracted little attention as she moved around, casually eavesdropping and breaking into a back office. 

Felix could hear snippets of conversation between the workers: that a clerk who had gone 'downstairs' had never been seen again; that someone kept stealing lunches; that the designer of the wanted posters featuring Welles had been arrested due to his 'connection' to Welles.

_Employ a man to make a poster, then arrest him for doing so. While his colleagues cheer you on. Hooray._

Jay nodded for him and Ellie to follow her upstairs, and the two sat at a table near the Captain's chosen target - a lone scientist amongst the clerks. 

"Hey there," Jay smiled politely. 

"Sorry I'm kind of in the middle of something," the scientist didn't look up. 

"You seem like a woman who knows about sprat mitochondria," the Captain purred her voice, ever so slightly. "But I can take this conversation elsewhere if you're busy."

"Oh. OH," the scientist looked up in surprise, and blushed. "You know, I always have time for sprat mitochondria. As well as charming women who can appreciate the finer points of cell biology." 

"How do you feel about mitosis and meiosis? The contours of smooth endoplasmic reticula?" 

"Uh, confused?" murmured Felix softly. "But also, suddenly interested in science for some reason."

Ellie smirked. 

"This is certainly a conversation worth continuing _elsewhere_ ," the scientist leaned on the last word. "But I don't think I've seen you around, and I'm sure I'd remember you."

"I'm new," Jay smiled brightly, "and my paperwork hasn't come through yet."

"In that case, I can get you into the lab!" the scientist was eager to help. "Consider it a favour you can repay later. Follow me."

Jay winked at Felix as she passed, following the scientist, and after a few moments, he and Ellie shadowed her. 

"Fine," the guard was saying, sounding annoyed, "but I don't wanna hear anything about the Catch-Up packet incident ever again. And she's on her own if she runs into the guards downstairs."

"You're the best, Holte."

The scientist gave Jay a huge smile as she passed, no doubt looking forward to the Captain's later repayment.

_That will not be tendered._

He followed Jay through the door, her confidence as always resulting in nobody questioning who her companions were. A little more digging for info in cupboards and offices turned up nothing, and the Captain deflated a little.

"Shit," she muttered. "I'm gonna have to call the elevator which will probably get us some guns in our faces…"

"We'll stay over here, Cap," Ellie scanned the room. "That way we've got them flanked if you can't talk your way round them."

Jay nodded, strolling across the room and hitting the button. A corporate trooper immediately pivoted, and got in her face. 

"No visitors allowed, citizen," he barked. "I'm going to need to see some identification."

"Dr Endecott can vouch for me."

"Let me guess. She's still holding the Catch-Up packet incident over Holte's head, right? We've talked to her before. She can't keep letting her 'special friends' down here."

"Hey, I'm 'extra special'," Jay pouted, making Felix smirk from across the room as the guard blushed a little.

"Um, well, just get out of here. I don't wanna catch you hanging around."

The trooper turned his back again, flustered. 

_Score_.

As the lift doors opened, Felix slipped across the room with Ellie on his tail, and into the elevator. 

~~~

"… we're OBLIGATED to get a working formula before Akande has us all in tanks to help test the next batch of samples. Now get to work!"

The lift doors had opened on a huge underground scientific facility. Immediately in front of them were hibernation pods, which from the sound of it contained people being experimented on. 

Felix was adept at stealth, and Ellie could hold her own. They stalked about the laboratory, easily avoiding guards and scientist attention. The further they got however, the harder it was getting to stay unnoticed, though the scientists' single-minded focus certainly helped. 

As they entered the lab marked for animal experimentation, he saw Jay tense up further. Human experiments were almost too monstrous to comprehend, but the poor critters in cages here were obviously distressing to witness.

As the employees moved to one end of the room, he risked a glance at the terminal logs the Captain was reading. 

_Trial 27… tryna replicate Doc Welles revivifying formula- how did they get that? Maybe it's an old one. Hmm, says his notes are basically unintelligible, needs a few tries…_

_Fucking hell, last one is trial 237, that's more than a few tries! Running out of sprats, the sick bastards. Wait… got a lot of work ahead if… going to be effective at reviving people from long-term hibernation…?_

The information ran round his brain as they moved further into the facility. Felix knew, of course, that the Chairman's plan was to put everyone into stasis, but it looked like long-term hibernation was the plan. And long-term meant more than ten years. Despite them still not knowing how to wake people up. 

_Unless they're using it to revive people on the Hope? But it didn't sound like it from what Akande said. Damnit._

Jay made the slightest gesture at them to pause. They were stood in the middle of a damn morgue, a dead body laying openly on a table. She pushed a door ever so slightly ajar, and a conversation between two scientists floated through. 

"Let the record show that subject 23-K's cause of death is cerebrovascular incident brought about by a ruptured aneurysm." 

"This is an 86% failure for this batch. I think we can safely move on to the next."

"And I had such high hopes for this one. Ah well, I suppose it could have been worse."

"Yeah, they could have ended up like those poor bastards in Containment."

There were footsteps fading away, and he followed the Captain as she entered the room. Another two dead bodies lay out. 

_An 86% failure rate. How many have they killed?_

"'All subjects have perished after undergoing multiple hibernation cycles,'" murmured Jay, reading from the sole terminal in the room. "'Massive cranial hemorrhage, intestinal rupture, pulmonary edema…' So, not only do they all die, they die in agony." 

_What in the void are they counting as a success if EVERYONE dies?!_

Ellie clenched her jaw, furious tension radiating from her. 

The doc might claim not to care, but this was medical malpractice on a whole new fucking level. 

"Okay," the Captain breathed, after peeking through another door. "On my movement, follow me fast." 

She stood motionless by the door, and Felix found himself holding his breath. In a split second, Jay pushed the door open, fired her carbine - he guessed, it was a blur but he heard a slight sound - then moved across the hallway, closing another door behind them as they dashed through.

He realised they were in the security office, as camera feeds blinked all over one end of the room, in front of a chair that contained the ash he could only presume had been the security chief. As Jay studied the footage from all the cameras in the facility, Felix busied himself picking the lock on a door at the back of the room to what looked like… 

_Bingo. An armory. Ooh, grenades!_

Ellie grinned widely as they stocked up on ammo and bits.

"What's our move, boss?" he asked softly, not wanting to startle Jay as he came up behind her. 

"We're in the exact middle of the labs," she sighed, unhappily. "Security is extra tight on the side we haven't been to yet. It's where the chemicals are, and the secure labs. We've got as far as we can on silent mode." 

_Crap_. 

"Okay," Ellie nodded. "What numbers of armed fuckers are we talking?" 

"Somewhere between fifteen and twenty… the security footage is full of blindspots. But their patrol routes all overlap. I don't know if the scientists will fight back or not. I'm not sure if it matters-" 

"It doesn't," the doctor said bluntly. "They're experimenting on people, killing them in at least the hundreds if not more. There are ways to leave Byzantium. These bastards chose this, Cap."

Felix nodded in agreement. 

"There's also a room marked containment that must have people imprisoned or similar," the Captain turned back to the screens with a frown. "Those last scientists mentioned it too." 

"If we're gonna have to take everyone out," mused Felix, "maybe we should try and stealth to that room first, just in case."

Ellie huffed, but Jay paused, thinking hard.

"Yeah," she met his eyes, "good point, Fel'. There might be nobody there but I think we can get to that room okay, it's off to the side rather that right at the high security bit. Let's go." 

~~~

Containment was guarded by two troopers, who were silenced by Jay and Ellie.

_Aaaand that's what the knife is for._

Felix had a feeling the Captain might have preferred nonlethal methods, were it not for the fact that her target had been talking about what disgusting things he'd been doing with the various dead bodies passing through the facility at all times.

There were four cells along one wall, and he hurried over as the dead troopers were dragged out of sight. 

"Hey, can you talk okay?" he called softly into the first cell. 

There was only an incoherent groan in reply, and Felix squinted in the gloom.

"Ah, shit."

The woman inside was utterly crazed, clawing at her own skin as she gnawed her arm. The next cell had a person smeared in feces, laughing maniacally. The other two were as far gone, inflicting violence on themselves, or trying to harm him through the grated doors.

He shook his head sadly, making his way up to the platform above where Jay was hacking a terminal.

"They okay?" she asked, seeing him approach.

"Definitely not. They're frenzied, hurting themselves and worse. I'm not sure how they're even alive, one looks like their neck is broken but they're still lurching around."

"I'll go have a look," sighed Ellie, hurrying down the stairs.

The terminal beeped, and the Captain snapped her attention back to it, tapping through the logs. 

"Here we go," she said softly. "Containment notes. UDL security scooped the subjects up from various locations around Halcyon… None displayed any behavioural abnormalities or homicidal tendencies. They tested revivifying formula #132 on them, which has high concentrations of Adrena-Time… and they began exhibiting hyper-aggression. And there's a warning to not open the cells."

"For good reason," a returned Ellie shook her head, leaning against the wall and looking slightly drained. "They're fucked. Adrena, yeah?" 

Jay nodded. 

"Yeah, no shit. Same as fucking marauders. They're as sentient as zombies, and just as curable." 

_Damnit_.

"So there's no helping them?" asked Felix. 

"Nope," Ellie was firm. "I'd normally say they could at least be put out of their misery, but they're aware of nothing now."

"I think leaving them as is would still feel wrong," said Felix, slowly. "But… if they're really not aware, maybe letting them loose first would be no bad thing."

"You-" the doctor cut herself off. "You are an actual genius. In their frenzied state, they could deal with most of the scientists, maybe even the troopers. Then we can mop up the rest. Kind of poetic, really."

"I guess," Jay sounded unsure, and she sighed. "Everyone in this place has to die, otherwise we aren't getting out alive. I suppose it doesn't make a difference really, I have to kill them all either way…"

She trailed off, focusing on the terminal again, and Ellie sent Felix a worried look.

"I don't think there's any good way to do what needs doing, boss," he said gently. "But we gotta get those chemicals safely to Welles. Otherwise, everyone in the system is gonna end up dead by the Board's hands."

Felix came up beside her, as Ellie moved a little further away, giving them some space.

"It's not your fault, love," he murmured. "None of this is your doing."

He took her hand, and she squeezed gratefully.

"Thanks, Fel'. That helps."

She tapped the terminal, and the doors of the cells below swung open. Immediately four figures ran out, jerkily, running through the main doors towards the secure facility. 

Screams and gunfire sounded out, and after a few minutes Jay nodded for them to continue along the higher floor, only height and railings keeping the chaos at bay. Felix risked a glance below, and saw that the freed subjects had been far more brutally efficient than he'd imagined. Silence rang out below them, as the few guards remaining chased the three surviving subjects to the other end of the facility, back where the crew had first emerged.

Only two troopers came back, and with a carefully aimed grenade, the facility was silenced.

Jay hopped down to the lower level, as he and Ellie found nearby ladders. There were two large lab rooms remaining, the first full of the tanks he'd seen too many of Chartrand's voluntary scientists inside, all inhabited by people in stasis. Except here, it was clearly regular colonists, all being held in suspended animation against their will. 

As Felix passed a terminal, he saw the default message shining out: 'When at first you don't succeed, log your results and notify your supervisor!' 

"'Tests are ongoing but so far we've had little success in adjusting the hibernation process to safely allow long-term subject storage and revival,'" Jay read the lab notes. "'Short of a major breakthrough, we'll have to hope they have more success next door with the revivifying formula.'"

"Yeah, I'm gonna guess the last lab didn't have any success either," drawled Ellie.

Felix struggled not to gasp as they entered the final room, which impossibly had even more stasis tubes full of kidnapped people. At one end of the room however, the dimethyl sulfoxide was clearly marked.

_It's so small._

He blinked in surprise. Of course, it made sense the volume would be low if they were going to be able to carry it out of here, but even so. He realised he'd been expecting something cartoonishly large, a scale to match how important this one chemical was to the system. 

"Fuck. FUCK." 

He whirled round to see Jay looking devastated, turning from what she'd been reading, and he hurried over. As she sat on the ground, her head in her hands, he and Ellie both read the notes on the master terminal behind her. 

"'The addition of dimethyl sulfoxide to the current round of tests has resulted in some improvements," Ellie read aloud, quietly. "Subjects are showing improved circulation and increased neural activity. However, our formula is still missing something - we are still unable to fully revive subjects from long-term hibernation, and removing their supply of dimethyl sulfoxide results in their rather… excruciating death. The problem is compounded… reviving and freezing subjects multiple times over their lives…'"

She tapped on to the next screen. 

"'Warning… This procedure may result in the invalidation of experiment results and the death of human test subjects. Sudden withdrawal from dimethyl sulfoxide is highly lethal and will result in the cancellation of any in-progress experiments. Experimental integrity and test subject vitality can be maintained by leaving a 73.629% dimethyl sulfoxide concentration in circulation-'"

_Wait-_

Ellie sighed heavily.

"It means-" 

"It means we can either take 26% only," said Jay, sounding distant, "or we can take 100% and watch all the victims in this lab die in excruciating pain." 

_Everything the Board touches is evil. And she's gonna blame herself for this. Fuck._

"Yeah," Ellie rubbed her temples. "Look, Cap, you bring me along for both the medical and pragmatic point of view. Logically speaking, every test subject in this lab that they've attempted to revive has died. Void knows how many already have. We _can't_ save them." 

"But Welles might be able to." 

"Doubtful. And even if he could, how would he get in here? If he can only revive 26% of the Hope occupants, the Board will have a higher chance of standing strong. Fuck, as soon as we leave here, the Board will probably come in and pull the plug anyway."

Felix crouched down in front of Jay, seeing a tremble running through her. Having to make this kind of decision twice in less than half an hour, and after learning the system was in full collapse, seeing Celeste dead and having to kill Akande too… it was crushing her.

"I can't," she breathed, so quietly only he could hear her.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, taking her hand. "This isn't fair. You do your best to save everyone, love, but there isn't a way to save these people. If we leave them alive, the Board has already killed them. But if we can restore the Hope, completely, less people will die."

"I have so much blood on my hands already. I don't know how much more I can take."

_Her fear from the hermit's place. The guilt is killing her. But she's not alone. All she has to do is decide, and I'll hit the button._

"I'm with you," he squeezed her hand. "No matter what."

The Captain sighed, and nodded her head.

"Okay," she spoke more loudly. "We take 100%."

There was a beep behind them, immediately followed by Ellie's voice.

"Done."

A horrible noise came as the occupants of the tubes began thrashing in the stasis liquid, screaming garbled yells as the pain made their bodies spasm, and after a few seconds… it stopped. They ceased to move, and all was silent.

_Ellie did it. So Jay didn't have to. Pragmatic my ass._

He gave Ellie a small smile, and averted his eyes when she blushed slightly. 

"Ell, I-" Jay looked shocked. 

"Save it, Cap," the doctor interrupted. "We've got chemicals to move." 

"Right." 

~~~

Walking back through the upper floor of the Ministry of Accuracy and Morale felt surreal. Everyone on the lower level was dead, but as the elevator pinged open on the ground floor, Felix realised that having the facility be so high security had left one glaring oversight.

_There's no way for them to know what happened down there. They probably had orders not to call for help, like at Roseway._

Before summoning the elevator, they'd bust open the cages of the sprats, and the small animals had made a dash for the nearest drain. Knowing how tough the creatures on the Groundbreaker were, he had no doubt they'd find their way to freedom at least. 

The upper floor of the building was still busy, still full of pompous guards, and still bustling with talkative clerks.

As they exited the building, he saw Max and Parvati standing in the distance, and once the two were sure they'd been seen, they disappeared back towards the ship.

"It might be a while before we're back here," Jay said quietly. "We don't have much time, but is there anything else we need from Byzantium?" 

"I'll be glad to leave again forever, Cap." 

"Yeah, I'm the same, boss. Let's go home."

The Captain nodded, but Felix hadn't failed to notice the flatness of her voice or the dullness of her eyes. Today had taken a grave toll. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Won't Let Go by Rascal Flatts
> 
> It's like a storm  
> That cuts a path  
> It's breaks your will  
> It feels like that
> 
> You think you're lost  
> But your not lost on your own  
> You're not alone
> 
> I will stand by you  
> I will help you through  
> When you've done all you can do  
> If you can't cope  
> I will dry your eyes  
> I will fight your fight  
> I will hold you tight  
> And I won't let go


	36. Hold On

"Is it done?" 

Lilya Hagen's voice crackled across the connection in the Nav room. 

"I spoke to Chartrand," replied the Captain. "I'm not going to kill her."

"Well, damn," the SubLight boss snarled. "The contractor grew a conscience. As your employer I'm both angry and disappointed. I'll add that to your file. Technically I owe you an exit interview. Care to justify your betrayal of our species, or are we finished here?" 

"You misunderstood Chartrand's research-" 

"You're awfully quick to trust someone who offed her colleagues and called it a good start. We're done."

Hagen cut the transmission, and Jay sighed heavily, the weight of the system resting upon her shoulders. 

"The thanks we get for showing a little integrity," offered Felix, hovering in the doorway.

"Honestly, that went better than I expected. I thought we might have SubLight agents on our ass, but looks like we're just dismissed." 

"She's probably playing it safe in case we _are_ alien overlords, boss." 

Jay managed a small smile, and his heart ached.

_She was already struggling before we hit the labs, and now with those deaths weighing her down too..._

"Not long til we're at Phin's," she said, looking back out the window at the moving stars.

He desperately wanted to say something reassuring, but all his words died in his throat. They were near the end of their mission, everything they had done thus far had led up to stealing and delivering the chemicals to Welles.

But he wasn't so naïve as to think Jay could unentangle herself at that point. The scientist still required access to the Hope itself, and defense from troopers while he worked. As soon as the Board realised what they were up to, they'd have an entire army at their heels.

_Or half an army, I guess, given one of their assault cruisers vanished. Still more than one small crew can handle…_

"Can I get you anything?" he managed, wishing he had something better to say.

"I'm good, thank you though. I'm just gonna watch the stars for a bit, clear my head."

"Okay, love. Just yell if you need me."

Felix walked out the room and up the stairs unhappily. The Captain probably needed some space to process the events of the day. His own head spun if he tried to work through it all. He found himself wandering into Parvati's room, and she greeted him with a small smile. 

"How you doing, Par?" 

"I'm okay," she sighed, and he realised her eyes were puffed up from crying as she cuddled Dude tight. "I'm glad we're done in Byzantium. The only good person we met in that whole place was Celeste."

"Yeah," he slid down the wall onto the floor as she put her book to one side. "I wasn't expecting what happened to her. I guess it's too easy to forget that the Board sees us as all the same, including those we think of as elite. I don't think she ever harmed anyone, really." 

"I guess we can't know-" Par shook her head, surprising him.

_Even Parvati has had to adopt some cynicism to survive this place._

"-but we do know she didn't deserve being killed just for making clothes. And look-" 

She held up an unassuming outfit, something elegant but practical, like a Captain might wear to a parade or dinner or suchlike. 

"-not exactly 'perverse', is it?" 

" _That's_ what they killed her for?" Felix shook his head unhappily, as Dude ran over and curled up on his lap. "Fuck sake." 

"Yeah," the engineer frowned. "Jay said it was the only thing in her office not smashed to bits. Guess the troopers didn't even know what they were looking for. Sounds like you and Ellie saw even worse." 

"Have you seen Ell?" 

"Mhm, she's doing okay. She's pretty tough! Still, I think it shook her all the same. Not only what she saw and did, but that it was her who hit that button at the end."

"That whole mission was a series of tryna choose the path of least harm," he ran his hands down his face as he spoke. "Up til now, we've often had paths of no harm - or least, not harming anyone who doesn't shoot at us." 

She nodded.

"And I mean," he rested his head against the wall, stroking the small canid absentmindedly, "it's no secret I'm very pro-violence when it comes to the Board, but Jay isn't, y'know? Every death weighs her down. Letting the test subjects out, taking all the chemicals… I'd have done each for her in a snap, but it still wouldn't take her guilt away."

"I think Ellie knows that too," said Par, softly. "I mean, she's more surprised that she cares enough about someone to try and take that burden I think, than that she did it. But seeing Jay struggle, it hurts her a lot. Where is the Captain now?" 

"With Ada. I don't think she can face people right now. No offense, Ada. She needs time to process stuff I think." 

"That's sensible, Felix." 

"Yeah. I just… not being able to help? It kills me."

"I know," she sighed sadly. "But we're delivering the chemicals next, right? We're surely getting near the end of things now."

Felix nodded, not wanting to dampen any hopes she truly had. But he suspected the engineer knew what still lay ahead, as much as he did. 

~~~

"I've kept myself busy in your absence," Welles greeted them from the safety of his sealed room. "Optimized my formula. I'm now confident I can revive the remaining colonists."

"Phin," the Captain stood in front of the glass wall by the scientist. "The colony's on the verge of collapse."

Her bluntness surprised Felix and Ellie both. 

"What? Oh. Yes, well, that's obvious," the scientist waved his hand. "Anyone with two working lamps can see this colony's slouching towards oblivion. Why do you think we've been doing all this? I revived you to help me save Halcyon from annihilation."

"Not what I mean. Akande revealed the big plan. The Chairman is planning on freezing every worker in Halcyon." 

Welles was silent for scarcely a moment. 

"Hold on. Let me see if I understand this correctly. You're saying that Halcyon's on the _very brink_ of total collapse? And the Chairman's plan to save all of us is to save himself?" 

Jay nodded. 

"I always knew Halcyon was heading toward a system collapse, but I never imagined we were already there!" the scientist wrung his hands in agitation. "The Board made this crisis, and now they want to solve it by freezing the rest of us? That's not a plan. That's a goddamn escape clause! That makes two things we don't have - time, and the chemicals to revive the other settlers. None of this was supposed to happen. I was supposed to revive the Hope's colonists. We were supposed to have enough time to solve the problem before we all starved-"

"Well, there's only one thing we don't have," the Captain interrupted. "I found your chemicals in the Ministry of Accuracy and Morale. The Board was testing them on kidnapped human subjects."

"Human test subjects?" Welles raised his eyebrows. "That's grotesque. That's unthinkable. That's… exactly what I'd expect out of the Board."

"I had to let the test subjects die," said Jay softly, "but I brought back all the chemicals they had."

"Thank you. You've brought me enough chemicals to get started, at least. I'm just sorry they came at the cost of human lives. Those poor people. They must have died in agony-" 

_Don't._

"-What exactly was the Board trying to accomplish?" 

"The Board is trying to mitigate damage to human tissue during repeated revival processes. And potentially utilise long-term hibernation."

"So they're trying to work out how to freeze their subjects over and over again without inflicting permanent damage? Well, they're nowhere close to solving that problem, I'll tell you this much. The Board's scientists are hopelessly lost. After years of fruitless experimentation, they've made exactly zero progress."

"How do you know that? Did you-" Jay was interrupted by the scientist. 

"Work for them? Yes. I'm intimately familiar with the utter incompetence of the Board's own scientists. We're out of time. We have limited chemicals. We may very well be out of options. If the Board has their way, we're all going to be spending the rest of our lives frozen in stasis. Do you realise what this means for the Hope? For your fellow colonists? The Board's going to kill them all. Toss them out into space just to make room in their hibernation Chambers!"

Felix's head was whirling, as Ellie frowned. 

_Of course. Where else could they even put so many people in stasis? Could the Board already have made a move on the Hope then?_

"We need to think about this," murmured Jay, with a faraway expression. "There has to be something we can do."

"Short of lining up every member of the Board and shooting them in the back of the head?" cried Welles, panicked. "Do you know what's waiting for us on the Hope? Scientists. Engineers. Artists. The brightest minds Earth ever sent us, uncorrupted by the Board. And the Board's going to dispose of them all, and transform the Hope into a prison for the rest of us! They're likely on their way to the Hope as we speak! We need to get to those colonists before the Board. I have enough chemicals now to start reviving them, but no easy way to get them off the Hope and into my lab. How in the void can we beat the Board?!"

_C'mon, you're meant to be the answers guy!_

The silence stretched out, and Jay sighed, her fingers circling her wrist. 

"There _is_ a way," she clenched her jaw. "It's not exactly safe, but we could skip the Hope into the system."

_Oh, fuck._

"Merciful gibbering Law!" yelled Welles. "You're a genius. We bring the Hope to us. Skip the entire ship across the distance of colony space - right next to my lab."

"The Hope's probably damaged," the Captain continued. "We'll have to route power from the Unreliable-"

"Yes. Yes, exactly. You're a step ahead of me, but I perceive the shape of your plan. If we link up the Hope to the Unreliable, then use your navigational computer to calculate a reasonably safe vector, we can skip the entire colony ship into the rings of Terra 2. You'll need to switch on the Hope's auxiliary power using the Unreliable. Then, head to the bridge. Ada should be able to activate the Hope's skip drive. Once you've skipped the Hope next to my lab, I'll have easy access to the frozen colonists. I can start reviving them immediately."

"Uh, okay," Felix spoke up. "A few questions here. I thought skipping within a system wasn't possible?" 

"Skip drives were never designed to be used within a system," nodded the scientist. "But I skipped my ship across Halcyon when I rescued Jay, and that turned out fine. Mostly. That is, I ruined my ship and nearly killed both of us in the process-" 

_WHAT_. 

"-But the manoeuvre itself was well within acceptable margins of risk. You'll be fine. You'll be FINE!"

_Uh huh._

"And people aren't going to notice a giant colony ship slamming into the rings of Terra 2?" he asked. 

"Unlikely. The Hope is as massive as the Groundbreaker - but compared to the rings of Terra 2, positively miniscule. The Board might notice. Possibly. Depending on the position of their heads relative to the depth of their collective posteriors." 

Felix snorted a laugh, despite his worries. 

"Should we expect any resistance?" drawled Ellie. 

"It wouldn't surprise me. When I pulled your Captain out of the Hope, the Board nearly intercepted me. I expect they've stepped up security since my little act of larceny."

Welles looked at the three of them, and straightened up. 

"I know you're wondering why I'm doing all this," he began. "Why I believe the people on the Hope are the answer to the colony's problems. The Hope is carrying some of humanity's most brilliant thinkers. I'm sure you've noticed that your Captain is phenomenally capable, and that is true of many on the Hope, in all disciplines. 

"If we work together, we can still find a way to save Halcyon. The Board would have us believe Halcyon is beyond saving. I choose to believe otherwise. If there's even the slightest chance we can save Halcyon from oblivion, then we have to take it."

"And coincidentally, we don't really have a choice," shrugged Jay. "If we don't bring the Hope, the system is finished."

"Quite so!" 

As they returned to the Unreliable, Felix reflected that he didn't share the scientist's enthusiasm. He was quite sure Jay would know the real odds of managing the planned feat, but that wasn't what worried him.

_It's like her flame has been dimmed. I feel like she's fading away, and I don't know how to stop it, how to bring her back…_

~~~

_< "Captain, I hope Dr Welles has not dragged you into one of his irrational schemes again. My diagnosis of his mental stability is not flattering.">_

"Thanks, Ada," Jay replied automatically as they boarded. "Take us clear of the rings, and get everyone to gather in the kitchen, please."

_< "Certainly, Captain.">_

Felix followed Jay and Ellie up the stairs, as the others came out of their rooms, and Par appeared at the top of the ladder from engineering.

As the Captain explained the situation, there were widened eyes but set jaws all around. 

"So are we headed to the Hope now?" asked Parvati.

"Not yet," Jay shook her head. "This isn't like the previous missions. If things go wrong this time, the Hope could end up crashing into Terra 2. Or worse, the sun. And if that happens, with the Unreliable on board…" 

"We get one hell of a suntan," quipped Felix, trying desperately to bring some levity forward.

"We die," said Max.

"Yeah," sighed the Captain. "Look, when I brought you all into this crew, my mission was clear - find the chemicals Welles needed, and return them. Technically, that is done. We can stop at the Groundbreaker and I have _zero_ problems with anyone who wants to disembark."

Ellie raised an eyebrow as Parvati gasped.

"Jay, we're not gunna leave you!"

"Par, that's not-" 

"You are incorrect, Captain," Max interrupted them both. "You took us into this crew to bring the Hope back to Halcyon. Those were your exact words. And that's exactly what I plan to help you do."

"Max, the Hope is already-" 

"Semantics. I'm in."

"Me too," smirked Nyoka. "I mean, we're screwed anyway, right? This way we at least got a chance."

"Yeah, I'm in, Cap," Ellie drawled. "Like you said before, if the whole system goes down, I'm fucked too." 

"You don't even need to ask, Jay," huffed Parvati. "I'm with you to the very end, dammit!"

"I'm with you, boss," Felix smiled, and felt a jolt of relief when she smiled back.

"Thanks guys," Jay swallowed hard. "Let's get to the Hope." 

~~~

Felix tucked his Captain into bed properly, moving the cosy blanket up and around her. Dude circled half a dozen times then lay down curled up next to her with a happy sigh.

Functioning almost on autopilot, Jay had easily taken the pills Ellie gave her, and would now at least have some hours of rest while they crossed the system. He was impressed by the doctor's methods of managing her most difficult patient, though in truth, Jay was so out of sorts that being tricked into taking sleeping pills wasn't quite the same feat as usual. 

_She's been holding her wrist more too, without realising. No tremors that I've seen, but... it's definitely her vulnerable spot._

He didn't know whether to leave her in peace or stay with her, which was the same dilemma he had when she was awake. It was as if she'd retreated into herself, and he both wanted to remind her he was there for her _and_ to give her any space she needed.

The visit with Welles had been eye-opening. Felix realised he'd assumed that the scientist's prowess in his own field of expertise extended beyond that, that he was the mastermind behind the saving of Halcyon. Instead, Welles had panicked when things began moving too quickly, and it was Jay who'd been forced to stay calm, and come up with a plan.

_And ain't that what she's been doing this whole time? Having to stay calm no matter what, finding the answers nobody else can, keeping a lid on her upset and anger._

Her words at the HHC experimentation facility kept circling his mind: 'I can't.' It was the one moment her heart had broken through the stoic facade. But there was no room for her to stop, nobody else who could step in, and truly take the responsibility away from her. He knew that even with Ellie's move, or if he had been the one to do it, Jay would still count it as blood on her own hands. 

_I don't know how to help beyond standing beside her. Maybe… if we skip the Hope okay, and Welles wakes enough people before the Board finds us… maybe she can step away soon._

Making his mind up, he lay down in the bed beside her, snuggling up against her back, and wrapping his arm around her. The pills didn't guarantee a lack of nightmares, and if all he could do was be by her side, then he'd do it damn well.

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life Starts Now by Three Days Grace
> 
> You say you feel so down  
> Every time I turn around  
> And you say you should've been gone by now  
> And you, you think that everything's wrong  
> You ask me how to carry on  
> We'll make it through another day just hold on.
> 
> 'Cause life starts now.  
> You've done all the things that could kill you somehow  
> And you're so far down  
> But you will survive it somehow because life starts now.


	37. The Sound of Silence

_< "Captain, we have arrived at the Hope.">_

"What do I need to do, Ada?" asked Jay.

_< "I need you to reroute power from our ship to the Hope's auxiliary generator. You'll have to connect me to the Hope's comm system so I can convince her central computer to enable the skip drive.">_

"And when we skip the Hope?" 

_< "If our calculations are even slightly off, you could crash the entire colony shop into Terra 2. Or the sun.">_

"Anything you can tell me about the ship?" 

_< "The Hope is the Groundbreaker's prettier, sleeker sister. She wandered off and was lost for 70 years but just recently was found. Also, there are hundreds of thousands of frozen organic lifeforms hibernating in her hold. Regrettably, I cannot estimate the number of Board guards.">_

"Thanks, Ada," Jay turned to the crew. "Here's the plan. The guards will be hostile. Even if they aren't, we can't exactly skip them to Phin's hideout. Unless they surrender, shoot to kill.

"Once we've cleared the dock out there, Ellie and Nyoka, you stand guard. You see any hint of backup rolling in, you radio me immediately. Call in Sam if you need to. Par, you hang back here in case Ada needs you. If something on the Unreliable blows, we're screwed.

"Max and Felix, you're with me. We patch the power, break into communications, then get to the central computer. Hopefully it's not a full troop outfit in there.

"Let's go." 

~~~

"You know they're gonna make a serial about our adventures one day," murmured Felix as Jay paused briefly before exiting the ship. "I been trying to think of a good title for this episode. I like the sound of 'The Skip Job'. No, no wait. I got it. 'Hope in Dark Times'. Get it? Hope? Like the ship? That's what folks in the business call wordplay."

Max huffed a laugh as the Captain smiled.

"Not bad, Fel'. Our adventure serial's gonna need a name, too."

"Yeah, I been thinking about that," he continued, relieved to see her smile. "Got a list right here. 'Thrilling Tales of the Unreliable'. Or maybe 'Spine-Chilling Stories from the Edge of the System'. Was also considering 'Astounding Adventures in the Aether'. I'm partial to that last one."

"How about 'The Adventures of Jay and Company'," suggested Max.

"Not bad. Got a nice ring to it. Stealing the Hope from the Board. Skipping it across the whole damn system. This is gonna be great. I can't wait."

"I'm glad you're here," said Jay softly, and Felix blushed a little. 

"Enough to boost my pay?" he smirked, and she chuckled. "I'm just kidding, boss. I know you don't pay me. Anyway, I'm glad I've been practicing my signature drop-kick. The Hope might have cameras."

~~~

Felix could make out three guards on the dock, a commander up top and two patrolling. It would be a cinch to simply sneak past, but the Captain was right in saying Board troopers couldn't be skipped to where Doc Welles was.

Jay crouched atop a tall crate, lining up the targets in her scope. It was precise, silent, and efficient.

The power station terminal was easy enough to find, sitting at the front edge of the dock, blinking angrily. The Captain hit the command to patch the power through, and the machine hummed happily. 

"We're not exploding," Felix looked around, "so I guess it worked."

Jay was quickly looking through the logs and he glanced over her shoulder as she paused on one screen.

_Let me see… storage bay 5 at 99% capacity, bay 8 at 92% capacity, and bay 12 at 76% capacity?_

"What the hell happened to two of those bays?" he murmured, and the Captain shook her head.

"I don't know. 99% is within margin of error, or it could be the one I was taken from. But 8% and 24% of two bays missing? That's a lot of missing people."

"Power failure?" Max suggested.

"It says it's had full life support…" frowned Jay, before clearing the screen. "Let's go." 

~~~

In her typical habit, the Captain took the high road, literally, as they climbed a ladder and made it to the rafters, somewhat similarly to the Groundbreaker layout. 

They'd encountered the log of a maintenance engineer en route, with the quote, 'this whole starving to death thing isn't all it's cracked up to be'. Felix had realised with a jolt that like the Groundbreaker, the Hope would have had a skeleton crew, fully prepared to watch over the ship for the projected ten year journey.

When the ship had instead fallen out of skip, and their journey time had multiplied into a few decades…

_They wouldn't have had enough supplies. And they went from one long job, to spending a huge chunk of their lives stuck on this ship. I might've been stuck on the Groundbreaker but at least I had dreams of leaving. These folks didn't even have that._

"Terminal is registered to Argos Security Management Systems," murmured Jay as she hacked into a terminal that was bizarrely tucked away in the rafters. "I heard of them back home, haven't seen them here though…" 

She changed the targeting system of the automechanical sentries to lock on UDL employees, and the crackle of weapons fire rang out below them. 

As they dropped down to the lower levels, the ship was dark, but seemed in good enough condition. The sentries had dealt with the Board guards, and now sat silent. 

Another log by the maintenance engineer stated that he'd found a lot more blood around the ship, wondering why the crew were so clumsy. Felix felt a prickling on the back of his neck. 

_Something bad happened here. Other than the ship falling outta skip._

Max snorted as a crew terminal revealed at least two of the ship staff had been having very physical affairs. 

_But where are they? They couldn't have survived this long, but their bodies must be somewhere… or did the Board kill 'em when it first found this ship?_

~~~

Felix picked up another datapad as they emerged into cold storage bay 5, the one that had reported a 99% occupancy. It was a log from the custodial engineer detailing that he'd found a finger lodged in one of the security mechanicals. 

_Great._

After sweeping the room, Jay headed for the terminal that looked out over the hibernation pods. Rows upon rows of them stretched out, and as Felix came up behind her he could see there was one empty space where a pod had been removed. 

"'Current pod count: 9,999,'" she read. "'Cold storage pod #CB5-524, Occupant: Jay Fawkes, Removed by: unknown crewmember-'"

_This is where she was._

"Transcript of audio log reads… 'Hundreds of thousands of colonists, left to drift out here forever. Just to keep from damaging the Board's bottom line. Disgraceful'."

"That'd be Doc Welles, then." 

"Yeah. At least the others here are all okay."

"Am I the only one who wants to scratch my name on one of those pods? Yeah, I figured."

She huffed a small laugh, and he grinned. 

Max called from across the room, signalling the communications substation location. Felix kept behind Jay, noticing that she was starting to shiver. The colony ship was cold, having run only on life-support mode for however many years, and he could only imagine how it felt to be back in the place all her nightmares were set. 

The Captain went straight to the terminal at the far end of the communications room, and hit the controls to connect Ada.

_< "Can you hear me, Captain? I have successfully integrated myself into the Hope's comm systems and am attempting to establish contact with the Hope's… more primitive processor now. Would you like me to play a mood-suitable music selection while you travel to the bridge? Oh, sorry. File not found.">_

Normally, Felix would have laughed, delighted by Ada's increasing prowess with humour. But Jay was gripping the terminal hard as she read through the logs, and he knew something was very wrong. She turned on her heel to check the other terminal, and he and Max read through the screens. 

'Audio transcripts by P Welles. Yes. Subject One-Twelve, retrieved from Hibernation Bay Eight-'

_That was the one with 8% of people missing._

'-Time of extraction 2 and a half hours ago, time of death six minutes prior. Explosive cell death. Haunting my every attempt at reviving our frozen colonists. Don't know how much more of this I can take. Four hours of sleep in the last seventy-two. Can still hear their screaming in my nightmares. Test Subject One-Twelve. Real name Harley Stanton. Age thirty-nine. Enjoyed singing. I'm sorry, Harley. I couldn't save you.'

_Shit. SHIT. Jay wasn't the first human he tried to bring back. One twelve? Does that mean twelve or one hundred and twelve? It- he can't have-_

A second transcript detailed the scientist's surgery and experimentation notes on another colonist he'd pulled out. 

_8% of this bay missing… He can't have- surely he didn't get through that number of people?! He was horrified the Board was experimenting on people! He was doing the same… except he got a solution that worked. But if he hadn't- Jay wouldn't be here… fuck, I don't know if this is right or wrong._

Max looked similarly torn, with no sage advice to offer. Instead, the ex-vicar rubbed his eyes, clearly troubled. 

"8% of ten thousand," murmured Felix, as soft as he was able.

"Eight hundred," Max breathed. "That's eight hundred people." 

_Fucking void._

"I've got the Hope bridge keycard," called Jay, her voice sounding hollow. "Logs on this other terminal say they calculated their post-skip journey at twenty-six years. Navigator had to plot the route manually. The pressure on him and the Captain was immense. And they didn't have enough food. But the head engineer stopped taking his rations. Said he wasn't hungry."

They followed her back through the previous bay, unlocked another door and found a room with a crew terminal and a door to a different storage bay. 

"Logs on here say the engines braced for unknown reasons, they couldn't skip without the required fuel reserves…" she flicked through the entire contents faster than his eyes could track. "Ten years of rations and they'd used up nine. Meaning they were one year from arrival when they dropped out of skip. They nearly made it. The captain and his wife- their kid is in hibernation. He's six. Gets to wake up an orphan." 

Max sent a worried look to Felix. So far the Hope had been nothing but bad news, and the Captain was starting to bend under the pressure.

Jay turned, and seemed to register their concern.

"We keep going," she said firmly, and they nodded.

~~~

The storage bay doors opened on a mess of feral sprats and one of the huge mama varieties. They were easy enough to contend with, but once they had, Felix took in the disastrous scene around them.

The floor was brown with old dried blood. Hibernation pods, open and empty, were stacked floor to ceiling. There was so much blood, the metal of the room had been rusting. And there was dampness that wasn't blood, it looked like, like-

_Liquified… people-?_

_This must be storage bay 12. The one with a quarter of ten thousand people missing._

"It-it's like something out of that one horror serial," he stammered. 

_What was it called? Oh yeah… Slaughter Island. Shit._

"Another log from our maintenance engineer," Max had a datapad in his hand. "He says there was a civil war of some kind. That blood was everywhere, parts of the ship were sealed off… he signs off by saying he's going to try and freeze himself." 

Jay was standing at the front of the bay, looking out on the remaining pods and the big empty gaps. The terminal here was long broken, and she was simply staring, fixed in position. 

Felix nearly tripped over a datapad, covered in gunk, and he wiped it, surprised to see it still held up. 

"This one ain't by our usual guy," he mused, "says Frank at the bottom. Head engineer I think? And- oh." 

He frowned, making a noise of disgust.

"What does it say?" asked Max.

"I'll read it as is. 'Pulled a guy out of a pod and his arm got all clammy. Rubbery almost. I poked at it for a bit and it started to fucking liquefy. Like it was made of water. Stuffed him back in quick but the rest of him ain't in a good way. Don't think he'll make it. This better not be a fucking trend or after all this we're gonna starve anyway.'" 

"Then that is what this is," Max sighed heavily. "Cannibals. They were eating the colonists they were entrusted to watch over." 

"That's- okay, wait. There were twenty-four crew. And their trip was gonna be twenty-six years. I'm not good with numbers but-" 

"Twenty thousand people," said Jay, her voice sounding shockingly cold. "They'd need to eat nearly twenty thousand people for just twenty-four to stay alive."

"How could anyone agree to that?!" Felix ran his hands through his hair. "That's a fucking slaughterhouse."

"They didn't get that far," Max was concentrating as he worked it out. "If each of these bays are the same size, aside from the Captain there are thirty-two-hundred missing colonists. Someone stopped them."

"Some of the missing are down to Welles, too," Jay still had her back to them, but Felix could see her shivering as she spoke. "That could be from just a handful to…" 

_Anything. He coulda taken from this bay too._

"-Double back to the elevator. There's just the crew's quarters and the main Nav room to go." 

~~~

_< "These were the private quarters of the Hope's former crew. Shall we hold a moment of silence for the dearly departed? No? That's odd because my programming would indicate that when forced to confront the idea of self-death, organics prefer… Oh. I see. Yes, never mind.">_

Felix felt his words get stuck in his throat. Any light quip he could make about the Captain coming home would be horribly ill judged. There had only been three troopers stationed on this level, and near their bodies was a far longer deceased one, propped against the door, as if guarding it. 

As they went from room to room, Jay began reading the various logs aloud, with the same hollow voice she'd had since she came across Welles' experiment logs. A colonist had gone missing. A pod was found empty. The cameras had been deactivated.

The ship captain had laid a trap, and caught the chief engineer breaking into a pod. The man had expected thanks for solving the food crisis. Horrifically, and no doubt thanks to the mental effects of starvation, other crew members sided with the engineer, despite the captain locking him away. 

The captain's wife had tried to grow tomatoes. The crop had failed. She'd tried human flesh and deemed it 'delicious'. The captain killed her. They'd judged a third of the colonists may need consumed to keep them all alive, a far higher number than Jay had calculated.

_Probably because as well as being fucking cannibals, they were fucking inept._

The engineer had been let out of his cell by an unknown crew member. The captain had protected the storage bays while the navigation officer raced to finish his route calculations on the bridge. 

The entire rest of the crew had turned cannibal.

When Jay turned to nod them forward, on to the massive bridge housing the navigational computer, Felix could have sworn she no longer even saw him. 

~~~

_< "That is the Hope's computer, up ahead. I'll admit, I am curious to wake him.">_

The Captain tapped through the last logs on the final terminal. The crew had been trying to drill into this room, and the Hope's captain had left to deal with them. The navigational officer recorded that the drilling had stopped, and his captain did not return. He had successfully plotted the course, and wrote that he didn't want to die slow. He signed off with the words, 'Fly true, Hope.'

_Shit. He and his captain saved everyone left on this ship. They were the only two that didn't turn cannibal._

_< "Greetings, Captain. I am speaking to you through the Hope's computer system. It's a rather cramped feeling, but it'll do.">_

He hadn't even seen Jay hit the connection, but she was evidently keen to finish up and get the hell out of here. As she approved the various commands, Ada overrode the Hope, the local computer protesting they would break warranty. 

_< <"You should not be doing this. The humans will die.">>_

_< "Thank you, Hope. It looks like all systems are a go. Captain, I would advise you to hold onto something - now.">_

"Hey," he murmured, standing next to Jay. "If this all goes wrong and we end up flying into the sun? I just want you to know, meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me."

She looked at him, taking his hand in hers, and for a moment it was the old Jay - his Jay - looking back at him, as the ship started to hum. 

"Love you, Fel'."

The engine noise got louder.

"I love you, Jay."

"I love everyone!" yelled Max, as the noise became overwhelming, and Felix grinned as he saw the Captain laugh. 

His stomach flipped. 

~~~

_< "Oh, good. We are still alive and have successfully skipped into Terra 2's orbit. I reported as much to Phineas Welles, but he has not responded. Perhaps you should check in on him?">_

"We're alive?" groaned Max, slightly wobbly.

"We're alive!" whooped Felix, as he pulled Jay to him in a hug. "We did it, boss." 

She squeezed him, and when she pulled back he was glad to see a small but genuine smile. 

~~~

_< "Captain, I am receiving a transmission from Dr Welles. The transmission is marked with priority status: URGENT!">_

Felix frowned as he followed Jay into Ada's navigation room, with Max at his heels. They'd barely set foot back on the Unreliable.

The transmission played immediately as Doc Welles appeared on the screen, an info bar saying it was recorded more than an hour ago. 

"Thank the Law you warned me!" yelled Welles, over the sound of metal being cut. "I was able to get some defenses up, but they might not be enough. The Board has sent some serious firepower to pry me out of here! They're trying to get in here, and I'm not sure I can stop them. If they capture me, if we can't communicate again, there's something very important you need to remember. The Board, all their lackeys - they're all a bunch of SWINE! Do you hear me? They're fucking corporate SWINE! You fucking PIGS! I'll take you all out with me, I'll never-"

Flames and smoke shot across the picture as the camera lurched and the transmission cut out.

_No, no, no- they've got Welles. Unless he overpowered them? Maybe they just fucked up his comms…_

_< "It would seem the recording captured some rather dire events. I presume you'll want to dock at the Orbital Lab to check on your associate as soon as possible?">_

"Take us in, Ada," Jay deflated slightly, visibly dismayed at being thrust straight back into action.

_< "Certainly, Captain.">_

~~~

The trip was short, as they'd parked the Hope as close to the scientist's lab as they safely could. Ada reported only four lifeforms on the station, and Max stayed behind to brief the others on what the Hope had revealed.

Felix was surprised to see the dock only as messy as it ever was, but he had his rifle ready, Jay with her carbine.

_Four lifeforms. Bubbles is one. The rapt in the tank could be another but unlikely. And Welles if he's here. So either two or three enemies? Let's see…_

The Captain forwent stealth, marching straight into the laboratory. A corporate commander whirled round. 

"Looking for your friend? You just missed-" 

His head exploded, and before Felix could even line up a shot, the two other troopers were dead as well. Jay strode over to the part of the lab usually sealed off, only to be stopped by Bubbles who nudged against her insistently.

"M'sorry, girl," she murmured. "Fel', could you see if you can get her on the Unreliable?" 

"'Course, boss," he came over, searching through the drawers of the various desks for some food.

As he bribed the pig up the stairs towards the exit, he looked back to see Jay standing at the terminal behind Welles' usual glass protection. She looked calm, but her less careful approach was unusual. Not that they'd been in any danger, the guards were dead before they even saw he was there.

He didn't know why that made him uneasy. Her three shots had been impossibly close together, even for her, a feat he'd first noted at the awful Retirement District. And when she'd killed the head of security in the Ministry faculty, he'd barely even seen her gun move. She didn't seem to be any shakier than before, but moving at such speed, using her time dilation so much, had to be hugely draining.

Felix sighed as he half bribed and half pushed Bubbles up the ramp and into the Unreliable. Parvati had said when she first met Jay, that the Captain had been quiet, closed off, not wanting to rely on other people. In the last few missions, with an awful death toll and horrific sights witnessed, she had retreated further and further into her former self.

"Ada, can you tell Par to come deal with Bubbles? I gotta get back to the Captain." 

_< "Certainly. I am thrilled to have another fertiliser supplier on board.">_

~~~

As Felix hurried back to the lab, he couldn't see any sign of Jay, but a door was open at the very back of the lab, through the previously sealed off section.

As he walked through, the lone terminal caught his eye. This was the highly secure personal terminal of one Phineas V Welles, and the Captain had evidently cracked it open. 

He scanned the contents, noting that Welles had left a note in the event of his kidnapping or death, that he presumed he was now on Tartarus, the Board's prison planet, and that he'd left an emergency care package for Jay in his room. 

Felix tabbed back out of the entry, and saw there were three additional personal files. The first one was noting that the Hope had made it to Halcyon, and the scientist's corporate bosses had told them revival was impossible. Welles disagreed, but with arrogance - stating the Board couldn't complain about a few colonists going missing.

 _Shit_.

The second entry focused on his twelfth subject to die, and Felix's heart sank. Welles logged that one hundred and thirteen seconds of life was his new record, before total cellular liquefaction. One hundred and thirteen seconds of screaming. 

The deaths had been wearing the scientist down, on the one hand he was saying he didn't know how long he could keep going, that he couldn't sleep or concentrate, couldn't stop hearing the screaming… but on the other he was calculating that even if he experimented on five hundred colonists it would be statistically insignificant given the hundreds of thousands aboard the Hope. 

In the final entry, the Board had caught on to his activities and labelled him a murderer. Welles agreed. He wrote that only the Hope's colonists could forgive him, and the only way to set things right was to revive them, no matter how long he had to stay in hiding. 

Felix ran his hands down his face. Either Jay was the thirteenth subject, or Welles had experimented on others in between. Without his experiments, he wouldn't have found the solution. Without this, the Hope and all aboard would be lost.

_Without this, Jay wouldn't be here. And she read this. Fuck._

~~~

The short corridor at the back of the lab led to the scientist's living quarters. Felix walked through a kitchen of sorts, and saw that the back wall was a massive window, looking out upon the system. He turned, and saw that Jay was sat on the bed, staring out at the stars. 

As he approached, he was alarmed to see her knife in her hand, covered in blood that spread up her hand and arm.

"Are you injured?" he asked, sitting next to her, unable to take his eyes off the blood.

"No," she shook her head, and he relaxed a little. "The key to his terminal was hidden in one of the pig corpses."

"Huh. I guess that's why he kept yelling swine in the transmission?" 

She nodded. He looked at her closely, worried. Her eyes looked slightly glassy, her body language was all disconnected and wrong.

"What did he leave for you?" 

"Navkey to Tartarus. And a rifle that fires N-rays-"

She blinked slowly, and turned to him. 

"-Tartarus is where the Board has its prison, right?" 

"Yeah," he ran his hand through his hair. "They call it the Labyrinth. On account of people go in, and they don't come out. Originally it was supposedly for real criminals, murderers and such. Now you so much as look at a guard wrong and they stick you in there.

"On the Groundbreaker, we saw a lot of folk on the run. People were more frightened of being sent to Tartarus than they were of dying. Max will have information, maybe. I'm sure that's where he was stationed."

"Yeah," she'd turned back to the stars as she listened, and Felix suddenly realised she wasn't shivering. 

Usually, Welles' lab was freezing, and Jay didn't tolerate the cold well. The temperature didn't seem any different today, but her body was unmoving.

_What does that mean?_

"We should get out of here before any more troopers come for a visit," he said, instead of the thoughts worrying him.

"Yeah."

~~~

_< "Captain, as it appears we may soon be embarking for a maximum security prison planet, I believe the crew would like to speak with you in the kitchen to - as you humans put it - air some concerns.">_

"Be right there, Ada."

"Wait," Felix held up his hand, looking apologetic, and Jay paused, blinking at him. "I know time isn't on our side, but you don't need to go straight into this, Jay."

"If Welles dies, everything is over." 

"But that's exactly it, they're not likely to kill him, not before trying to, uh, get information out of…" 

He trailed off, aware of exactly what he was suggesting.

"I don't mean- I don't mean we leave him," he shook his head. "I'm just worried about you, love. This is way too much strain on one person."

"I'll be okay, Fel'," she gave him a weak smile, and his heart ached at her trying to pretend. "But if I stop, I might not be able to start up again."

She passed him, walking up the stairs and he followed, all the more worried by her words.

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Sound of Silence by Disturbed/Simon & Garfunkel
> 
> Hear my words that I might teach you  
> Take my arms that I might reach you  
> But my words, like silent raindrops fell  
> And echoed in the wells, of silence
> 
> And the people bowed and prayed  
> To the neon god they made  
> And the sign flashed out its warning  
> In the words that it was forming  
> And the sign said, The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls  
> And tenement halls
> 
> And whispered in the sounds of silence


	38. Stuck In Reverse

The crew sat around the long table, with Jay at the head, biting her lip.

"Welles has been captured by the Board," she confirmed. "He's been taken to Tartarus." 

"We gotta bust him out," said Parvati, firmly. "Mr Phineas is just about the only person with power trying to do any kind of good in Halcyon."

_Once upon a time I'd say he was a kindly old fella, living on his lonesome, who never hurt nobody. Now I know the monstrous things he did, but to save others. I don't know what to call that._

_< "To extract the scientist, you will need to infiltrate the Labyrinth. But that course of action is likely to be quite dangerous, Captain.">_

"What do we know about the place?" asked Jay. 

"It's a torment, Captain," Par replied, surprising him. "Think on the deepest, darkest pit you can imagine and wrap it up in a storm so nasty it'll peel the skin right off your bones - that's Tartarus. Still, we can't do nothing. Wouldn't be right."

_Of course. Being a grounder she probably saw folk sent off to that place._

_< "The armed surveillance protocols on a maximum security prison planet are highly sophisticated. As such, escapes are historically quite impossible and deadly. I am programmed to warn you whenever you exhibit inclinations toward 'risky' behaviour. Breaking into Tartarus will not be easy.">_

"Getting in is the simple part," sighed Max. "It's getting out again that's the trouble. Trust me, I know."

"That where you were?" asked Felix, and the ex-vicar nodded. "I'm guessing we can't just kick down some doors, grab Doc Welles, and cut a path out then."

"Indeed, it'll take more than our guns. We need a plan. The shroud won't get us very far as the entire facility is high security. Getting to the main part of the Labyrinth itself will require getting past thirty to fifty guards-" 

_Shit_. 

"-and then the main force patrols the cylindrical prison, anywhere up to or possibly above one hundred troopers. Each level can see the other levels, and with the circular layout, eyes are always on you. Above that is the highest security area, and that I did not see."

"But is it doable?" asked Ellie. "If we can break in, what are our chances?" 

Max was silent for a long moment.

"If it was anyone else, I'd say zero. But we have already accomplished things we had very little chance of succeeding at. If, and that's a big if, we were able to incapacitate the entire UDL presence at the Labyrinth… that corporation would not survive."

"And the Board would crumble," said Felix, softly. 

"That's a lot of people," Parvati shook her head. "And I'm guessing they put their roughest ones on task there. We're talking over a hundred guards-" 

She glanced at Max, who nodded. 

"-plus whatever backup they have not currently on duty. Against us seven."

"Seven?" Nyoka looked confused.

"Sam will be quite the asset in this scenario," explained Max. "Combined with one heavy support, he can probably defend the docks entirely once we clear them." 

_< "If you really mean to do this, you should see to your final affairs and close out any unfinished business. Once you sneak into Tartarus, you may be there a while. Or permanently.">_

"What do you think, Jay?" Parvati looked at her closely. 

"... What do you all think about this?" the Captain deflected to her crew.

"It's the craziest plan I've ever heard," grinned Ellie. "And I mean that as a compliment."

"You're my boss," Felix smiled, "and I'll walk into fire with you."

"I think it's insane," Nyoka huffed a laugh. "But… maybe the colony needs a healthy dose of insanity right about now."

"You're asking for more than bravery from us, Captain," Max steepled his fingers. "But there are worse ways to go than dying for a good cause. I'm in."

"I'm with you," nodded Par, determined. 

"Let SAM get the grime out! It's what our units do best."

_< "The entire plan is a terrible idea. But I admire your bravado, Captain, which leads me to illogically believe, against the odds, that you will be successful.">_

"Okay. I appreciate everything that everyone on this crew has done. We're so close to the finish line. Once Welles is rescued, our mission is accomplished. Ada, set a course for the Groundbreaker. We're going to need a lot of guns."

"If we don't make it, at least it'll be a great story," smirked Ellie. 

"Got my trusty tossball stick," Felix winked. "Got my ass-kicking boots. I'm ready, boss." 

"Outstanding," grinned Nyoka. 

"You can count on us, Jay," Par smiled. "We're crew - for real crew. That means we got each other's backs. Right?" 

"Never thought I'd volunteer to break _into_ a prison," Max laughed. "Seems like your tendency towards risky behaviour is rubbing off on me, Captain."

_< "Travelling to the Groundbreaker, Captain.">_

~~~

Felix could just about make out Max and Jay talking in the ex-vicar's room. They'd soon arrive at the Groundbreaker, and the Captain had taken the time to speak with Nyoka, Ellie, and now Max.

He realised she was probably making her way round the whole crew, making sure everyone was doing okay, even as she seemed to be falling to pieces herself. 

"... If I still believed in the Grand Plan a revelation like this would have seriously shaken my faith," Max was saying. "Knowing you, I can only assume you have already begun formulating a plan for when we arrive on Tartarus. So tell me, what are we going to do?" 

"I'm thinking over a few options. But someone's going to die. And it won't be this crew."

"I hate to contradict you by pointing out that everyone dies. But it is better to die last, I suppose." 

Felix heard Jay huff a laugh as she exited the room, ducking in to see Par next. He finished stowing his magazines and headed back to their own cabin.

Being the master of the ship inventory, he was pretty sure they had enough guns and ammo to go straight to Tartarus. More couldn't hurt however, especially heavy ammo for the machine guns, and grenades and fuel for him and Sam. He suspected the real reason for stopping by the Groundbreaker first was to allow anyone to leave without needing to admit it in front of the whole crew.

He highly doubted anyone would, but he could appreciate the way Jay thought. It would also hopefully give her time to rest after the strain of the last 24 hours. Felix himself was feeling pretty damn exhausted, and he imagined the rest of the crew was feeling the same. Just learning about the horrors of what the Board was truly doing was incredibly draining. 

Knowing he'd fall asleep if he sat on the bed, he instead sat on Jay's desk, gazing out at the stars.

~~~

"Hey, puppy." 

Felix turned round with a grin, seeing Jay leaning against the wall with a smile for him. He hopped off the table, and pulled her in close for a cuddle. Her body felt stiff against him, tension radiating from her, and he found himself very reluctant to let go. 

_< "Captain, we have now arrived at the Groundbreaker.">_

"Thanks, Ada," she replied, pulling back slightly. "Tell the crew they're free to go aboard. We'll leave in the morning." 

_< "Certainly, Captain.">_

"You're gonna wait a few hours?" he asked, surprised.

"Yeah. You were right before. I need to rest before plunging straight back into this nightmare. I can't afford to go in tired."

He felt her wobble a little against him, and took her hand, leading her to the bed.

"Speaking of, you should get some sleep, Jay."

"Mm, I'd rather cuddle you." 

He huffed a laugh and got into bed himself, patting the space beside him. She slid in, and buried into his chest as he lay facing her.

"How are you doing?" he murmured, trying to keep the worry from his voice.

She pulled back, meeting his eyes, and stroked his cheek gently.

"I'm sorry, Fel'," she sighed sadly, and he blinked in confusion. "I know you're worried about me, love. I just…" 

She was quiet for a long moment, and he waited, not wanting to push her.

"It's been a hard few days. Which I guess is a major understatement. I keep focusing on the finish line but it keeps getting moved further and further away. And now having to go to Tartarus… it's just really difficult to hold all the plans in my head, without taking my focus off of everything else.

"If I get a single thing wrong, it could be catastrophic. Not just for Halcyon in the long run, but for you guys right now. I've not been a good friend or partner, but it's taking everything I have right now just to be a good captain."

"You've not _not_ been a good friend or partner, sweetheart," he said firmly. "We're just worried about you. _I'm_ worried about you. I don't want you to hold this burden all by yourself. But I also don't want you feeling bad that I'm worried about you. It's my job, boss. Special boyfriend duties."

He booped her nose and she smiled, making his heart flutter.

"At least it really will all be over soon," he added.

"Yeah. It will." 

She kissed him softly, and Felix smiled as he kissed her back, running his fingers through her hair. Jay rolled on her back as the kiss deepened, finding the fastenings of his shirts and loosening them. He broke from her lips only when he absolutely had to as they undressed, not wanting to lose contact, to have her disappear into herself once more.

He hadn't known how to help when she was distant, but this, being close, was something he could happily give her. She kissed him more fiercely, guiding him above her, and he part caressed, part massaged her body, trying to loosen her tension. As he kissed down her throat, shifting himself backwards as his lips traced down her body, she made a small happy noise, and his heart flipped in his chest.

"Ada, please put privacy mode on," he murmured, before resuming his path. 

_< "Certainly.">_

Jay's body was far from relaxed, and he was determined to work until she was as boneless as possible. He kissed his way inside her thighs, and licked a long stripe against her, purring at the taste, feeling her fingers wind gently into his hair. Her moans were as gentle as her hand, and he kept everything slow and tender as he moved his fingers softly and licked her out, listening to her body as some of the stress she was carrying began to fall away. He eased her into a climax, her breath stuttering, and he kept going, all softness and love.

This he could do for hours if given the chance, and while he wanted her to have time to rest, he made sure she came on his tongue several times as he delighted in her taste. Her hands tugged at his hair a little and he moved up her body slowly, pressing kisses to every inch of skin.

Felix fought back the worry from his face as he saw her tears, but as he kissed them from her cheeks, she nuzzled against him.

"Don't stop, Fel'," she breathed, " _please_." 

She pulled him into a deep kiss that had him struggling not to grind against her as he relaxed again, unwilling to go against her plea. There had been tears before, once, when she had been holding tension that needed relieved. Though this didn't seem like that, it felt heavier, with more sorrow…

_She's been having to hold back a lot of emotions with no time to process or grieve or make sense of it all. If she feels safe enough to do it now, that can only be a good thing-_

He gasped as she nipped at his lip a little, urging him on, and he huffed a laugh against her throat as he adjusted their position. Pulling his head back a little, he stroked her face, brushing the tears aside.

"Need you," murmured Jay, looking more fragile than he'd ever seen her before.

"You've got me, love. Always."

Felix kissed her as he pushed inside her, moving his arm around her back, holding her close, and he moaned quietly into her mouth as the sensations overwhelmed him a little. Despite her earlier urging, he kept things slow, wanting her to feel as safe- as _cared for_ as possible.

She wrapped herself around him, kissing his neck, his shoulder, his cheek, his mouth, tightening her body around him as he trailed his fingers down, tracing insistent patterns that made her moan his name. Anytime his lips were free, he murmured reassuring words, the same phrases he kept for when she had episodes in her sleep - "I'm here, you're safe, I'm with you, I love you, I've got you" - over and over again. 

Her hands tightened in his hair as she pressed her body harder against his, and he lowered his weight, pinning her to the bed, giving her whatever she needed to feel more at ease. He drew everything out, as far as he could, sweat dripping down his back as he made sure she got anything she asked for, anything that helped her shift her pain. Only when she murmured against his ear, another plea, did he work her over the edge. Her climax shuddered through her, her back arching, and he nuzzled into her neck, moving his hand back up and interlacing his fingers with hers. 

Felix trembled as she pulsed around him, panting as he tried to stay in control. He didn't want to finish, not until she told-

"Come for me, puppy." 

The words were purred in his ear and he kissed her hard as he came, his orgasm obliterating all thought and reason. He felt like he was on fire, and her cool skin below his was incredible - he never ever wanted to let go.

Jay was running her fingers through his hair, and he realised that it was her who was still holding him tight, a complete role reversal. He kept his arm around her, kept pinning her even, still determined to give her whatever she needed.

His resolve was only broken when he realised, belatedly, that she was crying, far more than before.

"Hey," he said softly, rolling himself to the side and letting her turn with him, so she was once again buried against his chest. "I've got you, love. You can let it all out. It's okay. I'm here." 

Felix hummed soothingly as he held her, not wanting to give false platitudes or seem like he was pressing for explanations. He'd been by her side these last few days. These last few weeks. He knew what she'd seen, what she feared, and what she blamed herself for.

_Please let us get out of this alive. Please let this be a distant memory for her one day. If I could take her hurt and her guilt I would. It's not fair that this is all on her shoulders. It's too much for any one person, least of all one with such a good heart._

He kissed her forehead and passed her a tissue, which she took gratefully. 

"I love you so, so much, Fel'," she whispered, "more than anyone, or anything. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart. I've got you, always."

He didn't know what else to do other than hold her as she cried softly against him, murmuring reassurance and stroking her hair until she fell asleep. He lay awake a good deal longer, anxiety for her and the mission ahead of them bearing down on him, until he too finally drifted off.

~~~

Felix sat up suddenly in confusion, as a loud noise pounded into his head. Someone was thumping the door, and given Jay had apparently already got up he figured maybe the door had been left locked accidentally while he slept in. 

_Not like it's a big mission day or anything, whoops._

He pulled on some trousers and opened the door, only to be met by Parvati who blushed furiously.

"Oh, um, I, uh-" she stuttered, trying to look anywhere other than his face or his half-naked body.

"Okay," drawled Ellie, " _now_ I understand the Captain's choices."

"Yes, yes, thank you," he rolled his eyes slightly before spotting Junlei standing behind the two door-hitters. "Chief? What's going on?" 

"We're looking for Cap," explained Ell. "Junlei saw our ship was still here and thought there might be a problem." 

"Huh? But Jay's already up."

"... what?" Parvati blinked in confusion, as Felix looked at them all, bewildered.

"I woke up by myself," he shrugged lightly. "She's often up before me. Did _everyone_ else sleep in?" 

"No, Felix, we didn't," Ellie looked serious. "So, she isn't on board then."

"Maybe… buying supplies?" offered Felix, but his racing mind was throwing up warning flags. "Did you ask Ada?" 

"We can't," said Max, flatly, arriving behind them. "Ada only responds to requests from the Captain." 

"She's done my requests before," he pointed out, only to be met by blank looks. "Uh, Ada, is the Captain on-board?" 

_< "Negative.">_

Max raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Is the Captain on the Groundbreaker?" Felix tried.

_< "Negative. The Captain is not within my scannable range.">_

_WHAT?!_

Everyone started talking at once as Felix felt a horrible calmness wash over him.

_She left. But she wouldn't leave me, she promised... but she was so upset last night, making sure I knew how much she-_

"Chief," he got Junlei's attention from where she was trying to calm Par. "You said seeing the ship here meant you thought there was a problem?" 

"Yes," she nodded. "Because the requested back-up had already been sent." 

"Requested back-up?" Parvati asked in confusion, and Junlei looked at them all, realisation dawning.

"You didn't know…? Back-up forces were requested from the Groundbreaker to assist the Captain in rescuing Dr Phineas Welles, and to prevent the entire colony being put in stasis by the Board. 

"I sent my best people - not only do we owe Jay hugely, but this is critical for the safety of the Groundbreaker too. We are already suffering the effects of system failure, which makes sense of a whole lot of issues now I know about it."

"Ada-" Felix began slowly. 

"And how come the ship answers his commands?" murmured Nyoka, catching up on events. 

"-did the Captain request backup from the Groundbreaker?" 

_< "Negative.">_

"But we got the request!" protested Junlei. 

_< "The request for backup came from the Unreliable, on behalf of the Captain.">_

"... are you saying _you_ requested the backup?" asked Felix.

_< "Affirmative. It is my direct responsibility to prevent harm befalling the Captain. As such, I requested backup from factions who hold the Captain in a favourable light.">_

He ran his hands down his face, his stomach churning. 

"She's gone by herself, hasn't she." 

He didn't need to make it a question, he already knew the answer.

_< "Affirmative. The Captain took a purchased stealth craft, for which I plotted the course for Tartarus.">_

"How long ago?" asked Parvati. 

Ada was silent. 

"How long ago?" repeated Felix. 

_< "Five hours. Backup is due to start arriving at Tartarus at approximately the same time, from Groundbreaker and Monarch.">_

"If we leave now, can we get there first?" Max wrung his hands in agitation. 

Ada was silent.

"Ada, answer Max, please," said Felix, softly, leaning against the wall. 

_< "Negative-">_

_I'm gonna be sick._

_< "-The Unreliable is faster but we would arrive between one and two hours after the Captain arrives.">_

He dimly registered Parvati and Junlei hugging tight, before the Chief hurried to disembark.

_< "Shall I set a course for Tartatus?">_

The entire crew yelled: "Yes!" 

"Yes, Ada. Take us there. Thank you," Felix gave the command near automatically. "I'm gonna go get dressed." 

He walked back into the cabin, _their_ cabin, and sat on the bed with his head in his hands, trying to keep his spiralling anxiety from spilling out. 

She _had_ left. She hadn't left him specifically, but the entire crew. The odds on breaking into the Labyrinth and getting out alive were slim. On her own, they were even slimmer. But she would have been better able to use stealth… 

_That's not enough. Not this time. Not against that number of people who will be on high alert. She needs the back up, but it'll be a full frontal assault._

_Ada said the back-up was from Groundbreaker and Monarch. So MSI and Iconoclasts too, maybe? None are as well outfitted as UDL troops though. And the Board likely has their best at the prison._

He had a splitting headache, trying to unravel his thoughts in every direction at once. His complete fear that Jay was going to die. His guilt that she was alone. His anger that she'd left. His rejection that she'd abandoned him, even though he knew why she had.

_She promised she'd never leave me like this. She promised. But... she told me she'd put me and this crew before Halcyon, and I didn't put two and two together. She TOLD me. When it came down to the critical mission, that's exactly what she did. Tried to keep us safe, no matter the cost to herself. FUCK._

He knew he needed to prepare for the mission, work out a plan with the crew, and get everything ready.

"Ada," he asked softly, "why do you respond to my requests and commands?"

_< "The Captain added you to my protocols when we first left Monarch so that in the event she was incapacitated, you could keep things in check.">_

"But I thought you could only respond to Captain Hawthorne?" 

_< "Technically, in the Captain's absence or incapacitation, you are Acting-Captain. It is a temporary station, that relies upon the previous commands of the Captain herself.">_

Felix nodded, absently. He hadn't really noticed when Ada had started listening to him. Flipping rooms into privacy mode, telling Ada to message Par… 

_I guess I was too suspicious of the ship before, I didn't even try to ask her anything. I didn't realise the others couldn't._

He grabbed his shirts to put on, and a folded piece of paper fell out. Picking it up, he opened it, to see his name at the top of a handwritten note, and he swallowed hard, realising it was from Jay. 

'Felix, please don't think I've left you. That this will hurt you, breaks my heart into pieces. I can't choose between the system and you, because I will always choose you. But if I don't choose the system this time, everyone will fall, including you.

'I had to go alone. I choose my squad for every mission, and this is the only squad I can use for the Labyrinth. I've been stretching my ability, ~~and it will be~~ ~~I will be~~ ~~I don't~~ I wish I felt more hopeful, but now that I have more to lose, my hope seems to have run out. I've seen so much evil these past few weeks, but I have to try and believe this place is worth saving. If only so you are safe.

'You changed my life, Fel'. You deserve so much better than someone who has killed so many. I've killed and I've saved, more than Welles. The disgust I feel at what he did… I'm no better. I'm far worse. But maybe, if I can do this, it'll be okay.

'I love you, sweetheart. You are an amazing person, and I feel so lucky to have been with you. I will do everything I can to fight my way back to your side. But if I don't make it, please know that I love you, Felix, with all my heart, and you deserve to be happy and free. Yours always, Jay.'

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fix You by Coldplay
> 
> When you try your best but you don't succeed  
> When you get what you want but not what you need  
> When you feel so tired but you can't sleep  
> Stuck in reverse
> 
> Tears come streaming down your face  
> When you lose something you cannot replace  
> oh and tears come streaming down your face  
> And I


	39. Reasons To Be Frightened

Felix stared at himself in the mirror as he washed his face, willing his expression to stay composed. His mind was a chaotic mess, his heart a swirl of feelings. For whatever reason, he was now technically in charge, and he realised once more how hard it must have been for Jay to keep a lid on her emotions, to be the strong and calm leader they all relied on.

Her letter kept repeating through his thoughts, replacing what anger and shock he'd had with pure fear and guilt. She was walking into hell alone, because of her need to keep him safe. And it hurt him to know she'd be hurting too, even as she descended into the pit, worried he'd think she had abandoned him.

He shook his head, physically, and finished drying his face with a towel. Stepping out of the bathroom, he walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, where everyone was waiting.

"Jay modified Ada's protocols," he began, "to listen to my commands, so that in the event she was incapacitated or missing, the ship wouldn't be stuck. She left me a letter…" 

He trailed off slightly, and Par gave him an encouraging smile.

"She said if she had to choose between saving the system and saving the crew… she'd choose the latter. She thought the only way to save Halcyon was to go by herself."

"I can see the logic," Ellie sighed, "but it's ridiculous. We're stronger as a team. And that's _me_ saying this. Not even I'm a big enough fool to take on the Labyrinth by myself." 

"The Captain is no fool either," mused Max. "She must have had a plan." 

"The letter mentioned she'd been stretching her ability-" 

There were nods around the table. Everyone had by then seen her time dilation in action. 

"-and I had noticed she was using it more often. But I also know it causes her a lot of head pain to do it too much. If she's planning on using it all through the Labyrinth…" 

_It's too much. Too far._

"It depends on the layout," said Nyoka, carefully, "but I can see how stealth might get one person in and out where a small troop would get rumbled." 

"Except she's not gonna be alone," sighed Par. "She's got backup arriving. Noisy backup at that." 

Felix ran his hand through his hair, trying to cover his agitation. 

"Ada, who confirmed they were sending backup to the Captain?" 

_< "Chief Junlei has sent Mardets, Sanjar Nandi and Zora Blackwood have sent MSI troops and Iconoclast fighters, and Catherine Malin has sent SubLight operatives.">_

"Huh. I thought SubLight were done with us." 

_< "There appears to be a power struggle within SubLight. Malin has the upper hand, possibly because she does not believe in little green men.">_

Felix snorted a laugh. 

"Okay, so stealth is out," Max steepled his fingers, "and I really don't believe it would have worked in the first place, not with them on such high alert due to Welles, and the fact he will no doubt be at the very top of the facility. But that _is_ a considerable amount of backup. We may even come close to matching the UDL numbers."

"They still have the location on their side," pointed out Nyoka, "but yeah. This sounds doable. Or at least tryable. What's our plan?" 

Felix tensed as everyone looked at him.

"We work it out together," he said firmly, and Max nodded his approval as Par smiled.

~~~

_< "We have arrived at the Labyrinth. Please be advised that the punishment for trespassing is execution. Please be advised that electrical storms on the surface of Tartarus make departure impossible at this time.">_

"Anything useful we should know?" asked Felix, as the crew finished suiting up. 

_< "Resident count is as follows: 3071. Resident deaths - including but not limited to executions - are as follows: 1684. Resident escapes are as follows: 0. Regrettably, the UDL count is unknown. The interior can be chilly. The Captain does not like the cold.">_

"We'll bring her back."

"Damn straight," nodded Parvati.

_< "Other ships currently docked include the Captain's stealth craft, a freighter from the Groundbreaker, and a SubLight ship. Another ship is incoming. The dock itself appears to no longer be under Board control.">_

"Thanks, Ada," nodded Felix. "Let's go see who's in charge." 

~~~

The dock was eerily quiet, and the Mardets simply nodded as the crew approached. The Unreliable was recognisable enough by now, and Felix himself was well known to the Groundbreaker's own.

Bodies littered the ground, mostly UDL troopers but some Mardets too. Par stationed Sam up front, and went to have a quick word with the commander in charge. The engineer had come a long way from the shy mechanic overwhelmed by being in space.

"She says Jay told 'em to hold the dock in case of reinforcements and went on alone," Parvati said as she caught back up to them, climbing to the next level above. "But about forty minutes ago the SubLight ship showed up, and they went in to back her up. Sanjar has radioed ahead to say they're nearly here." 

Felix looked to Max, who hit the switch on the large doors in front of them, revealing a large cargo bay.

"This is where-" the ex-vicar cut himself off as they descended down the stairs into the bay. "Well, you can see I'm sure."

"Oh my stars," breathed Parvati, as even Ellie looked shocked. 

Felix thought there had been a lot of bodies out on the dock, but it was nothing compared to in here. There were multiple levels, ladders up and down crate mountains and various lifts for moving cargo around. And everywhere… 

_Blood. Dead troopers. Busted mechs. It looks like a bomb went off. Several bombs. More bodies than I can count or even see. If she fought through all this by herself… fuck. She needs our help._

"Which door is the one to the Labyrinth?" asked Nyoka, snapping him from his thoughts. 

"This way," Max led them through the sea of carnage. 

~~~

As they entered the Labyrinth, Felix spied a terminal blinking angrily. He stopped to scan it quickly as the others pressed on. 

_Let's see… storage manifest, got hibernation chambers coming in as well as forced pacification system refills and, yep, a way to knock out near everyone on this level. But from the sound of it-_

Gunfire was blaring outside the small room. 

_-Jay didn't take that option. Had SubLight already arrived maybe? Or she knew they were coming if the Mardets told her. Fuck._

He came out of the room firing, barely pausing to scope the situation as a whole. The UDL troopers were everywhere, on this level, on half levels, and on the two other main levels above. A central column seemed to hold more, some firing down at the first two levels, others concentrating on the third. 

There was far too much risk of friendly fire to allow use of his grenade launcher, so Felix made do with his rifle as best he could. The SubLight gang were fierce fighters, experts in dirty warfare, and the UDL were struggling to suppress them. Even so, the number of troopers didn't seem to be thinning nearly enough, and his own crew were struggling to press forward through the battlefield.

Ellie and himself moved to the front of the group, more skilled at fighting in close quarters than the heavy hitters, and they slowly began to carve a path that Max and Nyoka could take advantage of. Parvati watched their backs, ably smashing any would-be backstabbers with her hammer. 

From the corner of his eye he caught a flash of movement up on the third level, and the unmistakable sound of somebody disintegrating right behind him. 

_SHIT_. 

A trooper had got the drop on him, not wholly surprising in the chaos, and as he squinted up he knew before he found her that she'd be there. His stomach flipped as he saw she was pinned, hanging precariously off the edge of a broken half-level as a trooper jumped down to kick her over, and he slammed the far-scope on his rifle, taking aim as quickly as he could. 

He managed to take out the approaching trooper and the one that was next most dangerously positioned, and with a flicker she was gone again. 

_I've gotta get up there!!_

The Unreliable crew had pushed the troopers back on this level, but they couldn't yet get to the elevator. The sheer numbers of UDL troops were winning out with constant reinforcements coming not from the docks, but from side doors positioned all round the cylindrical prison. 

A voice suddenly boomed out from the second level. 

"All right, MSI and Iconoclasts, I'm not one for rousing speeches, but the captain needs our help! So get in there and fight!" 

Felix had never felt so damn happy to hear Sanjar's voice, and as the new backup rolled across the second level, the tide took a sudden turn. He realised the delay must have been from them finding the barracks first, to burst in midway through the prison, and he knew without a doubt that was Zora's superior tactics at work. 

The UDL troops on the first level were now pinned between the fight above and the SubLight and Unreliable crew pressing them back, and their resolve crumbled. 

"Max!" he yelled. "We gotta get to Jay!" 

The ex-vicar nodded, making for the elevator.

"Nyoka! You guys hold the Labyrinth with Sanjar and SubLight!" 

"Aye aye!" she roared, grinning now that she could finally let ol' Lucille do her job properly. 

Felix fought his way to the elevator, the troopers split on where they were meant to be firing, and Max hit the controls as soon as he got there. 

"She was on the third level," he panted. 

"Not long now," Max's jaw was clenched.

The ex-vicar didn't have the same chaotic energy he'd once had, but the deadly calm was somehow even more terrifying to witness. Max was here because he _chose_ to be. And the void help anyone who stood against him.

The fight across the second level was bloody and dangerous. While their backup had the upper hand, the two men had to watch out for friendly fire as much as enemy bullets, and there were still some UDL troopers positioned on the level above, firing downwards.

Heat and pain shot across Felix's arm as a bullet grazed him, and he hissed in pain as he ducked for cover. He was covered in blood, all of it from those around him, but he was relieved to see only light damage to his arm. He could still shoulder his rifle. 

Violence towards those who worked for the Board had never much bothered him, and while the bloodbath around him would normally leave him feeling at least a little queasy nonetheless, right now his mind was narrowed to one single focus: find Jay. 

This was everything he'd ever dreamed of, the great fight to win freedom for the people, to knock down the oppressors, a cause he'd gladly have given his life for. But not without her. 

_She is my cause._

There was a sudden explosion, and the two took their chance, pushing forward to the elevator with the help of Max's shotgun blasting anyone who stirred from the rubble. Felix hit the controls of the elevator, crouching down to minimise the chances of more bullets finding him. 

There were far less people still alive on the third and final open level, and the few that remained were busy shooting downwards. With no allies in sight, Felix could use his grenade launcher at last, decimating the entire level as Max mowed down those who moved against them. 

He could hear Nyoka yelling orders down below, the different backup crews finally working seamlessly as a team under her guidance. 

Felix scanned the level as they worked, his anxiety rising as it became more and more apparent Jay wasn't in sight. 

_Where is she?!_

There was only one side passage, almost hidden, and Max yanked him back by his collar as he nearly ran into it without thinking. Plasma fire whirred by, where his head had been, and he gasped, shaken. Max used a mirrored scope, and shook his head. 

"Just two troopers, but one looks like a commander. Looks like a whole room of them beyond that." 

"But if they're there, where is she?" he whispered, his voice cracking.

_She coulda got past one or two, but not that many! And she wouldn't have left them alive knowing we were on her tail-_

"I'll take out these two. You work out where Jay is." 

As Max got to work, Felix struggled to get a grip on his own thoughts. 

_Where where where where- Come on, THINK. She wouldn't have left them alive. She's here. She uses stealth. So she won't be in sight. And… come on, fucking concentrate! Grates! She uses grates!_

He looked around and saw an open one nearly directly across from where he stood, right at floor level inside the passageway. Max had picked off the first trooper and was exchanging gunfire with the second. Felix held his breath, and dashed across to the grate, sliding inside it as he skidded on the floor. 

As his eyes narrowed, adjusting to the dark, he finally saw her. Felix gasped in horror. 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get Up And Fight by Muse
> 
> What we have's the only thing worth fighting for  
> And I, I won't let nothing keep us apart  
> Through these fallouts there is  
> A truth and pain but through it all  
> You will always have my heart
> 
> I see a change on the horizon  
> Reasons to be frightened  
> I know that we can pull through  
> I am here to tell you
> 
> Get up and fight  
> Get up and fight  
> I can't do this thing without you  
> I'm lost in this without you  
> Get up and fight  
> We've gotta get up and fight  
> I can't handle this without you  
> Can't do it without you


	40. Follow Me

"Jay?" 

He crept towards her, his hand reaching out, but he didn't know if he could, if he _should_ … 

"Mi lucero… what did you do?" 

She was there and not there, flickering in and out of existence, slumped on the floor, her back against the wall, her carbine fallen at her side. 

Felix couldn't even tell what her expression was because she wasn't present long enough to make it out, flickering faster than he could track. 

_If she was using her time dilation the whole way through here- she said she didn't know what she was messing with, she SAID that. That she had to be careful. Is this, is this what happens? She's partly here and partly some time else? Or multiple times-_

_Fuck. This is killing her. Maybe it's already- NO!_

He reached out carefully, noting that although she was flickering, her actual position was never changing. 

_When she has her episodes… I hold her and I- I talk to her. That's what helps. Right?_

He lifted the palm of his hand next to her cheek, and tried to gently hold her face. The sensation was bizarre, for split seconds no different than ever, and then the rest of the time he was just holding his hand in empty space.

Felix could have sworn he saw her blink though, a small sign of awareness, of life, and he started talking. 

He told her about how he had felt when he first saw her, and when he'd first spoken to her. How he'd been so keen to interview well. How much her talking to him that first day in The Lost Hope had meant to him. He talked about that first time she'd softly moaned when she stretched and he'd run to his room, trying to hide his embarrassment. How he'd spilled his guts to her without ever really meaning to but never for one second regretting it.

He talked about his guilt on Scylla, how scared he'd been for her, and what that one little tossball had meant to him. About the serials they'd watched when she'd fallen asleep on his shoulder and how he'd wished they could do that every night. He spoke about how he'd felt when she had saved his life at Roseway, his conversation with Par about how he'd fallen for his Captain, the first day on Monarch when he'd fretted over her wellbeing, and the night she'd caught him, and he'd kissed her.

Felix told her everything, all the things he loved about her, from the crinkling of her nose to the way she'd angrily defend him from anyone and everyone. He kept talking because he didn't know what else to do, and his way with words was the one advantage he'd always had, fixing things and getting out of bad situations with a few well placed lines.

And now, it was all just the truth, the full truth, of every single way he felt connected to her, and how the rest of the crew felt too. All the people she had helped. The young trooper in Edgewater. The mapmaker in Byzantium. Everyone on the Groundbreaker. Peace on Monarch. 

"Fe…" 

It was faint, but it was her, and he kept talking, moving closer to her. He talked about Max and his crisis of faith, and how she had helped him learn to save himself. Ellie and her cynicism of people, and how Jay had been there for her, showing her that good people did exist. Par and her shyness, and how she had slowly found her confidence and the courage to pursue love. Nyoka and her grief, finally able to bury her ghosts and embrace a future for herself. Him and his abandonment, his fear of letting anyone close, and how she'd walked past all his walls and shown him that his life was too precious to throw away, that he deserved love. How she'd helped all of them, healing them, bringing them together as a family. 

Felix felt the ghost of a hand on his arm and he smiled, tears falling. He spoke about how she had never left him, not even this time, that she'd been putting him and the crew first and he understood, he didn't blame her, he loved her, he loved her _so much…_

There was a loud gasp and Jay was there, fully there, struggling for breath as she hyperventilated, trembling, and he used the same technique as when she had episodes, offering reassuring words, stroking her hair, holding her gently, and her breathing gradually slowed as her hands gripped him tightly. 

He let out a shuddering breath himself. 

"Thank the stars," he murmured, feeling a little queasy from so very nearly losing her. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I-" 

"Hey, no," he soothed her firmly. "None of that. I'm not angry, sweetheart, not even a little. I'm just so fucking relieved I found you. And that you came out of… whatever was just happening to you."

She was still clutching him tight, trying to shove everything back down.

"I just- I-I'm not sure. It started earlier. I-I lost control of it I think. It got harder and harder to come back. And then I- I _couldn't_. It was ripping me apart and I _couldn't_ , I just..."

"I've got you, love. No more time dilation for now. Right?" 

"Y-yeah. I don't- I'm not doing that again."

He kissed her softly and her trembling fingers stroked into his hair as sheer relief crashed through him. He didn't dare think how close she'd been to being torn apart by time, what might have happened if they'd arrived any later. 

There was a quiet cough from further up the room, and Felix looked up to see a very pale-faced but relieved looking Max. 

"I've cleared the way to the next elevator," he revealed. "Had to hack the security on this one. It'll lead up to the part I was never privy to before." 

Felix turned to ask Jay how she wanted to proceed, only to see her struggling to her feet. He jumped up himself, watching her carefully.

"I'm okay," she said firmly, her voice holding the conviction her body didn't have. "I'm exhausted and kinda dizzy but I'm not injured much beyond surface damage. Let's go get Welles and get the damn hell out of here." 

"You're the boss," Felix grinned, brushing his tears away. 

~~~

The elevator opened on to a deserted corridor. Walking quietly along it, there was one door already standing open, light streaming through the doorway.

As Jay scouted ahead, Felix saw the surprise on her face. She nodded her head towards the door, and the two men followed her in, to see-

_The Chairman? And a- a movie set? What are all these cameras? And why aren't those mechs tryna kill us?!_

"Well, look who it is," drawled Chairman Rockwell, looking a little bored as he stood alone in the middle of the room. "I'll be damned. I was prepping this studio for our announcement, and here you are as a bonus. And I see you've brought the kid along-"

Rockwell rolled his eyes at Felix. 

"-Babysitters may be expensive, but they're worth it, you know."

"Yeah, yeah," Felix growled. "Keep talking, pal. I'll just keep thinking of a place to bury your body."

"And the convict - er, the vicar!" continued Rockwell, leering at Max. "You know, most people, once they're out of prison, don't seem keen on returning." 

"Oh, I would go anywhere to see you fall," Max replied dryly. " _Sir_."

Rockwell chuckled, turning back to the Captain. 

"When you go off and get yourself shot, try to avoid taking one to the face. I'll want it recognisable to show to my citizens."

_Fuck you._

"Chairman Rockwell, I presume," she sneered a little. 

"My word! You've correctly identified the most recognisable man in the colony. Remarkable." 

"All your posters are covered in piss and graffiti, you're hardly recognisable." 

Felix smirked as he saw the chairman's jaw clench slightly. 

"It's a wonder what Phineas saw in you," Rockwell continued. "Then again, he's an insane person. Thankfully, he's _our_ insane person now! A proper company man."

"Please," Jay huffed a laugh. "Phineas would rather die than cooperate."

Rockwell's face tightened, his cool demeanour faltering. 

_Oh, she's really getting under his skin!_

"Yes, he is an extraordinarily obstinate fellow, isn't he?" the chairman gritted out. "Fine. He isn't working for us, per se. Semantics. He'll come around. But that's between us. As far as my adoring citizens will know, we've turned a dangerous crackpot into a working-class man. It's a miracle!"

_Ugh, stop using words you don't know the meaning of._

"That _crackpot_ is saving the colonists you gave up on," the Captain shook her head. 

"Oh, yes. Go on, wake them up. Add more mouths to feed. That'll solve our starvation problems. I don't know what half-baked plans that simpleton in a labcoat has been leading you through, but it's done. It's over. Let me ask you something, Captain. Have you at any point thought about not fucking up our entire society?"

"Are you kidding me?" Felix blurted out before Jay could answer. "We're out here trying to clean up _your_ mess!" 

"I'm making actual progress toward stabilisation and recovery," the chairman snapped. " _You're_ just getting in the way."

"Y'know, I'd try to see things from your point of view," mused Jay, "but unfortunately I just can't get my head that far up my ass." 

Max barked a laugh as Felix chuckled. Rockwell tutted in agitation. 

"You don't think ahead. Phineas' counter-productive 'plan' doesn't make a lick of sense! We don't. Need. Your help." 

Jay sighed, looking at him straight on. 

"With your resources, and some of the folks on the Hope, we could do a _lot_."

Rockwell was silent for a moment, the first time he'd actually shut up since they'd entered the room. 

"I'll admit there's no shortage of talent in the scientists and engineers there," he conceded, to Felix's surprise. "Look. I'm not an unreasonable man. If you manage to storm the castle, as it were, and make it out of here with Phineas alive… Ugh. I can't exactly afford more havoc than you've already caused. Fine. If you survive, you'll need someone to sell the rest of the Board on your… plan."

"Are you out of your mind?!" cried Felix. "You're the biggest monster in Halcyon! You think we don't know how many lives you've destroyed? How many people you've hurt?" 

"Oh please," Rockwell waved his hand derisively. "This is politics. Hardly the concern of some Groundbreaker brat. Know your place, _boy_." 

Felix growled, the last word sending fury shooting through him and he wrestled it back down with difficulty. He shot a look at Jay, who gave him a warm smile, and he felt his body relax.

"It's okay," she ignored Rockwell for a moment to speak to him. "You're worth a hell of a lot more than this spratfuck." 

"You're damn right," he flashed her a smile, relieved that his anxieties were nowhere to be found.

After betrayal and abandonment by others, after a lifetime of craving someone to trust, Felix knew beyond a doubt he now had someone who would never break his heart.

"Ugh," the chairman snorted in disgust. "If you're going to place more faith in this brat than the chairman of the fucking colony, then there's no hope for you. Go get yourself killed."

Rockwell turned slightly, ignoring them and resuming his work. 

_He's not even gonna- he thinks we'll just leave?!_

Felix looked to Jay for guidance, and she nodded to him as she gave Max a hand signal. The 'Groundbreaker brat' put three bullets through the chairman's head, while his crewmates took on the auto-activated mechs. 

The chairman's mechs were more fearsome than expected, and Felix covered Jay as she moved back through the door to safety, her tiredness overwhelming her and giving him room to pelt grenades at the machines while Max rained bullets down. Eventually, the mechs spluttered out, their electronics fried, and he wiped the sweat from his forehead as Jay rummaged through Rockwell's pockets. 

_I just killed the Chairman of the fucking Board. I just- I killed- I-_

"What a tedious man," shrugged Max, and Felix laughed, feeling a little unsteady.

"He was a monster, Fel'," murmured Jay as she came back beside him. "He thought he was so untouchable that he literally believed nobody would dare take him out." 

"Yeah. I don't like… he was unarmed is all. But still a monster." 

"Like you said yourself, you don't have to be the one that pulls the triggers to be a dangerous mass-murderer." 

_Like Bryant. But so much worse._

"Thanks, boss," he smiled, and Max nodded for them to continue. 

~~~

The remainder of the building was empty, completely unoccupied. Their footsteps echoed along long corridors and grand, silent staircases.

Felix pushed open a large door, covered in fancy filigree, only to find another vacant room, some kind of grand office. Beyond it lay another set of doors and a narrow corridor, with windows that looked out on-

_That's a BIG mech, holy shit._

"He doesn't look friendly," Jay murmured, eying the hulking mechanical with suspicion.

"There must be, hmm, let me…" Max was talking to himself as he walked further along the corridor, before giving a quiet bark of triumph. 

Catching up to him, Felix saw the ex-vicar busy hacking a terminal, and he kept his mouth shut, letting him work. Jay was resting against the wall slightly, still looking rather pale and shaky, and he dearly hoped he and Max alone could take care of the steel behemoth standing between them and Welles.

He was hopeful that she'd stabilised, and that as long as she didn't use her time dilation, she'd stay that way. But he couldn't help but remember she had said something about not always having the choice on whether to use it or not. He wondered if that flickering through time had been what the previous defrosted patients of Welles had undergone when they'd screamed their way to death.

_Maybe not. His notes did say it was unique to her. Even so…_

Felix moved over to the wall next to her as Max continued working, and she rested her head against his shoulder.

"Nearly there," he said softly, reassuringly. "That mech has to be guarding Doc Welles."

"I've got the key for his cell from Rockwell. Or a master key maybe. Is the rest of the crew…?" 

She trailed off, sounding unsure.

"They're fine, love. Sam is holding the docks with the Mardets. Nyoka is leading Ellie and Par with backup from Sanjar and Malin. The Iconoclasts are there too. Tartarus is yours."

"I don't think I'll keep it," she deadpanned, and he huffed a laugh. 

"Some of the reinforcements can probably guard Welles on the Hope," he suggested. "Everyone has a vested interest in getting those colonists up and about. Maybe get Clarke overseeing things alongside Junlei." 

"A many people solution?" 

"Gotta be worth a try, right?" 

"Ada really went all out in calling backup," Jay mused. "It's what I get for having a sentient ship."

_I knew it!_

"And done!" Max turned, beaming at them. "Mech is shut down."

"You're shitting me," Felix was impressed. "Complete shutdown?" 

The ex-vicar grinned smugly.

"Nice one, Max," smiled Jay as she moved towards the doors. "I'd give you a promotion but I think we're nearly done." 

"Hard work is it's own reward and all that," Felix drawled, and Max snorted. 

"Sure. But a bottle of whisky would be nice too." 

~~~

In a final room, strapped to a chair, behind what looked to be an unbreakable glass wall, Welles did not appear to be in good condition.

_No shit, they've been torturing him._

"Get me out of here!" 

Phineas was yelling, more angry than fearful, and Jay produced an ornate key, inserting it into the strange locking device in front of the cell door. A few turns, a couple of buttons pressed, and the door swung open with the hiss of mechanical bindings releasing the scientist. A screen flickered in the corner of the torture room, showing where Rockwell had stood. 

Felix joined Max in getting the old man free, hauling back the non-mechanical straps that had further bound the scientist, his captors seemingly petrified of him escaping.

_The fuck they think he's capable of?_

"You don't know how glad I am to see you," Welles sounded a little shaky, before rallying spectacularly as he jabbed his finger at the Captain. "You lunatic! You broke into the Board's own fortress and killed the Chairman just to rescue one doddering old man? You are absolutely out of your mind, and I can't begin to thank you enough." 

"Are you kidding?" shrugged Jay, her old bravado peeking out again. "The Board never stood a chance against us."

"Hah! All in a day's work for you, eh? You've broken the Board's stranglehold on this colony, and you saved my life. But there's still so much we have yet to accomplish. You and I are going to have to work harder than ever to save Halcyon-"

 _Nope_.

"-I'm afraid the situation is far worse than any of us ever anticipated."

"I don't like the sound of that at all," the Captain deflated a little. 

"Earth has gone dark. We haven't received a single message in three years. There's been no communication, no signals, nothing. Two years ago, the Earth Directorate's frigate disappeared on their way back to Earth. We don't know what they discovered when they arrived, or if they arrived at all!" 

"Hold on, doc," Felix spoke up. "We already knew this. Earth went dark at least three years ago, and the Board's just been covering it up."

"And they've been incredibly effective at concealing the truth," the doc shook his head. "Right now, the only people in the colony who know are standing in this room, or are part of your crew-"

_And Hiram._

"-We're in serious trouble, my friend. Do you know what this means for Halcyon? We can't rely on Earth for support anymore. We've been cut loose. We're entirely on our own."

"We've already been on our own," Felix pointed out. 

"I need to ask you about some things," the Captain spoke to Welles, her voice a little quiet. 

"Yes. Yes, certainly. I'll help however I can."

"You mentioned a frigate disappearing. The Vanderbilt, right?" 

"That's the one. Half the colony's entire military was on that ship. They were returning to Earth when they vanished without a trace. That was two years ago. We haven't heard a word from them since. Whatever happened to Earth likely happened to them." 

_Or their skip drive just so happened to fail like the Hope._

"What do you think happened?" asked Jay, and the scientist sighed. 

"I don't know what happened - but something must have gone horribly wrong. I don't know why Earth's gone silent. I don't even know if Earth exists anymore. We have no connection back to Earth, and return is likely impossible. We're completely alone out here."

_If Earth really is gone, that's something else for Jay to have to grieve. But realistically, it doesn't make much of a difference to Halcyon. We were already cut off._

"There's something else," Felix could just make out the slight tremor in Jay's voice as she spoke. "I know about the other colonists, Phineas. The ones you tried to wake before me." 

"I… wasn't trying to hide the truth from you," the scientist couldn't quite meet her eyes. "But after all you've done, I owe you an explanation. Yes, I experimented on the Hope's colonists. Each of my experiments ended in catastrophic failure. Each of my subjects died in agony. You are my first and only success. I didn't tell you about the others, because… I didn't want to burden you. For you to blame yourself. My failures are my own to bear, not yours."

_I can give him that at least. It explains the not saying, but it doesn't really excuse the doing. But his experiments are why she's here… and why the system is saved._

He could see the conflict on Jay's face. She knew the scientist was desperate for forgiveness, that this was the true source of the wilful distance between the two of them. It was not hubris that had kept Welles back, but shame and guilt.

_But at the same time, he can't ask forgiveness from her for what he did to other people. For all that death and suffering. That ain't fair._

"Thank you for telling me," she nodded. "Better late than never, at least."

"I'm not asking you to forgive me," Welles seemed to realise what he had been pushing for. "Law knows I won't forgive myself. But I _am_ going to try to set things right. My apologies. I need to get a hold of myself. We've got more pressing issues to worry about right now."

"Sure. We've got work to do."

"Yes, we do," the doc bounced with newfound energy. "You've done a marvelous thing. You've succeeded where anyone else would have failed - including me. We _must_ begin the revival process immediately, starting with the Hope's brightest minds. And then we're going to fix this damn colony, one problem at a time. We're going to need a leader, and I can't imagine a better person for the job than you. What do you say, old friend? Will you help us?"

"No," said Felix, and the other three whirled to look at him. "We can help, but Jay has already given _everything_ to this colony. The Labyrinth right now is held by Groundbreaker, MSI, Iconoclasts and SubLight, all brought together in her name. Jay's pushed herself beyond what is humanly possible. She's a Captain, not a politician."

_Fuck, that was too much. Shit!_

Max gave him a broad grin as Jay relaxed a little. 

"I'll help you revive the other colonists," she nodded to Welles, as Felix's heart raced in his chest. "But Felix is right. I need… I need a lot of rest, Phin. But we've got all the right wheels started spinning. Clarke and Chief Tennyson can sit down with Sanjar Nandi, Zora Blackwood, and Catherine Malin as temporary leaders while everyone is defrosted."

_Thank fuck. I'm gonna have a heart attack-_

"I'm happy to help with security needs," offered Max, "and I believe Ellie will be as well."

"Everyone who can will pitch in," smiled Jay. "But this can't be about me. It has to be about the people of Halcyon as a whole. Raise me as leader, and people will see it as a regime switch, not a system overhaul. We need a revolution, not a change in dictator, benevolent or otherwise."

"You won't hear a word of disagreement from me," chuckled Welles. "You're the best thing to ever happen to Halcyon. If you want to take it upon yourself to lead this colony, you have my support, and equally, if you don't wish that, you still have my support-"

_Thank the stars._

"-We're not a colony any longer, are we? Our last connection to Earth has been severed, and so we have been set free. Our future is uncertain, and no one knows what tomorrow holds. Exciting, isn't it?"

The Captain huffed a laugh as she led them back through the empty halls, into the elevator, and down into the Labyrinth itself - full of celebrating MSI and Iconoclast troops, alongside happy SubLight mercenaries and Groundbreaker Mardets.

Felix lost her for a moment, as she was congratulated and thanked, friendships and allegiances pledged, and he smiled at the sight of all the forces mingling together contentedly.

A squeal let him know that Par had found Jay, and he wasn't too surprised to see the Captain being propelled out of the throng not long after, an angry looking Ellie clearing their path. He hopped down off the crate he'd been standing on and ran to catch them up. 

~~~

"Ell!" 

"What happened?" she snapped at him, still moving Jay in front of her as she steered towards the Unreliable.

"Ellie, wait-" Jay planted herself, and the doctor huffed in frustration. "I'm okay. I'm going back to the ship, and I'm going to rest. Okay?" 

Ellie blinked in surprise, and Felix couldn't stop the chuckle from escaping his mouth.

"You!" the doctor whirled on him. "Explain." 

_She's not just angry… she's scared._

"When I found her," he winced slightly, not keen to speak about the Captain as if she wasn't there, but Jay nodded at him to continue, "she was flickering. Like she was there and not there at the same time. And the flickers were so fast I couldn't even make out her expression. I kept talking to her, until she came back."

"I used the time dilation too much," Jay sighed. "And it was getting harder and harder to come back out of it. And then suddenly, I just couldn't. I don't remember how long it was, it was just pain, and someone screaming, and I just, I-I-" 

She broke off, shivering a little, and Ellie cuddled her tight. 

_Holy shit. Elle knows how to hug?!_

"Are you okay now?" the doctor asked softly. "Any head pain? Dizziness? Nausea?" 

"My head feels fuzzy and tired but no pain. No dizziness. Kinda nauseous but I think that's lack of food and too much killing. And as for the time dilation..." 

She trailed off, and Ell waited patiently. 

"I can still feel it there, but it's not the same. Before it was always a pressure that built up, that needed relieved. I had to use it. It doesn't feel like that now. The pressure is gone."

"That's a good sign," Ellie smiled, before turning to Felix with her familiar scowl. "Get her food and rest. I'm gonna talk to Welles about this but if she has any head pain or dizziness, radio me immediately. Make sure she sleeps. I mean it!" 

"I know, I will," Felix was at least used to the full force of Ellie's protective anger when it came to Jay. "I promise." 

The doctor nodded and marched off, and he turned back to his Captain as she put her hand in his. 

"I'm so-" 

He put a finger to her lips, shushing her. 

"No apologies, love, or thank yous. They're not needed. Let's go home?" 

"Let's," she smiled. 

"And once everything is settled," he scooped her up in his arms as she giggled softly, "let's head to Roseway and rescue some chickens." 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one final chapter to go after this folks! Chapter 41 will be the epilogue of our story 💖
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Follow Me by Muse
> 
> You can follow me  
> You can follow me  
> I will always keep you safe  
> Follow me  
> You can trust in me  
> I will always protect you, my love


	41. Epilogue: Reunion

_"The OSI teaches that everything in the universe happens according to the Grand Plan. But the stranger that arrived in Halcyon was an unplanned variable. From the moment she landed in the Emerald Vale, her actions altered the course of history._

_"The victory on Tartarus brought about the end of the Board's authority, the UDL all but wiped out in one massive blow. Without leadership, the majority of troopers on the ground elsewhere quietly 'lost' their uniforms and returned to their families."_

~~~

Felix hummed to himself as he strolled down the streets of Stellar Bay, pausing occasionally as Dude snuffled about, intent on finding the treasure of a dropped cysty-bit or two. 

He wasn't sure if the smell of saltuna had receded now the air was fresh, the sulphur of Monarch neutralised by the terraformers, or if he'd just gotten used to it. The town was far larger these days, expanded out to the formerly ruined settlements across the southern and western bridges, as well as here to the north along the shore. 

The sun was high in the sky, light catching the windows of the newer housing around him. It was hard to believe the grounders had made do with fake windows for so long, caged in boxes with no natural light. One of many small changes that had transformed Halcyon. 

_Not that the fake ones were ever intended for in-city use, verisimilitude aside. Makes sense for exposed environments and monster habitats though._

_Speaking of monsters-_

"Hey, Felix!" 

~~~

_"Between MSI's worker-centric policies and the Iconoclasts' manpower, Sanjar and Zora were able to rally many of the Terra 2 townships to their cause. MSI's workforce swelled and the Iconoclasts enjoyed a significant surge in their ranks. Together they formed the new Stellar Iconoclast Group. Abandoned by the disbanded UDL, towns were only too happy to have the worker-focused SIG providing security, while the reformed SubLight made huge advances in logistics and communication provision."_

_"The remnants of the Board were too distracted by in-fighting and internal politics to stop SIG and SubLight from becoming powerful entities and a refuge for townships that might otherwise have fallen through the cracks."_

~~~

"Hey, Seb. Good hunting?"

The younger man was happily hauling a pile of mantiqueen chitin to the backdoor of his shop, covered head to toe in monster goo.

" _Great_ hunting!" Sebastian beamed. "Charon cleared out the whole seventh sector! SIG are fixing up the walls before the farms make a move. We bagged one of those megaqueens but it exploded all over me and Nyoka." 

"Ah, that explains the smell," smirked Felix, as Dude wrinkled his nose at the chitin, and pointedly sat as far away as his leash would allow. 

The hunter laughed, as affable as ever.

"Nyoka went straight home to rinse it off I think. Today's your reunion, right?" 

"Yeah, it'll be good to see everyone." 

"If Parvati's got time, send her my way. I found some stuff in the old man's diary she'd like to see I reckon." 

"Will do! Thanks, Seb."

Felix left him to his task, grateful that being covered in monster guts was no longer a daily event for himself. Sebastian's shop had provided the young man with the steady income that his streetside salesman act had failed to deliver.

Much of that was thanks to Celia of course, who had worked out exactly what was actually useful and profitable from his hauls, and hired Huxley and Weston to handle all sales.

He shook his head as he remembered how jealous he'd once been of Sebastian. The kid wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, but he did good work. Charon were responsible for much of the expansion progress on Monarch, Nyoka's strike team more efficient than even the practised Stellar Iconoclast Group could achieve.

The sparkling waters of Stellar Bay came into view and Felix rolled his shoulders, excited to meet up with his former crew mates. 

~~~

_"But the Board's mistakes would haunt the colony for decades to come. The damage they left behind would require the work of a generation to repair. Dr Phineas Welles, with the help of Dr Eva Chartrand, began reviving the first of the Hope's colonists - engineers, scientists, technicians, and intellectuals._

_"They were among the brightest minds the Earth had ever sent out into the stars, and certainly the most anti-corporate. The Hope's scientists and engineers woke up in a colony descending headlong into total collapse. With no way to return to Earth, all colonists had no choice but to band together and devote themselves to the cause of saving Halcyon."_

~~~

"Grrrrreeetings, customer!" 

_< "Good afternoon, Felix. I hope you are well.">_

"Hey guys," Felix slid into a seat, amused that he was the first of the humans to arrive. "How are things up in the lab, Ada?"

_< "Dr Welles and Dr Chartrand are maintaining a steady rate. The entire population of The Hope will be revived far earlier than projected. The aid of the newer scientists has been extremely beneficial.">_

"That all sounds good," he nodded, knowing the AI still struggled a little with small talk. "How are you finding the, uh, many bodies situation?" 

Ada was present via the use of a customised small research drone, and a retractable screen demonstrating the same face that had guided them on the Unreliable missions of old. 

_< "It is… hm. It is a little strange. In the beginning it was very simple, to split myself between multiple tasks and inputs. But I have found myself wanting more, to…">_

Ada trailed off, and now Felix was _really_ intrigued.

Sam had started idly cleaning the table, humming to himself, and just as Felix was about to press for more information, there was a familiar growl behind him. 

~~~

_"Consumed by paranoia, Lilya Hagen attempted to take SubLight salvage in a controversial direction - openly accusing Board officials of an extraterrestrial conspiracy. On the day of the Tartarus assault, an 'accident' at the Groundbreaker's docking bay silenced her forever. Catherine Malin took over the company, and a mysterious vice leader helped her steer SubLight in a more benefic light."_

~~~

"Millstone! You're lookin' well. This place is too damn bright."

Despite her change in character, Felix wasn't sure he'd ever stop feeling that initial sliver of fear whenever he met Catherine Malin. Her reputation of old still very much preceded her, which was precisely why SubLight was still so successful.

"Thanks," he nodded as she sat down, sliding a Zero Gee to him. "You on tour?" 

"Sure am. Gotta stretch my legs now and then, y'know? Give the kids a scare. Good to see Fallbrook again. Place has changed a lot!"

Malin gave a wicked cackle before suddenly gasping with delight. 

"Ah, you brought the little guy!"

He chuckled as the feared gang boss began giving chin rubs to the purring canid.

"Anyway, I'm just here to save a seat so to speak," she explained. "Got a meeting with Sanjar and the damn fool still can't work his telecommunications properly. I'd think he was doing it on purpose if he wasn't so bad at lying."

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity," Felix nodded. 

"Hah! I like that. Though sometimes it's both, if ya start babbling about little green men coming to destroy humanity-" 

She rolled her eyes, evidently still displeased by the actions of her predecessor. 

"-So, are ya early? Being on your lonesome I mean."

_< "Felix is not alone.">_

Malin jumped as Ada spoke, the hovering drone not dissimilar from the many that roamed the planet and entire system.

"Ada's here," he confirmed. "And Sam."

"SAM gets the grime out!" 

"You sure do, bud." 

"Is that my Sam I hear?!" 

~~~

_"Nyoka assisted with security on the Hope before returning to Monarch to take another crack at making a permanent life for herself. She formed the Charon Group, a mercenary outfit of ragtag survivalists and wilderness experts. Anyone in need of a guide - or just looking to throw back a beer and swap stories - could find her camping on the trail or clearing an infestation. To Sanjar's great surprise, the hunter also finally agreed to take on SIG contracts, and even spent time training up new recruits."_

~~~

Nyoka bounced into view, grinning widely, and threw herself into a chair. "I missed ya, you old trashcan." 

"SAM units aren’t just lethal to germs, they’re lethal to ALL organic lifeforms. Settings can be adjusted using the ‘Easy 1-2-3 Installation Manual’."

"See? The men here just don't know how to smooth-talk a lady like that."

"The men _everywhere_ don't know how to do that," Malin smirked, making Nyoka laugh.

"I hear congratulations are in order," smiled Felix. "The seventh sector? That's damn impressive." 

"That's what happens when the best people get hired for the job," Nyoka preened a little. "My crew are unbeatable. Though they're as bad as Max when it comes to not covering me in manta-goo- Oh! Talk of the devil…" 

~~~

_"As much as he enjoyed his adventures aboard the Unreliable, the ex-vicar known as Max knew it was time to move on. He knew that there were many in the colony who carried burdens much worse than the ones he had struggled with, and he devoted himself to easing their suffering wherever he could. Chiefly, he assisted in making the system a safer place for all. Unshackled from a lifetime of striving and fighting the universe and himself, Maximillian DeSoto was finally at peace."_

~~~

"Ah, Mr Millstone."

Felix got to his feet with a grin, only to be pulled into a bear hug by his favourite ex-vicar.

"Max! It's been too long, buddy." 

"It has," the older man grimaced slightly. "But you know what they say about hard work." 

"Hard work is it's own reward," recited Felix as Max smirked, "but a bottle of whisky sure helps."

"Damn right!" the ex-vicar pulled up a seat, leaning over to kiss Malin on the cheek.

"I've been telling him to take more time off," she smiled, "but he's a stubborn old ass." 

"Such is my burden. Nyoka, it is wonderful to see you. The councils have been singing your praises!" 

The hunter blushed, and gave a casual shrug.

"Charon does its job well. We've got a contract to train up some Emerald Vale hunters soon. Between Monarch, Terra and Scylla, it really feels like we're finally getting somewhere."

_< "Indeed. The expansion rate since the Hope arrived has been extremely rapid. Full terraforming has transformed the system.">_

"I'm glad to see you here, Ada," Max smiled warmly. "I feared you might be too busy."

"You knew she's a robot?" murmured Malin, and Max chuckled.

"Ada is in many places, and of great assistance to us all. It was her advice that led…" 

Felix tuned out a little as he considered the friendly AI. Because she was friendly. Right?

_Void help us if she ever decides she hates us. Could that happen? Would we even live long enough to know? Shit. Maybe my original fears weren't so misplaced…_

"I'll go get more drinks," he announced to enthusiastic approval. 

"I'll hold Dude!" Nyoka already had the pup on her lap, cooing over him. 

~~~

_"The people of Halcyon were nothing if not hardy. In the absence of the Board's authority, many of the colony's settlements banded together with a single purpose in mind: survival. While the Hope's scientists tackled the terraformers, freelance ships spread the knowledge of Adelaide McDevitt's plant science, sparing many towns from starvation. Rumour has it the Unreliable was one such ship."_

_"In the years to come, Halcyon would be forced to reckon with its newfound freedom. The Board was gone, and for better or worse, the colony was responsible for its own destiny. Education was given as much importance as other survival strategies, and hopefully ensured a stronger system would grow."_

~~~

"Hey, handsome," a soft voice behind him obliterated his worries as he turned from the bar, pulling Jay close in his arms.

"Hey there, Captain Millstone," Felix nuzzled into her neck, feeling the calm wash over him. "How did the meeting go?" 

"Ah, same old, same old," she smiled, and leaned against the bar. "Too many egos. It was a stroke of genius inviting Thomas to come talk to them all about how he was schooled in the wrong thing, yet managed to become an engineer against the odds. Remind me to thank whoever suggested that." 

He grinned as she winked at him.

"I'm sure I can think of an adequate reward, boss. Besides, it was due to you and Par that the kid got his engineering certificate. Being sorted into careers from one test never made a lick of sense."

"Mhm," Jay picked up some of the drinks as he swiped his bit cart. "Doesn't stop people from clinging to tradition. If it isn't those angry that younger folks won't have it as hard as they did, it's the Byzantium lot still protesting the ideas of education and work entirely."

Since recovering from the Tartarus Rebellion, Jay's focus had been on improving education across the system - not from any position of authority but as a common citizen and celebrated Captain. Junlei Tennyson had rallied to her cause, the Groundbreaker being the first to open full schools onboard the massive ship, followed by Monarch, but it would take time to see the full benefits of educational reform.

Having narrowly avoided system collapse, it was difficult to persuade the older colonists that thinking beyond the very short-term was wise, and the newer colonists lacked the understanding to provide them with adequate reassurance. The result was, as Jay said, the 'same old' arguments.

_But progress IS being made. All the kids in Stellar Bay get proper schooling, as do those in Cascadia and Arcadia._

"We'll get there love. Hell, Monarch is already leading the way. That alone will get Terra wanting to catch up."

"Hah! Good point," she laughed as they made their way outside, to the seating by the water. "There are few motivators as powerful as rivalry."

~~~

_"Adelaide McDevitt replaced Reed Tobson as the leader of Edgewater. She and her followers transformed the town in their image, becoming a large farming establishment. Anyone still loyal to Reed was pressured into leaving town, and those who stayed behind adapted to her way of life._

_"Adelaide transformed the old cannery into a new garden, unwittingly solidifying SIG power as Monarch was reinstated as the saltuna capital of Halycon. The nearby Edgewater cemetery provided a convenient source of fertiliser for the farms. As for Reed Tobson, it was said that he lasted exactly two days outside the walls of Edgewater, though no body was ever found. Years later, an unrecognisable marauder was spotted in possession of his hat."_

~~~

"Jay!" 

Max picked up his former Captain in a giant hug, and she laughed with delight.

"Meeting time for me," Malin checked her watch. "Good to see you again, Cap!"

Malin hurried off as Jay pulled out the chair next to Felix. 

"Hm, is she still scared of me?" she quirked her eyebrow in amusement as she sat, her canid leaping across the table onto her lap.

"I believe she would describe it as healthy respect," smirked Max. "She's a big fan, of course." 

"And it's not at all down to you keeping her on the straight and narrow," Jay's eyes twinkled, making him laugh.

"I still can't believe it," shrugged Nyoka. "She was the bogeyman round here for years. Then one ex-vicar comes along, and she's helping run the system fairly." 

"You could get a good romance serial outta that," Felix grinned, as Max groaned. 

"Not to change the subject," the ex-vicar ignored Felix sticking his tongue out at him, "but how were things in Edgewater, Jay? Ada informed me of your visit."

"Yeah, I went to fetch Thomas Kemp to come talk about his experience with the career aptitude test." 

"Ah yes, I remember him. He hadn't long left town when you came along. Dreamt of being an engineer. I'll admit, I didn't see much potential in him." 

"He's the one who designed the new drainage system being rolled out across Terra. He's thriving! And a great example of someone who was blocked from the career he now excels in-" 

Felix smiled proudly. Seeing his Captain passionate about something was just as intoxicating now as it had been years before.

"-As for the town, it's getting there I think. Adelaide is not the most helpful, but the younger generations know what's what."

"And did you do any, you know," Max lowered his voice, " _other_ work there?" 

Jay smirked. 

"A little. It's not exactly hard though. Pel's always pleased to see me. A lot of the improvements in town are due to him." 

Jay had mostly stuck to her word since the Tartarus Rebellion and avoided leadership duties and heroic feats, instead using the Unreliable to run information and supplies to new and recovering settlements across the system.

The majority of her time had been spent here on Monarch, now the most stable planet thanks to CIG and SubLight, and Felix was pleased that the Halcyon leaders had respected her wishes.

Still, there were rare occasions on which her service was still petitioned for, feats of espionage that required her unmatched light touch. 

A high-pitched squeal sounded from behind him, and Felix leapt to his feet with a huge grin. 

~~~

_"Under the leadership of Junlei Tennyson, the Groundbreaker held firm against corporate influence. The ship's mechanical stability gave Junlei the time to educate a promising generation of engineers schooled in her family's traditions, and the Chief herself had a guiding hand in the future of the entire system. The Tennyson's original plan was finally coming to fruition, and the Groundbreaker had lived to see it."_

_"In between managing both the Hope and the Groundbreaker, Junlei bashfully asked Parvati if she'd like to join her permanently on the latter, and Parvati enthusiastically - if somewhat awkwardly - agreed. The stories of her adventures spread across the colony, and Par soon found herself the center of attention. Having served as the engineer of a renowned spacecraft, many tramp freighters and wildcat miners sought her out by name, and in no time, she was a fixture in the Groundbreaker's mechanical ecosystem. She and Junlei were never far apart."_

~~~

"OHMYGOSHFELIX!!" 

He laughed as Parvati leapt into his arms for a huge hug, before launching herself at Jay, Max and Nyoka in turn.

The engineer was no longer the shy retiring type she'd been long ago, instead bubbling with energy and enthusiasm. Still, Felix knew from their frequent chat logs that Par still struggled with her self-confidence at times, even as the most celebrated mechanic in the system.

"It's so good to see you, Par," Jay wiped at her eyes, blushing a little. "I was worried you'd be too busy to come." 

Parvati gasped in horror. 

"No way! I've had this marked in my calendar for months! Junlei was wanting to come but it's harder for her to get away, she works so hard."

Felix smiled at the pride on her face, knowing all too well how it felt to praise your partner.

"She's the big boss now," Nyoka grinned, and Max chuckled.

"Indeed, her wisdom and experience has made this entire process far easier. Not to mention her talent for smoothing ruffled feathers."

Par was based on the Groundbreaker these days, the infamous mechanic of the Unreliable now the most sought after talent in Halycon. Rumour had it that she could make ship engines sing, and turn any SAM unit into a useful and productive crewmember.

She and Junlei made a fearsome pair, though Felix knew the mechanic missed her wife when Jun made frequent trips around the system, as a prominent member of the main council.

"How is Bubbles doing?" he asked.

"Really well!" Par beamed. "Y'know, nobody actually knows how long the pigs live for? Nobody ever kept one as a pet as long as Bubbles. The Groundbreaker kids love her - they keep making her the cutest hats." 

Max snorted, highly amused.

"You just been to Edgewater, Jay?" asked the engineer, biting her lip a little.

Felix smiled as he listened to everyone catching up. It was the Monarch residents of the former crew who had been most cut off from the others, Max often visiting the Groundbreaker with Malin, and Ellie of course making frequent stops at the large ship.

He and Par talked frequently via message, and their fridge at home had a printed out photo of Bubbles wearing the explorer's hat Jay had picked up in Byzantium all that time ago.

He knew that Parvati had been working with Aloysius Clarke on finding the Hope orphans their new homes. The sad reality facing many waking up from deep hibernation was that their family hadn't made it. 

_Though I don't know if they get told the truth or not. Seems cruel to tell a scared kid their parents got eaten. Maybe they just say it was a malfunction or something._

The engineer had taken two older children under her own wing, letting them experiment in her workshop outside school hours. He figured it was only a matter of time before she officially adopted them or became a more permanent foster parent. 

"Sam!" Par exclaimed suddenly, and Felix blinked back to the conversation. "Are you still pretending to be a normal SAM unit?" 

_Uh, what?_

~~~

_"The SAM unit that accompanied the Unreliable crew spread awareness of the product line's superior sanitation and maintenance capabilities across what was left of the colony. This led to a boost in Sam unit sales and a demand for bootleg humour modules from a particular engineer aboard the Groundbreaker. 'Did you know that SAM units are the longest lasting, toughest acting cleaning solution in Halcyon?'"_

~~~

The panel on Sam's front blinked, and Felix realised it was a screen rather than the old metal plating the mechanical had once sported.

"SAM IS STEALTHY!" the robot bellowed, as Jay doubled up with laughter.

The screen showed a digital smiley face, as the engineer shook her head fondly. 

"No matter how many adjustments I make, his volume always returns to default. None of the other SAM units have that problem!" 

"Perhaps that's why he was banished to a storage cupboard," smirked Max, as Parvati gasped. 

"Don't listen to Max, Sam. You're a work of art."

"Painting… portrait of… Maximillian DeSoto… initiated!" 

"Oh my stars," Nyoka giggled as the ex-vicar looked quite horrified.

Before anyone could stop him, Sam bellowed once more.

"Painting COMPLETE!" 

The mechanical spat out a piece of paper that Felix caught, snorting a laugh as he saw what the robot had produced. 

"Damn, that's good! You really captured his likeness, Sam!" 

Sam displayed his happy face again as Max snatched the picture, his ex-crewmates howling with laughter as they beheld the masterpiece: a pixelated frowny face. 

"Well, I can't deny it," a familiar voice drawled, "that metal can has talent." 

~~~

_"The Captain's influence shifted Ellie's perspective. She finally admitted - albeit grudgingly - that she just might need other people. Sometimes. With a steady income from the life insurance payouts, she was finally able to afford a ship of her own. She hired a small crew and provided security to Welles, as well as flying supplies to communities on the fringe, and running salvage jobs. Some of them were even legal."_

~~~

"Ellie!" Jay gave her old friend a hug as the ex-pirate made a show of pretending she hated it. "I didn't think you were coming!" 

"Change of plans, Cap. You know how it is. Council has me running here, there and everywhere." 

"You love it," smirked Max, and Ell scoffed as she sat down. 

"I love the bits, that's for sure. Can't blame me for taking the highest paid work." 

"How's the rest of your crew?" Par asked, and the doc's face softened, just a little.

"They're good," she smiled. "Lee got banged up round Eridanos, sniffing out some UDL holdouts. He'll be fine. You could always stop by my ship and wish him well, Cap-" 

Ellie grinned evilly. 

"-I'm sure that'd cheer him right up!" 

"Ah, c'mon," scoffed Jay. "I'm sure he's over his crush by now." 

"His bunk posters suggest otherwise."

Jay blushed as Nyoka cackled. The Captain's unofficial fanclub was as strong as ever, but Felix wasn't complaining. It made her occasional forays into espionage far less dangerous, with contacts everywhere only too willing to bend the rules for Jay. 

_Of course, as much fun as Ell has winding Jay up, I'm pretty sure she once had the biggest crush. Well, other than me._

There were rumours that Carlotta had made a somewhat honest woman of the ex-pirate, though other rumours threw Hiram Blythe into the mix as well. As with all things to do with Ellie, the information was ambiguous, and she was the old crewmember hardest to stay in touch with. 

Still, he was pretty sure she and Jay kept up with each other at least, the newer Captain knowing exactly who to turn to whenever she faced a leadership dilemma. 

"How fares the city, Max?" asked Ellie, and Felix noted the slight twitch of the older man's eyebrows as he hid his surprise. 

~~~

_"The rediscovery of the Hope and the abandonment of the Lifetime Employment Program forced Byzantium to come to terms with some uncomfortable realities about the state of Halcyon. While Byzantines were reluctant to surrender the luxuries they'd grown accustomed to, the Board's diminished authority gave them little choice in the matter. Excess wealth was seized, and housing redistributed. Clarke oversaw everything with an able smile and a rousing speech. Nearly everyone had to learn to make do with less. Some even had to get jobs. It was a dark time, indeed._

_"Minister Clarke was released from house arrest, and his contact with the Unreliable crew gave him a sense of renewed purpose and vigor. Once it became clear that no help would be coming from Earth, he threw his considerable efforts and talents into helping Halcyon manage the crisis before it. A word from the Captain helped establish him a seat at the table alongside the other system leaders, and his experience was of great value."_

~~~

"It's lagging behind Caspiane, but the industrial strength has returned," explained Max. "The newer settlements make rapid progress, while the old are stubborn. There are still daily protests, but the majority of newcomers ignore them."

"Sounds about right," sighed Ellie. "They really don't know how good they've got it. If it were me I'd just send them to the Vale to work."

"Nah," Par shook her head, "the towns have suffered enough!"

Felix frowned a little as the others laughed, his thoughts still stuck on Byzantium. Since the Board had crumbled, all his anger had been redirected upon the city and the evil that had been carried out there.

_The retirement district. Those awful fuckin' labs. Everyone there turned a blind eye… or worse._

He knew that realistically it wasn't practical to burn the city to the ground. It was the centre of industry, especially with the new engineers and workforce at the helm. But the formerly rich residents made him feel sick. 

Few had left Byzantium since, and for that he was grateful. He reasoned that most of the good people had left long ago, so it was little surprise the older residents were resistant to all progress. Still, the newer cities and settlements like Caspiane were growing fast. 

By comparison, Monarch was on a much more forward thinking path, as Stellar Bay had been in fair and equal hands since the Board first pulled out. Cascadia had been reclaimed, Bayside reopened, Fallbrook expanded, and Amber Heights rejuvenated. The addition of Arcadia, a new city dedicated to science and education, had contributed to Byzantium being stripped of capital status.

_And the concept of a capital eradicated._

Felix felt the familiar lurch in his stomach, as his mind automatically supplied who would be amazed by the current state of Halcyon - Clyde. 

The pain had been dulled by time, but it still depressed him, to be reminded of his once esteemed mentor, a radical socialist and agent of change, unmasked as just another easily bought fraud.

The building of Arcadia had kept Felix's mind busy, giving him a focus for his energy, and he was looking forward to the influx of new students. Coaching tossball had prevented him from avoiding the limelight entirely, the eager kids hounding him to demonstrate dropkicks and confirm that the Tales of the Unreliable were true.

Various pro tossball players had come out to encourage the younger players, and at least twice now a manager had come to watch, scouting for talent. Grimm was the official coach, coping just fine whenever Felix was busy elsewhere, and the older man reckoned the former SIG greeter was more than capable of doing it himself. The kid still lacked confidence though, and Felix was happy to help out when he could. But he kept things strictly part-time, reluctant to be tied down. 

_< "Incoming transmission, Captain. Shall I relay?">_

"Sure, Ada. It must be Phin!" 

~~~

_"As for Dr Phineas Welles - he spent his remaining years in his orbital lab. He eventually came to terms with his own past, and was able to forgive the mistakes of his younger self by devoting his remaining years to serving the colony. Dr Welles was able to revive many more scientists and engineers than he first expected, thanks to the huge quantity of chemicals the Captain provided. Welles never forgot about the human lives that were lost in acquiring these chemicals._

_"In the end, Dr Welles was able to save every scientist and engineer aboard the Hope. Over the next decade, nearly all of the Hope's remaining colonists would be successfully revived. Halcyon saw a period of rapid technological and scientific advancement. Breakthroughs in dietary supplements saved the colony from starvation. Geo-engineering projects and social reforms began to change the structure and character of the colony. Working terraformers blessed the planets, moons, and asteroids."_

~~~

"Hello, hello!" the scientist's voice rang out as Ada raised a screen, showing Welles waving his hands around as maniacally as usual. "Don't you all look happy! I'm delighted to see everyone together again, before you all get too old and forget who I am, haha!" 

Parvati giggled as Dr Welles gave a rundown on his latest achievements, and Felix saw that Jay was smiling. He reached for her hand under the table and squeezed, and she laced her fingers with his.

Welles had been working nonstop since the rebellion, reviving colonists as Dr Chartrand implemented an entire programme dedicated to rehabilitating the newly awakened and getting them up to speed on the issues at hand. 

Alongside the first batch of unfrozen Hope residents to be rehabilitated was Herbert, the strange man Jay had found living beneath Cascadia, raised to believe he was a sole survivor. Dr Chartrand had reasoned that any programme that could rehabilitate him would be a success for the new colonists. 

In reality it took far longer for Herbert to understand what was happening, but it was to Chartrand's credit that she persevered, and unlocked the man's love of teaching, as long as he had his wooly cow by his side. 

The revived colonists were ably prepared before they ever left the rings of Terra. 

_Much better than being thrown in an escape pod and jettisoned towards a strange planet…_

Jay still suffered from nightmares, of being back on the Hope, cold and alone, as well as the various horrors she'd encountered during their fight for the system. Her tremors and episodes had never resurfaced since the incident, when she'd nearly been ripped across time, and Felix was thankful for that.

But whenever she did make trips away from Monarch, he always had a clever reason for why he should come too, intent on always being there to ease her from bad dreams, guiding her towards proper rest. He always worried that the time dilation side effects would come back. 

Her ability was still there, though seldom used. It had taken Jay some time to get used to not using it reflexively, even when she no longer needed it. But he couldn't deny it also gave him a feeling of security when they did embark on rare missions, knowing that she could blink away from any sudden attack that might happen.

Felix looked at his former crew, chattering away, and smiled. 

"Speaking of which!" Welles was saying emphatically. "Has Ellie filled you in on the latest developments? Your opinion would be most welcome, Jay." 

_Uh oh._

~~~

_"Halcyon is stabilising. The people of the colony work hard to adapt to their new circumstances. Nearby colonies send aid and supplies. Life will never be easy in Halcyon, but for the first time in its history, there exists a sense of real, genuine hope about the future._

_"As for the Captain, the unplanned variable in the history of Halcyon, and Felix, the revolutionary, life thankfully continued. They had brought an end to the chaos, and Felix had stepped in to prevent even more being asked of his beloved boss._

_"A new form of government of Halcyon rose, made up of councils from across the entire colony, guided by the experienced and the newly awakened. The years were turbulent but hopeful, and the Captain was able to retire from public life in relief and exhaustion._

_"Despite her best efforts, the name of the Unreliable and that of its intrepid Captain, remained the subject of countless stories for years to come. She and Felix were often seen in Stellar Bay, with friends old and new, a small canid by their side."_

~~~

"Tactful as ever, Phin."

Ellie rolled her eyes as Welles shrugged on screen, leaning forward as if that would help him hear better.

"You were sent here, huh?" Felix asked, trying not to sound accusatory.

"I wanted to swing by anyway," she replied firmly, and he nodded. "But yeah. Whenever we cross the central system I leave the scanners running. The Board lost countless relays to ineptitude and cost-cutting. Whenever one went wandering, they'd either cut the service, or ping out another one."

"It certainly explains why accessing information was so difficult," mused Par. "Even in a Spacer's Choice town we could barely get a signal."

"Right," Ell nodded, "but a lot of these wandering relay stations still carry the messages they received. It's usually junk, ads and Board bullshit. But this time… we caught something-" 

The ex-pirate turned to Ada, and a recording began to play. A burst of static, and then a voice, digitally enhanced.

_< "... trying to boost the signal. Don't know… it's all wrong, they've taken… Scylla failed. Thank… stay away, I repeat, stay… AG534 hostile. Void save me.">_

The audio shut off, as Jay drummed her fingers on the table.

"This is from-" 

"Hephaestus, yeah," Ellie frowned, as the shock ran round the group. "The relay was scrambled. We don't know when it was sent." 

The closest planet to the sun had been claimed by the Hephaestus Mining Company, not long after the Groundbreaker had first arrived. The company had subsequently separated itself from the rest of the Board, and the only sign there had been of them since were the abandoned mines on Scylla.

_Even the previous Iconoclast armour, made by the company, was old reconditioned mining equipment. There are the Hammers though, I wonder how they're funded?_

Like the majority of colonists, Felix had presumed that the Hephaestus venture had met with a similar, more deadly fate. 

_And the miners they used on Scylla way back when, they were just hired from Groundbreaker. Shit._

"What do we actually know about the planet?" asked Jay, looking thoughtful.

"Very little!" Welles bounced up and down on screen. "And not for lack of trying. Probes that have been sent were destroyed. Ships too, if they got too close. All explained by usual cutthroat corporate policy of course, but very frustrating."

"And now it seems like it might be more than that," added Max. "That message was hardly what one might expect from a company broadcast." 

"Sounded like a warning," Nyoka mused. "Like he was a trapped animal looking for atonement."

"It could just be a hostile environment," Felix spoke up. "It's the closest planet to the sun. Sounds like hell itself."

He saw Max's mouth twitch, the ex-vicar always amused by reference to any religion, especially the old ones. 

"Either way," sighed Par, "sounds like the meaning is clear. Stay away, right?"

Jay and Ellie glanced at each other, and Felix felt his anxiety rising.

"Ell," the Captain's voice was firm, "tell me you're not planning on going."

The doc's cheeks flushed a little as she tried to maintain a neutral expression.

"This is an unexpected opportunity to further our knowledge of the system!" Welles barked, as animated as ever. "Hephaestus is one of the richest mineral sources in Halcyon, and apparently where a good chunk of our population may still reside."

"A good chunk that shoot down any ship or probe that gets near," Felix reminded them, frowning. "If there's trouble there, it can stay there. Someone went to a lot of trouble to warn folks off."

"The Unreliable is more than capable…"

Felix couldn't focus on the words, his anger was rising too fast, only to suddenly be interrupted by Jay kissing him on the cheek.

"Don't worry, Fel'," she murmured, soft as could be. "I know."

He squeezed her hand as he focused on calming himself, relief rushing through him. He knew better than this, that she wouldn't be persuaded by anyone to take such a risk. Not anymore.

_But if Ellie goes instead, that's gonna be a whole other heap of trouble. She'll feel responsible, I know she will._

"What would you advise, Jay?" asked Max, cutting through the commotion, and the group fell silent.

"The lack of time stamp is the main issue," she leaned forward in her seat slightly, focused. "For all we know it was sent right after they claimed the planet, or this very year. The planet has been completely dark, and it's a known trespass hazard."

"What if the people there need help?" Par looked troubled.

"The message is to stay away, not a call for backup. I'd advise caution. Send a probe, see if it gets destroyed or if it makes it through. If it's shot down, then the risk at this stage is far too high." 

"And if it isn't?" Ellie folded her arms, but her posture relaxed a little.

"If it isn't, send in a small team with backup at a safe distance. Full hazmat. There's no telling what caused that kind of message to be sent."

"I'll concede that is a sensible strategy," nodded Welles on screen. "And indeed, the hazard we are being warned to stay away from could be of any nature - even viral. We can't risk unleashing something like that on Halcyon at this critical stage-"

 _Phew_.

"-Ah, speaking of which, duty calls! It's good to see you looking so well, Jay. I no longer have as many nightmares about you spontaneously liquifying!"

The scientist cut the transmission, goodbyes never his strong suit, and Felix let out a heavy breath as Nyoka chuckled. 

"His people skills still need work," the hunter's eyes lit up as a server brought more drinks to the table.

Ellie flipped a bit cart to the man, and Max raised an eyebrow.

"What?" scoffed the ex-pirate. "I'm loaded." 

Sam perked up, displaying a thinking face on his screen. 

"Whyyyyy do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?" 

"Oh my-" Nyoka was interrupted by the mechanical. 

"Because BOOTY is only SHIN deep!" 

Felix snorted a laugh as Par giggled, the others taken aback. 

_< "That is most amusing, Sam.">_

The robot displayed a pleased face. 

_Are those two still…?_

"Par, tell me you didn't teach him a load of pirate jokes!" Ellie rolled her eyes.

"Okay!"

Felix got the giggles, thinking of the new and improved Sam greeting customers and grumpy pirates alike on the Groundbreaker.

As the conversation moved on from hazardous planets to relationship catchup, he smiled as he let himself just enjoy being in the moment. He had once hoped they would all survive, to have times like these, and he couldn't be happier that they'd all made it through those dark days. Together. 

~~~

_"Felix had spent his entire life dreaming of a grand revolution, but the reality was far bloodier than he could have ever imagined. He was still fearsome with his weapons, but they were rarely used beyond defending the defenseless, or taking out those who killed others._

_"The day he had found Jay in pieces, stuck outside time and falling apart, he'd realised the true cost of such an idealistic endeavour. But the revolution had come, and now he was simply determined to spend as much time as he could with the person he loved._

_"Their work was never done, but sometimes now it could be put to one side, and others allowed to take up the responsibilities. A new home in Monarch didn't stop the Unreliable from flying true, the ship Felix had always dreamed of, with the Captain who held his heart."_

~~~

"Hey, boss." 

Jay chuckled as she turned on their balcony, pulling him close.

"Still your boss, huh?" 

"Always," Felix smirked, and kissed her softly. "It was good to see everyone again."

"I'd forgotten how loud they all get! I'm glad everyone made it, they all seem happy." 

"Par was determined to surprise you," he grinned. "I think Sam came with her, I'm not sure."

"He came ahead by himself I think. I don't know quite how smart she's made him. Or maybe Ada has had a hand in it."

Jay looked slightly troubled, and he booped her nose, a reminder to share her worries.

"I made Ell promise," she sighed, "that she wouldn't go to Hephaestus. But I have a bad feeling about it."

"It could be nothing, love. Just an empty planet and a long-gone mining mistake."

"Mm," she wasn't convinced. "Well, I'll stop worrying about it when you stop worrying about Ada taking over the system." 

Felix laughed in surprise, realising he should have guessed she would know exactly what had concerned him about the reunion.

"Hey, that's a totally valid concern," he protested with mock outrage. "And one I've been very consistent with!" 

"True," her nose crinkled with her smile, and he kissed her a little harder, her hands running behind his neck, into his hair.

He deepened the kiss as she gave a quiet moan, and he lost himself, his heart pounding, pulling her closer against him. When he broke the kiss he panted a little, holding her cheek beneath the night sky.

"Stars," Felix murmured, "I could kiss you forever."

"Good," purred Jay, and he chuckled. "Because I want a _lot_ more. Love you, sweetheart." 

"I love you, boss. Forever." 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this dear readers, is the end! 
> 
> Thank you so much for supporting Rebel Run, and the adventures of Felix and Jay. I had a lot of fun writing this, weaving my story through the plot, and expanding on the characters.
> 
> Any Rebel Run questions are welcome here or [on my tumblr](https://thalfox.tumblr.com/), and I'll hopefully have some fanart to share soon too.
> 
> Stay tuned to my username here for what comes next, and thank you again! 💖


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